EPISODE 7: The Disappearing Cyclist

Summary

Strangers on a Bench: EPISODE 7 - The Disappearing Cyclist

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Guest: John (Anonymous)
Release Date: October 28, 2024

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Introduction

In Episode 7 of "Strangers on a Bench," titled "The Disappearing Cyclist," host Tom Rosenthal engages in a profound and intimate conversation with John, a man whose life is a tapestry of adventurous travels, personal struggles, and profound transformations. Over the course of their interaction, listeners are taken on a journey through John's extraordinary experiences, offering deep insights into human resilience, destiny, and the quest for meaningful connections.

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A Life of Adventure and Transformation

John's Routine and Early Changes
The episode opens with John sharing his daily routine, illustrating a life marked by early mornings and a disciplined approach to each day. Despite being retired, John expresses a sense of neutrality towards the days of the week, highlighting the sameness of his current lifestyle.

At [01:17], John reflects, "Every morning it's expectant, isn't it? You don't know what's going to happen that day. Someone could change your life." This sentiment sets the stage for his recounting of a pivotal moment that altered the course of his life.

Encounter with Destiny
John narrates a chance meeting with a couple in a Hackney bar in 2003, which catalyzed his decision to embark on a life of extensive travel and cycling. At [02:08], he recounts the conversation that spurred him:

"Why are you still here?... By now, cycling to India."

Despite initial setbacks, including visa issues in Iran, John persevered, ultimately flying to India and initiating a nomadic existence that spanned 17 years and traversed multiple continents.

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Battling Inner Demons and Reinventing Life

Overcoming Addiction and Personal Struggles
John candidly discusses his battle with addiction and mental illness. At [03:55], he reveals the turning point:

"I looked in the mirror and I had a really serious conversation with myself. I said, your life is shit. Do you want to carry on like this or do you want to change it?"

This introspection led him to cease drug use after 35 years, resulting in significant life changes, including leaving his family and London behind to seek a new path.

The Symbolic Bicycle
A recurring symbol in John's narrative is his bicycle, which represents freedom and identity. He details his emotional attachment to his bike, especially when he had to part with it due to practical constraints related to his health and travel. At [07:34], he poignantly describes saying goodbye:

"I knelt down and I gripped it really tightly and I cried."

This act underscores the deep connections we form with our possessions and how they symbolize larger aspects of our lives.

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Health Crises and Personal Resilience

Cancer Diagnosis and Recovery
John shares his harrowing experience with cancer diagnosis while living in a hostel. At [08:58], he reflects on the shock of being told he had stage four prostate cancer, only to undergo aggressive treatment that successfully reduced his PSA levels to near zero within 18 months. Despite the grim prognosis, John's resilience shines through as he manages to reclaim his life, securing a flat with the help of a compassionate specialist nurse.

Reinventing Himself in England
Upon returning to England, John faces the challenge of reintegrating into society after years of nomadic living. He discusses the difficulty of forming new friendships and feeling disconnected from the local community, highlighting the social and financial gaps that isolate him from his peers.

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Complex Relationships and Family Dynamics

Estrangement from Children
A significant portion of the conversation delves into John's strained relationships with his children. He reveals that he hasn't seen them for 20 years, despite their willingness to visit him anywhere in the world. At [27:05], John expresses his confusion and sadness over the lack of contact:

"I've written letters... But I think because of who I am and meeting people all over the world, my body would take me on a new adventure. And it never has."

Reconnecting with a Grandson
John shares a touching story about discovering he has a grandson, who is autistic. Their meeting is tentative yet meaningful, showcasing John's desire for familial connections despite past estrangements.

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Reflections on Destiny and Purpose

Belief in Destiny
Throughout the episode, John conveys a strong belief in destiny shaping his life's path. He recounts the serendipitous events that led him to his transformative journey and emphasizes how unforeseen encounters can profoundly impact one's life.

At [35:27], John's reflections culminate in a philosophical outlook:

"I’ve got nothing but a heart and a bicycle. But I’ve still got my greatest adventure ahead to make and keep a friend."

