Strangers on a Bench
Episode 64: A Letter To My Mum
Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: December 1, 2025
Episode Overview
In this moving and deeply personal episode, Tom Rosenthal sits on a sunny London bench with an anonymous guest who’s just settled down to write a letter to her late mother. Their conversation explores grief, the lasting impact of a parent, the role of friendship, and the search for healing after profound loss. The guest, a young social worker, provides raw and thoughtful insights on mourning, resilience, and finding comfort in life’s small joys—ranging from reality TV marathons to heartfelt family moments.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Getting Started: Favourite Days & Guilty Pleasures
- [00:52 – 03:01]
- Tom opens with light questions to break the ice, asking about favorite days of the week and “best Saturdays.”
- Guest admits loving Saturdays, wishing for a lie-in, and often binging on “Married at First Sight Australia.”
“The Australians just give something that we don’t give up.” – B [01:52]
- She jokes that the show taught her “how not to act in a relationship.”
On Relationships & Independence
- [03:01 – 04:25]
- Guest is in a happy relationship, highlighting the value of friendship, support, and shared loyalty.
- She stresses the importance of maintaining independence and cherishing close friendships even while partnered.
The Power of Friendship in Dark Times
- [04:25 – 05:19]
- During recent hardships, she’s learned the greatest gift from friends is simply their presence and ability to listen.
“My friends have just showed up even when I’m not really able to show up… they’ve just been there and that’s been really valuable to me.” – B [04:43]
- During recent hardships, she’s learned the greatest gift from friends is simply their presence and ability to listen.
Loss, Grieving, and the Letter
- [05:19 – 08:04]
- Guest shares the loss of her mother four months earlier, which was both sudden and unexpected.
- She visits the bench to remember her, inspired by wisteria her mother loved.
“I bought my notebook, actually, because I think I was gonna write her a letter… a lot of things that in these past few months I’ve wanted to be able to say to her.” – B [05:54]
- Wishes she had expressed more love and updates to her mother, like her sister passing her driving test.
Navigating Grief’s New Normal
- [08:04 – 10:54]
- Tom relates through his own experience of losing his father.
“It’s like one universe and another, isn’t it? I consider it a bit like you’re kind of born again in a way… you’re just a little one.” – A [08:17]
- Guest describes being in “limbo,” struggling to accept the permanence of loss.
- A poignant memory: her mum’s message, “Make sure you live your best life, my darling.”
- Tom relates through his own experience of losing his father.
On Time, Healing, & Building New Memories
- [10:54 – 13:01]
- Discussion turns to how grief doesn’t have a fixed timeline or clear structure, unlike other life events.
- Tom observes that dreams of lost loved ones are a comfort that may come in time.
Recalling the Day and First Weeks of Loss
- [12:42 – 16:41]
- Guest recounts the immediate aftermath: sitting with her father and sister, realizing “we’re not a four anymore.”
“I just remember thinking, what now? What now? Everything’s changed now forever.” – B [13:21]
- The day after, she found herself immobilized, seeking comfort in old Disney movies, feeling a physical pain from grief.
- Guest recounts the immediate aftermath: sitting with her father and sister, realizing “we’re not a four anymore.”
On Coping: Below Deck, Distraction, and the Return to Work
- [16:41 – 18:59]
- Details phases of distraction (e.g., binge-watching several seasons of “Below Deck”) and relating this to her continued struggle.
- Prepares for her return to emotionally demanding work as a social worker with children and young people.
The Gift and Challenge of Empathy
- [19:56 – 21:44]
- Tom observes that such grief can enhance empathy and presence, potentially making her even more impactful in her social work.
“There’s an awareness and appreciation of life that you will now bring to that, which I think is quite special.” – A [19:50]
- Guest notes her family has grown closer; has been comforted by connecting with her mother’s friends.
- Tom observes that such grief can enhance empathy and presence, potentially making her even more impactful in her social work.
Cherished Memories & Keepsakes
- [22:40 – 27:32]
- Her mother’s infectious laugh and sense of humor stand out, as do small acts like sneaking shopping treats for her kids.
