EPISODE 80: Pépito

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Strangers on a Bench – Episode 80: Pépito

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: March 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this moving and openhearted episode, Tom Rosenthal sits down with a French woman (anonymous, per the show’s format) on a park bench somewhere in the UK. What begins as light banter about favorite days of the week and breakfast rituals unfolds into a candid, intimate account of surviving an abusive relationship, the slow journey of healing, and the subtle joys of nostalgia and connection. Peppered with humor, food, and insights on modern love and loneliness, the conversation is brave, unfiltered, and ultimately hopeful.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Everyday Routines and Small Pleasures

• Ideal Day: B describes her dream Friday, which involves waking up early, dipping bread in tea, taking a train trip with her ideal (not-yet-met) partner, exploring aqueducts, ending at a pub, and watching a film at home.

  “You're dipping the massive bread in the tea, then you're getting out and you're getting a train with, ideally, the love of your life. You have not met yet.” — Tom, [01:27]

• B shares her love for French snacks, particularly 'Pepito' biscuits, recounting memories of sneaking them with friends at school.

  “I bought maybe 15 boxes of French snacks that I grew up with… Pepito from Ly.” — B, [31:08]

2. Searching for Connection & Thoughts on Modern Dating

• B reflects on dating apps (“the apps are terrible… it is dire”, [03:01]), and highlights how in-person meetings feel more genuine. She appreciates apps like 'Breeze' for limiting daily matches to reduce overwhelm, but still values in-person events.
• Both muse on the difficulty and awkwardness of meeting people in Britain, contrasting it with the more open social culture in France.

  “In my hometown, it's very normal if there's two big groups of friends… to start talking to the other group.” — B, [37:05]

3. Surviving & Processing Abuse

• B courageously details her past abusive relationship, including physical violence, emotional manipulation, and the long psychological haze (“smog”) that follows such trauma.

  “You go into a haze. ...It's as if your thinking capabilities become the same, as if you were really high all the time. Your brain just doesn't compute things.” — B, [06:53]

• She speaks honestly about the difficulty of leaving, the residual impact on trust and social anxiety, and the complicated feelings of guilt and survivor responsibility.
• The process of going to the police is described, with praise for supportive officers and the clarity brought by having her experiences called ‘rape’ in formal terms.

  “They told me the word and I was quite shocked because I hadn’t realized that it was that. So they said that I had been raped. I mean, I knew, but that was the first time that someone told me that it was the case.” — B, [19:45]

4. Advice to Listeners Facing Abuse

• B’s advice to anyone experiencing similar situations:

  “To hang in there, be patient with themselves and to be kind to themselves and to forgive themselves. And that someone that loves you would never treat you like that.” — B, [13:56]

• She offers practical tips: Compare how couples around you interact and notice differences (e.g. anger, aggression, supportiveness).

5. Healing & Moving Forward

• B describes recovery as slow and non-linear; the trauma becomes less ever-present over time.

  “What’s important is that you think about [the past events] less and less.” — B, [15:20]

• Therapy and friends’ nonjudgmental listening were crucial; opening up made things incrementally better (“...two years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to really speak about anything, really, because I had massive social anxiety…” — B, [12:23]).

6. Empathy, Kindness, and Finding Light

• B believes adversity has made her “more empathetic” and more able to spot signs when others are struggling.
• Tom and B discuss how meaningful it is to be seen and truly understood by another, the value of kindness to friends and strangers, and the simple joy of childlike activities (like building Legos).

7. Humorous & Heartfelt Moments

• B agrees to wear a sombrero for a day (inspired by the Pepito mascot), joking about destiny and making friends with anyone else in a sombrero on the Tube ([40:03]).
• The two share a Pepito biscuit on the bench, marking a first for the podcast (“This would be an incredible advert for Pepito. When your heart feels empty.” — Tom, [32:19]).
• B tells a funny story about posting a song with the lyrics "life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it,” and how this confused a potential date on Hinge ([48:14]).

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Notable Quotes

• On Trauma’s Lingering Effects:

  "These types of things impact you in very insidious ways that you don't realize until you're in the environment that is going to trigger you." — B, [05:28]

• On the Process of Leaving Abuse:

  “It's very unhelpful to tell someone that is in this situation, just leave, because lots of times they can't.” — B, [07:49]

• On Connection and Empathy:

  “It teaches you to recognize some of the signs that someone may be struggling. If you've never struggled in your life, you probably will miss this.” — B, [27:40]

• On What She Wants People to See:

  "I have a deeper personality than what people can initially see... I only really want to connect with someone and for someone to really know me." — B, [44:00]

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Important Timestamps

• [01:27] B describes her ideal Friday and unique breakfast ritual
• [03:01] Discussion of why dating apps often feel “dire”
• [04:31]–[07:49] B recounts her abusive relationship and the psychological “smog”
• [13:56] B gives advice to listeners in abusive situations
• [19:45] On hearing her experiences defined as rape by the police
• [31:15] The meaning of “Pepito” and sharing a French snack
• [40:03] The sombrero challenge: "I'll do it. I will do it. Yeah."
• [44:00] B on what’s invisible about her and her longing to be truly known
• [48:14] Hilarious dating app story with the song lyric misunderstanding
• [51:43] Reflection on the bench conversation and desire to binge episodes
• [53:02] B realizes Tom is the singer-songwriter she listened to as a teen
• [55:03] B on her hopes for the future: travel, sports, and finding love

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Tone and Style

The episode moves fluidly between light-hearted and solemn, blending wry humor with unflinching honesty. Both Tom and B maintain a natural, confessional style, often gentle and supportive, even while discussing profoundly painful subjects.

