The Kid Translator every parent needs to hear with guest Katie Plunkett

Summary

Episode Overview

Title: The Kid Translator every parent needs to hear
Host: Allison Kuch
Guest: Katie Plunkett, educator, professional kid translator, founder of Kid Talk
Date: April 26, 2026
Podcast: Sunday Sports Club with Allison Kuch (Dear Media)

In this engaging episode, Allison Kuch welcomes Katie Plunkett—popularly known as the “kid translator”—to discuss the art of communicating with children, handling big emotions, building resilience, and the real-life challenges of modern parenting. Blending humor, empathy, and practical advice, Katie shares her unique experiences from tracking a class from 1st through 5th grade, connecting with families, and assisting parents through social media. Listeners gain actionable strategies for everyday parenting dilemmas, from tantrums to screen time to building genuine confidence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Katie Plunkett’s Background & Role as a Kid Translator

• [00:40] Katie explains how her unique teaching role at a Waldorf school allows her to “track” with one class for several years, fostering deep relationships with both children and families.
• Her online presence evolved from sharing teaching tips to answering parents’ hard questions about communicating with kids about tough topics like divorce or death.
  • Quote: “That is consistently what people come to me for: How do I talk to my kid about this hard thing at this specific age?” ([01:00], Katie)

2. Communication Challenges: Adults vs. Kids

• [02:36] Many parents either “over-simplify” (baby talk) or treat kids as if they were “little adults.”
• Katie emphasizes the importance of adjusting communication based on child development.
  • Quote: “It's tricky adapting as they grow, for sure.” ([02:36], Katie)

3. Katie’s Journey into Kid Translation

• [03:49] Originally set on law school, Katie discovered teaching through AmeriCorps and fell in love.
• Her online presence shifted once she recognized that effective communication was central to handling classroom behavior and emotional challenges.
  • Quote: “…none of it is going to work if my communication isn’t on point with the kids who are in front of me.” ([04:33], Katie)

4. The Joys and Fulfillment of Teaching & Social Media Advocacy

• [05:11] Katie values witnessing her students grow and enjoys offering validation and support to parents online.

5. The “Iceberg” Analogy: Emotional Kids & Adult Reactions

• [06:25] Adults often “heighten” along with emotional kids, escalating conflicts.
• It’s crucial not to take children’s escalations personally, and instead, look beneath the behavior for unmet needs.
  • Quote: “You’re seeing the challenging behavior… But there is a whole world underneath the surface, and that's what you need to really figure out.” ([06:49], Katie)

6. Handling Common Parenting Scenarios

When a Child Doesn’t Make a Sports Team

• [08:55] Allow kids to feel disappointed; don’t rush to fix or distract from big feelings.
  • Quote: “It’s really important to validate whatever it is they’re feeling. … Just let them experience the feeling and not try to fix it.” ([09:01], Katie)

When Kids Say Inappropriate Things in Public

• [14:24] Stay curious, not punitive, especially when young kids repeat words they don’t understand.
• Context and age matter; avoid harsh punishments and instead discuss why certain words are inappropriate.
  • Quote: “The way I responded was more like, curiosity. Just like, okay, we found this word—what do you think it means?” ([15:23], Katie)

Unintentionally Unhelpful Phrases (e.g., "You're OK")

• [16:54]–[17:06] Saying “you’re okay” can invalidate a child’s genuine distress.
  • Quote: “You saying ‘you’re okay’ is not going to make them okay.” ([17:13], Katie)
• The key is intent—combine reassurance with presence and validation.

7. The Pressure of "Gentle Parenting" and Imperfection

• [18:19] Katie validates that no parent gets communication right every time and social media’s emphasis on scripts can be overwhelming.
  • Quote: “You don’t have to do it right every time…if there’s room for improvement…do it better next time.” ([19:16], Katie)

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Deep Dive: Tantrums & Big Feelings

What To Do When Your Child Has a Tantrum

• [20:99] Logical reasoning doesn’t work during a tantrum—children are in “fight or flight.”
• The adult’s role is to be the “lighthouse” during the emotional storm; stay present and calm until the wave passes.

