← Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
#300 | Why Making Decisions Feels So Hard as an HSP & the One Strange Strategy That Will Finally Make It Feel Easy
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Are you a Highly Sensitive Person under stress? Find out—take the free test at https://trueinnerfreedom.com/ Are you overthinking every little decision — and feeling exhausted by it? If you're a highly sensitive person (HSP), decision fatigue...
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By the end of this episode, you'll discover how to make more effortless decisions as a highly sensitive person.
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Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, a podcast helping HSPs avoid, overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I'm your host, Todd Smith, a facilitator of the work of Byron Katie. A way to question and reduce stressful thoughts. And you guessed it, I'm a highly sensitive person myself.
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In this episode, you'll discover why HSPs tend to get stressed with decision making. The one strange strategy that can make decisions easier and three other ways to reduce stress when making decisions. This is an edition of Strategy Fridays where we think about specific things you can do to help manage stress as a highly sensitive person. A year ago, I made a decision to focus specifically on HSPs. Here's how I got there. At that time, I was noticing that it was hard to know who I was talking to when my audience was completely undefined. I was addressing everyone, and it's just hard to know who you're talking to. So I wanted to narrow it down. And I also didn't know quite how to do that. So I asked myself, who am I best equipped to serve? And I considered a number of different options. One area that came to mind first was spiritual people, and that appeals to me. Then I found that still kind of broad and hard to define. And then I looked at people who had different difficult relationships, you know, like difficult relationships with their partners or with other people. And. And that seemed like more specific, could be interesting, but it still didn't quite feel right. Like I could see myself 10 years from now, and I'm like, do I want to still want to be doing that? And I was like, nah, not really. And then I asked myself, what do I actually do? What do I do? How do I serve? And it was very clear. It's like, I help people with stress. That's what I do. That's what I've been interested in my whole life. And that's where my training is as well. And so you can see what I was doing. I kept asking myself questions and I asked myself who would be most interested in stress management. And over time, took days, weeks, really. Months, actually a couple months. It dawned on me that to think about hsps, first of all, I'm one, and secondly, they're some of my favorite clients. They're conscientious, they're willing to put in the work to do things, to actually change. And they're thoughtful, kind, and they're Interested in depth. And all of those things are very appealing to me. When I think about working with HSPS 10 years from now, I think, yeah, I'd still love to do that. That would be exciting for me. And the work of HSPS is my work. So we kind of work in parallel here. I do my work and it supports you, you do your work and it supports me. And so this was the process of me narrowing down to end up focusing. Now I work only exclusively with highly sensitive people. This process took a couple of months. This is a process of making a decision. But because I took my time with it and I found what made sense to me, what felt right to me, I still feel the alignment I felt on that day, when I finally dawned on me to look at hsps, I still feel that today, this is a year later. So that's the power of allowing time for answers to emerge. So why do HSPs tend to get stressed with decision making? I think the first thing to consider is that we are wired to take into account many different factors when making decisions. That is, in a way, our strength, but it also can make it challenging. We notice things that others don't. We pay attention to a lot of different subtle points, and not only that, we see the connections between those data points and we have the ability to process all of that deeply and arrive at an optimal solution. Now, we have this skill for a reason. It's our gift. It's what allows us to create order out of complex situations. So if there's a need for some kind of just really thought through decision to be made, an HSP is the ideal person to do that. The problem is that there are many, many, many decisions that we all have to make. And because of this tendency, this nature that we have as highly sensitive people to process deeply and to take into consideration all the factors, we can end up getting overwhelmed very easily because each decision ends up taking longer than the average person because of the way that we're wired. This is called decision fatigue. And it's a kind of overwhelm that we HSPs tend to know well. And it's something that is worth paying attention to when we are looking at stress management. The result of decision fatigue is that our energy gets drained, or worse yet, we get stuck trying to optimize one decision and seeing all the future ramifications and, and we can't actually rest until we resolve it. And so this makes it stressful, it makes us caught there. It