#231 | How to Get Unstuck from Decision Paralysis as a Highly Sensitive Person and Avoid Overwhelm

Summary

Podcast Summary: Episode #231 | "How to Get Unstuck from Decision Paralysis as a Highly Sensitive Person and Avoid Overwhelm"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
• Host: Todd Smith, Founder of True Inner Freedom
• Release Date: May 16, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode #231 of "Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP)," host Todd Smith delves into the pervasive issue of decision paralysis among highly sensitive individuals. This episode is designed to help HSPs understand the underlying causes of their indecisiveness and equip them with practical strategies to navigate decisions without succumbing to overwhelm or regret.

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Understanding Decision Paralysis in HSPs

1. Three Hidden Reasons HSPs Struggle with Decision Paralysis

Todd Smith identifies three primary factors contributing to decision paralysis in highly sensitive people:

a. Fear of Negative Outcomes

• Explanation: Highly sensitive individuals are exceptionally attuned to potential negative consequences, both in their personal experiences and in others' emotions.
• Quote: “We naturally have this fear of a negative outcome because the chances of us going down and not having a good experience are high.” (01:41)
• Impact: This fear drives HSPs towards perfectionism, causing them to meticulously weigh every possible outcome to avoid mistakes.

b. Desire to Please and Avoid Conflict

• Explanation: HSPs often prioritize harmony and fear interpersonal conflicts, which can complicate decision-making processes.
• Quote: “When you're afraid of doing it wrong, decision making becomes very, very stressful.” (04:35)
• Impact: The pressure to meet others' expectations or avoid criticism makes decisions feel more burdensome.

c. Over-Processing Every Option

• Explanation: The tendency to analyze every detail exhaustively can lead to analysis paralysis.
• Quote: “Analysis paralysis... it happens with HSPs very easily when we're trying to make decisions from our intellect.” (05:45)
• Impact: Continuous parsing and re-parsing of options prevent finalizing decisions, leading to stagnation.

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Strategies to Overcome Decision Paralysis

2. Gently Getting Unstuck: Tools and Techniques

Todd introduces several tools to help HSPs move past decision paralysis:

a. Shift to Making Aligned Choices

• Concept: Instead of striving for the "right" choice, focus on what feels most authentic and true in the present moment.
• Quote: “What feels most true to me right now.” (07:04)
• Benefits: This approach reduces pressure, honoring current values and circumstances, and allows for adjustments over time.

b. Creating a Pressure-Free Pause

• Technique: Allow yourself time away from the decision without pressure to decide immediately.
• Quote: “Take a break and see what happens without the pressure.” (09:45)
• Benefits: Time away enables subconscious processing, often leading to clearer insights upon return.

c. Using the Three Column Clarifier

• Method: A journaling tool where you divide a page into three columns: fears, hopes, and deep truths.
• Quote: “In column one, write what I'm afraid of if I choose X.” (11:24)
• Benefits: This structured approach helps externalize thoughts, providing clarity beyond just a pros and cons list.

d. Calm State Decision Making

• Approach: Make significant decisions only when in a calm and grounded state.
• Quote: “Make decisions in a calm state only.” (13:28)
• Benefits: Reduces stress-induced rash decisions, allowing for more thoughtful and aligned choices.

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Preventing Future Decision Overwhelm

3. Five Practical Ways to Reduce Decision Overwhelm

Todd outlines actionable strategies to minimize future instances of decision paralysis:

a. Simplify Low-Stake Decisions

• Action: Automate routine decisions, such as meal planning or daily attire.
• Quote: “Taking some of those off of our plate... free up bandwidth.” (12:36)
• Outcome: Conserves mental energy for more significant decisions.

b. Establish a Calm State Only Rule

• Action: Commit to making important decisions only when rested and calm.
• Quote: “Make big decisions when you're in a calm place.” (13:05)
• Outcome: Enhances decision quality by leveraging a clear and peaceful mindset.

c. Limit External Input

• Action: Restrict the amount of advice or opinions from others to avoid external pressure.
• Quote: “Too much input can actually cause us to get overwhelmed.” (14:30)
• Outcome: Preserves personal clarity and reduces the burden of balancing multiple perspectives.

d. Adopt Temporary Yes or Provisional No

• Action: Give yourself permission to test decisions temporarily before committing fully.
• Quote: “Try a temporary yes or a provisional no and give yourself permission to test drive a decision.” (15:25)
• Outcome: Lowers the fear of making irreversible mistakes, allowing for experiential learning.

