← Sunday Sports Club with Allison Kuch
Sunday Sports Club with Allison Kuch
When your due date doesn’t care about football season with guest Emma Kelly
02:07:15
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- [00:00]
A
The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. What's up, guys? Welcome back to Sunday Sports Club Podcast, a podcast all about sports told by a woman. And that woman is me. Hi, guys. I'm Alison Kuch, as always, and today I'm joined by a special guest, Emma Kelly. So you are a maternal health advocate, mother and wife of Vikings center Ryan Kelly. You're a boss ass bitch, and I'm so excited to have you here.
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B
Thank you.
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A
We go kind of like, back quite a few years.
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B
We're like OG girlies.
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A
Yeah. So actually I met Emma for the first time when Isaac was playing for the Colts. Because you guys were with the Colts for how long?
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B
100 years. I feel like you age in dog years in the NFL. That was so that he's in his 10th year right now, which literally feels like 100. What was that, four or five years for you?
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A
Yeah.
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B
And look at how different our lives. We sit here.
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A
I. We both. You were pregnant at the time. We both now have. Well, I have child. You have multiple children, and so I feel like life looks so different. And now he's not even with the Colts anymore.
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B
No.
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A
So how are you doing? Because you moved your entire family, three kids, a dog, a husband, all to Minnesota. So how are you acclimated?
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B
By my damn self. Jesus Christ. By my damn self. I feel like these are the things that we don't get to talk to in the NFL. And I'm, like, so excited that you're highlighting it because, like, obviously there's so many opportunities. Right. And everyone loves to make professional sports a lot sexier than they are. Like the behind the scenes.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Is it looks sexy on the outside. Yeah.
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A
In from, like, a certain angle.
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B
Yeah. Yeah. That's all things in life, actually. How's my angle now?
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A
Like, how do I actually look right now?
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B
Are all my chins in this? But so I feel this is actually crazy. Cause I always joked we were like the village elder. I was the village elder four years ago in the Colts.
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A
Yes. You are what I like to call the team mom.
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B
Team mom, baby. Like you planned Capri Suns at halftime. Fruit, meet me up at my suite. We got this.
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A
Honestly, I feel like if anybody needed you during, like, halftime or something during the game or if they were new to the team, I feel like you were, like, the first person to welcome them. You were the person planning everything. You were the one, like, bringing people together off of, like, the field.
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B
Yeah. And connecting the women and families.
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A
And I always thanked people like you because moving to a new city where you know, absolutely nobody. And especially like that was Isaac's first time switching to a new team. I was like, I'm going to be attending every single girls night. Yes. Thank God somebody is doing that because.
- [02:52]
B
Can we like also too. The worst part of it is showing up, right? So I also. We can get into this in a minute. But it's like, it feels like junior high and high school. You're going to, you're walking in as the new girl to a group of women, right? And there's all of these stereotypes and there's. You see people's Personas on Instagram and like all these things and it's so intimidating. You're like, I'm, I'm a confident 20 something, 30 something year old woman. But like, why am I scared to walk into this a group of women that I've not.
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A
Yeah, it is terrifying. But those, those nights of like, oh, we're getting like, I think I got my ears pierced. One like, I think you had an ear piercing night.
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B
And I was like, piercing party.
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A
I came home with like three different piercings.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Wait, Actually, it was an identity crisis for all of us.
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A
No, I.
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B
We're like coming off Covid. We're like, we've been locked up in the house. Let's pierce our entire lobes.
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A
But I got my ear pierced actually. This is so funny. I tell you on TikTok, I got my ear pierced and then they told me the price after and I was like, oh, that's a real diamond.
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B
Oh, yeah, that is. That's what we're going to stay away from. Right? So that was like a thing. It was like, no, they had cheaper earrings. Yeah, I was like, they had amazing. It's like this amazing local jeweler welcoming the community, like, let's do something fun. And it's like, those are actually the things where I'm saying, like, there's so many amazing opportunities, but it's also like very real. Right? And so there's a lot of things on the Internet too, right? Like, I wanna crawl out of my skin when I hear the term wag. I don't know why. I feel like it's like whatever's associated with it, I just feel like it.
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A
Has a stigma attached to it that I don't align with.
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B
It's actually. And it's like the thing that I admire so much about you is how people, we just live in a world where people can say whatever they think they want to to you. And you know, so you hear that you are the wife or significant Other of a professional player and some. That what gold digger.
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A
Oh, my gosh.
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B
She just sits around spending his money. Like all the things. And it's like, let's actually talk about what it takes. Like, none of us, of course, we know what a privilege it is to sit here and to support our men living out their dreams, right? And so I. But there's a lot of opportunities. There's a lot of sacrifices. And so, so many sacrifices. Just us sitting around spending their money. Which, first of us, so many, a majority of the women are so badass. They all have their own things they're doing a lot. Like, it's. It doesn't really get to be celebrated when you're supporting out, you know, your guys doing what they love, but time and place and so. But to that, like, let's even just start with, like the moving. Right? So I know a lot of people love to look at it. And a lot of things we highlight are like private planes, designer clothing.