may affect our sleep, our ability to relax. We may get caught into A kind of perfectionistic loop where we're trying to find the optimal solution. And it's a tough problem, it's going to take time, and that can keep us on edge and keep us from being able to be our best. So here's one I say kind of strange strategy that I think will make sense to you for making decisions easier. There are many decisions for reducing or, sorry, many strategies for reducing decision fatigue. But my favorite one is simply this. Stop gathering more data. Of course, gathering more data is great. It's what we do. I just said that. But there's a limit and everything has to be done in balance. And what happens is for highly sensitive people, we tend to err on the side of gathering more data, gathering extra data. And so coming back to gathering a little less can actually be coming back to balance. This includes asking people. And I think this is a big area where bouncing things off of others is going to give more permutations and more different opinions and points of view that now need to be integrated. And that can be confusing. It has its value. Don't get me wrong. I love asking other people their opinions because that's how I get more possibilities. But if I do that too much, it can just be too many possibilities and it can be overwhelming and it can actually grind the whole process to a halt. And same goes with research, like researching online, researching in books, researching with AI, researching in any way, shape or form. This adds more data, which is great in many respects, but if you have too much, you can end up getting lost in that data. So this is a question of like not losing the forest and getting lost in the trees. Instead, what I encourage you to do is ask questions to yourself, just like I did with coming to this decision that I was describing. And then look inward instead of outward. Look inward and then notice what you feel. What you feel is actually what we often overlook when we're trying to make a decision based on external data or different people's opinions. When you turn inward and you notice what you feel, you'll find three different kinds of feelings. One, one stressful feelings, the other kind of attached feelings, where it's may even be a positive thing, but you're really wanting it, wanting it really badly, but you're attached. And the other, and there may even be a desperation in that. And then the other are more neutral feelings which just have kind of a quiet leaning or a quiet pull. So when you see these three types of feelings, the stressful ones are ones that you can question or just leave to the side. Basically, the stressful ones tell you where you're kind of stuck there or where you're getting a bias in the, in the mix. Likewise the attached type of feelings where you really want something or you're really desperate to get something. Those also have a bias and they don't really, they're not usually very reliable when it comes to decision making. But the neutral ones, the quiet ones, the ones that are just sitting there, barely noticeable, just the finest feeling, those are the ones that I, if I can find, those are the ones that I listen to. So this turns the direction inward instead of having it always being outward. What happens if it stays outward? We end up gathering more and more information and, and this actually makes the decision harder because now we have more data to process. And when we keep asking more research questions, we start getting more data and more data and it becomes harder and harder to find a direction, a decision. And this becomes even more when you're involving other people, because then there's the social aspect as well, of, you know, will they like it if I don't follow their advice? You know, like that throws in another bias or maybe they know more than me and there's that little concern there. So these are things that can slow down the decision making process. So yes, we do consider everything that is a gift. And the problem is it can't be the leading edge. Considering the ramifications is good for following up. But we have to lead with our hearts, with our feelings, and that comes from looking inward. It's like if you think of getting a Christmas tree through a doorway, if you've ever done that, there's two ways you can do that. First is put the top in first, like the tip of the tree at the top of the tree. Bring that in first. And then what happens is all the branches start getting, rubbing against the door and bending backwards and like things are breaking off, needles are falling down on the floor, it's a big mess. Or the other way is to turn it around and bring it with the bottom first, like the, the trunk of the tree at the very base and then pull it through that way and it comes through much easier because the center of the tree is the central point connecting all of the branches. And if you pull that, all the branches come through nicely. Same thing when we're making decision. The feeling, that little subtle nudge on the inside is the central point. And then all of the reasons and data and information connects to that. But as an after, like it's an afterthought, it's a Secondary part of it. So if you focus on the inside first, you'll find that the, the outside lines up much more easily. And you'll notice if something isn't correct, then the outside isn't lining up quite right too. So, okay, take a look at that. So I also mentioned three other ways to reduce