Success Story Podcast with Scott D. Clary

Episode Title: Lessons – The Dreams You're Chasing Aren't Even Yours
Date: September 24, 2025
Host: Scott D. Clary

Main Theme & Purpose

This Lessons episode of the Success Story podcast, hosted by Scott D. Clary, confronts a profound and uncomfortable truth: most people spend their lives pursuing dreams, ambitions, and goals that aren’t truly their own. Drawing from philosophy, psychology, and personal anecdotes, Scott explores how desires are often borrowed from others—families, cultures, and now, powerfully, from social media—instead of being consciously chosen. The episode offers a wake-up call to examine the authenticity of the lives we lead and provides a roadmap for identifying and pursuing genuine goals.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Painful Truth of Borrowed Dreams

• The "Romantic Lie":
  • Scott frames the central issue: “The dreams that you’re chasing aren’t even yours... you are living someone else’s version of a good life.” [00:14]
• Story of Grace:
  • Scott recounts (based on a true story by palliative nurse Bronnie Ware) how many people, like Grace, end life regretting that they didn’t have “the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” [01:54]
  • Scott reframes Grace’s regret—not as a lack of courage, but as never having her own dreams to begin with.

Mimetic Desire — Why We Want What Others Want

• René Girard’s Theory:
  • We don't independently know what we want; we imitate desires from people around us.
  • “We are constantly borrowing other people’s dreams and mistaking them for our own.” [03:30]
• Social Media’s Influence:
  • Social media is described as a “precision weapon” amplifying mimetic desire by exposing us to curated images of success, nudging us to copy what’s popular or admired.
  • “You start to replace your own inner compass with someone else’s GPS.” [06:02]
• Consequences:
  • Result is a lifetime spent pursuing goals, careers, or lifestyles that leave us feeling empty, despite social approval or apparent success.

The Tragedy of the Unlived Life

• Common Deathbed Regrets:
  • Most regrets at life’s end aren't about failures but about never having tried to live for oneself.
  • “People on their deathbeds don’t regret the chances they took... They regret the chances they didn’t take because they were too busy living up to other people’s expectations.” [08:55]
• Carl Jung’s Insight:
  • Jung termed this “the tragedy of the unlived life,” the parts of ourselves we never explore because we are trapped by others’ expectations. [11:05]

Authenticity — and Why It’s So Difficult

• The Authenticity Paradox:
  • Living authentically is touted as a goal, but “what if you don’t know who you authentically are? What if you spent so long copying others that you’ve lost touch with your own desires?” [12:05]
• Inherited Values and Borrowed Passions:
  • Many people panic upon realizing their passions and dreams are “hand-me-downs” rather than original.

Moving from Mimetic to Conscious Desire

• Choosing What to Want:
  • The episode’s practical guidance centers on learning to desire consciously, not reflexively.
  • “Since all desire is learned, you can learn to desire consciously instead of unconsciously.” [14:39]
• Key Questions to Reclaim Your Authentic Dreams:
  • Who am I copying? Do I want to become like them?
  • What would I regret not trying?
  • What would make me feel alive?
  • If no one ever knew about my accomplishments, would I still want them? [16:05]
  • What paths would I choose if I could live five completely different lives?
  • What did I love before I cared what people thought? (childhood clues)
  • What would I do if I knew I had only 10 years to live?
  • What do I fear people would think if I pursued what I actually want? [18:10]
• These questions shift focus from external validation to internal meaning.

The Price and Reward of True Authenticity

• Being Misunderstood:
  • “When you stop copying other people’s dreams and you start pursuing your own... you start to leave the crowd behind. You have to be willing to be misunderstood.” [21:50]
• The Real Reward:
  • Fulfillment comes not from compliance, but from pursuing dreams that are genuinely yours—even if others don’t understand or approve.

Urgency — Your Life Is Not a Dress Rehearsal

• Reflection & Action:
  • “Your life is not a dress rehearsal. This is the only shot you get. The worst thing... isn’t that you’ll fail at pursuing your authentic dreams. The worst thing... is you’ll succeed at pursuing someone else’s.” [23:40]
• Call to Action:
  • Start asking yourself the hard questions, and make the choice to live a life that’s truly yours.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On The Nature of Desire:
  • “We are constantly borrowing other people’s dreams and mistaking them for our own.” [03:30]
• On Social Media:
  • “You start to replace your own inner compass with someone else’s GPS.” [06:02]
• On Regret and Success:
  • “People on their deathbeds don’t regret the chances they took or the mistakes they made. They regret the chances they didn’t take because they were too busy living up to other people’s expectations.” [08:55]
• On Authenticity:
  • “But what if you don’t know who you authentically are? What if you spent so long copying others that you’ve lost touch with your own desires, your own values, your own vision of what a meaningful life looks like?” [12:05]
• On Choosing Desire:
  • “Since all desire is learned, you can learn to desire consciously instead of unconsciously.” [14:39]
• On Recognition vs. Fulfillment:
  • “Most people want recognition more than they want the actual thing they’re working towards. And if you strip away the audience, you’re going to start to discover what actually matters to you.” [16:19]
• On Authentic Living:
  • “When you stop copying other people's dreams and you start pursuing your own... you have to be willing to be misunderstood.” [21:50]
• On Urgency and Regret:
  • “Your life is not a dress rehearsal. ... The worst thing that can happen isn’t that you’ll fail at pursuing your authentic dreams. The worst thing ... is that you’ll succeed at pursuing someone else’s.” [23:40]

Key Timestamps

• [00:00] – Introduction; the core dilemma of borrowed dreams
• [01:54] – Story of Grace and universal deathbed regrets
• [03:30] – Mimetic desire explained via René Girard
• [06:02] – Social media’s role in shaping desire
• [08:55] – Deathbed regrets: action vs. inaction
• [11:05] – Carl Jung and “the tragedy of the unlived life”
• [12:05] – The struggle of knowing your authentic self
• [14:39] – Mimetic vs. conscious desire; reclaiming your goals
• [16:19] – Powerful self-reflection questions
• [18:10] – Coping with others’ expectations
• [21:50] – The loneliness and value of authentic living
• [23:40] – Final reflection and call to action

Conclusion

Scott D. Clary’s episode is a striking call to wake up from the “romantic lie” and examine whose dreams you’re really chasing. Drawing from moving anecdotes, philosophy, and practical questions, he urges listeners to consciously choose their desires, unravel the layers of borrowed ambition, and find the courage to live authentically—even if it means standing alone. As Scott repeatedly emphasizes: “Your life is not a dress rehearsal ... the dreams you could choose to live are yours. The question is, will you make that choice?”