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A
If we're talking about playoffs and there's a group of people getting together, like, yes, there might be a private plane involved.
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B
That's totally different. But I think everyone just assumes, right? Like, we.
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A
Every vacation you're taking a private jet.
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B
Or that the team's putting you on a plane and taking you anywhere. I'm like, no, the team's team doesn't.
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A
Even know who I am.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Like, unless I'm causing an issue.
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B
And all the. And then all the people coming out of the woodworks, like, hey, we haven't talked since high school. But, like, can I get tickets to this game? Like, so and so is a huge fan. And it's like, let's just back up. Players pay for their tickets. Okay? Every single pay for our tickets.
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A
Right? Have you ever heard of a player having, oh, my God, me and just spilling my entire coffee? Well, just act like that didn't.
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B
Not on the white couch.
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A
I'm like, it's okay.
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B
It's washable.
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A
That's what happens when you have kids. No, can we just. Have you ever heard of a contract including tickets only?
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B
Only for the sexy players. Right? So like.
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A
Or like a suite, Right? Can you write that in your contract?
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B
Oh, wait, this is a great point because everyone seems to think that we're just up in suites. And then you have a lot of these accounts on social media that like, the Wags this. The Wags this, Women of this. And it's like, we don't have suites. We are paying for our tickets. There is not full hair, makeup, all of this Stuff, like, unless we organize it. So game day is the same for us as it is for all of you guys. Right.
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A
Honestly, if you want to get your makeup done for a game, I can give you a great makeup artist. You're gonna do it the same way that I'm doing it?
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B
Yes. So I. I feel like there's a lot of that, and there's a lot of pressure on us to, like, meet this expectation that's not real. And then the longer you're in it, you realize how, like, the veil is lifted.
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A
I was gonna say, the longer you're in the NFL, does the sexiness kind of wear off?
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B
Hell, yeah, actually. So, yes and no. I actually thought about this. Right. Cause we like to joke that Ryan's on the back nine of his career. He's been doing this a really long time.
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A
10 years is 10 years. Which, like, if he goes another 10 years, I guess he'd be in the middle.
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B
But, like, he's the NFL. I don't think a lot of people. Let me put this out for you guys. Like, especially when my favorite thing. He makes millions. Shut up. Right? And it's like, first off, Google is free. Like, every salary is. You can Google it.
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A
Yeah.
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B
It's not what you think. For a lot of these. The majority of these guys and two or three, four, like, all these points, these. The money has to last forever. But the average. What is it, two and a half years.
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A
Two and a half years is the average.
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B
You can't even get your pension until you're two and a half years active roster.
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A
Is that not. Absolutely.
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B
I think people understand that. So first off, like, if people like to talk shit or, like, even say, like, he's on the. Like, this is my favorite thing, too. Like, he's on the practice squad. Right. Like, as if he's lesser than y'.
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A
All.
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B
These guys are doing. They're in the top 1% of what they do.
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A
Yeah.
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B
In the country. Like, maybe even the world. Right. Like, we can back. Well, we'll have to Google ourselves, like, fact checked. But it's surely in this country, like, they're in the 1% of what they're doing, these guys.
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A
And they're taking advantage of opportunities, too. Because I like to think about practice squad is, like, my husband's first year in the NFL. He was on practice squad with the Chargers, but had he just, like, given up and, like, okay, I'm gonna go get a real job, the other six years wouldn't have existed. And also the first year, he was able to sneak in three games, which made him that an active year. And it's just like sneaking by, like taking that. Like the NFL is milking their players for all they have. Why not milk the NFL back?
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B
I. That is such a great point. And I always say they treat these men like cattle. They're herding them in, herding them out. Like they're only as good as like what they're producing. So yeah, like it's, it's a business. I hate that term, but it is a business. It's a business. And you got. The longer you're in there, the thicker your skin better be and the longer you better. Like nothing is forever.
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A
So this being, this is your first move away from the Colts. Right. Like, you guys were there for so long. So was the move like what you expected or was the move to Minnesota? Oh, wow. Like this is a little bit more on my own than I thought.
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B
The move, if I can just be candid, was brutal. And I say that with all the love and respect because we have women. So one of my best girlfriends, they were in the league for 12 years. After he did his first contract, they moved. I think they played for eight or nine teams in 12 years. So every nine months. Not even every nine months, he would get the call, he would leave overnight and then she would be left. She by the way, was like nine months pregnant. It's Covid. He's playing for New York. They go to San Francisco during COVID During the entire country is locked down. She has to pick up their life, find a place for them. Right. Because they just put these guys in a hotel.
