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- [00:00]
Scott Clary
I have to take a second and thank Northwest Registered Agent for supporting today's episode. Now listen. I know a lot of entrepreneurs listen to this show. If you're an entrepreneur. If you're building a business, you have to listen if you want to get more. When you're launching your next big idea, Northwest Registered Agent lets you establish your entire business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. For nearly 30 years, they've been the secret weapon for entrepreneurs who want to move fast while getting expert guidance. For just $39 plus state fees, they'll handle your formation, create a custom website and establish your local presence wherever your business takes you. As an entrepreneur myself, what I value most is their one stop business solution. You get everything from formation paperwork to custom domains to trademark registration all in one easy to use account. No more juggling all these multiple services or wasting time figuring out the legal stuff. So don't wait. Protect your privacy, build your brand and set up your business in just 10 clicks and and 10 minutes. Visit northwestregisteredagent.com success and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent@northwestregisteredagent.com success.
- [01:07]
Peter Cunho
The Superhero Leadership Podcast is a Success story Partner now what does it take to lead like a superhero? You're going to find out on the Superhero Leadership Podcast. It's hosted by Marvel's former CEO and legendary turnaround expert, Peter Cunho. Each week, Peter is joined by top performers from business, media and beyond, leaders who have mastered the art of impact, resilience and vision. Together they explore Peter's 32 leadership essentials, revealing what it really takes to rise, inspire and lead with purpose. If you want to level up your leadership, this is your blueprint. Search for superhero leadership wherever you get your podcasts. In this Lessons episode, we're going to talk about how to escape the approval trap. How to going to show you why popular advice fails, why you need to stop making the safe choice, why we're trapped in this system designed to keep you average. We're going to talk about Winston Churchill, we're going to talk about World War II, and hopefully by the end of this podcast, you're going to understand how to stop living for other people's opinions and start thinking independently about what you actually want. This is going to be one of the most difficult truths for you to come to terms with, but it is one of the most important truths for you to come to terms with. If you'd like to build anything meaningful, if you'd like to have a happy, fulfilling, successful life, Popular is usually wrong. We have been conditioned to do what's popular. We have been conditioned to do what's likable, to keep the peace, to avoid conflict, to make everyone comfortable. Society has taught us that success comes from playing nice, following the rules, never making waves. And there's a moment in everyone's life when they realize that they've been living for an audience that doesn't even care about the show. The sad thing is, for many people, it's just really late in their life. But for me, it happened when I was 25, and I found myself explaining to my parents why I was quitting a job that looked perfect on paper. And the conversation lasted about three hours. And they used words like practical and realistic, and I used words like authentic and meaningful. And we were speaking very different languages. But what struck me wasn't their disappointment. I'd expect the disappointment. It was my own desperation to make them understand. And even as I argued for my right to choose my own path, I was still performing for their approval. And that conversation taught me something very important. The desire for approval doesn't disappear just because you intellectually know that it's limiting you. It's wired into us at a biological level. And for most of human history, social rejection meant death. Your nervous system still can't tell the difference between disappointing your family and being exiled from the tribe. And this is why most advice about being yourself misses the point. The problem isn't that people don't know what they want. The problem is that they know exactly what they want. And they also know it will disappoint the people they care about. But here's what nobody tells you about living for approval. It's not actually keeping anyone happy. Not them and definitely not you. And this is why we have to fix it. Now let's talk about the math that nobody ever does. Because we obsess over the cost of disappointing other people, but we never calculate the compound interest of disappointing ourselves. Let me tell you a story. I know a woman who's been about to leave for marriage for six years, not because her husband is abusive or terrible, but because they've grown into completely different people who want completely different lives. Now she stays because divorce would devastate her parents, confuse her kids, and basically disappoint her friends who see them as the perfect couple. Meanwhile, she's becoming someone that she doesn't recognize. More anxious, less creative, increasingly resentful, because the energy that it takes to maintain a life that isn't yours is enormous. And she's not just Staying in the wrong marriage, she