Stronger with Don Saladino

Episode: "Optimism, Resilience, and Daily Mental Fitness with Dr. Sue Varma"

Date: December 16, 2025
Host: Don Saladino
Guest: Dr. Sue Varma, psychiatrist & author of Practical Optimism

Overview:

This episode explores what it means to build true strength beyond the gym—focusing on mental resilience, optimism, and the daily practices that lay the foundation for well-being. Don Saladino speaks with Dr. Sue Varma, a board-certified psychiatrist and author of "Practical Optimism." Together, they dive deep into actionable tools and candid stories that show how optimism and mindset can be cultivated–even by those who don't feel “naturally positive.” The conversation is filled with science, relatable anecdotes, and tactical advice for listeners seeking consistency, habit change, and a growth-focused life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

I. Defining Optimism, Pessimism, and Realism (04:00–11:00)

• Optimism is “looking at the glass as half full as opposed to half empty. It’s the belief that things can work out—and, for some, it’s natural.” (Dr. Varma, 04:33)
  • Only 25% of people are “born jump out of bed optimists”; the rest can learn it.
  • Distinguishes optimism from “toxic positivity,” which ignores real hardship.
• Pessimism, per Dr. Martin Seligman, is marked by viewing setbacks as:
  • Personal (“It’s my fault”)
  • Pervasive (“Everything’s wrong”)
  • Permanent (“It’ll always be this way”)
  • Paralyzing (Dr. Varma adds paralysis as a fourth “P”)
• Realism/Practical Optimism:

  "The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist, AKA the practical optimist, adjusts the sails." (Dr. Varma quoting a favorite saying, 08:53)

  • Practical optimism is optimism plus action—turning positive outlooks into outcomes.
• Healthy Pessimism: “Pessimists are more thorough in their analysis… but get stuck in analysis paralysis.” (07:00)
  • Ideal: Marry healthy cynicism with forward movement.

II. Practical Optimism: A Learnable Skillset (11:00–17:00)

• Dr. Varma’s book, "Practical Optimism," is rooted in her 20+ years as a clinician, working extensively on resilience after 9/11.
• “Resilience is just one part… I wanted to help people thrive, not just bounce back. And prevention in mental health is barely talked about in Western medicine.” (Dr. Varma, 11:12)
• Key takeaway: Even if you’re not “born” optimistic, you can develop these skills intentionally.

III. Mindset, Resilience, and Learning from Setbacks (13:00–21:00)

• Don shares personal struggles running a gym—nearly missing payroll, losing a credit card, running into obstacles—but always felt:

  “For some reason in the back of my head, I’m like, it’s going to be all right. Just keep pushing forward.” (Don, 13:26)

• Dr. Varma’s story of overcoming a biased professor:

  “My teacher said no girl has ever gotten an A in my organic chemistry class in 30 years. I was like, dude, I need to get an A. This can’t be what stops me.” (15:54)

  • She and another student became the first to do so by seeking help, doubling down, and then teaching others.
  • “If someone were to take the time with you, you could fall in love with any subject.” (19:01)
• Reframing Failure: “You’re cherry-picking the good moments—using past mastery to inform future decisions.” (Dr. Varma, 14:36)

IV. Consistency, Enjoyment, and Habit Formation (25:38–30:00)

• “Consistency is a superpower. If you can develop it—whether it’s in sleep, relationships, or habits—it’ll change your life.” (Don, 25:38)
• Dr. Varma’s practical strategies:
  • Lower the entry barrier (don’t make goals unnecessarily hard)
  • Choose habits that are personally enjoyable and feasible.
  • “Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides… You’re seeing the finished product, not the process.” (Dr. Varma, 28:22)
• Social support & fun matter:

  “If you do something with a friend, your perception of how difficult it is actually gets lower.” (Dr. Varma, 29:04)

V. Building Confidence through Practice and Self-Reflection (30:13–34:00)

• Both Don and Dr. Varma were shy as kids; both had to learn comfort with public speaking.
• “You’re not born with this stuff. I had to force myself into uncomfortable situations a million times… The book that changed my perception about shyness made things feel doable.” (Dr. Varma, 31:35)
• Self-help resources and “paying it forward” can be transformative.

VI. New Year’s Resolutions & Micro-Momentum (34:25–38:16)

• Many people set themselves up for failure with unrealistic, rigid goals at the new year.
• Dr. Varma recommends “micro-momentum”:

  “Give someone a small, tangible task that’s super easy. It’s a win. Then, take the next step, and the next.” (Don, 35:21)

• Satisficers vs. Maximizers:
  • Satisficers say, “Good is good enough.”
  • Maximizers are perfectionists—and can become rigid or paralyzed.
  • “Maladaptive perfectionism is so hard on yourself… the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.” (Dr. Varma, 36:18)

VII. The Eight Pillars of Practical Optimism (38:16–45:55)

Book structure overview

1. Purpose:

• “Doesn’t have to be glamorous—it’s just your intention, for today, this conversation, or a larger vision.”

