A DM from a listener inspired us...

Summary

Style-ish Podcast Episode Summary

Title: A DM from a Listener Inspired Us...
Host/Author: Shameless Media
Release Date: June 3, 2025

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Introduction: Embracing a New Format

In this special episode of Style-ish, hosts Madison Sullivan Thorpe, Joanna Fleming, and Arnika Joshi introduce a fresh segment inspired by a heartfelt direct message (DM) from a listener named Hannah. This episode marks the beginning of the "Are You Well?" series, where the team delves into wellness-adjacent topics based on audience feedback and polls.

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The "Are You Well?" Segment: Addressing Loneliness

Timestamp: 08:25 - 52:10

Setting the Stage

Madison opens by sharing a DM from Hannah, who expressed a desire to explore how social media impacts feelings of loneliness among Style-ish listeners. This sparks the team's decision to focus on loneliness, a topic they identified as pressing through internal polling.

Understanding the Loneliness Epidemic

Timestamp: 10:18 - 12:39

Madison provides context on the widespread nature of loneliness, citing a Guardian report stating that one in four Australians experienced persistent loneliness for at least eight weeks (Ending Loneliness Together, August 2024). She emphasizes the importance of unpacking this complex emotion, especially in the post-COVID era.

Notable Quote:

"What is both of your relationships with loneliness? And I want to start by acknowledging that this is obviously probably the most vulnerable we're going to be on a Style-ish episode to date."
— Madison Sullivan Thorpe (11:46)

Personal Experiences with Loneliness

The hosts share their individual experiences:

• Arnika Joshi discusses feeling lonely during the COVID-19 lockdowns, especially after ending a long-term relationship and living in isolation. She highlights how being the last in her friend group to marry or have children created a disconnect.

• Joanna Fleming reflects on her transformation from a social butterfly in her early 20s, grappling with severe FOMO, to valuing solitude and meaningful friendships in her mid-30s. She touches upon the loneliness that accompanies personal growth and changing life stages.

• Madison Sullivan Thorpe recounts her battle with loneliness during IVF treatments and the aftermath of becoming single at 27. She underscores the isolating feeling of undergoing such personal challenges without peers to relate to.

Notable Quote:

"When you don't have something to do and you are in that space with your thoughts, it can be a little bit confronting at times."
— Arnika Joshi (25:34)

Impact of Social Media on Loneliness

The discussion pivots to the role of social media:

• Audience Poll: 52% of listeners feel that social media makes them lonelier.

• Key Insights:

  • Comparison Culture: Viewing others' curated lives can exacerbate feelings of loneliness.
  • Superficial Connections: Liking and commenting do not substitute for deep, meaningful relationships.

• Notable Quotes:

  "Like when you doom scroll at night and spend time like looking at other people's lives and comparing your lives, just remember it is all smoke and mirrors."
  — Joanna Fleming (47:42)

  "Social media exacerbates it for sure, but they've found their little sisterhood, and I just want people to feel like they'll find theirs, too."
  — Madison Sullivan Thorpe (30:25)

Loneliness in Romantic Relationships

Exploring the intersection of loneliness and romantic partnerships:

• Findings: 53% of surveyed listeners feel lonely within their romantic relationships.

• Host Reflections:

  • Joanna emphasizes the importance of continuous effort in relationships to prevent loneliness.
  • Madison shares her experience of feeling isolated despite being in a relationship, highlighting that a partner alone cannot fulfill all emotional needs.

Notable Quote:

"If you are constantly feeling this way and this is a long term situation. Yes. You're gonna go through phases where you're on different pages and, you know, life looks a little bit different for each of you, but if this is a constant, that is not your person."
— Arnika Joshi (37:57)

Strategies to Combat Loneliness

The hosts and listeners offer practical solutions:

1. Social Media Breaks: Limiting time spent online to reduce comparison and foster real connections.

2. Building and Nurturing Friendships:

   • Join Clubs or Groups: Engaging in activities like book clubs to meet like-minded individuals.
   • Initiate Contact: Actively reaching out to friends rather than waiting for invitations.
   • Quality over Quantity: Focusing on a few close friendships rather than numerous superficial ones.

3. Engaging in Hobbies:

   • Solo Activities: Pursuing interests that bring joy and fulfillment independently, such as Pilates or visiting a favorite café.

4. Utilizing Podcasts as Companions: Some listeners find comfort in podcasts, feeling like they are conversing with friends.

Notable Quotes:

"If you're ever lonely, get a dog or a cat or a rabbit. I don't know, just get a pet, anything with a pulse."
— Madison Sullivan Thorpe (18:15)

"Find hobbies you like doing alone as well. Like, if you like going to Pilates, go to Pilates."
— Arnika Joshi (46:10)

"We think it's just small interactions that can help poke that loneliness little hole in the gut."
— Madison Sullivan Thorpe (43:07)

The Power of Community and Support Systems

The episode underscores the significance of having a supportive community:

• Listener Feedback: Many appreciate the podcast feeling like a friend, offering a sense of companionship.

• Host Insights: Emphasizing that everyone experiences loneliness differently and that building a support network is crucial.

Notable Quote:

"If you're feeling like you don't have that now, don't think that's forever. There's so many things now. There's run clubs, there's walking groups, there's girls on TikTok."
— Madison Sullivan Thorpe (31:29)

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Conclusion: Moving Forward Together

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reiterate their commitment to addressing wellness topics through the "Are You Well?" series. They emphasize the importance of collective support and open conversations about loneliness, aiming to build a stronger, more connected community among their listeners.

Final Thoughts: Madison poignantly states,

"What we really hope from this segment is that we can come together as only three of a much larger community, but hopefully speak and advocate and bring some light into some of these things that we're all dealing with and balancing with it."
— Madison Sullivan Thorpe (52:06)

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Key Takeaways:

• Loneliness is a widespread issue, affecting a significant portion of the population, especially in the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic.
• Social media can both connect and isolate, depending on how it's used and perceived.
• Meaningful, quality friendships are essential in combating loneliness, often requiring intentional effort to nurture.
• Personal strategies, such as engaging in hobbies, limiting social media use, and seeking community support, can effectively reduce feelings of isolation.
• Open conversations about loneliness and mental wellness are crucial in fostering understanding and support within communities.

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Notable Quotes Recap:

• Madison Sullivan Thorpe:

  "If you're ever lonely, get a dog or a cat or a rabbit."

• Joanna Fleming:

  "Quality over quantity any day."

• Arnika Joshi:

  "What is your purpose, what is my why? Why do I do what I do?"

