Style-ish Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: Style-ish (Shameless Media)
Episode: One of the hardest conversations we’ve ever had to have
Date: September 30, 2025
Hosts: Madison Sullivan Thorpe (“Mads”), Joanna Fleming (“Jo”), Annika Doshi Smith (“Annika”)

Overview

This deeply personal episode of Style-ish departs from the usual fashion and beauty banter to tackle a complex, emotionally charged topic: deciding if and when to have children. With candor and vulnerability, hosts Madison, Joanna, and Annika share their own journeys with fertility, pregnancy, loss, ambivalence, and hope. The discussion is interwoven with listener survey responses, societal context, and expert advice, making it both relatable and informative for anyone navigating questions of parenthood.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Why This Conversation

• Opening: The episode comes with a content warning for sensitive discussions, particularly pregnancy loss ([00:00]-[00:10]).
• The team acknowledges nervousness, vulnerability, and the importance of breaking the silence on such rarely discussed issues ([00:44]-[01:10]).
• Framing: Inspired by prior “R U Well” episodes (e.g., on loneliness), this installment uses survey data and lived experiences to explore the many facets of reproductive choice ([09:49]-[11:02]).

2. A Lighthearted Start: Weekly “Swaps”

• Japanese head spas—Annika’s rave review for a self-care experience, and the joy of gifting experiences ([01:37]-[04:28]).
• Jo spotlights Pinchapoo, a charity redistributing personal hygiene products to those in need ([04:39]-[06:44]).
• Madison’s rediscovery of Avene Thermal Mist, inspired by skincare influencer Pia Mance ([06:55]-[08:33]). Tone: Friendly, humorous, upbeat—setting the emotional contrast for the heavier main topic.

3. The State of Fertility — Societal and Personal Context

• Stats: Australian women are having fewer children, and at older ages ([11:02]).
• Personal Pledges: Each host commits to sharing their personal context, to model openness before diving into audience survey results ([12:28]).

4. Narratives of Fertility, Pregnancy, and Choice

Each host shares her experience in detail. Notable quotes and timestamps included for key emotional and insight moments.

A. Annika’s Story — Loss, Resilience, and Hope

• Pregnant at 16 weeks but “the journey has been incredibly tough” ([12:28]-[13:03]).
• Loss of her father (July 2023) was followed by two miscarriages—one just before Christmas, another as a missed miscarriage at her ten-week scan ([13:03]-[16:09]).
  • “I thought there’s something wrong with me. … It was like a brain cloud was constantly over my head.” – Annika ([16:12])
• Support from her husband, James, was vital. Seeking help from a fertility specialist (Dr. Raelia Liu) eventually brought them hope ([17:53]).
• No clear medical issues surfaced - “the hardest result to receive” - but a plan and lifestyle overhaul followed ([19:53]-[21:27]).
• Conceived naturally after surgery to remove uterine polyps: “James and I literally did the deed once, and lo and behold, fell pregnant straight away” ([21:28]).
• On opening up: “If I can be anyone else's support or reassurance: you're not alone. This is so common, and I wish we spoke about it more.” ([22:50])
• Spiritual comfort: “When I was really lost, I went and had a spiritual reading, and the beautiful woman told me that she could see both of my little souls sitting there with my dad.” ([22:50])

B. Jo’s Perspective — The Undecided Heart

• Is honest about never having tried for children and feeling “undecided” ([25:18]).
  • “I value my career, my independence, my freedom, my sleep. And I just don’t know whether I can give that up.” ([26:54])
• Navigating a relationship where her partner is ready for children but she isn’t sure ([26:49]–[28:49]).
• The societal assumption that women always want kids, particularly post-wedding, is challenging: “I don’t know whether there are a lot of people that feel like me and feel really anxious about it and think about it constantly.” ([30:08])
• Financial considerations loom large, especially as a business owner without a safety net ([29:08]).
• Emotional complexity: “If that choice was taken away from me, I might think about it differently…” ([29:01])

C. Madison’s Experience — Infertility, Acceptance, and Redefining Hope

• Diagnosed with early onset menopause at 23, forced to face fertility challenges early ([31:01]).
  • “It’s taken a lot of hours and a lot of years with quite intense therapy to be able to sit here and say that.”
• Balances the desire to be a mother with the acceptance that life may be fulfilling without children ([31:01]-[34:28]).
• Determined: “I won’t do it with the wrong person and I will happily do it by myself.”
  • On role models: “A child does not always need to be your biological child to showcase love.”
• Finds comfort in community and in her “village”: “I just feel like I have a village that’s better than most men. … We’d raise a kid way better than a man could.” ([34:28])

