EPISODE 82: The Only Mussel Road in Cornwall

Summary

---

Strangers on a Bench

Episode 82: The Only Mussel Road in Cornwall

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: April 6, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this charming and lively episode, Tom Rosenthal chats with an anonymous bench-dweller in a picturesque Cornish village, uncovering personal stories, quirky local traditions, and a philosophy of life rooted in mischief, resilience, and humor. Their conversation meanders from childhood pranks and family memories to adventures in building a "mussel road," all flavored by the unique spirit of coastal Cornwall and peppered with candid reflections on relationships, loss, and living in the moment.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ideal Days & Daily Rituals

• The guest cherishes days off, especially time spent with children and grandchildren.
• Morning routine: coffee and a view out the window over the harbor.

"I feel like I'm really important because I might be the first person that sees what damage might have happened overnight, or if someone's left their knickers on a flagpole." — Guest [01:44]

• Local village mischief includes knickers on flagpoles and windscreen wipers propped up after wild nights.

2. Dog Walks & Bonds With Animals

• The guest’s dog is epileptic—routine is essential to minimize seizures.
  • Describes seizures as distressing: loss of eyesight, shaking, likened to "a tiny rhino."
  • Emotional impact is openly shared.

"I'm crying because I'm like a 10 year old girl where my dogs are concerned." — Guest [03:59]

• Discusses how dogs evoke childhood joy and continual mischief.

3. Growing Up Cornish and Mischievous

• Youngest of four siblings, known for getting the "worst" traits of each parent.
• Habitual mischief, from childlike pranks (like picking neighbors' locks with hair grips [08:49]) to more adult ones (swapping village flags for Palestinian ones) [05:32].

"Cornish pixie, sort of, you know, like nothing really nasty but it's not harmful but just a little bit of mischief and I think the world needs a little bit of that now and again." — Guest [05:15]

4. Life on the Isles of Scilly

• Explains the remote, tight-knit island community:

  • "28 miles off from Penzance… five inhabited [islands], lots of tiny little ones…" [10:49]
  • Fond memories of wild, free, and mischievous childhood, including stealing the police boat for a joyride [09:49].

• Describes seasonal rhythms—peaceful winters with family bake-offs and open, communal living [11:28, 20:41].

5. Work & Local Traditions

• Talks about early jobs: sorting newspapers, washing football kits, delivering milk at age 10–11 [12:17].
• Reminisces about Cornish traditions—weekly pasties, carnivals once filled with eggs and flour fights, and eccentric local raft races [21:24–24:08].

"We build rafts… launch them in the morning high tide… By then everyone's lost it. You're just throwing whatever you want anyway… never won, never want to." — Guest [22:14, 23:38]

6. Palm Henge and the Mussel Road

• The guest is an avid gardener, owning a field planted with 60+ palm trees in a stone-circle: "Palm Henge" [25:44].
• Collects mussel shells and is building "the only mussel road in Cornwall," a literal crunchy shell path to Palm Henge [26:30].

"If you can drive on it, it's a road… got to think big." — Guest [26:44]
"As you know, that'd be the only mussel road going probably in Cornwall. The only mussel road in Cornwall." — Tom [27:20]

7. Reflections on Mortality, Funerals & Legacy

• Hopes to live to 82, "maybe 92" if lucky; jokes about going wild after that [28:05].
• On funerals: Would like a living funeral as a costumed event where everyone dresses as someone dead, preferably Prince—not in purple [31:30-32:27].

"You're choosing your funeral speech to have a little dig at vegans. Just why not? … Stop worrying. Bloody vegans." — Tom [30:18]

8. Work Life & Workplace Antics

• Works as a chef at The Mussel Shoal ("Muscle Shoal"), described as happy, chaotic, and full of "real magic" [34:07–34:41].
• Legendary for humor and mischief at work, sometimes crossing lines—occasional incidents of jokingly threatening (and actually accidentally) burning a co-worker with a hot pan [35:16–36:04].
• Team-building via self-branding with hot tools ("gave ourselves blood poisoning" [36:21]).

9. Love, Relationships & Sex

• Discusses first romantic experiences, satisfaction and exhaustion in relationships, and why she’s content being single ("I'm tired of looking after men" [39:55]).
• Adventuresome sex locations: "roof," "in a tree," "on a tractor while moving" [42:18–46:05].

"The sex was fast, but the tractor was slow." — Guest [46:05]

10. Grief, Friendship & the Importance of Goodbyes

• Talks poignantly about loss of a close friend and the importance of saying goodbye:
  • "With a funeral you only get one chance to say goodbye." [48:01]
  • Recounts mischievous adventures (climbing wind turbines) shared with her late friend [51:16].

11. Home & Creative Eccentricity

• The guest’s home is filled with quirky objects: disco-balled dolphin, mannequin limbs adorned with shells and glitter [52:35–53:29].
• Tells the delightful tale of buying up mannequins from a closing store and gifting them in creative ways [58:28–59:30].

12. Philosophy and Life Attitude

• Emphasizes embracing mischief, humor, and resilience; encourages not taking life too seriously.

"Don't take anything too seriously. Really, nothing is worth that amount of worry. And everything will be what it will be in the end." — Guest [29:50]

• Daily dictum: “A dick a day keeps the frown at bay.” [57:03]

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On village life:
  "This village can bring the mischief out of everybody." — Guest [02:07]
• On losing a friend:
  "You can miss one wedding, but with a funeral you only get one chance to say goodbye." — Guest [48:01]
• On culinary philosophy:
  "Seafood is really simple. Keep it fresh, don't mess around with it and… eat out of a box." — Guest [55:28, 55:37]
• On giving gifts:
  "I drilled holes in it and then planted it up with succulents. A little bit of style there." — Guest [59:52]
• On roof sex lessons:
  "Good gloves… cuz when you are sliding, you gotta hold on." — Guest [43:44–43:51]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:44 — Harbor view & morning rituals
• 03:37 — Dog’s epilepsy and emotional challenges
• 05:32 — Mischief in adolescence & adulthood
• 09:49 — Stealing the police boat as a child
• 14:32 — Shrimp catching and parental love
• 21:31 — Pasties, Cornish traditions, and raft races
• 26:30 — The Mussel Road to Palm Henge
• 29:50 — Funeral speech and life philosophy
• 34:07 — Working at the Mussel Shoal
• 36:21 — Workplace branding (literal, with a hot tool)
• 42:18 — Roof, tree, and tractor sex stories
• 48:01 — Importance of goodbyes at funerals
• 52:35 — Mannequins, disco dolphins, and eccentric home décor
• 58:28 — Mannequin Christmas gifts story
• 60:31 — “What are you going to do next?” — “Make some people's lunch.”
• 57:03 — “A dick a day keeps the frown at bay.”

---

Setting & Tone

• Language & Tone: Warm, candid, irreverently humorous and bracingly honest; plenty of Cornish flavor and a streak of deep tenderness beneath the mischief.
• Atmosphere: Relaxed, slightly anarchic, intimate—much like the coastal setting described throughout.

---

Conclusion

This episode offers listeners an unfiltered, idiosyncratic glimpse into Cornish coastal life, brimming with stories of laughter, loss, irrepressible mischief, and creativity. Through Tom Rosenthal’s gentle curiosity and the guest’s candor, the conversation is both poignant and wildly entertaining—a celebration of life’s big and small oddities, the comfort of home, and the importance of finding joy in unlikely places.