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This episode of Style-ish serves as a heartfelt exploration of loneliness, offering both personal anecdotes and actionable advice to help listeners navigate their own experiences with isolation and connection. By fostering an open dialogue, the hosts aim to create a supportive environment where listeners feel seen, heard, and less alone.

Transcript

[Arnika Joshi]

Foreign.

[Sponsor]

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[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

This is Stylish, the podcast for all things fashion, brand, business and beauty. My name is Madison Sullivan Thorpe and my co hosts are Joanna Fleming and Arnika Joshi. Sm.

[Joanna Fleming]

Hello, Madison. Hello to Joanna.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Madison, Joanna.

[Arnika Joshi]

Hello, Annika.

[Joanna Fleming]

Jeepers, I feel like I need like a longer name.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah, I think your name's long enough, Annika.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Or Joe needs a second server.

[Arnika Joshi]

I need a double barrel.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Are you gonna double barrel?

[Arnika Joshi]

Maybe I should. Yeah, yeah, let's do that. Because I'm not sold on changing my name entirely.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Okay, well, REE is also double barreled now.

[Arnika Joshi]

Okay, well, now I have to. Yeah, it's a prerequisite if you want to be a host on this show. Well, today we're actually doing something a little bit different before we go on a. So you're not gonna have us in your ears on June 11th or 18th, but we'll be back after that. But for today's episode, we are introducing something new, something different. We thought, why not? We can always change things up, can't we?

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Arnika Joshi]

So before we get into what today's episode is going to entail, we obviously have to start with a swap. We're not changing that. We're still keeping the swap.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah. Also great. We've just left you on a little cliffhanger there.

[Arnika Joshi]

You've gotta keep listening. So, Annika, do you wanna start us off? I always start with you.

[Joanna Fleming]

I know, I love that.

[Arnika Joshi]

Actually, I'll start with Patty today.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Gu.

[Joanna Fleming]

That was like two danglings of two carrots.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Been waiting for my time. I really hope the swap's worth it. Mine's a concept. Today I feel like I haven't bought a product for ages. I'll do that after the break. I promise to bring a product after the break. Mine is a concept. So I started freelancing at the start of the year and I became the distraction princess of my own destiny and it was shit. So I saw this TikTok trend and anyone can do it. You don't have to be freelancing. You can do it in the office. In fact, I wish I had have known about it when I worked in the office. And it's to do 45 minutes on and 10 to 15 minutes off to reset the brain. So 45 minutes is hyperfocus. And so you turn off your email notifications, phone is down. You don't touch it. You don't talk to anyone. There's no interaction in those 15 minutes. That's where you can jump from teams and the emails and the slack channel and flip your phone around and return the call. Go grab the coffee, go move your car. Like do those things. But the idea is that the brain can only really be in hyper focus mode most effectively and productively for 45 minutes. Now, some people struggle with that and can only do 25, but they say to try and aim to stretch up to 45. So I'm loving that.

[Arnika Joshi]

I think I'd really struggle with that. 15 minutes only. I'd want 45 and 45.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

A little training.

[Arnika Joshi]

I need at least 20 minutes. Scrolling TikTok and then I can do the rest.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

It's like a little treat though. Like I feel like the hamster on the wheel and then the hamster gets off the wheel and is like, oh, doom scroll timer. I'm like, oh, I'll text back.

[Arnika Joshi]

What is actually wrong with us?

[Joanna Fleming]

I actually really like this. I feel like I don't do it, but in my mind I'm like, wait, do I do it? Because I kind of reward myself after I, like get through a block of work and then it's like, okay, then I can go and get my coffee or then I can make a tea or have a little snacky snack, but I actually have to do the chunk and then I get that and that happens throughout the day. So maybe I'm just doing it too.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I'll give you a bonus swap. There's these little frozen raspberries that are coated in chocolate that I'm obsessed with called Bombry.

[Arnika Joshi]

Oh, you're gonna sell them out.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I'm really excited to say this because it took me months to be able to buy those again because I posted like one TikTok being like, oh, my go. Those are so yummy. Don't know what that voice was.

[Arnika Joshi]

That wasn't you.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Where did we just go? That was like my little snack monster voice. But I went through a phase where for 45 minutes I'd work and then I could get one little pom in that 15 minute break.

[Joanna Fleming]

Just one.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah. Worthwhile treat, though.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Well, if you're doing it over like seven or eight hours, you've had half the packet.

[Joanna Fleming]

There we go. Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Joe, why don't you go next? Anika, you're actually going to go last today.

[Arnika Joshi]

You always get to first.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

No, go on, Joe.

[Arnika Joshi]

All right, so I've briefly mentioned this in a previous episode. I can't Remember which episode it was? But I briefly mentioned TerraCycle, which Mads, I know you're familiar with because you worked at Mecca, and Mecca have TerraCycle drop off points. They also have them at Priceline, various other stores as well. I think Kiehl's and l' Occitane stores might have them as well.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yes.

[Arnika Joshi]

They also allow you to send in your empties so you can actually download. I believe that you can download a free postage sticker thing to put on the front of a box and you can ship it off to them and they'll do your recycling for you. So if you live in a regional area, you know any of those stores, then you could just do that. But the reason this is so important is because a lot of our beauty products can't actually be recycled in our household recycling bins because they're too small or they have pumps in them and so they can't be properly recycled. So they just end up in landfill anyway. So it is best practice to go to a TerraCycle drop off point. Because I go through so much product doing what I do for a job. I do accumulate a lot of waste as a result of that. And so I try to do my little bit by doing my terracycle drop offs. And at the moment I have three full bags to take, so I do really need to go and do that. They do sit in my spare room for quite some time before I end up dropping them off. But it's just such a great initiative to encourage people to recycle properly. So if you do have empties of your beauty products, makeup, skincare, even hair care, keep them aside in a little bag and then next time you're down the street, go and drop them into your local store that has a drop off point.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Josh, that is one of your best swaps. Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

Oh, thank you. Yeah, I think a lot of people know about that.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

No, and I think you're right. If you're living in metro Melbourne, you're visiting those stores anyway. And if you're not, the fact that you can send them in without it costing you anything when you go and do your iconic return and do that.

[Arnika Joshi]

And you can also go on their Instagram and see how they recycle everything, which I've done that and I've gone and looked at how they do everything and it's really quite interesting how they, like clean all of the plastic and yeah, it's really cool.

[Joanna Fleming]

I feel like this probably contributes to why we're seeing so many beauty brands now doing refillables Like, I love that, that element as well, that you can just have, like the really gorgeous packaging. Like, sometimes I keep the packaging because it's cute, you know?