pressure when making decisions, and I want to mention those as well. The first is to give yourself time. And this is essential. I don't make decisions quickly. I can't even control how quickly I make a decision. I ask and I wait and I let it percolate. And it might be an hour later, it might be a day later, might be years or months later. What I like to check is what feels expansive versus what feels contracting. And then follow that. This is that quiet. I'm looking for that quiet truth inside. It's kind of intuition. Following that and allowing it. Time really works for me. Another thing is that not every decision has to be optimized. And this is really important because I know when I was growing up and I was in school, I just believed, and maybe it was true, that I had to do all of the assignments that the teachers gave and they were all important. So I never really learned prioritization. I just thought you have to do it all. So just start with the first one randomly and just stay up as late as you have to to finish all of them. And this is not an effective way of living life because not all decisions are as important. And so there's a time for spreadsheets and, and looking deeply and really analyzing a situation. And there's a time to ditch those spreadsheets and just make a quick decision. So treating everything as equal priority is actually a formula for overwhelm. More important is to find out what is the highest priority, focus on that, give that more time, and then make other priorities or other things that are less priority. Give them less time and that means less analysis. And then finally build systems and routines. This is really important for me anyway to take decision making out of some of the everyday things like what clothes am I going to wear? Well, you know what, I have a stack of shirts, I have a stack of shorts or pants. And I'm like, okay, this is the next one coming up. Let's see. As long as it's not a super clash. I'm going to put this shirt with this, with these pants and I don't have to think much about it or what's for lunch? Well, I'm going to rotate the vegetables, I'm going to rotate the, the lentils and I'm going to change a few things here and there, but basically I eat pretty much the same and it, it like takes the decision making. I know, okay, I'm going to do this, then this, then this, then this. Or. When am I going to meditate? Well, I have it in my calendar. For me, it's every Tuesday, Friday and Sunday and it's just, there's an hour blocked off. That's when I'm going to do it. When am I going to meditate? There's a time there. When am I going to go to bed? There's a time there. Having these decisions made by having routines leaves room for mulling over the important decisions. My brain isn't used thinking and trying to figure out how to optimize these smaller things. And it is free to work on the bigger issues for the bigger decisions. So the feeling I'm left with today is that decisions are made with the heart, not with the mind. In the ancient Indian system of medicine called Ayurveda, they have something called sadaka pitta, which is the, the heat, the pitta in the heart. And one of the symptoms of having that particular part of the body out of balance is that it's hard to make decisions. So if you notice that there's some difficulty making decisions, then pay more attention to your heart. You know, one of the prescriptions for Ayurveda is go out and look at the stars. Go out, find the expanse in the sky, connect to your heart more. In this episode, we looked at why HSPs tend to get stressed with decision making. And that is because we by nature take into account everything we try to do that at least, and we are aware of so many different points that need to be considered, that the decision can be a bigger job for us than for other people. Then we looked at the one strange strategy to make decisions easier, and that is to look inward and to ask yourself questions and listen to your feelings and pay attention. Because those feelings can lead you in directions that are really intuitive, really aligned, and can connect you with your own energy instead of leaving you overwhelmed with too much analysis. And then finally, we looked at three other ways to reduce the pressure when making decisions. One is to give yourself time. Another is not to optimize every decision. And the last is to build systems and routines so that you take the decision making out of everyday things. So thanks for listening. It's always great to explore with you. This program comes out three times a week on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Join me next time for Breakthrough Mondays, where I share success stories and helpful insights for highly sensitive people on the path towards inner freedom.
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Tired of feeling overwhelmed by everything all at once? Take the HSP stress test@trueinnerfreedom.com youm'll also find a link in the show notes.
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The test will reveal your unique sensitivity.
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Profile, including how your nervous system naturally responds to stimulation, emotions, social energy, and more. You'll also gain a clearer picture of how stress might be amplifying that sensitivity. Take the HSP Stress Test now. It's a powerful first step on your journey to true inner freedom.
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Sam.