The Quest for Meaningful Connections
John concludes with a poignant aspiration to form lasting friendships, indicating that despite his transient lifestyle, the desire for stable, meaningful relationships remains a central theme in his life.

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Conclusion

Episode 7 of "Strangers on a Bench" offers an intimate glimpse into the life of a man defined by his relentless pursuit of adventure, his struggles with personal demons, and his enduring hope for connection. Through John's storytelling, listeners are reminded of the unpredictable nature of destiny and the human capacity to continuously reinvent oneself in the face of adversity. The episode resonates as a testament to resilience, the search for meaning, and the profound impact of fleeting moments and encounters.

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Notable Quotes

• John at [01:17]:

  "Every morning it's expectant, isn't it? You don't know what's going to happen that day. Someone could change your life."

• John at [03:55]:

  "I looked in the mirror and I had a really serious conversation with myself. I said, your life is shit. Do you want to carry on like this or do you want to change it?"

• John at [07:34]:

  "I knelt down and I gripped it really tightly and I cried."

• John at [27:05]:

  "I've written letters... But I think because of who I am and meeting people all over the world, my body would take me on a new adventure. And it never has."

• John at [35:27]:

  "I’ve got nothing but a heart and a bicycle. But I’ve still got my greatest adventure ahead to make and keep a friend."

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This episode is a compelling exploration of one man's journey through life's unpredictable twists and turns, highlighting the essence of what it means to seek purpose and connection in an ever-changing world.

Transcript

[Tom]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? First question for you. You ready?

[John]

Yeah. Go on then.

[Tom]

What's your favorite day of the week?

[John]

I'm retired. I don't really have a favourite day of the week.

[Tom]

You're still allowed to have one? Yeah, just in feeling, just an emotion.

[John]

I don't really like Sundays because everybody's out. I like it best when everyone's at work and I can move around and everything's open. But I can't honestly say I have a favourite day. I never really thought about it because every day is roughly the same for me.

[Tom]

So what is if every day is roughly the same, what do your days look like now?

[John]

This morning I got up at 4. I usually get up between 4 and 5.

[Tom]

That's pretty early.

[John]

Yeah, but I go to bed early and of course it's the longest day, isn't it? And the shortest night. So I went to bed at 10 o'clock as it got dark and I Woke up at 4 o'clock as it got light. But I get very excited about the dawn. I mean, if you imagine everything that happened in your life when you woke up that morning, you never knew it was going to happen. So every morning it's expectant, isn't it? You don't know what's going to happen that day. Someone could change your life. One day I met a couple and they changed my whole life.

[Tom]

God, we got to ask, we got to find out about this. Who are the couple? How did they change your life?

[John]

I met them in a bar in Hackney. A series of events, if youf Don't Believe in Destiny, led me to their table and I was reading a book and I was chuckling away and this woman said, what you reading? And I said, what I was reading. We had a brief discussion about books and then sometimes you share half a life story. And I said, I've been to India 10 years ago and fell in love with it. I'd given up smoking, so I bought a bicycle to try and keep fit. And I was a born again cyclist. My parents were dead, my children were grown up. I wasn't married anymore. I had a shit job and I lived in a shit place. And the guy said to me, why are you still here? I said, what do you mean? And the guy said, why aren't the other side of Paris. By now, cycling to India, and I thought, it's the most absurd thing I've ever heard in all my life. And nine months later, I set out to cycle to India.

[Tom]

Wow.

[John]

I got as far as Ankar in Turkey and then Iran wouldn't give me a visa, so I put my bike on a plane and I flew to India.

[Tom]

Oh, amazing.

[John]

And that was the beginning. And I led a nomadic existence for 17 years.

[Tom]

In India?

[John]

No, no, all over.

[Tom]

Oh, sorry.

[John]

Nine Asian countries, seven South American countries, Mexico and seven European countries. So that couple changed my whole Life.

[Tom]

What year?

[John]

2003. And in the February of that year, I stopped taking drugs for the first time in 35 years of taking E coke and smoking weed.

[Tom]

What made you stop, out of interest?

