← Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
#329 | Three Things I'm Leaving Behind in 2026 as an HSP
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By the end of this episode, you'll discover what I'm letting go of in 2026 and why it matters for HSPS. Welcome to Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People, a podcast helping HSPs avoid overwhelm, eliminate stress, and find true inner freedom. I'm your host, Todd Smith, a facilitator of the work of Byron Katie, a way to question and reduce stressful thoughts. And you guessed it, I'm a highly sensitive person myself. In this episode, you'll discover three habits that quietly drain HSPs, and why I'm done with them, how to tell if these patterns are holding you back too, and a simple approach for releasing what no longer serves you in 2026. Welcome to this edition of Self Compassion Wednesdays, where we dive deeper into understanding ourselves as highly sensitive people by exploring the unique traits that shape our experience. It always blows my mind that some people work 80 hours or more per week. I do not know how they do it. I work many less hours than that, probably around 30 a week. And sometimes I think that's too much. But I can say that I do still buy into, on a certain level, the work ethic of working hard. That hustle culture that seems to pervade Western society and maybe the world at large. And I look back to my parents. They worked really hard. They were both doctors and they would get up at any time, day or night, to take care of their patients. They worked long hours, they got up early, came home late. And I look at my school culture. I had lots of homework. I stayed and worked in my room until it was done. It pervaded our family. Even my grandmother, who lived on a farm, used to say, and I lived with her for the last couple years, she lived. So I got a lot of experience with this. She would say, we have to go earn our keep. You know, like we're just cutting grass and tending the garden and doing things like that. But. But that's the attitude that we tend to have in our culture, often framed as a strong work ethic. But it. It's like, it's a hustle culture. It's a. There's a thought that I have to prove my worth through productivity. And for many HSPs, this can be a trap, because we, on the one hand, can't work as long as others, because we get overwhelmed more quickly. We process things more deeply, and as a result, we reach our overwhelm point more quickly. But at the same time, we love to do things and we're very good at doing things. And so we tend to hang on and try to be productive when it actually goes against our own nature and we need to break. So productivity itself can sometimes be used by psychologically as a kind of coping strategy for feeling enough. If I do enough of this, then I can say I've earned my keep for the day and I can relax and then I'm. I can rest. The problem is this over a long time leads to burnout, it leads to self judgment because when is enough, right? There's always something more to do and it leads to constant tension. I think that's one of the things that shows up in my body is there's this tension like, oh, I still gotta keep going. There's still more to do and still trying to figure this out. And that's not fun, that's stress, that's not balance. And so I want to invite you to check in with yourself. Do you regularly override your need for rest or quiet, telling yourself, I'll pause after I just finish one more thing? If you do, this could be an indication where you also are buying into this pressure to prove your worth through productivity. Or you can ask yourself, do you feel guilty when you take rest, like maybe you haven't earned it? Or do you measure the success of your day by how much you got done? Or do you push through even when your body or mind clearly says, I need a break? So this is a belief that your value depends on how much you get done. And it's something worth, I say, leaving behind in 2026, but it's something that can be loosened and can fall away on its own if you know how to do it. The analogy I like to use is like a squirrel frantically stockpiling nuts for winter. Even if that squirrel already has more than enough, you know, the whole tree is full of nuts and it's still going out, getting more and more and more. Now it's burying them in the earth. It's like nonstop. So what if we had enough? What if we could actually rest with what we have instead of this compulsion for more and more and more driven not by need, but by, but by fear. So if you want to loosen that. My favorite way of doing that is the work of Byron Katie, which is a way of identifying what you're thinking and then questioning those thoughts. So for literally, I can't rest until I finish everything. Is it true? And how do you react when you believe that thought? And who would you be if you didn't believe that thought? What would your life look like? This is what I invite you to. It's a whole process, but this is the taste of it. Or you can question the thought. My value depends on how much I get done. You know, is that true or I don't have enough? Is that true? Right? I mean, I have a roof over my head, I have enough food, I'm not starving, I don't have any real issues. And yet there's that drive. Gotta push harder, gotta keep going. So finally, what am I trying to prove? Who am I trying to prove myself to be? And who am I trying to impress with that? You