is actively killing off the person that she could become every single day. When she chooses their comfort over being real, a little piece of her dies. Not in some dramatic way, just this slow wearing down, like water on stone. And this is what living for approval actually costs. Not just the stuff you don't do, but the person you never become. And when she finally filed for divorce at 34, you know how long her parents stayed mad? Three months. Three freaking months. She spent six years stressing about the reaction, and it lasted 90 days. But those six years of pretending to be someone else, that damage took way longer to fix. You are not protecting anyone by living a lie. You're just delaying everyone else's adjustment to reality. Now, you may avoid some temporary discomfort for a period of time, but eventually reality always catches up with you. Now here's what's really crazy about popular advice. About playing it safe, about not making choices that go against the grain. Most popular advice isn't designed to help you succeed. It's designed to help you fit in. So be realistic. Don't get your hopes up. Do what's practical or rational. Having a backup plan. Think about what people will say. This isn't wisdom. It's social control disguised as concern. Popular advice is popular because it keeps people from making choices that threaten the status quo. Think about every piece of conventional wisdom that you've ever heard, about careers or relationships or money or life goals. Almost all of it is designed to keep you from standing out and taking risks and making anyone uncomfortable with your success. The people giving this advice aren't trying to hold you back. They genuinely think that they're helping. But they're operating from their own fear of judgment, their own need for approval, and their own attachment to doing what's expected. So when you ask for advice, understand that you're usually asking people to help you avoid disapproval. And that's exactly what you're going to get. But where it gets really twisted is that most people secretly want you to follow the popular advice because your success makes them question their own choices. So? So when you take the safe job, they feel better about taking the safe job. When you stay in the okay relationship, they feel justified staying in their okay relationship. When you follow the conventional path, they don't have to examine why they're following it, too. So your willingness to seek approval validates everyone else's need for approval. And this completely changes how you should look at the advice that you're getting and giving now. Why do we listen to this bad advice? Why do we accept it so easily? We lack courage. Now, most people think courage means facing physical danger, but real courage is choosing disapproval over mediocrity. Let's look at a historical example. Churchill understood this. In the 1930s, he kept warning Britain about Hitler. When everyone else was promoting popular opinions about peace and appeasement, his own party basically kicked him out. People called him a warmonger. The media said he was washed up. But Churchill trusted his judgment more than he feared being unpopular. And When World War II started, suddenly everyone realized he'd been right the whole time. The courage that made him unpopular during peace made him essential during war. So the decisions that matter, the ones that matter the most, they don't require you to be fearless. They just require you to be more afraid of following popular opinion than standing alone.
- [08:52]
Scott Clary
The HubSpot Podcast Network is a Success Story Partner now if you like Success Story, you're going to love other podcasts in the HubSpot podcast network. One of my personal favorites is I Digress, hosted by my boy Troy Sandich. With shows under 30 minutes, I digress helps eliminate complexity, complications and confusion in your business with frameworks and strategies to achieve true, scalable and sustainable success. If you are an entrepreneur building anything you need to listen to I Digress. This is one of the most useful business podcasts you're ever gonna subscribe to. Listen to I Digress. Wherever you get your podcasts, NetSuite is.
- [09:35]
Troy Sandich
A success Story partner. Now, what does the future hold for business? If you ask nine experts, you're gonna get 10 answers.
- [09:41]
Peter Cunho
Bull market.
- [09:42]
Troy Sandich
Bear Market rates will rise.
- [09:44]
Peter Cunho
Rates will fall.
- [09:45]
Troy Sandich
Honestly, I just wish somebody could invent a crystal ball. But until then, over 41,000 businesses have future proofed their business with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud ERP, bringing accounting, financial management, inventory and HR into one fluid platform. With real time insights and forecasting, you're peering into the future with actionable data. And when you're closing the books in days, night, not weeks, you're spending less time looking backwards and more time on what's next. If I had needed this product, this is what I'd use. Whether your company is earning millions or even hundreds of millions, NetSuite helps you respond to immediate challenges and seize your biggest opportunities. And speaking of opportunity, download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning at netsuite.com ScottClary the guide is free to you at netsuite.com Scottclary netsuite.com Scott Clary.
