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Success Story with Scott D. Clary
Lessons - What Is Money Trauma? | Ken Honda - Japan's #1 Money Psychology Expert
00:13:23
In this "Lessons" episode, Ken Honda, Japan’s #1 Money Psychology Expert, shares how deep-seated money trauma from childhood shapes our financial decisions and limits our potential. He explains that early money wounds—formed through feelings of unworthiness and messages of scarcity—can hold us back from pursuing opportunities and building wealth. By embracing forgiveness and practicing compassionate reflection, Ken shows us how to heal these wounds, transform our relationship with money, and ultimately unlock both personal and professional growth.
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Transcript13 lines
- [00:00]
A
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- [01:40]
B
Lessons episode, discover how deep seated money trauma from childhood shapes financial decisions and limits potential. Learn why healing these early wounds is essential for personal and professional growth. And understand how forgiveness and compassionate reflection.
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A
Can transform your relationship with money. You're.
- [02:05]
B
You're known as, as one of, one of the, the sort of the names you go by is the. The Zen millionaire. Zen is. Zen is obviously very important to you and very meaningful and, and this whole, this whole framework of like asking these thoughtful questions that require you to think deeper and go be go below the surface. If you would help somebody understand maybe why Zen is important. But more than Zen, the concept of asking questions to help you look at the world in a different way and maybe a better way maybe explain that and help people understand the questions they should be asking themselves that could unlock a different view towards money, towards wealth, towards success, even like an exercise somebody could do right now that is in a really dark place, right?
- [02:59]
C
So, you know, every once in a while we fall into this dark place that nothing works. And then people around us seem to be very cold or indifferent or sometimes mean. It's because our world, our inner world, is made of anger, resentment and frustration. And that will be projected out. So when you are having a hard time or just struggling, you have to breathe in deep and then relax and you can have a different life. But in order to do that, you have to take a look at your life in a totally different way. The reason why you have financial issues, for example, is that you're making too little and spending too much and you're in the wrong place. But if you just find your own reserved seat, which means that if you find a good environment to lift you up, you will do well. You happen to be in a bad, bad place at the bad timing. So you have to find who you are and what you're good at. And if you do more of what you're good at, you get promoted, you get paid well, and you get moved to a place where people respect you, love you and appreciate you. So you have to find the right place for you. It takes time, you know, sometimes it takes a few years, but it's okay because life is a fun trip or process to find your best place, find your best partner, find your best friends, and you can surround them with the people that you care about. So it doesn't really matter where you stopped. You know, entrance is not the most important place. Exit is very important. Where you end up is more important because it doesn't really matter if you just junior high school dropout, or Harvard graduate school, you know, graduate, because what you end up doing, it means a lot more. So focus what you can give instead of what you have done or you haven't done.
- [05:25]
B
I love that. That's very important. That's so, so important. And you speak actually about, you go a step further in terms of what we believe is true and, and how we look at the world. When you go back to childhood and you speak about money trauma, because you speak about the perception of money and how basically it scarred us and like the money wounds that we have as a child. So we have these money wounds as a child, and I would love for you to explain that. But then we also have the school we went to, the friends we have the degree that we did or didn't get. We have all these things that impact how we see the world. And so many people have this hard time breaking out of. I would say, you know, after 25 years old, our view of the world for most people doesn't change too, too much. That's what's the sad thing about it. They just all these learned experiences make them see the world a certain way. And some people do the work and try and sort of break out of this shell that their parents have molded them into and that you know, school, high school and university and college have molded them into. But a lot of people don't. And I think that that's what actually hurts a significant amount of people and it really inhibits their potential. But this is besides the point I want to go back to money wounds, money trauma because the rest of what I'm talking about is really just like your, your experience professionally and academically that impacts how you perceive yourself. But what is this money trauma? Because I've never heard of this before but I, I'm really excited to understand like what it means for the jobs I take on the, the, the, the risks in terms of investment, the things that I spend money on, the, the companies I want to start. So how does this play into it?
- [07:14]
C
So I remember whenever I hear or birthday present, I remember my seventh year birthday, you know, I think I was thinking I, I'm, I'm already an adult so I wanted to have a mountain bike, you know, it's a very expensive, you know, very stylish one and I thought that's cool. You know, I'm, I'm growing up enough and my parents said that's too expensive and I was so hurt, you know, I'm not worth it, you know. He then meant that you are too early for that. And they're right because I cut my forehead here and here because of the bike accident. Afterwards.