CSEE Acronym: Soothe, Empathize, Engage

• [22:26]
  • Soothe: Offer comfort and safety, in whatever way the child prefers.
  • Empathize: Verbally validate their disappointment/frustration.
  • Engage: Only after the emotion recedes, gently redirect focus.
  • Quote: “You definitely don’t want to…just try to redirect them. You also don’t really want to argue with them about what they’re feeling…” ([23:46], Katie)

Public Meltdowns

• [27:21] Katie shares her own plane meltdown story—reminding herself “me being self-conscious of all of these eyeballs is not going to help anything.”
• Focus on the child, ignore stares, remember strangers’ opinions don’t matter.

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Modern Dilemmas: Screen Time & Building Confidence

Screen Time

• [28:49] Screen time is a modern reality—sometimes it’s a necessary tool for parents without access to extra support.
  • It’s about setting clear, consistent boundaries, not guilt.
  • Quote: “I don’t think the rhetoric about like screen shaming is helpful and it’s not giving us, you know, alternatives.” ([30:20], Katie)
• Practical boundary: e.g., all devices in the living room, away by 5pm, adults model too.

Building Confidence Without Overpraising

• [31:30] Praise should focus on effort and process, not just outcomes or default “good job.”
• Use specific, authentic feedback tailored to what the child is actually doing.
  • Quote: “If you want to raise a child who is resilient and creative and thoughtful…those are the things you need to specify.” ([32:00], Katie)
• Be mindful of autopilot praise—it can lose meaning.

Small Daily Communication Shifts

• [33:35] Ask more creative, open-ended questions (not “Did you have fun?”).
• [34:31] Try the 10-10-10 rule: 10 minutes each (start of day, after reconnection, before bed) of undistracted, present time.
  • Quote: “Those 30 minutes a day are game changing for a relationship and building that trust and open communication.” ([35:13], Katie)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Emotional Escalation:
  “But there is a whole world underneath the surface, and that's what you need to really figure out… escalating with the child is not going to help you discover that.”
  ([07:13], Katie)

• On Parental Self-Compassion:
  “You don’t have to be a perfect person to raise a good human. It’s okay to mess up. … Be gentle with yourself. And you’re doing great.”
  ([36:14], Katie)

• On Gentle Parenting Criticism:
  “I've certainly played into [controversy] because I want people to see the message…but sometimes if I’m framing it negatively…people [feel] like they’re doing something wrong.”
  ([19:16], Katie)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:47: Katie’s background & introduction to “kid translation”
• 02:36: Common parental missteps in communication with kids
• 03:49: Katie’s accidental path into teaching and online advocacy
• 06:25: The “iceberg” analogy and not escalating with emotional children
• 08:55: Comforting a child who didn’t make sports team
• 14:24: Handling inappropriate language in public settings
• 16:54: The unhelpfulness of saying “you’re okay”
• 18:19: The pressure & imperfection in gentle parenting
• 20:59: Tantrums and the “CSEE” (Soothe, Empathize, Engage) approach
• 27:21: Managing public meltdowns and ignoring judgment
• 28:49: Healthy perspectives on screen time boundaries
• 31:30: Praise, confidence, and the “good job” debate
• 33:35: Questions and the “10-10-10” rule to improve daily communication
• 35:40: Essential takeaway: Intent and reflection matter most in parenting

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Final Takeaway

[35:40] The main message: Give yourself grace. Gentle, reflective parenting isn’t about perfection—but about intent, growth, and connection. “You're doing the hardest thing in the world. … Be gentle with yourself. And you’re doing great.” (Katie)

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Find Katie Plunkett:
Instagram: @kidtalkco
Website: kidtalk.co
Substack: Kid Talk via Katie's Instagram

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For more, follow Sunday Sports Club Podcast every Sunday wherever you listen.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. What's up, guys? Welcome back to Sunday Sports Club Podcast, a podcast that's literally not all about sports. I say that in every intro that this podcast is about sports, but, like, half the time it's about sports, and the other half, it's, like, selfish things that I want to learn about. And today I'm excited to welcome my guest, Katie Plunkett. She's an educator, professional kid translator, founder of Kid Talk, and a 5th grade teacher, and literally is, like, teaching today. So thank you for taking the time to talk with me. Did I miss anything going over, like, who you are?

[B]

No, that essentially covers it.

[A]

Okay. I love that. For people who might not know you, how do you explain what you do as a kid translator?

