Sunday Papers Ep. 307 – March 29, 2026

Hosts: Greg Fitzsimmons & Mike Gibbons
Theme: Hilariously dissecting the week’s biggest (and weirdest) news stories with banter, personal updates, and listener engagement.

Episode Overview

This week, Greg and Mike kick off with some holiday talk (Palm Sunday and Greg's milestone birthday), chat about upcoming personal plans, riff on their comedy careers, and then dig into a wild assortment of news stories. Personal misfires with text humor, a macabre cornhole/murder case, Trump’s obsession with having his name everywhere, and legal/ethical quandaries are just a few of the episode’s many highlights. The tone balances sharply between irreverence and genuine friendship, with a steady undercurrent of banter and comedic insight.

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Palm Sunday, Easter, and Greg’s 60th Birthday

• [01:36–05:41]
  • Banter on the meaning of Palm Sunday, leading to a farcical reconstruction of Christian chronology.
  • Greg announces his 60th birthday coinciding with Easter: "And Easter Sunday will be, in fact, my 60th birthday this year." (04:10)
  • Birthday party plans: 60s theme, Mexican food, blackjack, disco ball, massage chair—"We got three cooks making Mexican food… a bartender… a dance floor with a disco ball." (04:25)
  • Mike to give a speech; Greg wonders who else should speak, noting ex-wife and her ex will be there after years of not talking.

2. Upcoming Breaks and Joshua Tree Vacation

• [07:15–08:51]
  • Mike’s new TV job – co-EP and head writer for Netflix’s Kevin Hart Roast, part of the GOAT series; fast turnaround, slated for May 10th. Shane Gillis to host, Jeff Ross involved (09:07).
  • Greg taking his family to Joshua Tree, frustrated by "Sound Bath" sessions being booked six months in advance.
  • Banter over entrepreneurial ideas: street hot dog carts, competing sound baths, opening a dermatologist's office due to insane wait times in LA.

3. Comedy, Friendships & Text Message Misfires

• [11:55–17:13]
  • Both recount recent gaffes where humor via text landed poorly, some with near-strangers, some with close friends:
    • Mike’s friend texted: “I have therapy at 5 and it’s important because I’m pretty suicidal.” Mike replied with dark humor, later feeling like “such a bad friend.” (12:57)
    • Greg lost a sublet opportunity after joking about an affair in a text to a new contact: “Yeah, we’ve been having a torrid affair on set.” (15:10)
    • Notion that texting cuts down comedic nuance: "I gotta pull my comedy back 35 to 40% on texts." (13:24)

4. Listener Corrections and Feedback

• [17:56–23:37]
  • Listener factcheck: Augusta National admitted its first Black member in 1990; Tiger won Masters in 1997—Greg and Mike riff on diversity "box-checking."
  • Greg defends his sometimes “gross” stories after a listener comment: “Well, I’m gross. I don’t know what to say. I’m married. I’m happily married.” (23:03)
  • Meta banter on firing back at criticism: “I think you used to be grosser.” (23:08)

5. Standup Gigs, Gotham Studios, & Listener Submissions

• [23:37–28:08]
  • Greg plugs upcoming standup dates: Bakersfield, Escondido, Brea Improv, Boston, etc.
  • Shouts out Gotham Production Studios for production and tutorial videos on podcasting.

6. Weird, Absurd, and Dark News Stories

The Armless, Legless Cornhole Murder Case

• [28:08–33:39]
  • The guys riff relentlessly on a viral story about a professional cornhole player (with no arms or legs) accused of murder—unleashing a flurry of tasteless but creative puns and one-liners.
    • “The only way she could kill somebody would be during a blowjob.” (28:58, Greg)
    • “Imagine CSI trying to dust for prints.” (29:22, Mike)
    • Update: Murder actually committed with a gun—more jokes about literal meaning of being ‘armed’ or ‘unarmed.’

Melania, Trump, and Humanoid Robots

• [33:43–34:49]
  • Melania Trump attends a summit with a humanoid robot. The guys compare the robot’s affectless presence to Melania’s own: “That robot was like, damn, woman. I thought every word out of my mouth was pre-programmed and emotionless.” (34:22, Greg)

Trump’s Name on US Currency, More Name-Branding

• [34:49–36:39]
  • Trump pushing to put his signature on US dollars, a $1 coin with his face, and rename public buildings for himself.
    • "Now it’s currency… But it’s a race to the bank before he declares bankruptcy.” (35:56, Mike)
    • “He’s already mailing in the presidency.” (44:19, Greg, on Trump voting by mail.)

TSA Shutdown and Gov’t Gridlock

• [36:39–39:08]
  • Ongoing government budget impasse might halt TSA operations; hosts joke about TSA agents surviving on seized items and giving pro-travel tips.

Social Media Lawsuit: Meta & Google Fined

• [39:42–43:33]
  • $6M awarded to a woman suffering depression from compulsive childhood social media use.
    • “If we’re giving out money, what about me? …I haven’t written a new joke since TikTok started…” (40:14, Greg)
    • Lead-in about how comics “can’t keep up” with the rise of arena acts ("Fluffy" and Joe Koy selling out stadiums).

