EPISODE 69: I've Never Felt This Way Before

Summary

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Strangers on a Bench

Episode 69: I've Never Felt This Way Before

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: January 5, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this moving and intimate episode, Tom Rosenthal sits down with a young anonymous woman on a park bench for an open-hearted conversation. What starts as small talk evolves into raw confessions about love, vulnerability, and the complications of a long-distance relationship. The guest discusses her recent admission of a lie to her boyfriend, her struggle with guilt, intense emotions, and the joys and anxieties of loving someone deeply for the first time. The episode explores the necessity of honesty in relationships, the beauty and pain of longing, the mundane yet comforting aspects of life, and how random encounters can create connection and reflection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Encounter and Setting the Scene (00:04–03:00)

• Tom playfully introduces the premise of the podcast and comments on the randomness of two strangers sitting together on a bench.
• They joke about anonymity, locations, and describe physical appearances and personal quirks.
  • Quote [01:19], B: "Rough right now."
• The guest shares about her painted black fingernails and how routines like this fall by the wayside due to work and life changes:
  • Quote [01:43], B: "Work, life."
• They riff on having 'too many pies' in life and narrowing down priorities:
  • Quote [02:11], B: "Sometimes I think if you've got your thumb in too many pies, you... You don't know what one you've eaten."

2. Running, Routine, and Mental Health (03:00–04:14)

• The guest explains that she’d just finished her longest run, used as a way to clear her head.
• Tom draws a connection between life’s unpredictability and moments on benches:
  • Quote [03:11], B: "Talking about it. Yeah. That's what can happen in life."
• Running becomes a metaphor for coping and introspection.

3. The Nature of Anticipation, Love, and Long-Distance (04:14–05:59)

• The conversation shifts as Tom asks about her favorite day of the week. She chooses Thursday, as it signifies the start of seeing her long-distance boyfriend.
  • Quote [04:37], B: "I have a long distance relationship and we see each other on Thursdays to Monday and it’s like the best thing ever on a Thursday now."
• They discuss the pleasurable pain of anticipation when missing someone and the clarity and intensity distance brings in a relationship:
  • Quote [05:14], B: "Distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder and...everything you do is like really clear and separated from the other person."

4. Confession, Guilt, and Honesty in Relationships (06:00–12:00)

• The guest confesses to having recently lied to her boyfriend about a brief past encounter that happened before they were officially together.
  • Quote [07:39], B: “No, I lied.”
  • Quote [08:08], B: "I just up. I lied. I was a liar."
• She explains the lie was out of fear of being seen differently, not wanting him to leave, and feeling very guilty afterward.
• Tom offers reassurance and empathy, normalizing her reaction as a response to powerful emotions:
  • Quote [09:15], A: "Intense romantic stuff makes people do things they wouldn’t normally do."
• The guest details how she came clean over a video call, and her boyfriend’s emotional, angry reaction.
  • Quote [10:04], B: "I couldn't even hold myself together, if I'm honest. And he was fuming and we haven't spoke since."

5. Reflection on Love, Vulnerability, and Determination (13:49–20:33)

• She describes how this is her first time experiencing such deep love and obsession.
  • Quote [13:13], B: "I've never been like this about anyone before, ever."
• Tom asks about the moment she knew her feelings were special, leading to a story of their first meeting and the rituals that cemented their bond.
• She faces uncertainty after the confession, but is determined to fight for the relationship.
  • Quote [21:59], B: "I normally get what I want. But this isn't the same sort of thing, is it? Because this is someone else's feelings."

6. Love’s Narrative: The Meeting, Music, and A Sense of Home (14:03–19:46, 26:08–29:49)

• The couple’s meet-cute: puppy yoga, drinks in a pub, breakfast at Canary Wharf, and emotional airport goodbyes.
  • Quote [14:29], B: “Can I sit here? … He turned it on just for a pickup line.”
• Shared music forms a part of their connection, with three "their songs":
  • [28:26, B]: “In third place, Stereophonics... Second one is Rebel Soul by Kawanuka… And then the one for me is Soul Love by David Bowie.”
• Both bonding and longing are closely tethered to music and shared ritual.

7. Family, Daily Life, and Seeking Comfort in the Ordinary (29:54–33:32)

• The conversation lightens with talk about baking, her younger brother, and father’s birthday—simple, loving details about daily life.
  • Quote [31:15], B: “Yeah, he is three years younger than me. How the fuck did you know that?”
• She lists what grounds her: making brownies, joking about blowing up birthday balloons, and balancing family celebrations with emotional turmoil.

8. Physical and Emotional Space—From Parks to Benches to Rooms (25:13–27:53, 33:44–36:42)

• The guest describes her room, filled with black décor and fake plants, noting her resistance to looking after real plants as a sign of limited bandwidth.
• The park—surrounded by ducks and willow trees—acts as a momentary sanctuary.
• She narrates a mischievous memory with her brother in a canoe, illustrating both sibling dynamics and her self-described resilience.

