Strangers on a Bench

Episode 61: Seven Paramedics
Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: November 10, 2025

Episode Overview

In this poignant episode, Tom Rosenthal sits down with an anonymous retired lorry driver in a London park. They discuss the realities of life after retirement, coping with the loss of a life partner, love that transcends death, the role of humor and family, brushes with fate (including a moving tale involving seven paramedics), and reflections on aging, friendship, and finding joy in small routines. The frank, warm, and distinctly British conversation is full of wit, hard-earned wisdom, and heart.

Key Discussion Points

1. Retirement, Loneliness, and Routine

• Monotony and Isolation:
  The guest describes every day as feeling the same after retirement, especially since losing his partner:
  • "Every day is the same to me because I'm retired. I lost my partner in November, so I'm bored to tears." [00:48]
• Daily Structure:
  Despite mobility issues, he forces himself outdoors to sit on benches, people-watch, and keep a touch of routine.
  • “If I don’t do it, sit in house and die.” [02:38]
• Finding Connection:
  He cherishes brief exchanges—saying “good morning” to passersby—as small acts of connection:
  • “People walk past and say good morning. So I say good morning... It’s a little bit.” [03:39]

2. The Joys and Pains of Family

• Grandchildren as Comfort:
  Time with grandchildren provides comic relief and motivation:
  • “I tease the life out of them... running them about. I’m a taxi for them.” [03:06, 25:14]
• Playful Memories:
  A prank with ice cream leaves a lasting memory (and a lesson):
  • “It backfired on me because he burst out crying because he saw the difference... But that’s me.” [04:24]
• Legacy and Priorities:
  A hospital stay prompts a vow:
  • “The rest of my life I’m going to spend with my grandkids... I make sure I see them.” [05:07]

3. A Lifetime of Love and Loss

• Unmarried Partners:
  The guest recounts 47 years with his partner, never married but deeply committed:
  • “We were together 47 here.” [06:01]
  • “The beauty of us. We never argued, me and her, really. No. I mean, we had words.” [06:09]
• Enduring Affection:
  He describes ritual conversations with her urn, believing she sends him comforting signs:
  • "I’ve got her urn at home, it’s in the sitting room... I talk to her and I feel a presence when I’m talking to her." [06:56]
  • On receiving 'signs' from his late partner via music: "I think she could see I was fed up... she’s put something nice on for me." [08:45]
• Death and Acceptance:
  Although overwhelmed after her sudden passing, he reflects with acceptance:
  • "Death doesn’t bother me. It’s gonna come to you, you know. But my partner, she just never woke up. Which was a lovely death in my eyes." [09:23]

4. The Night Seven Paramedics Came

• Crisis Recalled:
  The guest delivers a detailed, raw retelling of his partner’s final moments—a health crisis at dawn, the desperate emergency call, and a house suddenly full of paramedics:
  • “Seven, truthfully, seven paramedics. But I’m there crying with bleeding eyes out.” [10:13]
• The Kindness of Strangers:
  He highlights the care of a young female paramedic:
  • “She was absolutely brilliant... She was putting my mind at ease... phoned my daughters.” [10:35]
• Hospitals and Letting Go:
  The ordeal in the hospital ends with him making the unimaginable decision to turn off life support:
  • “I didn’t want to be the person to say, turn my partner’s thing off, but I ended up. I had to.” [12:01]
  • Parting words: “I kissed her on the cheek and I just said to her, wait for me, love, won’t you?” [13:21]

5. Regret, Normalcy, and Memory

• “I Wish…” Realizations:
  He expresses regret over things unsaid, but believes she knew he loved her:
  • “I wish I’d have said... I wish I said that, but there again, she knew I loved her.” [13:32]
• Humorous Affection:
  • “She was. Truthfully, she was one of the biggest morning farts that ever walked on this earth. But she was my morning fart and I didn’t mind.” [14:21]
• How They Met:
  The story of their relationship, beginning with secret meetings at a wine bar in Leicester while both were married, is told with mischievous honesty:
  • “Did you have an affair with her? Yeah. Yeah. Well, we did eventually. Yeah.” [15:43]
  • “It’s me or the lorry, she said. I picked her. So I picked a lot of it.” [16:02, 16:30]

