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Foreign.
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This episode of Stylish is brought to you by the new Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation. The original bridal base, now reformulated so it's more breathable, more buildable, and available in more shades. Welcome back to the wedding series by Stylish.
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C
This is a three part series all about guys. It's very obvious.
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It's about wedding culture.
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I'm Rhiannon Joyce.
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And I'm Jo Fleming.
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And we have a very special guest
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on today's episode, someone who actually got
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married in 2025 and has lots of
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great learnings to share. Podcaster and writer, Jasmine Wallace.
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C
Welcome, Jasmine.
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A
Thank you for having me. It's so nice.
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B
How are you feeling?
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A
I'm feeling good. Excited to reflect on something that happened. Yeah. About four months ago.
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D
Okay.
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C
Fresh.
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A
So you're like Jo, very fresh.
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D
I think we were only a couple of weeks apart.
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A
Yeah. I was the 8th of November. Yes.
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D
And I was the 29th. And I remember us chatting about our weddings. Maybe like 10 months before or 11 months maybe.
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A
Yes. At a dinner party, I was like, jo, I'm getting married. Like, what should I do with my skin?
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C
And you gave me.
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A
So I was literally, like writing down on a napkin. It's like, dinner party.
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C
Poor Jo. I don't think she's come across anyone who hasn't interrogated her. What is my skin routine? Judge my face right now and tell
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me everything I need in this dim lighting of this, like, dinner party.
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D
Yeah, it was a little hard to do an analysis, but I was at an event the other night and a male photographer was shooting the event, and he came up to me and he goes, I'm getting married in six weeks. Do I need to do for my skin too?
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C
Weight, babe. Yeah, we all know three months. Okay, okay.
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B
Let's not jump ahead too far, Jo.
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C
Go give some racks later in the app. But for those of you who don't
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know, this is actually our second wedding series.
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C
So Joe and I had three episodes in our previous season that actually ran.
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D
Oh, God.
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C
Almost over a year ago.
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D
Yeah. Which neither of us have gotten married yet.
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C
No, it was pre wedding.
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B
So this is all post wedding chat,
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C
which is really timely and exciting because now that we've had our weddings, which we did go into quite a bit of detail in the first episode. So if you haven't listened to that, go back and listen. There are inevitably a few things that you regret post wedding, and that's a very normal thing that people feel and experience, you know, post wedding day regrets. And I do want to Call out and say a big thank you to all of the listeners who actually contributed to this segment because we will be pulling on some stats that you contributed to. But also quite a few of our listeners actually shared some emotional DMs. So we just want to acknowledge up top that it is really normal to have wedding day regrets. It doesn't mean your day wasn't perfect. It doesn't mean it wasn't incredibly special to you. Joe and I shared a lot about what made our wedding day so special in the first episode. But regrets are normal.
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D
Yeah. And regrets can be kind of hard to talk about, especially when there's so much like time and effort and also money tied to this regret as well. But we're going to get into that later. First jazz. So let's hear your elevator pitch. Tell us a little bit about your wedding day.
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I got married, like I said, in November and we only had 47 guests, so it was very intimate. We got married in. It was like garden wedding. Then we had a little historic, like a heritage cottage in the middle of the city. We looked at a few different venues in the city and we wanted to be in the city because people were flying from over from the uk.
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C
My pastor, this is Melbourne.
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A
This is Melbourne city. Yeah, sorry, people flying over from the uk. So then I thought, well, they're flying all the way here and then I'm going to make them travel to like the peninsula or something. So we're like, no, we'll do in Melbourne. Fell in love with this like heritage cottage, but the back garden as the backdrop, getting married under this beautiful big tree. And it was an evening wedding, so started at about 5 o'. Clock. I wore Honeymoon, the labels, so I had like a kind of bodice and then it was like three parts my dress, so like a long sleeve shirt underneath with like floral trimmings, a bodice up top and a high waisted skirt that was almost like a pencil skirt. And my veil, of course it had like flowers all through it. So it's very much like the garden aesthetic is what I was envisioning. My partner wore and his brother wore kilts because they're half Scottish. And that was like what my mood board was, was just like very authentic to who we are as people. I was so conscious of not getting caught up in like Instagram hype, TikTok hype and kind of monetizing our wedding or like creating too much content out of it. I know I'm literally on a podcast now talking about it, but I just really wanted to make sure it was authentic to us. So I spent about two years planning what we did. But obviously, being the bride, you have a few more mood boards than the groom.
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D
Not in Re's case.
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Not in.
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C
Not in my case. My husband was very involved.
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A
Yeah, I just wasn't one of those girls who'd always, like, dreamt of a wedding. I. When I did get engaged, I knew what I wanted it to be pretty quickly.
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D
Can I ask with your guest number? So you said 47 guests, which is quite a small wedding. Was that influenced by the wedding venue you chose, or were you already aware of your guest list before you chose that venue? Because we spoke about in the last episode how the venue can really dictate the amount of guests you can have. So was that an element for you?