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Conclusion

In this episode, Todd Smith comprehensively explores decision paralysis as a significant challenge for highly sensitive people. By identifying the fear of negative outcomes, the desire to please, and the tendency to over-process, he provides a nuanced understanding of the problem. More importantly, Todd equips HSPs with practical tools and strategies—such as making aligned choices, implementing the three column clarifier, and simplifying low-stake decisions—to navigate and overcome indecisiveness effectively.

Final Thoughts: “Giving yourself time to make decisions, aligning choices with your true self, and reducing unnecessary decision-making burdens are key steps towards achieving emotional balance and inner freedom as a highly sensitive person.” (17:19)

Todd encourages listeners to implement these strategies to transform their decision-making processes, ultimately leading to a stress-free and balanced life.

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Additional Resources:

• Visit: trueinnerfreedom.com
• Action: Complete the HSP Stress Survey to gain clarity on your stress triggers.
• Offer: Enjoy a free 15-minute Inner Freedom Call designed to guide you towards lasting inner peace and fulfillment.

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This summary encapsulates the key discussions and insights from Episode #231, providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven't listened.

Transcript

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By the end of this episode, you'll discover why decision paralysis happens for hsps and how to move through it without overwhelm, pressure, or regret. Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive.

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People, a podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm.

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Eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I'm your host, Todd Smith, a facilitator.

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Of the work of Byron Katie, a.

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Way to question and reduce stressful thoughts.

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And you guessed it, I'm a highly sensitive person myself.

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In this episode, you'll discover the three hidden reasons highly sensitive people struggle with decision paralysis. How to gently get unstuck using tools.

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Like the three column clarifier and calm.

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State decision making, and five practical ways to reduce decision overwhelm before it even starts. Have you ever spent hours or days or even years agonizing over a decision, running through every possible outcome and still feeling unsure? If so, you're not alone. As highly sensitive people, we can fall into this trap. And I know myself, I've done this many times. So why do we, as HSPs get stuck in decision paralysis? There can be several reasons for this. The first is a fear of negative outcomes. We, as highly sensitive people are sensitive.

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To negativity, things not going the way we would like them to, and other people's negative emotions not getting what we want.

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We can fall into that because we're so susceptible.

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You know, this differential susceptibility that we often talk about with hsps, where in good environments we do really, really well, in tough environments, we do less well than other people do.

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So we naturally have this fear of.

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A negative outcome because the chances of us going down and not having a.

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Good experience are high. And so it's natural for us to want to avoid that.

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And for that reason, we tend towards perfectionism. We tend towards looking for at our decision making very carefully to try to avoid that.

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Now, on the one side, this is a really good thing because it allows us to see into things, to see.

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Into the future, to make critical decisions and weigh a lot of consequences very carefully.

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And that's our strength as highly sensitive people. But it can also tie us in knots when we're dealing with complex issues.

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And we're not really clear about what.

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The right decision would be.

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So fear of negative outcomes is something I think everyone deals with when they're making decisions. We want to make the right decision.

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We don't want to make the wrong decision.

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What that means is we want to have a positive outcome and not a negative outcome. And what that really means is we want to Have a positive experience, like internal experience is really what we're all, you know, what we all really care about. And so we want to have a positive experience. We don't want to have a negative experience.

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So even small decisions can feel really.

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Weighty when you've got all this pressure, almost without knowing it, of trying to.

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Make sure that it's the best possible.

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Outcome and trying to avoid something negative.

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Another reason, which is very similar to this, of why we get stuck in decision paralysis is the desire to please and to avoid conflict.

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So there's an outcome which we could say is negative, but then there's the, the interpersonal negative outcome, like when somebody.

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Gets mad at us or somebody gets.

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Upset with what we did, or we.

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Get criticized as a result of making a decision.

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These are things that can really get.

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To us as HSPs, and we try to avoid them. And it's fine to try to avoid them. It's just that.

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Notice how this makes it harder to.

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Make a decision because there's this pressure. Better not do it wrong.

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When you're, when you're, you can't. When you're afraid of doing it wrong.

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Decision making becomes very, very stressful.

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If there's a way to find that.

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Making the right decision and making the.

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Wrong decision are both equally okay from.

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A broader perspective, it takes the pressure.

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Off of making decisions.

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And this is one of the ways.

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That we can get more comfortable with making decisions without worrying about these negative consequences as much. But it's a natural part of decision.

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Making, and it certainly comes into play with hsps because of our, the way we pay attention to detail. Another reason why we get stuck in decision paralysis is that we tend to.

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Look very closely at all the details. You know, that idea of making a.

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List of pros and cons, well, we're, we do that in spades. We can make a list of pros.

