Stronger with Don Saladino | Episode Summary

Episode Title: Why Avoiding Pain Keeps You Stuck (And What to Do Instead)
Guest: Elena Brower
Date: January 13, 2026

Overview

This transformative episode explores strength beyond physical fitness, venturing into presence, grief, meditation, and the raw experience of being human. Don Saladino welcomes Elena Brower—author, hospice volunteer, meditation teacher—who shares insights on processing pain, the true nature of grief, cellular resilience, and the life-altering effects of meditation. They discuss routines for emotional resilience, approaching loss, and how to cultivate deeper meaning and presence in daily life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Stories We Tell Ourselves

• Self-Limiting Narratives:
  Elena and Don discuss how anxiety and stress often stem from imagined stories and scenarios that don’t reflect present reality.
  • "The steel trap that we create with our stories leaves a lot of possibility out of the equation and we forget that anything is possible..." (Elena, 02:16)
• Letting Go:
  The practice of "holding less" and stepping away from these stories creates room for healing and clarity.

2. Emotional Resilience and 'Superpowers'

• Managing Emotions:
  Don labels the ability to control emotions as a true superpower in life.
  • "Controlling your emotions...might be one of the most...it's a superpower." (Don, 02:59)
• Finding Relief:
  Elena shares that, rather than numbing or running from discomfort (which she did for years prior to sobriety), she now leans into weightlifting and meditation as key practices for mental clarity and resilience.
  • "Every time I feel, you know, really at odds with my brain...I will go directly to weights and I will build via these two avenues a more trustworthy mind." (Elena, 03:52)
  • She talks openly about being 11+ years sober, highlighting the shift from numbing pain to addressing it head-on. (04:43)

3. Understanding and Practicing Meditation

• Approachable Techniques:
  Elena advocates for simplicity: stillness, awareness, and tracking breath—not esoteric traditions—are at the core of her daily 20-minute meditation practice.
  • "Sit very, very still and challenge myself not to move for 20 minutes a day. Not to move." (Elena, 06:45)
• Physical Posture Doesn’t Need to Be Perfect:
  Removing barriers, she emphasizes there are no strict rules—sit in a chair, or however feels comfortable.
• The "Flow" State:
  Through gentle attention to the breath, thoughts subside and a sense of unity with one’s surroundings emerges.
  • "It's as though the perimeter of my body has completely disappeared. And I and this room and this world are one thing." (Elena, 08:12)
• Benefits Over Time:
  Elena notes feeling “better than 20 years ago” due to a sustained movement and meditation practice. (05:40)

4. Meditation Retreats and Deep Insights

• Extended Practice:
  Elena recounts multi-day retreats at Upaya Zen Center, sitting for several hours at a time.
  • "We do seven one hour sets over the course of the day...The first time I did that, it was excruciating...By the maybe third or fourth day...I started to see and know my mind." (Elena, 09:32)
• Self-Knowledge and Forgiveness:
  Prolonged self-reflection reveals deep patterns, bringing understanding and self-compassion.

5. On Grief: Love in Disguise

• A Transformational Perspective on Loss:
  Elena redefines grief as an extension of love—a powerful reframing.
  • "I think about grief and it's love. It's just love that's transmuting." (Elena, 14:45)
  • "When you grieve the loss of somebody, it's just because you love them so much. How beautiful. That's what grief is. It's just love." (Elena, 15:05)
• Advice for Navigating Grief:
  Rather than resisting or numbing pain, Elena encourages allowing oneself to feel and witness grief fully.
  • "Feel it. Don't shy away from it. Don't run from it...That's just love present in your body." (Elena, 16:15)

6. Hospice Volunteering and Lessons on Death

• Bringing Presence to End of Life:
  Elena explains her approach to volunteering: entering a room with humility, asking how she can serve, and honoring the family’s process.
  • "Their process is my teacher. I know nothing. So I'll often walk in and do nothing and just sit in the corner..." (Elena, 16:57)
• Cultural Avoidance of Death:
  She argues for embracing the natural reality of death and recommends the works of Stephen Jenkinson for further perspective (Grief Walker, Die Wise). (17:48-18:00)
• Hospice vs. Prolonged Hospitalization:
  Hospice can ease both patient and family suffering, but Western culture often resists the process.
• Learning From Death:
  Some of Elena’s most profound life lessons have come from being present at the bedside of the dying. She shares a Zen story about a teacher drawing a circle when asked about afterlife reunion, signifying the cyclical nature of existence. (21:55)