9. Closure, Acceptance, and Moving Forward (36:42–37:51)

• The episode closes as they reflect on their honest conversation, the unknowns that lie ahead, and the catharsis of sharing her story.
  • Quote [37:06], A: “That's the magic of life. We're never going to know.”
  • Quote [37:18], B: "What am I going to do next? ... Immediately go home, shower, hope that my boyfriend messages me. … If he doesn't, then we'll guess who's getting an EasyJet and Ryanair flight out. Me."

10. Musical Closure (37:59–end)

• The episode fades out with an original song, capturing the emotion of the guest’s story, with lyrics echoing the longing, hope, and indeterminacy surrounding love and risk.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I've never felt this way about someone before, so this is why I'm on the fucking run.” – B [08:59]
• “Distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder and...everything you do is really clear and separated from the other person.” – B [05:14]
• “I just up. I lied. I was a liar.” – B [08:08]
• “Crying is good because it means you feel something and it's like, to meet someone you feel passionately about is rare.” – A [16:45]
• "If I were you, I would be tempted just to rock up." – A [17:14]
• "He's literally an angel...he's so fit. I'm gonna cry again." – B [18:16, 18:50]
• “I just love him.” – B [19:04]
• "Sometimes you got to make the, the big moves." – A [17:47]
• “Small things in life are so hard. Like booking in to get your nails done frequently.” – B [33:09]
• "One, get to Ireland, do the business...Two, get one real plant...Three, get your nails sorted." – A [33:10–33:32]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:04 – Tom introduces himself and the podcast
• 01:19 – Guest describes herself
• 03:00 – Guest shares about running as a coping mechanism
• 04:14 – Favorite day of the week and anticipation
• 06:00 – Confession about lying in the relationship
• 08:59 – Guest explains the depth of her feelings
• 14:03 – Story of how the couple met
• 18:16 – What makes her boyfriend special
• 25:02 – Discussion about running, Strava, and competitiveness
• 28:26 – Their soundtrack: the couple’s three songs
• 31:15 – Talk about family and her younger brother
• 33:10 – Tom summarizes the three "life tasks"
• 36:42 – Ending thoughts and emotional conclusion
• 37:59 – Music coda reflecting episode’s themes

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Tone and Mood

• Candid, unfiltered, deeply emotional, at times humorous and self-deprecating.
• The anonymity fosters confessional openness, offering raw insight into the complexities of love, anxiety, and hope.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a poetic, living snapshot of a stranger’s heart—confronting mistakes, holding tight to love, and baring emotional truths. It reveals how even brief, happenstance encounters can create a space for radical honesty and support. Whether you’ve loved deeply, risked vulnerability, or simply needed to unburden yourself on a park bench, this conversation will resonate with its aching humanity and moments of laughter amidst the pain.

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Transcript

[A]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a. Here, we're rolling. Ready for the first one?

[B]

Yeah, go on then.

[A]

It's only going to happen once. Me and you on a bench. That funny thought.

[B]

Well, I didn't even think it would have happened in the first place.

[A]

I mean, probably the only two people doing this right now, almost certainly in London.

[B]

Is this London?

[A]

Can you go, oh, God, is this. Yeah, good question. Is this London? Is it? Is it?

[B]

Yeah. We're actually in.

[A]

Could be anywhere.

[B]

Madagascar right now.

[A]

No one's gonna know, you know. Yeah, they don't know what we look. Actually, they know what I look like.

[B]

They don't know what.

[A]

They don't know.

[B]

They don't know what I look like.

[A]

They've got no idea what you look like. Do you want to say what you look like?

[B]

Rough right now.

[A]

This isn't the first question, by the way. Describe yourself. We haven't got. We haven't got to the first one yet.

[B]

I'm five four. Five five. Blonde.

[A]

You've got black fingernails. I mean, paint. How often do you have to reapply? Do you have a ritual around doing it?

[B]

I used to. I used to have more of a routine. Yeah.

[A]

What happened? What happened?

[B]

Work, life.

[A]

What else is working life ruined?

[B]

No, it's actually work life. Relationships, friends become more. And then other things that you do fall out of the.

[A]

Yeah, it is a great shame, isn't it? So many things have to fall. It'd be nice if you could just do all the things.

[B]

I don't know, you know, you like.

[A]

Things or you don't mind.

[B]

Sometimes I think if you've got your thumb in too many pies, you. You don't know what one you've eaten.

[A]

Not a multi pie person right now. You just want a single one?

[B]

Yeah, Maybe like two or three. Three pies.

[A]

What are your pies? This might be the longest I've yet to.

[B]

Should we do the first question?

[A]

I was going to ask you what your three pies are.

[B]

My three pies?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Work, boyfriend and friends.

[A]

Fair. Okay, you ready for. Let's do it. Oh, behind us people are exercising.

[B]

I know. I did see a lunge earlier and I don't know if it was exercising.

[A]

So. You did a lunge?

[B]

Oh, no, I did a run, actually.

[A]

Oh, fantastic.

[B]

Yeah, good.

[A]

What a Good one.

[B]

It was longest I ran.

[A]

Oh, well done.

[B]

Thank you. It wasn't that long.

[A]

Still, well done.

[B]

Thank you. Onwards and upwards.