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A
It wasn't so much the venue, but our budget. Okay. We knew we didn't want to spend crazy amounts of money on the wedding. We just have, like, other priorities at the moment and just the economy as. And yeah, we just felt it was, like, very precious to us. And so we would love to have had more friends and, like, all Lori's cousins and aunts and uncles, like, live in the uk. Like, in an ideal world, they would have come over and it would have been, like, a massive party. But no, we purposely kept the guest list really small so that we were able to, like, spend on other things that we wanted, like, the really finer details that, like, made our day what it was thinking. Like, we had a bag piper.
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D
Amazing.
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Who was, like, playing the guests in. Had a photographer, Jessica Grilley of Sentient Studio, who I had seen some other editors, like, in Melbourne use, and who I really admired her style. So like, booked her. Booked the venue, like, 18 months in advance. But the good thing about the venue is there were lots of different areas we could utilize. So it kind of was up to us with the guest number.
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C
So.
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So that's the basics of the day. It was very, very special, very beautiful. And I think having the 47 people there as well just made it so, so intimate. And it was just like looking around this room at the dinner candle at dinner and, like, seeing all of your best friends. And like, my partner and I, we actually went through long distance during COVID and, like, a lot of our friends and family were, like, there for us through those periods, like, supporting us and trying to, like, give us advice and stuff. So it felt almost like a. Like a celebration of our whole community as well. It's just so precious and, like a
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D
full circle moment of, like, going through all of this kind of hardship to get where you are on your wedding day, that's really special.
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A
And international couples, so partners, parents, he's from the UK and his parents came over, brother, etc. So to have everyone in the one room. And that's why we did a wedding in the first place because we were so close to just being like, let's go to the courthouse and like have a really nice dinner. And like that would be so special. But like, when do we ever have like our closest friends and family in the one room, like with my grandparents still here. So that was like a big motivator behind doing like the proper wedding.
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C
So beautiful. Next we'll be getting into our regrets, but that will be right after a word from today's sponsor.
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B
When it's your wedding day, some things are simply non negotiable. Like comfy but fabulous shoes, waterproof mascara, and a beautiful foundation that controls oil and lasts all day long. Because honestly, there's nothing worse than catching your reflection at the reception and wondering where your makeup went. Ask any bridal makeup artists or worth their weight in gold and they'll tell you the same thing. Estee Lauder's Double Wear foundation is the OG it's adored by women all over the world for its full of life long wear matte finish. But in news that will delight upcoming brides and Double Wear fans, Estee Lauder has reformulated their iconic base so it's more breathable, more buildable, and available in even more shades. Rest assured, it has the same oil control and coverage as the original with an impressive 36 hour wear, aka the Perfect Wedding day base. Whether you're planning your bridal makeup look, have another milestone event coming up, or just love a full of life finish every day, meet Estee Lauder's reformulation of Double wear Foundation. With 67 shades to choose from, visit your local Estee Lauder counter for a professional shade matching experience. Thank you so much to Estee Lauder for making this episode of stylish possible.
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D
Okay, so with weddings come a lot of expectations and it's only natural to learn from a lot of these experiences. So learn. Let's start with our regrets. Jaz, I want to start with you. I know that one of your regrets was not having a wet weather contingency plan, which I also did not really have. So I can relate to that. Can you tell us how that played out on the day and what you would do differently if you had your time again?
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So we chose to get married in spring. It was actually late spring in November, obviously. So I was like, even though we're in Melbourne and lived here for so long, know the weather. I was like, it's gonna be sunny. It's gonna be 23 degrees.
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C
It's literally joke.
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Seriously. Like, you just assume you.
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D
It's like you enter a state of delusion.
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100%. I was being so delusional and so naive. And I guess that's what I regret, right? So we actually had planned to have this ceremony outside in the Gardens. Everyone would have a seat, cocktail hour outside, sunset vibes. And then the reception was going to be outside on the front, like a long Italian style, like, tables. And as the week's getting closer, I was like, not. I was like, don't even talk to me about the weather. Like, it's fine, it's fine. It's gonna clear. And the day before the Friday morning, we looked at the weather and I was like, nah, we've got a caller. And honestly, I woke up that morning and just burst into tears. And, like, that night was our rehearsal dinner, and I knew we had a backup plan for the reception. So when we toured the venue 18 months earlier, the manager, like, showed us around and we went upstairs to this, like, room, and she's like, and this is the wet weather plan. Like, if it rains on the day, like, we can move everything up here. It'll be a beautiful blah, blah, blah. And I literally remember being like, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
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C
Like, everyone does that. Everyone goes, yeah, yeah. I'm not out of sight, out of mind. I'm not manifesting that. Not my problem.
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A
I was like, oh, it's still a beautiful backup. And that played in my head that Friday morning when I was like, oh, my gosh. And it wasn't just raining, it was also going to be cold.
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D
Yeah.
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A
So it turns out on the Saturday, it was the coldest Melbourne November day in 80 years.
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D
I remember this day.
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C
I remember it because I was watching
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D
the weather so closely because of my own wedding. I was, as I said on our last episode, I was on AccuWeather every day. And I remember that day. And I thought, oh, my God, I feel so deeply for the brides today that are getting married. And that was you. And I was. I was sending you, like, positive vibes as much as I could.