[B]

Yeah, that's a great question. So by trade, I am a teacher, but I do kind of work in a unique setting where it's a Waldorf school, so I track with my students. I've. I'm currently teaching fifth grade, but I've had the same class since first grade, and.

[A]

So cool.

[B]

That is so really cool. It's actually my favorite thing. And it. It just allows you to go so much deeper with the families and the children. And every year we can just hit the ground running because I know them so well. But what that has afforded me is the opportunity to see them grow up and see developmentally, like, how they change over the years. And I've had to adjust my communication and the way that I'm running my classroom based on, you know, their age and where they are developmentally. So as a kid translator, I help a lot of people online. They send me questions. How do I talk to my kid about divorce, about death, about all of these really hard, kind of sticky topics? And so that's what my page has become over the years. I used to just share teaching stuff, but that is consistently what people come to me for is how do I talk to my kid about this hard thing at this specific age?

[A]

Mm. And I mean, my daughter is only two years, four months, but I've already quickly learned that, like, communication is key. And just, like, her understanding things, how she reacts to, like, big emotions, I feel like communication is kind of like everything. And, like, I've even had to change my communication to, like, my husband because I'm like, oh, I'm modeling how she should talk to other people. Not that I ever treated my husband bad, but, you know, like, over communication. What is something parents constantly misunderstand about how kids communicate?

[B]

Yeah. I find that a lot of Parents tend to fall in one of two camps. Either they talk to kids like they're just in overly simplistic terms, almost kind of like baby speak sort of thing. And they think that kids are not maybe able to comprehend things at a certain level. And then there's the other camp where they just talk to them like little adults and it's just too much too soon. And so I think that's kind of the big trap that a lot of adults fall into is it's even though we all kind of have snippets of our childhood and we remember, it's. It's hard to remember what it's like in your brain as a kid. And so yeah, I notice a lot of adults struggling with that. Even parents that I work with in like the school setting, I often see, you know, one end of the spectrum or the other. It's. It's tricky adapting as they grow, for sure.

[A]

And how did you get into like this very niche field of work? Because I feel like that like you've never heard of like, oh, I'm like kind of specialize or like my areas in like talking to kids and like kid translating.

[B]

I totally fell into it by accident. Even teaching, I fell into by accident. I fully planned on going to law school and going down a totally different trajectory. And then I did AmeriCorps and was placed in a sixth grade classroom and the rest is history. I just fell in love with the profession and the kids that I worked with. And I think I kind of just needed a place to share a lot of ideas and complaints, honestly about teaching and the school system. And so that's why I first created my Instagram and I used to have it was the calm classroom. And then I realized that my classroom was in fact not calm often, so it was kind of a misnomer. And I started exploring more kind of behavior stuff and social, emotional learning. And over time I kind of just realized communication, like you said, is that consistent thread underlying all of these other systems. At least at school. Like, I can implement all types of behavior systems and reward charts, but none of it is going to work if my communication isn't on point with the kids who are in front of me. And so that really became my focus just professionally. And that's what I shifted to sharing online. And that's what succeeded for me online too. That's what people wanted to hear from me about.

[A]

What's your favorite part of what you do both in teaching and in like the social media aspect?

[B]

I think with teaching, it's Just the kids in front of me. Kids are hilarious. And especially because I've gotten to know this specific group of kids so well, and I've seen them grow up. It just feels really special to. To witness and be a part of their development. And I think online, I really just love hearing from other people, like, specific situations they've found themselves in. Some of them are really funny, some of them are really challenging. But I really like being able to either offer, like, validation or support to people. Like, that's what I. What really fulfills me about my online work.

[A]

I feel like that's like, one of the best things about social media. I feel like there can be, like, a lot of, like, misinformation. So there's like, the bad side of social media, but then there's also the good side of, like, people like you who genuinely just, like, want to help you be a better parent, better communicator, things along that line. What is the biggest mistake adults make when talking to their emotional kids?