[A]

Exactly. Is that. Is this. What does this mean? The running?

[B]

To just clear my head, really. And then I sat on a bench to have a coffee and a banana and now I'm talking, talking about it. Yeah.

[A]

That's what can happen in life.

[B]

Fucking weird otherwise.

[A]

You see, this is why I don't run. This is why I don't run. I've ruined this part for you now you'd have to run somewhere else. So when you were running. I still haven't got to this first question. Why has this taken me such a long time? I'm just interested in this run now. Okay, so when you're running, were you thinking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or were you just blanking stuff out?

[B]

No, I was thinking it was a big mixture of both. It was. Yeah. It was a long old think.

[A]

Can you say what you're thinking about?

[B]

You might have to warm me up a little bit to get to that.

[A]

Okay, yeah, let's do that.

[B]

But it will happen. I will talk about it. Okay, fine. This is a sign. I don't know. I need to probably.

[A]

This isn't a sign. What else could it be? Just a random person. It could be one or the other.

[B]

Depends how you look at it.

[A]

You can take it how you look at.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Okay, let's warm you up.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Gentle stuff. I mean, luckily the first question is really gentle.

[B]

Okay, that's great.

[A]

Which is what's your favorite day of the week?

[B]

It's my favorite day of the week. At the moment. It's probably a Thursday if I'm honest.

[A]

If I'm honest, I'm totally honest. It's a Thursday. It never did.

[B]

No.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

I have a long distance relationship and we see each other on Thursdays to Monday and it's like the best thing ever on a Thursday now.

[A]

So that's every week though.

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, it's not every week.

[B]

No, it's not every week.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

So, you know, actually maybe Thursday is my favorite day. Every other week or every.

[A]

Do you think there's anything better than like the anticipation of like missing someone and like that build up? Because it actually can be quite pleasurable. Right?

[B]

Oh, it's lovely. But it's also not as good as when you see each other.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder and it also makes you realize that. I don't know, I feel like when everyone's on top of each other in relationships, you sort of like merge into each other in some weird way and like you can't have sight of when you've done something right or when you've done something wrong. And I feel like when there's a lot of distance, everything is magnified. Everything you do is like really clear and separated from the other person. And it makes it a lot harder, I think.

[A]

Is this related to the stuff you're thinking about or should I. Should I steer us back to something gentle?

[B]

No, it's okay. It. We're here.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you were thinking about that.

[B]

I was, yeah.

[A]

And thinking about what you can do about it.

[B]

No, I. I really up.

[A]

Oh, I know. What have you up.

[B]

I just up. I lied. I was a liar.

[A]

Oh, I know. Oh, okay. Okay, let's. Well, let's rewind. Let's rewind. What did. What did he lie about?

[B]

Some things that happened before we were together. I didn't tell like the full truth, I guess. And then it's been a few months onwards and I think it was just guilt from the lie. I think was the.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The hard thing.

[A]

So first things first. The thing you did, you did it before the relationship?

[B]

Yeah, it was before the relationship.

[A]

So that's so like we were speaking.

[B]

And like dating, but we weren't in a relationship as such.

[A]

And putting two into together. I'm guessing, you know you did something with someone else.

[B]

Yeah, it was. I didn't. Weren't sleeping with them or anything like that? God, no.

[A]

Just a high five.

[B]

It was just a high five. Literally. It wasn't that physical really. It was like a brief like encounter of just. I weren't really thinking. I think I was in a weird headspace. But it was like, I don't know.

[A]

As if this was bubbling up and eventually felt like you had to say something.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that literally happened like two days ago.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. So it's very fresh.

[A]

Okay, that is fresh. That is fresh. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Don't produce at all. It's just life, isn't it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, look, I mean, if it's fine. This is maybe this is the. I'm on the borderlines here, morally, like we are, whether we're in London or not. There's a fine. It's a fine line between lying and not saying something. I don't think it is.

[B]

No, I lied.

[A]

I don't think it's quite. Do you think it's just. Do you think it's lying?

[B]

I lied.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Or I said like the whole truth.

[A]

The person you're with said did you. Anything happened, you said no. Yeah, right.

[B]

I lied. Okay.

[A]

You died now. Okay, okay. Okay.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

It's okay. It's okay. So I'm. I'm thinking, I'm Now I'm thinking. Why do you think you died? I was scared and why are you scared?

[B]

I was just really scared that he was going to see me in a way that weren't actually who I was. And then by doing that, I painted myself to be someone that I wasn't. Like it was a lose lose. Cuz I think I knew that I liked him a lot. But I couldn't post. I didn't. I just couldn't connect with it. I don't know. And like I didn't want him to leave and go anywhere and I didn't think about that when that moment was happening. It's childish and it's stupid, but.

[A]

So I would say it's really complicated because you are. When there's two. When you could go either way and either way could go wrong. That's a really complicated position to be in. You've lied from my understanding so far because you actually really care quite passionately about this person that you're with.

[B]

Yeah. I've never felt this way about someone before, so this is why I'm on the fucking run.

[A]

So that's why you. If it wasn't for this lie, you wouldn't be here now. Maybe.