Transcript

[A]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a. Do you have a favorite day of the week?

[B]

Day off?

[A]

Day of the week?

[B]

No, just a day off.

[A]

Any day off.

[B]

Any day. Any day off. It's my favorite day of the week.

[A]

Okay, let's imagine a day off.

[B]

Yep. Yep.

[A]

What for you is a perfect day lived on this funny earth thing we call home.

[B]

We call home. This funny earth thing. And my perfect day. I have three children, so if I could see all of them, that would always be my first starting spot. I have two granddaughters. If I can see them.

[A]

This is also good.

[B]

This makes my day.

[A]

But can we start from waking up?

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

We need to start in bed. Presuming you do.

[B]

Morning, Tom.

[A]

We're in bed.

[B]

Coffee.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I like a little stair out the window.

[A]

Just a little one.

[B]

I've got a great view from my kitchen window.

[A]

And what can you see?

[B]

I can see this harbour, all these boats, and I feel like I'm really important because I might be the first person that sees what damage might have happened overnight. Or if someone's left their knickers on a flagpole.

[A]

Does that happen? Knickers on a flagpole?

[B]

It does in this village. Quite a lot. Not mine.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

Not mine. Knickers.

[A]

What is it about this village and knickers on the flagpole?

[B]

I think it's generally this village can bring the mischief out of everybody. One of the favorite things. And I don't know who does it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But the windscreen wipers standing up. So, you know, if it's been a bit of a wild night, if the windscreen wipers have been all. They're all out. Do you know when they pop?

[A]

Oh, I see, Sorry. When. So. So someone's come along and done that.

[B]

Yeah. So, yeah. That's quite an odd.

[A]

So you have your morning stare before your morning coffee or with your morning coffee?

[B]

With my morning coffee.

[A]

Fantastic. And then from there, what happens after that? Dog walk, straight away.

[B]

Dog straight away. Yeah. I do like to take him out for a good hour, possibly a bit more. If I can I say more of a drag.

[A]

Do you know it is a drag or you have to drag.

[B]

He is a drag.

[A]

The dog's a drag.

[B]

So it's barley. I can't blame him. Do you know, like, it's just his breeze but you know, I'm going along like that, just like, oh please stop. Especially this winter, you know, it's been so wet. Yeah. And I've got to say I'm miserable. I'm fed up with wet socks in the morning and welly boots and waterproofs everywhere. Wet dog smell.

[A]

How do you bring joy to a wet day then?

[B]

Good clothing.

[A]

Yeah, it's well wrapped up with the dog. Good clothing on your dog walk. Do you see the same people regularly?

[B]

I do. I walk him in the same place because he's epileptic. So if I keep the same routine I feel it keeps his seizures to a minimum.

[A]

What does the dog seizure look like?

[B]

It's pretty ugly. It's like a human one. Bubbles. Legs shaking, he loses his eyesight. He's about 35 kilos, so he's like a tiny rhino when he goes into that. When he comes around, he's obviously a bit disorientated.

[A]

How do you do it? I mean, what's the protocol for having a scene?

[B]

I'm crying because I'm like a 10 year old girl where my dogs are concerned. It's just heartbreaking to see such a strong, healthy looking young dog turn into a, you know, really vulnerable over the years, like. Yeah, he's had it two and a half years now. So I'm a big girl now. I've stopped crying, I'm really calm.

[A]

When was the last talk about feeling like a 10 year old girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When was the last time you felt like a 10 year old girl apart from your dog having seizures?

[B]

Good question. Probably every time I see a puppy.

[A]

So dogs, dogs bring out the 10 year old in you?

[B]

Yeah, they do.

[A]

Why is that you think?

[B]

Probably because When I was 10 we had dog, you know, we've always, as a family, when I was little, always had dogs. I always feel like you got a dog in the house is a home. Do you know those eyes but those dogs. He was lovely, you know. He was one of those dogs that never did anything wrong. Since him, I don't think I've ever had a dog like that. I've always had really naughty dogs, you know, like it's funny.

[A]

Have you been drawn to naughty dogs, you think?

[B]

Yeah. Or do I make the dog naughty

[A]

people feel naughty around you? Do you think you encourage naughty behavior?

[B]

Yes, I do.

[A]

Fantastic.

[B]

I'm honest about that.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Cornish pixie, sort of, you know, like nothing really nasty but it's not harmful but just a little bit of mischief and I think the world needs a Little bit of that now and again.

[A]

I agree. When was the last bit of Cornish mischief you did? What can you say? You go quiet.

[B]

I'm gonna say we replaced all the flags up here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With Palestinian flags.

[A]

Nice. Did you get in trouble?

[B]

They didn't know it was me, but they came down straight away.

[A]

Did you do it in the middle of the night?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Was that exhilarating?

[B]

It was a little bit. Because it spurred on a lot of other people putting flags up in the village and brought a lot of people talking about it.

[A]

Yeah. Which is the key.

[B]

And I thought that was the kind of point I was trying to make. Like, excuse me, we might all be having a lovely sunny day down here and, you know, living the dream, having picnic with your family. La, la, la. But meanwhile. But I feel there is that sort of outside out of mind thing. And I just. I did it and then I was, you know, like, afterwards, you're. Oh, I did something really naughty. I didn't mean to.

[A]

If you were caught, say, what do you. What would have been the fallout?

[B]

Probably just got told off.

[A]

Yeah. Which is fine.

[B]

Which is fine.

[A]

Do you mind being told off?

[B]

Not really.

[A]

You're fine.

[B]

Yes. That's the key daily, you know.

[A]

Who tells you off?

[B]

My boss. Yeah. Yeah. But I love him and he loves me. I can see it in his eyes, I really can. Sometimes he doesn't want to talk to me, he just wants to hold my hand and walk around the shipyard. Weird, but okay.

[A]

Is that part of the job description?

[B]

Yeah. Can you hold hands and not talk? Yeah. And once he sacked me, but apparently it was just a lover's tiff and we're not even lovers. So from then on in my contract only I'm allowed to sack myself. So I threaten all the others that I work with. Like, hang on, any minute now. There's a sacking coming my way.

[A]

I'm gonna sack myself. Any minute.

[B]

Any minute now. You watch.

[A]

Has Cornish mischief been running through you the whole way your whole life? Yeah.

[B]

And my family, I'm the youngest of four and my mom always says, problem with you is that you've got the worst of me and the worst of your dad, where the other three have got the best of both of us. So, yeah, I'm the drinking, smoking, let's jump on that boat kind of person. Where my sisters would be like, oh, have you got a life jacket? Have you told somebody? Do you have sisters?

[A]

I have. I have a half sister.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's great. But I didn't grow up with that.

[B]

I didn't really grow up mine because they're. They're older than me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so by the time I was really aware of them, they had left home.

[A]

Were you making mischief to kind of get people to notice you as a fourth child? Is that a thing?

[B]

Mine was the other way. It was if you were quiet when you're the youngest, then you got away with more because nobody. They were busy doing grown ups.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So if I sat on the corner of the stairs, I could watch all the mayhem going on, but as long as I was quiet, I'd be allowed to sit there all night.

