Lessons - Redefining Leadership and Knowing Your Values | Sarah Gibbons - Creator of The Board Leadership Program

Summary

Success Story with Scott D. Clary

Episode: Lessons – Redefining Leadership and Knowing Your Values
Guest: Sarah Gibbons, Creator of The Board Leadership Program
Date: October 10, 2025

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Main Theme & Purpose

In this "Lessons" episode, Scott D. Clary sits down with leadership coach Sarah Gibbons to rethink what true leadership means. The conversation focuses on self-awareness, the power of identifying and living by core values, and how effective coaching catalyzes growth by embracing discomfort. Gibbons provides actionable advice for anyone—executives, parents, or individuals seeking personal growth—on redefining leadership as an inside-out process rather than a title or position.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining Leadership (00:00–01:00)

• Leadership is framed not as a position of authority (like a CXO), but as how one conducts themselves in all aspects of life.
• The mental shift to this broader lens is crucial for daily growth and impact.

2. Who You Are vs. What You Do (00:59–02:58)

• Gibbons stresses: “Leadership as who you be informs what you do. So if you are disgruntled, overwhelmed and anxious on the inside, then as you are doing whatever it is you need to do, that's the experience you're going to have.” (01:03 – Sarah Gibbons)
• Identifying and articulating personal values is the crucial first step to clarity and empowered decision-making.

3. Defining and Living Your Values (01:10–02:58)

• Many people claim to know their values but struggle to define them specifically when asked.
• Gibbons recommends everyone identify their 5–7 core values and measure decisions against them, leading to internal alignment and authentic action.
• "If you start to make decisions from your values rather than expectations... you're going to have an experience that is much more in alignment with what matters to you.” (01:59 – Sarah Gibbons)

4. Handling Human Imperfection (03:08–03:40)

• Even with good intentions, adherence to one’s values can slip in the moment due to emotional triggers.
• Scott candidly acknowledges: “I slip probably, you know, 200 times a day... I think I have good values, but something rubs me the wrong way, and then I react.” (03:10 – Scott D. Clary)

5. Emotional Ownership & The Completion Exercise (03:40–06:16)

• Triggers point to internal, unresolved issues—it’s “on me” to investigate their root.
• Gibbons shares a practical tool called the 'completion' process:
  • Write three letters expressing your uncensored feelings.
  • Reflect on what you own and are responsible for.
  • Acknowledge growth for yourself and the other party.
• “If people went around in the world getting complete on their own stuff so they weren't lobbying their own stuff over to other people, we would have very different experiences throughout the day.” (05:25 – Sarah Gibbons)
• Key point: Effective leadership is not about perfection, but how quickly and constructively one can return to self-leadership after setbacks.

6. Coaching as a Catalyst for Growth (06:16–11:28)

• Coaching’s true value is not just in accountability but in facilitating personal transformation via honest reflection and constructive discomfort.
• Scott notes skepticism about coaching, paralleling it to getting a personal trainer—people grasp the physical ROI, but struggle with the intangible.
• Gibbons on coaching ROI:
  • Coaches push clients into necessary discomfort for growth.
  • "I'm willing to say things to them that nobody else would say." (08:20 – Sarah Gibbons)
  • Example: Gibbons tells a client, “I am so bored by this story. If I’m bored by it, you must be bored by it.” (09:10 – Sarah Gibbons)
• The coaching industry has a low barrier to entry, highlighting the importance of finding a coach who also invests in their own growth and integrity.

7. Feedback, Presence, and Lasting Change (10:00–11:28)

• The coach delivers real-time feedback on clients' presence and tone—an approach necessary for true internal and external change.
• Growth-seeking individuals are most likely to benefit from and appreciate coaching.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Sarah Gibbons (01:03): "Leadership as who you be informs what you do. So if you are disgruntled, overwhelmed and anxious on the inside, then... that's the experience you're going to have."
• Sarah Gibbons (01:59): "If you start to make decisions from your values rather than expectations... you're going to have an experience that is much more in alignment with what matters to you."
• Scott D. Clary (03:10): "I slip probably, you know, 200 times a day... I think I have good values, but something rubs me the wrong way, and then I react."
• Sarah Gibbons (05:25): "If people went around in the world getting complete on their own stuff so they weren't lobbying their own stuff over to other people, we would have very different experiences throughout the day."
• Sarah Gibbons (08:20): "I'm willing to say things to them that nobody else would say."
• Sarah Gibbons (09:10): "I am so bored by this story. If I’m bored by it, you must be bored by it."