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah, exactly.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah, I love that. Okay, well, I'm just going to give.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

You a product because, well, someone has to.

[Joanna Fleming]

Someone has to.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Jo and I have not come to the party today.

[Joanna Fleming]

I will literally hold it down for the team.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

No.

[Joanna Fleming]

You both bought a new, amazing, beneficial pieces of insight. But I have been doing so much lately. Life is hectic and I have been very much wanting to, like, not wear makeup. I think as well, with how much I'm traveling, I just like to give my skin a bit of a break and a product that I recently got onto. Okay, you guys are again gonna think I've been living under a rock, which sometimes I am, but merit. I'm just like obsessed with all things merit. You guys, like, wow, that was like three years ago.

[Arnika Joshi]

No, I'm kidding.

[Joanna Fleming]

But one of the products that they have put out, I think recently I'm going to say I could be wrong, but it is the great Skin Instant Glow Serum. And you can kind of just like incorporate it into your skin care. Like, you do it after you've cleansed and put your serums on and then before moisturizer. And it kind of just like makes your whole face just, like, have a really beautiful all over, like, beam. Like one of my friends said on the weekend, I look like sunshine. And I was just laughing. But then James also said it. He was like, your skin's looking really nice lately. And I was like, okay. Weird that you noticed, but thank you.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Go, James.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah, but it is $60 a bot, so it is XY, but one pump goes a long way and the bottles are pretty substantial. So I feel like it's going to be something that I'm excited to kind of continue using in my routine.

[Arnika Joshi]

So.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

No makeup days.

[Joanna Fleming]

No makeup days. But, I mean, I think you could probably wear it underneath and maybe it gives you like a nice glow as well underneath. But I've just been loving it for, like, those no makeup days.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Gorge. Great.

[Joanna Fleming]

There you go.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I love a no makeup day.

[Joanna Fleming]

Should we do it next week?

[Arnika Joshi]

I suggested that.

[Joanna Fleming]

Should we, actually.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I know. And you know what? I want to give my skin some grace because it's usually pretty well behaved, but it's so awful, right? Poor Jo. Every time I've seen her over the last month, I'm like, jo, what the fuck do I do now? Give me some freezies, Jo. Not during this month of turbulence to Me, like, let's go on a month where it's like settled the hell down.

[Arnika Joshi]

Why don't we bell us when she's.

[Joanna Fleming]

Ready, post our little break because the stylish girlies need a break too. Hopefully we'll come back refreshed. I'm not going anywhere but like, you know, have a skin free day.

[Arnika Joshi]

You're going New York.

[Joanna Fleming]

I am.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Maybe I'll just wear an LED mask the whole time.

[Joanna Fleming]

Love it.

[Arnika Joshi]

Anyway, speaking of wellness kind of themes, that's exactly what we're going to be diving into today. So giving you a little bit of background on this episode and an overview of our audience. Because today's whole theme for our are you well episode is loneliness. And this was something that we did poll our audience on. We actually polled ourselves on it in our Slack channel before we decided on whether to talk about loneliness or happiness or other themes as well. And we landed on loneliness because so many of us in the stylish team, not just us as hosts, but our producers as well, we were all really interested to know how our audience felt about loneliness and how that kind of intertwined in their lives. So I wanna read you a DM that we got to start with. Hi, guys. This might sound really random and I don't know if this is outside your wheelhouse, but I will always remember the conversation you guys had around sleep months ago. But I would love to know more about how stylish listeners feel about whether social media makes them feel more or less alone. I'd love to listen to more conversations around lifestyle and wellness on the show because I feel like it all intersects with fashion and beauty so much. And I tend to agree with that. So we thought, you know what, our listener Hannah is absolutely right. We want to see how you're all affected by the relationship between loneliness, social media and general lifestyles. So we polled you all on your experiences, your thoughts, your feelings around loneliness and we're going to unpack it here today. So we've got a name for it. These episodes are going to be called. Are you? Well, they're going to be episodes where we poll you our stylish audience on wellness adjacent topics and then we're going to talk about them on our episodes. We know it's a little bit different for us, isn't it?

[Joanna Fleming]

Yes, it is. But I'm excited because I feel like we all live online. Yeah, me personally, totally. And I've never actually kind of thought how much of this impact how I'm feeling. So I'm actually quite excited to See how we all feel about it and peel back those onion layers.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah. And from our audience as well.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

What I'm most excited about, to your point, Jo, is hearing from the listeners more, because I know we all love opinions, please. And we love hearing from our listeners of what they're debating with or internalizing and struggling with. But what I love about this is that we're going to be surveying everyone. Yeah. And so everyone gets to have a say and we get to see how big or how small a problem is. And it's funny, sometimes those things that can make you feel so isolated are actually shared experiences and social media, of all things. And the intersection with loneliness is probably one of the most prevalent of that. And before we get into the responses, it's probably worth touching on what the loneliness epidemic is because we know it is so prevalent and it feels like a buzz phrase that we're all hearing at the moment. But I think it's still worth us all diving into. So you may be sitting listening to this going, what the hell is the loneliness epidemic? I hear it. Or maybe you even just say it without even thinking. And I was reading this Guardian article that said one in four Australians have reported feeling persistently lone, defined as a period of at least eight weeks according to an Ending Loneliness Together report. And that was published in August, released in 2024, which surveyed participants in the latter half of 2023. What is both of your relationships with loneliness? And I want to start by acknowledging that this is obviously probably the most vulnerable we're going to be on a stylish episode to date. Jo, do you want to go first?

[Arnika Joshi]

Sure. I would say that I am very comfortable being on my own. I don't get fomo. I very much enjoy my own space. So I've definitely had periods of loneliness. Covid was definitely probably the most lonely I've felt in my adult life because I was recently out of a long term relationship. For a period of time I was living with my parents and then I was living with a friend after that. But obviously very isolated from what I was used to being a very busy person, to then going to sitting at home every weekend, not socializing, not going to work. I found that quite challenging from like a loneliness perspective. But generally speaking, I get asked all the time whether I get lonely working on my own because I have my own business. Not at all. I would not go and work at a co working space if you paid me to. I love working at home by myself.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Well, you can't wear the robe in the co.

[Arnika Joshi]

Working space.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Exactly.

