Stuff You Should Know – Selects: How Mail Order Marriages Work
Hosts: Josh Clark & Chuck Bryant
Date: October 4, 2025
Podcast: iHeartPodcasts
Episode Overview
In this episode, Josh and Chuck take a deep dive into the complex world of mail order marriages—now more accurately termed "international marriage brokerage." Through historical context, personal anecdotes, societal analysis, and a fair amount of humor and skepticism, the hosts examine the nuances, controversies, and realities behind this industry. They highlight both the positive stories of agency and love and the much darker aspects involving power imbalances and human trafficking.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Setting the Stage: What Are Mail Order Marriages?
[02:00–06:22]
- Josh introduces mail order marriages as a “murky” subject, with potential for both positive outcomes and very dark consequences:
- “It can be a positive thing like a dating service... but there is certainly a darker side to the whole situation.” – Josh [02:31]
- Chuck notes the lack of hard data, leading to moral panics based on anecdotes rather than facts.
- “When you condemn something based on anecdotal data... what you’ve got there is a moral panic, not necessarily something in reality.” – Chuck [03:45]
- Definition: Typically involves strangers from different countries marrying, usually with the bride moving to the husband’s country. The practice has widened to include same-sex couples and is often facilitated by thousands of online brokerages.
2. Stereotypes, Judgment, and Societal Attitudes
[06:22–08:42]
- The stereotypical image is of older, lonely Western men marrying younger women from places like Ukraine or Southeast Asia.
- Josh and Chuck highlight societal harshness and judginess toward those who seek marriages outside traditional channels, often rooted in gender, dominance, and cultural bias.
- Many agencies openly market the “submissiveness” of international brides, sometimes advertising them as “unspoiled by feminism.”
- “You have potential homemaking savings of $150 a week because you’re essentially getting a... live-in domestic servant.” – Josh [08:08]
3. Global Phenomenon: Not Just an American Issue
[08:42–09:27]
- The practice is widespread globally, especially pronounced in places like Taiwan and South Korea, sometimes even surpassing the U.S. in scale.
4. Historical Roots and Evolution
[09:27–17:36]
- Historian Marcia Zug's book, Buying a Bride, offers a revisionist perspective: mail order marriages have often represented increased agency and rights for women—sometimes even more than they enjoyed “at home.”
- Colonial America saw “tobacco wives”: women imported to help stabilize male-heavy colonies, incentivized by favorable inheritance laws and better legal status than in England.
- “In Virginia... being a widow’s gonna rock. And did we mention also the men are dropping dead like flies over here?” – Chuck [12:16]
- As America expanded west, government-sponsored marriage schemes attracted women to stabilize rowdy male populations.
- “Between 1850 and 1860, the population of women in California increased from 3% to 19% of the total population. So it was working.” – Josh [16:13]
5. Marriage for Love: A Modern Invention
[15:44–16:39]
- The notion of marrying for “true love” is largely a 20th-century Western concept. Historically, marriages—by mail or otherwise—were often built on financial, social, or political arrangements.
6. Emergence of Matrimonial Ads and Personal Agency
[22:42–25:50]
- Beginning in 18th-century England and spreading to the U.S., “matrimonial advertisements” evolved into today’s dating profiles.
- Women subverted arranged marriages through personal ads, a radical act of self-determination at the time.
- By the late 19th century, specialized magazines catered exclusively to marital matchmaking.
- Despite growing agency, those who used such services faced societal ridicule and suspicion about their motives and morality.
7. Racism, Immigration, and Legal Restriction
[25:50–29:27]
- As mail order marriages became international, U.S. laws targeted certain ethnicities (e.g., the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882), motivated by both racist fears and feminist concerns about undermining American women’s rights.
- Loopholes occasionally permitted “picture brides” for Japanese men in the U.S., until a total ban in 1924.
- Criticism grew conflating mail order brides with opportunists seeking green cards or sex workers, accusations that still echo in present-day debates.
8. Power Imbalances and Human Trafficking Concerns
[29:27–32:21]
- The core critique: inherent power imbalance in these marriages—brides may face linguistic, social, and financial isolation; potentially rendering them utterly dependent and vulnerable.
- The broad definition of human trafficking often encompasses situations where women are not forcibly trafficked, but are nonetheless left with no agency upon arrival.
9. Agency, Success Stories, and Moral Judgment
[32:21–35:13]
- Not all mail order marriages are exploitative—some women demonstrate agency, seeking partners and better lives, especially where options are few.
- “To put yourself out there as a mail order bride shows... a lot of initiative compared to just staying back home...” – Chuck [33:05]
- Josh and Chuck underscore the slippery slope of judging individual arrangements between consenting adults.
