Success Story with Scott D. Clary

Episode: Lessons – Stop Hating Your Life

Date: September 17, 2025
Host: Scott D. Clary

Episode Overview

In this solo “Lessons” episode, Scott D. Clary dives into why so many adults spend the majority of their weeks doing things they resent, feeling “dead inside,” and how this quietly but powerfully shapes the next generation. He challenges listeners—especially parents—to stop modeling a miserable, endurance-based version of adulthood for their children and instead start prioritizing activities that create a sense of “aliveness.” The episode blends storytelling, personal reflections, and actionable advice for anyone tired of just “surviving” life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The High Cost of Enduring a Life You Hate

• [01:27] Scott opens with a candid observation: Many people are stuck in a cycle of attending work, events, and commitments that drain them.

• “If your weeks are full of activities that you are just enduring instead of actually living a life that you enjoy, this one’s for you.” (Scott, 01:35)

• Parents, in particular, often sacrifice their own interests for their kids: endless practices, tournaments, committee meetings, and social obligations.

• The “dead inside” parent: Kids can tell when you’re checked out or merely enduring your responsibilities.

What Kids Absorb Isn't What You Think

• [03:20] Children are “emotional mirrors”—they pick up on what parents truly feel, not what they say.

• “Children are emotional mirrors. They don’t feel what you say, they feel what you feel.” (Scott, 03:28)

• When parents trudge through life, it programs kids to expect adulthood to feel like a “prison sentence.”

• Modeling misery doesn’t teach commitment or love; it teaches that adult life means “dying slowly in public while pretending everyone else is fine.” (Scott, 03:45)

The 'Alive Hours vs. Dead Hours' Exercise

• [06:00] Scott offers a practical method:
  • For one week, track your hours in two columns:
    • Alive Hours: Time spent feeling present, energized, and genuinely enjoying yourself.
    • Dead Hours: Time spent enduring, clock-watching, or disengaged.
  • Includes all activities: work, commutes, household duties, even social obligations.
  • Most adults end up modeling over 70+ “dead hours” per week.
  • “That is 70 hours of teaching your kids that adulthood is a prison sentence… that love means endurance… that they should expect misery.” (Scott, 07:04)

Personal Stories: Modeling Aliveness

• [09:00] Scott shares about his own parents as positive examples:

  • His Dad & Hockey:

    • Coached Scott's hockey team not out of obligation, but because he loved the game.
    • “He wasn’t teaching us hockey. He was sharing his religion.” (Scott, 09:40)
    • Dad’s “alive hours” were visible: “He was lost in the pure pleasure of the moment.” (Scott, 09:50)

  • His Mom & the Outdoors:

    • Passionate about hiking, snowshoeing, anything outside—out of genuine love, not duty.
    • “Her alive hours were off the charts. Every sunrise hike, every camping trip, she was doing what she loved.” (Scott, 11:15)

• Impact:

  • These examples taught him and his brother that adulthood can be fun and fulfilling, not just a sacrifice for others.
  • “Parents are allowed to choose themselves. Sometimes showing your kid what it looks like to honor your own dreams is the best coaching you can do.” (Scott, 10:50)

The Ripple Effect on Kids

• [13:45] Scott debunks the guilt-soaked belief that good parents must sacrifice everything for their kids.
• Kids of “alive” parents are actually more secure and independent because their parents' happiness isn’t wholly dependent on them.
• “They don’t carry the burden of being your entire world… They get something better than a parent who never misses a game. They get a parent who shows them what a life worth living looks like.” (Scott, 14:30)

Action Steps: Bringing Aliveness Back

• [15:35] Practical advice for parents and anyone feeling stuck:

  • Start small: Add one activity this week that makes you feel “electric”—just for you, not for others.

  • Identify one “dead hour” activity that’s truly optional and cancel it.

  • “The goal isn’t to abandon your responsibilities. It’s to stop treating every obligation like a life sentence.” (Scott, 17:01)

  • Always ask:

    • Can this experience become “alive”?
    • Can I bring a passion into this space?
    • If not, can I eliminate or reduce it?

What Kids Really Remember

• [19:20] Kids won’t recall every practice or event. They’ll remember whether their parents looked happy—or trapped.

• “Your kids are keeping score—not of your attendance at their tournaments, but of your aliveness. And for most of us, right now, we’re losing.” (Scott, 19:48)

• The importance of showing children what a “life worth living” looks like—not just “surviving adulthood.”

• “Choose things that light you up. Choose things that make you feel alive. Choose things that show your kids what living a true, good, fulfilled life actually is.” (Scott, 21:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On emotional modeling:
  • “Children are emotional mirrors. They don’t feel what you say, they feel what you feel.” (Scott, 03:28)
• On the purpose of adulthood:
  • “Being an adult does not mean that you have to hate your life… If you don’t work on yourself, this is what you’re showing your kids.” (Scott, 04:10)
• On parental sacrifice:
  • “We have convinced ourselves that to be a good parent we have to sacrifice everything, right? That love is measured in hours logged at practices…” (Scott, 04:25)
• On changing your story:
  • “Start moving towards the direction of enjoying your life… because what your kids actually need to see is you excited about Tuesday because your thing is Tuesday.” (Scott, 15:48)
• On creating a legacy:
  • “Your kid won’t remember the activities. They will remember that you look trapped. That you’re living a life that looks like hell.” (Scott, 20:46)

Important Timestamps

• [01:27] – Episode’s main theme: Enduring vs. Enjoying your life
• [03:20] – Kids as “emotional mirrors”
• [06:00] – The “Alive Hours vs. Dead Hours” exercise explained
• [09:00] – Personal examples: Dad, Hockey, and Mom, Outdoors
• [13:45] – The impact of “alive” parents on kids' security & independence
• [15:35] – Action steps: Small changes for more “alive” hours
• [19:20] – What children actually remember about their parents
• [21:05] – Final encouragement: Choose life that lights you up

Conclusion:

Scott D. Clary’s lesson is clear and direct: Don’t resign yourself to a life of obligation and endurance—especially if your children are watching. The best thing you can do for those you love is to reclaim “alive hours,” model authentic happiness, and show your kids that adulthood is not a sentence—it’s an opportunity to build a life worth living.