[Arnika Joshi]

So I'm okay with that. But I've definitely had experiences of loneliness. And I think being in your late 20s, early 30s, even mid-30s, it is a really challenging time, I think, especially for women, because you can be in entirely different phases of your life to your friendship group.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

And I don't think this is something that we talk about very often, but I am the last person in my friendship group out of my school friends to have a baby or get married. And so I was single for a period of time when all my friends were married or in relationships and talking about having kids. Kids. And you kind of lose things in common because you're not doing the same thing as everyone else. And those conversations keep happening, but you're in a totally different phase of your life. And that can feel really lonely at times. And I really do feel for people that are that person in the group. But it can go the other way. You might be the first person in the group to have a baby, and all your friends are still out going out for drinks on the weekend, and you're at home.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

And so it can go either way. But having had that experience, I'm like, okay, a lot of people are going through that at the moment, where they might be the last one or two in the group to feel that way.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah, I'm very similar. I feel like my experiences with loneliness have been so interesting, and I think they are kind of just based on different stages of my life that I've also been at. Like, I think you better believe it. In my early 20s, I was at every party. I was everywhere and anywhere. Like, she was such a busy girl. And I feel like just being such a social butterfly was kind of who I was. It was part of my job. It was like, networking. I was always out and about, and I did suffer severe FOMO. I hated in my early 20s. Just being left out or not being at parties or certain places where I thought were just gonna be so incredibly amazing. And it wasn't until I got to my mid-20s, where I think I started to have a bit of, like, a priority shift because my relationship became so important as well. Setting myself up for my future kind of was front of mind as well. And that kind of led me to my next stage, which was very much of a hustle mindset. And I don't know if I've spoken to you guys about one of my previous roles, but when I was in my mid-20s, I pretty much lived in the air four months of the year, so I was Constantly traveling. I was always overseas. I was never, ever really. It felt like in Melbourne. And it got to a point where I had kind of told myself that it was okay because I was setting myself up. I was walking towards all these goals for my future that I had laid the foundation for. But in my mind, I guess I said, hard work equal success. But I never really thought, success at what cost? And it got to a point where I remember in my late 20s, I never used to start getting invited to things anymore. People assumed that I was too busy. They assumed I was overseas. They assumed I was working. And that happened not only in my friendship group, but with my family as well. So I missed so many meaningful moments, like weddings, birthdays, Valentine's with James, just so many important events. And I definitely just remember feeling quite isolated and alone. And, yes, that was my choice. And I'm so grateful for a lot of the opportunities that I have had. But it's really, when I reflect on it, just interesting for me to see how much those stages in my life changed my friendship groups. A lot of my girlfriends were then going on to having babies. I'm still the only one that hasn't. But I've got a lot of God children now, which I'm very, very excited about.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I want you to be my godmother. I'm like, great. Can I just choose?

[Joanna Fleming]

I'm ready. I'm literally the fairy godmother. I'm very excited about that role, and I take it very serious. But I just remember just feeling so alone. Like, although I might have been kicking goals and maybe on socials, it looked like my life was so fabulous and glamorous, and I'm traveling on the inside. I remember feeling so alone because I wasn't being able to share a lot of these experiences, even with James at times, because he was on a different time zone. He was somewhere else. And it's now, I think, as I've gotten older and now in my mid-30s, I still experience loneliness, but it just looks different. And I think my biggest learning that I've taken away from this is being busy is not a flex now. I want to appreciate being present. I want to appreciate being here and appreciate how I've also gotten here. Yeah, that was deep.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah, it was.

[Joanna Fleming]

Welcome to my TED Talk.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

But I'm here. I'm listening.

[Arnika Joshi]

What about you, Mads?

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah. I think loneliness to me probably came a little later in life. I became single when I was 27 for the first time since I was, like, 15.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah.

[Sponsor]

Wow.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

And context for me, I have two stepsisters and I have a half sister. So I always had, you know, being in a blended family, I always had siblings around on a weekend, but during the week I was the only child. So me being alone physically, not a new concept, very comfortable. Had always kind of been comfortable in that. Can't relate to the FOMO thing. Didn't in my early 20s, didn't kind of in any of that. But I think probably my first experience before becoming single was going through ivf and I have a low ovarian reserve and I was diagnosed with that when I was 23. The most isolated I have ever felt in my entire life was being a freshly 24 to 28 year old going through IVF because it's very uncommon to find yourself going through IVF when you didn't really want to have a baby at that time, but to be going through that process while your friends are going out and doing the things. What made me feel lonely was not necessarily that I wasn't doing those things, it was that I didn't have anyone my age I could relate to.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

And I'm really grateful to all of the lovely 35 and 40 year old women that I'd worked with at Mecca at that time who reached out and helped me in that. But unless you were 25 and could talk to me about being 25 and in the exact same boat, I just felt so alone. I didn't feel like my partner at the time understood me. Didn't feel like my friends or my family understood me. And so that was probably my first little sprinkle of loneliness. But then becoming single, having my ex move out of the home that we shared. Thank God for a golden retriever. What I would say is, if you're ever lonely, get a dog or a cat or a rabbit. I don't know, just get a pet, anything with a pulse. But for me, I think it was not so much the physical loneliness because I was so used to that and I always loved my own space. It was that feeling of being in a room with people and feeling so misunderstood and so alone. Not physically, but because of where you were at in life. And so like, it's so funny, Joe, you're saying you're one of the last. I was kind of one of the first and then very quickly flipped to now being one of the last.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

So, yeah, that was kind of my experience with it all.

[Arnika Joshi]

I think a lot of people relate to being that person in the group and it can be kind of a shit feeling when you can't relate to anything that you're talking about.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

It's awful.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah. You're like, yeah, I'm on hinge. And they're like, yep. So breast pumps. Very different. Very different. Anyway, we're gonna discuss what loneliness looks like for you, our listeners, but we'll get to that right after a word from today's sponsor.

[Sponsor]

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[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

So we asked you what loneliness looked like to you and the question that we asked was, how lonely are you? 62% of you said sometimes, so that's over 50%. Did these numbers shock either of you when you read them?

