Lessons - The FBI Negotiation Tactics That Transform Business Deals | Chris Voss - Former FBI Hostage Negotiator

Summary

Success Story Podcast Summary: Lessons – The FBI Negotiation Tactics That Transform Business Deals | Chris Voss

Host: Scott D. Clary
Guest: Chris Voss, Former FBI Hostage Negotiator
Release Date: June 1, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of the Success Story Podcast, Scott D. Clary welcomes Chris Voss, a renowned former FBI hostage negotiator, to delve into the intricacies of negotiation tactics derived from high-stakes situations and their application in the business realm. Voss shares invaluable insights on tactical empathy, effective communication, and strategies to enhance business dealings by leveraging his extensive experience in negotiation.

Tactical Empathy in Negotiations

Defining Tactical Empathy

Chris Voss begins by clarifying the concept of tactical empathy, distinguishing it from commonly misconceived notions such as sympathy, agreement, or compassion. At [02:00], Voss states:

"Empathy is about the transmission of information. Compassion is the reaction to that transmission."

He emphasizes that tactical empathy involves understanding the other party's perspective without necessarily agreeing with it. This approach fosters trust and opens channels for more meaningful and truthful communication.

Application in Business

Voss explains how tactical empathy can be a powerful tool in business negotiations. By articulating the other party’s perspective, negotiators can build rapport and uncover underlying motives or fears that might otherwise hinder agreement. As he puts it:

"Empathy truly understand where the other side's coming from, even if you don't like it." ([02:30])

This technique helps in creating a collaborative environment where both parties feel heard and valued, facilitating smoother and more effective business deals.

Misconceptions and Common Mistakes

Assuming Shared Perspectives

A significant misconception Voss addresses is the assumption that both parties share the same perspective. At [12:15], he clarifies:

"A common misconception is that you guys are on the same sheet of music or you see things the same way."

Understanding that each party has distinct viewpoints is crucial. Voss advises negotiators to invite the other party to share their perspective first, rather than leading with their own position. This strategy not only provides valuable information but also demonstrates respect for the other’s viewpoint.

Over-Talking in Negotiations

Voss highlights the importance of silence in negotiations. He notes:

"When you shut up, good things happen." ([13:11])

By allowing moments of silence after making a point, negotiators can encourage the other party to share more information or reveal their true intentions. This technique often leads to deeper connections and more honest communications.

Handling Deception and Lies

Understanding the Nature of Lies

Voss discusses the prevalence of deception in negotiations, clarifying that most lies are not malicious but stem from fear. At [14:10], he explains:

"The vast majority of it is deceptive and defensive in nature. People are lying because they're scared, because they're afraid to tell you the truth."

Recognizing the underlying fears that drive deception allows negotiators to approach the situation with empathy rather than judgment, creating a safer space for honesty.

Encouraging Transparency

To combat deception, Voss suggests fostering an environment where the other party feels safe to share the truth. He advises:

"You deactivate their fears by saying it's probably stuff you're holding back. You're scared if you tell me it's going to blow up the deal."

This approach reassures the other party that revealing their true thoughts won't jeopardize the negotiation, thereby promoting transparency and trust.

Silence and Listening Techniques

The Power of Silence

Voss underscores the strategic use of silence during negotiations. He shares:

"Two out of three negotiators, it's impossible for them to shut up. You're going to find that in those golden moments of silence, they're either going to bond with you or they're going to give you information." ([12:15])

These silent pauses can be powerful tools to encourage the other side to open up, providing negotiators with valuable insights and strengthening the overall negotiation process.

Active Listening vs. Hearing

Differentiating between hearing and listening is another critical aspect Voss addresses. He points out:

"Listening hasn't taken place. Hearing took place." ([05:00])

Active listening involves analyzing and understanding the true meaning behind the words, which is essential for effective negotiation. This deeper level of engagement ensures that negotiators grasp the other party's needs and concerns fully.

Practical Examples and Strategies

Articulating the Other Side’s Perspective

Voss provides practical guidance on how to implement tactical empathy. He suggests:

"Before we go any farther, here's how I think you see things." ([07:00])

By openly expressing an understanding of the other party's viewpoint, negotiators can prompt corrections and clarifications, ensuring that both sides are on the same page and fostering a more collaborative atmosphere.

Inviting Correction

Encouraging the other party to correct any misinterpretations helps in maintaining clarity and preventing misunderstandings. Voss recommends:

"Your tone of voice should be telling you negative things about my thought patterns towards you. But if instead I say, all right, so before we go any farther, here's how I think you see things... you're going to want to correct me." ([07:30])

This tactic not only clarifies intentions but also builds mutual respect and understanding, which are essential for successful negotiations.