[A]

Do you remember your first bit of mischief that you performed as a youngster? Or at least the one that stands out?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Hit me.

[B]

I'd seen on television that with hair grips that you could pick locks. So me and my friend just, you were probably about 8, just thought we'd give the next door neighbor's house a go because they weren't home. My mum caught me and we were sent round the next day when they were in to say we're really sorry. But it does work and it did work. It worked.

[A]

Did that start a lifetime of picking locks for you?

[B]

No, that was the only time that was it.

[A]

Do you remember what you found in the house once you got it?

[B]

There was a grandfather clock and it, you know, before they start chiming, they kind of go like their arms all engaged. Yeah, that happened. And that's when me and my friend ran out screaming. Yeah.

[A]

You thought someone was in the clock.

[B]

Yeah, they're coming together.

[A]

I mean, the beauty of mischief, I suppose, is that it's always on the line, isn't it? You're always pushing it a little bit and that's where the magic is. Can you think of a time you feel like you've gone past that edge and you ever so slightly regret anything mischievous? That's.

[B]

It's not a regret, but it is on the line. I grew up on the silliest. And so a group of us decided that if we pinch the police boat, which is the fastest boat on the island, they haven't got anything to chase us in. And they were standing on, basically on the bank watching us zoom off with us waving like we're just taking it for a quick, you know, spin and we'll bring it back. But that was another, mum, dad, you need to go to the police station and tell them, sorry, I won't do it again. And I didn't. And we did just take it for a quick spin and it was a really fast boat and I don't regret it.

[A]

What was it like growing up on an island? The silly isles. Isle of sillies. Silly eyes.

[B]

Silly isles. Isles silly. Silly.

[A]

So if someone's listening and they've got no idea where it is, can you tell me more?

[B]

It's about 28 miles off from Penzance by boat, just off in the Atlantic. It's a really pretty group of islands. Five inhabited, lots of tiny little ones that you can explore and stay on. And beautiful beaches, absolutely freezing water, really cold. I loved it. Do you know, I love a really quiet winter. I always felt like those secret months when you can. Everybody gets on with stuff and it's all kind of all behind doors and lots of sort of big family meals and big friends around and nobody else around, you know, like walk around the island naked. Nobody would care.

[A]

So you do that.

[B]

Never naked.

[A]

Still time.

[B]

Still time.

[A]

You get back out there.

[B]

There is always time.

[A]

When were you first kind of independent enough just to kind of go about?

[B]

I was allowed out probably all the time. But not across the main road.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it got. Probably when I was past primary school, maybe 11, I was allowed to go across the main road. So that's like a whole new world over there.

[A]

Across. What happened across the main road? Just everything.

[B]

There was a river.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's always fun. Let's imagine an 11 year old you then.

[B]

Yeah. Crying about puppies.

[A]

Crying about puppies, exactly. Let's imagine it's like a Sunday off school.

[B]

I'd have a job at 11.

[A]

Did he had a job at 11?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fantastic. What was it?

[B]

I'd have to go down to the local pub and sort all the newspapers, Sunday newspapers out and the milk, and then go into the pub, we'd have a cup of tea and then I'd put the football kit on from Saturday, wash that and then we would go off, deliver newspapers and the milk to sort of like the surrounding area, get back about 11 o', clock, get the football kit all ready, restocked the bar and then I was allowed off at 12. I get paid six pound a morning, two quid an hour. Yeah.

[A]

And you enjoyed it?

[B]

I did it for about four years.

[A]

Oh, four years, yeah.

[B]

Probably was about 10 when I started.

[A]

You were younger. Do any of those mornings stand out to you?

[B]

They were real characters, you know, sort of like proper Cornish farmers that we used to be, deliver their milk and then they would give us money to go and put a bet on the horses for them. So on the way back we would just take all the Bets. I mean, we're Talking like early 70s, you know, in Gorn. Yeah. Put money on horses for old men.

[A]

Did you remember which horses to put them on?

[B]

No.

[A]

You walk into the bookies, someone wants a horse or something.

[B]

I never went in. The landlord of the pub, he would do that, but I was always the runner, you know, he just sit in the mini while I grab the milk run. I remember one guy was called Courtney and he'd always say, do you want a sang of sponges? Well, made

[A]

you go maid. Still the heel, still the maid.

[B]

Still the maid.

[A]

What's the next level up for, mate?

[B]

Lady maid. Old maid.

[A]

Old maid. I mean, to be fair, do you think you're old? No. You're not.

[B]

No, but I think, like, I work with a young group of people and I am known here as the rude old shouty woman. Yes, I am. I am rude, I am old and I am shouty. So, yeah.

[A]

So back to the question. I was going to say, on a free day when you're 11.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On the Silly Isles, what would be a typical day? How would you entertain yourself?

[B]

Probably things like we'd go to the dump, you know, places where you're not allowed to go because it wouldn't be open at the weekend, and, like, pull things apart, like washing machines and take the glass bowls home and make big apple pies in them. Boats. Always a lot of boats just sort of rowing around, messing around, catching fish. Shrimping. Love that. Take them home. Getting the good books with parents, that kind of vibe.

[A]

So shrimps would get you points? Parent points.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Were you concerned to get those points or did you?

[B]

I think I always had them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That's called parental love, isn't it? Yeah, that is.

[A]

You're right. You should have them in the tank already. Yeah, you're right. Not everyone gets those, though, sometimes.

[B]

No. That's really sad.

[A]

Why did your parents have you?

[B]

Why do they have me?

[A]

I'm guessing my mom always tells the

[B]

story it was a wild, windy night and that she was dressed as a bunny girl. Been to a party and my dad was feeling a bit frisky. She was like 40 when she had me.

[A]

So how your mum. So you think your mum was dressed? Because that's actually quite an exceptional conception story.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why did she dress as a bunny?

[B]

Because they'd gone to a party. Because I'm end of August, so I presume it was sort of like New Year's Eve, Christmas sort of time.

[A]

What date?

[B]

End of August 25th. What year?

[A]

26th.

[B]

Virgos. Aren't we meant to be known as, like, servers?

[A]

I don't know what we are, but we're special.

[B]

We are special.

[A]

Have you got any related to conception stories? Have you conceived any of your children in interesting ways? I feel like I can ask you that question. I feel like you can cope with that. Can you cope with that? It's a compliment.

[B]

Oh. Oh, God. Probably not. You're thinking, I conceived one in Israel.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I had two of my children on silly, and one in Cornwall. And the conceiving bit, not very memorable.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. No windy. There's no wind or bunnies.

[B]

No bunnies.

[A]

What about the births? Any birth highlights of the three? What's it like to give birth? Did you enjoy it? Did you hate it?

[B]

Okay, okay, Quick fire round.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. With all three of them. Love being pregnant. Absolutely adored it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

First one obviously had no idea. People can warn you all they like about it, but really, until you do it, the penny doesn't drop. The first one, the penny dropped. I'm like, okay. So when the second one came along, I'm locked. I'm ready. I've got this few deep breaths. Twenty minutes later, out in the garden of the Cilly's hospital with my doctor, who was my best friend with a glass of champagne. And my friends were the bin men at the time, and they were yelling over the wall, big thunder baby. And it was one of those really beautiful mornings, you know, when everything's really still and the sun's coming up. And he, my son, was the easiest baby ever. In fact, slightly boring.

