Episode Overview

Podcast: Stress Management for Highly Sensitive People (HSP): Inner Work and Strategies for Coping with Stress, Overwhelm, and Negative Emotions
Host: Todd Smith
Episode: #335 | How to Be Alone Without Feeling Lonely & Connected Without Getting Stressed as a Highly Sensitive Person
Date: January 14, 2026

In this Self-Compassion Wednesdays episode, Todd Smith explores a core challenge for highly sensitive people (HSPs): finding the right balance between the need for nourishing solitude and the desire for deep connection without tipping into loneliness or overwhelm. He shares real-life scenarios, personal experiences, and practical tools—anchored in “The Work” of Byron Katie, daily routines, and meditation—for cultivating inner settledness. Todd emphasizes that true peace, whether alone or with others, depends on how connected we feel to ourselves in the moment.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Paradox of Restorative Alone Time

• Peaceful vs. Hollow Solitude:
  Todd illustrates how alone time can feel blissful and restorative on one day but empty or restless the next—despite identical external circumstances.
  • “It’s not the alone time itself that changed, it’s how you’re coming into it.” [02:45]
• Inner Connection as the Differentiator:
  The true determinant is how connected or relaxed you are with yourself before the period of solitude.
  • If you’re already settled and at peace, alone time nourishes you.
  • If you’re restless, wishing things were different, or carrying unresolved stress, solitude feels hollow.

2. The Role of Stressful Thoughts

• Questioning Stressful Thoughts (“The Work” of Byron Katie):
  Todd describes his go-to inner work for dissolving stress: examining thoughts and beliefs that prevent rest and connection.
  • “When I question my stressful thoughts, my attachment to them tends to melt away. And with that, the stress tends to melt away, and then I can enjoy that quiet.” [06:07]
• Practicing Inner Work Regularly:
  Processing stress daily helps clear mental clutter, increase bandwidth, and achieve deeper self-connection.

3. Meditation for Inner Settledness

• Transcendental Meditation (TM):
  Todd shares that nearly five decades of TM practice has been vital for settling his busy mind and reconnecting inwardly.
  • “It’s very effective for allowing me to just do what it says: transcend that busy mind and come to a place of deeper connection with myself.” [07:55]
• Nature of Mind:
  Meditation is likened to diving beneath the turbulent waves to reach the calm, quiet ocean bed within.

4. Fulfillment in Connection with Others

• How State Impacts Social Interactions:
  Two identical social situations—a Zoom call with the same person—yield dramatically different experiences depending on your inner state at the time.
  • When rested and aligned, connection feels mutual and nourishing.
  • When depleted or stressed, you may lose yourself in people-pleasing or over-processing, resulting in more stress.
  • “The difference wasn’t the person, it was your state.” [12:10]
• Relational Fulfillment Requires Self-Connection:
  Authentic, deep connections with others depend on how connected you are with yourself.

5. Practical Strategies for HSPs

• Balanced Daily Routine:
  Structure and predictability provide safety and support for highly sensitive people.
  • “If you ignore routine, then you lose connection with yourself…a routine allows you to flourish because you are protected by it.” [16:10]
  • Todd compares routines to a snail’s shell—vital protection for the sensitive.
• Daily Inner Work & Meditation:
  Making a priority of questioning stress, regular self-reflection, and meditation helps maintain that core inner settledness on which all else depends.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Restorative Solitude:
  “The difference between loneliness and being peacefully alone is one thing. It’s inner settledness.” [19:48]

• On Social Fulfillment:
  “How connected you feel with someone else depends on how connected you are with yourself.” [15:11]

• Analogy of Breath:
  “I like to think of [alone time and connection] as a matched pair, like inhaling and exhaling... both are necessary in some sort of balance or rhythm to allow me to stay at my optimal level.” [20:55]

• On Seeking Peace:
  “I’m looking for peace on the outside, when actually peace is only found on the inside. Whether you’re alone or you’re with people, it’s how settled you are on the inside that makes the difference.” [22:12]

• Analogy of Muddy Water:
  “If you have water and it has, say, some sediment in it… if it’s shaken up all the time, that water will be cloudy… But if you have ways of giving it chance to settle, that will go to the bottom and you’ll be able to see clearly again.” [24:32]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:50]—What makes solitude peaceful or hollow for HSPs
• [06:07]—Using “The Work” of Byron Katie to question stressful thoughts
• [07:55]—Todd’s experience with Transcendental Meditation
• [12:10]—How inner state transforms interpersonal connections
• [16:10]—Importance of balanced daily routines for HSPs
• [19:48]—The one thing that separates loneliness from peaceful solitude
• [22:12]—Peace is found inside, not in external circumstances
• [24:32]—Analogy of muddy water and the practice of inner settling

Actionable Takeaways

• Prioritize routine: Build a supportive structure for daily life to maintain inner balance.
• Practice daily inner work: Question stressful thoughts regularly to dissolve unnecessary suffering.
• Meditate: Use a meditative practice to connect with deeper parts of yourself.
• Recognize: Whether seeking solitude or connection, always check in with your level of self-connection—peace and fulfillment flow from there.

Final Thought:
“Peace depends on how connected I feel with myself. This is what makes alone time peaceful, and this is what makes connection with others peaceful.” — Todd Smith [25:12]

For more resources, including the HSP Stress Test, visit True Inner Freedom or see the show notes. Tune in next time for Strategy Fridays on practical stress management for HSPs.