10. Modern Mail Order Marriages: How It Works Today
[35:29–41:02]
- Outlines the transition from mail-order catalogs (with fees for listings and correspondence) to today's online platforms charging $6,000–$10,000+ per client.
- Some agencies offer “tours” (some legal, some not) where candidates meet brides en masse—an arrangement drawing parallels to sex tourism.
- Medical and psychological evaluations for “brides,” client profiles, and matchmaking for a fee—the commodification is undeniable.
11. Laws, Safeguards, & Vulnerabilities in the Internet Age
[44:28–48:39]
- Discussion of legal frameworks:
- Immigration Marriage Fraud Amendment (1986): Spouse/fiancée visa requires marriage within 3 months; “conditional resident status” lasts two years, during which the bride is highly dependent and vulnerable.
- International Marriage Broker Regulation Act (IMBRA, 2005): Agencies must now provide background checks and information on prospective husbands, helping to balance the information asymmetry.
- “Arrest history, marital history, residence history, if they have kids... now that these agencies have to provide about the men for the women.” – Josh [47:59]
12. The Problem of Data—and the Danger of Moral Panic
[48:39–53:10]
- Data on mail order marriages is scarce and unreliable; estimates range widely (INS: 4-6k, advocacy groups: 11–16k women immigrating annually via marriage brokers).
- Statistics on abuse and murder rates are unclear, but the hosts compare available numbers to show moral panic can obscure real dangers (like domestic violence rates in the general population).
13. LGBTQ+ Mail Order Marriages and Rising Diversity
[53:10–54:18]
- Post-2013 (DOMA decision), mail order marriages include LGBTQ+ couples, sometimes literally saving lives by helping people escape persecution.
- The dynamic is changing: men can also be “mail order husbands” (with an anecdote about recent trends in Ireland).
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “You have potential homemaking savings of $150 a week because you’re essentially getting a... live-in domestic servant.” – Josh [08:08]
- “Being a widow’s gonna rock. Did we mention the men are dropping dead like flies over here?” – Chuck [12:16]
- “Marriage for true love? That’s a very much like a 20th-century proposition.” – Josh [15:46]
- “To put yourself out there as a mail order bride shows... a lot of initiative compared to just staying back home and making do with your lot in life.” – Chuck [33:05]
- “…the question is, is one [side] way more than the other?... Do we need to follow Vietnam’s footsteps and outlaw [it]?” – Chuck [40:37]
- “An American woman is not going to be in the kind of isolated, completely dependent situation that a mail order bride is going to be in.” – Chuck [47:59]
- “You can’t just say... the mail order marriage industry is just a front for human trafficking... That is a moral panic...” – Chuck [49:32]
- “If the mail order bride situation isn’t the real problem, then... we have a real domestic violence problem in this country anyway.” – Josh [52:21]
- “There has been a big time rise in LGBTQ+ people doing the exact same thing... they could literally be saving someone’s life by getting them out of their country over here.” – Josh [53:10]
Timestamps for Important Segments
| Time | Segment | |---------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 02:00 | Defining mail order marriages and their complexity | | 06:22 | Societal judgments and dominant stereotypes | | 09:27 | Global prevalence and history; Marcia Zug’s research | | 11:22 | Colonial America “tobacco wives” and incentivization | | 15:44 | “Marriage for love” as a modern ideal | | 22:42 | Matrimonial advertisements and women’s agency | | 25:50 | Immigration, racism, and legal crackdowns | | 29:27 | Power imbalance and trafficking debates | | 32:21 | Contesting the “victim” narrative, showing bride agency | | 35:29 | How the industry works: brochures to websites & tours | | 44:28 | Legal structures: visas, vulnerabilities, IMBRA | | 48:39 | Scarcity of reliable data; dangers of moral panic | | 53:10 | LGBTQ+ inclusion and mail order husbands |
Conclusion
The episode concludes with Josh and Chuck admitting to the subject’s many ambiguities:
- The mail order marriage industry spans a spectrum from exploitative and dangerous to empowering and even liberating.
- Huge uncertainties remain, both in the data and the ethics, requiring case-by-case consideration rather than blanket condemnation or endorsement.
Final advice: Listeners are encouraged to dig deeper themselves, stay open-minded, and focus energy where it’s most needed—addressing broader domestic violence issues and supporting those in vulnerable cross-national relationships.
[For more resources, check out Marcia Zug’s book "Buying a Bride" and research from the Tahirih Justice Center and Anti-Trafficking International.]