Conclusion and Key Takeaways

In wrapping up the discussion, Chris Voss reiterates the significance of tactical empathy, effective listening, and strategic silence in negotiations. He emphasizes that these techniques, rooted in his experience as an FBI hostage negotiator, are equally applicable and highly effective in business settings. Key takeaways from the episode include:

• Tactical Empathy: Understanding and articulating the other party’s perspective without agreement.
• Silence: Using pauses strategically to encourage information sharing.
• Active Listening: Differentiating between hearing and truly understanding the other party.
• Handling Deception: Creating a safe environment that reduces fears and promotes honesty.
• Inviting Correction: Encouraging the other side to clarify and correct misunderstandings to build trust.

By adopting these strategies, business professionals and entrepreneurs can enhance their negotiation skills, foster stronger relationships, and achieve more favorable outcomes in their deals.

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Notable Quotes:

• "Empathy is about the transmission of information. Compassion is the reaction to that transmission." – Chris Voss ([02:30])
• "A common misconception is that you guys are on the same sheet of music or you see things the same way." – Chris Voss ([12:15])
• "When you shut up, good things happen." – Chris Voss ([13:11])
• "Listening hasn't taken place. Hearing took place." – Chris Voss ([05:00])

This episode provides a comprehensive exploration of negotiation tactics that transcend typical business interactions, offering listeners actionable strategies grounded in high-stakes negotiation expertise.

Transcript

[Scott Clary]

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[Chris Voss]

This lessons episode, learn how tactical empathy improves negotiations by focusing on understanding, not agreement. Learn why articulating someone else's perspective builds trust without compromising your own position. Learn how silence, curiosity, and honest acknowledgment of fears create space for deeper connection and more truthful communication. You talk a lot and speak a lot about empathy in business. Define how you oh, this is gonna. I'm saying it the wrong way. I was gonna say define how you leverage empathy for business, but that's already insinuating that you're using it to a means to an end. What is the what is the proper way to use empathy in business so that you get what you want, but you also don't get taken advantage of.

[Unknown Expert]

Yeah, okay, so let's define empathy first. Let's define it as simply assessments and the articulation of your assessment. Empathy is not sympathy. Empathy is not agreement. Empathy is not compassion. A friend of mine, Steven Kotler, read a number of books that are worth reading. The Rise of Superman and Stealing Fire too, great of my favorites that Steven wrote. And in one of his books he said, empathy is about the transmission of information. Compassion is the reaction to that transmission. So empathy truly understand where the other side's coming from, even if you don't like it. And then being able to articulate it from their perspective. What does that look like? You think I'm being unfair? You think I'm greedy. You think that I don't care about you at all. Those are empathy statements. I never agreed nor disagreed. I just pointed out what my gut instinct is telling me that you're thinking. And we teach tactical empathy as the articulation, the expression of what your gut is telling you about their perspective. If you take away agreement or disagreement, then you can be empathic with anyone. A member of Hamas can be compassion empathetic with someone from Israel and vice versa, because it's not agreement or disagreement. So if, if somebody from Hamas can do it with somebody from Israel, that means you could do it too, if you define it that way. Now, business, it's a way of analyzing. So let me analyze what you're probably thinking. Let me feed it back to you. You're going to feel very connected to me. It's actually going to open up the channels. One of the phrases, which is the cliche about negotiation is the biggest myth about. About communication is the biggest myth about communication is that it's taken place. Now people hear that and they say, oh, I just have to express myself better. Now, the opposite is true. Listening hasn't been taken taken place. Hearing took place. I heard what you said, but did I analyze it? Did I think about what it meant? You know, the whole grade school thing, probably in seventh grade, somebody, you had a teacher that said, what's the difference between listening and hearing? I can still remember that. But the difference is, did you analyze what they said and discern its true meaning? Which means you're not agreeing with it, which now puts it in the business context. And then in certain predictable things based on fears you're going to feel at some point in time. I'm asking for too much. You're going to feel at some point in time, I'm being disrespectful. You're going to feel at some point in time. I got a hidden agenda because I won't get to the point. Me saying that begins to clear the air, and it puts me in a position to move forward with you.

[Chris Voss]

Two thoughts on that.

[Scott Clary]

First thought, should you actually articulate that.

[Chris Voss]

To the person that you're speaking to? And then second thought, how do you make sure that your own lens that you see the world through does not impact how you infer what they think? Because it's good to be empathetic, but.

[Scott Clary]

You'Re going to have your own worldview.

[Unknown Host]

That'S going to impact.

[Chris Voss]

So. Yes.

[Unknown Host]

So should you articulate that and why? And then how do you stop your.

[Chris Voss]

Own lens from fogging it all up?