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Final Reflections

• The bench becomes a protected space for vulnerability and laughter—a microcosm for the kinds of conversations rarely had with strangers.
• The power of listening, kindness, and a surprising biscuit on a park bench are foregrounded as acts of hope in the shadow of hardship.

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Endnote:
This episode is a powerful blend of confessional storytelling and simple camaraderie. For anyone recovering from trauma, seeking connection, or just needing a reminder of the kindness of strangers, it resonates long after the final bell of the park.

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Transcript

[A]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a. Okay, it's official now.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

That was just rehearsal.

[B]

Is it recording?

[A]

What we'll do is I'll run us through very quickly what we talked about. I asked you what his favorite day of the week is.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You said Wednesday because of your school life. No longer Wednesday because you're working. It's now Friday because you have restful days to come. Okay, so what would be your ideal Friday when you were not working? Well, it's getting up at 7. It's getting dressed with your Kindle reading at the same time, which I've never heard of. I like. Did you say what you have for breakfast?

[B]

Yeah, my bread.

[A]

Oh, the bread, of course. Oh, my God.

[B]

It's a massive, important detail.

[A]

You're dipping the massive bread in the tea, then you're getting out and you're getting a train with, ideally, the love of your life. You have not met yet.

[B]

Yes. We're meeting up at a train station and we're on the train together.

[A]

And then you're going to the.

[B]

Aqueduct.

[A]

Aqueduct. Where you will just walk around.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there'll be a pub, d' you say, at the end? Yeah. And then you'll go back home and just relax.

[B]

Yeah. Watch, like, some good movie. Have dinner. Maybe I would take away because I can't be bothered to cook.

[A]

Well, it's been a long day at the Akda.

[B]

Oh, exactly. You know.

[A]

Are you currently in a strong search for an ideal partner?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're searching hard, high and low.

[B]

Oh, God, yeah. I'm trying my best, but it is dire. You know,

[A]

there's lots of people out there.

[B]

Yeah, but not everyone is for you, you know, there's lots of very, very good people.

[A]

Do you think you're a hard person to find someone for? Does that make any sense?

[B]

Yeah, it does.

[A]

What is hard about you?

[B]

It takes me a bit of time to properly open up because I've been really hurt in the past. And so I also tend to get quite scared easily.

[A]

It's by romance or by, like, spoiler spiders?

[B]

Actually, weirdly enough, I'm not afraid of spiders anymore, but I'm afraid of, like, romantic partners more.

[A]

Yeah, Humans are scary.

[B]

You know, the worst a spider can really do is just jump on you and be a bit scary. But that's about It.

[A]

Very good point.

[B]

Yeah, no, I mean, the apps are terrible. That's clearly not a groundbreaking thought.

[A]

But if I said to you, you have to design an app tomorrow, the app that's going to change the game romance wise, what are you having it do differently?

[B]

Well, so I'm going to base myself on an app that actually already exists. But there's this app that is called Breeze and it only shows you seven profiles per day. And I find that concept to be really good because it forces you to not be like, at the market, you know, where you see a thousand people and then you're like, hey, I can find better, like that whole mindset, which is really toxic. But the problem is that it is a nap at the end of the day. The best is always to meet people in person.

[A]

So true. Because how are we meeting people in person?

[B]

You can go to events.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And do you go to events?

[B]

Yeah, I'd like to. I need to go.

[A]

What happens at this kind of event?

[B]

I think you just show up and you. Because you know that everyone is single, it's like, oh, you can go up to people and not be afraid of rejection too much.

[A]

How do you cope with rejection?

[B]

Me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm chill.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's not what you fear?

[B]

No, no, no, no. I'm afraid of, like. I mean, there's lots of things, but I don't know, I'm afraid of, like, getting hurt again, you know, I mean, I've been single for around two years now and my ex was the absolute worst.

[A]

And not just the worst. The absolute worst.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I've had to go to the police recently.

[A]

Oh, well, that's quite bad. That is. That is quite bad. Oh, God.

[B]

Like that type of bad.

[A]

That's. Absolutely. Maybe that's. Yes, that's. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. So that was two years ago, but it's still with you.

[B]

It's much less now thanks to therapy and just focusing on myself and my friends. But yeah, it's still very much there. And it actually incredibly annoys me because I'm realizing that it does impact me. Even at work. For example, I have male coworkers that are around my age and as one of them, he's the sweetest guy, but he tends to be very much in his head and like, he's not very bubbly because he's just how he is and that's perfectly fine. But my ex used to be like that and I've realized that sometimes I feel uncomfortable around him because of that reason. So I'm working on that. These types of things impact you in very insidious ways that you don't realize until you're in the environment that is going to trigger you. And it's quite infuriating once you're out of it.

[A]

When you look back at these things, you kind of go, how was I able to do that?

[B]

Like, how was I able to be in that relationship? Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's a massive question that not many people actually feel like they can ask. But I'm someone that processes things by trying to make sense of them in a very rational way. And the first thing was that I was quite young. I was 20, 21. And then after that I was in a foreign country by myself, in a different culture, speaking a different language. And that already put me on the back foot because he was native from here. So lots of times he would say something and I would be like, oh, that's how it is done here. So there was this going on. And then I made the grave mistake of moving to London with him, and I moved in his house with his parents. And that was before I had a job, that was just after uni, which means that I didn't have any financial means to find a flat by myself. So I was stuck there. And that's when the abuse got really bad, because I think he knew that too. And when you go through something like this, you go into a haze. You can't really think. It's really strange. It's as if your thinking capabilities become the same, as if you were really high all the time. Your brain just doesn't compute things. You feel things, but you don't understand them. It's very odd. And. And you are in a smog, and once you're out, that's when you start realizing. It's like a sheet of paper was taken away from your eyes. But it takes a lot to get out of there. But, yeah, I mean, you know that these types of guys aren't good. But it's very unhelpful to tell someone that is in this situation, just leave, because lots of times they can't. And I was lucky enough to not be married to him or have children. So, yeah, it's really rough, but you learn a lot from it.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

never seen that in the wild Horse.