[B]

Yeah. So maybe I'm joking.

[A]

So good. I kind of think. I don't know. I think. I think it speaks volumes that like, you're clearly not a person that like enjoys lying.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

And so I don't think you should blame yourself for that. Remember, like intense romantic stuff makes people do things they wouldn't normally do. That is like the. It's quite, quite literally the nature of how stuff works. People just go a bit mad and it's about your strength of feeling for this person. You know, you did it because you didn't want to hurt someone. I mean, it's kind of. Actually before I said sorry, before I start talking too much. Sorry. How so I'm guessing how did it. How did he respond when he.

[B]

Sort of. Because it's long distance. It was done on the phone, which wasn't the ideal situation.

[A]

It's not a deal.

[B]

No, but I couldn't.

[A]

Oh, you just had to do it.

[B]

Had to.

[A]

Where were you when you had the conversation?

[B]

In my room, like two nights ago.

[A]

What were you looking at when you were telling him?

[B]

Him.

[A]

Oh, it was a oh, sorry.

[B]

Which I think kind of made it worse because I just. Oh, it was so stunned.

[A]

Yeah, that probably does make it worse. You've probably chosen the worst of all the telecommunication mediums there.

[B]

Fuck off. I already feel so shit about it, mate.

[A]

I'm here to make you feel worse. That's my working. Oh, no, I'm going to turn it around. That's my low point. Yeah, it's all positive positivity there.

[B]

I mean, it made me laugh. Say thanks, but. Yeah, no, it weren't good at all. And he was like, I just need a sec. And then like, we didn't speak for an hour and then he called me back and then we had a bit more of a conversation, but I couldn't even re. Hold myself together, if I'm honest. And he was fuming and we haven't spoke since.

[A]

There's only been a couple of days. Okay, will you hold. Listen, people take a bit of time to digest that, you know, and if this person is sensible, they'll have a think and go, you know what? I've got something really special with this person.

[B]

I hope so. So if not, I'm going to cry.

[A]

That's okay. Let's think about this a bit. You know, there's probably also a bit of just like, if they feel hurt, want to kind of punish the other person a bit and so.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, no. So he might be doing that. He'll sit like all the time. He'll be. He'll be feeling intensely that. That way too, you know.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I don't know. It's in the front of my head all the time, of course. Like, I can't.

[A]

And it will be in front of his as well.

[B]

Yeah. He went for a run this morning.

[A]

Oh, did he?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But how'd you know that?

[B]

Because I've got him on Strava.

[A]

Does he have yours?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that. So he'll be able to see you've been for a run.

[B]

I know we're in Strava wars right now. Does he just like my run?

[A]

Did you say he did like a run?

[B]

No, I liked his. Oh, so sad.

[A]

Okay, so. No, but he would. He. I'm sure he'll see that. He'll see that, you know, he knows you're thinking about him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you said you. You didn't tell him because you feel like so deeply about it? I mean, like, didn't want to cried. Okay.

[B]

We haven't even got that far yet.

[A]

Okay. We've got that in the locker.

[B]

I just don't know. It's the uncertainty. Like, I don't know if he's gonna leave me. And that. That's what's like, the worst thing. You can't control what you can't control. Anyway, that's that.

[A]

Whoa, Mic drop. I think she's off.

[B]

I'm off. Bye. No more bench. Yeah. Fuck a bench, mate.

[A]

Maybe he's gonna text you while we're on the bench. Let's cross our fingers.

[B]

Could you imagine?

[A]

That'd be fun. That would be a good twist. I'm like, how often do you look at your phone? More than you do normally.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's not even funny. Normally. I'm like a do not disturb wanker. And it's just on do not disturb the whole. I. It's not been on do not disturb once I've charged it on top of my head on ringer. Like, I've never been like this about anyone before, ever.

[A]

If this is painful, let me know. But I think I kind of want to know.

[B]

That's all right.

[A]

Let's get Luke. Background to the start. What was the moment when you were spending time with him at the beginning? What was the moment? You're like, you know what? Like, I. I really think I feel something deeper for this person.

[B]

I know the exact moment. So we were doing long distance and I have to get on a plane.

[A]

Oh, yes, we did mention a plane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Planes are involved.

[B]

Get on planes.

[A]

You've got to get on planes.

[B]

Fucking planes. Ireland.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you meet in Ireland?

[B]

No, we met in London. He was visiting a mate and he came out to me in a pub.

[A]

Fantastic.

[B]

I know.

[A]

What was his first line?

[B]

Can I sit here? We said it in the accent as well. Can I sit here?

[A]

That implies that.

[B]

Can I sit here?

[A]

That implies that. He wouldn't normally use the accent.

[B]

Yeah, he turned it on just. Just for a pickup line.

[A]

Yeah, the English.

[B]

Yeah. He's actually from Southampton. And I was like, yeah. Okay.

[A]

Were you with other people?

[B]

I was with my friend. Laughing. We just done puppy yoga and then we ended up in a pub.

[A]

So what is puppy yoga?