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And cons, and then we can go.

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Deeper and find the finer versions of those pros and cons.

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And we can, you know, it. In the end, it can end up.

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Being a stalemate because it's never done.

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Oh, well, I haven't thought about that.

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Oh, wait a minute. This should be a factor as well.

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And, and then you weigh them against each other. And my goodness, this is what they say, analysis paralysis. And it, it happens with HSPS very easily when we're trying to make decisions from our, from our intellect, from our reasoning, which is an important part of making decisions. But it still is, it's difficult because it's kind of infinite. You can just keep parsing and parsing and parsing, and it can become very difficult to come up with a final decision.

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In my experience, decisions are actually made from the heart.

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They're not made from the intellect.

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Intellect is there to inform and to.

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Give lots of knowledge and information. But it's something inside that says, yeah, I'd like to go this way, or no, I'd like to go this way.

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When I get in touch with that.

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Then that's when decisions start becoming easier. So let's look at how to get unstuck. When you get into decision paralysis, one.

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Thing that can help is to shift the goal from trying to make the right choice, which is what we normally.

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Try to do, to trying to make an aligned choice. In other words, instead of asking, what's.

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The best decision I can make, it's more like what feels most true to me right now.

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And this can honor where we're at, which is maybe not as far down the road as we may want to put ourselves, but it can honor our current values, our current level of energy, our current situations and circumstances, our current.

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Level of knowledge and understanding about something.

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And if we are making or looking for an aligned choice, that's a much.

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More doable kind of thing than trying to make this absolute right choice. And normally what happens to me is I'll start by trying something, and this is my best guess, like, okay, this.

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Is my best choice given where I'm at and what feels right to me.

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Given the knowledge that I have.

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And then I'll make that decision and. And then with time, I may learn.

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That there's an even better choice, and.

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I may refine that decision and there may be even better.

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And it's a constant process of choosing and then re choosing and then re choosing. We tend to get locked into this idea that there's one chance I have to make this decision right now, and.

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If I don't make it the right one now, I'm stuck with that for life. Now, there may be a few decisions.

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That that is true about, but most.

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Decisions tend to be like, okay, let's get going in the right direction, and.

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Then let's adjust, and then adjust and adjust and adjust. So aligning with myself where I am right now will get me at least.

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Moving, and then we can see where.

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We go from there. Another thing that can help if you get stuck with decision paralysis is to create a pause for yourself without any pressure. When I'm trying to make a decision under pressure, it leads to more stress.

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And when my brain gets stressed or.

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My emotions get stressed, my creativity goes down, my ability to see clearly goes.

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Down, my cognitive ability fails in a.

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Way because I'm in this stress reaction.

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I'm pulling back, I'm under duress and so I don't see things as clearly. I make more rash decisions and it's.

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Just not conducive to looking deeply at things.

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So by taking a pause and backing.

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Off of the pressure and just saying.

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You know what, I don't have to.

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Do this right now. What if I take a break from this?

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Even it's like a five or ten.

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Minute break or a few hours break.

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Or if you have the luxury, you.

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Know, a day break or a few.

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Days break, this can give you a chance to just not think about it. And what I find happens is my subconscious just keeps working on it and with, without any pressure. And when I come back to making.

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The decision, it's like, almost like it.

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It kind of comes together, it becomes clear.

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So time giving myself time is probably.

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My biggest asset when it comes to.

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Making decisions, my biggest tool.

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When I have something important to decide on, I will kind of pose it as a question to myself like what is the.

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What is the. What would be a good direction to go in here?

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And it's this open ended question and I may brainstorm in it for a little while and then I leave it and I will go away, work on other things, go take, take care of my life, you know, and, and then.

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Give it a day, give it a two days, give it a three days.

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As long as I need or as long as I have and then see.

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What happens and I'll come back and.

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Check on it every once in a while.

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Is there a decision ready yet?

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Oh no, not yet. And then it's amazing what comes out of that without the pressure. And if necessary I actually ask for more time just if it's possible so.

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That I can allow that to happen within myself. Another tool that you can use to get unstuck when you're dealing with decision paralysis is a fun little thing journaling.

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Tool called the three column clarifier. And basically in column one you write what I'm afraid of if I choose X. You know what I'm afraid of if I choose X is and you write it down and then column two is what I'm hoping for if I choose X and then you write that down and then what I know down deep, which is asking yourself for something outside of the box.

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What is the.

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What is my truth?

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What is what feels right?

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Getting more in touch with the feeling.

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Not just with the intellectual values of it. So it's something you can play with.