[John]

Well, I looked in the mirror and I had a really serious conversation with myself. I said, your life is shit. Do you want to carry on like this or do you want to change it? And I said, I want to change it. And I said to myself, you know, it just doesn't need tinkering with here and there. It's got to be demolished and rebuilt. And that's what I did. And when I left London, I told my children, I said, I'm not coming back.

[Tom]

What do they say about that?

[John]

Well, they said, that's okay, dad. You know, we'll come and see you wherever you are in the world. And that was it. That was the beginning. And you started again.

[Tom]

You were actually, look, genuinely chatting to yourself in the mirror.

[John]

Yeah, genuinely.

[Sarah]

I mean, serious.

[John]

Not. Not just fucking about, but serious.

[Tom]

Is there a moment before the mirror that pointed you towards the mirror? Do you see what I mean?

[John]

Yeah. It's just too many drugs.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[John]

I had. I suffer a mental illness and it was just making me worse.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[John]

I left my wife in 2002. I've been married for 10 years. And it cracked me up completely. I nearly had a breakdown.

[Tom]

You mean leaving her cracked her up?

[John]

Yeah, Yeah. I loved her more the day I left her than the day I married her. But, you know, sometimes marriages change.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[John]

But it broke my heart. And that's why all the drugs. And that's why I went to the mirror and said, you know, you can't go on like this. You need to demolish it. And I did. And everything I owned in the world was on my bicycle.

[Tom]

Tell me more about the bicycle, because it's come up quite a few times now in the brief time we've spoken.

[John]

Well, what happened was I sold my car for 50 pound. I bought a bicycle for 100 pound.

[Tom]

It's a funny swap.

[John]

Yeah. And it was crap. It was absolute crap. The bicycle, the bicycle. You couldn't go out of London on that any further. But I was reading a book in a bar in Hackney and it was called Long Distance Cycling. And this guy at the end of the table, he said, how far are you going? I said, I don't know, maybe India. And he said, you want to talk to Peter in the market? And I went to his. It was like shuttered down with just a swing door on it. And I looked in. It was a cross between a jumble cell and a junk shop. And there he was. He had a big ginger beard, bright ginger hair. He had a hand knitted jumper that had holes in it, cycling shorts and walking boots. I thought, you look weird. And it turned out he was lovely. I told him what I was doing and he said, I'll help you. And every night after work I'd go and he would talk. We would talk about bicycles and traveling. And he took me to a jumble sale in Surrey, a bike jumble sale. And I saw a Chaz Roberts. They were handmade bikes. You know, you sit on a wooden bench and they build this bike for you for 140 pound. And the guy was roughly the same height as me. And I got my friend Peter, I said, this is Chas Roberts. And I bought it. But it was a mountain bike. And Peter dismantled it completely and he built it from scratch and he was brilliant. I had that bike for 14 years. I never had a buckle wheel. It was virtually the same bike. Yeah, I'd gone through six tires and five saddles and three chain sets, but it was an amazing bike. It was my soul. It had a soul, you know, it was part of me.

[Tom]

What was it like to part with it?

[John]

It broke my heart. I cried.

[Tom]

Yeah?

[John]

Yeah.

[Tom]

How did you say goodbye to it?

[John]

I knelt down and I gripped it really tightly and I cried. And I'm a bit emotional now. And I said, I gotta let you go. My bike took six international flights from me, but I was heading to England to get a new passport and a new ATM card. And then I was flying to South America and I couldn't take my bike with me. It wasn't feasible and it's very difficult traveling with a bicycle. So I sold it for $100 and I put a sign on it. I don't care about the money, I want it to go to a good home. And this guy put his arm round me, said, I really look after it. And that was lovely. But when you travel, you have to learn to leave people, things and places behind. I got diagnosed with cancer when I came back to England. What it was, I was living in a hostel. I'd always lived in hostels, in dormitories, and so I thought, well, I might as well go to the doctor. So I haven't seen the doctor in about 15 years. And he sent me for tests and I had to see the specialist nurse and she said, you've got cancer. She said, you've got stage four cancer, which means it's gone to the lymph nodes and the bone.

[Tom]

How'd that feel when she told you that?

[John]

I don't know. I really don't know because you can't really take it on board at the time.

[Tom]

I see. Yeah.