[Arnika Joshi]

Not really, no. I think post Covid, yeah, It's like people are doing hybrid working, so they're alone a lot more than they used to be. Maybe less socializing. I don't know if that's just me. Like, I feel like there's less socialising going on than there was previously. We used to be so busy.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the same. I honestly wasn't surprised. I think it's so hard to be connected all the time. And I think like you were saying before Mads, I really now like my own space. I like my alone time. And I think Covid did create that as well. From being the girl who had severe FOMO to now being actually so happy and my own space and my own self. I was not surprised that this was.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

The number I was a little bit. The reason why was, I think Covid. I agree. So many people were kind of isolated then that I kind of thought coming out of the post Covid bubble and having access to physical connection again, and maybe that is blinded a little bit by the fact we were in Melbourne and quite literally physically withheld from people's distance or where we could travel to or how many people we could spend time with. I thought people would maybe not feel as lonely. But then when I started dissecting it myself, I was like, okay, really critically analyze it here. I think during COVID everyone felt like we were running the same race at the same pace.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

And then the minute Covid was over the race, length, duration, speed was all different. And so.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah, so true.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

We're back to that comparison. Whereas when everyone was working from home and then everyone was hybrid working, we kind of eased out all together off the same starting block. Whereas now I think we're really back in this comparison, which I'll give you one nugget that you'll get for free. And I paid a hell of a lot of money for a psychologist to tell me this comparison is the thief of joy.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

A thousand percent retweet. Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

But it's funny because we're talking about this intersection with social media. Technically, we've never been more connected. We have a mobile phone that we can call, texts. I can talk to you on Instagram, DMs, WhatsApp, Slack. I can FaceTime you. I can watch you on Find My Friends. Wow, way to make that sound creepy, Maddie. We've never been able to access human connection more than we do right now.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

So 62% was a pretty high number.

[Arnika Joshi]

And we also asked when you feel the loneliness. And at home was the biggest response, followed by single and dating. Yeah. Interesting. Which doesn't surprise me.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I love that you both were like.

[Arnika Joshi]

Because hinge sucks. I did meet Adrienne there. But it does that whole process, like, it can be really hard. Mad, do you live by yourself? Were you ever nervous around, like, living by yourself? Especially as you transitioned out of working in an office with a lot of people to then going and working by yourself in your own business?

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

Were you a little bit worried about that, given that you like to work around other people? I know you're all for the co working space.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I am for the co working space. And shout out. I'm like, down the road from Shameless media now, so you can run, but I'll find you. I was so lonely when I first started living alone. I think it's just those little Moments you come home, no one asks how your day at work was. No one is there to go, oh, you do the dishes. And I could have easily gone and got a housemate, but I really wanted to kind of face that head on and learn how to get really comfortable in my own space. But as I said, I think like, the loneliest place I felt was actually in social settings. Not so much at home, but end of 2022, all of 2023, I. I felt so, so low and so lonely. I really can't emphasize that enough. And I think anyone looking into my life would never have smelt a hint of that. And I think that's also something that social media has a real role to play. Like, yeah, I'm gonna show you a photo of my cute dog at the dog park, or, you know, my girlfriends and I at the wine bar. It doesn't mean I'm not sitting there going like, fuck. And hinge sucks. So, like, dating is hard and it does make you feel really lonely. But home is naturally where a lot of people feel lonely, I think, because they're in the quiet moments when you are just with you and your thoughts. And whether you live alone or you have a housemate, like, it's when you close your bedroom door and you're in your space by yourself.

[Arnika Joshi]

And we always have something to do. And so I think when you don't have something to do and you are in that space with your thoughts, it can be a little bit confronting at times.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

When do you feel the loneliest for you, Annika? You've got your own business as well. Is it at home? Is it at work?

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah, I mean, it's actually interesting. So one of the girls who used to work with me, she was living in a share house with other girls and it was three girls. And she used to always come to the office and talk about how she felt so lonely in her share house. And I was always interested by that. I was like, what is it about it? And she was just saying that the different stages of life, the different shared experiences, they might have been the same age and all, you know, working professionals, but they had nothing in common. And so she really, really craved that kind of female interaction. Coming home after, you know, a day, having a glass of wine with the girls and kind of being part of that little, I guess, girl gang at home. And she used to always tell us at work how she felt so left out and alone in that share house. It actually did break my heart because I think of sometimes your home being your safe place that's where I actually feel safe. It's not somewhere where I feel lonely. And I think one, I've got the craziest little dog running around. Get a dog if you're lonely, guys. Misa was nuts. But also, obviously, it's a home where I've created memories with my husband and it's somewhere we feel safe. But for me now, loneliness, I actually do feel it in the workplace. And I think not because I have a bad team around me or anything of the sort. The girls are amazing. My team is incredible. But it's more so because I guess as a sole business owner, you have to wear so many hats and the sole decision making falls on me. So sometimes, you know, like I take that very seriously and I think about got a duty of care to everyone, making the best decisions and making sure. Sometimes those decisions also benefit me. And sometimes I find I make decisions that benefit everyone else and not me. And it's just a lonely seat to sit in sometimes. And I think it's really interesting because I've now learned I need to surround myself with like minded individuals, surround myself with great advisors and people who actually can share this experience with me. And that's been really beneficial because it got to a point where you get so bogged down in the bullshit, like those mundane business owner tasks, which I wish we spoke more about. And it kind of makes you forget what is my purpose, what is my why? Why do I do what I do? So that's kind of now where my loneliness sets. Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

We also asked whether social media has made people lonelier. And I think us three had a conversation off mic about this when we were talking about this episode, that for us personally, social media doesn't make us three feel lonely. But 52% of you that listen to this podcast said, yes, it does make you feel lonelier being on social media. And a lot of the sentiment coming through about that was that. But maybe there's that comparison, as you mentioned before, Mads, with other people's friendships. And so that can make you feel lonely or you don't have that same core group of girls that you hang out with and you might not have someone to go out for brunch with on a Sunday. And so there were a lot of those DMs coming through to us, which our producers and we have read. Yeah. And so there is a big sentiment around social media amplifying that feeling of loneliness in comparison. These two quotes, I feel sum it up seeing other people show how not lonely they are and when big Groups of girls get together. I wish I had a big group of girlfriends. And if we're honest, do we tend to post more with our friends because it feels like better to pose with your friends.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I feel really weirdly emotional. You guys know, I need. I know. Joseph, Me. Like, I love my girlfriends. And I feel like my heart breaks for people who might look at that and feel like they don't have. They haven't found their sisterhood yet. And I really emphasize that yet. I get a lot of personal DMs. I honestly think what I'm DM'd the most about is how tall I am. Followed very 163cm, 5 foot 3 and a half. For those asking. But all jokes aside, the other is, how do you have so many friends and where did you meet them and how did you find them? And I can't emphasize enough how important my girlfriends are to me because at that time that I mentioned that I was incredibly lonely and feeling really isolated. The connection of friendship quite literally healed me back from the most horrendous time of my life and what I would only ever describe as a broken heart. Like, my whole life was turned upside down through decisions I had no part in. And I made the decision to walk away. And my girlfriends carried me back to a point that I was brave enough to get back out of my house. Like, I literally didn't leave my home. And so I have so many girlfriends to thank for that. And I would hate to ever think that that isolated other women. But so much work goes into those friendships, too. I feel really passionate that friendships are even more sacred to those who don't have a partner. And it doesn't mean that they value their friends more than someone who does. I really don't want to get my words to be minced up here. I just think when you don't have a partner there with a birthday card and a wrapped gift or someone who's thinking of what to get you for Christmas or someone to take you for the dinner when you get the job. I get emotional because I had the friends who, when I left Mecca and when I started stylish, had the flowers delivered and took me for the reservation. Like girls show up for you in the way your partner wouldn't. And I think if you're feeling like you don't have that now, don't think that's forever. Yeah, there's so many things now. There's run clubs, there's walking groups, there's girls on TikTok. I remember when Gracie's this wine bar opened in Melbourne. This girl was like, I've just moved from another city. I don't have any friends. But I really want to go and support this young girl who's opening a wine bar. And I'm going to be there at six o' clock. Anyone who wants to come, drop a comment. There are small little moments of bravery that you need to have to find your people, and everyone you meet won't be your person. Yeah, social media exacerbates it for sure, but they've found their little sisterhood, and I just want people to feel like they'll find theirs, too. Do you guys feel like.