2. Processing Emotions:

• Don’t suppress—“Your body will express what the mind cannot.”
• Four-step process: name it, tame it, claim it, reframe it.
• “Women who suppress their emotions are more likely to die [so are] men who suppress their anger.” (Dr. Varma, 39:55)

3. Problem Solving

4. Self-Compassion (Pride)

5. Self-Efficacy / Agency (Proficiency)

6. Presence (Being in the moment)

7. People (Social Connection)

8. Healthy Habits

- “Natural-born optimists have these skills. But if you’re not born with them, you can learn them.” (Dr. Varma, 54:15)

VIII. Processing Emotions: Journaling & Self-Soothing (45:55–51:35)

• Journaling helps identify recurring worries and shows that:
  • 85% of worries never happen.
  • In 15% of cases, you’re better equipped than you think.
• Self-soothing techniques include walking, meditation, venting, and even aromatherapy.

“The more tools you have at your fingertips, the better.” (Dr. Varma, 46:11)

• Acts of altruism/kindness can break rumination and reaffirm self-worth.

IX. Changing Habits—Bad vs. Good (48:44–50:37)

• “Bad habits are a form of coping and self-soothing.”
  • The key is to replace a negative habit with self-soothing routines that don’t spiral out of control.
  • It’s not realistic to expect depressed people to jump to “perfect” habits—start small.

X. Can Everyone Change? Victim Mentality & Genetics of Optimism (51:35–54:40)

• Not everyone will change; some are stuck in blame and victimhood.
• Optimists and pessimists can complement each other in teams—if “pessimism” stays in small doses.
• About 25% of optimism is genetic (oxytocin receptor gene, OXTR)—but most is skill-based and learnable.

XI. Cognitive Distortions & Reframing Negative Thoughts (57:40–62:17)

• Most “everyday negativity” results from cognitive distortions:
  • Catastrophizing, jumping to conclusions, all-or-nothing thinking, magnification, etc.
  • Remedy: Name the distortion, reframe, get objective (i.e., “What would you tell a friend?”).
  • Ask: “Is this unproductive worry or do I need to take action?”
• Example: When Dr. Varma’s mother received a cancer diagnosis, she processed emotion, then broke it into functional steps (“get a doctor,” etc.).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Practical optimism is not just a mindset—it’s a skill set, it’s an action set, it’s a tool set. It helps you go from positive outlooks to positive outcomes.”
  — Dr. Varma, 09:48

• “Optimists and pessimists go through the same number of life adversities. The difference is: the optimist gets knocked down 1,700 times and gets back up again every time.”
  — Dr. Varma, 12:53

• “Optimists build the planes and pessimists build the parachutes. We need both.”
  — Dr. Varma, 08:15

• “Consistent sleep, consistent relationships, the consistency to wake up every day and see the glass half full—that’s the stuff people struggle with most.”
  — Don Saladino, 25:38

• “Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides. You’re seeing the finished product—but not the process.”
  — Dr. Varma, 28:22

• “Pay attention when your mind spins unproductive stories. Is this worry productive, or is it just spinning in place?”
  — Dr. Varma, 58:33

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:00 — Optimism vs Pessimism vs Realism
• 08:53 — “Adjust the Sails” Quote and the Value of Practical Optimism
• 12:31 — Dr. Varma’s Experience after 9/11 and Mental Health Prevention
• 13:26 — Don’s Personal Setbacks and Resilience
• 15:54 — Dr. Varma’s Organic Chemistry Story (Overcoming Bias/Setbacks)
• 25:38 — Consistency & Habit Formation
• 29:04 — The Power of Social Support in Building Habits
• 35:21 — Micro-Momentum and New Year’s Change
• 38:16 — The Eight Pillars of Practical Optimism
• 45:55 — The Four-Step Emotional Processing (“Name it, tame it, claim it, reframe it”)
• 57:40 — Addressing Negative Thought Spirals: Practical Steps
• 62:17 — Making the Most of Time with Loved Ones (Don’s Travel Story)

Listener Q&A Highlights

1. Compartmentalization vs. Suppression
Compartmentalization is “I’ll address this, but not now.” Suppression is “I can’t deal with this at all.” Venting is important—voice matters. (63:53–66:04)

2. Seasonal Depression Strategies
Morning sunlight, exercise, light boxes, attention to sleep, and therapy if needed. Diet tweaks: more healthy fat, fiber, protein. (66:13–68:57)

3. Rerouting Chronic Anxiety (“Fight or Flight” Mode)
Start with deeply understanding your triggers, seek support if needed, and use the “four M’s”: movement, mindfulness, meaningful engagement, and mastery. No shortcuts—it’s daily, continuous practice. (69:37–72:28)

Actionable Takeaways

• Lower the barrier for starting new habits. Make them enjoyable, feasible, meaningful.
• Build a system of emotional processing, not suppression.
• Journal your worries—most won’t come true.
• Small daily “micro-momentum” beats lofty, unsustainable goals.
• Social connection amplifies resilience.
• Reframe negativity, recognize cognitive distortions, and if stuck, ask, “What would I tell a friend?”
• Practice practical optimism as a daily skill, not a trait; everyone can cultivate it.

Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is warm, candid, expertly insightful, and emboldened by Don’s personal stories and Dr. Varma’s well-grounded authority. Both are deeply compassionate but emphasize practical, repeatable action steps.

For anyone seeking a true “masterclass” on the interplay of mindset, habits, and daily resilience, this episode offers science-backed optimism and approachable frameworks you can use today to get, and keep, stronger—inside and out.