Lessons - You're Preparing for a Life You'll Never Live (Scott) - Success Story with Scott D. Clary

Summary

Success Story Podcast: "Lessons - You're Preparing for a Life You'll Never Live" with Scott D. Clary

In the insightful episode titled "Lessons - You're Preparing for a Life You'll Never Live," hosted by Scott D. Clary of Success Story Media, listeners are guided through an introspective journey addressing the paradox of high achievement and personal fulfillment. Scott delves deep into the common struggle among high-performing individuals: the relentless pursuit of future goals at the expense of living in the present.

1. The Paradox of High Performance

Scott opens the discussion by highlighting a prevalent issue among ambitious individuals—the fear of wasting life which leads to an unintentional neglect of the present. He states:

"We're always trying to push the next level, get to the next milestone... we've forgotten to live them."
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This sets the stage for exploring how the quest for continual achievement often results in missing out on the joys and experiences of the present moment.

2. The Moving Goalposts Phenomenon

Delving deeper, Scott explains the cyclical nature of setting and chasing higher goals:

"When you started your business, you'd be happy if you made a hundred K... and now you're making more money than your parents ever dreamed of. And you're still not living the life that you promised yourself."
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This perpetual shifting of goalposts creates a never-ending chase where each achievement only leads to the emergence of new objectives, fostering a sense of perpetual dissatisfaction.

3. The Impact on Personal Fulfillment

Scott elucidates the psychological toll of this relentless pursuit:

"If you work 60 hours a week for the next 20 years... That's more time than most people spend awake with their families in a lifetime."
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He emphasizes that the cost of this overzealous preparation extends beyond time—it erodes relationships, fosters isolation, and ultimately leads to a profound sense of emptiness despite material success.

4. Childhood Influences and Their Lingering Effects

Addressing the root causes, Scott connects high achievement tendencies to childhood experiences:

"You are probably the child who got hugs for good grades and silence just for existing... you're still trying to earn gold stars in your subconscious from a teacher who isn't even there anymore."
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This internalized need for external validation drives individuals to constantly seek higher achievements, perpetuating the cycle of dissatisfaction.

5. Historical Perspective: Marcus Aurelius' Wisdom

To underscore his point, Scott references Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor who grappled with similar struggles despite immense power and success:

"He would always write out, 'You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.'"
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Aurelius' realization that internal peace is not dictated by external circumstances serves as a powerful reminder that true fulfillment comes from within, not from external achievements.

6. Defining “Enough” as the Path to Fulfillment

Scott introduces a transformative concept to break free from the endless pursuit of more: defining one's "enough number."

"What is an enough number? It's how much you have to make, right?... the actual amount of money that you would want to take home every single year so you could live the life that you want without compromise."
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By identifying a specific financial benchmark that allows for a comfortable and fulfilling life without the pressures of continual escalation, individuals can anchor their satisfaction in the present.

He cites Warren Buffett as an exemplar:

"Warren Buffett... decided it was enough. He could buy anything he wants in this world, and he chooses to need very little. That's not frugality. That's freedom."
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This approach emphasizes that satisfaction is a choice and a mindset, not merely a function of wealth accumulation.

7. Practical Steps to Embrace the Present

Scott offers actionable advice to implement this philosophy:

Write Down Your Enough Number: Determine the annual income that allows you to live without compromise.
Assess Current Life Against Your Enough Number: Reflect on what you would do if you already had that amount.
Shift Focus from Future Goals to Present Enjoyment: Prioritize relationships, experiences, and personal well-being over continual financial or professional milestones.

8. The Cost of Over-Preparation

Illustrating the long-term consequences, Scott presents a sobering calculation:

"If you work 60 hours a week for the next 20 years... you are spending more time preparing for life than living it."
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He underscores that this imbalance not only diminishes personal fulfillment but also strains relationships, leading to regret and a sense of missing out on life's true treasures.

9. Final Reflections and Call to Action

Concluding the episode, Scott urges listeners to make a conscious choice between perpetually preparing for an idealized future and fully engaging with the present:

"You can keep preparing for that extraordinary life, or you can show up to the one that's happening right now. But you can't do both."
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He reinforces the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius:

"Confine yourself to the present."
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Scott's final message is a poignant reminder that life is unfolding in the present moment, and true fulfillment comes from embracing it rather than endlessly striving for an ever-moving target.

Key Takeaways

Relentless Pursuit Can Lead to Neglect of the Present: High achievers often sacrifice current happiness for future goals, leading to a life that feels unfulfilled.
Define "Enough" to Anchor Satisfaction: Establishing a clear "enough number" helps individuals recognize when they have achieved sufficient success to live a fulfilling life without the need for constant escalation.
Internal Fulfillment Over External Achievements: True happiness stems from internal contentment and relationships, not merely from external accomplishments or financial milestones.
Break the Cycle by Embracing the Present: Shifting focus from future goals to present experiences can lead to a more balanced and satisfying life.