know, it can go back to your mom, your dad, your grandmother, your grandfather, a brother, a sister. It can go back to anyone, a teacher. So being aware of this is something that helps a lot. Going through the formal practice of questioning a thought like this, using the work of Byron Katie can be super powerful for letting it go. And so that's my goal here as I begin the new year, is to start turning the corner on this. Another thing that I'm letting go of in 2026 is over attuning to other people's moods. I tend to get tense when, say, people in the family are not getting along and I want to jump in and do something about it or I walk on eggshells. If someone is irritable or not feeling good. I put more importance on other people's needs and their drama even than I do on my own. Not always, but there's that tendency there. And it is an HSP tend, but it's not part of, literally it's not part of being an hsp. It's a tendency. It's where we can fall down as HSPs and where we can get stressed. I don't end up speaking up or I don't. Here's one where I'm always ready to compromise, like, oh, yes, absolutely. Let me just take away what I'm interested in and keep it focused on you. So this can become a subtle habit of scanning others for tension and adjusting our behavior to keep the peace. On the one hand, it is our nature as HSPs to be aware of others. We can't help it. We are aware of all the subtlety going on, all the emotion going on, and it does affect us. But we can end up taking it one step further and thinking that we actually have to do something about it, either by adjusting ourselves or, or by helping them in some way. And this can lead to a kind of self erasure or an emotional exhaustion. So check in with yourself. Do you often adjust your tone or your energy or your opinions to avoid conflict. Do you feel responsible for making others feel better even if they haven't asked? You know, this is like trying to steer a car from the passenger seat. I love that analogy. Because no matter how good you are at driving a car, if you're trying to steer from the passenger seat, you are going to have a lot of trouble. You, you're never going to do a very good job. You can't even reach the pedals and the steering is awkward. And secondly, it's disrespectful to the driver. And then thirdly, it's going to end up being dangerous because something is going to go wrong here. So this is what we do when we start taking on other people's emotions as if they're our own business. And so what I'm leaving behind is this need or this desire to be in someone else's lane when actually I've got more than enough in my own lane to handle the fears that I can question. Again, using the work of Byron, Katie, are things like this. I can't handle it if they get upset. This is a big one, big motivating factor. So if I question that and turn it around, I can handle it if they get upset and I can't. You can't just jump there like I'm doing. You have to go through this gradually and it's a process. But if you can find that, if you can arrive at that point, imagine the freedom or you can question it's my fault if they feel bad. Here I am taking on more responsibility than I need to be doing or I need them to feel good. Such a powerful, limiting belief. I need them to feel good. Who would you be without that thought? Imagine they have their thing, they go up and down and all around and I have mine. And I do, I do me. I do me. You do you. It sounds so simple, but this is the difference between sanity and insanity. The third area that I'm letting go for 2026 is apologizing for my needs. My I have a client that we always joke about being invisible. And literally, when I was a kid, I wanted to be invisible. Inaudible and insensible. I wanted to be able to just go silently through the crowds and not be seen. Well, I've kind of succeeded in many ways, but this doesn't really work because I still have a body, I still have a heart, I still have emotions, I still have needs. I take up space in this world and so does every person. Whether you're an HSP or not. So saying sorry for needing quiet time or alone time or a slower pace is like making myself invisible. For example, I like to take time to wind down before bed. I need more time for that. And so I want to continue making that, making space for that, even if it doesn't fit perfectly into the routines. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't do that, but it's not easier for me, so I make that a priority. Or I like reading more than watching tv, so asking for that a little more like, hey, you know, let's just read tonight instead of watching TV or bringing up what bothers me. This can be, you know, in a, in my relationship or it can be with family members, friends, people I work with, giving feedback honestly or letting other people win. Like, I don't like to do that when I really, I mean, I do that, but it's not fair to me. Like, why not let myself be an equal player and then let's just see who wins or loses instead of getting caught in some kind of a game. I used to do that when I was playing pickleball. I would almost subconsciously not allow myself to win. I'd always be a little bit behind. Why do that to myself? That's a habit that I love to let go of. The cost of continuing this kind of idea of apologizing for my needs or being invisible is a kind of unspoken shame. There, there's a suppression of who I am and it's a self abandonment. So it