[John]

It's after it hits you. And she said, we measure prostate cancer on a PSA grade. And she said, it used to be anything over six and you had cancer, but we've lowered that to four. She said, Yours is 471. My GP said, I've never seen anyone that high. But I had very aggressive treatment and within 18 months, my PSA had gone down to 0.01, so there's no cancer in my body now. But I got suicidal again because they said, you can't go traveling anymore and you have to stay in London. And I'm living in a hostel with six other people in my room, I mean, I had a catheter. I used to hang my catheter on the side of the bed, the drainage bag. And I said, I'm really sorry, but, you know, this. I've got to do this. And so it's embarrassing. Couldn't see the future of having anywhere to live in London. I was devastated. And then another specialist nurse who's like my daughter now, I gave her power of attorney because I couldn't cope mentally with this. And she got onto the council and she berated them and they gave me a flat.

[Tom]

What a wonderful person to do that for you.

[John]

Yeah, I know. She was amazing. I love her to bits and we're still great friends. I make her a quiche. I'm quite reasonable, and we take it in for lunch and I bring her little presents now and again. Cause I love her and she loves me, I think.

[Tom]

Oh, that's wonderful.

[John]

So I've been in this flat for three years now, and I have a great life. But coming back from traveling, all I had was my backpack that was stuffed with clothes that I've washed and worn a thousand times. And I had to reinvent myself. It was a bit like the look in the mirror that I had to demolish that old life and build a new one. But I'd done it once, so I could possibly do it again. Yeah. And here I am today.

[Tom]

Amazing. I've got so many questions for you. I mean, it's just. I do the one that's nearest to me first. I'm fascinated by this idea of demolishing your life, just ripping it up. That's actually. That's quite rare. And you've had to. You. Well, you've done it twice. But, like, you know, how did you do it?

[John]

You had to be difficult.

[Tom]

If you think, if so many people don't do it, what would you say to people who.

[John]

Yeah, it was like. It was like stopping the drugs was really difficult after 35 years. But I was very determined. I was really serious about changing my life.

[Tom]

Has that determination always been there?

[John]

No. No, no.

[Tom]

And where did you get it from then?

[John]

I had no idea. I remember I crossed the Alps and I was in a dormitory, in a hostel, youth hostel. And I was writing a journal and I was writing about this person that had done this, and I had no idea who he was. I really had no idea because it wasn't me. And this guy was my hero because he'd done all this. And I've never felt it's me. I've never felt that I've done all these things because I was the couch potato who hadn't been on a bicycle since I was a teenager, so I couldn't do that. It must have been someone else. There was like another me. And this is why I can't tell you how I did anything, because I didn't do it.

[Tom]

So it was like you were kind of possessed by another force, by this.

[John]

Amazing person that I really worshipped because he done so many things that I could never do.

[Tom]

But, yeah, that is you, of course.

[John]

Yeah. I know.

[Tom]

I realize it's still you.

[John]

It's very difficult to take on board because imagine you wake up in the morning and you say to yourself, if I could go anywhere in the world, where would I go? That was my life. I used to wake up in the morning and say, it's time to go. And I used my stomach like a barcode reader. I'll give you an example. I was in Kathmandu for the second time and my visa was expiring, so I knew I had to leave. So I run through my options. Never make plans, collect options. So I run through my options, and the first one was Japan. That's always been the top of my list, but I've never gone there. So I said Japan. It went, nah, not really. I said, the Philippines. No, not really. Malaysia, Borneo, seeing orangutans. Then I thought of Pakistan. I'd always wanted to visit Pakistan. I could go back to India. I love India and all these things. I got a blanket and then I said, Spain, because my daughter in law kept nagging me because I was old and she wanted me nearer and safer. And I said, spain. And my body said, ooh. So I went to Spain and I didn't really want to go because it was winter. I landed in Madrid and it's minus one. I looked out the window of the train and I thought, where am I? You're in Spain. Why am I here? And that happened a lot, it sounds.

[Tom]

Like to me, that kind of. There's a bit of a wrestling between body and mind here. Yeah, I listen to your body, your body decides stuff and then at some point your mind chimes in, ask a question, yeah. And says, what are we doing here? And then the body says, well, I'll tell you. Well, we chose this yesterday.