- [10:39]
Peter Cunho
Here'S something that'll blow your Mind track. How much of your week is spent managing other people's opinions of your choices? How much time do you spend explaining yourself? How often do you check whether people approve of what you're doing? How many decisions do you run by other people before making them? And I've done this before and I spent some weeks over 20 hours managing my parents opinions about my life choices, or getting my friends input on decisions that I've already made, or adjusting my behavior based on what I thought people expected. 20 hours a week. That is half a job spent on approval management. Because you don't have the courage to do what you know you need to do and act in your own best interest. And the first step to break out of this is to remove yourself from the popular opinion echo chamber. Because the people that are closest to you, your friends, your family, they are probably reinforcing your need for approval. Instead of challenging you to think differently. If they are challenging you to think differently, you have a very good group of friends. But look at your five closest friends. When you tell them about an unconventional idea, do they get excited about your potential or do they immediately start listing the reasons why it might not work? When you express frustration with following everyone else's expectations, do they encourage you to break free? Or do they help you rationalize staying where you are? If your friends, if your family, if your peers aren't making you question popular wisdom, they're helping you follow it. And this is not about being a jerk or ditching people that you care about. It's about understanding that most social circles are echo chambers for conventional thinking. If everyone around you is seeking the same kind of approval from the same kind of people, that becomes your normal. And when you share a goal that goes against popular opinion, you, your friends are going to try to protect you by talking you out of it. They're going to use phrases like I just want you to be realistic or I don't want to see you get hurt. But what they're really saying is your willingness to risk disapproval makes me uncomfortable with my own choices. Because most people would rather have friends who validate their need for approval than friends who challenge them to think differently. And this friend audit, it will naturally force you to face the hardest part of rejecting popular opinion. Loneliness. Because what happens when you start choosing what you actually think and what's actually good for you over what's popular? You're going to be lonely for a while. Not this romantic kind of loneliness where you're misunderstood by the world, but the practical kind where you have fewer People who understand your choices. Loneliness isn't the price of rejecting popular opinion population, but it's the gap between your old social circle and your new one. And most people hit this phase and then they run back to popular thinking because it's easier to have opinions that everybody agrees with than to think independently while you find people who appreciate original thought. But the thing is that the loneliness is temporary. Following popular opinion is permanent. And when you consistently choose what you actually think over what's socially acceptable, you start attracting people who are who value independent thinking. Not because you're contrarian for the sake of it, but because they respect people who form their own opinions. Remember that woman who got divorced? Her kids initially struggled with her choice to go against everyone's advice about working on the marriage. But six months later, daughter actually said something to her that was beautiful. She said, I'm proud of you for choosing what you thought was right instead of what everyone else thought was right. I didn't know that was allowed. Now I just want to leave you with one final thought. Your life isn't a democracy. Other people don't get to vote on your choices just because they have popular opinions about them. You're the only one who has to live with what you decide. You're the only one who has to wake up in your life every morning. And you're the only one who has to look in the mirror and respect the person who followed or rejected the advice they were given. Everyone else gets to have opinions. You're the only one who has to.
- [14:39]
Troy Sandich
Live with the consequences.
- [14:40]
Peter Cunho
But here's the question that'll keep you up at night if you don't answer it honestly. What if the life you're protecting by following popular advice isn't worth protecting? What if the relationships that depend on you seeking approval, they're not actually serving you? What if the social acceptance you get from following conventional wisdom comes at the cost of thinking for yourself? What if the safety that you get from doing what's expected is is just this comfortable prison? Most people spend their whole lives following popular opinions about what they should want, how they should live, and what they should prioritize. They're so busy making sure their choices are socially acceptable that they never ask whether their choices actually make sense to them. Remember, popular advice is popular because it keeps people from threatening the status quo. Following it guarantees that you're going to get the same results as everyone else. The approval you get for following popular opinion today, it's going to be meaningless tomorrow. But the life that you build by thinking independently, that is yours forever. The choice is very simple. Think for yourself. Not because you want to be contrarian. Because you understand that the best thing you can give the world is your actual thoughts, not a regurgitation of everyone else's opinions. So if you want what most people have, follow what most people think. If you want what most people will never have, be willing to think what most people will never think. Because you're going to disappoint people either way. The question is whether you're going to disappoint them by thinking for yourself or by thinking what they expect you to think.
- [16:21]
Troy Sandich
Indeed is a Success Story Partner now say you just realized your business needed to hire someone fast. How can you find amazing candidates fast? It's easy. Just use Indeed. When it comes to hiring, Indeed is all you need. Stop struggling to get your job post seen on other job sites. Indeed Sponsored Jobs help you stand out and hire fast. And with Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster and it.
- [16:46]
Peter Cunho
Makes a huge difference.
- [16:47]
Troy Sandich
According to Indeed data, Sponsored Jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Plus with Indeed sponsored Jobs, there's no monthly subscription, no long term contracts.
- [17:01]
Peter Cunho
You only pay for results.
- [17:02]
Troy Sandich
There's no need to wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility@indoubtedly.com Clary just go to indeed.com Clary right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed. On this podcast. Indeed.com Clary terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.