Podcast Summary: Strangers on a Bench – Episode 78: "We Forget How to Play"

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Guest: Anonymous (Nursery worker and mother)
Date: March 9, 2026
Duration: ~38 minutes

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and candid episode, Tom Rosenthal sits down with a woman on a park bench in Southeast London, exploring the complexities and joys of parenting, childhood, working with young children, and the art of holding onto playfulness in adult life. The conversation delves into family dynamics, personal challenges, changing social landscapes, and the small, meaningful rituals that define us. The guest, a longtime nursery worker and mother of three, reflects on the changing landscape of childcare, motherhood, and her own journey—offering warmth, wisdom, and many relatable moments.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Joy and Complexity of Family Life

• Favorite Day—Saturdays at Home
  • [00:49] Guest reveals her favorite day is Saturday, typically spent with her children, music, and games.
  • "[Saturdays are when] most of my children at home, we usually have a Saturday night together... we play music, we do games." ([00:56])
• Navigating Family Dynamics
  • Manages the presence of children's partners, particularly with an older son who has autism, to keep everyone comfortable ([01:28]).
  • Parenting children with a wide age range: a grown son, two teenagers—a houseful of boys ([01:48]).

2. Raising a Child with Autism: Challenges and Pride

• Early Struggles and Changes in Support
  • Describes primary school as "horrific" for her autistic son due to lack of resources and understanding ([02:01]-[02:52]).
  • Wishes better support had existed: "There were times when I really wished he hadn't been born in the year that he was..." ([02:52])
• Pride in Overcoming Barriers
  • Her son made it through university, a proud milestone ([02:35]).

3. Reflections on Motherhood and Life Choices

• Why Have Children?
  • Honest admission: "Don't know. I think he wasn't planned. It probably just... happened and it just seemed like the right time." ([04:25])
  • Didn't always want kids despite career with children, felt unsure if she’d be good at motherhood ([04:01]-[04:09]).

4. Decades in Nursery Work: Changes and Lessons Learned

• Longevity in the Field
  • Has worked with children since age 18—her only job ([04:46]).
• Fundamental Shifts in Childcare
  • Shift from rigid expectations to seeing children as full people with complex emotions ([04:55]).
  • Advocates for acknowledging children's feelings and supporting autonomy:
    • "You have to remember they're little people, they're the same as us with all the same emotions. And when I'm at work now, I try and sort of say to staff... there's a reason behind why every child... is behaving like that." ([04:55])
• Paperwork Encroaches on Play
  • Misses time for play due to increase in bureaucratic requirements ([07:05]).
  • "[Reporting] takes away from the playing and being with them..." ([07:05])

5. Why Play Matters—For Children and Adults

• Freedom and Learning through Play
  • "It's how they find their freedom and they learn." ([07:53])
• Forgetting How to Play as Adults
  • "I think growing up, we forget how to play as well." ([07:58])
  • Keeps playfulness alive: dances in Tesco’s aisles, rides supermarket trolleys ([08:12]-[08:31]).

6. Formative Childhood Experiences

• Only Child’s Perspective

  • Quiet, shy, imagined having siblings—even pretended her dolls were siblings ([09:00]-[09:21]).
  • Family structure influenced her own choice to have multiple children:
    • "Perhaps I didn't want him to be an only child." ([09:27])

• Growing Up with Divorced Parents

  • Father largely absent; relationship remained distant despite attempts to reconnect ([10:00]-[11:04]).

7. Openness, Independence, and Values as a Parent

• Learning from Her Mother
  • Strived for more openness and warmth with own children:
    • "Be really, really open with them...for them to know that they can always talk to me and that nothing is off limits." ([13:41])
• Teenage Years: Secrets and Independence
  • Didn’t confide in her mother about wild teenage years—sought advice from friends ([14:09]-[14:38]).