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A
Yeah.
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B
So she's got to find a place for them to live, figure out how to sell their place in New York, get her nine month pregnant self across the country so that she doesn't give birth without her husband in weeks.
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A
And all of it's alone. Because if you think of these guys, a lot of the moves happen during football season or during training camp where okay, hey, I have to clock in Tomorrow morning at 6am I'm landing and immediately going to practice and learning a whole new playbook. And like I have to hope that like everything at home is going to be okay. And hopefully my wife doesn't give labor.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Give labor. And wife doesn't like give birth on the plane.
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B
Give labor.
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A
That's what it feels.
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B
I also love you said is with child. Like we're with child with child. We're singing back to the Oregon Trails day. Oregon Trails day. But so it's like so. And to our Personal experience. Right. I know how I don't say we're lucky. My, My husband earned every bit of it. So he was with the team for basically a decade. We, nine years with the Colts. Such a beautiful, like crazy up and down ride. And then suddenly. Right. Like we talk about, it's a business. Like you've given someone a decade of your life and it's just like it's over. And no matter how many times, how many years time you have in the NFL, it. It doesn't like, it never ceases to just like everything turn at a dime. So. Right. And what people don't understand, and you've been very vocal about, is you don't know where you're going, you have no insight, so you just end the season. We are like, let's see what else is out here with the time that we have left.
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A
Which it is crazy to think that like in the NFL, you also, if you're in a place of like, you're a great player, you're a highly paid player, you can kind of make that decision sometimes. Like, if your contract is up, you can't just be like, I don't like this anymore. You can request a trade, but like, they're not always going to honor that.
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B
No.
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A
And I feel like that makes things messy. But if your contract is up, you can say, I don't actually want to play here anymore.
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B
You know, it's so funny too. Like, you're not really allowed to have a voice in there. Like, the guys are just, you show up, you're supposed to be grateful, and then you're supposed to just swallow it. When you guys both get to a point in the road where it's like, like you're not working, you want to move on. Like, it's, it's crazy. Like, it's, it's tough. And we all like talk about that. Like, these men are not really allowed to have emotions. And if you are emotional, then you're.
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A
Dramatic or you're crazy or over the top and you're the problem. Yeah.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So was the move to Minnesota like a family decision, or was it more like Ryan's going to do what he's going to do for, like, what's best for him. Obviously he has his family in his mind.
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B
Actually. This is crazy. So recently they came out with the NFL switch survey. So the NFL survey is one of the best thing that's ever happened. The NFL now gets graded on how basically owners treat their teams.
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A
So I've seen this survey.
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B
You have this checklist. It's like the dirty list has come out. Right. So we're talking about like everything from like facilities to quality of life, like family life, like what are the schools like? All of these things. So you've got like truly. I mean, I'm just gonna say that it's out there. Minnesota's a plus across the board. The way that they treat their families, their players.
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A
It's crazy because we, me and Isaac were talking before this. We've heard that about Minnesota.
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B
It's like the.
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A
I think it's kind of known amongst like NFL players and wives and like the families, what teams treat their players.
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B
It always was before, but then players came out, they made it public. It's got all the dirty secrets. So now this was so needed. Right? So imagine this, this happens so rapid fire that I know you guys know this. First off, the season ends. Then there's just this God awful waiting period where you're not allowed to speak, hear anything.
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A
It's like two months.
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B
Yeah. So you're not allowed to know. Everyone's like, are you gonna make plans? You gonna move? Like, what are you gonna do? And it's like, I don't know.
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A
Two months of totaling.
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B
We'll find out. When you find out. Pretty much like, we're not. This isn't like some thing. It's like I get to find out when you find out where we are.
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A
It's literally like illegal to like talk into a certain point.
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B
Oh yeah. Like that alone would like end your. If you're like, you can't talk to anyone beforehand. It's like this whole game too. It's kind of like a dating show. Like it's like actually like agents are allowed to like schmooze, but it's so we. That's like a whole nother story. Yeah.
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A
What have you.
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B
Yeah. Like, hey, so and so's like they're into you but they're not allowed to say it. But like they're into you.
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A
But like.
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B
So you're like, okay, swipe right. Yeah, they're, they're telling you they'd swipe right.
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A
Exactly.
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B
So then you're like, you get so excited. So this is what happens in that two month. You're like, oh, LA, like L. A wants to swipe right on you. And you're like, I can live in la. I'm going to take my children to the beach at six. Like you start. Yeah. Picturing your life here. And then so like push comes to shove, free agency opens and like free agency. As long as we've Been in this. I can't believe what abuse this is. It's the most, like, stressful thing. And I feel for every single family and person who has gone through this, let alone once, like, multiple times. You guys are like the true heroes. And MVPs.