[B]

You do yoga with, like, loads of puppies. It's so great. But you don't really do yoga. You basically stretch your hamstrings out and cuddle with a Labrador.

[A]

How many puppies are about, like 12. Wow. Are they just pissing everywhere, though?

[B]

Yeah, they did piss everywhere. Yeah, I did, yeah. So there was a lot of piss.

[A]

That's what you get as well. Okay, well, okay. So you did some papa yoga you're in a great. You're. I suppose you're like. You're spiritually.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then physically.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you go straight down the pub.

[B]

Straight to the pub.

[A]

Have you had a drink at this point? 1.

[B]

Well, I had more. Yeah. Well, we went to M S and got like the cans in the pub.

[A]

What?

[B]

Well, yeah, here we go. This is tactic.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So and then you buy like a drink at the pub and then you just pour the can into the drink. So it's like a never ending vodka, lime and soda.

[A]

Drinks are so expensive now. That makes sense. But yeah, pubs are good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're very clever, basically.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

That's a clever move. Respect.

[B]

I'm feeling really clever right now.

[A]

Right, so you've done that. How many. How many cans have you poured in?

[B]

Quite a lot. I mean, it was like towards the end of the night.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then he came over and then spent the night talking to each other and then got breakfast the next day. Like met for breakfast in Canary Wharf. Spent the whole day together. And then I dropped him off at the airport.

[A]

That sounds like a nice. Although breakfast. Canary Wharf, fish room. Oh, whoa.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Pulled out all the stops.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Got meat sweats, though. You know when you're hungover and you're trying to eat.

[A]

Did you say you went to the airport with him?

[B]

Yeah, I dropped.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

We sat in like the Burger King in Stansted airport for like ages and just talked and talking. I'm going to cry again.

[A]

It's all right. It's okay. All right. Oh, mate.

[B]

Oh, it's so.

[A]

Oh. But crying is good because it means you feel something and it's like to meet someone you feel passionately about is rare, you know, and it's great. I think if. Honestly, I think if you feel this passionately, he'll be absolutely stupid to not.

[B]

I know where he lives.

[A]

I mean, I was gonna say as you were talking, I'm aware everything I say is so easy for me to say because I'm just like, this isn't my life. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So take everything I say with the pinch of stock. But if I were you, I would be tempted just to rock up.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I mean, see how it goes.

[A]

As in, nothing can be more convincing than you being there and. And taking the time to go and say, look, I'm here and this is what you mean to me and La la.

[B]

I would. I would have gone this weekend. It's my dad's birthday, so we've got like a massive family meal And I can't miss that.

[A]

Yeah. What. What happens on Monday? You worked, right?

[B]

Monday, work. Yeah. Can you.

[A]

Scott, can you sc.

[B]

Can you. Can I. Sky.

[A]

I think it might be worth it. Like, just for the day even. Sometimes you got to make the. The big moves.

[B]

I wouldn't even see it's a big move, though, like.

[A]

No, yeah. It's just a move.

[B]

What I would do. And I feel like if he's. If he don't talk to me by Sunday, then I'll do it.

[A]

What's special about him?

[B]

Oh, my God. Like, he's literally an angel. He's funny. He's so kind. He's so thoughtful. He's really hard working, active. Like, I never ran. He got me into running. He's patient. And it's like we just see life the same. And he's fit.

[A]

Andy's fit.

[B]

He's so fit. I'm gonna cry again.

[A]

That might be the first time someone's cried on a bench after. Andy's so fit. And then tears.

[B]

I know.

[A]

He's so fit.

[B]

I just love him.

[A]

Have you told him that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Because he told you that? Yeah.

[B]

And it was just perfect. It's all just like. We've both got really busy jobs and then we spend time together and we say it's just like nothing else is, like, happening. And all you think about is each other and we could be doing anything with each other and it's fine. Like I've said, I just don't think that's normal. Do you know what I mean? To feel like that with, like, anyone.

[A]

This is the first time you felt this about someone?

[B]

Yeah. And I don't think I'll ever feel like this about anyone else. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm such, like a. I'm just very, like, independent. Like, I'm not a dependent person. That's why I think, although it's long distance, like, it's been working for both of us, but when shit like this happens, it is literally like your skin is just crawling all the time. Like you can't breathe because you can't sit there and comfort that person after knowing that you've hurt them because they're not here. They're physically just not here.

[A]

Oh, you gotta get out there on Monday.

[B]

He's gotta message me.

[A]

Even if he does, maybe just do it.

[B]

Yeah. No, you're right.

[A]

One slight confusion. The person you disbling with at the.

[B]

Start, I don't even know what he looks like.

[A]

Yeah, it's gone. But this isn't someone he knows?

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

So it's just, like, literally around when, like, it was just, like, kind of.

[B]

Really fresh, but it was like we'd had conversations about being, like, exclusive or, like, not wanting to be with anyone else sort of thing, and I didn't want to be with anyone else.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was closed off, and I didn't really understand how I was feeling or I didn't want to.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I think also it's like, it's a pretty big thing to potentially fall for someone who lives in another country, you know, like. Oh, yeah, that must be a factor here. Like, it takes more to commit to that than you. If someone lived on down the road, you know, it's like, it makes sense from your standpoint to be like, well, you know. Is that him?

