← Strangers on a Bench
Strangers on a Bench
EPISODE 60: That's What She Said
00:38:40
Tom Rosenthal talks to strangers on park benches, often leading to surprising revelations.
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- [00:04]
A
Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? So you know how this works already?
- [00:47]
B
I think so. I have. I've actually, I think, listened to, like, most of them.
- [00:51]
A
Really?
- [00:51]
B
Yeah.
- [00:52]
A
Oh, thanks.
- [00:52]
B
Genuinely, my favourite thing is people watching. And so I was like, this is a podcast version of my favourite thing.
- [00:58]
A
Perfect for you. So you're ready? Here we go. Favorite day of the week.
- [01:04]
B
Oh, probably gonna go basic B with it. Friday. Basic B Friday. Just because you've got, like, the weekend and then some.
- [01:17]
A
Yeah. Lots to look forward to. You've done the working week. It's the working week for you. That's mean. Is that full of hardship?
- [01:26]
B
Well, it depends, you know, philosophically, a bit like, is this what we're supposed to do? You know what I'm talking about? You know, the millennial beef we all have.
- [01:37]
A
I think any response that starts philosophically, that's my kind of response. If I say, like, what's your favorite cheese?
- [01:45]
B
Philosophically speaking, it's cheddar. Ah, simple man.
- [01:50]
A
What is your favourite cheese?
- [01:51]
B
My favorite cheese. Cheese.
- [01:55]
A
Don't say goat.
- [01:56]
B
No, my taste buds are too infantile for that. That along with wine and beer and a few other things, I'm like, grown ups must be lying. I don't think you like it. I think you're all pretending don't believe you.
- [02:09]
A
Beer and wine, you reckon?
- [02:10]
B
Oh, gross.
- [02:11]
A
And goat cheese.
- [02:12]
B
Yeah.
- [02:13]
A
Wow.
- [02:13]
B
I like down wine for the effects, but not because it tastes nice.
- [02:17]
A
Yeah, I'm totally with you on beer, by the way.
- [02:19]
B
Really?
- [02:19]
A
Even though I like it when I first tasted it as a. I don't know, whatever. Oh, how old I was when my father was like, try some of this. I was like, you are joking. This is the thing.
- [02:31]
B
Yeah. You were like, this is the.
- [02:32]
A
Everyone's coming to this place and paying money for and they're all like making a whole song and dance out of it.
- [02:39]
B
Do you like wine?
- [02:41]
A
Yeah.
- [02:42]
B
Do you like the taste of wine? Think about that. Like, really think about it for a second. No, genuinely, because I think it's like conditioning.
- [02:50]
A
Look, I see what you mean. You're gonna say to me, if wine was, say, like, not alcoholic and it tasted like that, would I, like, drink it? What would I think about it? Which is, I think, is actually quite a fair thing to say, actually, on inflection. I've just spoken for you, maybe. No, no, you don't need to say anything this whole time.
- [03:08]
B
That and. Because, like, I would like to like wine because it seems chic. Do you know what I mean? You're like, like, you know, you go to, like, a dinner. Yeah, I'll have a glass of wine. I think that looks quite chic. I'm like that person, you know, she's been through some things. She's like. She's had some hard days. She's had some. But she's come out the other side and she still enjoys life.
- [03:33]
A
Do you do this whole spiel for them, like. But do you actually, like.
- [03:35]
B
Yeah, yeah, I've been through. It depends. I've been through, like, I'd say twenties. I, like, pretended. But now I feel like in your 30s. This is so funny that I'm using this to, like, describe the decades of my life. But now I'm like. I will say I don't. I don't actually like wine. I'll have a tequila shot, get it over with.
- [03:54]
A
I really like that. As a way of explaining what's different in your 30s to your 20s.
- [03:59]
B
Thanks.
- [04:08]
A
What's it like being in your 30s?
- [04:11]
B
Are you in your 30s?
- [04:13]
A
Yes.
- [04:14]
B
Okay. Clinging on, clinging on to the 30s. Everything feels a bit slower. I don't feel like I'm in a rush.
- [04:24]
A
Oh, that's good.
- [04:24]
B
Yeah. In some parts I do, actually. I don't have children and I'd like them. So probably that is a thing that women think about.
- [04:32]
A
How do you do that?
- [04:34]
B
How do I do that? Have kids? Well, the birds and the beats. No.