6. Life on the Road

• Memories from Lorry Driving:
  Nostalgic for beautiful British places and camaraderie with fellow drivers:
  • “I used to like Cornwall, you know.” [16:48]
  • “After a long day, go park up, bath. Oh, Chinese restaurant...always got talking to another lorry driver.” [17:26]
• Lone Journeys:
  He shares how radio kept him company and how picking up the occasional hitchhiker provided memorable, if sometimes shady, company:
  • “Radio. Radio. Radio station 2 classic at 4.” [18:13]

7. Facing Mortality

• Cancer Diagnosis:
  With typical bluntness and good humor, he describes the moment of diagnosis and what followed:
  • “I've just got an audible feeling down. And he said, that's... natural to get... You've got 18 months to live.” [25:45]
  • "He looked at me and he says, bloody hell, don’t you look well? ... We found out that we were a bit wrong. ... it's not as bad." [26:19]
• Staying Positive:
  He refuses to let illness define or limit him:
  • “I'm getting out. I'm not going to sit in the house and die.” [26:39]
  • “My grandkids keep on telling me, saying, grandad, don’t leave us yet. And I said, I ain’t going nowhere yet, love.” [27:00]
• Friendship vs. Loneliness:
  Admits that evening loneliness bites the hardest; wishes for a new companion, not for romance, but someone to share daily routines:
  • “I’d like a friend. ... when I get home on my own, it'd be nice to have a friend who would say, ‘I’m in McDonald’s now having a coffee, want to come down and have one with me?’” [23:22]
  • “It is a lonely life... but it’s on a night time when I’ve locked that door...” [28:28]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Losing His Partner:
  “I talk to her and I feel a presence when I’m talking to her. I tell her what I’m going to do today... I hope you’re having one [a cup of tea] somewhere else.” [06:56]
• On Regret:
  “You take people for granted...I wish I'd have taken her for that coffee which I promised...But you don't realize until after something's happened.” [13:32]
• On Humor and Love:
  “She was one of the biggest morning farts that ever walked on this earth. But she was my morning fart.” [14:21]
• On Finding New Companionship:
  “It would be nice... someone who would say, ‘I’m having fish and chips tonight. Shall I get twice? Your house or my house?’ ... But when it gets to my age, it don't happen.” [23:22]
• On Facing Cancer:
  “But how I feel, I feel good in myself...I make sure that I'm doing what I'm doing... I'm getting out.” [26:39]
• On Small Joys:
  “My hobby, running me grandkids around. I don't mind being a taxi for them. I enjoy it.” [25:14]
• Closing Poetic Monologue (C, voice):
  “Life, death and a whole lot of... What else do you expect? No regret. Go bollocks. Sit on a bench in loving memory...” [29:12]

Important Timestamps

• 00:48 – Guest describes retirement and loneliness
• 03:06 – On time with grandchildren
• 05:07 – On making a vow to spend more time with grandkids after a cancer diagnosis
• 06:56 – On ongoing conversations with his late partner
• 09:58–13:21 – Story of partner’s passing, seven paramedics, and letting go
• 13:32–14:21 – Regrets and humorous memories
• 16:48–18:13 – Reflections on lorry driving, travel, and coping with solitude
• 23:22 – Wishing for companionship in old age
• 25:45–26:39 – Cancer diagnosis and determination to live fully
• 29:12–30:30 – Poetic closing reflection on love, loss, and the road

Tone and Style

The mood is unfiltered and reflective, with moments of biting humor and authentic vulnerability. The conversation is deeply human: both rooted in the everyday and facing life’s existential edge. The guest’s Yorkshire wit, directness, and warmth shine throughout.

Conclusion

This episode provides an unvarnished look at the emotional landscape of retirement, bereavement, and aging—made rich by humor, memories, and the small routines that keep us going. It’s a meditation on partnership, ordinary heroism, and the grace of being noticed—even by a stranger on a bench.