[A]

It's too easy.

[B]

Like, come on, do something. But he really was textbook. Boom. My third great purse. Absolute nightmare baby. I didn't need a sling or a carrier. She would just stick to my face like a little spider monkey. And if anybody looked at her, she would literally scream. And just don't try and take her off me because she will have ab dabs. But then when she could talk really, like, explain who she was, everything just slotted in place. She was fine. But that first year with her, it was a long year, you know, I barely slept. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Can you chart any of that? You know, knowing her now, can you chart any of that?

[B]

That's why spiky Scorpios. Yeah, yeah. And she is, you know, she's a strong woman.

[A]

Does she still stick to your face?

[B]

At times he's like, always like, kiss me on the lips, mummy. I'm like, stop it, you're weird. But if I don't. So now, now it's Like a family thing now on the lips, Mummy. Okay, take me back to the.

[A]

Can we whizz past it. But it was. It was the birth of your second child.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So let me get this right. In the hospital garden with your friend who was the doctor. The doctor.

[B]

I didn't have him in the garden.

[A]

And you said there was like you were drinking champagne.

[B]

Champagne during labor? No, afterwards.

[A]

Oh, afterwards. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[B]

Not during.

[A]

I thought like. Okay, okay, okay. And then the bin. You have friends with the bin?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The whole set of bin men are just one bin.

[B]

Pretty much all of them.

[A]

You were good friends with them and

[B]

they were shouting over the tiny island, you know everybody. And if you didn't go to school with them, somebody did that. You know, probably my. My sort of era with the last sort of times when people would not expected. But you, you could have your baby on silly without, you know, too much trouble and we just had a really lovely day. Just I felt like I was the only woman in the world that ever had a baby. I'm telling everybody. So when the bin man asks, so lovely. Yeah.

[A]

Have you ever been on a bin round?

[B]

I haven't, but I have spread salt on the roads and a gritter lorry once.

[A]

How come you came to do that?

[B]

Just have a friend who was doing it gritted the road and said, do you want to come out with me?

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

And so yes, I bought a little flask of whiskey, coffee with me and we just went around heavy gritting all the roads.

[A]

What did you learn from gritting roads?

[B]

Like when it's really heavy, you put more salt on the road.

[A]

Good take on. It's important we learnt that. It's important we learn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You say you're the last of a generation that could have had the kind of birth you did on the City Isles. What else did you think has been lost from your era playing outside?

[B]

I don't know. Just probably sort of more like family the generation. Because my grandparents used to come over every weekend and there would always be this massive like forget the great British Bake off. There would be like the family bake off and my gran had like a signature fork prick to everything. Every sausage roll, every scone, every cake always had. My mom had her only little, you know, three slashes with a knife and my other gran would always have to try and outdo it'd be bigger and it would come on a cake stand. But I look back on it and I remember you had to be in at 5 o' clock on a Saturday because that's When. That's when tea was up and the grandparents were there. So in you came.

[A]

Talk to me about Cornish traditions, as in any ones that you stick by or you maintain or you think you're important.

[B]

Basically, I have to have a past year week as I feel like I'm dying, something seriously wrong with me. And I do. I do have a passier week. And if I'm having a really good week, I'll have two.

[A]

Good week, is it. What about three? When you have three?

[B]

I've had two in the morning. Oh, well, never had three in a week, probably. So. I used to like the carnival, but I do understand that they can't do it anymore because of health and safety, but we all seem to survive it.

[A]

Why was it. Why is it dangerous?

[B]

Well, just eggs and throwing eggs and flour and, you know.

[A]

Sorry, just. Why are we throwing eggs?

[B]

Why not?

[A]

No, right, sorry.

[B]

We do a raft race in the village and we're not allowed to throw eggs anymore.

[A]

Sorry. Let's start again. You do a raft race?

[B]

Yeah, we build rafts. We kind of launch them in the morning high tide. We all then paddle out through the gap, get to the outer harbour, and by then everyone's lost it. You're just throwing whatever you want anyway.

[A]

So. Hang on. All these boats are sent out through the harbor?

[B]

Boats? They're rafts.

[A]

Rafts.

[B]

Everybody's built.

[A]

And you say by a certain point everyone's lost it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What, on the sidelines or on the rafts?

[B]

On the rafts more. I mean, it does. It creates a lot of people. Come and watch it.

[A]

What are people doing on these rafts? That's dramatic. Are you trying to topple the other? Are you trying to get people?

[B]

It's a race.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can have as many people as you like on that. We have tried to do the same crew for years now. There were a bunch of women and it is like two ladders strapped together with loads of cable ties and some drums underneath. And like a friend of mine, he did one. He did a vicar's tea party and put a park bench on a raft. And his secret weapon was when he turned round the turning point, they all had massive umbrellas and of course caught the wind. And they just. They just glided by on a bench. On a bench eating cucumber sandwiches. But it's a lot of fun.

[A]

Sounds amazing. What do you. What, just. What does the winner get?

[B]

The winner just gets a trophy. It's probably a Barbie doll stuck to a piece of wood.

[A]

Have you ever. Have you ever won?

[B]

Never won. Never want to.

[A]

But that's not the point.

[B]

Not the point. No.

[A]

Always the same group of women try to be.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, as. As different daughters have grown up or gone away and we've had like my granddaughter join one year, which then you feel a bit protective because it's not dangerous. But it can get a bit physical, you know, like you can fall off. Like I've ended up. Split nose, a couple of black eyes, no shoes. But it is a great day.

[A]

Oh, amazing.

[B]

Yeah. It's a lot of fun.

[A]

But that still takes place.

[B]

That still takes place.

[A]

Public safety is not done for that.

[B]

No, but we all have to sign, you know, a little waiver. But everyone's like, wow, whatever.

[A]

Waiver, waiver, whatever. So, no, there's never been a man on the. This boat.

[B]

We did do it one year. We did Greece one year and we had half a Cortina on a raft with a stereo. And we actually had music as well that year, which I think was probably one of our best ever when we got a couple of men involved.

[A]

So they needed. They needed to be. What's his face? Sand. I forgot his name now. Sandy and Danny. Danny. That's it.

[B]

The year before some. The guys made a hamster wheel. It was probably about 30 foot. A great big wooden, like if you can imagine, sort of like a paddle boat sort of vibe. That was. That was how it was meant to work. But they rolled it down the slip and it just sort of bobbed around, getting in the way of everybody.

[A]

Classic men.

[B]

Yeah, classic men. But I was really grateful because I ended up getting it and taking all the pieces and having the wood perfect. I got a field.

[A]

What are you gonna. How are you got a field?

[B]

I've got a field.

[A]

That's exciting. It is your own field.

[B]

I've got my own fields. I. I almost call myself a farmer.

[A]

Oh, God. A maid and a farmer. You got a tractor?

[B]

It's a lawn mower. A sit on.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

It's a sit on lawn.

[A]

Oh, I see. Yes, it is.

[B]

But in my mind it's a tractor. It's a tractor.

[A]

You're picturing tractor.

[B]

Yep. I don't picture. I see. I don't do. It's a tractor.

[A]

What is. You know what, what does. I mean, what's the best thing about having a field?

[B]

I'm a plant addict. So I've got about 60 palm trees up there. I planted them in a big circle and I call it palm henge.