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A
Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I couldn't really believe it. Like, we didn't know until the next day that it was the coldest day, but I was like, we had elderly people there. Like, they're not going to want to sit outside. I really, like, grieved that reception, right, like on the Friday. And my partner was so great. It's actually a really special moment. Well, I had a feeling that he might be like, it's going to be beautif. Like, don't even worry. But he really, like, made me feel like I wasn't being silly for being so upset about it because he knew, like, how long we'd planned this. We had a longer engagement. It was about two years. We didn't have a wedding planner as well. Like, it was really myself and my mom and just mood boarding and talking to vendors and everything, like, outside of work for two whole years. So that was hard moment, but also special for our. Like, going into our marriage, I felt really supported by him. So I cried like, I don't know, maybe three hours, like, just. And he just let me. And then I was like, okay, we gotta, like, get on with this. So spoke to the venue, spoke to my mom, and we're like, we're going to move the reception. The dinner inside. Had the rehearsal dinner at Old Palm Liquor, which is really beautiful.
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C
One of the best friends in Melbourne. For those of you who don't know, it's in Brunswick East. It is such a great spot and
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A
really great for, like, group events as well. And, like, the menu and stuff was amazing. That was really intimate too. So it was our parents, siblings, grandparents, aunt, uncle. So that kind of like got us into the mood and I got out of, like, that headspace. But one way that I, like, consoled myself about lose losing, you know, changing the reception from the rain was that I'll still have my ceremony. I'll still get my ceremony outside. Because the ceremony is only half an hour. Saturday morning rolls around, I still am like, no, it's fine, it's fine. It's going to clear. It's going to clear. Driving back to the hotel and it was not clearing. Makeup artists arrived. Photographers are arriving. Still not clearing. My mum, she actually made our wedding cake. She was amazing. She, like, did so much. She. So she dropped drop the cake off at the venue and she calls me. I'm getting my, like, foundation painted on, right? Yeah, she calls me and she's like, jaz, I need to tell you something. I'm at the venue and the ground is squelching like this where the ceremony is like, people were viewing it for their weddings in the future. She was like, they're like falling through. It's too. Like, we're gonna have to move the ceremony inside. This is three hours before I walk down the aisle. So we said, okay, we're gonna have to move it inside. My mum, when she was on the phone to me, she's like, we can do it downstairs in this. In the Heritage House. It's so beautiful. Like, you can get married behind the door and all your guests will be, like, standing. There's going to be a couple seats. And I remember saying over the phone, oh, great, so I'm getting married in a hallway.
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C
But you know what? That's so fair enough in the moment to have a visceral reaction like that. Everyone would have that feeling.
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A
It was just crazy. Like having this vision in your head for so long and then three hours before it's going to be totally different.
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D
Yeah. It's ripped away from you. The vision that you've had for 18 months. And it is a bit hard to come to terms with that, especially when you haven't let yourself even think about what that alternative looks like.
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A
And so my mum comes back to the hotel and she, like, got. We had like, wine at the hotel room. She had like, a brown paper bag. She was like, drawing sketches of, like, okay, you'll be standing here and then we'll have the seats here and everything. I obviously had a few tears because I was just like, I can't believe this. Like, that's one of my regrets, I guess. Like, being so delusionally optimistic. Like, I'm an optimistic person. I'm definitely a glass half full. I'm definitely like a Woo Woo manifesto girl. I didn't get the Etsy witch. Maybe that would have changed because I was so, like, I was just so, like, no, this is not my reality.
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D
Yeah.
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A
And it was. And my sister and my mom, they were just like. They validated me. They're like, you're allowed to be upset, but at the end of the day, like, everyone's here for you guys and, like, you're here to marry your partner. And it wasn't until I walked down the aisle and I saw Lori that I was like, nothing else matters.
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D
Yeah.
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A
Yeah. Like, and I knew I'd feel better when I saw him.
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D
Ri, you also kind of got rained out a little bit on your wedding day, but it wasn't raining during your actual ceremony, was it?
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C
No. So it was top and tail the morning of sideways bucketing down. I remember looking up through the skylight when I was getting my makeup done. I was like, hehe, it's a lot of rain. And my mom had text me. I was delusional. I was Delulu girl as well. To be fair, I was very lucky in the sense that it didn't actually rain out my ceremony. I also had done an amalgamation on ChatGPT of all the weather apps to work out time, time when the rain was coming and stopping. We had an early ceremony. So our ceremony was actually at 2:30. I was probably one of the only brides in existence to arrive early to their ceremony because I was adamant that we were going to have this 45 minutes of sunshine. I was like, I absolutely need this for the ceremony. So I was there waiting and like, you can't come up. Like they're radioing the venue and they're like, she can't come up. They're not seated. And I was like, well, get them fucking seated.
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A
Oh my God.
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C
I was also really lucky where 40 minutes out of the venue. My hairdresser who was a guest at our wedding, Brooke, had obviously left me in the morning and gone to the venue. And she'd sent me a photo and was blue sky. So that also validated me and made me feel comfortable in the moment knowing, okay, I'm not being rained out, but I know bless. Louis was the main point of contact with the venue, facilitating whether or not we were reverting to the weather plan. They actually did move everything in and then they moved it back out.
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A
Such a close call.