- [04:41]
A
What do you do then? If you're feeling said rush, you would.
- [04:45]
B
Think that you would do something about it. Yeah, exactly. I go up to men and I'm like, me? What, baby? No. And they're like, okay, good work, good work. You never know. No, I don't do much about it, actually. I'm like a very few and far between data, and that hasn't really hurried me up.
- [05:06]
A
Few and far between data.
- [05:08]
B
Yeah.
- [05:08]
A
So what. How do you decide every Tuesday of the third month?
- [05:13]
B
No, I was on the old apps last year and I set myself a one day a month rule. Otherwise I just won't.
- [05:23]
A
Does that mean there are some really last minutes? Like, fuck, it's like the last day of the month. It's like any old. Just click.
- [05:29]
B
I suddenly started replying to people. Yeah. And I was like, oh, crap, I won't, you know, meet my quota, but. And then it's like, I'm Falling out of the habit again. It is weird. Online dating.
- [05:41]
A
I wouldn't know because I haven't done it.
- [05:42]
B
It's like, maybe there's, like, a bit of chat in the beginning and then you go meet someone. And then to me, I'm like, I've never met this person and now I have to have a conversation with them. I guess you do that all the time, but, oh, my God, I can talk for England. But for some reason, that scenario go really awkward. Like, I don't know what.
- [06:00]
A
Well, the dating scenario.
- [06:01]
B
Yeah.
- [06:02]
A
Yeah. I sometimes feel like maybe the talking is just where we all go wrong.
- [06:06]
B
That is profound. It's true.
- [06:10]
A
And then I think, like, if, you know, like a small toddler passes us now, you know, they've got no problem at all. Just look at you.
- [06:19]
B
That's so true.
- [06:20]
A
They look for a minute if they want. Doesn't look right. I just think we should do that.
- [06:25]
B
Just go and look.
- [06:26]
A
On a date? Yeah, no. Talk just to look at each other. And then after a few minutes, like, no.
- [06:31]
B
Yeah, exactly.
- [06:32]
A
And then you save lots of time, lots of money, and you might look.
- [06:37]
B
At someone for a minute and be like, wow, this is it.
- [06:39]
A
There you can see your famous baby. Does it matter? What matters? What matters?
- [06:51]
B
What matters? Full stop or question mark? Well, who knows, you know?
- [06:57]
A
I mean, what are you needing, really? So none of these dates went well?
- [07:05]
B
They did. And then, like, I was a bit like, I don't know. There was one guy and it went quite well. But then I got all, like, emotionally unavailable and weird with it, and I was like, oh.
- [07:18]
A
You see? Suddenly became emotionally unavailable. Is that because you just didn't like this person?
- [07:23]
B
No, I don't know. I think there was probably some, like, incompatibility there. But he. One thing that I think would matter to me is that he was very, like, curious about himself and me. He wasn't, like, really rigid about what he believes or what he thought a relationship should look like or a person should be like. He just accepted what is. And I thought that was pretty cool.
- [07:46]
A
That is cool.
- [07:47]
B
Yeah.
- [07:47]
A
But not cool enough.
- [07:50]
B
Yeah, apparently not. Yeah. I don't know. I think there's some stuff that I don't really know about myself. I think that probably got in the way.
- [07:58]
A
What don't you know about yourself.
- [08:02]
B
Philosophically? I don't know. What? I don't know. I know that I don't like goat's cheese. Yeah. I don't know. There's something where I'm like, vulnerability bad.
- [08:12]
A
But your vulnerability with friends. Okay.
- [08:15]
B
Yeah, better in 30s and 20s, actually.
- [08:18]
A
Vulnerability at work.
- [08:20]
B
At work? Ooh, Actually, yeah, getting there way more. So recently I've had, like, some big, like, life stuff happen and I was, like, honest about it at work and that was, like, a bit of a revelation. And I was like, we should do more of this.
- [08:33]
A
Actually, can you tell me what the big life stuff was?
- [08:35]
B
I can fuck it. I'll start with the easier one. Most recently I was diagnosed with adhd.
- [08:44]
A
So that's the easier one?
- [08:45]
B
Yeah, I think easier because I've kind of known for, like, 10 years. I've, like, suspected. And then I think in recent times, TikTok is making all the information more available. And then everyone's, like, wondering if they.
- [08:55]
A
Have it, but you've really got it.