feels bad. So check in with yourself. Do you say sorry when you need rest, for example, or quiet or alone time? Do you downplay your needs to avoid being seen as difficult or too much? Do you feel uncomfortable asking for space even when you truly need it? So let's leave behind together this idea that our needs are a burden or some kind of inconvenience. It's a funny thing to think that way. When you really look at it, it's like a tree apologizing for taking up space. I mean, it's like, imagine that tree was apologizing. No, no, the tree is beautiful. I love that it takes up space. It's what gives me shade and allows me to play under its branches. But when, if the tree was apologizing, I would really like not even want to go near it because it's, it's having a hard time. So this is what I'm inviting myself and all of you to do is to listen and pay attention to where you're not giving yourself space and to see if you can notice the thoughts that are stopping you from doing that. For example, people won't like me if my desire is different than theirs. If you question that thought and come to another point of view, you may find that people are not as upset about you having a different point of view or a different desire than they do. It can lead to actual closeness in relationship. Or you can question the thought, I need them to like me. Like, who would you be if you didn't have that? Imagine the freedom there of being okay even if somebody wasn't okay with you. That takes a lot of clarity, and it takes a lot of staying in your own business. And it's not easy for anyone, especially in hsp. But it is possible. And this is something that I love doing the work on. I love finding this space inside. This is what I call inner freedom. And it's possible for all of us. Another one to question. I need to keep the peace at all costs. What is all costs? All costs is me my happiness or my space or my ability to breathe. Do I really need to keep the peace at all costs? It's worth questioning. It always blows my mind that some people work 80 hours or more per week. I do not know how they do it. I work many less hours than that, probably around 30 a week. And sometimes I think that's too much. But I can say that I do still buy into, on a certain level, the work ethic of working hard. That hustle culture that seems to pervade Western society and maybe the world at large. And I look back to my parents. They worked really hard. They were both doctors, and they would get up at any time, day or night, to take care of their patients. They worked long hours. They got up early, came home late. And I look at my school culture. I had lots of homework. I stayed and worked in my room until it was done. It pervaded our family. Even my grandmother, who lived on a farm, used to say, and I lived with her for the last couple years she lived. So I got a lot of experience with this. She would say, we have to go earn our keep. You know, like we're just cutting grass and tending the garden and doing things like that. But that's the attitude that we tend to have in our culture, often framed as a strong work ethic. But it. It's like. It's a hustle culture. It's a. There's a thought that I have to prove my worth through productivity. And for many hsps, this can be a trap. Because we, on the one hand, can't Work as long as others because we get overwhelmed more quickly, we process things more deeply and as a result we reach our overwhelm point more quickly. But at the same time, we love to do things and we're very good at doing things. And so we tend to hang on and try to be productive when it actually goes against our own nature and we need to break. So productivity itself can sometimes be used by psychologically as a kind of coping strategy for feeling enough. If I do enough of this, then I can say I've earned my keep for the day and I can relax and then I'm. I can rest. The problem is this over a long time leads to burnout, it leads to self judgment because when is enough, right? There's always something more to do and it leads to constant tension. I think that's one of the things that shows up in my body is there's this tension like, oh, I still gotta keep going, there's still more to do and still trying to figure this out. And that's not fun, that's stress, that's not balance. And so I want to invite you to check in with yourself. Do you regularly override your need for rest or quiet, telling yourself, I'll pause after I just finish one more thing? If you do, this could be an indication where you also are buying into this pressure to prove your worth through productivity. Or you can ask yourself, do you feel guilty when you take rest, like maybe you haven't earned it? Or do you measure the success of your day by how much you got done? Or do you push through even when your body or mind clearly says I need a break? So this is a belief that your value depends on how much you get done. And it's something worth, I say, leaving behind in 2026, but it's something that can be loosened and can fall away on its own if you know how to do it. The analogy I like to use is like a squirrel frantically stockpiling nuts for winter. Even if that squirrel already has more than enough. You know, the whole tree is full of nuts and it's still going out, getting more and more and more. Now it's burying them in the earth. It's like non stop. So what if we had enough? What if we could actually rest with what we have instead of this