[A]

Real life horsey.

[B]

Yeah, fair enough.

[A]

At what point did the smog lift for you? What brought you kind of into the clear?

[B]

So for the smog to fully lift off, it was very gradual. So even now, on some Things. I still have doubts about what happened, but progressively, with time, it's less and less and, of course, therapy. But there were a few instances where something happened and it took me aback. For example, I remember going home for my birthday, maybe the first year I was with him. I went back home to France, and my parents were there, and we were having dinner, and I saw them talk to each other and joke with each other, you know, with little. Little jokes. But, like, no one got angry. It was still in good spirit. And then I was like, what is this? That's really weird. And that thought made me realize the environment I grew up in with my parents had become strange to me because of the relationship I was in. And that was the first time I took a step back and I was like, oh, there's something wrong. And then when I. Yeah, so when I was back in France, that was a week before my birthday, and I went back to the UK for my actual birthday, and he had bought me a really, really nice bucket of flowers. It was gorgeous. But I had just come back from work, so I was a little bit tired. I was still, you know, all dressed up. Just wanted to wash my hands and stuff. But he was really excited. So he told me, come up to the room. Let me show you what I got for you. So I said, yeah. And I saw the flowers, and I was like, oh, thank you. That's really, really nice. I appreciate it very much. And then I said, I'm just going to go wash my hands now and get dressed into something more comfortable. And he didn't like that because I didn't appreciate it for long enough. And that started a whole very explosive reaction from him. He punched the wall. He made a hole in the wall, and he threw the flowers on the ground. He pushed me, you know, and then I ended up hiding in the bathroom, and I had locked it, and he broke the lock to get in and get to me. And the next day, I woke up with a black eye. And that was my first black eye that I can remember. And he just looked at me and he was like, so, what are we gonna do? And my reaction was, oh, that's fine. We're just going to go to this makeup shop and get color corrector so I can hide it. And, yeah, I stayed with him for another year and a half after that. I think the stat is that on average, it takes around eight times for the woman to leave the relationship. But, and this is a new. Everyone that would listen to the podcast would know that the woman that go through these Types of things, they always say, yeah, but he's not always like that. But also, when he's good, you just forget about everything else because you're in that smog is very perverse, pervasive, very strange.

[A]

What has all that kind of done to you and your spirit generally, do you think?

[B]

In my spirit, I think it has made me lose a lot of the naivety I had. It has made me more wary of people, that's for sure. But it's also made me grow a lot. So, for example, that discussion we're having right now. Two years ago, I wouldn't have been able to really speak about anything, really, because I had massive social anxiety. So now this is much better because this relationship, funnily enough, actually taught me that strangers really aren't that bad at all.

[A]

So why is that relationship? Told you that?

[B]

Because, I mean, the one that really hurt me the most in my life was the one that isn't supposed to do that. When strangers have only been kind to me, probably not the ones that are gonna hurt you. I think it has definitely made me more happy and realized that life can be much worse. I mean, you can die tomorrow, so, you know, it's good to take a step back and just enjoy what you have in the moment.

[A]

If you could kind of. If someone was listening and they could recognize from what you're saying about your relationship, something about their relationship, what would you say to them? Is it ever as simple as the first time this thing kind of happens? You just leave, you know, Is it ever as simple? I'm guessing it's not, right?

[B]

I mean, in the ideal world, yes, but it's really not simple like that. I think I would tell someone that is going through that just honestly to hang in there, to be patient with themselves and to be kind to themselves and to forgive themselves. And that someone that loves you would never treat you like that. And if someone thinks that they're going through something like that. What worked for me to realize that it was an abusive relationship was to look at the couples around me, like, how do they talk to each other? Do they get angry immediately when something happens? Are they passive aggressive? Most of the time? It's. No, it takes a lot of time. It's just a matter of realizing things.

[A]

I mean, how. How often are you able just to kind of forget these things? I mean, I mean, like, is this. How much is it on your mind, these past events? Can you kind of put it to one side, or is it one conversation

[B]

I had with my therapist? Is that these Things will always be there. What's important is that you think about them less and less. So at first, I would just think about it all the time. I would dream about it. I would wake up, think about it, and then dream about it again. And with time, I've been able to just think about other things, you know? So, like today, for example, here is somewhere where we would go a lot. And the first time I went back after the end of the relationship, I had very near panic attack, and I had flashbacks, the whole PTSD shebang. And the second time, I just didn't want to come here. I did a little bit, and then I left. It was also not great. And then today, I thought to myself, oh, I want to have a walk. And then I didn't think about any of the bad things at all. And then while I was on the tube, I realized, wait a second. This is like my first time. Just okay, you know, I'm not thinking about that. Stupid man. This is new. And now I'm perfectly fine. And I think, like, even if I saw him in the wild, I would be able to realize, hey, I can just walk away, you know? It doesn't mean that it has to take up all my thoughts.

[A]

Yeah. That's such a good way of thinking about it.

[B]

It's gradual.

[A]

Yeah, gradual. It's always gradual, isn't it? What. How does my question that's come into my head is that this person's. You know, they're not in jail or anything, they're just out and about.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

And they could and probably will meet more people.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Do you feel a sense of. Obviously it's not. It obviously is not on you to do anything. Right. But there must be a thought of, like, the worry for them. Is that at all a thing you think about?