[A]

Nice. Are they sizable enough for it to be?

[B]

They will be.

[A]

And what will you when it's proper?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On your market. Yeah.

[B]

I'll probably be dead.

[A]

That's a bummer. That's a bummer.

[B]

But my thing, I am Cornish and my kids are as well and I just want to know that when I go that they've got somewhere that they can go. It's got animals like an owl or foxes or badgers and deer and I. I've been saving all the muscle shells and I'm building a road.

[A]

You're building a road?

[B]

I'm building a road out muscle shells.

[A]

What do you mean a road to the Palm Henge?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

From.

[B]

From the gateway.

[A]

Can we call it a road? No, more of a path. Because there's a path. No, I suppose it's a road.

[B]

No, it's a road. If you can drive on it, it's a road. And even if it's not a tractor and it's a lawnmower and I'm driving that, it's all in the imagination. So got to think big.

[A]

I'm too reality small. I'm too narrow. Sorry, I need. I need to see more road. I've seen too many parts. It's a tractor. It's a road made of muscle.

[B]

It will be. And I probably got about maybe 10 ton sacks of muscle shells.

[A]

That's a lot of muscles.

[B]

It's a lot of muscles. And then I'm going to crunch them all up and then you get special sort of matting and then you whack a plate it all in.

[A]

As you know, that'd be the only muscle road going probably in Cornwall. The only muscle road in Cornwall.

[B]

Yeah. They do smell a little bit to start off with. Yeah. But we do run them through the dishwasher.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think the Romans tried to do it. They failed.

[A]

Where the Romans failed, you will succeed.

[B]

But I do think they were doing a road.

[A]

Yeah, the road.

[B]

They were really doing the road on him.

[A]

They were proper. On their tractors. Yes.

[B]

Roman's on tractors. Building roads.

[A]

You say you think you're going to be dead by the time that the Palm Henge is fully a beast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How long do you think you've got left to live?

[B]

I'm hoping for an 82. If I can get to 82, I'd be like, whoa.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Anything after that? My mum, she was 92, my grandparents

[A]

were 92, so don't do yourself down.

[B]

But I might turn vegan and you never know instantly.

[A]

100, 100, 102.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So once you're past 82, anything goes. You're Just gonna go mad.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Get bigger tractor to start.

[A]

What do you think about your own demise? I mean, what would you like? Here's a question for you. Yeah, let's imagine a funeral.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Let's imagine you're giving your. You're giving a speech, your own funeral. Oh, yeah, let's make. You've pre recorded it. You pre recorded a speech to be played at your funeral as a way of, you know, giving some, you know, I don't know, some words for the encouragement to the people listening or, or some, you know, some, I don't know, some advice for the future. What would you. What would be the how. How would that speak each go. Bit of a weird question.

[B]

That is a bit of a weird question. A bit of a long question. I've forgotten actually all about it.

[A]

I'm not good at this. I've got to make my questions. Okay, sorry, that was long. It was, that was a bit long. Okay, shortened version for you. It's your funeral.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sorry to say. 102. You became a vegan. 102.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. Before the funeral.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Someone was like. Or pre record a message. We can play this out.

[B]

Yes. Right, okay.

[A]

At your funeral.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, oh, hang on everyone, we've got a message from stranger X. Beep, beep, here it comes, here it comes. What are we saying in this message at the funeral? Your funeral?

[B]

I think don't take anything too seriously. Really, nothing is worth that amount of worry. And everything will be what it will be in the end. And you can stay up all night and bite your fingernails and be a vegan, but sadly, animals will still get eaten and you'll still be alive the next day worrying about them. Well, they've been eaten. That's not good advice, is it?

[A]

I love it. You're choosing your funeral speech to have a little dig at vegans. Just why not? You could say something to your family, you know, about how they should live without you. What the fuck you do? Stop worrying. Bloody vegans.

[B]

My family are great because they know

[A]

me, so they would find that funny.

[B]

They know. My advice, stop worrying about it. There's my mate Crabber there. You know we were talking about the dog walk in the morning.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And the same people I meet Crabber every morning.

[A]

Crabber?

[B]

Crabber, that's his nickname because he does crabs. No, he's actually, he's a butcher.

[A]

Oh, butcher. A butcher called Crabber.

[B]

Yeah. But he always gives me a bit of meat for my dog and if I don't see him, he leaves it on the wheel of my. Of my van for me.

[A]

Oh, that's.

[B]

Isn't that cute?

[A]

That is very sweet.

[B]

If I do see him, he'll give me an energy bar.

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

Thinks I'm a vegan.

[A]

Just one more question about funerals. Is there anything you'd like to happen at your funeral that doesn't normally happen at other people's funerals? Have you got any kind of funky ideas?

[B]

Yeah, this is my funky idea because I've been thinking about this firstly. But I think I might try and pull it forward before I'm dead.

[A]

Living funeral.

[B]

A living funeral ever. But I also think I want a fancy dress one. But you have to come as somebody who is already dead.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So I. I'd like a lot of sort of Elvis Presleys, but I want

[A]

full out a living funeral with dead people. People.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. Love it.

[B]

You like that idea?

[A]

I do.

[B]

And I quite like that song about Blackbird. I'll avi that one.

[A]

What's that? Sing it. Say again.

[B]

That's all I know. Blackbird. I'll avi I'm dead, so I don't need to know the words. And I'll make sure everybody knows it.

[A]

Hang on, that's not Blackbird by the Beatles.

[B]

No, but that's a really lovely song too. It is.

[A]

Tell me about the funeral. Who's your favorite thing? Dead person.

[B]

Who's my favorite dead person? Probably Prince.

[A]

Prince?

[B]

I'd love to see him straying in.

[A]

Maybe everyone can come as Prince.

[B]

Yes, that'd be fun. Yeah. But not purple. Oh, sadly I'm not a purple fan.

[A]

Oh, you hate purple.

[B]

It got passed down from my gran. It used to make her feel ill, apparently.

[A]

What the sight of purple would make.

[B]

Yes, look, she would. She was settled. It makes me feel properly when you give me a purple hot water bottle.

[A]

Oh, God. Do you have anything like that yourself?

[B]

Whether.

[A]

You just can't explain it. But you have a particular like, you know. Don't show me that. Or don't come near me with that

[B]

ketchup at work. That is one I can't. I just can't deal with it down here and there's no need. And it's quite ugly when it's left.

[A]

Did we ever need ketchup? No, I'm with you. I don't think it adds that much to anything. No, very sweet. Kind of overpowers stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I feel like it cleverly gets branded for kids.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because it's a sweet thing to go with your say. Yeah, thing. Or getting the child to eat you're trying to get kind of comes in there. Just general consciousness.

[B]

I do have no, I wouldn't say arguments. Healthy debates with parents who say that my child won't eat anything without ketchup. I don't think that's my problem, love. I think that's a new problem.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Just try telling them that is firm. No ketchup. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I really like that.

[B]

My kids would never ask.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if they got it, they'd be like, wow, Mum's in a good mood.

[A]

We're next to the place where you work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can you describe what the kind of place this is like? It's quite fun. Funky place. That's why I came down here, because I like this place so much. Should we say what it is? It's called the Muscle Shoal.

[B]

It is called the Muscle.

[A]

And where are we?