[Unknown Expert]

Yeah, first of all, you should. Like in anytime your gut's telling you you should. And there's aspects to it that when we're coaching in negotiations, we're going to ask you to lead with. Like in a, In a. In a first meeting, you're gonna. You can say to them, look, you. At some point in time, you're probably gonna ask yourself whether or not you're wasting your time with me. Because they're probably 60 seconds into the meeting, they're thinking that what this does is it deactivates and inoculates. Most people think of plants, fears. It does. You can't plant a fear. You can just. You can plan it. If you deny it. If I could say to you, like, look, I don't want you to think I'm being greedy. You're gonna be like, oh, I gotta cover my wallet. Here it comes. And I can say, look, it's probably gonna seem greedy. And then when I lay out what I want, your reaction to that is gonna be like, oh, well, actually, that was just honest. I appreciate you being honest with me. So those are examples of why you should go ahead and call it out in the moment or even in advance. Now, does my lens interfere with me seeing it? Yes. That's why you want to lay out what you think the other side's seeing. Because for not just your lens, you know, your angles on it leading up to this moment. So I frequently say and coach people to say, look, before we go on, here's how I think you see things. Now I'm going to lay it out in wherever my vision has been clouded. If I approach you with genuine curiosity, not judgment, I can't say, here's how I think you see things. You know, my tone of voice is telling you negative things about my thought patterns towards you. But if instead I say, all right, so before we go any farther, here's how I think you see things. You know, that's exploratory, collaborative, whatever I'm missing, whatever I'm wrong on, you're going to want to correct me, because the urge to correct is actually very satisfying. And you're going to feel good about it. So that's how you keep your filter from getting in the way.

[Chris Voss]

Check in with the other side and.

[Scott Clary]

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[Scott Clary]

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[Chris Voss]

One last question. When people deploy this tactic and then I want to move on to something, a couple other ideas. But when people deploy this tactic, what would one thing be that they get wrong the majority of the time? What is one common misconception about deploying tactical empathy?

[Unknown Expert]

First of all, that your perspective is their perspective. Even if your perspective is accurate, they're going to have a different perspective. A common misconception is that you guys are on the same sheet of music or you see things the same way. Among other common misconceptions that you got to go first and you got to lay out your position first. That's the mark of an average negotiator. So I need the information in your head, which is why I'm going to invite you to go first. And then two out of three negotiators, it's impossible for them to shut up, shut up more. You're going to find that in those golden moments of silence, they're either going to bond with you or they're going to give you information. Both those things are good.

[Chris Voss]

You know, it's so funny, that's one thing that I remember when way, way, way back in a past life when I was in sales and I can't remember who told me this, but the sentence was, whoever talks less wins. That was it. And so far, I mean, this is what I do for a living. I try and talk as little as possible and just let the guest. Now, it's not a negotiation. It's hopefully, hopefully it's beneficial to both of us. But yes, when you shut up, good things happen.

[Unknown Expert]

When you shut up, good things happen. Amen.

[Chris Voss]

Let's talk about people being deceitful. Counterfeit yeses. I thought it was so interesting because when I was first putting some of these talking points together, of course I like to call them lies. I'm pretty sure that's what the rest of the world calls them. You don't like to call them lies. So this Plays a big piece of negotiation. Obviously it's, you have to figure out what's the truth and what's not. First of all, why do you not like calling lies lies?

[Unknown Expert]

Because of the emotional reaction to it. You know, lies slash deception. The vast majority of it is decept, defensive in nature. People are deceiving people. Lying because they're scared, because they're afraid to tell you the truth. Now that doesn't mean they're trying to victimize you. They're, they're scared of the relationship. They're scared. Is he going to say no? They don't know how to tell you the truth. So the deception takes place on a massive level. But it's not predatory. It's. Some of it is predatory. A small percentage. What's the percentage? Let me, let me put it like this. There's a guess that the incidence of someone being a sociopath or a psychopath. I was trying to read the current differences in the definitions. Sociopaths are somebody that intentionally prey upon you in the moment. A psychopath is somebody who plans on preying on you in a future moment. So it's a, it's a planning issue. 1 in 35. So that means 34 out of 35. If that number holds, when they deceive you, they're not trying to victimize you. 34 out of 35 lies, let's say, is this defensive? They don't know how to tell you the truth. They're, they don't know how to fix it. If they do, it's, it's all fear based. Not necessarily the same as being a coward. Those are two different instances. But fear based because they're trying to preserve the relationship, but they don't know how to get around it. So why am I going on this rant? Yes, it exists all the time. Stop yourself from being triggered on it. You're going to assume that they're lying to you because they're trying to victimize you. That's a, that's knock the case 34 out of 35 times. So you encourage people to become straight shooters. And how do you do that? You deactivate their fears. How do you do that? You're saying it's probably stuff you're holding back. You're scared if you tell me it's going to blow up the deal. I know you've got things that you're afraid to tell me because you think if I know them, I'll exploit you. Me, even sharing that recognition is going to get you to start to loosen up. Now my walk has to match my talk, and I'm very careful about that. But I'm also very concerned about if I say something that doesn't add up to you, you're going to instinctively react that I'm trying to hurt you. So I got to be careful about making sure those two things add up. I gotta be careful about being vague. I gotta in fact under promise instead overpromise. And then I gotta talk to you, with you about how we're gonna fix things when we come to the inevitable glitches that life brings in, no matter what happens.

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[Scott Clary]

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