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A
Because I was going through free agency every single year.
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B
Like, Ally, it aged me 100 years. Because it's not about us anymore. Like, we have kids. We have, like, all of these things.
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A
And now the idea of, like. Like, just. I don't know, the idea of retiring doesn't sound as bad. Like, the luxury of the NFL is so much fun. And, like, I would give anything to go back for a few days. But then, like, knowing, like, okay, we're gonna stay in this house for a long time is also, like, such a blessing.
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B
And that's like. So we kind of got to that point, too. Right? Like, this comes from, like, a very. Like, you guys owned a house in.
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A
Oh, in Indianapolis.
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B
Yeah.
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A
You guys, it was, like, so home to you.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Like, when I. I remember moving to Indiana, and I was like, I don't feel like I'm talking to, like, this NFL wife who lives in Indiana. I'm talking to somebody who's like, no, Indiana is my home. Like, you guys live there.
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B
Welcome to the corn fields, baby.
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A
Like, wow, there was a lot of corn. Like, they really weren't playing around about that.
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B
But it's.
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A
It's crazy because that's, like, that was home.
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B
Yeah.
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A
You guys still own your house there.
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B
You know how crazy that. We do so. And I know we'll get into this, but Ryan, I always joke, he's the old man. He's always been 100 years old, trapped in his body, and he's just, like, such a by the rules guy. And he was just always like, no fuss about it. Because this is something we have to talk about, too. The schedule. Everyone's like, NFL's so great. Six months on, six months off. I'm like, who has that schedule? Six months off, where that's. Somehow. Everyone's like, what's it like to have six months off with your husband? I was like, I'll let you know when that happens. Like, that's not the schedule, but. All right. But that's how it feels to fans, because it's like, you've got.
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A
Because there's no games.
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B
Yeah, exactly. So they're just like. But we. My husband was always like, we're going to live in the city that we play. And it just so happened we got to stay in the same city. For better or for worse for me, right? Like, imagine being single in your 20s and there's like, come to Indiana. You're like, living your best life in the South. And you're like, that's how you find out if you love an invite, come to Indiana. That's how you know you're going to go the distance.
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A
Indiana.
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B
So we, we made it home and then we had some personal things happen to us that have just, like, is it going to be. But then this experience, moving to Minnesota has kind of like, I don't know, rip the lid right off the can. I'm like, a one foot, one in, one out. Yeah, we've come to Minnesota. I'm like, yeah, like, I'm. I've got a taste of this. But also like, everyone's like, the NFL is so great. You get to all these places. I'm like, I can't get out of the Midwest. Like, I thought, like, what happened to la, Tampa Bay? Like, Vegas?
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A
You're like, where?
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B
Yeah, like, can I have a beach, please?
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A
You, like, got colder, which is really hard to do when you're moving from Indiana.
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B
I'm so scared.
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A
I guess it hasn't really hit you.
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B
So scared for Minnesota winner. Like, it's like the Game of Thrones, like, winter is coming. Like, I'm scared.
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A
Yeah, it's coming whether you like it or not.
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B
For my mental health, for all the things. But it's actually like, we have loved it so much.
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A
So you guys have adjusted. Like, you guys have settled in.
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B
It's shocked me how. But actually, let me just tell you, like, what happened to you. Like, just to. So even as someone as lucky as us, who were in a place for almost a decade, you get a call and you think it's A, B, C, Y, someone from Z calls. You're like, didn't see this coming, right? Like, I was prepping for the beach. Minnesota's like, we'd really like you. And then for all the things we said, you're like, from a football perspective, there is no greater place to be. And so it's like, let's go right off into the sunset in Minnesota, I guess. But what I didn't see is like, so Ryan, by the way, is on a plane. So my husband's over the Pacific flying to Hawaii, and his agent's trying to get a contract. Like, the Vikings want you. You need to sign. Like, hello? And he's like, hey. Like, yeah. Like, WI Fi is in and out. He's so stressed. Like, he's so. It finally goes through. He touches down in Hawaii for this event. And then the Vikings call and they're like, hey, we need you here in 24 hours. You gotta do a physical. Like, that's what everyone does. You have to do all these undercover things when you don't just sign to like, everyone's like, they're signing Ryan Kelly. It's like, no, he's gotta pass the physical. He's gotta pass. Like, they do all of these screenings. So by the way, my husband gets out to Hawaii, they tell him he's gotta be back in Minnesota for within 24 hours. So he doesn't sleep. He's probably had 29 cans of Zyn and 14 coffees. And so he gets to Minnesota and he fails the heart exam or whatever. He fails the physical and they're like, hey, your heart's irregular. And he's like, what?
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A
He's like, bud, I'm stressed. Yeah.