[John]

It doesn't answer. I mean, originally, when I set out, I crossed the Channel from Portsmouth to La Havre and I'm stood on the back with my feet on the pedal and I suddenly realised what I was going to do. I said, are you sure? And my legs started pedaling and I never got an answer to that. And I never had an answer to all the questions I asked. I just did it because my body said, do this. And I've learned to listen to my body and it's kept me safe in 25 countries for 17 years. People say to me, you should write a book. And I say, no, because if I write a book, it's just words on the page and it's boring. I'm a storyteller. I'm a campfire storyteller. And when I tell a story, I bring it to life.

[Tom]

I agree.

[John]

And I'm an old man that talks to people and then disappears. And that's been my M.O. through all my travels. I had conversations like this with people.

[Tom]

You're good at disappearing.

[John]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

Come on, master, for a second. I don't want to.

[Tom]

What kind of dad are you?

[John]

Not the best.

[Tom]

Why don't you think you're the best?

[John]

Because I'm not really suited to it.

[Tom]

What do you mean by that?

[John]

I always felt like a square peg in a round hole. Whatever I did, I did my best, but I know people who did it better. And when I started cycling across France, I thought I finally found a peg that fits my hole perfectly. And it was because I designed it and constructed it. And ever since then I've always known I was a traveler.

[Tom]

Interesting. If you can go back and look over your life, would you have started traveling younger?

[John]

No, I couldn't because I was a husband and a parent. My two sons, I got twins, were 24 and my daughter was 19. When I was there, they were grown up. My parents were dead and my wife was long gone. So everything lent towards me, changing my life. Yes, I believe in destiny. I'll give you an example. This is how it all began. After I started to change my life, I just opened a new book, sat in my little room, cup of coffee Saturday morning, and I thought, my buddy says I want a pint of beer. So I thought, okay, I'll go to the local wine bar, I can read me book in there, it's not a problem. So I walked to the local wine bar and it was only open Saturday nights. So I came back home, cupped my coffee, started me book again. My buddy said, I want a beer. I got on my old bicycle and I cycled to this pub in Hackney that had a bench out the front like this. So I thought, well, I'll just sit out the front and I'll read my book. And I went to the bar and there was only one person working. And while I was waiting, I kept seeing this woman out the corner of my eye looking at me. And I thought, you're an attractive young woman, what are you looking at this old git for? And I couldn't understand that. I was just curious. I mean, it didn't, didn't prompt me to take it any further. And anyway, she got her tray with all the glasses on, she went out to the back garden. So out of curiosity, I took my pint into the back garden and there was a nice little round table just for two. I thought, this will do me. Got me pint and I'm reading me book and I'm happy as Larry. And then I didn't notice that the garden had filled up. And suddenly two women with push chairs, with young children in stood next to me looking for somewhere to sit. And there was nowhere. So I looked at them and I said, well, why don't you take this table? I'm on my own, I can hold squeezing somewhere. And a couple on the next table heard this and they said, you can squeeze onto our table. And that was the couple that told me to Go to Paris on a bicycle.

[Tom]

Oh, wow.

[John]

Yeah. So they had a story.

[Tom]

Would you recognize them if they walked past us now?

[John]

Of course not. I wouldn't recognize them the next day.

[Tom]

But it's beautiful. The thought that they would have no idea that they completely.

[John]

I would love them to know that they changed my life.

[Tom]

But they did.

[John]

Yeah, I know, but they don't.

[Tom]

It's amazing what you can do. A lot of people think they have no influence. They haven't changed anything or done anything. You know, that's such a good example about how you can just have a little moment, completely change someone's life. No one knows about it. You never see them again, but yet they did it.

[John]

And this is a beauty of waking up one dawn. You don't know what's going to happen. I met these two people and my body took me there.

[Tom]

Yeah. Have you ever said yes to something and you thought, oh, God, this is. That was a terrible decision.

[John]

I don't regret anything I've ever done because I wouldn't have done it if I was going to regret it. And that's as close as I can give you an answer to that, because I've done a few things.