[Joanna Fleming]

I literally feel like we all have tears in our eyes. I'm just sitting here and I'm like, that was so beautiful, Mads. And I think that raw, just emotion, so many people will relate to her. Because even I think sometimes when you are in relationships, you do lose sight of your sisterhood, and I think it's so important. I actually saw this TikTok, and I'm gonna try and find it, because it was when this couple got married and the grandmother gave a speech, and one thing that she said was, congratulations, obviously, on the marriage. But now that you're married, do not give up on your friends. Your friends are who you need. Your friends will show up for all of those big life moments. They will be there for the birth of your children. They will be there to look after your kids, do the school pickups. They will be your people when maybe your husband is not. And it's something that now I just now say to a lot of my friends when they get engaged. I'm like, don't you forget about me. I'll be that one.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I was here before. He was.

[Joanna Fleming]

I think it is such a privilege to actually have these types of relationships and to have these friendships. And sometimes we do lose sight of it, because any relationship takes work. We are all gardens, and we need to water those gardens and make sure that we are caring for the relationships we have in our lives. Because at each season in our life, those groups will change. And I feel heartfelt about that as well, because I'm just like those girls that don't have that. I want you to experience it, and it will come and you will find your people.

[Arnika Joshi]

And also, you don't have to have eight really close girlfriends. I think that's something really important as well. We did survey our audience about that, and 37% of you have between one and three close friends.

[Joanna Fleming]

So I think I'm part of that. I Think I actually have three close friends who I confined my whole life into. Like they know every little bit about me.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

If anyone hasn't read it, there's a really beautiful narrative that's often shared about the seven rings of life. And so it's this idea that that intimate circle could just be one person and slowly those friendships and relationships and interactions can go over seven rings right out to sort of acquaintances or colleagues and things like that. And I think it's just important to remember it's not how many you can count on your hand. If you've got 10, lucky you. If you've got one, also lucky you. Because the weight and magnitude and power of that companionship and friendship is not about the number of fingers that you get to put up.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah, totally. Quality over quantity any day.

[Arnika Joshi]

And just to come back to the social media side of things as well, which was kind of what we started talking about, don't compare your friendships that you have to what you're seeing online because you're probably not seeing those moments of loneliness that even people with, with close groups of girlfriends are also feeling in certain times of their life as well. I did see that 46% of our listeners spend between three and six hours on their phone per day. So that's a lot of time to be deep in it and being like, oh, they hang out with their friends all the time. But a lot of the time I don't post when I'm hanging out with my friends.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Totally the sign of my.

[Arnika Joshi]

I probably look like a loner.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Probably signs of my best night are when no one picks up a phone unless it's like at my 30th, I was like, guys, I've like, like done full glam, Please do take photos. I'm joking. Absolutely not. But I also think hot tier self protection is key. Yeah. So what I've learned about myself and social media moderation is that holiday times can feel really lonely for me. I've lost some super important people to me. And so for someone who's maybe struggling with friendships or things like that, if you know there's more social times of the year. So perfect examples of these long weekends, Easter breaks, holiday seasons, Valentine's Day, any of those things, you have to be responsible to protect your peace as well.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Pull away from it, don't sit on TikTok, don't go on Instagram, it's not going to make you feel good. Go for a walk, go get a coffee by yourself, grab a girlfriend, go for a walk, go to your mum's house. Like just go where you need to go to protect your peace. Yeah, but it's like opening a wound. Just don't pour the vinegar on it. You know, you've got to protect your peace a little bit too.

[Sponsor]

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[Arnika Joshi]

And so tying this whole conversation into relationships. Now, how does loneliness intersect with romantic relationships? 53% of people still feel lonely in their romantic relationship out of the people that we surveyed, which I think is extremely high stagnant in my opinion. Yeah. Do you agree?

[Joanna Fleming]

I do. And I honestly think that sometimes people stay in bad relationships or they settle for less than they deserve because of that fear of being alone. Like I have so many girlfriends who probably stayed on too long and we all kind of had those I told you so moments, which is so shit to even say, but looking at myself, I've been in a relationship now for 11 years. We have seen every side of each other and not all of those sides have been pretty. It has taken a lot of work and a lot of commitment to actually continue working on our relationship and nurturing our relationship. I am not the same girl I was 10 years ago, five years ago. And being in a relationship as well, you can sometimes feel lonely, especially if you're growing at different rates, if you're not growing in the same direction. And I think James and I have actually just committed to each other to constantly put that work in. I definitely think relationships, any relationship just takes constant work.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Jo, do you find cause Adrian obviously does shift work. Do you find you feel lonely when he's physically not with you?

[Arnika Joshi]

No. I would have been part of this 53% had you asked me just over five years ago.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

In a previous long term relationship. So lonely.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

Was hyper independent because I had to be.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

But I can't stress this enough. If you are constantly feeling this way and this is a long term situation. Yes. You're gonna go through phases where you're on different pages and, you know, life looks a little bit different for each of you, but if this is a constant, that is not your person.

[Joanna Fleming]

Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

Like, I can fully say that I do not feel that way with Adrian. He has never made me feel alone. He makes me feel we are in a partnership. I just know that he has my back. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel comfortable. I've never experienced that prior to being with him.

[Joanna Fleming]

I couldn't love this man anymore.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Like, Jo.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

There's your wedding vows done. My eyes are wet. There's straw in here.

[Joanna Fleming]

That actually might make people feel lonely.

[Sponsor]

Yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

I'm sorry if that does.

[Joanna Fleming]

No, that was beautiful.