[B]

No, my mom. Go away. My heart just literally came out my ass. Fuck's sake.

[A]

Come on, mate, give us a call. Give us a call.

[B]

Fucking hell.

[A]

I think you're gonna be all right. You're gonna do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're determined.

[B]

I am determined, like, and when you've.

[A]

Got that, you know what. What tends to happen when you are this determined in other parts of your life?

[B]

I normally get what I want.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

But this isn't the same sort of thing, is it? Because this is someone else's feelings. You know what I mean?

[A]

But that force can make things happen, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I'm very certain, so.

[A]

Well, so you're certain of about.

[B]

I'm certain that I want to travel. I'm certain I want to be successful. And not just success in, like, money, but, like, balance. I want to be healthier because I can smoke like a chimney and it's really not good.

[A]

Maybe running is the trick.

[B]

Maybe. But like, hell, it's fucking shit, mate. Runner's high. I was crying. I got to 4K and I was like, why am I doing this?

[A]

Doing it for the Strava.

[B]

Doing it for Strava. Up the boys.

[A]

Maybe do it for love.

[B]

Yeah. So cringe, isn't it?

[A]

But then maybe you can run together. You want to be run together? Oh, you do? Oh, I see you already do it.

[B]

But he's so much better than me. And then my competitive nature is like, we did a 5k and you sprinted out of it. Oh, mate. I literally finished.

[A]

And I was like, oh, whoa.

[B]

I was going to be sick everywhere because I was, like, trying to keep up. Did it, though.

[A]

That's what I did. I've only done one serious run, but I did the marathon when I was 18.

[B]

That's a pretty serious run.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I did that. I tried to keep up with this. This run. It was way better than me for most of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Absolutely killed me. Kept up with him for 16 miles.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

But like. But he was a proper runner. But then I just completely fell apart.

[B]

Did you finish it, though?

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

What Was your time?

[A]

4 hours, 53 minutes.

[B]

That's not too shabby. I don't think I can do it.

[A]

But I ran the first half in like an hour and a half.

[B]

Oh, oh, okay. So it just went a bit downhill from there.

[A]

Yeah. So like, ran at just like. But I was 18. We'd do funny things when we were 18.

[B]

I would do fucking stupid things when we were 18.

[A]

Did you do stupid things when you were 18?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Massive.

[A]

Don't tell me your age. Well, you can if you want, but actually quite hard to pin an age on.

[B]

How old do you think I am? I can tell you if it's like somewhat accurate or not.

[A]

Christ, it can only go wrong, really, can't it? Oh, no, maybe not.

[B]

I just won't tell you.

[A]

Let's go for 24.

[B]

Okay. That's not far off.

[A]

Okay. It's not like 33 or something.

[B]

Yeah. I'm actually 42 years of age.

[A]

So those runs, if you do.

[B]

I feel like the more you run, the more you just like it ages you. You don't enjoy it. It is some sort of form of self harm. Like no one likes it. You're hurting yourself. Your lungs are gonna fall out. You're not enjoying this.

[A]

I like how you say anti running. I'm so anti runners. There aren't enough anti runners.

[B]

Hate running. That's why I was so against Strava. I used to take the piss out of people that had it and I am now that wanker that has Strava.

[A]

Wanker?

[B]

A Stranker.

[A]

Is that what they call them?

[B]

No, I just made that.

[A]

That's good though.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

What does your room look like?

[B]

What does my room look like?

[A]

Can we do a room tour?

[B]

We can do a room tour. Yeah. All right. Okay. I've got like a big bed, black shelves. I've got like, like a cow print rug. It's like furry. And then I've got like black cushions on the bed.

[A]

Black theme in.

[B]

I do. Yeah. And like green. Like fake plants.

[A]

Fake plants.

[B]

Fake plants.

[A]

Not. What?

[B]

I don't think I could look after a real plant.

[A]

Oh, you could look after a real one, mate.

[B]

I really don't think I could.

[A]

You sure?

[B]

I feel like it would just piss me off. I actually think it would.

[A]

I'm gonna buy you a real plant.

[B]

Please don't.

[A]

I'm plant. No, there's ones that are just very unkillable.

[B]

It's just not one of my pies at the moment.

[A]

How many fake plants do you have?

[B]

Like five.

[A]

Five. Oh wow. Yeah.

[B]

And then I've got like a record player and then like record.

[A]

Is that also fake?

[B]

That is also not real.

[A]

That is.

[B]

No, it is.

[A]

Okay, good. Oh my God.

[B]

Music lover.

[A]

Tell me what? Imagine you're Talking to a 10 year old child who exclusively listens to music on the streaming services who wouldn't really understand the concept of. Of a record player. What would you say to them to try and convince them that they maybe should try it?

[B]

I also don't understand how it works. I don't get it either. But it looks cool and it sounds cool and I think it's also something physical that you can keep and see. Also I love spending money and I love shopping and I love looking at things and searching for things that I think I might like. So I could spend hours in a vinyl shop. Just how like he would. That 10 year old would spend hours on his phone listening to SoundCloud rappers. Do you know what I mean? But he might like Hot Wheels. Yeah, but he can't drive. Same thing. I can't. Fucking vinyl dj. But I like a vinyl.