- [08:57]
B
I've actually got it, yeah. I've got it pretty bad. So there's two types of adhd. There's the inattentive and then hyperactive. And I'm combined, like, my people watching makes so much sense. I just like to sit and do nothing for a really long time. It's inattentive to maybe something that you're supposed to be focusing on, but it's like a general awareness of lots of things.
- [09:17]
A
Oh, that's cool. Okay.
- [09:19]
B
Do you know what's really funny is the psychiatrist that diagnosed me said, I'd recommend this medication. And I was like, okay. And I said, philosophically speaking, genuinely, I said that. And I said, I think I'm, like, a bit anti medication. And then I went on to expand a bit because I tend to. And I said, I feel like that would be agreeing that I am wrong. And, like, the system and the way that, like, academia and, like, the workplace works is like, right. So, like, I don't know if I should make myself think like that. And he said, can I give you some advice? I said, go on. And he said, I'd really recommend being a bit less philosophical and a bit more practical. And I was like, fair enough. You could probably say that to me in many parts of my life. So, yeah. And then I ended up telling my manager and I just said, I want to tell you right now, I've probably got some stigma of it myself. And I said, I want to say it before I don't. So was quite good.
- [10:17]
A
Fantastic. I'm glad you're able to say it. And it was received well.
- [10:21]
B
Thank you.
- [10:33]
A
That was one of the things. What was the other one? You going to hoping that I was.
- [10:37]
B
Forgetting the big one, the big fish. The big one is that I had some health Stuff happen in the last couple of years. In particular, it had a focus around weight loss and then it dipped into disordered territory. And I kind of was aware, but didn't really think there was anything that bad. But that ended up being a bit of a diagnosis as well. Yeah, it was more leaning towards anorexia. And it got really bad in December. And the last six months have been, like, really heavily towards recovery. And I feel almost rid of the, like, mental component of it. Basically my, my body, like, I'll get really specific now just because I think people should talk about this. I, like, didn't have a period for a year. My hair got a lot thinner. I was cold all the time. But I was being, like, complimented about everything. Like, you're glowing and you look so healthy and all that sort of stuff. So it was this weird thing where I was like, trying to marry up the thing that society thinks is healthy, which is thin. And then there's like actual health and like being a balanced human, like being happy and feeling in tune with your body and things like that. And I kind of lost sight of the real thing. And then in December, my body just like, wasn't having any of it. And then I took like a month off work to like, deal with it and I was really pissed off.
- [12:07]
A
Why?
- [12:07]
B
I just felt like everything was a lie. I was like, I thought I was doing the right thing and then I was like, angry at magazines and influencers and everything and I was like, ah, I've got like a lot of decades of unlearning to do and, like, shaking it all off.
- [12:22]
A
So, yeah, how'd you ask so many questions? Had you had anything like that previously?
- [12:32]
B
So now that I understand what they are and how it works, probably since like my teens. So I was actually on the other extreme of being in a. I don't want to say any small body is good and big body is bad or anything like that, but it was quite far into being in a much bigger version where you're like, bigger than your body wants you to be. I now understand that your body only wants to do that when it's been heavily restricted. So actually what tends to happen is like a feast and famine response. So if your body is restricted, AKA dieting, which I had done since a young age, your body responds by being like, oh, we've been in starvation and now food is available. Have as much of it as you can because you don't know when it's going to come up again. And what that does is your hormones go out of Balance and then your fullness and hunger cues mess up. It's been like out of balance for ages. So in the last few years I was like, oh, I've figured it out. But some part of me learned that the smaller you get, the safer you are, the more accepted you are by society. And then it just kept going in that direction. But there were loads of great things in terms of lifestyle on that journey that worked really well. I walked so much, my favourite thing to do would be to go to the pond in Hampstead Heath and then I'd just walk around for ages and then lie down and be like, I love this. And then at some point, if I didn't do that, I would feel really anxious. Like, have you ever felt anything like that? Like the anxiety about like not being able to do a certain movement?
- [14:04]
A
No.
- [14:05]
B
Fair enough. Because that really like freaked me out a little bit. It's called like exercise compulsion and it's a component of eating disorders, mostly restrictive ones.
- [14:14]
A
How many steps are you talking?
- [14:15]
B
Oh, so I started with the basic, like 10, but then like, as it progressed it would be like at least 20, 000 a day and then sometimes 30.