- [08:07]
A
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- [09:53]
B
Parents, parents sometimes know best, right?
- [09:56]
C
So, but at the time I felt like I'm unworthy of this expensive gift, you know, I'm a cheap boy is what I, what I, what I thought. And then I was denied a few times. Later on when I was 14, 15, there was this homestay program to Los Angeles or Melbourne in Australia. I wanted to learn English, but by then my father was a heavy alcoholic. So I talked to my mother and she said okay, when your father is a good mood, is in a good mood, talk about your homestay. And I sighed because in my home that means never, you know, my mother, my father is never in a good mood. So that means like forget it, right? So I just had the brochure ready. When I find my father is even in a little bit better mood and when he's in good mood, I was going to pitch my homestay program for him. But it never happened because if I did, my father get, gets angry at me or my mom and he could get abusive, right? So I still remember on the day that the airplane goes somewhere, my friends are going to either LA or Australia. And I was like oh, oh my God. You know, I never felt jealousy for, for anything. Like I was so jealousy I was, I was going to die, I was going to burn in my jealousy. And by the way, Last year after 40 years I landed on the soil of Australia and I almost cried because my dreams of 40 years, you know, of course I could go. But I my trauma, like whenever I heard Australia, you know, my Heart ached. So every one of us had some kind of funny trauma. Sometimes big like your parents are divorced because of money and you're heavily scolded or I know a person who was kidnapped for money, you know, so a lot of money related trauma happened in our childhood. And unless we feel the side effect after effect of that is when we want to buy something, this deep voice saying, you're too cheap, you know, this is too expensive for you. When you want to start your own business, no, no, no, you can't make it because you didn't deserve a ballet lesson or a soccer lesson or a nice summer camp. Why such a failure can start a business and succeed. So subconsciously all these traumas just stop you and limit you. And I struggle with that because later on I wanted to study English and do something internationally, but it took me almost 40 years since I started thinking about that. So unless you heal your money trauma or money scars, we tend to limit ourselves. In a small box you have tips.
- [13:22]
B
On where people can even begin to start healing because that's some deep rooted stuff that's going back a very, very long ways.
- [13:32]
C
Right? Right. So you don't need to meet, see your, your therapist. And it's very simple if you're willing to do it, you know, in, in your imagination. Go back to your living room like 30 years ago, 40 years ago, and just look at your parents in your own eyes, adult eyes. And then your parents are maybe younger than you are now. You know, they're in their 20s or early 30s. Right. So you can see your parents kind of like puzzled. We don't have the money, you know, so to send, send the kid, a child to expensive summer school or ballet lessons or you know, Disneyland or whatever, and then you can see they're so confused and they feel so shameful. So instead of just confronting their shame and anxiety around money, they turn it on to their kids and they made their little one a bad guy. So like you're too expensive, you know, what do you think we, we are made of? You know, we're not made of money, you know, stuff like that or even, even in a very upsetting tone. So you can see a 7 year old, a 10 year old boy or girl, girl, saw her because of the comment that your young parent made. So you can say, you can go to close to your, your boy or girl and say it's okay. Okay. You know, it's not your fault. It's just your parents didn't have money, so that's why they cannot afford it. But if they have the money, they'll of course they'll be happy to give it to you, so it's not your fault. And they just hug your child yourself many years ago. And then being with the boy, be with a girl and then just give a blessing to the young parents because they didn't know much about money, they were as confused. You know, they're young, they may become a little smarter, but they didn't know much. So do you want to blame them for being ignorant? And if you have compassion and love for them, you can send love to your parents as well. So by looking at your young parents as innocent, ignorant people, can you accept them as who they are? And if you can forgive them, just give them your blessing. And by doing that, you realize, okay, nothing wrong with me. I can start my own business. I can just invest in new things. I can get married. Nothing stops me. At least, at least money doesn't stop me.
- [16:31]
B
Thanks for tuning in. If you found this valuable, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode. And if you want to dive deeper into this conversation, check out the links in the description to watch the full episode. See you in the next one.