Strangers on a Bench

Episode 65: The Thirty-Seven Club
Host: Tom Rosenthal
Recorded: December 8, 2025

Overview

This episode of Strangers on a Bench centers on an open, deeply honest conversation between Tom Rosenthal and a London stranger (pseudonymously dubbed “Brass”) as they share a park bench. The discussion weaves the stranger’s life story—from a tough childhood marked by family trauma and care homes, to forging a path as a dad, partner, electrician, and lyricist. At its heart, the episode is about perseverance, the cycles of family, how we find connection, and the shadow cast by inherited legacies, particularly surrounding the age of 37—a number heavy with meaning from his family’s history.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Tuesdays: The Worst Day of the Week

• Opening Banter & Theories on Days
  • Brass expresses an unorthodox hatred for Tuesdays, defends Mondays, and humorously deconstructs the week’s “emotional” contours:
    • "Monday, we know Monday. Wednesday’s halfway through...then you got Tuesday, the bastard. See you next Tuesday, innit?" [01:26]
  • He admits this idea is likely self-fulfilling:
    • "Because I spoke it into existence...it's probably gonna be the shittest day." [01:52]
• What Makes a Good Tuesday?
  • His ideal is simple: a day off from work, coffee and maybe a joint with his wife, music and PlayStation, time for reading. [02:30–02:53]
  • Touching on his eldest son preparing to leave home, Brass reflects on the shifting quietness of family life. [03:11–03:37]

Family, Relationships & Connection

• Partnership Dynamics
  • Brass shares the mundane intimacy of married life—breaking the ice after arguments with jokes and laughter:
    • "I'll just go in and laugh at her...and she’ll go, 'fuck off.'...just normal stuff, man." [04:34]
  • On their relationship’s strength:
    • "She’s like the female me, I’m like the male her...If the core is there, the faff can be sorted out." [05:33–05:39]
• First Meeting with His Wife
  • A chance encounter at a house party while in a sling post-boxing injury led to a lasting connection. They didn’t exchange numbers initially, but reconnected weeks later. Together for 17 years since. [06:02–07:14]

The Weight and Legacy of 37

• A Family Pattern & Anxiety
  • Both his father and grandfather died of heart attacks at 37. As the eldest son, Brass internalized this family “curse”:
    • "He actually told us when we were kids that when he was 37, he'd die of a heart attack. So he did." [07:31]
    • "So I had it in my head for years...at 37 I was gonna go." [08:09]
  • Surviving past 37 lifted a significant weight:
    • "On my 37th birthday...my brother phoned me up. 'You made it.'...So on your 38th birthday, do you remember how you're feeling? Brass: Great..." [09:09–09:34]

Trauma, Childhood, and Forgiveness

• Growing Up in and Out of Care
  • He narrates being in care due to family need and authority intervention, describing running away from both home and care—always hungry, sometimes battered by staff, yet steadfastly rejecting victimhood:
    • "Listen, Tom—there’s kids around the world...worse than what I’ve had. I’ll never use that as an excuse." [15:27–16:37]
• Resilient Independence
  • Eventually, education and work provided an escape. He became a self-funded student and a fully qualified electrician:
    • "I'm a fully qualified electrician...I come from nothing. I didn't have no GCSEs. I barely went to school." [16:37]
• Finding Mentors
  • Support from elders on building sites and workplaces proved crucial in absence of parental guidance:
    • "Some of the older people on the building site, they see what I'd go through...They were there in a soft moment, told me to go home when I tried to show up to work after my dad died." [16:47–17:26]

Relationship with Father & Grief

• Difficult Upbringing & Cycles of Abuse
  • His father—traumatized in turn—struggled with love, poverty, and dependency. The burdened relationship changed for the better shortly before his passing, but his death left unanswered questions:
    • "We’d forgive him for what he done...Questions happen after someone goes, you never truly get over grief." [11:34–11:51]
• Memorable Moments
  • Favorite childhood memories involve simple joys—playing football, buying toys, and shared nights gaming as his father became isolated and malnourished. [12:11–12:58]
• Cycle Broken
  • Brass is proud of ending cycles of violence:
    • "Our kids have never been hit, never been shouted at. They're lucky that we turned out all right." [12:58–14:01]

Partnership As Anchor

• His Wife as the Rock
  • He attributes much of his strength and stability to his partner:
    • "She's a rock...One of the best things that happened to me. No judging." [18:24]

Fatherhood

• Early Parenthood and Meaning
  • He became a young father because of longing for stability after a turbulent youth.
  • While the first partnership didn’t last, he always prioritized his child. He later embraced a blended family—raising stepchildren and having another child. [18:38–20:41]
• “Motley Crew” Family
  • Family gatherings are rare as adults, but all remain connected. He laments social media’s emptiness compared to real contact:
    • "I can't stand it. I'm here if you want to speak properly, phone me up or text me. I hate it, Tom." [21:25]

