Strangers on a Bench, Episode 67: What We Do To Survive
Host: Tom Rosenthal
Guest: Anonymous Stranger
Air date: December 22, 2025
Overview
In this intimate episode, Tom Rosenthal sits with a stranger on a park bench, diving deep into themes of survival, resilience, the search for meaning, and the lifelong effects of hardship. The guest, a 61-year-old vegan artist with West Indian roots, recounts a life spanning the streets of New York, prison survival, fatherhood, migration, and the healing power of art and connection with nature. Through anonymous candor, the episode explores how people adapt, what they carry, and how they imagine their futures.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
1. Daily Life, Connection to Nature, and Vegan Living
- The guest describes a peaceful morning ritual: waking up around 7-9am, having a vegan breakfast (often tofu, vegan sausages, or just herbal tea on workout days), and sitting in his room with access to the garden, watching and feeding birds.
- “When I open up the door, I hear the birds chirping and they start flying around like they're waiting on me to feed them. That's a nice feeling to have that connection.” (02:21)
- Feeding birds is a post-childhood habit, tied to a deep sense of connection with nature.
2. Reflections on Humanity and the System
- Discourse on human nature and societal systems, which the guest characterizes as built on lies and control.
- “This whole system is a lie. The society we live in—we're being directed, controlled. We've been living a lie so long, when the truth is presented, we don't even know how to accept it.” (04:46)
- Attempts to avoid reliance on the system, especially regarding food and health, learning to eat better and live differently from mainstream culture.
3. Growing Up in New York: Survival, Violence, and Trauma
- The guest grew up in the Bronx and Harlem, experiencing the perils of 1970s gang culture, street violence, and survival.
- Vivid stories include:
- Chased and threatened by gangs at age 9, with a meat cleaver to his neck.
- Surviving a gunpoint robbery at work.
- Enduring shootouts and regular exposure to death and danger.
- “I've had guns pulled out on me on the street... I've known people that got found in the boot of a car or burnt up in a car...” (09:41)
- Vivid stories include:
- Effects: deep distrust of people, vigilance, and the necessity to be tough.
4. Trust, Bad Choices, and Carrying Guns
- Due to the trauma, trust remains elusive.
- “You always have those antennas up. Sometimes it's the one that's closest to you that can harm you.” (15:36)
- He avoided joining gangs even after traumatic encounters, but did own guns for protection.
5. Migration and Family Ties
- Left New York in 1999, partially motivated by a distant relationship with his father (who'd settled in the UK). He never managed to meet his father, learning only posthumously about siblings.
- Became a father himself, viewing it as a core part of his identity—especially given his own experience of father absence.
6. Prison Experience and Art as Survival
- Incarcerated for a total of 12 years (on-and-off) in the US, mainly due to survival-related crimes (weapons, drugs).
- Surviving Rikers Island meant psyching himself up mentally and adapting tough personas.
- “To survive Rikers Island, I had to turn myself into a monster on the bus before I even get to the island.” (19:00)
- Art became a crucial tactic for survival, respect, and even financial support in prison.
- “I made good money selling artwork in jail.” (21:11)
- “It was one of my best survival tactics.” (21:01)
- Notable story: drew a pit bull for a feared inmate, Mo Dog, forging a protective relationship.
- “He seemed like he liked me... I drew him a picture for free. And he really liked it… He was cool with me.” (22:23-23:09)
- Painted portraits (notably of a blues guitarist), drawing for inmates and staff alike.
7. Release and Re-entry
- His release from prison was surreal; he wanted solitude, walking three miles instead of relying on transport.
- “You’re not used to being around people… even seeing trees, you start appreciating things.” (26:36)
- Encountered warmth from his Jamaican mother, who’d rarely visited him in prison by his request—a boundary to protect her from the stress.
8. Struggles and Hope as a Father
- Expresses pain over strained relationships with his children, especially after splitting from their mother.
- “A good day is [my son] not dealing with me like he hates me.” (32:23)
- Feels the weight of repeating paternal absence, but also a strong urge to break the cycle.
- His daughter is reconnecting; his son is talented (teaching himself music), and the guest clings to hope.
9. The Influence of the Absent Father and the Power of Small Gestures
- His own father, though absent, once drew for him—a moment that sparked a lifelong passion for art.