[A]

That's quite a compelling case that you made.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I like that you just submitted it. It's okay to find something cool. Yeah.

[B]

You don't have to be like obsessed with everything that you want to indulge in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They don't have to be a part of your personality.

[A]

Big into vinyl. Actually does make vinyl shops really fun.

[B]

I love vinyl shots.

[A]

So interesting. It's so fun to flick through them and see what you just feel.

[B]

So cool. Yeah, I'm not cool, but I feel cool when I'm in a vinyl shop and I've like. I pretend that I know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing.

[A]

That's probably what everyone else in the shop is doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We all got to pretend until we know. You probably. If you do enough flicking, you'll know eventually. Have you ever got a record that you just. It was a real punt and then you got back and played it. Oh wow. That's amazing. You know?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You think of what that is.

[B]

I bought a 60s garage rock album and it was literally falling apart. And I was like, this is gonna be a part of shit. And I put it on. I was like, oh, my God. Great.

[A]

That's so cool. What a fun thing to do.

[B]

Yeah, it was great.

[A]

That's really great. Do you and Mr. Island have a song?

[B]

Yeah, we've got loads.

[A]

Is there a kind of one song?

[B]

There's like, three. I want to say.

[A]

Say them. Coming in at number three.

[B]

Drumroll, please. In third place, Stereophonics. I want to get lost with you Absolute banger.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Second one is Rebel Soul by Kawanuka.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, I know that.

[B]

Michael Kiwanuka.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Rebel Soul. And then the one for me is Soul Love by David Bowie. Have you heard that?

[A]

I think I have heard it.

[B]

Banger. Those are the three.

[A]

And you listen together or you feel like that represents your love or what?

[B]

Well, we listened together. So when we got. When we went to where we went on the way home, I literally listened to that David Bowie song the whole time. Just sob, Cried. Because I was like, I'm never gonna see this guy again.

[A]

On the way home, from the first.

[B]

Time we saw each other.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

And I was like, why didn't you.

[A]

Think you would see him again, though?

[B]

Because it was long distance. We also sort of said to each other, like, to avoid the shit that inevitably ended up happening, we would just pick things up after summer. We were trying to be mature about it, and I was like, like, yes, great idea. On the way home. And he told me the whole way home, he was listening to this one, Rebel Soul.

[A]

So he listened to that. He listened to his the whole way home. He listened to yours the whole way. Oh, that's so sweet.

[B]

I know. This is what I mean. It's normal.

[A]

You got to get. You got to get there on Monday.

[B]

Anyway. I feel like this has gone very, like, depressing. I don't know if this is normally how these conversations go.

[A]

These conversations on the bench, they have no rhyme or reason. They just go wherever they go. What matters is it's a truthful moment.

[B]

This is not what I thought would happen on a Saturday, like, at all.

[A]

It's a very strange life, isn't it? I didn't think this would happen either, because I was. I was just straight out. I just thought I would approach you to ask about the different benches.

[B]

I thought you were coming home because you saw me crying and you thought, like, oh, no. Oh, yeah. No. I was so crying when you came over. And then I was like, what does this guy fucking want?

[A]

Not another guy.

[B]

Taking the piss.

[A]

Not another guy.

[B]

Where's the most concentrated area for benches? I was like, bruv, what. Can you not see I'm having a moment here?

[A]

She means she has a. So what don't we know about you now? Anything. Anything you want to say for the end of this, this thing?

[B]

Yeah, let's lift the mood a little bit.

[A]

Anything we don't know.

[B]

I love baking.

[A]

Oh, fantastic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you bake for Ireland Island Guy?

[B]

I have made them a cottage pie. That's not bacon, that's cooking. But I've also. I made brownies.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

But yeah, I've got a brother.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, he's a gym.

[A]

You get on.

[B]

Yeah, Love him. We get along really well, actually.

[A]

Three years younger than you.

[B]

Yeah, he is three years younger than me. How the fuck did you know that? How did you know that?

[A]

It's just a guess. Yes, but sometimes you do a good guess, you know, Sometimes you got. Sometimes you just have a feeling. I sense the younger brother. I felt like you would be an older sister, but there needed to be a little bit of distance. Not too much distance. That's my thing. So that's why. That's. That's. That was my logic.

[B]

You are right.

[A]

I haven't been studying your life.

[B]

I was gonna say it is. Who are you? Is this even real?

[A]

So you love your brother, you love your family, all these.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your father's birthday. You love father. Happy. Good father. Good time father.

[B]

Good time love.

[A]

Have you got him a present?

[B]

I did. I got him like two bits of clothing and then I got him like a book. Facts that sound like.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[B]

Cuz he's like a bit of a nerd. He just loves weird facts.

[A]

Oh, lovely.

[B]

And then we did like balloons and in the kitchen.

[A]

How many balloons?

[B]

Two packs of eight.