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Key Timestamps

• 00:00–01:00: Introduction – What is real leadership?
• 01:00–02:58: Practical steps for defining and living values
• 03:08–03:40: Acknowledging our imperfections in value-based living
• 03:40–06:16: Emotional ownership and the completion process
• 06:16–07:54: The evolving definition and value of coaching
• 07:54–11:28: Coaching in practice—discomfort, feedback, and ensuring transformative results

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Final Takeaways

• Leadership starts with self-awareness and internal alignment, not titles.
• Clearly defining and living from your values brings focus, empowerment, and authenticity to all areas of life.
• Emotional triggers are internal work signals; the 'completion' process can help neutralize and own them.
• Coaching is most impactful for those ready to face discomfort and open to honest, challenging feedback—facilitating growth that goes beyond surface-level accountability.

This episode encourages listeners of all backgrounds to see leadership as an ongoing inner practice, where clear values and self-responsibility are the foundation for meaningful impact and transformation.

Transcript

[A]

In this lessons episode, explore how real leadership starts with self awareness and alignment rather than authority. Discover why defining core values builds clarity and confidence. Understand how emotional ownership strengthens relationships and choices. And uncover how effective coaching drives growth through discomfort and transformation. So I want to dig into that point you just touched on leadership and obviously so, so great points. Leadership is not cxo. Leaders is how you conduct yourself in your life. And I think that mental shift or that lens that you look at leadership through is an important distinction. So what are some practical steps just for we can. A lot of people here are obviously executives, but also moms and dads. What would be some overarching step that people should try and take to be better leaders in their life and envision and understand their impact?

[B]

Yeah, I love that question. So one of the first, think about leadership as who you be informs what you do. So if you are disgruntled, overwhelmed and anxious on the inside, then as you are doing whatever it is you need to do, that's the experience you're going to have. So one of the best ways to get really clear on who you are is to define your values. And it's amazing. Scott, I'll start working with clients and I'll say, okay, let's talk about your values. Do you know your values? And they'll say, yeah, yeah, I know my values. Okay, great, tell me your values. You scratch the surface a little bit. They don't know their values. So for anybody who's watching, actually you can go to my website if you sign up for my email. I have put together a super simple turnkey guide to help you figure out your values. Everyone has around five to seven values. And once you get clear on your values and you define them on your terms, and then you have a very different experience. Because if you think about, if you start to make decisions from your values rather than expectations of what you think you should be doing or what you think your family should doing, already, you're going to have an experience that is much more in alignment with what matters to you. So for me, one of my top values is connection. So as I'm moving throughout the day as well as impact, I'm asking myself, what value does this align with if I need to make a decision? Okay, is this in accordance with my values? That's a very different experience than all right, what is it I need to get done today? What should I be doing? And so it allows people to feel so much more empowered. So I would say for anybody who's watching, the very first thing you could do if you did nothing else was get clear on your values, define them, and then start to play with what does it look like to live from your values? What does it look like to make decisions from your values? And you'll be amazed at the different kind of results you get, both in the workplace and. And at home.

[A]

And I guess my question. Cause everybody, like you said, thinks they know their values, and even if they. They. Even if they do have an understanding of what their values are, we slip. We slip all the time.

[B]

Yeah, we do.

[A]

I slip probably, you know, 200 times a day on. On, on. I think I'm a good person. I think I have good values. But something, you know, rubs me the wrong way, and then I react or the conversation after. The thing that rubbed me the wrong way is now you know that the emotion that's gone to that conversation is a negative emotion, even though the person had no bearing on what actually triggered me in the first place. These are very common human tendencies.

[B]

Yes, they are.

[A]

So how do you get rid of. How do you. How do you. Yeah, what's the answer?

[B]