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C
I had no idea though. So he managed. All of this was very much about protecting my piece. Truth be told, I would have been sad had it not been outside. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful, was in the stunning archway, gorgeous vines. We got married in autumn, winter timing. So it was all lots of reds, lots of greens, very ethereal garden vibes. And our florals were designed to enhance that backdrop and was very much about embracing that environment. The other location, which was the wet weather plan, which again, same as you guys, it was still beautiful, but it was not what I envisioned and it wasn't what Louis envisioned. And I'm not going to sit here and say that I wouldn't have cared. I absolutely would have cared. And I think that's really important to acknowledge that and be honest.
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A
Yeah, 101 of my friends. Weeks later, I was still like posting my close friends story. Like, be not beating myself up, but being like, why am I so upset about this? Like, the photos we got back, they were beautiful. Like everyone had the best time. We had people saying like, it was the best wedding they've ever been to. And I felt like every now and then I'd still be like, why am I so sad about this? And one of my close friends. Claire was like, you're allowed to make a big deal out of things that feel big to you.
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C
Yeah.
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A
And I was like, that really made me feel better because I was like, yeah, of course it's a big deal to me. Like, it was our wedding day. It was something that we like, creatively and financially put so much into. So you're allowed to like. I think two things can be true at once. And that's what I was really. That's what I was really holding on to. I started feeling it silly. I was like, because people will say like, well, you got married. Like, that's like the most important thing. Which is so true.
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D
Yeah.
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A
It's all about like, your friends and family were there, Everyone was happy, healthy, like, which is so true. But yeah, I also was like, it wasn't what I pictured.
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C
And that's so fine, Jo. You actually had really good weather.
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D
I ended up having really good weather, but again, top and tail. So it was torrential raining the night before and drizzling the morning of. And then that night of the wedding, my whole wedding was outside. So my ceremony and my reception, all outside.
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C
And you had no marquee? No, see, we had a marquee. So by that point I was like, yeah, yeah.
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D
So it didn't rain at the time of my ceremony, but it was pretty much like as soon as people left, came bucketing down again, like so heavy you couldn't hear inside the venue. It was that torrential. But thankfully we got clear weather for our ceremony and our reception. It was a little bit fresh though. Like it was. It started to get a bit cold, but we had gas heaters so I didn't have any kind of regrets around the weather. And I'm glad that I hired the Etsy witch, even if that is a little bit woo woo. But one of my regrets from the day was not kind of managing my time a little bit better. And I think that caused me a lot of stress. I mentioned in the last episode how I felt like I got really worked up right before the ceremony. And that was because I was actually running a bit late. So I should have probably gotten my hair and makeup done a little bit earlier. I decided to go last because I was like everyone else, like my mother in law and my sister in laws and I probably should have gone maybe second last so that I had a little bit more time to just chill because my hairdresser left and we couldn't get my veil in.
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C
So
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D
this is a piece of advice I want to give to people is either have your hairdresser put it in while they're still there or allow additional time to put it in because it is actually very stressful and we could not figure it out. And I had my hair, like slicked to my head, so any movement of pins was potentially going to pull bits of my hair out. So it was like this really careful operation to get the veil in. And that took probably 20 minutes. I had not allowed for that time. And so I missed all of this portion of time to have portraits with my family and my close friends. Adrian has a whole folder basically of photos of him and his family, just him and his immediate family and his good friends that came to the venue beforehand. And I've got maybe eight photos. He's got like 40. Right. So I feel like that's one of my regrets is that I missed out on having those portraits taken that I really wanted. But I've got so many other beautiful photos. I'm just happy to kind of let that go. But I probably would have loved to have more photos of my parents and my friends.
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C
It's definitely the lesser of two evils. I had a lot of issues with the veil as well. And I want to be really self aware about the fact that my parents actually bought my veil for me as a gift. And it was absolutely beautiful. And I think it definitely added to my overall look and I loved it. I do. Sorry, Mum. Apologizing in advance. I wish I just took it out because it was. That was the only point in the morning. I was so chill, very relaxed. I had an open door policy in our room. It was like people coming in. I had other girls getting their makeup done who were staying at the hotel. Like, I wanted to be around people. I'm an extrovert. I really thrive around others when it came to the veil. Bless Nat, one of my photographers, she was literally. There's photos of her putting. Trying to put it in.
- [20:54]
D
My photographer put mine in, ended up putting my veil in because, like, there
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C
was four people trying to put it
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D
in, couldn't work it out.
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C
Definitely not their first rodeo as well. The veil seems to be the common denominator here, but I had grief with it and I honestly wish I took it out because it was the only time I felt tension and stress. I wish I just made an executive call to be, like, done and then after the ceremony just ripped it out.
- [21:15]
D
The veil was just too important for me to ditch it because I get it.
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C
The photos, Jo, of your veil draped over, like absolutely gorgeous.
- [21:24]
D
It was important to the vibe, like, it had to be over my face walking down the aisle.
- [21:27]
A
It just.
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D
It was the vibe. Yeah.
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C
Jo, I want to come back to your point earlier about not having enough time for portraits, because that felt like something that was a bit of a regret for you.
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D
Yeah. And Jaz, you also had the same regret as me as well, didn't you?