[B]

Yeah, no, that's a. That's a really good question that, again, very few people dare to ask. Even though I think it's a. It's. It's good to ask this question so that people understand these relationships a little bit better. So for me, I debated going to the police for a very, very long time because I didn't want to revisit all of these memories. But what made me go there is because I realized that the guilt was eating at me more than any memories or PTSD that I had before.

[A]

Guilt in what sense?

[B]

The guilt in the sense that if someone goes through something like that.

[A]

Okay, I see.

[B]

And also because these men, they only ever escalate, and I just couldn't bear the thought of one day A woman dying because of him. Because in the UK there's a Clarence Law where anyone can request someone's police record. And so I was thinking, if I don't go to the police, there won't be a record on him and no one can see what he's done before.

[A]

See. Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, I went to the police for that very reason. But it's. It's not easy at all. It's very difficult.

[A]

How have you found that process of doing that? I've going to the police, honestly, I

[B]

had a really good experience. Yeah. I went in person. They sent over the Domestic abuse unit, two young women around my age, which I'm pretty sure was on purpose, and I was very much appreciated. They took my initial statement and then I got referred, I think, to a detective. And then a few weeks later, I was called in to do a formal statement. I met my detective, actually. You get assigned two detectives, you get assigned one for the victim, so you. And then you get assigned someone else for the perpetrator. So the one that talked to me won't talk to my ex. So they took me into a room and I had to go into as much detail as possible. It lasted around an hour and a half. They were very kind and took time to sit down with me and explain the charges to me. They told me the word and I was quite shocked because I hadn't realized that it was that. So they said that I had been raped. I mean, I knew, but that was the first time that someone told me that it was the case. So they took time to actually explain it and they were quite patient. Then after that, my detective is still in contact with me about the proofs. So I had to send over my proofs, the evidence, my journal and pictures and stuff like that. And then now I'm just waiting for updates, basically because the investigation is going and it takes a long time, which is fair, but it's a bit too long.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, yeah, we'll see where it goes.

[A]

It must take so much courage to go through all that.

[B]

Yeah, it was rough.

[A]

Well, I'd have to keep you some records, though.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. So that's the whole point, like to

[A]

have it written down somewhere when you're going through. Obviously, do stop me if any of these questions are like, no, I'm an open book.

[B]

I mean, it's difficult to talk about it, but kind of it's important to talk about it.

[A]

When you were going through your journals, knowing what you know now and looking back at you having written these things, did anything Kind of strike you.

[B]

I sounded very naive. I remember writing I can't believe this has happened, not I can't believe he did that. The language used was very passive. It also made me realize that some of the things I remembered actually had happened way more than I remembered. So there's one instance where he strangled me and he nearly killed me and that's the one that I remember in very vivid details. When I read back my journals, it made me realize that he hadn't done it, only that one time. He had actually done it a lot of times before, just not as intense as the one time I remembered. And it made me realize that I've actually forgotten so much that had happened. Obviously it's quite a realization that hit me like a truck.

[A]

Yeah. I'm guessing that must be a fairly common kind of self protective mechanism of the brain.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm pretty sure it's part of the whole hazing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, smog thing. So. Yeah, I.

[A]

Do you feel like you, you mentioned a couple of times you said some people are scared of asking some, some of these questions. Are there any questions you wished you were asked about this? Do you see what I mean? What do you find people do ignore and what do you wish they didn't with you?

[B]

A lot of people are afraid to victim blame. So for example, when you ask me why did you stay? I just wish more people would ask me, especially my friends, because they know that sometimes this question comes across as victim blaming, which it does sometimes, depending on the intent behind it. But lots of people tend to see women that go through something like that as stupid and clueless. I don't think we are. I think we're just very unlucky. And so by asking why did you stay? It gives me the opportunity to explain why it's not out of pure stupidity. It's not because I was just also in love with him. There's lots of reasons why and lots of people can't help it. And it takes empathy to understand that.

[A]

Yeah, I mean also I think people forget that when you talk about the smog before you're talking about the smog of like being in a haze of all these incidents and kind of they're washing over you. It's just too much almost for the brain to fully compute. But I suppose what you just mentioned there is the complicated factor which is love, as in love, which is actually so intoxicating and it's one of the only ones other than actual genuine drugs, which actually seems to kind of bend people. It moves People from there to there, it takes them out of their kind of, like, clinical understanding, you know?

[B]

Yeah. So have you ever been in a situation where you're extremely emotional and very big emotions? So, for example, you're happy, but you're also a little bit stressed, a little bit nervous, a little bit sad at the same time, maybe. And you have a thousand emotions going on, and you just can't really think. You know, you're like, oh, my God. Okay, this massive thing is going on. For most people, this lasts maybe 5, 10 seconds, and then they get their wits again. Like, let's say you are at an amusement park, right? And then, like, you're like, oh, this is so great. You know, you can't really think. You get out of the ride and then you can start thinking again. When you're in these relationships, this state of mind is constant. You have the love going on. You also have fear, you have panic, you have anger, you have happiness. All at the same time. You are stuck in this state of mind, just floating around, and it's all such a big mess. What do you do when you can't really think? You tend to freeze until you can untangle the situation, and that's when you have to take a step back and let yourself untangle it. That's what is difficult for people to do, to make themselves move away from that situation, to be able to untangle it.

[A]

Do you like to help people generally?

[B]

Yeah, I would say so. That's kind of what I do in my job. But, yeah, going out of that relationship and we realized that I want to help people if I can. I want to do good in life, basically, because I think I've seen such bad things.