7. Listening as a Form of Prayer

• Deep Presence:
  Elena describes the act of listening—especially in vulnerable settings (hospice and teaching yoga in prisons)—as her spiritual practice.
  • "The listening that I do to them is absolutely a prayer. The listening that I do in the hospice bed...that's a prayer, that listening that helps...There’s somebody there at least to bear witness.” (Elena, 27:34)
• Cultural Note:
  She shares an insight from Japanese business culture: the quietest person in the room is often the most important, reinforcing the power of listening. (26:42)

8. Guided Meditation (Live Practice)

• [28:52 – 32:39]
  Elena leads Don and the audience through a calming, three-minute breath and presence meditation.
  • "Lengthen your spine or lie down...take a deep breath in...as you exhale, let your attention settle in your body again...let the breath sweep the mind…"
• Takeaway:
  This everyday ritual can be adapted to any context and helps “rinse out” mental clutter, promoting both relaxation and cognitive resilience.
  • "Meditation is like that for the brain...all the extra...inputs, even violence that we witness...gets kind of rinsed out when we sit." (Elena, 33:56)

9. Listener Q&A

Q1: Deepening Yoga Mind-Body Connection ([34:54])

• Briana asks for advice on connecting to yoga’s meditative side and stress relief with inconsistent practice.
• Elena suggests adding resistance (squats, lunges) to physical yoga, which amplifies mind-body connection by engaging large muscle groups and supporting glucose storage.
• "Adding in squats...those kinds of additions...lead to a more meditative close to the practice." (Elena, 35:35)
• Emphasizes restorative poses (lying down at the end) for integrating movement and stillness.

Q2: Are There Mantras You’ve Outgrown? ([37:14])

• Kelly from St. Paul asks if there’s a mantra Elena once used but no longer needs.
• Elena responds her practice has distilled over time; she no longer relies on mantras but simply sits in breath and presence (Zazen).
• "I can just let the breath do the work, as it were." (Elena, 37:29)

10. Resources and Final Thoughts

• "The most important thing is to practice being present, to keep returning to that still place inside you." (Throughout)
• Elena’s book Hold Nothing and her site (elenabrower.com) are mentioned as resources.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On meditation:
  "Meditation teaches us to be nobody special." (Don, 00:22)
• On pain and strength:
  "If you have the ability to control your emotions, be in that situation...it’s a superpower." (Don, 02:59)
• On grief:
  "When you grieve the loss of somebody, it's just because you love them so much. How beautiful. That's what grief is. It's just love." (Elena, 15:05)
• On listening:
  "Listening becomes a form of prayer." (Elena, 25:56)
• On death and acceptance:
  "Death and birth are the two absolute facts. If this conversation helps one person to understand that death is actually natural...that’s freedom.” (Elena, 22:38)
• On transformation through service:
  "Every time I leave that place, I feel more full of my own life, more present, more ready for whatever is coming than I've ever felt in my life." (Elena, 24:39)
• On daily practice:
  "Just bring that awareness in and it should be practiced...you will get better and better at it." (Don, 33:16)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:16 | Letting go of limiting stories
• 03:39 | Weights and meditation as emotional tools
• 04:42 | Elena on sobriety and self-numbing
• 06:45 | Elena’s daily meditation routine explained
• 09:32 | Extended meditation retreats and self-forgiveness
• 14:45 | Reframing grief as love
• 16:57 | Supporting those in grief & hospice volunteering
• 21:55 | Zen story on the cycle of life and death
• 25:56 | Listening as a form of prayer
• 28:52 | Guided meditation exercise
• 34:54 | Listener Q&A: Yoga and stress relief
• 37:14 | Listener Q&A: Mantras and meditation evolution

Final Reflections

This episode offers a unique lens on strength—rooted in vulnerability, compassion, and acceptance of life’s transitions. Through Elena’s stories and practical teachings, listeners gain tools not only for fitness, but for cultivating peace and connection through meditation, presence, and courageous acceptance of pain. The conversation is both soothing and deeply practical, making it an inspiring resource for anyone facing inner battles or longing for deeper resilience.