- [21:42]
A
Yeah, I was really resonating with what you're saying there. My photographer, amazing, incredible. And it was totally my decision. Right? I. When we're getting married, the whole, like, first look thing is really popular and it makes so much sense in a schedule to do a first look to get photos done then. And then it's like you can just forget about it. When I was thinking about the wedding, I thought, no, like him seeing me for the first time at the aisle, like, that's what I want. So I wasn't going to, like, negotiate on that for photos. Also, our venue, we wanted to do what you did and get married earlier and then have a reception later. But at the venue in Melbourne, like, so popular.
- [22:16]
C
True.
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A
There's just so many people in the city that you'd have to pay for like a day wedding and an evening wedding. So like, essentially doubling the price of the venue to get married at like 2 o'. Clock. So we had to go with guest ride 4:30, ceremony five. That was half an hour inside the heritage cottage as we discussed, and then cocktail hour for an hour and then it was going to be half an hour for portrait. But I didn't know, like, if you don't know, you don't know. Because I thought that I'd, after ceremony, be so excited and just like, cool, let's go get photos now. Like, see you later. But we went to the bridal suite with, like, our parents and our siblings and had this really special intimate moment of, like, cheersing with them and just having that family time. And I just felt, like, tired. I think it was the buildup of the weather thing and everything. So I remember being like, I just want a moment with Lori and my sister to just, like, chill. And I think I took a little bit too long to, like, chill. It was probably only like 10 minutes over. But then I was like, oh, no, we need to get portraits. And then also when we went out, we went through the house and like, all my girlfriends were there, which was lovely seeing them. Obviously everyone says, congratulate you and stuff. So that was really special. I got. The photographer was there, so she was getting beautiful photos of that. We stand outside and it's Raining still outside. We use the umbrellas, but because of the rain, it was like, right. Like, immediate family outside. Laurie and I were standing, like, against the door because there was, like, a tiny little frame, like, a little roof thing under it. And it was literally like, okay, parents in, sister in, like, really fast. There was no variety of the portraits, which was just, like. It was just timing. And in the moment, I was like,
- [23:47]
C
I want to party.
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A
I want to hang out with my friends. Like, I. Like, I want to soak this moment up. I don't want to, like, have the photo. Like, obviously I want the photos, but I don't want to spend too much time.
- [23:55]
D
Yeah.
- [23:56]
A
Then Laura and I went for a walk, like. Like, through the garden, and we got portraits. But then I remember feeling like we were late. I could see. Because we could see the venue from, like, the garden. So we're getting our Photoshop, and we could see people, like, sitting down for dinner. And I just remember feeling like, oh, we're gonna be late. And it was just. It felt really rushed. Thankfully, our lovely photographer, when we had done, like, the first bit of the dinner and the speeches and we had, like, a moment of, like, chill. She saw us, like, like, chilling for a sec, and she grabbed us, and we went out to the balcony of the house, and we got some more photos then. And so I was really, really grateful that she. Because I wouldn't have thought to have done it then.
- [24:31]
D
Yeah.
- [24:32]
C
Good initiative by her. That's when you know they're good at their job.
- [24:34]
D
Our photographer did the same thing at sunset because they just saw this beautiful lighting. They went around the venue, they found the best lighting, and they came and grabbed us in between courses, and they were like, you guys have to come and take these photos. And we were a bit apprehensive, Right. Because you're, like, in the middle of the party and you're not wanting to leave, but, oh, they are the best photos from the day. And we had so much fun doing that because it was our first time kind of really properly alone once the night had already kicked off.
- [24:58]
A
Totally. And I like getting. Yeah. Getting them in that. In between when, you know, everyone's settled, everyone's got a drink, everyone's got. Everyone's eating. Like, those are some of my favorite photos as well. I just wish we had a few more.
- [25:07]
C
Maybe the solution would be, if you're listening to this, factoring in a bit of buffer time. Yeah. Maybe even just half an hour for something. Even for you, Joe, from what you said, it's like, this Seems to be like this 10 to 20 minute mark. Yeah, filled that in totally.
- [25:19]
D
Now, next we're going to get into our audience poll results, but that will be right after a word from today's sponsor.
- [25:24]
B
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- [25:34]
C
It's already the OG bridal base, praised
- [25:37]
B
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- [26:01]
D
Okay, so we surveyed our audience who are always very reliable when it comes to giving us insight.
- [26:06]
C
Love the contribution.
- [26:08]
D
So to kick us off, our survey revealed that 69% of you have regrets about your wedding. Is this more or less than we expected?
- [26:16]
C
I think it's. Oh, God. I'm going to say it's slightly more. I thought it would have been around 50%.
- [26:23]
D
I thought it was going to be like 80. Oh, okay. Why? Oh, because I just think you can nitpick little things from the day. Like everyone has got one little thing, even if it's not major. It's like one tiny little detail someone could think of a regret from the day. That's fair.
- [26:35]
C
That's fair. Let's talk about what people actually regretted though. We gave our listeners 12 categories to choose from, but the most common was other at 33.1%. Jo, what was the next most common response category was?
- [26:48]
D
The second most common category our audiences regret centered around was guest lists. And that was followed by your chosen photographer at 8.9%, dress at 8.6% and makeup and hair at 7.7%.