[B]

I think a lot of adults heighten with kids when they heighten. And it's. It's hard because, you know, as a teacher, there is kind of a separation. There's like a professional line, obviously, that I have to keep. And I can't be like, screaming and getting emotional at my class. It's not professionally acceptable, but it's also just not helpful. But it is hard to say that to a parent because you're with the kid, like, all the time, and you are so emotionally connected to what your child is experiencing and going through too. I think a lot of parents get overly, like, emotional and take it personally when their children escalate or certain behaviors start coming about. But a big thing in teaching that we come back to is like, the whole concept of the iceberg. You only see what's on the very surface. You're seeing the challenging behavior. You're seeing the words and insults that they're throwing at you or whatever it is. But there is a whole world underneath the surface, and that's what you need to really figure out what's going on. Is there some type of unmet need? Do they need more support? Are they just hungry? Do they need more sleep? Was there something that happened at school that they. You maybe haven't specifically asked them about? Or maybe they don't feel comfortable sharing yet? There's a million different things that could be going on that better explain the behavior that you're just seeing at the surface. And escalating with the child is not going to help you discover that it's just going to make the problem worse and make it dragged out so much longer.

[A]

Yeah, I can definitely see how that would like how that's a huge problem for parents or like how they see like difficulty and like if your kid is throwing a temper tantrum and it's like heightening your anxiety or like heightening your like cortisol, you're like, I'm going to have panic attack. It's like hard to kind of like level yourself, which is funny because you're expecting your child to do the same thing. But you're an adult and you've had like years of experience like leveling your emotions. So it's just such an interesting like concept and of like just kind of like not meeting them where they're at and kind of keeping it calm. I have some real life scenarios that maybe I can give you and you can tell me how to like help somebody get a conversation started with their kid. We're kind of like, what would you say to a kid who doesn't make a sports team?

[B]

That is such a good question. I think it's okay for that child to feel disappointed and it's okay for them to cry about it and you don't have to rush to fix those fears feelings. I think it's really important to validate whatever it is they're feeling. So if they're frustrated, if they're angry, if they're disappointed, if they're comparing themselves, just be like, yeah, like I understand like that that hurts. And also I think it depends on the age of the child. I think, you know, younger children may have like an initial big reaction, but in general they actually tend to be a little bit more resilient for that kind of thing and it's easier to kind of distract them and move on to the next thing. But with older kids, you know, that's hard. Especially if it's you know, like a high school sport and they've been anticipating and then there's games and they're seeing their friends doing it and they don't get to. But I think it's just really important mostly just to let them experience the feeling and just not try to fix it and encourage other things that they are good at as well.

[A]

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[B]

That is such a good question. And I need to reflect on that for myself because my partner curses like a sailor. And I just know that one of these days my daughter is something out at the supermarket or. Yeah, again, I think it depends on the age, depends on the context that you're in in the classroom. This happens regularly. My students. I remember. Am I allowed to swear on this podcast?

[A]

Yeah, you are.

[B]

Okay, cool. I remember I was teaching first grade and some of my students discovered the word fuck. They didn't know what it meant, but they just started, like, dropping it, like, in sentences. Like, they would just be like, oh, well, fuck. And I'm like, well, excuse, you are six. And I found it, like, scribbled, like, one of. One of them etched. And we have these, like, beeswax crayons. They're like big blocks. And one of them, like, etched it into their crayon. I'm like, you're supposed to hang on to these for years and now you just have, like. So the way I responded at that point was more like, curiosity. Just like, okay, like, we found this word.

[A]

Like, what?

[B]

Where did you hear that? Like, what did you. What do you think it means? Like, what was your goal in, like, saying this word? I think for an older child, that's not how you would respond, because they know what it means and they know they're not supposed to use it. And then it becomes more of, like, if someone blurted it out in the classroom, it would immediately be like, hey, no academic language, please. Like, not the place. But I've had conversations with my students, too, because they'll be like, oh, wait, you've probably said it, Ms. Katie. Like, you've. You've said the word before. And I'll just say, yes, I have. I would not say that here. What do you think would happen if I said that word here? Like, what would be the outcome? So it really does depend. But I think that in general, you don't want to just be, like, quick to just implement, like, a punishment or something. That's not going to help them learn why they shouldn't be blurting that out.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. I'm just picturing my daughter going off to school one day, and her teacher is gonna be like, oh, where'd you learn, like, the word fudge? And she's like, oh, my mom says it all the time. Yeah, like, maybe I should tone it down. Like, now we can prevent that in the future. Is there something parents say, like, thinking that it might be helpful, but it actually makes it worse?