- Most treasured keepsake: a childhood postcard from her mother—
“Remember always that you have a unique talent that no one else has. Love, Mummy.” – B [27:18]
- Grateful she kept the note, despite usually not being a sentimental hoarder.
Who She Is: Identity Beyond Grief
- [27:53 – 31:17]
- Guest describes herself as independent, empathetic; reveals her surprise career pivot from science to social work after lockdown reevaluation.
- Social work has taught her about hidden struggles and the resilience in people.
The Joy and Pain of Helping Others
- [31:17 – 32:46]
- Describes the emotional attachment to cases—bittersweet to say goodbye after transformative progress.
- Acknowledges the challenge of following her own advice, even as she guides others toward change.
On Social Work and Future Goals
- [33:45 – 34:27]
- Encourages others to consider social work for its transformative moments, though acknowledges its challenges.
“…when you see those children or family members have this breakthrough… you just think, that’s why I’m doing this. It means everything.” – B [34:18]
- Encourages others to consider social work for its transformative moments, though acknowledges its challenges.
Lightening the Mood: Hobbies, Nails, and Everyday Life
- [34:27 – 41:36]
- Tom encourages finding a new hobby—suggestions include choir singing and fencing (the guest prefers nails, netball, and perhaps joining a choir).
- Amusing discussion on the challenges of having long acrylic nails.
“I do feel like it’s become part of my personality… I just kind of lost my personality when I lost my nails.” – B [37:23]
The Little Things: Surroundings, Approachable Nature, and Sunny Gardens
- [41:36 – 43:15]
- Guest describes the tranquil garden setting and how it brings her peace and a feeling of closeness to her mother.
- Tom reflects on her approachable demeanor and presence.
Quickfire & Lighthearted Questions
- [43:48 – 45:55]
- Exchanges stories about weird things seen from windows, being approachable, pranking her boyfriend if she was invisible, and other playful scenarios.
- Guest quips about boredom:
“This podcast.” – B [45:03]
Closing Reflections: What’s Next
- [46:06 – 47:45]
- Guest intends to finally write her letter to her mum, then see friends later. On a broader level, she’s focusing on taking things “day by day.”
“If you’d said to me three, four months ago that I would have made it this far, I wouldn’t have seen how, but I’ve done it. So I’ve just got to take each day as it comes and see what happens.” – B [46:44]
- Guest intends to finally write her letter to her mum, then see friends later. On a broader level, she’s focusing on taking things “day by day.”
Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes
- On grief and moving forward:
“I feel like I’m just in this, like limbo, but I’m not. Like, this is the new normal, but I just struggling to accept that this is the new normal.” – B [08:33]
- On empathy after loss:
“You will now bring to that [your work]… an extra level of empathy and humanity.” – A [20:11]
- On keepsakes and memories:
“It says, remember always that you have a unique talent that no one else has. Love, Mummy.” – B [27:18]
- On friendship:
“My friends have just showed up even when I’m not really able to show up.” – B [04:43]
- On living with loss:
“There was one day at the end, but that was just the last day… We shouldn’t let it overshadow so many days of good life.” – A [26:18]
- On being honest about grief’s aftermath:
“I remember sitting there googling quite a lot. Why can’t I cry? The tears have come and come and come since then, believe me.” – B [14:49]
- On daily endurance:
“I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do next in a big way, but just getting through day by day at the moment.” – B [46:37]
Important Timestamps
- [05:19] — Guest discusses her mother’s death and coming to the bench to remember her.
- [13:21] — Describes the first family moment after loss.
- [27:18] — Shares the content of the childhood postcard from her mother.
- [34:18] — Explains what makes social work worthwhile.
- [46:44] — Reflects on “just taking each day as it comes.”
Tone & Language
The conversation strikes a balance between sorrow and hope, depth and gentle humor. Rosenthal’s warmth and empathy sets the tone, while the guest’s openness offers listeners a rare, vulnerable window into grief and the enduring love between parent and child. Their exchange is naturally flowing, filled with honest, unfiltered reflections, everyday details, and a few playful asides.
Closing & Song
The episode closes with a poignant musical interlude (Tom’s own song), echoing themes of resilience, memory, and hope, followed by the guest preparing to write her letter as a gentle next step forward.