Conclusion

In this compelling episode, Scott D. Clary masterfully dissects the intricate dance between ambition and personal fulfillment. By advocating for the recognition of "enough" and the importance of living in the present, he provides a roadmap for high-performing individuals to reclaim their lives from the relentless pursuit of future success. This episode serves as a vital reminder that the life we prepare for should not overshadow the life we are living, urging listeners to find balance, embrace the present, and redefine what true success means to them.

Transcript

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In this Lessons episode, I want to talk about why high performing people are so afraid of wasting their life that they've actually forgotten to live it. Because just like myself, I've dealt with this before. Working endless hours to build this perfect future while we're completely missing the life that's happening right now. I'm going to show you exactly why you keep moving your own goalposts. Why even the most powerful people in history couldn't solve this problem, and a simple framework that finally breaks the cycle. And by the end, you're going to see why the life that you're preparing for is actually the one that you're already living. Today's podcast is very personal for me because what I'm going to talk about today is something that has impacted me and I think it's impacted a lot of people who are listening to this, who are, you know, the quote unquote, high performing, super ambitious people who are always trying to push the next level, get to the next milestone. I think that a lot of us are so afraid of wasting our lives that we've forgotten to live them. Let me explain what I mean. When you started your business, you started your career. You'd be happy if you made a hundred K. You'd be happy if your business hit 100K in sales. And then it was 200K and then it was 500K. And now you're making more money than your parents ever dreamed of. And you're still not living the life that you promised yourself that you would live when you, quote, unquote, made it. Because your goal posts keep moving and you keep chasing them. And you are convinced that the next milestone will finally give you permission to stop optimizing and start living. It will finally give you permission to go on vacation. It will finally give you permission to work less hours. The next milestone will finally give you permission to buy that condo and settle down. And the next milestone will finally give you permission to have kids, because how could I afford them right now? But all of that narrative that is all made up in your mind and those goal posts that keep moving, well, they're not moving themselves, you're moving them. Because every single achievement creates a new problem. Every single level that you unlock reveals 10 more levels. Every single financial milestone that you achieve, it gets swallowed up by lifestyle inflation. And then you discover people who, who have even more. And you become this world class optimizer and world class achiever and kind of an amateur human being. But the irony is in your desperate attempt to avoid mediocrity which is really what we're all trying to escape. We just don't want to live a mediocre life. You are actually creating something way worse. You are creating a life that you are absent from. You are creating a life that you are actually not living. Because we all tell ourselves this story, right? Once I hit X number, then I'll have the freedom to enjoy life. But freedom isn't a destination. It's truly a decision that you make about the life that you already have. And you have convinced yourself that your current dissatisfaction with life is just temporary. It's just this necessary sacrifice on the way to the life that you deserve. So you postpone joy, and you postpone presence, and you postpone actually living. All in service of some future version of yourself who will finally have permission to be happy. But what's sad is that that person doesn't exist. They never will. Because here's what actually happens when you finally hit your number. Nothing. Nothing changes. You don't suddenly become somebody who can enjoy life. You become somebody who needs a bigger number. So every single time that you tell yourself, I'll be happy, when you're actually training your mind to look for what's missing, you're hunting out all the problems instead of noticing what's here right now. What do I have right now? How good is my life right now? And if you do this for years, you'll become physically incapable of satisfaction. You will rewire your brain so that you can never be happy. Because your brain gets really good at spotting problems and terrible at recognizing them when things are actually fine and highly ambitious people. We are not just falling into how our brain works. We are reinforcing and continuously telling our brain to spot problems, that life isn't good enough, that we're not happy yet. And if we tell our brain this enough, it's gonna start to believe it. This is what's gonna happen. The person making 100k who thinks 200k will solve everything will turn into the person who's making 200k, who now thinks 500k will solve everything, who will then turn into the person making 500k who thinks 1 million will solve everything. Now, you're not climbing towards satisfaction. You are running on a treadmill that you built in your own mind. But the part that really stings is that most high achievers actually learned this as kids. So you are probably the child who got hugs for good grades and silence just for existing. And a lot of love came through performance. And being yourself wasn't enough. You had to be accomplishing something that mattered. So now you're 35 years old, you're 40 years old, you're 45 years old and you're still trying to earn gold stars in your subconscious from a teacher who isn't even there anymore, from your parents who don't care because you've already surpassed them. Because the 75k person who's worried about rent, the 150k person who's worried about the mortgage on the house they've upgraded to the 300k person who worries about the private school tuition for the kids. It's just different numbers, same anxiety, different lifestyle. But if you're not careful, same emptiness. Because happiness, fulfillment and security is a feeling, not a number. We keep thinking it's a number. Feelings don't follow. Bank balances, number. Now let me show you how. This is not something that just you are dealing with. So don't stress