- [14:25]
C
No.
- [14:26]
A
Yeah, yeah, 30 is like, I'm like, I'm a big walkie person.
- [14:30]
B
Big walkie. Big talkie.
- [14:32]
A
Big talkie.
- [14:32]
B
Yeah, same.
- [14:34]
A
And like 20k hit now and again.
- [14:40]
B
Yeah.
- [14:41]
A
So much time. And 30 is like an all day hike pretty much. That's serious business.
- [14:46]
B
Yeah. It took me a while to realise it was like on the extreme side. And also I was a bit like, I can't believe this has happened to me.
- [14:53]
A
The first time I ever heard of like too many steps being unhealthy.
- [14:56]
B
Yeah, that's so interesting because I feel really radical right now and I'm so allergic to when anyone talks about counting calories or hitting their steps.
- [15:05]
A
And it's everywhere, isn't it now? Calorie stuff, because on menus as well.
- [15:08]
B
I was so happy about that, by the way. Yes. Now I know I can count these. And now I'm like, you're not supposed to. Yeah, it's really difficult because I do understand that people are well intentioned and they talk about an obesity epidemic, which I have massive beef with as well. I think it's like fat phobia. And I realized that I had like internalized fat phobia about myself. This is going to get a bit philosophical now, but if you're like doing something to get away from something, as in, like, I don't like that, that's bad. For example, body Size that usually doesn't end up going very well. Whereas if you're going towards something and you're like, no, I like this actually it's quite nice walking.
- [15:50]
A
No, I really like that. It's a very. That's a profound thought. I really like that.
- [15:55]
B
Yeah.
- [16:05]
A
What do you think people kind of don't, you know, if someone's listening to this, they know nothing about eating disorders and it's something kind of completely alien to them. What do you think is the kind of thing that's really just not understood by the kind of person who has not encountered it?
- [16:23]
B
I think the first thing, the image you have in your head of someone who's got an eating disorder, that's really a narrow version of it. No pun intended. Sorry, I can't not. I'm someone who says that's what she said a lot as well.
- [16:37]
A
It is quite fun.
- [16:39]
B
It is, yeah. Low hanging fruit. That's what she said. I'm so sorry. And you were asking about what?
- [16:47]
A
You've really turned this around really quickly.
- [16:49]
B
This is the ADHD serious question defense mechanism dad joke.
- [16:56]
A
What don't they know?
- [16:57]
B
What don't they know?
- [16:57]
A
What don't they know?
- [16:58]
B
Yeah. So I think a lot of people probably have disordered behaviors and they probably won't realize it because they don't think their body looks like it has an eating disorder. So I had something called atypical anorexia. If it was typical anorexia I would be in the unhealthy bmi, but I was healthy. BMI like the lower end but it was low for my body hence my period stopping and my body just being like, we don't like it here. We don't have enough energy to make everything work. We're going to make sure your brain and your heart works but we're going to shut down the unnecessary stuff like your hair growing, like keeping you warm so you're cold all the time. So I went to my GP as soon as my period stopped and they were too busy congratulating me for losing weight to spot anything going wrong. That's a real shame because it got quite bad and I think they could have probably caught it at that point. So I think I would say especially I would hope that if anyone hearing that in medical profession would always question if anyone's lost weight and they have stress aside it to sort of look into that a bit more.
- [18:01]
A
Yeah.
- [18:01]
B
And then the second thing would probably be there's a theory called set point weight theory. Have you heard of that?
- [18:06]
A
No.
- [18:07]
B
So it's the theory that again, it seems to make sense. It's that everybody has like a set point weight range. The signs are very little to do with your weight. It's like, do you feel like you have enough energy, how's your sleep, is your hair growing, is your periods regular, like, things like that. And I've learned to like kind of tune into that a bit more and be like, this feels right or wrong or whatever. And it looks completely different. It can vary a lot. So me growing up, I probably had a bit of a higher set point weight and my friends were all like very petite and then I probably thought that there was something wrong with it and they all started there. So I would, I would just hope that younger me or like younger people especially everyone really would know that health can look completely different on everyone. And then your body will keep you there quite happily if you look after it really moderately. You don't need to do a huge amount of steps. You don't need to eat particular things. So if you feel like you can't have that food or you can't not do that workout or that is really bad if that happens. If you just start to feel a sense of anxiety around straying from your routine when it comes to food and movement, I would say that that's really worth looking into because I would never have pegged an eating disorder on me, I'll tell you that much. And as someone who's like quite like free flowing, I suddenly turned into like. Everyone knew that if I didn't get my steps in, I was going to leave the house even if it was like midnight. And it just got really obsessive. And I think it can happen to anyone. So definitely worth looking into that a bit.