Voter Fraud and Mail-In Ballots

• [43:41–45:21]
  • Irony of anti-voting-fraud Trump voting by mail from Mar-a-Lago.
  • Gently mocking the minuscule rates of actual voter fraud (“it begins with point zero zero...”).

7. Ethical Questions & Family Quandaries

• [45:39–49:56]
  • Should a friend report her ex-husband (a schoolteacher) for years of tax evasion? Both hosts largely say “No”—too destructive for a minor crime.
    • “If it was like he was a pedophile or a murderer, then you gotta stop him… Not taxes.” (47:28, Greg)
  • Rapid-fire on ethical questions around showbiz commissions and vaccine-opposed friends.

8. Weird Crime: Florida & Texas

Florida Woman Urinates on Airbnb Items for Content

• [50:11–52:34]
  • Woman’s adult site videos show her peeing on property—hosts marvel at the logistics and suggest “rub her nose in it” as punishment.

Texas Man Murders Grandmother Over Allowance

• [52:41–55:10]
  • 21-year-old arrested for shooting grandmother in dispute over lost allowance.
    • “If you can shoot your grandmother and get that body out, you can get a job.” (54:15, Greg)

9. Sports: LA Marathon, NCAA, Sweet 16 Segment

• [55:10–59:21]
  • LA Marathon gave medals at 18 miles due to heat—hosts lament the “most LA thing ever.” (56:02)
  • Mike’s marathon story: gives medal to dad as treadmill motivation, which is then ignored.
  • Sweet 16 best news stories of 2025—vote for favorites: drunk raccoon CPR, golden toilet theft, LA wildfires, giant squid footage.

10. Trivia, History & Obits

• [65:57–73:43]
  • Birthday/death trivia for Mariah Carey, Milton Berle, Viagra’s invention (1998), and Wayne Gretzky’s last goal.
  • Obituaries: Robert Mueller, Valerie Perrine (noted for her close brush with Manson murders and Playboy covers).

11. The Funnies: Comics & Contest

• [73:51–78:35]
  • Caption contest for a Tesla Cybertruck cartoon.
  • Recaps of Hagar, The Horrible, Lockhorns, The Onion (“Nation Already Sick of Baseball”), and Blondie.
  • Blonde’s matrimonial passion—questionable.
  • Plug for Miracle Maid sheets with promo code.
  • Closing: Hanano bar rooftop Weezer show announcement, complaints about LA concert ticket prices.

Noteworthy Quotes & Moments

• Greg (on Palm Sunday): "Palm Sunday is when Jesus Christ was murdered, no?" [01:50]
• Mike (on the armless, legless cornhole murder): "Imagine CSI trying to dust for prints." [29:22]
• Greg (about being a 'gross' comic): "Well, I’m gross. I don’t know what to say. I’m married. I’m happily married." [23:03]
• Mike (on Marathon medals): "I literally thought I got lucky and didn’t believe I really could run a marathon. So I ran it again. That’s how much I think I’m an imposter." [57:08]
• Greg (on new stadium comic acts): “Are they 70 times funnier than I am?” [41:18]

Important Timestamps

• 01:33 – Show start, Palm Sunday, Easter/Birthday plans
• 09:07 – Mike’s new job: Kevin Hart roast at Netflix
• 12:57 – Comedy misfires over text; “I’m such a bad friend”
• 17:56 – Listener correction: Augusta National, diversity
• 28:08 – The cornhole player with no arms/legs murder story
• 33:43 – Melania and the robot at the White House
• 34:49 – Trump’s name on the dollar bill
• 36:39 – TSA shut down woes, travel tips
• 39:42 – $6M awarded for social media addiction lawsuit
• 43:41 – Mail-in ballots and Trump hypocrisy
• 45:39 – Ethical question: snitch on a teacher for tax evasion?
• 50:11 – Florida woman pees on Airbnbs for content
• 52:41 – Texas: man shoots grandmother over allowance
• 55:10 – LA Marathon medals at 18 miles story
• 57:08 – Mike’s story: marathon medal to dad
• 59:22 – Sweet 16 segment: drunk raccoon, golden toilet, etc.
• 65:57 – Trivia: Mariah Carey, Viagra, Gretzky
• 71:02 – Obituaries: Robert Mueller, Valerie Perrine
• 73:51 – Comics, caption contest, Blondie discussion
• 79:00 – Weezer Hanano rooftop concert announcement

Tone and Takeaways

• Language and Tone: Irreverent, self-deprecating, fast-paced comedic riffing. The hosts balance dark humor with genuine moments of friendship and vulnerability.
• For Listeners: Even those unfamiliar with the podcast can jump in and enjoy a mix of topical news, comedy industry insights, personal stories, and running gags.
• Memorable and Relatable: The episode excels when mining personal and cultural mishaps for humor—the texting blunders, aging in showbiz, and skewering current events with gleeful cynicism.

Summary for Newcomers

If you missed the episode, you can expect a laughter-heavy dive through the week’s strangest headlines, peppered with behind-the-scenes comedy tales, social observations, and listener interaction. It's a uniquely candid, witty blend of news commentary and personal riffing that gives the feeling of eavesdropping on two old friends—both working comics—who are just as ready to mock themselves as they are the world around them.