[Tom]

Oh, God, give us one.

[John]

I was in Thailand and I met an English guy in a bar. And he said, look, I'm a bit nervous about going in some bars because of all the women there. There's about 10 women in each bar in Pattaya. We were.

[Tom]

So what's their role in this? In the women in these bars, what's their role?

[John]

They're bar girls. They're prostitutes.

[Tom]

Right.

[John]

And they're poor girls. They come from the villages and they come to earn money to support their family and they send it back. And their brothers and sisters can go to school and they take care of their parents. That's what it's about, really. This guy said to me, I'll buy you drinks if you come to all these places with me. So we're walking down this soy, and it's just like bars, both sides. And I walked past this bar and I saw the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in all my life. She was stunning and sexy, of course. She had long black hair, beautiful face. She had rather large breasts that were chipping out of a bustier that she wore. She had a little leather skirt, fishnet stockings, and black leather boots. And I couldn't look away. It ticked every box of my fantasy. So we went in that bar for a drink and I got talking to her and she said, it's my birthday tomorrow. Her name was Jenny. We're having a party in the bar, why don't you come? So I mean this guy went and he sat down with Jenny and I went to the bar to get some drinks and I thought, there's ladyboys in here. And mum grabbed me at the bar and we started dancing and I went back to Jenny, I said, I've just danced with the lady boy, you know, it was really weird. And my friend said, jenny's the lady boy. I said, fuck off. And she said, yes, I am. And every time I went past I would stop and have a chat. I'd buy her a drink, she'd buy me a drink and she said, I want to have sex with you. And I said, I can't afford the most beautiful woman in Batgirl. I don't have any money. She said, for you it's free. So she took me back to her place and I had sex with a lady boy. And my last holding vision that I ever see was her in hold up fishnet stockings with a semi erect penis walking across the room to the bathroom. So yeah, I said yes.

[Tom]

Amazing.

[John]

And I'm not ashamed of it and I don't regret it.

[Tom]

There's no reason to be. Obviously you've got, you know, incredible memories and adventures and like, you know. But what, what are you looking forward to in your life now? I mean, what, what, what do you want to, what do you want to do with whatever's left?

[John]

I don't know.

[Tom]

What do you want?

[John]

I don't know. I was hoping my body would come up with a new adventure and it hasn't. And I never really understood that. In February this year I was unconscious on the floor for two days and my daughter in law, I talked to her every day and she couldn't get me for two days. So my daughter in law was frantic, she thinks I'm dead. So she got onto the ambulance service.

[Tom]

And you're just, at this point, you're.

[John]

Just on the floor unconscious for two days?

[Tom]

Completely unconscious.

[John]

Completely. And I came to in the intensive care unit four days later. Kidney infections are really. I was really, really ill. I nearly died.

[Tom]

So you very nearly died a few months ago, basically. And now we're sat at the top of a hill.

[John]

Yeah.

[Tom]

So you turned it around.

[John]

Well, what happened after? I was very depressed. My cancer took all my energy away and I couldn't breathe properly and I was a fit young man when I was, when I was leading my life around the world and suddenly I watched myself become an Old man in two years instead of growing old gracefully. And it was a real shock and I believed it. I was an old man. When I came home after the infection, I really had to work hard. I was in hospital for two weeks. I had to learn how to stand up again. It took me 10 days before I could walk and I couldn't cycle because I had no balance. And I worked really hard and I got back to roughly where I was and I bought this electric bicycle because I miss cycling so much. And this is great, I love it. I'm a born again cyclist again. But I realized that after I worked so hard that I wasn't an old man. So I was a born again young man. But in the three years since I've been back in England, I've nearly died twice. But my body, my amazing body has recovered.

[Tom]

Oh, wonderful. And what are you going to do with it?

[John]

Well, I've been back three years, I still don't have a friend. I find that really weird. I don't have one.

[Tom]

But like, why?

[John]

I don't know. I keep asking that question.

[Tom]

There must be a reason.