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B
He's like, whoa, that's so weird. I don't know why I failed it. And then later they're like, it was probably the 29 cans of Zyn that you inhaled on your flight over, but.
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A
Well, you probably should have called earlier. And maybe I would have passed first time, but.
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B
So in this time, I'm waiting for him. He's like, hey, we're signing with Minnesota. Then he was like, wait, hey, I failed my exam. So you're like, wait, what? Like, you can't even sign. So there's a 48 hour period where you're just like, what do you call that? Like, limbo? Like, you're just like, you're just waiting.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Yes, Hella waiting to also find out, like, wait, is your heart okay? And then just like, it's fine.
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A
You're like, okay, the team. But like, are you good?
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B
But the team, by the way, they can say that they can pull you away. And like, if you fail your physical, then they're like, sorry, you're out.
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A
No, yeah, they can pull.
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B
Move the cattle back out. Move.
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A
Like, okay, yeah, next.
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B
Yeah, next up. Exactly. And so I don't think that's like, it's like a whole thing. So we. He passes the physical. Thank God it was just because he hadn't slept. And so then we, we finally sat in. Right. So then I, I like, forget the dates too, because it's, it's, it is a little bit like, traumatic isn't the word. But what do you. When someone flips your universe completely upside down, it's chaos.
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A
I mean, if you were to go up to anybody and say, hey, I know you have like three kids and a dog and like a life here and like your dentist and your primary care doctor and your OB GYN and like, you did ivf. Like, hey, I know you have all these things going on, but, like, by the way, like, do you want to move a few states over?
- [21:57]
B
Yeah, our daughter's like three months old. I have twin boys who are just over 1.
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A
That in and of itself is a little terrifying.
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B
It's crazy. I still, I still have an outer body experience when I tell everyone that I have three children under two. Like, when did this happen? But so you're dealing, you are dealing with real life. I think the biggest thing too is everyone likes to forget that athletes and their significant others are very human. And we go through very real things. And it isn't even money doesn't. Glamorous.
- [22:29]
A
Money doesn't change that. You can still go through very real things. And I hate when people would always compare my experience to somebody else. It's like, well, yeah, but your husband has a great job and gets paid a lot. And like, there's people not as. And I'm like, yeah, but my husband losing his job, I'm still able to be upset.
- [22:44]
B
My favorite term that I get all the time is shut up. Your husband's making millions. You don't know. I'm like, okay, I don't.
- [22:52]
A
Like, I understand that we are super blessed in that capacity, but there are still other. So many other things of life that money doesn't replace.
- [23:01]
B
Does. Does, like, exactly. And that's the thing. Like, yes, money helps, but it doesn't replace. So and the schedule. Hopefully this, like, helps alleviate things. So he gets the call. He's going to Minnesota. He has weeks to get out there. He has to go out there. We don't know Minnesota from Adam. I don't know a soul in Minnesota.
- [23:23]
A
Asked me to put the.
- [23:25]
B
Like, I had to Google on a map where it was. It turns out it's neighbors to Canada. Did you know that? Because I didn't.
- [23:31]
A
No. Actually driving from Michigan, if you go up the. You have to drive through Canada. Or like, you might.
- [23:37]
B
No, you do. Yeah. I keep forgetting you're a Michigan girly too.
- [23:40]
A
But I understand that you. It went from like, okay, we're in Indiana now. Minnesota crazy. This is a toss up. And then let's get our life there.
- [23:48]
B
And you know, like, ours is right. We're going to Midwest. So I, I know I can take myself out of this. Like, I've done this. I know this. Midwest. Midwest, yeah. You have girls who are going from, like, imagine, like, respectfully. Imagine living your whole life in, like, Miami or New York and then being told you're going to, like, Indiana.
- [24:07]
A
Yeah.
- [24:08]
B
Cincinnati, Minnesota, and you don't know a soul.
- [24:13]
A
You're like, wait, so I'm going to live in a neighborhood?
- [24:16]
B
You're also like, can I ask Charles, like, chatgpt, like, hey, what's a good neighbor? Like, what do you. What do you do? And everyone's like, oh, the NFL takes care of you. Like, some do. Some have great people who, like, help you. The majority don't.
- [24:28]
A
No, the majority do not.
- [24:29]
B
Do not have help. So no one's telling you what neighborhood to choose. Nothing. And hopefully, you know, I like to think we're in an age, like, it's so much better. And that's what I tried to be for the women of the Colts. It's like, hopefully you have, like, a good women that you can rely on. Like, where do I live if I have kids? What doctor do I go to? Dentist. Like, your whole life, like, you're. You're going. And I know people go through this every day, but it's really hard. And so you have weeks to do it. So my husband goes out there. He is out there for good, and I am. Do we sell our house?