- [27:01]
C
I thought dress would have been higher. Photographer, what do you guys think about that? Do you think that's higher than what you thought?
- [27:08]
A
I think photos, like, that's kind of what you have after. Like you've got the memories but physically like you have the photo. So, yeah, I think that that is a common regret because if it's not what you thought or like the photographer's styles and what you wanted, the guest
- [27:22]
C
list being the highest isn't a huge surprise for me. I think back to our Original Wedding series and also the previous episode that we did. Guest list came up a lot. I also think the reality of it is that is reflective of a certain time in your life. And as much as you can, try to nail it. We had this really good method to the madness, as I would put it, or Cassie famously would put it in my team. She always says that is past, present, future. They have to be in at least two of those camps.
- [27:47]
A
That's a good one.
- [27:48]
C
It is good, but it's not bulletproof. Like, there's no foolproof way that you can guarantee every single person on your list will be in your life in the future. Already we've got people that broken up with their partners. They were there. We might have been closer with one than the other. You know, we haven't had any falling outs. But that's a really normal thing that happens. You know, people can fall out with their bridesmaids. It's not uncommon.
- [28:10]
A
Yeah, yeah. I actually didn't have a bridal party, not for that reason, because I was scared I was going to fall out with anyone. But I was just so cognizant of, like, dynamics and the pressure that weddings put on things. And that's why we had that intimate guest list, too. Like, obviously Budget was number one, but I remember thinking, like, our litmus was family and friends who feel like family. There were so many beautiful friends that we have who we would have loved to have been there. But when we really, like, narrowed it down, narrowed it down, we were like, this is like our family, essentially.
- [28:40]
D
So bridal parties. I also didn't have bridal parties, so you and I were on the same kind of mindset there. But that came through as a major regret for a lot of people was their selection of their bridal party. So we had a listener write in and say, bridal parties are one of the only times in your life where you're tasked with drawing a line with your friends. Separation of who's your bestest best and who doesn't quite make the cut. Even then, my experience with the ones you do ask is that they then see further ranks feeling lesser because they weren't asked for a speech or because they felt they got the least flattering cut of dress. I regret having a wedding party because it was just too much about politics and people pleasing. I would have rather had none and let everyone be equal.
- [29:21]
C
Can you talk me through the logic, both of you? Was that similar? Like, you didn't want that tension around the logic between deciding not having a bridal party. Do you do you resonate with what
- [29:31]
A
this listener has said. I have a lot of childhood friends, but then really beautiful close friends from Melbourne. And I didn't want to like, like I'm so lucky to have so many close friends. I didn't want to like rank them basically was one reason. Again, budget was another reason. Like that all adds up, like getting the dresses, getting their makeup done, like getting them gifts. So that was like an easy way to cut back. I did have my sister as my maid of honor. So like, and my partner had his brother as his best man. And we also thought that was great. We're really close with our siblings and family. It is not always, but usually harder to like fall out with them or to have like those friendship things. So we thought that was like pretty foolproof as well. To have like family as the people sitting next to us, that was also really important. But I had beautiful friends who, who stepped up and helped as if they were bridesmaids without needing the title. And I knew I had girlfriends in my life who were like that. And so I knew they didn't, they didn't need the like glory or to be in the photos of like the bridal party. They wanted to help me. Like my friend who went and got the umbrellas, another friend who was like organ when we changed the ceremony. They were like helping to organize the chairs and where people were standing and helping my mom and all those moments.
- [30:43]
C
What about you, Jo?
- [30:43]
D
I had my two childhood best friends and my sister in law organise my hands for me. And I didn't really have to ask them to do that. They would just put their hands up to do it. I think I had mentioned prior to getting engaged to my closest friends that I didn't have any intention to have a bridal party. It just wasn't something that I was interested in doing. Like the day is about Adrian and I. It's not about other people. And as I've mentioned before, I'm an introverted extrovert. So I need my alone time and I just didn't want other people in my face. I just wanted to have alone time. I really wanted to just have a relaxing morning. I didn't want to have to be socializing. I just wanted to be alone and focusing on what I needed to do because that is how I keep myself calm. And so that was just the best way for me to do it. Even though our family is kind of milling around the venue, there were still people around me. It just wasn't that I had this obligation to engage with everybody, I was just able to do my own thing and not have to worry about what everyone else was doing.
- [31:36]
A
I think that's the thing with weddings. Like, you really need to, like, make
- [31:39]
C
it what you want exactly.
- [31:41]
A
Not what you think you should do or you have the expectations because you're going to have the best day if it's like, by your boundaries and like, when you get to this age, you know who you are. Like, you knew that you want to arrive early and be organized and you wanted to be alone. When you have that, like, inner confidence and stuff, you can really stand clear in those, like, choices.
- [32:01]
D
Yeah, Ri, you did have a bridal party. So talk us through. Was that always something that you wanted to do? Did you ever consider not having one?
- [32:08]
C
I did at one point. I only wanted one friend to stand up there with me. And then that evolved because Louis wanted a bridal party at the end of the day. In a CIS relationship, usually the female takes the responsibility of being the one who the wedding's about. That's just not true. There are things that, you know, a male partner can also value or want as much or maybe more. And it's about negotiating and also agreeing on things in a way where it feels both of you are contributing to your day. And for Lou, it was really important to have a bridal party. So I had a bridal party.