compulsion for more and more and more driven not by need but by fear. So if you want to loosen that, My favorite way of doing that is the work of Byron Katie, which is a way of identifying what you're thinking and then questioning those thoughts. So for literally, I can't rest until I finish everything. Is it true? And how do you react when you believe that thought? And who would you be if you didn't believe that thought? What would your life look like? This is what I invite you to. It's a whole process, but this is the taste of it. Or you can question the thought. My value depends on how much I get done. You know, is that true? Or I don't have enough? Is that true? Right? I mean, I have a roof over my head, I have enough food, I'm not starving. I don't have any real issues. And yet there's that drive. Gotta push harder, gotta keep going. So finally, what am I trying to prove? Who am I trying to prove myself to be? And who am I trying to impress with that? You know, it can go back to your mom, your dad, your grandmother, your grandfather, a brother, a sister. I can go back to anyone, a teacher. So being aware of this is something that helps a lot. Going through the formal practice of questioning a thought like this, using the work of Byron, Katie can be super powerful for letting it go. And so that's my goal here as I begin the new year, to start turning the corner on this. Another thing that I'm letting go of in 2026 is over attuning to other people's moods. I tend to get tense when, say, people in the family are not getting along and I want to jump in and do something about it, or I walk on eggshells. If someone is irritable or not feeling good. I put more importance on other people's needs and their drama even than I do on my own. Not always, but there's that tendency there. And it is an HSP tendency, but it's not part of, literally, it's not part of being an hsp. It's a tendency. It's where we can fall down as HSPs and where we can get stressed. I don't end up speaking up or I don't. Here's one where I'm always ready to compromise. Like, oh, yes, absolutely. Let me just take away what I'm interested in and keep it focused on you. So this can become a subtle habit of scanning others for tension and adjusting our behavior to keep the peace. On the one hand, it is our nature as HSPs to be aware of others. We can't help it. We are aware of all the subtlety going on, all the emotion going on, and it does affect us, but we can end up taking it one step further and Thinking that we actually have to do something about it either by adjusting ourselves or by helping them in some way. And this can lead to kind of self erasure or an emotional exhaustion. So check in with yourself. Do you often adjust your tone or your energy or your opinions to avoid conflict? Do you feel responsible for making others feel better even if they haven't asked? You know, this is like trying to steer a car from the passenger seat. I love that analogy because no matter how good you are at driving a car, if you're trying to steer from the passenger seat, you are going to have a lot of trouble. You, you're never going to do a very good job. You can't even reach the pedals and the steering is awkward. And secondly, it's disrespectful to the driver. And then thirdly, it's going to end up being dangerous because something is going to go wrong here. So this is what we do when we start taking on other people's emotions as if they're our own business. And so what I'm leaving behind is this need or this desire to be in someone else's lane when actually I've got more than enough in my own lane to handle the fears that I can question again using the work of Byron Katie, are things like this. I can't handle it if they get upset. This is a big one, big motivating factor. So if I question that and turn it around, I can handle it if they get upset and I can't. You can't just jump there like I'm doing. You have to go through this gradually and it's a process. But if you can find that, if you can arrive at that point, imagine the freedom or you can question it's my fault if they feel bad. Here I am taking on more responsibility than I need to be doing or I need them to feel good. Such a powerful, limiting belief. I need them to feel good. Who would you be without that thought? Imagine they have their thing, they go up and down and all around and I have mine and I do me, I do me, you do you. It sounds so simple, but this is the difference between sanity and insanity. The third area that I'm letting go for 2026 is apologizing for my needs. My. I have a client that we always joke about being invisible. And literally when I was a kid, I wanted to be invisible, inaudible and insensible. I wanted to be able to just go silently through the crowds and not be seen. Well, I've kind of succeeded in many ways. But this doesn't really work because I still have a body, I still have a heart, I still have emotions, I still have needs. I take up space in this world and so does every person, whether you're an HSP or not. So saying sorry for needing quiet time or alone time or a slower pace is like making myself invisible. For example, I like to take time to wind down before bed. I need more time for that. And so I want to continue making that, making space for that, even if it doesn't fit perfectly into the routines. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't do that, but it's not easier for me, so I make that a priority. Or I like reading more than watching tv, so asking for that a little more. Like, hey, you know, let's just read tonight instead of watching TV or bringing up what bothers me. This can be, you know, in a, in my relationship, or it can be with family members, friends, people I work with, giving feedback honestly, or letting other people win. Like, I don't like to do that when I really, I mean, I do that, but it's not fair to me. Like, why not let myself be an equal player and then let's just see who wins or loses instead of getting caught in some kind of a game. I used to do that when I was playing pickleball. I would almost subconsciously not allow myself to win. I'd always be a little bit behind. Why do that to myself? That's a habit that I'd love to let go of. The cost of continuing this kind of idea of apologizing for my needs or being invisible is a kind of unspoken shame. There, there's a suppression of who I am and it's a self abandonment. So it feels bad. So check in with yourself. Do you say sorry when you need rest, for example, or quiet or alone time? Do you downplay your needs to avoid being seen as difficult or too much? Do you feel uncomfortable asking for space even when you truly need it? So let's leave behind together this idea that our needs are a burden or some kind of inconvenience. It's a funny thing to think that way when you really look at it. It's like a tree apologizing for taking up space. I mean, it's like, imagine that tree was apologizing. No, no, the tree is beautiful. I love that it takes up space. It's what gives me shade and allows me to play under its branches. But when, if the tree was apologizing, I would really like not even want to go near it. Because it's having a hard time. So this is what I'm inviting myself and all of you to do is to listen and pay attention to where you're not giving yourself space and to see if you can notice the thoughts that are stopping you from doing that. For example, people won't like me if my desire is different than theirs. If you question that thought and come to another point of view, you may find that people are not as not as upset about you having a different point of view or a different desire than they do. It can lead to actual closeness in relationship. Or you can question the thought. I need them to like me. Like, who would you be if you didn't have that thought? Imagine the freedom there of being okay even if somebody wasn't okay with you. That takes a lot of clarity and it takes a lot of staying in your own business. And it's not easy for anyone, especially in hsp. But it is possible. And this is something that I love doing the work on. I love finding this space inside. This is what I call inner freedom. And it's possible for all of us. Another one to question. I need to keep the peace at all costs. What is all costs? All costs is me, my happiness or my space or my ability to breathe. Do I really need to keep the peace at all costs? It's worth questioning. So the feeling I'm left with today is that we have more choice than we think. The more we become aware of our patterns and our thinking, the more options we have to choose another way. In this episode, we looked at three habits that quietly drain HSPs and why I'm done with them. It was the pressure to prove my worth through productivity, over attuning to other people's moods and apologizing for my needs, becoming invisible. We also looked at how to tell if these patterns are holding you back too. And in all of this I mentioned a number of different little check ins you can ask yourself. But the bottom line on all of that is your stress. Your stress is maybe the greatest gift to you. It sounds funny, but stress is this super sensitive indicator light telling us that something's not right, that I'm not being kind to myself, that I'm leaving myself out, that I'm doing something that doesn't work for me. Stress is there, as your friend, to let you know when you've stepped away from what would take care of you the best. So when you pay attention to it, you will notice. Okay, I need to take a look and see if I can find my way back. And finally we looked at a simple approach for releasing what no longer serves you in 2026, and that is to question the thoughts that stop you from showing up in a more sane way. There's always a thought. There's always a reason I have to keep working because or I can't ask for what I want because there's always a reason. Find out what that reason is, write it down on paper and go through the four questions and turnarounds of the work of Byron Katie, and find out for yourself if there's another point of view when you look at that thought. So thank you for listening. It's always great to explore with you. This program comes out three times a week on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Join me next time for Strategy Fridays, where we think about specific things you can do to help manage stress as a highly sensitive person. Tired of feeling overwhelmed by everything all at once? Take the HSP stress test@truinnerfreedom.com youm'll also find a link in the show notes. The test will reveal your unique sensitivity Profile profile including how your nervous system naturally responds to stimulation, emotions, social energy and more. You'll also gain a clearer picture of how stress might be amplifying that sensitivity. Take the HSP Stress Test now. It's a powerful first step on your journey to true inner freedom. Sa.