[B]

We're in Pool Evan.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

Port Evan.

[A]

Is that what we call it?

[B]

Sometimes Some people do.

[A]

No, but it is particularly. I think we're far enough away from anything that it's fine to mention it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it's. And if anyone's nearby, they should come and have a look. They might meet you as well.

[B]

To the rude Shout.

[A]

If you hear the shouty one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You'll know which one it is.

[B]

Yeah. You're there.

[A]

You were like, you were on that podcast once.

[B]

I was. I think it's just a very happy spot for a lot of people. For some reason. There's some real little magic that goes on in that shed.

[A]

Is it you?

[B]

I think it's us as a group of people together. And I don't really know how it works. Do you know, like, when we do figures of the amount of people that we serve, we think actually, you know, big, big pat on the back and it. I wouldn't say the word. Most organized bunch of people either, but maybe a lot of yelling.

[A]

A lot of yelling gets it done.

[B]

Yeah. Screaming and shouting. I do threaten burning. I've only done it once to one man and I'm sure he won't mind me today.

[A]

Burning of the food or burning the person? Burning of the person. Much better.

[B]

Never burn the person.

[A]

Much better to threaten to burn the person.

[B]

But the people that you work and I know this is, you know, people don't go to work to get burnt.

[A]

This is true.

[B]

They don't expect it either. But when I've asked him to move several times and said, I will burn you if you don't move, then it's, oh, dear, I did it. And I didn't mean to do it as bad as I did.

[A]

Oh, so you did actually burn.

[B]

I did.

[A]

Oh, you did.

[B]

He's a little Welsh guy. I burnt him on his little chubby arm just here.

[A]

What a move. With a tongue or something?

[B]

No, with a really nice hot red scallop. Ham.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The whole pan.

[B]

Well, it wasn't like a. Like, it wasn't like a flat. It was more of a sort of rim. And he was like, ow. Oh, sorry. Yes.

[A]

But it worked.

[B]

It did work. All the new people say, don't move, and they're like, okay. I was gonna. If it was summertime, I'd show you. We had a group work branding session.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. For Christmas. We thought it would be fun.

[A]

Like. Like a kind of tattoo.

[B]

Like a few rums. Like a tattoo.

[A]

What did he brand?

[B]

One of our customers bought us a pumpkin carving set with the logo and we thought if we put it in the fire, let's just see what we can do with it. And we did a few on the post and then just obviously had a couple more rubs and thought it'd be funny. It wasn't funny. We all gave ourselves blood poisoning. I couldn't even move my arms up over my head. And for some reason I've got two on my back. And so you know when you wake up in the morning and you think, oh, dear, why did I do that?

[A]

So it's permanent brand.

[B]

It is. You want a quick flash?

[A]

So let's have a quick flash, mate, while we're here.

[B]

I've got many layers on.

[A]

Okay. Should I look away?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

There. Yeah.

[A]

And the other side,

[B]

silly. Hey.

[A]

Crikey.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What do people think it is?

[B]

People thought that I had some, like. Women of my age get. Not postnatal depression. They get the menopause.

[A]

Menopause. That's the one.

[B]

They get forgetful. They thought it was some weird cups

[A]

that you have menopause cups.

[B]

I. I think that's something that people from Devon do. So, yeah,

[A]

We. When Sandy and Denny were mentioned. Not Denny.

[B]

Yes, Danny.

[A]

Danny. Sandy. Denny, of course, is a funny Danny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was going to ask you who is your first?

[B]

Did I have a Danny?

[A]

You know, your first, like romantic thing.

[B]

Valiance.

[A]

Yeah. Do you remember that kind of first one?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Can you talk to me about it? Yes.

[B]

Can I talk to you about it?

[A]

Oh, maybe not.

[B]

Probably because, you know when you're just. You're sort of like about 14 and you think, oh, boys, boys, boys. And I got invited to the scout Christmas party. Absolutely terrified because I Was like, okay, there's boys but then there's like many, many boys. But obviously there were a few other girls there, but one, they had to do a party game and one of them, I had to lie on the floor and the boy did press ups over the top of me.

[A]

Oh God.

[B]

I was terrified.

[A]

Was going sounds a lot.

[B]

Oh my God. This is like having sex. I don't know.

[A]

Is this sex?

[B]

Is this sex in the scout hall with all these people around? So yeah, that was back probably like 14, 13, 14 around there.

[A]

Okay. And then you. Did something happen with one of these?

[B]

I'm still friends with him now.

[A]

Are you? Fantastic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Does he still do the press over you or.

[B]

No, but we still know they're going to laugh about it. And he's got a third nipple on his back.

[A]

Why not? Let's jump in that little tip. Why not? Wow. What have you learned about men in your life? What have you come to?

[B]

The majority of them are really okay, but there are, I think a lot of men like to be looked after and I'd quite like to get looked after. The end. I'm tired. I'm tired of looking after men.

[A]

That was a great breakdown of. Of men.

[B]

I'm single and I've got to say it's. The one thing is everybody says oh, you know, don't you miss a partner? My. I miss somebody putting the bins out. My chance being a lot about bins, hasn't it? And rub it is that my life

[A]

is your life has been a big bin.

[B]

Going to the dump?

[A]

No. Well, dumps are great. Dumps are fun. You learned a lot in the dump.

[B]

Yeah, I did.

[A]

Cuz you said the dump made you.

[B]

Yeah, the dump did make me and I still love going to the dump.

[A]

Yeah. What did you in the dump?

[B]

I get told off for jumping in the plant skip and getting stuck in there.

[A]

What do you mean you get stuck in there?

[B]

Because they're those great big containers and.

[A]

And you just jump in now and again. What are you looking for?

[B]

Plants, obviously. And if you see a big palm tree in there, Palm henge. Palm hench is calling.

[A]

It's not going to grow itself.

[B]

No. So I jump in and try and rescue it. But I have got stuck in there once and I had to cry out for help. Cry out for help with a branch over the br.

[A]

You can't see.

[B]

You can't see.

[A]

Would you like to find a. A person. You're single but would you like.

[B]

Would I like to find one? I don't want to have to find one. I would love to think that there was somebody out there that could tolerate my erratic behavior. Even though it's not really that erratic or crazy, but just someone that you don't have to explain yourself to, that they kind of go, oh, okay, yeah. So yes, I would. And I do believe one day maybe when I'm a big girl, I'm allowed. But at the moment I just feel that I'm still too childish.

[A]

Like men my age probably think I too childish for.

[B]

I'm probably just too much for older men.

[A]

Go for a younger one.

[B]

Yeah, but they. Then they want the mom vibe.

[A]

Of course. This is why it's complicated.

[B]

Yeah. My mom always says that yours are probably up a mountain somewhere. Just, you know, like weaving snake skins or doing something.

[A]

Have you ever. Have you ever found a man up a mountain?

[B]

No.

[A]

Maybe that's what you've got to do.

[B]

I need to go get up a mountain. Yeah.

[A]

What's the most exciting place you've had sex on?

[B]

A roof.

[A]

I feel like I can ask you.

[B]

Yeah. Top of a roof.

[A]

Top of a roof.

[B]

In a tree.

[A]

I'm not the same. So this is. These are two separate events. Roof and tree, two different days.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Same man, same match.