- [32:40]
A
Yeah.
- [32:41]
C
Truth be told, they didn't do a lot because I really didn't want a lot of the responsibility to fall on them. Sometimes what can happen is. And what some horror stories I've seen on social media is that. But tension can also come from the bride putting a lot of expectation on their bridal party. And I wanted to make sure that I wasn't doing that. I really wanted to make sure that things that if I want something a certain way, it's my wedding that falls on me, not my bridal party. So my bridal party didn't plan my hands. I planned my hands. They absolutely contributed on the Jo's pissing herself.
- [33:14]
D
So recoded.
- [33:16]
C
But it was like I really wanted a specific way. It was really chill. It was in my backyard. It was a low key event in the context of a hens party. But for me, it was exactly what I wanted. Also, all three of my bridesmaids live interstate and overseas. Why would I get them to plan an event in Melbourne at my house when I could do that? I do a lot of event planning as part of my job. So this is my wheelhouse. Yeah, I didn't want to just have to forfeit that responsibility and hand it over because society tells us that's what bridesmaids are supposed to do. And also a lot of the time bridesmaids end up spending more than what they're expected to when they're doing those sort of events. So I didn't want that to fall on them. On the days where all my bridesmaids showed up, they all had really strong responsibilities in making me feel sane, to be honest. And I think a lot of the reason why I felt so good on my wedding day is because I was surrounded by my closest friends who just really get me a look and they're like, I'm onto this. And just would step in and you know, sometimes you get caught up talking to one person a lot for a long time. And they would interject back, ray, we've got to go do this. I had the girlies on, you know, the lip touch ups, just the holding my hand and like reinforcing how amazing the day was. So I don't regret in any way having the girlies there, but I do understand why people don't do it and I also understand that it can be a lot so.
- [34:35]
D
Another common regret was the choice of wedding dress which we thought was going to be higher. This listener said, whilst my dress was beautiful, looking back, I don't think it was my most flattering color. I'm Indian and I had a beautiful traditional dress with a lot of detailing on it, but it was a muted light purple slash gray color. I've since learned about color theory. Oh, this is my gal. And got my color analysis done via AI And I am a deep autumn. I stay far away from those kinds of colors now, lol. And I wish I went for a more jewel tone dress or a deep red dress which is the traditional color for an Indian wedding dress. I think it's really hard to land on a style of wedding dress. This is an incredibly difficult part of the process. It's like, oh, this is the most important outfit you're ever gonna wear. Decide.
- [35:19]
A
I actually did not like the wedding dress process. Shopping for it. I only went to like three or four boutiques. I the first one I went to, I felt like a child cosplaying as a bride. I remember being like, it was really like clingy and it was just awful. Went to Honeymoon Studios which is like a Melbourne designer. The designer is like the one who's like pinning it to your body and that just felt like much more me, like just a bit toned down. Also wanted to suit it to the venue, which was like a smaller. The smaller guest list, etc, but I'm a G cup, so I found it so hard to. Which I find fashion hard in general. But I found that process really triggering for like body.
- [35:56]
C
Body issues.
- [35:57]
A
And also like, that's the. That's your wedding dress. Like you want it to be timeless. Like it's going to be in all your photos forever. It's so much pressure and I think that's really common to have those regrets after.
- [36:09]
D
Yeah, for sure. Was your dress custom made?
- [36:11]
A
It was because like the designs were already pre existing and then they just like made the actual. Actually mostly just for the bodice. The skirt part was like the perfect fit. But I got the bodice custom, like I reckon three or four different times just to make it exact to my bust.
- [36:30]
D
Yeah.
- [36:30]
C
Our final regret is one I know a lot of brides probably can relate to. So this listener said, we spent over 52,000 on our wedding. And I can't help but regret not eloping. I know if I had eloped, I would have spent my life wishing I had a real wedding. But there was so much family drama surrounding our wedding that planning it was the most stressful time of my life. It felt like two years of stress leading up to a day that was amazing, don't get me wrong. But also paired with memories of the family drama that fractured many relationships. Family drama is always hard when it comes to weddings.
- [37:01]
D
This regret really saddened me to hear that, like the whole process of the wedding was really quite like soured because that's. I didn't have that experience myself, but I know that does happen with. With a lot of people. What was your experience with that side of things around? Like, you know, kind of feeling like maybe you could have eloped or just gone to the courthouse and then you decided to do the wedding. Did you have any regrets around that at any point?
- [37:24]
A
Definitely the top bit of wanting to elope but deciding to have the wedding, that's something that we like to and froed around a little bit because we were the same. We're like, do we spend so much money or a reasonable amount of money on one day? And you hear all the time, it's just a piece of paper, it's just one day. But ultimately the family element, the international couple thing, like having everyone under the one roof, I thought if we don't do this, like, I think that we would regret that more having these memories and moments rather than like the money. And what was giving me peace was like, you can always earn More money. But, like, when will I ever have, like, my grandparents and Lori's parents in the same room or, like, be on the dance floor with my granddad? You know, all those things that are so special and precious, and money can't buy that. Money can't buy time. So that's what helped me make the decision. But I'm. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that the family drama part as well, because it's really hard.