[John]

Well, I don't know. I have many guesses. One reason is because of my lifestyle. People my age, they've retired and they live with their grandchildren. I have nothing in common with them apart from my age. And I joined University of the Third Age, which is like a big community for old people, it's all over the world. And I started playing patong with them. I've been playing patong now for nearly two years. We're the same people.

[Tom]

They're not your friends?

[John]

No, I've never had an invitation that's gone further than that. I also joined a Scrabble club and they're all rich old ladies. They all live in Islington in big houses. I come from a council estate and it sometimes appears in my voice. So we're socially different, we're financially different and our lifestyle is different. And I call them fops to my daughter in law and my specialist nurse. It's called fucking old people. I hate fucking old people. I'm 72 and I hate fucking old people.

[Tom]

I can see why. Because you've got so much energy and you've got so much youth to your general character. Yeah, that's so interesting to me. I mean, what about your. I mean, do you have any grandchildren?

[John]

I haven't seen my children for 20 years.

[Tom]

Okay.

[John]

Yeah, I mean, I don't mind talking about that. They said they come and see me anywhere in the world and they never did in between my marriages, I had my children every weekend for seven years. Loved them. Loved them to bits.

[Tom]

You've got three children who haven't seen them for 20 years.

[John]

Yeah.

[Tom]

All three?

[John]

All three.

[Tom]

Have you heard anything about them since then?

[John]

No. And I've written letters. When I came back to London and was diagnosed with cancer, and I got no response, and I went through possibly the most difficult year of my life alone, and that really upset me. But I thought because of who I am and meeting people all over the world, my body would take me on a new adventure. And it never has. You know, I'm still sat at home, I still look out the window on my own, and I just developed this life, like today, just coming over here and reading my book on the park bench.

[Tom]

So you might have grandchildren you don't know of, potentially?

[John]

I do have a grandson.

[Tom]

Oh, okay.

[John]

Yeah.

[Tom]

I thought we know. Okay.

[John]

Yeah, sorry, I forgot that. But it came about as a story again. When I was in South America, I'm on Facebook, and I got this message and I wrote back. I said, who are you? You know? She said, I'm the mother of your grandson, who's 16.

[Tom]

And that was the first I heard about having your grandchild.

[John]

My son got her pregnant and left her, but we've been best friends ever since. She was the one that saved my life.

[Tom]

I see.

[John]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Have you met your grandson?

[John]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Okay. So you know your grandson?

[John]

Yeah, she. She.

[Tom]

And what was that like?

[John]

It was weird because he's autistic, so he doesn't like change and he's a bit reserved. I made him a quiche and they loved it and it was lovely. But I went to knuckle him to say goodbye because, I don't know, you know, and he gave me a hug, which was lovely, but it was. It was a tentative hug, sure, but.

[Tom]

That'S still a wonderful thing.

[John]

And I don't understand why I'm not invited up there. But I won't go up there in case he doesn't like it, in case he feels threatened. So I get to see him normally every November when she brings him to London.

[Tom]

So, yeah, maybe you can, but we.

[John]

Talk a lot on emails. Yeah. He's a Spurs supporter and I was an Arsenal supporter.

[Tom]

This is a bit of a big question. Do you think you've done enough, or is there anything more you can do, to have relationships with your children?

[John]

I've done everything. I can't force them. I brought my children up to make their own decisions in life, so when they make their own decisions I have to respect that.

[Tom]

Yeah. Do you ever think, you know, if you just turned up on their doorstep, it would be different?

[John]

I did.

[Tom]

Oh, you did?

[John]

Yeah.

[Tom]

So what was that like?

[John]

When I was come back to England from Nepal on my way to South America, I went and knocked on the door and my wife didn't invite me in, but she came out and talked to me and asked how their children were and things like that. And I said I was off to South America. And then she said, don't contact me anymore. And we shook hands and that was it. But, you know, life's about adapting. Buddha said something. He said, try to be happy with what you have. If you want more, you will always want more and never be satisfied. And I have enough and I have to be happy with having enough. Adios, mom. Adios.

[Tom]

We can talk for hours, but I'm gonna ask you one last question.

[John]

Go on then.

[Tom]

The question is, what are you going to do next?