[A]

Yeah, obviously, I've talked to hundreds of people. You know, you're not the first one to. I mean, what. I mean, who I've talked to who have suffered a be so many people do tragically, it's just horrendously more common than I think people imagine. I think if there's one kind of glimmer of light in some of it, it's like you do gain a kind of the ability to help others, essentially, who have endured the same thing or enjoying the same thing, or anyone or actually, is anyone enduring anything painful?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you feel like you've gained that a bit at all, or is that a little bit way off?

[B]

I would definitely say that I'm more empathetic now than I used to be. Yeah. I think it teaches you different perspectives, and it also teaches you to recognize some of the Signs that someone may be struggling. That if you've never struggled in your life, you probably will miss this. But yeah, we just need to stay kind to each other.

[A]

One more question on the subject of help. What act of help has been the most crucial to in your life that I received? Yeah,

[B]

I don't really know because I did most of it by myself. But I think it probably was being listened to by my friends without judgment. My good friend is the first person that I talked to after the relationship and she just sat there and she just listened to me and she said, I'm really sorry you went through that and that's it. And she let me talk about it and yeah, I think that was it because that was my first time opening up to anyone.

[A]

So how she handled that moment was quite important.

[B]

Yeah, just listening, you know. And for me, because I process it by talking about was important to just be listened to. Oh, she's a good girl.

[A]

We've done of darkness so far.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, sorry about that.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No prody needed. It's just, it's just where things can land. Actually it started light actually, maybe that's it. Maybe it wouldn't have happened without the card messing up.

[B]

It's all your fault.

[A]

It's all the card. It's all the cards. Cuz then we would have just been on, you know, toast, dipped into the tea. Into your tea?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can you think of the last really small inconsequential thing that gave you great pleasure?

[B]

Oh my God, yes.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

I know I went to Paris last week and that was only my second time in Paris because I'm not from there. So for me that was really, really cool. You know, I was like, oh, this is my country, my friends, we can speak French together. It was so weird. I was being really strange because I really miss my country. But anyway, first thing I did, I went to the supermarket and I was in absolute terrific awe.

[A]

Did you say awe?

[B]

Yeah. I was shocked at seeing like the amount of nice stuff that are there.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, this is, look at this nice stuff.

[B]

It's all so nice.

[A]

And this wine that cost €3 rather

[B]

than, hey, I got a €9 bottle of wine. And that's. I thought that was beautiful. And I bought maybe 15 boxes of French snacks that I grew up with.

[A]

Wonderful.

[B]

And I filled my entire suitcase with that.

[A]

What's the key French snack that you grew up with?

[B]

I've got one here.

[A]

Oh my God, the pepito. It's pepito.

[B]

Pepito from Ly.

[A]

Can you describe Pepito?

[B]

Yeah. It's a bit like short crust filled in with a very good chocolate filling. And there's chocolate around it. Do you want it?

[A]

I mean, obviously I would like to try it. It's not every day you get some of your favorite French snack. However, you've only got. I mean, you've surely got a limited amount for pita.

[B]

I told you, I got 15 boxes.

[A]

Yeah, but what if you're. This is. What if this is the last box?

[B]

Nah, don't worry.

[A]

You sure? Yeah, I'm sure.

[B]

Just take it.

[A]

Okay. This. Okay. It looks interesting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So what's the difference in the chocolate in the bottom and the chocolate in the middle? We're about to find out.

[B]

I think the chocolate in the bottom is white chocolate and inside it's dark chocolate. Not sure. What do you think you see?

[A]

Very chocolatey.

[B]

Yep. I'm obsessed.

[A]

How do you decide when you eat your Pepitos?

[B]

When my heart feels empty.

[A]

This would be an incredible advert for Pippito. When your heart feels empty. What an honour. This is the first time I've been fed a French snack on a bench.

[B]

Yeah. Out of how many? 300 people.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Look at me. I'm so special.

[A]

Basically, if you talk to enough people on benches, one of them will give you a French snack. Yeah, that's my lesson of the day.

[B]

You just need to go through 300 people again. You'll get another snack.

[A]

Actually, could you think of, like, when you have this for the first time?

[B]

Not for the first time, but I do remember being in the school courtyard and my school was actually really nice because we had a whole, I mean, tiny park, but we had trees there. How do you call that in English? You know, an orchid orchard. Orchard, yes. And so I remember being underneath one of these trees, hiding away with my friends. And we would have.

[A]

With your Pepitos?

[B]

Yeah, we would have the Pepitos.

[A]

It's a good name. Does it mean anything?

[B]

I think it's the name of the guy on the box.

[A]

Oh, there's a guy on the box?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Describe it.

[B]

Sombrero.

[A]

Wow. What is. Describe this little guy.

[B]

I think he's dressed as, like, the cliche Mexican outfit.

[A]

You know, maybe your future love is destined to have a sombrero.

[B]

You know what? Maybe I should go to Mexico. Maybe that's where the guy is hiding. Because definitely not in London.

[A]

We got into. You're about to describe your. We actually didn't ever do it. The app you design, do you remember? And Then we had a massive detour onto some obviously more important stuff. But, like, have you got a. Got a vision? Honestly, I've actually got a vision, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Do you want to hear mine?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But listen, I've just cut off yours. Do you have one though?

[B]

No, it would just be meeting in person.

[A]

Okay. I think I've got a great one.

[B]

Okay, do it.

[A]

I've said it's great beforehand, so maybe I'm just trying to build it up.

[B]

Are you getting nervous?