- [25:00]
A
Yeah, do we? And the house where our children.
- [25:02]
B
You have months to make this decision that we brought all of our babies home to. So it's like, do we sell this house? How do we find and trust someone to take care of it if we don't, can we rent it out? Like, what does that look like? Where the heck are we gonna live in Minnesota? You know, we also have a hard.
- [25:20]
A
My secret hack to finding a place to live that's like, okay, whether you buy or rent, my thing was always find the facility and then Google the closest Whole Foods. And that's, like, the neighborhood.
- [25:32]
B
It's actually amazing. That's like the Lululemon theory. Like, if you want to find the.
- [25:36]
A
Nice neighborhood, the nice neighborhoods, and, like, suburban. Or, like, families.
- [25:40]
B
Yes.
- [25:41]
A
No. I always Google Whole Foods.
- [25:44]
B
Side note. Well, never mind. But so Whole Foods is so smart. Also, a lot of people don't understand that their practice facilities are not where the stadium is. So, like, you're not living this, like.
- [25:54]
A
But, like, I think it's like the patriots and the 49ers are practice.
- [25:59]
B
Where they. Yes.
- [26:00]
A
Where the stadium is.
- [26:00]
B
So the rest of the teams have a different practice facility, and it's always out in, like, the sticks.
- [26:06]
A
Well, it's Indiana I'm like, I don't even know what city that was in.
- [26:10]
B
Me either.
- [26:11]
A
We live 40 minutes from the facility. Because I was like, I'm not living anywhere close to that facility because there's nothing around it at Popeyes and McDonald's. Like, I'm not kidding.
- [26:19]
B
Oh, I mean, India's a little sexier, but, like, maybe not out by the facility.
- [26:23]
A
Not by the facility.
- [26:24]
B
Yeah.
- [26:24]
A
But no, I actually loved Indiana. Like, certain parts, I bet.
- [26:28]
B
Where you are in your life too, from a family perspective, it's so wonderful. Like, if you have to be. It's like, it's such an amazing.
- [26:36]
A
But tell a freshly married girl who doesn't have the intention of having kids anytime soon, hey, you're gonna live in a suburban neighborhood with, like, either old people or people with like, five kids next door. I chose the wrong city. That was my mistake. I chose the wrong Whole Foods.
- [26:53]
B
There's, like, only one in Indiana.
- [26:54]
A
I chose, like, the carnival Whole Foods. I feel like there's one. Like, what's. What's the other city like south of?
- [27:01]
B
Oh, well, there's like Meridian Hills. It's like Nora.
- [27:03]
A
Meridian Hills.
- [27:04]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [27:04]
A
Like, I should have chose there.
- [27:06]
B
Okay. So we. When we moved out there too, it was like a retired street. The houses were beautiful. All of my neighbors were 70 plus.
- [27:19]
A
And at least they'll notice if your car hasn't moved in a few years.
- [27:23]
B
Well, that's the thing. Like, everyone's like, this is. You're moving in with your NFL player. I'm like, his neighbors are 70 plus. But God bless Ann, who lived next to us. It was Happy hour at 3pm every day. She was like, girl, I just popped a bottle. I was like, ann, save me coming. Yeah. But that was. And then we ended up moving. Like, that's the thing. It takes time to figure that out. And you don't have time in the NFL.
- [27:42]
A
Right.
- [27:42]
B
Some of these guys get like six to nine months there. Let's not even talk about an in season move where they could release you during the season, Isaac. And then you. They are literally on a plane the next day. Yeah. And you just have to figure out, like, do you go?
- [27:58]
A
Well, that happened each day. Yeah, that happened with. I think it was four weeks left of the football season when Isaac was with the Browns and signed with the. The Raiders, which is a five hour flight. And I was like, okay, I just have to. I was like, hey, mom, good thing you're. You live close to me. I drove my dogs up a few hours, dropped them off at My parents house. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna go out to Vegas for three weeks and had a fucking time was great. But if I had kids and if I, I probably wouldn't have gone.
- [28:25]
B
No way.
- [28:25]
A
So I'm like, okay, see ya. When the football season ends, that's it.
- [28:29]
B
So you have this decision that you feel like you have no say in. Yeah. Because it's, it's about so much, especially when you have family, is you can't just uproot your kids in the middle of school season. Or just.
- [28:43]
A
I think people are forget. Right.
- [28:45]
B
Yeah.
- [28:46]
A
They're also like, oh, like all these wives are just like living off their husbands. Like, oh, do you want to find what job is going to allow you to just up and move at any point? Like, yeah, there's remote jobs, but do you know how hard that is to find a job that's like, hey, I don't care what time zone you're on. No, you don't have to come to the office. And then also people forget that like these players have children too. Yeah. That go to school, that have doctors, that their wives are pregnant. Like, where are you gonna give birth?