[A]

Yeah. Because you said it very in quick successions. I thought maybe the tree was on the roof. No, no, the. It's.

[B]

I was just up there cleaning. What?

[A]

You were already up there, so I don't know how many questions I could ask now.

[B]

I was up there cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning the gutters.

[A]

And he was.

[B]

I was doing. It was a gardening job really. So there was some big bushes growing out the chimney. So I'd gone up there to do that. Thought, well, I was up there, I might as well clean the gutters.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I met a man up there.

[A]

You actually met up there or you knew. You knew?

[B]

I did know him. I think he just came to check if I was okay. And obviously I'm okay.

[A]

What's it. What's can you sell? Roof sex. Good view.

[B]

Good view for everyone. Nice and warm. It was summertime, so those like warm tiles. Yeah.

[A]

So really it's a good thing. What we're saying is if you can. Roof sex. But maybe be careful.

[B]

Yes. And maybe just wear good pumps, you know, like a good sticky sole. So you're not sliding. Cuz you know, you need to get some.

[A]

Roof sex. Lesson number one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Any other roof sex lessons there?

[B]

Oo, Good gloves.

[A]

Good gloves.

[B]

Cuz when you are sliding, you gotta hold on. You gotta hold on.

[A]

Well, this is. This. That's the first time I've ever had a roof sex conversation in my life.

[B]

I think you need to take this forward. It's a great question to ask other people.

[A]

Yeah, I mean I could ask. Was it one time? One time only. You didn't go. You didn't think of repeating it.

[B]

We did repeat.

[A]

Okay. Same roof, different roof. What was different from the second time to the first?

[B]

It was a bigger roof. More chimneys

[A]

did that. What did that mean though? More chimneys. Was that a good thing?

[B]

More sex?

[A]

What? Hang on. But why does more chimneys mean more sex? So is that. I don't.

[B]

I don't know. Just. Maybe it was more places. Yeah.

[A]

More things to hold on to.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. We did find. I don't know if it was a wasp or a bees nest on one of them, which was. That was the end of that days.

[A]

Awesome. So that's the second. And that you leave it at the. Twice. Yeah, that's it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You could have done that.

[B]

Quit while you're ahead. Where'd you go? Six chimneys and a bee's nest was enough. Let's just go inside.

[A]

We could just go inside. Fantastic. Well, that's a good. That is a good one. I mean, while we're here in the other sex on the roof. No.

[B]

Will you now give it a go?

[A]

I mean, it's. I mean if there is a roof that is. I would say I'm fairly. I'm a fairly cautious climber, so I. It would have to be a fairly steady roof.

[B]

Maybe start with a shed.

[A]

Yeah. Any other good sex places?

[B]

Any of the other good sex places on a tractor?

[A]

A tractor tractor or your famous lawnmower?

[B]

No, it was a tractor tractor. Cute little French one.

[A]

That's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In France.

[B]

No, in Cornwall. But it was a really nice experience. Yeah. In the field on a drive.

[A]

Oh, you were moving

[B]

around. The sex was fast, but the tractor was slow.

[A]

But you were moving. So. So someone was driving this tractor.

[B]

Someone was driving.

[A]

So a lot of. Quite a lot of responsibility. The old drive, driving sex at the same time.

[B]

I trusted him. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And it wasn't. It wasn't like a busy road.

[A]

Yeah, it wasn't busy, but there were other car. There were other vehicles on the road.

[B]

No.

[A]

How far do you think were you. We went all the way. No, no, not the, not the sex. I mean how. The distance on the tractor. Sorry.

[B]

It's hard to measure sex in yards or meters, isn't it? Like half a mile, maybe five miles an hour. It's like an equation.

[A]

Do you have your children with one person?

[B]

I have children with two. The first one died, sadly. He did go on to marry somebody after me.

[A]

And then he died.

[B]

And then he died. Yeah. But the second wife, we kept in contact for years and then last year she came to Cornwall and stayed and we had five days together and we ended up just being really good friends in a very strange way. And then we got a message of her son to say, I'm really sorry to tell you, but Mum died. Yeah. Just odd.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Odds that she should just die.

[A]

Maybe that's what she needed to complete the circle.

[B]

Yeah, that's what we felt.

[A]

Do you have any circles that you want to complete?

[B]

Yeah, I don't think I would say I've got anything I want to complete, but I recently just lost a really close friend and it's that importance of saying goodbye and kind of just not thinking, I'll do that in a minute or I'll bring them tomorrow or I'll go up tomorrow. It's like if you're feeling like you need to go today, go today. So, yeah, I feel that's sort of something I've learned recently. It's important to make sure, like I've always said to my kids, you know, people can get married several times and you can miss one wedding, but with a funeral you only get one chance to say goodbye. So if it's really important to you, then work will have to wait or money will find it to make sure you can go to say goodbye.

[A]

Tell me about your friend that you've just lost. If it's not too difficult. Oh, sorry, We don't have to talk about it if you don't want.

[B]

I feel like I've started and it would be disrespectful not to. He was just a great character, very flamboyant, very lovable, full of mischief. We had a lot of fun together, Just. Just gone a little bit too soon and. Oh,

[A]

But a lot of mischief was had.

[B]

Oh, so much. Yeah, I met him, he arrived on Silly as an artist in a little two man tent selling prints. And we were laughing because he ended up running this bed and breakfast. It was a massive great big building on Silly. But he was a bit of a drinker and a bit of a smoker. So he had one rule. You could only stay if you drank and smoked. There were any of these clean living people coming here. And so the actual house, it just had a really lovely happy vibe. You know, everybody went out in the evening together. We all came home Together. And we'd all have cheese on toast and have a whiskey and smoke inside and get everybody up early in the morning to take them out. So. Just a lot of fun. He was just one of those men that he could land sunny side up, even if he was knee deep in.

[A]

And you knew who was dying or was it. Was it.

[B]

Yeah, sadly I did. He's way like his partner. They live right up in the top of Scotland. And he's. He's like, I don't want you to come. And I. I didn't go. And I. I really think I should have gone. Moral of the story. Should have gone. I know.

[A]

You're a great friend.

[B]

He was a great friend.

[A]

You know, I suppose that's a job after, you know, after people die, we got to, you know, we have. While we're here, we can keep them alive, you know.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, we got. I tell. A bit of mischief that we did on City.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is when they put up the first little wind turbine over there. We hadn't put a ladder on to stop people climbing up it. So we decided that we would take our work van, about 14 of us, and then got on the van and then stood on each other's shoulders until we were tall enough to get up and then climbed on top of the wind turbine thing up there. And then of course, the next morning I thought, oh, it's my shoes. And I was like, oh, no.

[A]

Lifting the top of the turbine. So. As in what? It's spinning around?

[B]

It wasn't at the time. Yeah. They were building it.

[A]

So all on each of their shoulders.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like Wallace and Grommet or something.

[B]

It's a little bit like that. Like we can do it. We can get up there. So we all climbed up just to watch the sunrise, you know, for a different perspective.

[A]

Fantastic.

[B]

It. Yeah.

[A]

If I. If I went to your hat. If I just happened to kind of enter your house like you did when you picked the lock of the. When you were 8 and I looked around, what one object would confuse me the most, you think?

