← Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
#328 | "Why Can't I Just Handle What Everyone Else Can?" A Common Thought for Highly Sensitive People (and What to Do About It)
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By the end of this episode, you'll discover how to break free from the painful thought, why can't I just handle what other people can and start honoring your sensitivity instead? Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, a podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I'm your host, Todd Smith, a facilitator of the work of Byron Katie, a way to question and reduce stressful thoughts. And you guessed it, I'm a highly sensitive person myself. In this episode, you'll discover why using earplugs or any HSP tool can secretly trigger shame, even when these tools actually help. The quiet heartbreak of feeling like the world isn't built for you and trying to hide it. And the surprising mindset shift that can help you stop apologizing for the tools that keep you grounded. This is an edition of Breakthrough Mondays, where I share success stories and helpful insights for highly sensitive people on the path towards inner freedom. Have you ever felt embarrassed for needing earplugs just to walk into a store? Maybe you've avoided home goods or Target because the lights and sounds make you feel like you're unraveling. Have you ever felt deep down that you're ashamed that this is your reality? Maybe you carry earplugs in your bag and you use them like armor and then if you forget them, you end up avoiding going in and as you turn away, you feel this shame or anger at your sensitivity. Or maybe you wear your earplugs and you remember them but you feel like everyone is looking at you. Like there's a self conscious feeling as you're walking through the aisles and there's a. A desire to hide it, maybe cover them or take them out or something like that. Or maybe you find yourself walking out of stores that you used to enjoy because your system is simply screaming, get me out of here. You know, when I was living in the ashram back in the late 90s, early 2000s, we. It was about the time when Walmarts were just getting, you know, kind of taking over. And we used to go every once in a while down the mountain to the Walmart and it was like what we called it, the prana free zone. I still love that word. It was, it was described it so perfectly. Prana is like life force or energy or breath. And there was none of that. As soon as you walk into that store. It was just like the fluorescent lights and the, the, the smell of all the plastics and things in there. It just made me want to get out of There, and the overwhelm of all the different aisles and everything. The contrast was huge compared to living in a quiet ashram meditating all the time. So maybe you find yourself always scanning for quiet low sensory environments and this can be a good thing. But do you feel like your world is shrinking because of it? Do you feel sadness because of it? Do you feel anger? Or do you judge yourself and feel ashamed? Or worse yet, have you ever tried to tough it out? Like go into one of those stores with no real protection and leave in tears or with a migraine or totally depleted? The thing is, you don't just feel sensitive. That's one thing. Sensitivity is not the problem here. It's this judgment that comes in of I feel weak or there's something wrong with me. And you can start asking yourself, why can't I just handle what everyone else can? This comparison is what can deplete your energy faster than the prana free zone in the Walmart. If you start judging that there's something wrong with you and start comparing yourself to others or comparing yourself to your own self when you were younger, you know we have much more energy and can put up with things when we're younger. Then you end up losing again and again in that comparison and you start feeling heavy and and sad. It's like wearing an invisible weighted vest. At first you just don't know what's going on. You just feel tired. Why am I so tired? Everyone else is walking around easily, running errands, chatting, going about their day and what's wrong with me? But no one sees that you're carrying something that they're not. This is that constant weight of self doubt or self judgment or shame for being sensitive. And we've been taught to be ashamed of being sensitive. So it's no doubt it's no surprise that we would have it. But when you're wearing it, it feels like this weighted vest. And it takes effort to do everything. Decisions feel heavier and because it's invisible, you probably think that it's you. But what's really dragging you down is the shame of feeling different, not the sensitivity. It's a really important point. It's not the sensitivity that is dragging you down. Sure, you can get to overwhelm quicker because of sensitivity, but what adds on top of that is the stress of feeling like there's something wrong with you or feeling like you shouldn't be this way. So avoiding stores may sound like a small thing, but how many life experiences are you missing because of this combination of sensitivity and then Shame about it. How much time do you spend planning your life around minimizing discomfort instead of maximizing shame joy? Sometimes I think it could be a