[Arnika Joshi]

I have to reiterate that I was that 53%. And I think a lot of people assume that's a normal feeling if they've never had a relationship where they don't feel lonely in it. And that's just my piece of advice as someone that is probably older than a portion of you listening to this.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

She's pulled out the age card.

[Joanna Fleming]

She's joining my world.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

It's such important advice, though, and I think you're so right, Anika, that so many people feel so scared to be physically alone. It's like, it's too bad to stay, but too good to leave sort of thing. Yeah, I can't emphasise enough as someone who did walk away from a relationship where, Jo, I probably do empathize with you a lot. Where I. I was hyper independent and felt really lonely a lot of the time. And hindsight's a beautiful thing, but you don't really get it until you're out of something, sadly. Be great if you could pre purchase that one, but you will find so much growth in the discomfort of being alone and having to find that space and learn to really like yourself. And you will build the community and the friends will show up in ways for you you didn't think you would ever need or ask for. And you will grow and develop. But I agree, yes, you can feel lonely some of the time, but you really have to critically evaluate how. How often is that a feeling? Because, no, your romantic partner cannot be everything to you. Yeah, you're allowed to feel lonely with them, but if that's like your overarching feeling, you've really got to look in with there.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah, agree with that. So how do our community deal with loneliness? What works for you guys that listen to this podcast? So some ideas from our own listeners taking social media breaks and seeking True connection over digital ones where possible. Another listener said, I joined a book club and even though we meet monthly, I feel connected, which is a great idea. And another listener said, ask friends to hang out more. Don't anticipate they'll be busy and not ask. I think that's really important to communicate that, not assume. Like as you said earlier at the top of the episode, Annika, like, you stopped being asked to come places because you were always busy. So it's kind of similar. Similar to that, where you just need to communicate a little bit more. Don't assume that someone's not gonna wanna drop what they're doing even if they are working and meet you for a wine.

[Joanna Fleming]

Exactly. And I feel like as well, it's so important to normalise that it's okay to feel lonely. And I think staggering numbers we talked about before, being one in four people do experience feeling lonely. You know, we're not alone in that. And I think it's okay as well to express how you feel. Be that stage five clinger that picks up the phone and dials over and over just to make sure you can talk to your friends. Send the voice note, send all of those things so you can feel connected. I feel like. I don't even know if this is something I should recommend, but whenever I'm in the car, I always call someone and I will literally go through my phone book. Just turn it through your car.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Right? I just want to. Before Vic Pole come for you.

[Joanna Fleming]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Hands free, everybody. Safety first. But I will call anyone and everyone till someone picks up.

[Arnika Joshi]

That's so funny. Adrian does the same thing.

[Joanna Fleming]

I need to add his number.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah, you should. You actually should.

[Joanna Fleming]

But I honestly, it's so funny now because I have now become that person that people call when they're in the car. And sometimes it might be so inconvenient for me, but I'll pick up. And it's like, my mum does it all the time. And I'm like, oh, you're in the car. I hear the echo, I hear all the hard brakes, I hear everything going on. But it's just finding ways to feel connected when you lead such busy lives as well. I use my calendar. If you get a calendar invite from me, you know, I'm showing up. I take outlook so seriously and I will be there. It might be early, I don't know, but. But it's just finding those ways to actually book in, check in, and make sure that you kind of stick to a routine with your friends, even James and I we now use the calendar app and we're like, oh, we've got a date night coming up this week and it's something that I start to look forward to when I see during my working week. I've got that in my calendar.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yes, I fully back having something to look forward to. I think that's really important if you're in a period of loneliness is to have a little bit of structure to your week where you've got something to look forward to, whether it's catching up with a friend or even going on a date with someone. Like if you are single, like having.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Something sometimes that can make you feel lonely.

[Arnika Joshi]

It's just something where you know you're going to have some human interaction. If you're spending a lot of your day alone, if you're working from home, if you own your own business, if you're not getting that kind of time with people, having that thing in the diary can just really keep you going.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah. Can I give some advice just on little moments that might help just in the day. So when I was really struggling, I went to the same coffee shop every morning and I went because I knew that no matter what I would get to have a conversation with my barista. What I learned about my barista was his partner's name, his dog's name, how naughty his dog was, how his stepson was doing, how the cafe was going, the renovations they were doing at their house. That 10 minutes at the worst time of my life made me feel like someone knew about me and I had taken the time to know about someone. I went to the same dog park at the same time every day because most people were doing the same thing. Belinda and Jo shout out to the both of them. I don't live in that area anymore. I still chat to them probably once a fortnight. I love that they are in such different phases of their life. Belinda is a mum of three grown children and Jo is mum to three year old Jimmy and we should not have had anything in common. And yet they were my favourite people to connect with and chat with. Joe and I are desperately trying to get a date. We can put a dinner in and it will come down the track and yeah, like Joe and Belinda aren't the obvious friends. What I find so fascinating that I think is really important to remember is I think as a society we really celebrate having those childhood or high school friends which if you have them, beautiful, I have them too. But I don't have an abundance of girlfriends still from high school. I've Got a couple that I hold so dearly. But I've worked in some amazing organizations and clearly gone to some great dog parks, too. I think it's really important to remember there's also great networks that you can create and connections that you can have as you get older in life. And that great friendships aren't always tenure. It's about connection and spark and aligned values. And so you never know where they might be hiding out. It might be on the Pilates bed next to you, or it might be next to you on the airplane or at the dog park. But there's just little moments that I would really urge you to go. Places that are crowded. If you're working for yourself or you have a day where you work from home, if you have two or three hours meeting free, can you go and sit in a cafe where maybe someone next to you might even just ask what you do for work? Like these little interactions that I just think physically, sometimes being around people can help just poke that loneliness little hole in the gut.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

So I think those little things, but agree with everything you say too. And I think also knowing what it is you need, don't go. I'm lonely. I must go for dinner with eight girlfriends. Because if one girlfriend and a lap of the local lake or your favorite park is actually going to help fulfill that connection, that will fulfill you in spades. Versus sitting at a table of eight yappers trying to get a word in.

[Arnika Joshi]

And I also encourage you to find hobbies you like doing alone as well. Like, if you like going to Pilates, go to Pilates. If you like going to Chadstone on a Friday and just wandering around in your break between meetings, and that's what makes you kind of feel happy. Go and do those things that make you feel happy and gives you that kind of release that you need. And I guess the endorphins.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Arnika Joshi]

The dopamine hit of going into, like your local shopping center and just having a look around, even if you're not buying anything, those kind of things that you can do on your own and aren't going to make you feel lonely while you're doing them are really important, I think.