- [19:32]
A
You talk about it very well.
- [19:33]
B
Thank you.
- [19:34]
A
So you got bad in December.
- [19:37]
B
Yeah.
- [19:37]
A
What was the moment when you're like, bad, bad?
- [19:40]
B
Oh, there's two. Might get emotional. No, yeah, it's allowed. Yeah. Okay. One was one of my. We were at a pub and it was someone's leaving due at work and a friend of mine, really, really good friend of mine and she just went, are you okay? And people ask me that all the time and they'll ask you that all the time. There was something knowing in her there because she knows me well. And then I went, yeah, I think so. I think so. But like I paused for a minute and then I, you know when like it culminates in something you'd already been thinking about something I've already been thinking, why am I at the pub? And Already thinking like, oh, I need to go home to make that specific dinner that I make and you know, I can't have anything here. And I thought, oh God, that's going to happen. And that's. But then am I going to get enough steps on my way to the train station? And I was like, why am I like exhausted at thinking about those things? Who even is that? That's not me. So it just gave me a moment to genuinely question if I was okay. And it was then that I got a therapist that specialized in this because I felt a little bit like, to use probably overly used phrase, gaslit by everyone when I would say I think I have a problem. They were like, oh, maybe you're just really disciplined. And you know. And then the other point was, ah, bless her. I have a niece, a six year old niece who's my best friend. She's so fun, she's super energetic and she looks like I did when I was her age. That wasn't the bit that made me realize it. But it does upset me that like potentially her parents completely well meaning sometimes wonder if she's like, oh, has she gained a bit of weight? And I'm like, she is absolutely fine. Isn't she the person who runs the fastest at school? Isn't she super happy? Isn't she always jumping up and down and she's got a healthy appetite, like, don't worry. And because I had this compulsion to walk, there was a day where I was taking her back to my brother's place. And the way that I would get my steps in is that I would always like skip a train station and then walk, but I would always try and find a park to walk through because I really love parks. And she kept telling me she was tired and I didn't go the short way for her. And I think about that all the time that I in that moment didn't think there's a six year old who's tired. And she was probably a bit younger than Maybe she was 4 or 5 and it wasn't a mega long walk, but it was too long for her. And any other moment when I was like being myself, I would pick her up, I would call an Uber, get on a bus, something, but I didn't. And that, that's not healthy. And then it all like clicked in and then I was like, okay, sorry, that was lots of words again.
- [22:28]
A
No, absolutely. Such a poignant story about both of them. Actually my first reaction to the are you okay? You know, just how important those words can be. And Someone saying them, so straightforward. But also the way you say them and the kind of intuition to say them. And if you are feeling it, what's the harm of, you know? Because if you were feeling fine, you were okay. Okay, well, it's fine you're not bothered by it, but in that particular moment, you actually really needed to hear them said in that way.
- [23:07]
B
Just check in. And to be fair, now I know about eating disorders. We're really good at being like, no, I'm completely fine, absolutely fine. But it's not just in case.
- [23:16]
A
You never know, there's a WASP that keeps coming. For me.
- [23:18]
B
Yeah.
- [23:18]
A
I haven't been stung on a bench yet, but I feel like maybe this is the time. This is the time. Let's do it. Actually, the last WASP thing I did have, weirdly, I kind of strangely enjoyed.
- [23:29]
B
Okay, Is that weird?
- [23:31]
A
I don't know. Just like. It's.
- [23:32]
B
Depends what happened.
- [23:33]
A
I don't know. I was in a swimming pool somewhere and it stung me. And I just remember going, oh, that's quite pleasant. Is that strange?
- [23:39]
B
I mean, people like getting piercings and tattoos.
- [23:42]
A
No, I don't. I'm not really that guy. Really. Anyway.
- [23:56]
B
Have you ever. When's the last time you've said may? You okay. Oh, something like that.
- [24:02]
A
Yeah. That is actually quite a me thing to do. I'm actually quite an intervener. I've even done a few interventions, like romantic interventions, which are the most risky ones, as in.