[A]

Sorry. So just. I find myself laughing at just the. The mundanity of the question that I've asked, but also just the fact this. It's just really funny. Just that we're having conversation about two. I know. Two packs.

[B]

Who gives a.

[A]

Two packs.

[B]

Who actually cares about the.

[A]

No one's gonna have to listen to this. You know, I say someone quite a few people.

[B]

Do you actually get a lot of like people listening?

[A]

Yeah, quite a decent amount.

[B]

Do you actually. No way. Wow. I wonder if anyone's gonna listen to this and message me and be like, were you on this podcast? I'd be like, don't know what the you talked about, mate.

[A]

Tonight, 16 balloons. That's crazy.

[B]

I was Like, I'd only give him for. I'd only given one pack of eight.

[A]

I find bowing blues up quite difficult.

[B]

Oh, yeah. No, it's so hard sometimes. Small things in life are so hard. Like booking in to get your nails done frequently.

[A]

Yes, you need to.

[B]

So hard.

[A]

Maybe you should get back on that. So there's three big takeaways here. One, get to Ireland, do the business.

[B]

Get it sorted, get it done. Yeah.

[A]

Two, get a. One real plant that you try and at least try and keep alive.

[B]

That's the hardest one.

[A]

And the third thing, get my nails. Oh, yeah, get your nails. Get your nails sorted. Like, it seemed like you enjoyed that.

[B]

I do, I do. It makes me feel like presentable.

[A]

Sometimes I get people. Because obviously people can't. As we've established, they can't see us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So would you be so kind as to describe what you can see in front of us and how that makes you feel?

[B]

Alright. Yeah, I can do. There's a lot of ducks. Like, you can sort of see the road, which I think ruins it a little bit, but it's fine. There's a few other benches that are all empty. The park is prettier over there. I like the willow tree, actually.

[A]

If the park's prettier over there, why did you use it here?

[B]

If I'm actually honest, I'm gonna cry. I was sitting on the bench over there and then there was an old couple sat on this one. And then they got up and left and I just was like, oh, you.

[A]

Wanted to sit in there low? Yeah. Maybe you should have laying across them. Can I just lay across you too?

[B]

Just put my head on the actual bench and sat on the floor, just. And then I got up and waddled away and I was like, oh, for sake. I'm gonna have to sit there now. So I came and sat here and then I feel cold but, like lighter and I feel happy that I'm outside.

[A]

It's good to get outside.

[B]

I needed to get outside. Yeah. It's going insane. Oh, there's actually. Oh, they're playing water polo, I think. Oh, no, they're not.

[A]

Is it some kind of game?

[B]

I think it's canoeing.

[A]

Game of canoeing.

[B]

It's a game of canoe.

[A]

Do you want to go play canoeing?

[B]

Should we go play a bit of canoe?

[A]

Do you ever get in a canoe?

[B]

Oh, yeah. I was on holiday with my brother. We were really young and we were in a canoe or a kayak and this is. This is evil older sister and we were like in the Middle of nowhere. Like, we went really far out and my brother was like, I need a toilet. We need to go back. And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. And I just wouldn't let him go back.

[A]

No.

[B]

He's like, no, I need a shit. I'm gonna shit myself. I was like, going the other way. Such a demon. We sit there and laugh about it now. Like, he was laughing at the time. Like it weren't. Like he was like, no. Like, it was like, painful laugh, but so evil. That boy knows resilience.

[A]

You've taught him well.

[B]

Thank you. And now he doesn't. He refuses to get no connect. Every holiday I'm like, oh, should we go in the canoe? And he was like, no.

[A]

Well, I think we've. I think we've done this.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I've really enjoyed it.

[B]

I have as well, actually. And I can't actually believe I've done it, if I'm honest.

[A]

Yeah, well, I hope. I hope it has major worse.

[B]

No, it hasn't at all. Thank you.

[A]

Well, thank you for being. For being honest and open. We're all going to be wondering now how this is going to play out. That's the magic of life. We're never going to know.

[B]

We're never going to know.

[A]

Never going to know. But you know what? I feel like I know that it's going to be all right.

[B]

I hope so.

[A]

Last question for you.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

What are you going to do next?

[B]

What am I going to do next? Oh, fucking hell.

[A]

Not another run.

[B]

Not a fucking run. No, I'm probably gonna. Well, immediately go home, shower, hope that my boyfriend messages me. Fingers crossed. Hallelujah. If he does. If he doesn't, then we'll guess who's getting an easy jet and Ryanair flight out. Me and is what it is.

[A]

Well, thank you very much.

[B]

Thank you. Hope you have a lovely day.

[C]

I've never felt this way I've never been like this he's an angel to.

[B]

Me.

[C]

I am certain of it.

[A]

Any.

[C]

Move that I make Puts our love on a coin flip to lose it to lose an impossible game I'm certain of it and I fly across the ocean on a Thursday afternoon I could run from all that scares me I could run away with you and I'll treat with us in 50 years sitting on this bench When I saw a window Cold Freezing cold Steep Take away my breath I'll fly across the ocean On a Thursday afternoon I could run from all that scares me I could run away with you.