[A]

Maybe it's not. Okay. I'm getting nervous about my great idea. I find that, like, momentum is very important. As in. Yeah, you know, really, before you actually said anything, you just sound like an idiot. That's the current state I'm in. Right. So I'm. Okay. I think I'm gonna call it something like tonight.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Right. Or it's like. Yeah, I'm very skeptical. I'm out. I'm out. So. Okay, let's imagine going home and you're on the train or something, and you're actually like feeling in really buoyant spirits, you know?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then you're like, well, I want to do something tonight. You know, instead of going on the apps, when you're excited and be like, someone can do three Tuesdays from now. And then by then you're like in a different space, a different mood and a different momentum that it can only happen like that night. So you have people who are also ready or wanting to meet someone that night. It feels close to kind of chance, you know, that they would also feel this something. You feel something and then you meet and you feel a mutual bounce together. You see the thinking, though.

[B]

I see the vision. The only thing.

[A]

Oh, no, this can't be a problem. Are you saying there's a problem with it?

[B]

No, I think it's just more conclusive for short term relationships, a concept like that.

[A]

No, but I see why you think that. It's not like I want to have sex tonight feeling. It's like I want to meet someone tonight. Like I'm in the mood for that.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, that's fair enough. I mean, anything that is pro. Just meeting in person instead of texting

[A]

forever, you're starting to come around to this great idea.

[B]

I mean, yeah, but I think there's something called. I think it's like Thursday that does that, but I'm not sure.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that just. Okay. Oh, no.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Surely coming my great idea be invented already.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[A]

Seeing a good event, meeting someone not on the apps, just Walking around.

[B]

Yeah. I wish. I wish people would talk to each other more.

[A]

Yeah. There we go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How can we do that? Well, it's what we're doing now, I suppose.

[B]

Yeah. It's cool. It's good. And I think it should be Anchorage.

[A]

Yeah. What circumstances do you feel confident, like approaching someone?

[B]

Okay. So the thing I miss the most about France is the way of life. And by that I mean that I find people talk to each other more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you go to a cafe, you go on a terrace, you have a few drinks with your friends. And at least in my hometown, it's very normal if there's two big groups of friends sitting beside each other to start talking to the other group. And that's how you meet lots of people and that's how you make friends. Right. I think in that context, I'm really good. If it's going up to someone at a bar, I'm actually okay doing that. I've done it before, but I feel like in London, people just look at you like you're some serial killer, even if you're a girl. It's really odd, though, to be fair. The Brits are the Brits.

[A]

The Brits are the Brits. So true. So true. They are funny.

[B]

They're funny people.

[A]

And they're not very good at people just approaching from nowhere.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, they are very kind. They're just very closed off. But to be fair, they're very concerned with each other in the way that they don't want to bother. And I think that's also one of the reasons why, at least, I think British men don't come up to women anymore that much. It comes from a place of politeness, maybe a bit of shyness, maybe.

[A]

Actually where people go wrong, weirdly, is actually like a bar. As in, like, it's kind of just like an obvious playground for that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It looks so pointed, you know, So I just think it's like we gotta, like, think about these things a bit, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Creative with each other.

[A]

Like, all these people are just. They're just basically us, you know, we've just have, like an immense power as humans to connect with each other that we actually just. We do so little of. Like, we're told, like, these are the places you meet people. So, you know, if you want to meet people, go to a pub or go to a club or go here, you know?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, like, humans are social creatures. Right. Like, our thing is that we connect with each other and we learn from each other. And there's so many rules nowadays, and it's really annoying. It's so exhausting. Oh, my God, I sound like an old woman. But you know what? I'm proud for it.

[A]

Here's a question, okay. What have you lost that you would like to bring back? That is not a dead person.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I did like the obvious. I bring back my great Aunt Margarita. And then, you know,

[B]

there's several answers to that question for me. The first one is privacy. Because of social media, you really don't have any privacy. You know, you need to have social media for when you work and then for meeting up with your friends. So that's really annoying to me. I just wish we could just simplify our lives.

[A]

Have an alias, have a pseudonym. Call yourself Pepito.

[B]

Pepito. Yeah, maybe I should right now. Maybe I should start wearing a sombrero.

[A]

I just realized. Yeah, exactly. Let's just have a look. Just maybe, again, this is something people don't do enough of. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you. So today is Sunday, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If. I don't know, it's quite late now, but if you manage to, like, source a sombrero for tomorrow and you spent the whole of the next week wearing a sombrero, you know, like, so many people would talk to you. They're like, why are you wearing this sombrero? You know, like, you know, your life would be fundamentally, completely altered by wearing this sombrero for a week.

[B]

You know what? Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do it. I will do it. Yeah. I'm just gonna be posted on Reddit and stuff like, hey, what's up with this girl?

[A]

Hey. It's a game changer. I always think there's a moment of destiny in everything, you know, Pepito is the destiny. The little sombrero boy. Is he a boy?

[B]

I think he is a boy. He's a tiny man, Just the littlest man, wearing a massive sombrero. That would be fucking funny. That would be hilarious.

[A]

There you go. That's your plan.

[B]

All right. That's my mission.

[A]

You know, I can't really quite picture you in a sombrero, but it doesn't matter. That's the point.

[B]

Do not put stereotypes on me, you know? Do not put me in the box.

[A]

The beauty is you are going to make the sombrero your own, whatever happens.

[B]

Yes. You cannot know if a sombrero is for me. Except if you've seen me with a sombrero before and you haven't, so. Hey.

[A]

So true.

[B]

Don't judge me.

[A]

I haven't.

[B]

No.

[A]

Sombrero judgment.

[B]

Maybe that's how I will hit my own Pepito. I think he'll be cold to me.

[A]

So true.

[B]

I mean, I'm just imagining, like, going for pints on Thursday after work and then going home in my Pepito outfit. And then if I find someone else dressed with a sombrero on the tube, I will completely lose my mind. This person will become my best friend. I think it would be a sign. Imagine the scene. It will be like the meme of the Spider man people, you know?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Where they're pointing at each other.

