Strangers on a Bench – Episode 60: "That's What She Said"

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: November 3, 2025
Theme: An intimate, candid conversation between Tom Rosenthal and an anonymous bench-dweller exploring life in one’s 30s, the complexities of relationships, body image, mental health, and finding comfort in vulnerability and humor.

Episode Overview

Tom Rosenthal, as per the series’ premise, strikes up a conversation with a stranger on a London park bench, only to discover she is a fan of the podcast herself. The resulting exchange is warm, disarmingly honest, and peppered with philosophical tangents, wit, and poignant reflections. Major topics include the reality of getting older, reconciling with societal expectations, experiences with ADHD and eating disorders, and the joy of simple pleasures like people watching and parks. The episode is a blend of laughter and genuine insight, embracing both heaviness and lightness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. People Watching & The Podcast’s Appeal

• [00:52] The guest admits she’s a fan:
  "Genuinely, my favourite thing is people watching. And so I was like, this is a podcast version of my favourite thing."
• Sets a tone of shared curiosity and comfort with observation.

2. The Meaning of Adulthood: Favorites, Alcohol, and Cheese

• [01:03]–[02:18] Conversation veers into the pleasures and pretensions of adulthood. The guest confesses she avoids 'adult' tastes like goat cheese and wine:
  "My taste buds are too infantile for that... I don't think you like it. I think you're all pretending…"
• Both guests agree that social enjoyment of wine and beer often masks actual dislike of taste.

3. Aging & the Different Decades of Life

• [04:08]–[04:24]
  "Everything feels a bit slower. I don't feel like I'm in a rush."
• Guest reflects that her 30s bring more self-acceptance and honesty, especially about preferences and anxieties.

4. Dating, Vulnerability, and Self-Discovery

• [05:08]–[08:20]
  • Guest reveals cautious approach to dating. She tried a "one date a month" rule with apps yet finds herself withdrawing from emotional risks.
  • Vulnerability is easier with friends and at work than in new relationships:
    "There's something where I'm like, vulnerability bad."
  • Shares growth in sharing big life events at work, especially after an ADHD diagnosis.

5. ADHD Diagnosis & Stigma

• [08:35]–[10:17]
  • Open discussion on ADHD:
    "Most recently I was diagnosed with ADHD... There's two types... I'm combined."
  • Her psychiatrist advised:
    "'I'd really recommend being a bit less philosophical and a bit more practical.'" [09:19]
  • First time opening up at work about personal struggles, receiving unexpected support.

6. Eating Disorders: Experience, Misconceptions, and Recovery

• [10:36]–[19:33]
  • Guest details her journey through disordered eating and anorexia:
    "I kind of was aware, but didn't really think there was anything that bad… It got really bad in December. The last six months have been, like, really heavily towards recovery…"
  • Societal praise for weight loss masked real health crises—hair thinning, absence of periods, constant cold.
  • Explains set point weight theory and how medical professionals can overlook atypical cases:
    "My GP… was too busy congratulating me for losing weight to spot anything going wrong. That's a real shame because it got quite bad and I think they could have probably caught it at that point." [17:00]
  • Calls for broader understanding that eating disorders don't fit one image, and to question distress around rigid routines.

7. Poignant Moments & Turning Points

• [19:40]–[22:27]
  • Two major moments that prompted change:
    1. A friend’s simple, knowing "Are you OK?" (pub realization)
    2. Forcing her tired young niece to walk further than needed—awakening to the problem:
       "Any other moment when I was like being myself, I would pick her up, I would call an Uber... but I didn't. And that, that's not healthy." [21:10]_

8. Relationships & Self-Understanding

• [25:16]–[27:01]
  • Guest hasn’t had a long-term relationship, attributes this to avoidance and self-doubt:
    "If I know myself in many areas of life, I probably don't know myself very well there. So it comes out as a bit insecure, bit avoidant." [25:54]
• Tom reflects on being "too empathetic" and perhaps defensive when critiqued.

9. Parks, Simplicity, & Everyday Joy

• [33:22]–[34:35]
  • Guest’s Top 3 Park Tips:
    1. Do Nothing: "Nothing. Number one. Love it. Big win." [33:49]
    2. Look Up at Tree Canopies (with or without hand-holding): "If you're walking under trees, look up... usually there's like a bit of light like falling through the trees and things." [34:08]
    3. Know Where the Toilets Are: "Know where the toilets are because... I spend a lot of time in parks." [34:20]

10. Humor, Wordplay, and Wholesome "That's What She Said"

• Throughout
  • Playful back-and-forth with running jokes about dad humor and "that's what she said"—lending warmth even in heavier moments:
    "That's a profound thought. I really like that." [15:49]
    "That's quite on brand. A wholesome that's what she said. That's me." [32:52]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I like down wine for the effects, but not because it tastes nice." (Guest, [02:13])
• "There was something knowing in her there because she knows me well. And then I went, yeah, I think so... And that's. But then am I going to get enough steps on my way to the train station? And I was like, why am I like exhausted at thinking about those things? Who even is that? That's not me." (Guest, [19:46])
• "If you're doing something to get away from something... that usually doesn't end up going very well. Whereas if you're going towards something and you're like, no, I like this actually, it's quite nice walking." (Guest, [15:38])
• "I would hope... anyone hearing that in medical profession would always question if anyone's lost weight and they have stress side it to sort of look into that a bit more." (Guest, [17:54])
• "It's everywhere, isn't it now? Calorie stuff, because on menus as well." (Tom, [15:05])
• "I think a lot of people probably have disordered behaviors and they probably won't realize it because they don't think their body looks like it has an eating disorder." (Guest, [16:58])
• "I've been way more honest than I planned to be in like the millisecond where you asked." (Guest, [26:45])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:47: Guest reveals she’s a fan of the podcast
• 04:08: Slower pace of life in the 30s
• 05:08: Approach to dating and the challenge of vulnerability
• 08:35: ADHD diagnosis and being open at work
• 10:36: Experience with eating disorders and beginnings of recovery
• 15:49: Profound shift in motivation (toward vs away) in healing
• 19:46: Key "are you ok?" moment leading to seeking help
• 21:10: Realization after forcing her niece to walk
• 25:54: Self-awareness about avoidance in relationships
• 33:22: Top three park tips
• 34:08: The beauty of looking up at trees
• 35:27: Final thoughts on the next steps in life

Tone & Style

The conversation flows naturally, moving between humor and candor. The guest’s openness—amplified by her anonymity—results in some deeply honest moments. Tom provides gentle prompting, warmth, and relatable self-deprecation, while the guest’s blend of self-awareness, wit, and resilience makes for compelling listening.

Final Thoughts

Episode 60 is a microcosm of what makes Strangers on a Bench unique: a safe space for strangers to share the real, unvarnished stories of modern life—with all their contradictions, struggles, and amusements. In this exchange, laughter and philosophy sit comfortably alongside frank discussions of mental health and the search for connection.

For Anyone New:
This episode is a perfect starting point for the series—demonstrating the gentle power of listening, the complexity of being human, and the healing potential in simply saying real things out loud.