because this is a very common problem that high performing people have to deal with. Literally one of the most powerful people in the world at the time, Marcus Aurelius, well actually he was literally the most powerful person in the world at the time because he controlled armies, vast wealth, basically an empire that spanned three continents. So you could say that he had accomplished a lot. He could have anything he wanted, could do anything he wanted. He could live his life in any way he chose. But he spent his private moments, this is documented history, writing reminders to himself. He would always write out, you have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. So the most powerful man in history needed to remind himself that external circumstances don't create internal peace. So if a Roman emperor struggled with this, what makes you think that your next promotion is going to solve all your problems? The same patterns that trap you at a hundred k are going to trap you at a million. The same dissatisfaction that you feel in your current apartment that's going to follow you to the penthouse. Because your problem isn't your circumstances, it's your relationship with them. External achievements I can't fix. Internal dissatisfaction. And you've been trying to solve a feelings problem with a money solution. Now this is what changed everything for me. This is what actually helped me overcome this mental block about achievement and success. And it didn't. This exercise that I'm going to get you to do didn't stop me from wanting to achieve more or to be more ambitious, but it helped me live in the moment, in the present, and not keep running on this treadmill that I've created for myself and Allow me to sometimes take some time off from work, not feel guilty about it, and spend time with friends and family and on other things. So what changed everything for me was writing down my enough number. What is an enough number? It's how much you have to make, right? How much money you have to make. So it's not enough to be comfortable or enough to feel secure. It's a very specific annual income that you have to take home that would let you live the exact life that you want without compromise. That's very important. We're not talking about making no money and not living a great life. We're talking about the amount of money that you would want to take home every single year so you could live a life without compromise. And for me, it's actually quite low. Subjectively. I know this number could be large for some people, but for me, most of my money that I make goes right back into my business. But what I like to spend money on is traveling two to three times a year, dinners without checking the prices on the menu, the ability to help my family when they need my help, and really, enough leftover not to worry about money. I don't spend a lot. Everything above that number is really just lifestyle inflation disguised as ambition. So you have to write down your enough number. Not what society tells you to want, not what. Not what your friends and your peers are chasing. The actual amount of money that would let you live the life you want. If we look at Warren Buffett, he still lives in the same house he bought in 1958 for $31,500, not because he can't afford better, but because he decided it was enough. He could buy anything he wants in this world, and he chooses to need very little. That's not frugality. That's freedom. So your homework is to write down your enough number. And then you ask yourself, what? Well, what would I do if I already had that number? Because for some of you, you probably already do. Or you're closer than you think. And you're postponing living. You're postponing friends and family and travel and fun and hobbies and pastimes and life, because you're chasing a number that wouldn't even impact your life significantly. You're chasing a number that would make you so much money you wouldn't even know what to do with, because you wouldn't spend it on things that are important to you. So it's fine to be ambitious, it's fine to push to the next level, but don't do it. While forgetting everything else you can live right now. Let me do some math. That's going to hurt if you work 60 hours a week. And I know that some of us work more than 60 hours a week. But if you work 60 hours a week for the next 20 years to build the perfect life, life, that is 62,400 hours of preparation. 62,400 hours of getting ready to live. That is more time than most people spend awake with their families in a lifetime. That's more time than most people spend doing things they actually enjoy. You are spending more time preparing for life than living it. But the cost isn't just time. It's relationships. Because while you've been preparing and optimizing for someday in the future, the people who matter most have been living in today. Your partner, your spouse stopped inviting you to spontaneous dinners because you always say you're too busy. Your kids stopped asking you to play because you're always working on something more important. And your friends stopped calling because every time you hang out, you're just stressing about your next goal. You've been so focused on building a life worth living that you've ignored the people who make life worth living. And the cruelest part is that at the end of those 20 years where you've been preparing because you have conditioned yourself to not be happy, you're probably going to set new goals and spend another 20 years preparing for the life that you'll live someday. And you're going to do this until you die. Because you, on your deathbed, your deathbed self, they're not proud of optimization and preparation. They are heartbroken by you missing out on all the life that you have available to you right now. They are lying there wishing that they could go back and tell you what it's really all about. Family, friends and experiences, the Tuesday morning conversations, the unplanned adventures, the quiet moments of just being present with someone you love. So maybe you should listen to you in the future. Because you can keep preparing for that extraordinary life, or you can show up to the one that's happening right now. But you can't do both. And as Marcus Aurelius wrote, confine yourself to the present. The present that you've been avoiding while optimizing for the future. And the choice is yours. But choose quickly. Because while you're deciding, how much is enough? How much should I push? What can I accomplish? Your life is happening without you.