Transcript

A (0:04)

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a. Okay, it's official now.

B (0:49)

Cool.

A (0:49)

That was just rehearsal.

B (0:51)

Is it recording?

A (0:52)

What we'll do is I'll run us through very quickly what we talked about. I asked you what his favorite day of the week is.

B (0:58)

Okay.

A (0:59)

You said Wednesday because of your school life. No longer Wednesday because you're working. It's now Friday because you have restful days to come. Okay, so what would be your ideal Friday when you were not working? Well, it's getting up at 7. It's getting dressed with your Kindle reading at the same time, which I've never heard of. I like. Did you say what you have for breakfast?

B (1:20)

Yeah, my bread.

A (1:21)

Oh, the bread, of course. Oh, my God.

B (1:24)

It's a massive, important detail.

A (1:27)

You're dipping the massive bread in the tea, then you're getting out and you're getting a train with, ideally, the love of your life. You have not met yet.

B (1:37)

Yes. We're meeting up at a train station and we're on the train together.

A (1:42)

And then you're going to the.

B (1:44)

Aqueduct.

A (1:45)

Aqueduct. Where you will just walk around.

B (1:47)

Yeah.

A (1:47)

And there'll be a pub, d' you say, at the end? Yeah. And then you'll go back home and just relax.

B (1:54)

Yeah. Watch, like, some good movie. Have dinner. Maybe I would take away because I can't be bothered to cook.

A (2:00)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Strangers on a Bench – Episode 80: Pépito

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: March 23, 2026

Episode Overview

In this moving and openhearted episode, Tom Rosenthal sits down with a French woman (anonymous, per the show’s format) on a park bench somewhere in the UK. What begins as light banter about favorite days of the week and breakfast rituals unfolds into a candid, intimate account of surviving an abusive relationship, the slow journey of healing, and the subtle joys of nostalgia and connection. Peppered with humor, food, and insights on modern love and loneliness, the conversation is brave, unfiltered, and ultimately hopeful.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Everyday Routines and Small Pleasures

Ideal Day: B describes her dream Friday, which involves waking up early, dipping bread in tea, taking a train trip with her ideal (not-yet-met) partner, exploring aqueducts, ending at a pub, and watching a film at home.

“You're dipping the massive bread in the tea, then you're getting out and you're getting a train with, ideally, the love of your life. You have not met yet.” — Tom, [01:27]
B shares her love for French snacks, particularly 'Pepito' biscuits, recounting memories of sneaking them with friends at school.

“I bought maybe 15 boxes of French snacks that I grew up with… Pepito from Ly.” — B, [31:08]

2. Searching for Connection & Thoughts on Modern Dating

B reflects on dating apps (“the apps are terrible… it is dire”, [03:01]), and highlights how in-person meetings feel more genuine. She appreciates apps like 'Breeze' for limiting daily matches to reduce overwhelm, but still values in-person events.
Both muse on the difficulty and awkwardness of meeting people in Britain, contrasting it with the more open social culture in France.

“In my hometown, it's very normal if there's two big groups of friends… to start talking to the other group.” — B, [37:05]

3. Surviving & Processing Abuse

B courageously details her past abusive relationship, including physical violence, emotional manipulation, and the long psychological haze (“smog”) that follows such trauma.

“You go into a haze. ...It's as if your thinking capabilities become the same, as if you were really high all the time. Your brain just doesn't compute things.” — B, [06:53]
She speaks honestly about the difficulty of leaving, the residual impact on trust and social anxiety, and the complicated feelings of guilt and survivor responsibility.
The process of going to the police is described, with praise for supportive officers and the clarity brought by having her experiences called ‘rape’ in formal terms.

“They told me the word and I was quite shocked because I hadn’t realized that it was that. So they said that I had been raped. I mean, I knew, but that was the first time that someone told me that it was the case.” — B, [19:45]

4. Advice to Listeners Facing Abuse

B’s advice to anyone experiencing similar situations:

“To hang in there, be patient with themselves and to be kind to themselves and to forgive themselves. And that someone that loves you would never treat you like that.” — B, [13:56]
She offers practical tips: Compare how couples around you interact and notice differences (e.g. anger, aggression, supportiveness).

5. Healing & Moving Forward

B describes recovery as slow and non-linear; the trauma becomes less ever-present over time.

“What’s important is that you think about [the past events] less and less.” — B, [15:20]
Therapy and friends’ nonjudgmental listening were crucial; opening up made things incrementally better (“...two years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to really speak about anything, really, because I had massive social anxiety…” — B, [12:23]).

6. Empathy, Kindness, and Finding Light

B believes adversity has made her “more empathetic” and more able to spot signs when others are struggling.
Tom and B discuss how meaningful it is to be seen and truly understood by another, the value of kindness to friends and strangers, and the simple joy of childlike activities (like building Legos).

7. Humorous & Heartfelt Moments

B agrees to wear a sombrero for a day (inspired by the Pepito mascot), joking about destiny and making friends with anyone else in a sombrero on the Tube ([40:03]).
The two share a Pepito biscuit on the bench, marking a first for the podcast (“This would be an incredible advert for Pepito. When your heart feels empty.” — Tom, [32:19]).
B tells a funny story about posting a song with the lyrics "life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it,” and how this confused a potential date on Hinge ([48:14]).

Notable Quotes

On Trauma’s Lingering Effects:

"These types of things impact you in very insidious ways that you don't realize until you're in the environment that is going to trigger you." — B, [05:28]
On the Process of Leaving Abuse:

“It's very unhelpful to tell someone that is in this situation, just leave, because lots of times they can't.” — B, [07:49]
On Connection and Empathy:

“It teaches you to recognize some of the signs that someone may be struggling. If you've never struggled in your life, you probably will miss this.” — B, [27:40]
On What She Wants People to See:

"I have a deeper personality than what people can initially see... I only really want to connect with someone and for someone to really know me." — B, [44:00]

Important Timestamps

[01:27] B describes her ideal Friday and unique breakfast ritual
[03:01] Discussion of why dating apps often feel “dire”
[04:31]–[07:49] B recounts her abusive relationship and the psychological “smog”
[13:56] B gives advice to listeners in abusive situations
[19:45] On hearing her experiences defined as rape by the police
[31:15] The meaning of “Pepito” and sharing a French snack
[40:03] The sombrero challenge: "I'll do it. I will do it. Yeah."
[44:00] B on what’s invisible about her and her longing to be truly known
[48:14] Hilarious dating app story with the song lyric misunderstanding
[51:43] Reflection on the bench conversation and desire to binge episodes
[53:02] B realizes Tom is the singer-songwriter she listened to as a teen
[55:03] B on her hopes for the future: travel, sports, and finding love

Tone and Style

The episode moves fluidly between light-hearted and solemn, blending wry humor with unflinching honesty. Both Tom and B maintain a natural, confessional style, often gentle and supportive, even while discussing profoundly painful subjects.

Final Reflections

The bench becomes a protected space for vulnerability and laughter—a microcosm for the kinds of conversations rarely had with strangers.
The power of listening, kindness, and a surprising biscuit on a park bench are foregrounded as acts of hope in the shadow of hardship.

Endnote:
This episode is a powerful blend of confessional storytelling and simple camaraderie. For anyone recovering from trauma, seeking connection, or just needing a reminder of the kindness of strangers, it resonates long after the final bell of the park.

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EPISODE 80: Pépito