[A]

Yeah, they're pointing each other. Which is the best meme?

[B]

I love this meme.

[A]

Is this dog Koitos? No.

[B]

Hello, dog. Hello. Hi.

[A]

Oh, it is Kobe to us. Why did I know that dog was coming to us?

[B]

Well, he just gave us a.

[A]

He just felt like he was just.

[B]

Come here.

[A]

Good throw.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

And, yeah, you're gonna have to do it again now. Good times.

[B]

I miss my dog, so that's okay. That's a good dog. My dogs have never given me maybe.

[A]

Here's the deal. I've got a funny deal for you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

If you want, I will buy you a sombrero today. Well, no, maybe not, actually. Might be difficult today just because I don't know where on earth we.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

You know, I could just send you one or something.

[B]

Deal.

[A]

In case that time thought, you know. You know what? Now is the time. I am going to wear my sombrero for a week.

[B]

To be honest. To be completely honest with you, I just wouldn't do a week. But I will do a day. I will do a day.

[A]

Day's fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The sombrero day.

[B]

I legit will.

[A]

That's the destiny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What brings you the greatest satisfaction in your life?

[B]

When I know that the people around me are doing okay. And knowing that I contribute to them being okay. Like, being a positive influence to the people around me. Even strangers, you know, just being kind of to people. Just trying to make someone's day a little bit better. I would say that

[A]

I like that. What do you think is invisible about you that you wish more people could see?

[B]

Oh, God. These are not easy questions. They're really good, but they're not easy that I have more going on than what I show. I think I have a deeper personality than what people can initially see, to be honest. And it's gonna sound so sad, but I only really want to connect with someone and for someone to really know me, and that's about it.

[A]

So I think that's sad. Yeah, it's not sad at all.

[B]

It kind of is.

[A]

Why is it sad?

[B]

Because it implies that I don't have someone like that in my life right now. I mean, that's okay, right?

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, to be, like, truly understood is, like, insanely rare thing, and a huge achievement to get to that point. It takes also lots of stages to get there because also, it's about, like, the knowing of oneself as well and achieving a kind of balance with that.

[B]

Because it also takes a lot of time. And it also means you have to be around that person a lot, which nowadays, at least when you work and stuff, it's difficult to get.

[A]

Yeah. I'm not sure I don't agree necessarily. You have to be around them a lot. I just think you have to be really lucky. So, I mean. Yeah, I mean, it can happen quickly and really well. Yeah, but you both have to be in the same kind of wavelength. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I agree.

[A]

A lot of these things do take minor miracles to actually work.

[B]

Yeah. But it does happen.

[A]

But it does happen. Correct. Is there anything you would like to be asked that you haven't been asked, given the fact we're only on this bench once? You know, what if you once fell out of a large building and landed on a bouncy castle? Do you know what I mean?

[B]

I kind of would like that.

[A]

How do you feel about bouncy castles?

[B]

I love bansey castles.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I want to go to one. Yeah.

[A]

We've got to connect more with childlike things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When was the last time you felt that you did, like, a childlike thing?

[B]

Oh, that was Christmas. I love my family. Right. But I adore my nephews very much, and I found that I actually prefer to hang out with them when it's family outings. So I sat down for a good two hours and I just did Legos with my nephew.

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

And it was so great. I had the best time. He got tired of it. I was like, come back.

[A]

Sounds like you need to do more Lego.

[B]

No, it's only fun when I do it with them.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yep. My little nephew. Yes. He makes crazy stories and he loves to act on them. So while he does the Legos, he tells you about the whole story, and you have to listen. He makes sure you do. And I think that's the sweetest, cutest thing ever.

[A]

This lady is feeding the birds in front of us. What do you think she's thinking?

[B]

I think she's trying to get them on her good side. Because you know that these guys, if they don't like you, they can hold a grudge for, I think, 15 years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think she's.

[A]

She wants. She wants a friend.

[B]

No, I think she's just smarter than us.

[A]

She probably is. Let's say she is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because she's smarter than us.

[B]

You know, they can bring you little trinkets and stuff.

[A]

Yes. That's also come up on the bench, you know, really grows.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, that's really cool.

[A]

Yeah. What. What was the last thing that caused you to laugh a lot? That would make no sense to anybody else.

[B]

So that was yesterday. I don't know why I just found it so funny. It wasn't funny at all. So, like, I posted a photo on my story on Instagram yesterday because I was really feeling myself, and I put one of my favorite songs. So the. The band is called Black Box Recorder. And basically the song basically just goes like, life is unfair. Kill yourself or get over it.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

But it's a very nice song, and she has such a sweet voice. And, you know.

[A]

Anyway, sorry. And this. Sorry. You were feeling yourself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You put this song on.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you laughed. No, no, sorry. There's more to this story. I'm just jumping in.

[B]

People are gonna listen.

[A]

That's also probably true. Keep going.

[B]

It's okay. Anyway, and, like, there's this guy I match with on Henge, right? And, like, we've been talking, and he said, hey, I liked that story. And I said, oh, thanks. I love the song too. And he said, oh, I hadn't listened to it. I said, oh, go listen to it. And he said, okay, I'm gonna turn up my volume and listen to it. And he just said, oh, well, I just got told to kill myself by a very nice lady. And I don't know why this just made me laugh so much because this poor guy, he doesn't know me. We've never met. I was like, oh, fuck. So anyway, like, yeah, I was cackling in my bed Yesterday at, like, 1am Were you?

[A]

Were you? Were you? Will you meet, though?

[B]

Yeah, we said that we were gonna meet on Tuesday.

[A]

There you go. Yeah, take a sombrero.

[B]

You know what? I would do it. I would. I think it's. Life is very boring if you don't have fun with strangers.