So, really great point what you said. So one of the biggest principles I got out of my master's program in spiritual psychology is that if. If we get triggered as human beings, it's an unresolved issue that belongs to us, that's getting triggered. It actually has nothing to do with you. So if you are being disrespectful to me, it doesn't mean that you get a hall pass for being that way, but it is on me to look at, okay, why did that trigger me so much? So, as a coach, one of the things that I do is I invest a lot in my own mentorship. So I work with a team of coaches, which, by the way, for anybody who's looking at a coach, you want to make sure the coach that you're working with is actually investing in themselves. One of the best tools is called completion, and it's a process where you are getting complete on your side of the fence of what you're bringing to the table. So the ultimate goal is if you've got energy on you, Scott, about something that is going to carry over into how you show up and relate to someone. So you want to take on a very practical exercise, which is called completion. It involves writing three different letters. It takes no more than 20 minutes. But what it does is it helps you, first and foremost, express what's there for you, whether you're mad, you're frustrated, you're upset, whatever it is get it all out. Then it's about taking a look at, okay, what's there for me to own, what can I be responsible for? And then the third piece is around, what can I acknowledge both the other person and both for me. And sometimes I have to do completion multiple times around the same situation or the same person. But it is truly the only tool that I have learned that my coaches have taught me. If I want to be able to come into a situation and feel neutral so that I can approach it from a very clear leadership, then that's on me to get complete. And it doesn't require anyone to apologize to me. It's really on me. And I think that's, you know, if people went around in the world getting complete on their own stuff so they weren't lobbying their own stuff over to other people, we would have very different experiences throughout the day. Because you're right, we're human beings. It's not that we're. We go through the day, and it's not that we're in leadership 24 7. It's that we fall out of leadership. And what I always say to my clients, it's like, how quickly can you get back into leadership rather than withdrawing for a day or getting into it with a colleague and, you know, going down that rabbit hole. Great question.

[A]

I love that. And I keep wanting to, you know, just double down on the fact that this. This definition of leadership is truly changing who you are to be a better person. That's. That's really the end goal. That's. And. And that actually, you know, when we first connected, one of the things I wanted to speak to you about was coaching as a concept. Of course, when you look at it through that lens, when you look at the ability to become a better person in everything you do, it's not hard to understand why that could be a good thing to subscribe to. But let's speak about coaching as opposed to me just going on. It's funny because I don't go on YouTube and I don't investigate this, but say I need to be sold on coaching. Right? I just. Well, why would I pay somebody to teach me this when I can just go figure it out myself? So, you know, that's something that I think always comes up with coaches because people need to. People need to buy into it. They've either already bought into it, or a lot of people will say, I have no need for that. That's not going to positively impact me. And, you know, it's funny because people get a Personal trainer.

[B]

But I know they.

[A]

But I think it's a physical, like, they see the physical result. And how do you measure the ROI on a coach? How do you measure. How do you measure whether or not a coach. I think. I don't think anybody would shirk, like a good coach or somebody that can actually help them. But how do you sell somebody or how do you not sell somebody? How do you prove to somebody that you can actually help them impact their life?

[B]

Oh, gosh, such a great question. And so many places that we could. That we could go with it. I'm just thinking where I want to start with this.

[A]

I think from you deal with it. You live it every day.

[B]

Yeah, I do. You know, the coaching industry has become one of the biggest industries where money is spent. And at the same time, the bar is so low that anybody can get into coaching, which is dangerous because it can create an integrity issue. And so I can't speak for other coaches. I can only speak for myself and why I invest in coaching and why my people invest in coaching. And I think at the end of the day, it's because we by nature want to be comfortable. We don't want to feel any sense of discomfort. If you are wanting to deepen your connection with clients in service to doubling your bottom line, if you are wanting to create a bigger impact, whether it's in your personal life or your professional life, any of those goals are going to require you to do something and behave differently than you are currently doing. In order to do that, you're going to have to feel uncomfortable. We don't like to feel uncomfortable. A I know for me, and I joke with my clients, but I truly believe at the end of the day, the reason that they pay me isn't necessarily for accountability. It's because I'm willing to say things to them that nobody else would say. So, for example, a couple years ago, I was in enrollment conversation with one of the top creative executive creative directors in the country. He's just an unbelievable human being, but his work is out of this world. And he kept repeating this story. And finally I just looked at him and I said, can I give you a reflection? And he said, yes. And I said, I am so bored by this story. If I'm bored by it, you must be bored by it. And he laughed. And he said, you're the first person that has told me they're bored by. He said, I'm so bored by it. But it was a story in an event that happened in the news that he was a part of a company that had a huge issue with and he said he hired me on the spot. I mean, that's when the conversation changed and we started to talk about what would it look like to work together. So I truly believe people who value growth by nature will be interested and will want to consider coaching. But really the role of a good coach is to keep reflecting back to clients what they're seeing in their way of being. And we all know this. But our relationship to feedback, including my own, and I've done a lot of work around feedback that is not easy to hear or work with. And so it's less about okay, here's the program we're going to work and here's what we're going to do. Every week it's like, no, let me tell you what I'm noticing right now. In your presence. Let me tell you what I'm noticing in your tone. Let me tell you what I'm seeing. And so that kind of level of work requires a whole different type of leadership if you want to have a different experience in the physical world but also internally.

[A]

So thanks for tuning in. If you found this valuable, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode. And if you want to dive deeper into this conversation, check out the links in the description to watch the full episode. See you in the next one.