[Joanna Fleming]

Definitely. I also think just going back to our previous point, for me, while I'm listening to both of you guys, I have just realized I am like a serial social media user. Like a commenter, a liker. Like, a lot of my relationships, I think are so superficial in that way because in my mind, I think I've checked in. I know everything you've got going on in your lives because I saw it on a story, I liked it, I might have responded, but I actually haven't engaged with you. This is such a surface level thing of being connected. And I get yes, I am lazy. Like I actually do need to check when I leave here, I'm gonna go and call someone. But it's like. But I feel like as well, if you do have those times of loneliness, don't think that social media will fill that void. Cause I think it can totally exasperate it. And I think those connections. Because when you doom scroll at night and spend time like looking at other people's lives and comparing your lives, just remember it is all smoke and mirrors. And it's like, like mad said it is. I haven't posted myself crying. I mean I could do that for you when I have my next shitty time. But it's like, like we are posting a lot of the times in those big IG dumps. The good, the fun. It's a curation of amazing bullshit that we've just experienced. You'll see one from me with my New York post coming up. But it's like we are human too. And I think it's just so important to talk more about our loneliness.

[Arnika Joshi]

Yeah. And a lot of us aren't vulnerable enough to get online and be like, hey, I'm having the shittest time ever. And I want to tell everyone that I don't know about it. Like there's not many of us that are willing to do that. There are some very generous people with their vulnerability willing to do that and make other feel less alone. But a lot of us won't do that. And we've all had those periods in our life.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Totally. And it's not everyone's responsibility to do that for other people. And relationships are hard and they take a lot of work. And I really believe that you have to check in with your friends and find out how they're doing. Because you never know how lonely they might be feeling. And the same way that they may not know that about you. And just like you talking about being with James for 11 years or not feeling lonely with Adrian, like, like put the work in. If you know that your girlfriend drives to work at 7:30 every morning and you're out walking the dog at that time. Cause you do different hours. That's your time. Like if you know the friend loves the phone call, no matter how much you hate it, you gotta do it. You're both laughing. Cause you know I'm the Caller, I'm.

[Joanna Fleming]

Laughing because one of my girlfriends has no shame in a five minute vm. Like, those voice messages, when they come through, I dread them. But then I love hearing her voice and I hear the kids screaming in the background, and I hear it all. I'm like, okay, no, I did love that. I had a laugh. And then if I'm feeling really generous, I'll give her a five minute one back.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

I feel so sane right now because my girlfriends always go, oh, we didn't know that we were getting a solo stylish episode.

[Arnika Joshi]

One other thing that came through from our audience, and I don't want to discount this because I think that that kind of connection is a really real thing. And it's listening to podcasts. A lot of people really kindly sent in that they felt like they were listening to friends when they were listening to us. And I've had that same experience on the previous podcast that I worked for, especially during COVID The feedback that I was receiving was that people were finding that easier to get through because they were listening to someone, and it was a bit of a reprieve from their daily life. And I'm personally a real podcast person. I'm not a phone call in the car. So I actually really like listening to other people on podcasts while I'm driving or while I'm walking, because that does make me feel less alone. So I definitely relate to those people who feel that way. I think, Mads, you felt like Zara, Michelle were your friends before you knew them.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Felt all of them. Yeah. Zara and Michelle were totally my friends before I knew them. When I did eventually meet them, I was like, hey, girls. I felt like I was just catching up where we left off. They had never met me.

[Arnika Joshi]

I actually saw a TikTok the other day of someone that was in the car with their grandma, I think, and they were listening to a podcast, and when they got out, the grandma was like, are you okay? Because they thought that there was a phone call.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Oh.

[Arnika Joshi]

And then they weren't letting me them speak. And I'm like, no, no, that was a podcast.

[Joanna Fleming]

It's a podcast, Nan.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah.

[Joanna Fleming]

Oh, my God, please.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

It's so true, though. And I mean, Alex Cooper doesn't know it yet, but I think we'd have a lovely time over a glass of wine together. And the two guys who run Acquired. Well, anytime you want to go for a steak, boys, I'm here, ready and waiting. But also, like, be brave and chat to people if you think they're interesting or you connect with them on social platforms and things like that. Saying off mic, the other week I was at a dinner with Ray and, and this lovely lady, Mia, came over and was like, I love stylish guys. You know, it feels like I'm hanging out with my friends. I was like, oh, my God. She's like, I'm so sorry to interrupt. I was like, I felt like saying, mia, do you want to grab a glass of wine and share as well? You're welcome to join us. I didn't because she was with other people and I thought that would be weird for her, but she was so sweet. And it's those moments where we got a moment of connection just as much as Mia did as well. And so I think if you ever see, you know, when they say, like, don't meet people that you listen to or observe or whatever, I'm like, like, I'm the first person to go up and introduce myself.

[Joanna Fleming]

I love that. And if you're still, you know, looking for your sisterhood, just know you've got a stylish sisterhood too. We're here for you.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

What I think is most beautiful about this episode and what will hopefully be the most beautiful about this segment is that we're all in this together. And I'm hoping that even with the variance in our answers, you know, Jo, as you said, you're in a really privileged position right now that you don't feel really lonely that often. But you've also acknowledged that there was a time that wasn't the case for you. And so what we really hope from this segment is that we can come together as only three of a much larger community, but hopefully speak and advocate and bring some light into some of these things that we're all dealing with and balancing with it. Different seasons and different phases of our lives and hopefully we can dissect it and unpack it together.

[Arnika Joshi]

Lots more to come from Are youe well in Future?

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

Yeah. But that's all for this week's episode of Stylish. And as Jo mentioned, we're going to have a little break, so we hope you enjoy this one. Please do let us know what you think. This is obviously a different format. Thank you. Ana Katoshi Smith and Joanna Fleming. I look forward to seeing you after.

[Joanna Fleming]

The break, but I'll miss you guys. I know. Bye, guys.

[Madison Sullivan Thorpe]

You won't need to. You'll get 5 minute voice notes from Monica and I. Yay. Remember, you can drop us an email anytime@style-ishameless media.com or as I mentioned, Please do feel free to slide into our DMS over Tylishpod. We'd love to hear what you think. And we can't forget to thank the wonderful team who make this possible, our audio engineer, Liam Clayton, and the Shameless media team, head of podcast Lucy Hunt, and senior podcast producer Kate Emma Burke. We also hope you guys have a great break. We look forward to being back with you on the 25th of June. See you then.

[Arnika Joshi]

Bye Bye.

[Joanna Fleming]

This podcast was recorded on Wurundjeri land. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land.