- “I can remember back to when I was like 4 years old, and he drew a picture for me, and that’s what started me drawing. So it shows me how much influence a dad could have with a child.” (36:03)
10. Healing, Dreams, and Present-Day Goals
- Healing and peace are driving forces.
- “If I could live my rest of my days happily, I’d be grateful. And I feel blessed and fortunate to be here—even with this, because people have it a lot worse.” (38:48)
- Reflects on how prison might have been replaced with opportunity or art-related work.
- Past jobs since moving to the UK: rose to management at a scaffolding company, helped organize Olympics-related logistics.
- He has unfinished paintings; art is central but motivation wavers due to past disappointments.
- Dreams of land to grow food, perhaps in a warmer climate; open to beekeeping, wants to “start this business” and become his own boss.
Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments
| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |:-------------:|:----------|:-----------| | 02:21 | “...when I open up the door, I hear the birds chirping and they start flying around like they're waiting on me to feed them. Now, that's a nice feeling to have that connection.” | Guest | | 04:46 | “This whole system is a lie. The society we live in—we're being directed, controlled. We've been living a lie so long, when the truth is presented, we don't even know how to accept it.” | Guest | | 10:31 | “You grew up with that, with it in your mind. Survival. And I guess that's why I'm so humble now, because you've seen it, been through it, and you want to avoid this type of thing.” | Guest | | 14:55 | “It makes you trust people less. Yeah, it made me make some bad choices.” | Guest | | 19:00 | “To survive Rikers Island, I had to turn myself into this monster on the bus before I even get to the island.” | Guest | | 21:11 | “I made good money selling artwork in jail.” | Guest | | 23:14 | “Yeah, I drew a picture of a pit bull. He loved it.” | Guest | | 26:36 | “You're not used to being around people. So when you're around people, your mind is racing. There's times when I didn't even see trees and started appreciating these things.” | Guest | | 32:23 | “A good day is him not dealing with me like he hates me. He's okay with me. We had a good time, respectful.” | Guest | | 36:03 | “One thing, though, I can remember back to when I was like, 4 years old, and he drew a picture for me, and that's what started me drawing. So it shows me how much influence a dad could have with a child.” | Guest | | 38:30 | “It's very important [healing]. I see things differently. People, you know, I like to show people that humble side of me. I love peace. Don't like drama. Seen it.” | Guest |
Important Timestamps and Segments
- 00:50–02:40 – Bird feeding, nature rituals, and connection to the environment
- 03:32–06:51 – Systemic betrayal, making independent health choices
- 07:12–14:55 – Growing up in New York: gangs, violence, and survival stories
- 15:03–16:08 – Trust issues, carrying protection, survival mindset
- 18:44–24:00 – Prison: adapting, art as survival, relationship with “Mo Dog”
- 25:02–28:42 – Release from prison, family reunion, and the struggle to adjust
- 29:14–37:02 – Focus on fatherhood, family ruptures, and the cycle of absent fathers
- 38:30–41:56 – Healing, potential, and the importance of opportunity
- 43:20–44:59 – Ambitions: land, peace, self-employment, and growing food
Closing Reflections
The guest’s story is layered, vulnerable, and unflinching: from violence-ridden youth and the hard mathematics of survival, to prisons both physical and mental, to creativity as salvation, and fatherhood as both ache and aspiration. Throughout, there’s a movement from mistrust and necessity to hopefulness and a slow, hard-earned peace.
Tom’s sensitive, curious prompts elicit unfiltered perspectives: the guest’s philosophies are never detached from his lived experience. The conversation closes with dreams—some deferred, some still possible—and the reminder that, even in darkness, small moments of connection can transform a life.
Final Memorable Closing
Tom (47:14): “There's a million different things I can ask you, but I think we've got a really good snapshot of your very fascinating life.”
Guest (47:16): “What I've told you—most people, I don't talk about it. They don't even know I've been to jail, prison. I don't tell people this stuff... So I keep it to myself.”
Tom (48:42): “Lots to come.”
(Episode ends with a poetic musical reflection by Tom, echoing the guest’s journey: “Slipped out of New York City fast as I could… when I paint my pictures I let it bleed right through...”)