- [24:12]
B
In between a couple saying to a.
- [24:14]
A
Friend, I don't think.
- [24:15]
B
Oh, about.
- [24:16]
A
I don't think you're. I think. I think it's a bad relationship.
- [24:20]
B
Yeah.
- [24:20]
A
I said I would. I'm putting our friendship on the line for my true belief in. In this.
- [24:28]
B
A lot of people don't say that.
- [24:29]
A
Yeah. So that's how far I go. I think if you really care for someone, you do it. And I think we all kind of know, really. And especially if you know someone very well. But I don't want to blow my own intervention trumpet.
- [24:45]
B
Top intervener.
- [24:46]
A
I was right. And they eventually broke up.
- [24:50]
B
Wow. Do you think that you saying that.
- [24:52]
A
No, that's the big question. Was it actually helpful that I said that? I don't know. Yeah. It's a bit of a divisive thing, this one. Like, I think some people would be like, well, it's just not your. You know, relationships are weird and stuff. You know, what are you like in relationships?
- [25:15]
B
Well, it's been a while.
- [25:16]
A
How long has it been?
- [25:19]
B
I actually don't think I've ever Had a proper long term relationship. What we call you long term like more than months.
- [25:27]
A
Why?
- [25:28]
B
Because of the weird like stuff where I'm like yeah, no, I don't know still tbc.
- [25:37]
A
Why do you think so you kind of blocked yourself at some point.
- [25:39]
B
Yeah.
- [25:40]
A
Why?
- [25:41]
B
God, I didn't expect to be talking about this. You've got a dinner party to go to. I know I do but I suddenly remembered that conveniently.
- [25:48]
A
Very good. Frustratingly for you. You're quite compelling.
- [25:52]
B
Ah thank you.
- [25:54]
A
Bit of praise for you there.
- [25:55]
B
Thanks very much. External validation. Love it. Let me try and summarize this. What am I like? I think a main pro is non judgmental. I think I like in that guy that I mentioned what I like in myself as well and that I don't think people need to be a certain way and I very little throws me. It would take a lot for me to be freaked out if you told me like something bad about yourself and also fun. Those are my two favourite things. And then the bad side would probably be probably quite like if I know myself in many areas of life I probably don't know myself very well there. So it comes out as a bit insecure, bit avoidant. So I'll just be a bit like no, that's forget. And then that's frustrating as well because it's a bit unpredictable. Oh my God. I've been way more honest than I planned to be in like the millisecond where you asked.
- [26:48]
A
But yeah can happen where you're a stranger so you know you're anonymous.
- [26:53]
B
Yeah. A stranger on a bench.
- [26:54]
A
I've got no idea who you might be. Could be anyone.
- [26:56]
B
True. What are you like in a relationship?
- [27:02]
A
Exemplary.
- [27:02]
B
I was going to say that's a big S. That can even be really good or anything.
- [27:05]
A
I don't know. I don't know like I mean really have to ask someone you have been in.
- [27:15]
B
In your.
- [27:17]
A
I mean I think I'm slightly over empathetic potentially kind of. I'm thinking about the other person as well being quite a lot maybe maybe too much actually that doesn't. I'm not trying to detriment of your own potentially. Yeah I'm not.
- [27:32]
B
I'm just too empathetic.
- [27:35]
A
Sorry guys.
- [27:37]
B
I'm really kind. It's actually a problem. No, no, I get what you mean.
- [27:42]
A
I suppose I just you know just another trying to think of some bad like just straight up bad stuff. I'm probably too slightly too defensive when critiqued like different like domestic scenarios.
- [27:56]
B
Yeah. Okay.
- [27:57]
A
But not in a kind of like, wild way, just in, like, you know, I think I'm right too much probably. You know, usual things like that.
- [28:07]
B
If you were your own partner, what would be your favorite thing about yourself? Being in a relationship?
- [28:14]
A
That's a lethal question. I really believe in, like, personal freedoms. I believe also that every relationship is its own beast, you know, like, I don't believe in doing things just because your parents did them. Society that takes this. This should be done. Like, I believe everyone should have their own set of rules. So I think. I suppose I would say that about being with the best thing about if I was with me, but that would probably be that. Where were we before we started all this? Now we were talking about. You're doing actually very. A very clever escape from your.
- [29:03]
B
Oh, did I. Yeah. No, I said it.
- [29:06]
A
Did you say it?