[A]

So true.

[B]

Maybe I should tell him my real name is Pepito.

[A]

You can be anyone you want on Tuesday. You know, that's irrelevant. And also, you could be anyone you want at any time. You can just rock up and be Whoever.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

You know, why not? There are more and more birds have gathered by this woman.

[B]

I tell you, she's smarter than all of us. She's building an army.

[A]

You're feeling good about the day on Tuesday?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Maybe you can come on Tuesday and see how it's going.

[A]

Imagine. See that guy in the corner? Don't worry about it. He just. He's just seeing how it's going. He's just. He just, you know, I met him on a bench. He told me to wear sombrero. He just needs to know how it's going.

[B]

Imagine that. That would sound like the craziest thing. Poor dude. After I told him to kill himself.

[A]

Really testing him out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and I don't know what would be my role. The occasional wave, the chaperone, Like a little wave. That's a little wave.

[B]

Yeah, but you have to show up wearing a sombrero too. Otherwise it doesn't work.

[A]

Sombrero, brother. Yeah, just in the corner.

[B]

That was cute. That was cute.

[A]

That was said in quite a good English accent as well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Get out of the bloody mud. Anything you won't do on this first date? No, I'm saying you won't do. I phrased that wrong. Like, I don't know. Do you have a sort of set of things you want to find out broadly?

[B]

Maybe just how they interact with other people, like the staff.

[A]

Because really, they don't get much.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. The staff. Or even just me, you know, if. Are they standoffish or are they open? I'm not interested in someone that isn't open. Like, what's the point if I can't get to know you? You know, are they funny? Do they have charm? You know, the charisma.

[A]

I hope it's going to go well on Tuesday.

[B]

I hope so, too.

[A]

I'll see you in the corner. I'll be the one in the corner of the street.

[B]

You better.

[A]

Eating my Pepito. Fifteen boxes worth. How have you found the experience talking to a stranger on a bench?

[B]

I didn't really have any expectation. I think it's cool.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

It's a really cool thing to do. And now I wanna. I wanna binge listen to your previous ones.

[A]

You got plenty to go through. Yeah, you've got 73 episodes. But I speak spoken to hundreds of people. Can you figure it out? Not everyone becomes an episode.

[B]

Oh, my God. Now I'm scared I'm not going to become one. I'm gonna send you a message like, hey, every day.

[A]

Every day. I gave You a whole Pepito.

[B]

How dare you? Yeah, that's really fun. It must take a lot of work also, to put it in the format and stuff. It does, yeah.

[A]

So the Rose does that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The editor.

[B]

Wait, you have a whole team?

[A]

There's a whole team.

[B]

Are you.

[A]

There's Rose, there's Mike. He does the. Mixes it. He makes it sound good.

[B]

Oh, cool.

[A]

There's a different artist as a song at the end for each one.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's your name?

[A]

My name is Tom.

[B]

What's your last name?

[A]

Rosenthal.

[B]

I've been a massive fan for a while and I clocked that you may be him. Like, very late on, very late. Oh, my God, I'm so happy to meet you.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

I love your songs.

[A]

Oh, that's sweet of you.

[B]

Yeah, these are like. I used to put them on repeat when I was 16, when I started being able to understand English properly.

[A]

How amazing. What a strange life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You listen to some music at one point and then you talk to the same person 10 years later. Yeah, that's on a random bench. There you go. Who else in this? I was trying to think. You're asking this team if I'm missing anyone out. Frankie.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I've got a friend, Frankie. He helps me do the titles and other little bits.

[B]

The titles.

[A]

There's an animation of each person which is done by this wonderful Welsh animator called Eva and was once done by a Slovakian guy called David.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

There's someone who masters the song called Adak Khan, who's wonderful too. I'm going to try going through all of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's pretty much it, I think. Is that it? Yeah. So there's quite a big team.

[B]

So for the. I'm going back to the songs there. Do you do any of them yourself?

[A]

I did one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This is how life works. I thought I'd do the hundredth one. And then I met a man who at the time, was dying and had only had a few months to live. And he actually, at the time, didn't know my music. But then we started communicating after and I said, who do you want to do your music? I'll contact them. There's probably a good chance I might be able to persuade someone to do it. Because you're dying, you know, name your person, I'll give it a go. And he said, actually, I want you to do it. So I ended up doing his one. So that's me done now.

[B]

That's the sweetest thing ever. Oh, that's very emotional. That's really good.

[A]

So. Yes. God. What? So where are we now? Yeah. I mean, is there anything else we have to say? We've covered a lot of stuff.

[B]

I think we've covered most of the

[A]

things we've done plenty. Okay, last question for you, then. Same question that everybody gets at the end. What are you going to do next?

[B]

What?

[A]

Today, next in life, either or both. Fine.

[B]

Today, gonna go home, eat, sleep. And then in life, I want to travel more. I want to get better at sports. And I'm gonna find my person to go on the train with.

[A]

You're gonna find your presence go on that train with.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With your sombrero.

[B]

With my son, of course. I will sleep with my sombrero. I will take my shower with my sombrero. I will work out with it until I find my person. And I will send you a picture. And I'll say, this is Pepito. Sitting, talking, fishing mountains past. I'm along for the ride it's time it's time I saw and I saw a light A light vision. I am done I am done with the dark with the dark I can hardly see it. Walking around just looking. I just want to sit still tonight People bridges the water for my heart. I know myself when I'm dancing When I am speaking my mind. Waving to talk about I love Just like a child and I saw a light A light vision. And I walk and I walk I look, I look and I listen. And I so and I so a lot a vision. And I walk and I walk I love, I look and I listen. Sam. Sa.