8. Friendship and Support

• Work Friendship
  • Longtime friend and boss at nursery, weathering work tensions and personal support ([14:41]-[15:06]):
    • "We've been lucky like that." ([15:06])

9. Personal Joys, Rituals, and Small Pleasures

• Books as Constant Companions
  • Always carries a book—even to concerts, supermarket, or when out on errands ([20:26]-[20:43]).
  • Childhood library visits are deeply nostalgic:
    • "I can remember being taken to the library as a child...walking, click, click, click." ([20:53]-[21:13])
• Proud Bookworm and Reading to Children
  • Read aloud to baby to combine reading time with parenting ([22:02]).
  • Admits to reading at a Cliff Richard concert—a moment of comic honesty ([22:34]-[22:44]).

10. Parenting Today & Navigating Teen Technology

• Teenagers and Technology
  • Acknowledges the isolating potential of phones and social media—but uses tracking apps for safety ([24:27]-[24:44]).
  • "You can all sort of be in the same house... but everyone's their own show that they're watching." ([25:26])
• Motherhood Now vs. Then
  • Remembers roaming freely as a teen—contrast to constant connectivity of today ([26:29]-[26:53]).

11. Coping, Freedom, and Looking to the Future

• Dreams of Solo Travel and Future Freedom
  • "I've never been on holiday by myself, so maybe... traveling. Yeah. Being somewhere sitting, looking at pretty, shiny silvery water." ([16:17])
• Concerns about Aging and Visibility
  • Wonders if she’ll become more "invisible" as she ages, drawing on her mum’s experience of shrinking social circles ([30:37]-[31:19]).
  • Sees the importance of maintaining interests and connections outside of work ([31:19]).

12. Light Moments and Memorable Anecdotes

• Goat Eats Her Skirt Story

  • "[My] skirt was eaten by a goat... at London Zoo when I was little." ([33:29])
  • Memorable and endearing; a snapshot of childhood vulnerability and humor.

• On Being Approached for the Podcast

  • Laughs about the randomness and slight daredevil feeling of saying yes to a stranger ([27:20]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "There's always a reason behind why every child...is behaving like that." – Guest, [04:55]
• "I think growing up, we forget how to play as well." – Guest, [07:58]
• "I used to sit and read out loud [to my son]...Then I didn't feel bad that I wasn't taking any notice of him." – Guest, [22:02]
• "Maybe more clubbing. I do. I keep looking at the ones that start early and finish at 10." – Guest, [35:02]
• "Perhaps I didn't want him to be an only child." – Guest, [09:27]
• "She really was the best, but I don't know that she was sort of the warmest. Okay, now she is. And sort of with grandchildren..." – Guest, [12:56]
• "You can all sort of be in the same house...everyone's their own show...it is an extension of being private." – Guest, [25:26]
• "There's always tomorrow, isn't there?" – Guest, [34:33] (in response to housework plans)

Important Timestamps

• [00:49] – Discussion of favorite days and family routines
• [02:01] – Parenting a son with autism
• [04:55] – How approaches to childcare have changed
• [07:05] – Increased bureaucracy in early years education
• [07:58] – How adults forget how to play
• [14:41] – On making friendships at work
• [20:26] – Carrying a book everywhere
• [22:34] – Reading a book at a Cliff Richard concert
• [24:27] – Reflecting on teenagers, technology, and isolation
• [30:37] – Fears about aging and becoming "invisible"
• [33:29] – Goat eats her skirt at London Zoo
• [35:02] – On rediscovering clubbing as an adult

Tone and Atmosphere

The tone is candid, nostalgic, and deeply human—sometimes bittersweet, often warm, blending humor with honesty. The guest is reflective but lighthearted, quick to laugh, and relatable in her admissions of imperfection, hopes, and modest dreams.

Final Thoughts and Poetic Closer

The episode closes with reflections on the value of ordinary lives and a poetic narrator summarizing the ethos of the show:
"Remember life’s a game to play...if the road gets tough, remember me dancing in the aisle, amongst the groceries, and the little things that make you smile..." ([35:52]-[37:43])

In Summary

"We Forget How to Play" is a warm, layered conversation about parenting, resilience, change, and the importance of not taking life—or oneself—too seriously. Listeners are reminded of the joys in mundane rituals, the possibility for openness and growth with age, and the enduring value of playfulness at every stage of life.

This summary is designed for those who wish to experience the emotional honesty and gentle wisdom of Episode 78 without listening to the full interview.