[B]

Many, I think. But probably things like, I've got a disco dolphin. Because I had a friend once that moved into my cupboard under the stairs. And when she left, she gave me. It's a fiberglass dolphin that you have in a kid's playground. And she said, I want you to have this yourself. You don't forget me. I'm like, great. What I'm going to do with that? Anyway, I've covered it. I disco balled it. So I've got a disco Dolphin. And then I've got lots of mannequin parts covered in lots of weird stuff.

[A]

Okay, mannequin parts. So not even just a full mannequin, like a leg?

[B]

Yeah, just a leg.

[A]

What's covering the mannequin's leg?

[B]

Shells. Beads, of course.

[A]

Shells?

[B]

Yeah, stones, mirrors, glitter, that sort of thing.

[A]

This is what you just do on a kind of Sunday afternoon sometimes. Just cover a mannequin's leg.

[B]

Yeah. When the dog's having a fit, then just have to do something quiet but keep busy. So I get the glue gun out and just cover mannequins and stuff.

[A]

How many mannequins you got in there?

[B]

I've got a big one called Grace Jones. She's the one I'm working on. I've got two legs.

[A]

Your friend lived under your stairs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your friend lived in your cupboard. How much space is in the cupboard?

[B]

It was enough room for a double bed. A and side table didn't have a window.

[A]

Under your stairs is enough room for a double bed?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, wow. So she was in that. She stayed in there for like probably about 10 months. She loved it and she only left cuz my daughter was coming back from Australia. So she.

[A]

So you really bonded?

[B]

Oh, for sure, yeah. She's my darling. Darling.

[A]

I've got a question about mannequins and also got a question about cooking and chefing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you are a chef.

[B]

Loosely.

[A]

Loosely. So that's your, your main job?

[B]

That's how I make my living. Yeah. I used to manage the ship and then the head chef had a bit of a meltdown. So I said, you have a week off, I'll jump in and just do sandwiches all week. You know, it's not the end of the world and I've never gone back. Just cook. Big week.

[A]

So that was how, what, what was your age then?

[B]

It was just 10 years ago.

[A]

Oh. So it's really quite. Yeah, quite new.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's exciting.

[B]

Yeah. So I, I did the ship and did the sailing club and there's a village pub over there that was going to close and so they asked if I would like to help run it. So I was like, oh, really cool, let's give it a go. So we got that up and running again and since then the pub's doing great. And then I came back to the village. One of my friends started this. He said, you want to work? And I was like, yeah, right, that's great. And here I am.

[A]

It's lovely that you can do, you can do, you know, one week somewhere can change the game without that week in the pub. You might not be here today.

[B]

Probably not.

[A]

It's just. I'm guessing there's something about being a chef you enjoy.

[B]

I think it's the arty bit. Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I mean, seafood is really simple. Keep it fresh, don't mess around with it and. Yeah. Eat out of a box.

[A]

Eat it out of a box.

[B]

Yeah. I just feel like there's something special about what goes on in shed cooking. Because it has to be simple.

[A]

I'm going to ask you three more questions and I'm going to leave you alone.

[B]

Go on.

[A]

I imagine you probably have to actually start cooking. This is one of the first strangers I've talked to when it's been raining quite a lot. Luckily, we're under an awning because it's next to the place where you work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fortunate. Anything you would like to ask yourself if you were me?

[B]

Why do you keep being such a dick? Because I am full of mischief and I did upset my boss because I sprayed you on the bar and it made him cross. I'm 56. Stop it. Do you know, grow up. But I just can't help it. I had a gold spray paint in my hand and before I knew it, I'd done it. So that was like, why do you have to do that? Other women my age don't do that.

[A]

But look, what if you want to flip this around, maybe you should be more of a dick.

[B]

Oh, I like you, Tom.

[A]

Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why stop at that?

[B]

Exactly. Like be more you or just choose your moments.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You don't have to do a dick moves all the time.

[A]

Just a dick. A dick.

[B]

A dick a day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

One daily dick.

[A]

Daily dick moment.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

A dick a day keeps the frown at bay.

[B]

Yeah, I like that.

[A]

That's what we remember.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What I like to do is get people because obviously no one can see where we are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We've got a, you know, lovely view in front of us. Can you describe what you can see and how that makes you feel?

[B]

Firstly, it makes me feel like I'm at home. I like being on the edge of the coast. I don't mind being in sand too much and I can see many boats just sitting in the sand and the seagulls. Bit of river, bit of movement of water I like. And just this really seeing the tide coming in and out. You don't feel like it really moves a lot, but when you're watching it, it moves really fast. A lot of water going in a Lot of water coming out every day. That's what I like. Like.

[A]

I like that, too. I didn't push you because you said so many exciting things. I drifted over the mannequins a bit.

[B]

I could tell you how I got them all.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I was kind of going asked you.

[B]

So it's a great little story.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm. I'm like hospitality. Everybody works their butt off, you know, and especially Christmas, New Year, you never got any time off. I had three hours. I literally raced to Penzance, look in my bag, and I've left my wallet at home. Not enough time to come back, get the wallet and go back. So I went back to the car and weirdly, I found £83.

[A]

So. £83 in the car?

[B]

In the car. So I'm thinking, got about 24 people to get presents for. Trying to work out how much that is, roughly per person. Not a great deal. Well, thankfully, I was walking past a clothing shop and they were closing down and they had for sale all the mannequins. And so I offered them 83 quid and I took as many as basically I could carry in three hours. I sent one arm to my friend because she went skiing and broke it. So I sent her just an arm in the post saying, here, you need a hand. Which really freaked her out. I've made candlesticks out of them. And so, yeah, I just did little funky things with them for my family for Christmas.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

And that's how I got my mannequins.

[A]

Whoa. That is good. Did everyone enjoy these presents? Of the bits of body parts, I don't think everybody.

[B]

I think a lot of people just thought, what do I do with a hand? I'm sadly, my friends have. Have her leg check. Chopped off. So I gave her a leg.

[A]

I can see a theme now. If you've got some kind of condition, you'll send them the part.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How does she feel about getting the leg?

[B]

She has got a great sense of humor, but I. I drilled holes in it and then planted it up with succulents. A little bit of style there. When I went around to see and it was hanging outside her house. Oh, she's okay about that.

[A]

I think with great presence. You've got to. You've got to take the old risk.

[B]

You do. Yeah.

[A]

He's got to be. I like the whole point. Point of giving a gift, it's a bit of jeopardy. So well done.

[B]

Thank you. I was brave.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I think that's what That's. That's how you win.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe not last. I asked this question to everybody at the end. You can either answer this in a kind of now way or general way, or both.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What are you, stranger?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Going to do next?

[B]

Probably make some people's lunch.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're gonna love it.

[B]

I'm gonna make lunch for people. Check on in the cheese, Chef. One. What is it? Oh, one big check. So I am going to make people's lunch, and then I'm going to stay here until the end of the day and do it all again. We're looking for staff. If anybody wants a job.

[A]

Come on down.

[B]

Come on down.

[A]

Thank you very much.

[B]

No, thank you very much. Really lovely to meet you.

[A]

I've really enjoyed talking to you.

[B]

I'd set my Wednesday up proper.

[A]

Proper good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Proper bo.

[B]

Not even have a pasty to celebrate.

[A]

Yes. Three a week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Through record.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Goodbye.

[B]

Goodbye. Sa.