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You can use other variations of this, but the idea is to look at your fears, write them down, look at.

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Your desires, your hopes, write them down.

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And look at what you know down deep and write that down and then.

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Get that all on the page instead of just this list of pros and cons. So now let's turn to tips for avoiding future overwhelm when deciding on something and how to avoid this paralysis in the future.

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One thing that can help is to.

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Simplify low stake decisions.

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That means there's a lot of clutter.

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That can be created in our minds. If we're making little decisions about meals.

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And clothing and scheduling all the time.

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That eats up our bandwidth for making decisions about things that truly matter.

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So taking some of those off of our plate either by, by giving that responsibility to someone else or by putting.

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It into a routine so that it's.

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Just, no, I'm going to be wearing this today and I know this is.

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The next thing I'm going to be eating.

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Like those things can free up bandwidth.

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For other decisions that we make later. Another thing that can help to prevent.

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Decision paralysis is to create a kind.

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Of rule for yourself where it's like, I make decisions in a calm state only and the big decisions.

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And so that means when I'm grounded, when I'm rested, when I'm in a calm state, not when I'm anxious or overstimulated. And this gives again us the chance.

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To take more time with decision making and to give ourselves the chance to.

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Let things percolate and then have answers come up from deep within us rather than pushing ourselves to some meet some exterior, you know, need or some time.

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Deadline that we put on ourselves.

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Another thing that can help with preventing paralysis is to limit your input from others about making a decision. We as HSPs resonate with other people and we can end up getting really understanding other people's perspectives very easily and.

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It can sometimes blur our own perspectives. I mean, it's great to have one or two trusted people to consult with.

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About something, but too much input can.

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Actually cause us to get overwhelmed. Because now we're not only trying to.

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Decide, but we're also trying to balance the feelings of everybody that we are consulting with. And we're trying to look, you know.

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All, there's a thousand different things we're trying to balance. The decision is getting harder rather than easier.

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Ultimately, like I said, it's me getting.

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In touch with my own heart is where the decision actually makes is made.

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And so if I can just close.

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The doors a little bit and look.

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Inward, that is often where the clarity comes most, most predominantly from the inside. And then finally, one other thing that can help you prevent getting overwhelmed by.

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Making decisions is to try a temporary.

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Yes or a provisional no and give.

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Yourself permission to test drive a decision with an option to change. So like I'll try this for two weeks and then reassess. This takes a lot of pressure off.

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And it can make you feel like.

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Okay, I'm just going to actually see instead of having to know in advance. As highly sensitive people, we are really good at knowing in advance, but.

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There'S.

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No substitute for actual experience and we can't really know everything in advance.

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So having this little testing period can.

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A great way to not only make better decisions based on experience, based on.

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Data in a way, but it also.

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Takes this pressure off and we can.

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Just try it and say, okay, well, we'll see. In this episode we looked at the.

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Three hidden reasons highly sensitive people struggle with decision paralysis. And we saw that one of them is the fear of negative outcomes. Another is the desire to please or avoid conflict. And the third is over processing every option. Just being aware of these can make a big difference because when you catch.

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Yourself getting caught in that, then you can back out a little bit. And as always, I always love taking.

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These kinds of situations to inner inquiry.

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Where I can actually question my fears and see if I can get a little wiggle room there instead of being completely driven by them.

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We also looked at how to gently get unstuck using tools like the three column clarifier and calm state decision making.

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And it just is a matter of.

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Playing with other ways of making decisions.

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And not just thinking I've got to.

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Make the decision, but thinking about giving.

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Yourself time, thinking about what you know deep down, thinking about making an aligned.

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Choice instead of just making a right choice. And these can often loosen the pressure.

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Of being trying to make the perfect decision.

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And then finally we looked at five practical ways to reduce decision overwhelm before it even starts.

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And we saw that some of those.

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Are simplifying low stake decisions. Everyday decisions, take them off your plate. If you can make it a routine.

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Or give it to someone else.

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Create a calm state only rule where.

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You just make big decisions when you're.

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In a calm place. Limit input from others to avoid overwhelm and try a temporary yes or a.

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Provisional no so that you don't have.

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To make the perfect decision from the get go. So these are just a few ideas to play with.

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I hope you enjoy them and I.

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Look forward to another episode soon. In the meantime, have a great rest.

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Of your day.

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Dreaming of a stress free balanced life. Visit truinnerfreedom.com and complete the HSP Stress Survey.

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Gain clarity on your stress triggers and Enjoy a free 15 minute inner freedom call designed to guide you towards lasting inner peace and fulfillment.