[B]

Yeah, I think, like, when it comes to.

[A]

I. I think I've seen this, like, all over social media is like, oh, if your child falls and you're like, oh, you're okay, you're okay, like, get up. Do you think that can be, like, more hurtful than it can be helpful?

[B]

It can be. I think I. I get accused of this all the time. Like, what I'm about to say of people saying, like, oh, like, now I'm just anxious that I'm saying the wrong thing. And, like, why do we have all these scripts and this gentle parenting bullshit? I hear that. I get it. I do think it really comes down to intense and the relationship you have with the child. If a child is crying and they are hurt and they, I don't know, skin their knee and they need affection. If you are very quick to, like, let's say you're, I don't know, talking to another parent, and you're very quick to be like, oh, you're fine. Like, keep going. That is invalidating. They are seeking out that connection and affirmation that they are okay, but you saying you're okay is not going to make them okay. But I think. I think, like, with younger kids, sometimes the intention is more just to let them Know, like, it's like, you are okay. And if you pair that with, like, I'm here, let's sit together, then it's. It's fine. It really just comes down to intent and that relationship and just validating what they're experiencing for sure.

[A]

I feel like you probably get that so much. Like, oh, my God, we get it. Gentle parenting. Like, like, we fucking get it. Like, because I feel like the parenting world, there's so much criticism, and you can, like, criticize literally anything about parenting, whether that, like, oh, you get an epidural to, like, oh, you. Your kid fell and you say you're okay. But I do feel like there's also, like, a happy medium, right? Like, oh, if I'm constantly telling my kid, I'm just using this as an example. But, like, if my kid falls and I'm constantly being like, oh, you're okay. Like, you would think that, like, oh, if that has any kind of negative impact, you'd at least want to do, like, it right half the time. And, like, parents aren't perfect. And, like, I'm not trying to raise a perfect kid either. But I do feel like even the gentle parenting movement has made me feel more like, oh, like, am I, like, can I improve my communication? Can I improve my parenting in any way? Because, like, isn't that the point to, like, want to improve?

[B]

That is really what it's all about. I also am such an imperfect teacher and parent, and the things that I preach online, I regularly mess up and don't do it right. Also. And of course, I think also, unfortunately, the algorithm awards things that are a little bit spicy or controversial. I've certainly played into that because I want people to see the message that I'm trying to spread. But I also am aware that sometimes if I'm framing it negatively, there is a downside to that, too, of people feeling like they're doing something wrong. But it really comes back to just that. Like you said, reflective practice. You don't have to do it right every time, but if something doesn't go exactly the way that you hoped it would, or there's room for improvement, I think it's also good just to reflect on that and be like, okay, well, I can take that information and. And do it better the next time. And that doesn't mean you're going to do it perfect next time. But the constant growth.

[A]

Exactly. How old is your daughter?

[B]

She's 18 months.

[A]

Okay, so you haven't maybe touched a little bit into it, but I want to take a second to talk about tantrums because I do have a two year old. So we've definitely started to experience like the bigger emotions of. For example, today we were going to the park and she wanted to wear her mini dress and I was like, I don't give a shit, you can wear your mini dress. And for a split second I was like, do you think that's going to be too hot? And they all of a sudden like freaking out and I'm like, okay. I said you could wear it, like no problem. But let's say a two year old is losing it because like maybe you gave them the wrong color cup. What would you say in that moment?

[B]

Yeah, I think first for the adults it's important to know and like remember that the response isn't like logical. Like they're not tuned into their logical brain right now. Like the color of the cup is not going to impact their ability to take a sip out of it. And we know that. And there's also no point in trying to say that to a two year old who is in the throes of a tantrum because they're not in their logical brain. They're really more in like fight or flight and having that anxious response that something that they like planned for isn't going their way. So in moments like that, I think it's really important just to like be the lighthouse and they're on the rocky seas and they are going to be there for as long as they need to be there. For some kids it'll be two minutes. For some kids it might be 20 or 30, but just be that steady presence. Let them experience the emotion they're going through. And when you kind of see the opportunity to, you know, bring them in and move them forward, do that. A lot of kids, especially at that age, do well with just being redirected.

[A]

Yep. When it comes to a tantrum, what are positive things you can say or do during the tantrum? And then what are things that you should probably never say or do during a tantrum?

