Episode Overview

Podcast: Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
Host: Todd Smith, founder of True Inner Freedom
Episode: #334 | How to Support Your Loved Ones WITHOUT Taking On Their Stress and Feeling Overwhelmed as an HSP
Date: January 12, 2026

This Breakthrough Monday episode guides highly sensitive people (HSPs) on navigating the fine line between empathy and emotional entanglement. Todd Smith unpacks why HSPs often feel overwhelmed by others’ emotions, reveals the hidden dangers of blurred boundaries, and provides actionable strategies to stay compassionate without losing your own center.

Main Themes and Purpose

• Understanding the often invisible transition from empathy to entanglement for HSPs
• Recognizing and correcting common pitfalls in emotional boundaries
• Learning a practical mental shift to remain supportive but not absorb others’ stress
• Empowering HSPs to create space and maintain inner freedom while caring for others

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Invisible Line: Empathy vs. Emotional Entanglement

[00:18–03:20]

• Empathy involves feeling with someone, but for HSPs, this can morph into emotional merging.
  • “Their pain fills your chest like it's your own. Your heart rate spikes, your stomach tightens.” — Todd Smith [00:48]
• Many HSPs unconsciously adopt the rule: If they’re suffering, I can’t relax.
• The danger: you leave the conversation feeling flooded and responsible for fixing their pain.

2. The Real Issue: Blurred Emotional Boundaries

[03:21–05:00]

• Overwhelm is not just about being “too sensitive.”
  • “Most HSPs believe… they get overwhelmed because they're too emotional or not strong enough around stressed people. But the real issue isn't sensitivity. It's blurring emotional boundaries.” — Todd Smith [02:38]
• Example: Feeling responsible for an old classmate thousands of miles away.
• The problem: Caring transforms into “emotional entanglement,” leading your nervous system to carry someone else’s stress.

3. What Happens When You Absorb Others’ Stress

[05:01–06:48]

• Effects can last hours or days—including emotional exhaustion and foggy thinking.
• “You can end up avoiding people you actually care about because you're afraid you're going to get sucked down the drain with their emotional turmoil.” — Todd Smith [05:27]
• Chronic entanglement can cause burnout, emotional shutdown, or resentment—not just towards others, but oneself.

4. The Cycle of Over-Giving and Resentment

[06:49–08:10]

• Over-caring leads to unspoken resentment.
• “Resentment is often the red flag that your inner boundary has been crossed by you.” — Todd Smith [07:53]
• Common inner monologue: Why am I always the one holding it all?

5. Common Mistakes HSPs Make

[08:11–09:40]

• Trying to calm others so you can relax yourself—reversing natural emotional responsibility.
  • “Each person is responsible for their own emotional state.... We hold space without absorbing, or we offer support without over offering, over functioning, and we empathize without merging.” — Todd Smith [08:36]
• Mistaking caring for carrying.
• Believing feeling overwhelmed = weakness, instead of a sign you’ve left your own “shore.”

6. The Essential Question: “Whose Business Am I In?”

[09:41–12:15]

• The key tool for regaining boundaries: regularly ask yourself, “Whose business am I in right now?”
  • “That shift alone can cut overwhelm in half instantly.” — Todd Smith [11:01]
• Analogy:
  • Be a lighthouse (stable, guiding) rather than a lifeboat (rowing into storm).
  • “Kind of like being a mirror instead of being a sponge.” [11:38]

7. How to Recognize Emotional Overreach

[12:16–13:30]

• The clearest sign: stress, overwhelm, insecurity, and a feeling that “something is off.”
• Clarifying “my business” (what I control) vs. “your business” (outside my control).
  • “If I'm trying to control something that I can't control, it's a perfect formula for stress.” — Todd Smith [13:00]

8. Real Empathy: Caring Without Merging

[13:31–15:00]

• Real empathy supports from your own “shore”—it doesn’t merge.
  • “It’s not carrying someone’s pain for them. It’s being present as they go through their own experience.” — Todd Smith [13:44]
  • “Standing as a calm, clear witness who holds space while staying rooted.” [13:51]
• Once you maintain healthy separation, your natural empathy and support can shine.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On emotional merging:
  “If they're upset, I can't relax, or I need them to feel better for me to feel OK.” — Todd Smith [01:40]

• On resentment as a warning:
  “Resentment is often the red flag that your inner boundary has been crossed by you.” — Todd Smith [07:53]

• On practical boundaries:
  “There's a big difference between caring and carrying.” — Todd Smith [09:10]

• On core strategy:
  “Whose business am I in right now?” — Todd Smith [10:23]
  “That shift alone can cut overwhelm in half instantly.” — Todd Smith [11:01]

• Analogy for support:
  “Be a lighthouse, not a lifeboat.” — Todd Smith [11:31]

• On healthy empathy:
  “Real empathy is our strength as HSPs. But real empathy does not merge.” — Todd Smith [13:34]
  “It’s being present with them as they go through their own experience.” — Todd Smith [13:44]

Practical Takeaways & Tools

• Ask yourself: “Whose business am I in?” to reset boundaries and return to your own emotional territory.
• Remember: Caring doesn’t mean carrying.
• Visualize support: Be the lighthouse for others—not the lifeboat drowning alongside them.
• Physical tool: Todd offers “Whose Business Is It?” Reflection cards to help HSPs stay grounded in real time.

Important Timestamps

• [00:48] — Physical experience of emotional merging
• [02:38] — The real issue: blurred boundaries, not sensitivity
• [05:27] — Long-term effects of absorbing others’ stress
• [07:53] — Recognizing resentment as a red flag
• [08:36] — Emotional responsibility and holding space
• [10:23] — The “Whose business…” strategy revealed
• [11:31] — Lighthouse vs. lifeboat analogy
• [13:34] — Defining real empathy for HSPs

In Summary

Todd Smith’s episode delivers deep insight, practical strategies, and vivid analogies for HSPs who struggle to support others without succumbing to overwhelm. By redefining empathy, emphasizing boundaries, and inviting self-inquiry (“Whose business am I in?”), HSPs can transform the way they show up for themselves and their loved ones—caring deeply without carrying more than they should.