- [29:07]
B
I said last.
- [29:08]
A
You didn't let me, like, get into it.
- [29:10]
B
Oh, because you have a dinner party to go to.
- [29:13]
A
I thought I had one more question about your staff.
- [29:16]
B
Maybe it'll come to you. Shall I ask you a question?
- [29:19]
A
No, you just did that. That's where I went wrong.
- [29:20]
B
Okay. Oh, crap. Sorry.
- [29:23]
A
All about you.
- [29:24]
B
I'm just too empathetic.
- [29:27]
A
This should be about you. This has got to be about you.
- [29:30]
B
This should be my podcast.
- [29:31]
A
This is your podcast. When you tie, this particular one is your podcast.
- [29:34]
B
Do let me know. This wouldn't be changing my routine much.
- [29:36]
A
You think you put it off? Yeah, I mean. I mean, maybe someone would do it much better than me. What?
- [29:42]
B
I mean, maybe it's my cup of tea.
- [29:43]
A
Maybe you can, like, you know, not. Should I tell you, when I say something really annoying, I do this all the time sometimes.
- [29:50]
B
Sorry.
- [29:50]
A
No, no, it's true.
- [29:52]
B
It's true.
- [29:52]
A
I am water. Or annoying. I do think that is actually one of my key. I think it's one of my key characteristics, actually. Annoying. But I'm often trying to persuade people to, like, kind of exit standardized employment somehow. The thing, obviously you joke about, could you do this? Well, actually, maybe you. Maybe you can do it.
- [30:11]
B
I mean, I've had that thought many times over a decade, so I truly.
- [30:15]
A
It does chime a little bit.
- [30:16]
B
Doing it like, you just did it. You did the thing. Well done.
- [30:18]
A
No, but I also think, like, I.
- [30:28]
B
You were distracted by a beautiful woman walking.
- [30:31]
A
No, that's not it.
- [30:32]
B
Do you mind?
- [30:32]
A
That's not it. Sorry. I need to. I like the idea that I've got to, like, pause everything for a beautiful woman to pass. So I'm into the room. Guys, meet cute, beautiful, beautiful Persons need.
- [30:43]
B
To narrate it on the podcast. She had curly hair.
- [30:48]
A
I was gonna say no because she had walked past already, and I was just like. That's like. You don't normally see, like, a double walk past.
- [30:56]
B
True. Unless I'm getting my steps in. You would have seen me a few times.
- [31:00]
A
I would have seen you, like, loads. Maybe I have.
- [31:03]
B
Maybe you have. You probably.
- [31:05]
A
I probably have. Isn't it a funny thought that. Like that. Ryan, is that dinner party? Ry. Rye. Just on a bench.
- [31:14]
B
Hello. You should go to the dinner party.
- [31:19]
A
What's the situation with the food? It's almost ready.
- [31:22]
B
We're wrapping it up. Right.
- [31:27]
A
Someone. I don't.
- [31:28]
B
What's that? Rude.
- [31:32]
A
What's that? That's quite good. Do you want to come to dinner? Do you want to come to a dinner party? No pressure, right? Can I bring someone?
- [31:43]
B
No.
- [31:45]
A
Yeah.
- [31:46]
B
No. Right. It's all right. I've got other plans. Who is that?
- [31:52]
A
This is the point. Like, I don't know who that is. Like, I know who.
- [31:55]
B
Do they know that you do this?
- [31:57]
A
Yeah. Yeah, they know that. They know what I'm doing. I don't know her name. No, you don't. What's her name? Gone. Megan. How far?
- [32:10]
B
Pretty far.
- [32:11]
A
So far. Any M's? Any M's in it?
- [32:15]
B
No. There's an A at the end.
- [32:19]
A
There's an A.
- [32:23]
B
No. Ant.
- [32:27]
A
Ant.
- [32:27]
B
Ant. Yes. That's my name.
- [32:30]
A
That'd be quite. That actually be quite cool. Antonio.
- [32:35]
C
Okay, well.
- [32:36]
A
Well, I'll see you in a minute. I don't. I don't know.
- [32:39]
B
Release him soon.
- [32:40]
A
Yeah. Okay. Keep it warm.
- [32:43]
B
That's what she said. I'm so. I don't know. It doesn't have to be that.
- [32:47]
A
It doesn't always. It doesn't always have to be exactly right. It's like a wholesome. That's what she said.