[B]

I really like to use this acronym. It's csee. It stands for soothe, empathize, engage. So the first thing is because they're in that fight or flight state, their nervous system is activated. They just need to be soothed. And that looks different for different kids. Some kids might need to snuggle, some kids might need space, some kids might want to, you know, draw or hug a stuffed animal or whatever. But that's step one is just reminding them that they are safe and providing space for them to Actually feel that way. Next would be to empathize. Yeah, I get it. That's really disappointing. Your ice cream fell on the floor, the cup was blue, and you really wanted the red one, but the red one's dirty, and that sucks. Like, just empathize with them. And then lastly, like, once they're kind of working through the feeling and you can see that, then you would engage them, and that's that redirection pie. You definitely don't want to, like, in those moments, just jump straight to, like, oh, it's not a big deal. Let's go do this. You don't want to rush them through. Like, it is a process. Like, emotions are waves and they need to come and they need to recede. You can't just, like, stop it. So I would caution parents to be, like, too quick to jump to that last step and just try to redirect them. And then you also don't really want to argue with them about what they're feeling and tell them what they're feeling is ridiculous because that just creates distressed in the relationship for sure.

[A]

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[B]

We had that recently on a plane. It was like a 30 minute screeching fest and I, I was so self conscious but I was trying to remind myself like me being self conscious of all of these eyeballs is not going to like help anything. I just tried to like really focus like on my daughter. I knew what the issue was. She needed her diaper changed and we couldn't get up and like it hurt and I get it. So I mean, and she's much younger, but I think with an older child too, it's the same thing applies. Like you need to try like as best as possible to ignore those stares, ignore any comments. I mean, hopefully people aren't making them. But some people, I mean,

[A]

yeah, some people are parents and they'll get it. And the other people, well, hopefully you never see them again.

[B]

Right, right. Yeah. And reminding yourself of that is, is helpful.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. I'm sure you can notice just based off of like teaching kids how much technology can kind of impact like a kid's, I don't know, behavior sometimes. Whether they're like always glued to an iPad at home, maybe it's like hard would they like transition into the classroom? I know there's like so much negative talk on screen time, but do you think there's any appropriate times to bring out screen time or iPads?

[B]

For sure. There's actually a creator that I follow who I really like their approach to screen time use. Their name is Ash Brandon. The handle is the Gamer Educator. And Ash has really good advice kind of about like boundaries and screens and just creating like family systems that are clear and consistent. Because the reality is that screens are a part of our world. And I mean, I agree that putting you know, like my 18 month old in front of Bluey for two hours is probably like not the best. And also there's been times where I need to take a call or I need to get something done and I don't have the support to do something else. And I think that's what it comes down to. The whole screen time thing is it's really like an equity issue. I think that there's people that have the privilege and the resources to do the no screen thing and that's awesome. But there's also a lot of shame around it. And then people who don't have that support and resources are feeling like they're messing up. I think that if bringing a screen out so that you can make dinner is what you need to do so that you can make dinner and then be present for your family, then you should do that. It's a tool. I mean, I don't think it's, it should be something that we like over rely on, but when it's needed, it is nice to have that option. I don't think the rhetoric about like screen shaming is helpful and it's not giving us, you know, alternatives. And so that's really what it comes down to. I Think like as well. You know, as kids are growing up, it is important to have like boundaries around it like there should be. I don't think it's helpful to have a 12 year old in their room with the door closed on their own computer. Maybe we just have screens in the living room and by 5pm we're putting them away and the adults have to do that too. And that's hard. But it's helpful if everyone's on board with those systems for sure.

[A]

I actually really enjoy your take on that because not everybody has this huge village and not everybody has the means to hire help or get a quick babysitter if they have something to do. And I do feel like it can be used as a tool in the right way. So I really like that take. When it comes to parents helping their kids build confidence without over praising or putting too much pressure on them. What would, what's some advice you would give there?