- [29:14]
B
Imagine being like halfway through your pregnancy and like uprooting, like you have to find a new doctor. Like you've been someone on.
- [29:20]
A
It literally happened to me twice in the same pregnancy.
- [29:24]
B
That's actually insane.
- [29:25]
A
Yeah.
- [29:26]
B
So like you're trusting one of the most important journeys chapters of your entire life.
- [29:30]
A
That's supposed to be beautiful and I'm supposed to be glowing, but here I am, swollen and crying all the time.
- [29:34]
B
Yes. And you're just like, godspeed, I hope this doesn't work.
- [29:38]
A
And you're like, well, at least you're rich.
- [29:40]
B
Yeah.
- [29:41]
A
Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'll just give birth.
- [29:42]
B
Stop crying though.
- [29:43]
A
Side of the road when I'm driving from Vegas to la. Sure. But money, great.
- [29:48]
B
I bet that's actually happened a time. Flew on the side of Vegas. You know, just. But well, so this is actually. We can talk about that. Like we're kind of segueing into. I gave birth out of state.
- [30:00]
A
Yeah.
- [30:01]
B
My children are on life support. We're three weeks before the season is starting and my husband has to make a decision because respectfully, the NFL doesn't care in any situation. Even if your children are on life support. Yep. They have a job that they are required to do and they either fulfill it or they don't. And if they don't fulfill it, there's someone there to take them place.
- [30:24]
A
Does that not piss you off because there have been quite a few players that I feel like I've even personally seen who have made the decision like if their wife is in labor, they choose to miss the game, or if their child is sick, they choose to miss a few games. And you've seen these situations where fans can get annoyed. How does that make you feel as somebody who's had children on life support?
- [30:46]
B
So like, can we will even. Should I just go back to Mary Kate kind of start from that?
- [30:51]
A
Yeah, let's go back. Because you've been really open about experiencing loss and I think a lot of women are going to like find strength in your story.
- [30:58]
B
Yeah. So you were with me through this, which is actually really crazy. And so buckle up everyone. It's like a really sad story, but there is a happy ending. I probably will cry because no matter how much time passes and how much we talk about this, it honestly like doesn't get easier. I don't know how that happens, especially like where we are on this side of the fence.
- [31:23]
A
Can we all agree that we spend a lot of time on our mattress? Like a lot of times I don't actually have the calculations of how much time we spend on our mattress, but it's a lot because we, we use it every single day and we should be getting eight hours of sleep every single night. So your mattress is so important because what is your mattress made out of? I want to take a second to talk about Avocado Green Mattresses because they are made using premium organic materials, GOS certified organic latex and GOTS certified organic cotton and wool, delivering luxury performance and durability. This impressive lineup of certifications sets their mattresses apart, ensuring the highest health and safety standards for infants, toddlers and kids. Avocado's mission is to be one of the world's most sustainable brand, the pinnacle of gots certified organic mattresses, luxury pillows and bedding, and quality American made bed frames and furniture. Avocado mattresses are Green Guard Gold, certified for low emissions and made safe for certified non toxic. They support growing bodies so babies and children need proper support for their growing bodies. And Avocado's array of infant, toddler and kids mattresses are soft and comfy yet supportive to adapt to various sleeping positions and body types supporting overall physical development. I'm laughing because my daughter sleeps in some funny positions. Avocado is also the climate label certified. They are verified as meeting high standards for climate performance, transparency and accountability with with long term climate targets backed up by immediate funding and actions with code Sunday you'll save an extra $25 on crib and kids mattresses on top of their holiday sale. That's an extra $25 off their current sale at avocado green mattress.com with the code Sunday Avocado Dream of Better I am on a fitness journey not only so I can feel more confident in my body, but also so I can feel better in my body and live a happier, healthier lifestyle. And also so I can keep up with my very active 2 year old. So I want to take a second to talk about Peloton because Peloton is shaping the future of fitness with the brand new Peloton Cross Training Tread. Powered by Peloton iq, it is Peloton's most elevated equipment with real time guidance and endless ways to move alone or with your favorite instructors. It's cross training reimagined with features designed to make your workout more personal. Peloton is built for breakthroughs. They have features that will help you plan, stay motivated and achieve peak performance so you can let yourself run, lift, sculpt and go while Peloton handles the rest. And the coolest part is that Peloton IQ provides real time strength coaching. So think of like a personal trainer in your home without a personal trainer in your home. Peloton IQ tracks your progress and suggests weights that challenge you so you can get stronger. So the new movement tracking camera allows Peloton IQ to count your reps and correct your form in real time, taking the guesswork out of your workout so you can train safer, lift smarter and make every rep count. And the great thing is that variety comes with the swivel screen. I am a type of person that I get bored if I'm doing the same workout over and over. So not only do you have the running on the tread, but you also have strength training or Pilates all off of the tread with one smooth spin of a swivel screen. So let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go. Explore the new Peloton cross training tread@1peloton.com hey, it's Allison and I'm partnering with Abercrombie, the official fashion partner of the NFL. I grew up loving Abercrombie and I still love them today. I mean, Abercrombie has clothes that match my confidence and I'm not just saying that because they have pants that actually fit fit me. They do have an extensive size range so they have a fit for everyone and that includes tall girlies like me. I am six feet tall and finding pants that Fit not only the length, but also the curves of my body. Abercrombie has it. And their NFL by Abercrombie gear is more than just graphic tees. They're stylish. They have pieces for every team that you'll actually want to style with your entire closet. And not just for a game day. I'm talking, like, if I'm going out at date night and there's a game on Thursday night.