5. Audience Survey Insights — Reflections, Trends, and Emotional Realities

• Survey participation: Audience questions covered children, desire, dominant feelings, biggest worries, stress factors, pressure, and ideal timing ([35:55] onwards).
• Do you have/want children? (36:41)
  • 70% don’t currently have children.
  • 68.8% want children, 22% unsure, 9.1% don’t want them.
• Dominant Feelings (37:52)
  • Overwhelmed (42.8%), excited (38.4%), fearful (18.8%).
  • “These statistics made me feel way less alone, and I felt comfort that I’m not the only one freaking the fuck out. A lot of you also are.“ – Jo ([38:09])
• Biggest Stressors (40:21):
  • Lifestyle changes (39%), finances (29.4%), career progression (16.1%), relationship (9.1%), body changes (6.1%).
  • Hosts discuss personal stress points: career, choosing the right partner, and giving up personal identity for motherhood.
• Pressure To Have Children (43:14):
  • 49.1% sometimes feel pressure, 14.5% all the time.
  • “There’s just this assumption that the woman in the relationship must be the one that wants to have the children…when in some instances, it is [the man].” – Jo ([44:14])
  • Madison’s advice: Phrase questions as “Would you like to have a family?” for greater sensitivity ([45:47]).
• Fertility Worries (46:49): 47.3% sometimes worry, 34.8% “all the time.” Both cost and emotional exhaustion highlighted ([49:08]-[50:39]).
• Ideal Age To Have Children (51:16):
  • Most responses cluster around ages 30, 32, and 35. Hosts reflect on how life and career ambitions influence this number—and the loaded term “geriatric pregnancy” for over-35s ([51:16]-[53:05]).
• Partner As Core Consideration (63:31):
  • 74.7% wouldn’t consider children without the right partner.
  • Hosts emphasize not settling, importance of high standards, and the value of self-reliance and support networks ([55:54]-[66:10]).
  • “Do not pick a man because you want to have children. Pick a man you want to have children with.” – Madison ([55:54])
• Decision Not To Have Children (70:20):
  • Key themes: realized no desire, tough fertility journey, financial stress, concern for the world's future.
  • Guest Dani Duncan: “It wasn’t something I’d ever actually wanted to do, rather it was something I’d been conditioned to believe was inevitable… At the end of the day, that’s all I want for women: to know there is a choice.” ([70:33])
  • Hosts note how child-free women attract scrutiny and vitriol, highlighting societal double standards ([71:38]).

6. Memorable Quotes & Emotional Highlights

• “There is never going to be a right time on this journey, but just make sure you protect your head and your heart first.” – Annika quoting her doctor ([13:03])
• “I value my career, my independence, my freedom, my sleep. And I just don’t know whether I can give that up.” – Jo ([26:54])
• “I would love nothing more than to be a mum, but I also really love the idea of my life without children. And I have had to work really hard to be able to say both of those things and for them to coexist...” – Madison ([31:01])
• “If I can be anyone else's support or reassurance: you're not alone.” – Annika ([22:50])
• “I do not wish to be outnumbered. … If I am a single mother, I will have one child. If I have a partner, it’s two max.” – Madison ([53:06])
• “I feel like I have a village that’s better than most men. ... We'd raise a kid way better than a man could." – Madison ([34:28])
• “What you tolerate from your partner, your children will inherit.” – Madison ([54:48])
• “Deciding not to have children is as permanent as deciding to have them.” – Madison ([61:36])
• “At the end of the day, that's all I want for women: to know there is a choice. And whether you choose to become a mum or you choose not to, each life is beautiful and fulfilling.” – Dani Duncan ([71:38])

7. Listener Letters & Outside Perspectives

• Several survey responses highlight a theme of evolving agency and self-reflection—moving from “assumption” to “choice."
• Dani Duncan’s contribution powerfully affirms that fulfillment comes in many forms ([70:33]).

Notable Timestamps

• [12:28] Annika shares her fertility and loss journey.
• [25:18] Jo’s ambivalence and thought process.
• [31:01] Madison’s experience with early menopause and reframing motherhood.
• [35:55] Survey results segment.
• [40:21] Addressing biggest worries and pressures.
• [43:14] Societal and familial pressure to have children.
• [55:54] Choosing the right partner for parenthood.
• [70:33] Dani Duncan’s child-free-by-choice narrative.

Conclusion

Tone: Honest, supportive, humorous at times, unflinchingly vulnerable.

The hosts of Style-ish use this extended episode to voice the realities of modern motherhood—or the lack thereof—addressing anxieties, societal pressures, medical challenges, and the fulfillment found on all sides of the debate. Whether through Annika’s triumph after heartbreak, Jo’s thought-provoking ambivalence, or Madison’s resilience and self-advocacy, listeners are left with the sense that there is no singular path to happiness or womanhood.

Final Sentiment:
“At the end of the day, that's all I want for women: to know there is a choice. And whether you choose to become a mum or you choose not to, each life is beautiful and fulfilling.” – [71:38]