[B]

Yeah, I actually had a post that went like sort of viral a few years ago. Not for all the best reasons. The post was don't tell your kids good job. And so of course those are the ones that tend to do well, like the negatively framed ones, fortunately or unfortunately. But I think that when we give praise it's, there's a few layers to this. Like I know in the classroom praise is a wonderful thing. Like you want to praise often and you want to praise the things that you want to see more of and you don't just want to praise the outcomes. I think it's okay to praise an outcome every once in a while, but that shouldn't be like the instant go to. If you want to raise a child who is resilient and creative and thoughtful and works hard, then those are the things that you need to specify because the kids are listening and they want to impress you. And if you are consistently impressed by their effort and oh, I see that we didn't get the right answer, but I love that you did this step by step and you are willing to try again, then that's over time. Like what is going to grow in them? I think like saying good job is fine. I say it all the time. But if that's, you know, kind of your autopilot defaults, you know, kids notice that one of mine called me out for that when I was teaching, I think I was teaching seventh grade and she's like, oh, you always say that. You say that to everyone. It doesn't even mean anything. And I had to reflect on that and like you're right.

[A]

Dang. Like, yeah, you putting me in my place.

[B]

Yeah. Um, so I, like, as a teacher, I'm constantly trying to, you know, mix up my praise, but also be proactive about it. Not just if they ask for it, but specifically noticing those positive behaviors that I want to see.

[A]

Okay, I love that. What are some small ways parents can improve communication day to day that actually makes a big difference over time.

[B]

That's a good question. There's a lot of things you can do. One thing I love is just questions. And not just how was your day? Or what did you learn today? But get creative. Get a little weird.

[A]

A post that you put up, it was like, stop asking your kids if they had fun.

[B]

Yeah, that one. That one got some flack too. But yeah, it's a leading question. They know that you want to hear yes, and then if they say no, it becomes almost like you're disappointed in them somehow. And it doesn't really set them up to share an authentic response. So instead you can ask, like, oh, walk me through, like, what the party looked like? Like, what did you do first? Like, who did you go in the bounce house with? Like, just mix up the questions. And I mean, like, you don't need to have anything scripted. You can see where the conversation takes you, but just mix it up, because the same questions every day become like, you're gonna get the same responses every day, and it's not gonna actually open up genuine conversation. So questions are a big one. I think the other thing, and I didn't come up with this. I don't remember who did, but it's the, like, the 10-10-10 rule of parenting. I've seen it floating around social media, but it's great advice. It's the first 10 minutes of the day, 10 minutes after you reconnect after being apart, and then 10 minutes before bed where you just put everything else away and you are 100% present with your child. And maybe that's reading a book, maybe that's bath time, maybe that's, I don't know, letting them vent to you about something. But those 30 minutes a day are game changing for a relationship and building that trust and open communication.

[A]

I love that too. And then the last question before we wrap up. If a parent is listening and they want to take away, like, one key piece of information from this conversation, what should it be?

[B]

Oh, good question. I think the big picture of all of this stuff, because, like, we kind of touched on earlier, gentle parenting gets kind of a bad rep for a lot of very valid reasons. There's a lot of, like, virtue signaling and shaming if you're not doing something right in the online discourse about it. But really what it comes down to is just intense and reflection. You're gonna mess up. We're human. That's okay. Like you said, you're not trying to raise a perfect person. That's not realistic. And you don't have to be a perfect person to raise a good human. It's okay to mess up. I think consistently we just want to reflect and grow from our mistakes. I mess up literally constantly. It's how I learn best. I learned so much more from mistakes than successes. And so be gentle with yourself. And you're doing great. You're doing the hardest thing in the world. Parenting is so hard, and it. It's your heart outside of your body. It's unlike anything I've experienced before.

[A]

No, literally, I look at my daughter all the time and I'm just like, oh, I love you so much. I wish I could just, like, say yes to you all the time and do whatever you wanted to do and, like, give. Give you, like, whatever you want in the. In the world. But it. Parenting can be definitely really hard because there's, like, a balance and figuring it out is, like, a long journey for sure. Where can the people find you on social media?

[B]

Yeah, I'm primarily on Instagram. My handle is @kidtalk co. That's also my URL for my website. And then I'm also on substack, just Kid Talk. And you can find that link through my Instagram as well.

[A]

Perfect. All right, well, thank you so much for hopping on and allowing me to grill you on, like, parenting.

[B]

Yeah, thank you so much for having me. Awesome.

[A]

And then I hope you guys enjoyed. Be sure to tune in every Sunday wherever you get your podcast. Thank you. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

[B]

Individuals on the show may have a

[A]

direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.