full time job, me just taking care of myself to do it perfectly. But what happens is instead of taking better care of myself, I reject that idea of taking care of myself sometimes as not being normal. And then when I get into that judgment and comparison mode, then I don't even give myself the small things that can make a big difference for staying balanced. How many times have you not gone to an event or a dinner or a gathering because you knew it would wreck your system? And while that may be wise, how often did you feel guilty about it? So while others are running on autopilot, you may be feeling like you're managing a sophisticated defense strategy just to pick up groceries, just to get the basics done. So there's a physical reality of having limits as a highly sensitive person. But then there's the load of shame and anger and frustration and sadness for not being like everyone else. My teacher Byron Katie laughingly says, whenever you argue with what is, you lose, but only 100% of the time. And I've always loved this line because it just makes it so clear that when I'm frustrated, when I'm angry, when I'm disappointed, when I'm judging myself, that's when I increase the stress load. That's when I feel like the loser. That's when I feel bad. So now we have a physical issue. All of the overstimulation of a store, plus the emotional issue, all the overstimulation of what I'm thinking and believing. Good news is you can question what you think and what you believe, and with care, you can actually shift some of those beliefs, shift some of those feelings, those emotions, so that you're carrying a lot less load on the inside. Even if things still, you know, there's still limitations we have to respect on the outside. You may think that needing earplugs means you're fragile, but what if it means that you're wise? Think of Iron Man. Tony Stark isn't less capable because he uses a suit. The suit is what makes him powerful. Not because he's weak, but because he's smart enough to protect himself when he's doing big things. So as HSPs our tools, earplugs and any other kinds of tools aren't there as something to hide behind. There's something that allows us to show up, stay present, and feel like ourselves when we go through different activities. So using tools isn't a weakness, it's a strategy. Earplugs aren't a crutch, they're a boundary. I love thinking about that. You know, as HSPs, we have issues with boundaries. It's harder for us to have boundaries. Well, using these tools, like an earplug for example, is a saying, no, I'm not going to just listen to this at full volume. So you can think of your sensitivity as a flaw, but in reality, it is one of the most accurate feedback systems on the planet. If you think about it, maybe Walmart isn't that healthy of a place for anyone to go to. In reality, I haven't been inside a Walmart in two decades and I haven't missed it. My life is just fine without that. So maybe paying attention to your sensitivity can point you in a direction that will be more fulfilling, that will be something that will nourish you and at the same time be a place where you can thrive and explore and learn and grow. It's not about avoiding life. You're learning how to live life on your own terms. And this kind of thinking, this kind of shift, requires some kind of acceptance. Acceptance of our sensitivity and that kind of acceptance of our limitations doesn't just happen by accident. It can grow. But ultimately it requires awareness. As long as you keep arguing with what is and judging yourself for being sensitive, then you stay stuck in the loop of suffering. So what if instead of fighting your sensitivity, you learn to work with it? What if the shame you feel around earplugs vanished? Or any other tool you use? What if the shame about going to bed early vanished because you no longer see it as a symbol of brokenness, but rather a symbol of power, A symbol of being your unique self and taking care of yourself. What if you had the tools, the strategy and the self trust to go anywhere and still feel like yourself? It is possible to shift your beliefs about your sensitivity. It is possible to accept yourself exactly the way you are. It just requires gentle support, some guidance, and a willingness to sit with the part of you that feels the shame and feels the anger and the sadness, or any other emotion. And this is what I would love to support you with. If you're tired of hiding your coping tools or feeling ashamed just for needing them, it's time to stop shrinking from the reality that you are different as an HSP and start learning how to manage your life with more confidence, clarity and peace by accepting who you are and learning how to live within your natural limitations. This is exactly why I created the HSP Inner Freedom Program. It's for highly sensitive people who are no longer interested in continuing feeling like the world isn't built for them, and who are ready to start building a life that is built for them. Click on the link in the show notes or or head to truinnerfreedom.com program to book a free Inner Freedom strategy. Call with me on this call, we'll unpack what's really keeping you stuck and map out a personalized path forward, one that honors your sensitivity while expanding your life, not shrinking it.