- [32:53]
B
Hang on. Yes. Do you know what? I think that's quite on brand. A wholesome. That's what she said. That's me.
- [32:59]
A
Yeah.
- [32:59]
B
Yeah.
- [33:07]
A
I want to ask, like, one more. I was gonna. I was gonna ask what the most beautiful sight you've seen in a park is recently. Obviously you as a park connoisseur. Hang on. I'm gonna ask you this. Other than that, what are your top three tips for being in a park? You know, you said you are like a big park goer, big park watcher.
- [33:22]
B
That sounds like it's gonna turn into a tune, but Big part, go up. Big part watcher.
- [33:29]
A
That's your first hit.
- [33:30]
B
Okay, thank you. I Will leave my corporate job for that.
- [33:34]
A
I don't think it's going to be huge. I think I'm just going to leave.
- [33:37]
B
That's what she said. Sorry.
- [33:41]
A
That was less wholesome.
- [33:43]
B
Thank you. Yeah, it's true. Light and dark. Top three things to do in a park.
- [33:48]
A
Yeah.
- [33:49]
B
Nothing.
- [33:49]
A
Number one, Love it. Big win.
- [33:52]
B
Two is one of my other favorite things to do and actually best done in the park is when you're walking under trees, is look up. So if you walk slowly enough and you've got like the canopy of trees and usually there's like a bit of light like falling through the trees and things.
- [34:09]
A
I really like that.
- [34:09]
B
Yeah. And if you're with someone, hold hands in the cup.
- [34:13]
A
How sweet. Or you can take it in. You don't bum it. That one can guide the other.
- [34:16]
B
Yes. Yeah, exactly. That's number two.
- [34:18]
A
Yeah. I love these. The big three one, the big dismount.
- [34:21]
B
Practical. Know where the toilets are because. Because like I spend a lot of time in parks.
- [34:26]
A
I like that. It's a kind of very humble third, you know, just keeping it real. Where's the toilet in this park?
- [34:33]
B
Down there, past the playground.
- [34:36]
A
There's also one by the cafe.
- [34:37]
B
Oh, is there? Oh, there you go.
- [34:39]
A
She thinks she knows the toilets.
- [34:40]
B
Yeah, exactly.
- [34:41]
A
There's one over there, mate. This is what a great way to end podcast. Me pointing out different toilets. That's the first time I've corrected someone on their toilet knowledge. I think he knows it. Okay, so what are you gonna say? Any last words? No, that's not actually. You're gonna say some. Anyway, I'm about to ask you the last question. Okay, last question is, what are you gonna do next? Can either be smally now or biggie, like the whole life, whatever. Or like next thing I'm gonna go big and small. That's what she said.
- [35:20]
B
But I bum. That was it. That was my answer.
- [35:26]
A
Oh, sorry. That was the answer.
- [35:27]
B
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Profound and simple.
- [35:30]
A
What would you be doing now?
- [35:32]
B
I'm going home. But like, I don't know the route I'm gonna take. I've got. I'm usually taking some sort of meandery path and then in life, figuring it out.
- [35:45]
A
Fantastic.
- [35:45]
B
Each day as it comes.
- [35:46]
A
Yeah, that's the way to go, isn't it?
- [35:48]
B
Yeah.
- [35:49]
A
And one day you'll just figure it out. That's what I thought.
- [35:52]
B
It all makes sense.
- [35:52]
A
One day, apparently I figured this out.
- [35:55]
B
And then the next day. Haha. Anyway, thank you, that was nice. Nice chat.
- [36:01]
A
Thank you.
- [36:02]
B
I didn't think I would say, like, real things. And I did, and it felt okay.
- [36:07]
A
Thank you for saying real things, because it makes a difference.
- [36:09]
B
Thanks for listening.
- [36:15]
C
Love, love. Let's all delight in the wasp sting? Pretend that we like the wine our guests bring? Life, life? Years, passion, hurried and patient time for all that and for procreate.
- [36:54]
B
Life?
- [36:56]
C
Toddlers, just look, that's enough. In my book, learning to speak was the crime. I. Fine. Are you okay? Is the question down to details of your own digestion? How's your life, life? Wise men do say? Run towards, not away? Make an ambition of strife? Life.
- [38:11]
B
Life?
- [38:14]
C
The purpose of purpose is pending? So how's about this far and ending life?