[John]

I've thought about that. And as I say, I thought my fairy godmother. I've always thought I had a fairy godmother that guided me because I've never been threatened. I mean, I was a bad person when I was young. I was a bad man, a nasty man. I grew up without parent intervention. I was the best fighter in school. I was a nasty piece of work. And that's in my toolbox. It's at the bottom of my toolbox. I don't bring it out, but it's there if I want it. And because from the age of six, I was more or less on my own, you get very aware of what's going around you. At 6. You can't deal with danger, but you have to learn to see it coming. And that's what helped me in my 17 years. I always thought my fairy godmother or my body would have something lined up. My next adventure.

[Tom]

Yeah. But you're not quite sure. What are you going to do next today? Let's maybe answer that. That's today. Let's do short term.

[John]

I'm going to go home. I peeled some potatoes this morning. I've got some brazing steak in the freezer. So I'm going to have braising steak, mash and peas for my lunch. And then I. I've been enjoying this Women's Cricket on YouTube. I like it because men have tantrums, but the women just smile and, you know, it's just easy going. So that's very relaxing. I like that.

[Tom]

I want to ask you actually one more question. Go on. Only Because I'm interested in it. You said you were totally alone at the age of six years old.

[John]

I have a chest of three. Well, my parents both have mental health issues. Undiagnosed. My father was never there. He only came home to sleep and he didn't really care about us. He got 3 pound 50 off the social, but he told my mother he only got £1 50, so he gave her the pound and kept 50 pence for himself. And we were starving. My mother was admitted to hospital for malnutrition. So she went to full time work when I was 5 years old and she told my sister to look after me, who's three years older than me. And my sister hates me and always has, but I got hit by a taxi when I was 6. I ran out in front of a taxi and she got the crap beaten out of her because she wasn't looking after me. I broke my arm when I was seven. She got the crap beaten out. So, I mean, it's an understandable wife. But she has mental health issues as well. We all have. My nan had my dad, but she wouldn't marry the bloke that got her pregnant. And this is in the 1920s, so we're all a bit weird. I'm weird. I know that I'm very different. I mean, because I had to buy all my own clothes. I bought nice clothes. I have six fedoras and I always wear a fedora. I have really nice jackets. I have one that's pastel pink and I wear it in my white trousers. And everybody thinks I'm overdressed, but all my clothes are new and I like to look nice because I look like a bag of shit living out of a rucksack. I look different and I do things differently. And we play patong and everybody's got these silver balls and they never know whose is. So I sprayed mine yellow and I'm the only one with who.

[Tom]

With yellow balls.

[John]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom]

Fantastic. Look, thank you so much for your time.

[John]

It's okay. What's your name?

[Tom]

Tom.

[John]

Pleasure to meet you and I'm glad you came by.

[Tom]

And last week. I'm glad we shared this.

[John]

Yeah. Some meetings are destiny.

[Tom]

Yeah. I mean, it's a fascinating life you've led.

[John]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Whatever you've done, good or bad.

[John]

A lot of people who I had the conversation with said, you've inspired me.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[John]

And I used to tell people that traveling is not about seeing places. I said, the journey is in here. It's how you grow as a human being because you're faced with problems that you never faced before.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[John]

And you have to deal with them on your own. You haven't got friends to talk to. You haven't got parents to advise. And you have to believe in yourself to travel. And these skills you're learning now you will have for the rest of your life.

[Sarah]

There are only two things that I believe in. One is destiny. The other is stories that I carry on my back that I depend on that allow me to disappear as soon as I get tune in to someone. When you're living on the road you learn to leave things. It wasn't hard for me. That part came a little too naturally eventually. My troubles lying holding on to the few things that I had what I do to have them back. 17 years without a home. My parents dead my children grown Nothing but a heart and a bicycle. But I've still got my greatest adventure ahead to make and keep a friend. When you have to burn the bridges that precede you. You wrestle with the wind your body is a buckled reader it's better not to think about it. Not the the future, all the past. But none of it will ever last 17 years without a home. Now all I want is to grow old somewhere that I can call my own. But I don't think my calling is over yet I've still got my greatest adventure ahead. One more thing I left to do Left and make and keep a friend.