Music, Passion, and Health Scare

• Dual Identity: Musician & Electrician
  • Brass raps about life, politics, and emotion.
  • He shares a health scare (H. pylori infection after allegedly being spat into his burger) that brought him close to death or perhaps triggered a panic attack.
  • He recites a moving, rapid-fire verse written in the aftermath, filled with metaphors about mortality and gratitude for his wife’s support:

    "Crawl along the floor / Is this what they call dying? I ain't giving up now / I know what they call trying / ...My real angel is the wifey answering my siren and my ambulance beside me...” [23:41–24:24]

  • The experience leaves him physically and mentally changed, less fearful of death, and more focused on his family and unfinished business:
    • "If it was close to death, it made me not scared of death." [24:26–25:02]

Work, Pride & Advice for Youth

• Proud to Be an Electrician
  • Achieving his “gold card” marks a high point, after self-funding his training:
    • "That was probably the best thing...I thought, you can't take this away from me. I can always work." [27:06–27:36]
  • He advocates for building trade apprenticeships as pathways for troubled youth:
    • "All these kids...if they're not so intelligently good for other jobs, give them a building site...get some programs for them." [28:00-28:24]

Scars and Markers: Tattoos and Memories

• Prison Tattoos
  • He briefly touches on time in a young offenders institution, marked by a hand tattoo symbolizing his isolation:
    • "That's me in the middle and four walls...it means you're in the wall, isolated." [29:15–29:30]
  • Narrates the comedic story of stealing a car, forgetting their cigarettes, and returning to the scene of the crime. [29:51–30:11]

Vivid Memories: Trauma and Joy

• Harshest & Happiest Moments
  • Most vivid memory: holding his mother after a suicide attempt as a young teen. [30:25–30:48]
  • Joyous: births of his children, watching his youngest’s grip on the delivery room scales. [31:39–32:10]

Outlook: What Comes Next?

• Final Reflections
  • What’s next for Brass? Simplicity, stability, and kindness:
    • "I just want to chill, Tom. I just want to have a good life with the missus for the rest of it. I want my kids to achieve...but still be humble and never let anyone else struggle if they can, because I'll help anyone." [32:39–33:16]
  • On the experience:
    • "It was quite good, actually. I'm glad I said yes." [33:16]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Tuesdays & Existential Tuesdays:
  "Monday, we know Monday. Wednesday's halfway through the week...then you've got Tuesday, the bastard." – Brass [01:26]
• On Family Cycles:
  "His dad died at 37...then my dad died at 37...so I had it in my head for years…at 37 I was gonna go." – Brass [07:31–08:09]
• On Grief:
  "You never truly get over grief, do you? Because the day comes back." – Brass [11:43]
• On Breaking the Cycle:
  "Our kids have never been hit, never been shouted at. They're lucky we turned out all right." – Brass [12:58]
• On Partnership:
  "She's a rock...No judging." – Brass [18:24]
• On Facing Death:

  "If it was close to death, it made me not scared of death." – Brass [24:26]

• On Simple Ambitions:
  "I just want to chill...go work, make your money, go home and chill. There's not much more I do want..." – Brass [32:39]

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 01:26 — “Tuesdays are the worst" / Theories on the Week
• 02:30 — Ideal Tuesday / Morning Ritual
• 03:11 — Empty Nest & Quiet House
• 04:34 — Breaking Ice After Fights / Partnership Dynamics
• 06:02 — Meeting His Wife / The House Party
• 07:31 — The “37 Club” Family Legend Begins
• 09:34 — Relief at Reaching Age 38
• 11:04 — Learning of Father’s Death / Unresolved Grief
• 12:11 — Pleasant Childhood Memories with Dad
• 14:11 — Meeting a Partner from a Different Background
• 15:27 — Life in Care, Breaking Cycles, Education/Work
• 18:24 — Wife’s Support / Her Role in Transformation
• 21:25 — On Social Media & Family Contact
• 23:41 — Health Crisis & Original Rap Verse
• 27:06 — Pride in Electrician’s Gold Card
• 29:15 — Tattoos Symbolizing Isolation / Young Offender Memory
• 30:25 — Most Vivid (Traumatic) Childhood Memory
• 31:39 — Joyful Birth of Children
• 32:39 — What’s Next / Simple Goals

Episode Tone

Insightful yet down-to-earth, the episode moves fluidly between heavy, heartfelt confession and dry, often self-deprecating humor. Brass’s Cockney warmth, resilience, and openness, combined with Tom’s gentle curiosity, create an intimate and atmospheric snapshot of a stranger’s life—an ordinary person with stories that both hurt and inspire.

Closing Words:
A resonant exploration of inherited trauma, survival, resilient love, and the understated poetry of everyday life. As Tom succinctly puts it:
"...a couple of strangers on a bench."