- [38:19]
C
I want to spend a bit more time on the second part of this listener's contribution, because even though we can't give advice based on a shared experience or a similar experience, I do have someone close to me who has gone through a similar thing. And what they actually did was reshot their wedding photos and went out for a very beautiful dinner just for the two of them. And it was almost like reclaiming that love and that experience for just them and being able to. It's almost cathartic in a way. So, you know, they went to the city, they took beautiful photos in the Melbourne laneway, and they wore different outfits. Like, they still had the suit and the wedding dress vibe. It was more about creating memories that weren't attached to those stressful moments as well.
- [39:01]
D
Yeah. And, like, a lot of people have very complex family dynamics. Like, there might be, you know, separated parents, and that makes it really difficult to have people in the same room. And even, like, traditions can be kind of hard to navigate as well in this day and age, too, where there might be an expectation from grandparents or parents to do things a certain way, and maybe you don't feel like you want to do it that way, and then that ruins the experience for you, or it kind of sours the experience,
- [39:26]
A
especially if there's financial things involved as well, family kind of making decisions because they've contributed, and it really complicates things.
- [39:34]
C
Yeah, it's really tricky. I'm sorry for this listener, because it's not a nice place to be. But I think there is an opportunity for them to reclaim this experience in this moment and get creative.
- [39:43]
D
Yeah, for sure. I think I mentioned on our last episode, like, I've never again thought about the money that we spent on the wedding. And I don't think I ever will, to be honest, because I just enjoyed the day so much that I don't think I can have regret tied to that. But it felt like for this listener, there was a bit of regret tied to spending that money on a day that had so much kind of negativity around it. So we've Obviously done a bit of a deep dive on regrets this episode, but as we're closing out the episode, I'd love to hear your words of wisdom for future brides. Jaz, let's start with you. What have you got?
- [40:12]
A
My words of wisdom are definitely to remember what the day is about. So like my friends and family said at the end of the day you married your partner and your friends and family are there to witness it, but making sure that it's like reflective of you and it's really like you are calling the shots. That's my biggest piece of wisdom and it's so easy to do in the era of TikTok. Even as someone who was conscious of it, like who is in this media content creator space, I was like, I'm not going to be influenced by like other creators. And it's so easy to be though to compare yourself. One thing that really helped me after the wedding to stop comparing myself was actually unfollowing like all of the bridal pages. Yeah, I just was I think also like the rain and the photo thing like added to that. But I any time I felt like why wasn't my wedding like that? Or like I wish I had done that differently or why didn't I have that bar aesthetic? I just unfollowed it because I was like, I don't need this anymore. I don't need all the inspiration and the curation. So that's I guess like a little hack if you're feeling the comparison afterwards. But in the lead up to it, I think just making sure that it true to you and your style and when you look back in 10, 20, 30 years, like what will you want to remember and make the day about?
- [41:30]
C
What do you think?
- [41:30]
D
Jo, My advice is always come back to your why? Why are you there? I think the stress before and the disappointment and regret sometimes afterwards can really cloud what the day is actually about. And I think I managed to keep a really clear mind during the process myself of why I was doing this. Because as I've said several times, not a wedding person. And so I easily probably could have eloped as well and not thought again about it. But I did also think, oh, this is the only time I'm probably going to have all of our family and friends in the same room this one time in my life. I may as well just do it. Like when else am I going to get the chance to do this? And I'm so glad that I did. But I always came back to what is most important about this day and that is marrying the love of my life. So that would be my advice. What's yours? Rent.
- [42:16]
C
Kind of an amalgamation of the two things that you guys have shared. First and foremost, I would say it's really, really frustrating being a bride right now in the social climate that we have, because the expectation and the pressure on brides to have a wedding that looks a certain way or to spend a certain amount of money, it feels like it's just getting. That wave is getting bigger and bigger and bigger. I think fundamentally you always have to come back to the feelings, not the facts. Which is very much about what you said, Jo. The love in the room, the why, making sure that that is the thing that is most important. Because I'll tell you, I've been to so many weddings, if the feeling isn't there and the love isn't in the room, people feel it. People feel it and you will feel it. So make sure that that is the thing that is the most priority. That is your North Star.
- [43:01]
A
Going back to my point about the two things can be true at once. Yes, I was disappointed about the rain and I was sad, but you could really feel the love in the room. When we were inside, like we were in this cozy cottage, everyone said afterwards that you could feel the love. And it was just ended up being a beautiful day.
- [43:18]
B
That's what matters most. Guys.
- [43:19]
C
Jasmine, thank you so much for being our special guest. And thank you for joining us on our second episode of three for the second edition of the wedding series by Stylish.
- [43:27]
B
That was a mouthful.
- [43:29]
C
We'll be back on April 17th with another special guest discussing 2026 biggest bridal trends. I have already shared who this is
- [43:37]
D
because I was cheeky, but I'm looking
- [43:39]
C
forward to it and we'll see you then.
- [43:40]
D
Thanks for joining us, Jaz.
- [43:41]
C
Bye.
- [43:56]
B
This podcast was recorded on Wurundjeri land.
- [43:58]
D
Always was, always will be Aboriginal land.