- [35:54]
B
Football. Football.
- [35:55]
A
I'm like, oh, like, this is so cute. I'm gonna wear this. And aside from the style, Abercrombie's comfort and quality is also next level. I'm a huge fan of Abercrombie, and they have the cutest clothes, and they're also comfortable, which is why I'm constantly dressing in Abercrombie, not only for game days, but around the house, date nights. The list goes on and on. When do I feel like I'm in my own league? It's when I'm in an outfit that feels. Feels good. So shop Abercrombie in the app online and in stores. Again, shop Abercrombie in the app online and in stores. They have so much not only for NFL, but also for date night loungewear. Check it out.
- [36:40]
B
So Ryan and I story in our chapter kind of takes. This is the year that we're together at the Colts. We are coming hot off our dream wedding, like, the ultimate high of life. And we were like, your typical. Like, we're gonna wait a year. We're gonna travel. Like, we have all the say in the world over our situation. And this is actually, like, tmi. But I joke, it was like our conjugal visit during camp. Like, they're not allowed to come home. No one understands that too. Our husbands go away for a month.
- [37:10]
A
And a half, feel like he missed me.
- [37:11]
B
So, you know, they go away. They have, like, three days. They stay in a hotel, and they get like me. They get to come home, like, once every six or seven days just to basically, like, rest in their bed, and then they have to go back. So I always tell everyone it was our conjugal visit. Like, he came home. And his one visit in August, he's.
- [37:29]
A
Like, I've been really stressed.
- [37:30]
B
I was doing my wifely duties, and it turns up I was knocked out, like, three months after our wedding. We, like, weren't expecting it or, like, really planning, but it was such a welcome, amazing thing in this, like, high of life. And then in comes HBO Hard Knocks, and they're like, we want to film the Colts. I Forgot about all this, by the way. Do you remember that this all happened?
- [37:52]
A
I think that year was a lot.
- [37:54]
B
Yeah. Yes, it was. That was like your first. That's. I feel shell shocked now. Like, we're in Minnesota. I'm still trying, so I can't. I. I know that you were feeling.
- [38:01]
A
A lot, you know, but I feel like so many things happen that. That year was also, like, the first year after Covid, so it kind of felt, like, very blurry.
- [38:07]
B
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- [38:08]
A
That was the first year that you like fans, the stadiums again?
- [38:12]
B
Yeah, kind of. Kind of.
- [38:14]
A
There was, like, still capacity in certain.
- [38:16]
B
States, so that's also something someone has to talk about. The. The COVID rules and, like, how every team got to decide. Remember, they had to pick us up on the side of the road. We could go to the game, we could go home with our husbands, but we weren't allowed to be picked up in the parking lot. They had to pick us up.
- [38:32]
A
Isaac was in la, so I couldn't even go to the game. They had a whole brand new stadium that I never.
- [38:37]
B
That's the thing, too. The rules changed, like, for every different team. It was so insane.
- [38:41]
A
I was like, susie Spanos, no one's gonna know if I sneak in with you.
- [38:45]
B
Correct.
- [38:45]
A
Put me in a suite. Put every wife in a different suite.
- [38:48]
B
Correct.
- [38:48]
A
I don't even need food. I'll bring my own Spanos.
- [38:50]
B
They're also coming home to us. Like, what's happening here? So, wait, were they allowed to come.
- [38:54]
A
Home for a period of time? No, not during training camp.
- [38:58]
B
Well, no. Yes, but, like, during regular Covid.
- [39:01]
A
During regular.
- [39:01]
B
Yeah, we totally digress. But anyway, so HBO comes in and they're like, we want to do the first in season. So HBO is giving for the first time. Like, our hard knocks is giving, like, a true look at the families and players off the field as well as on. Yeah, well. And so we're pregnant. They approach us and they're like, you know, can we highlight this? This is such a cool experience in your life. And so we're like, yeah, sure, come on in. What could go wrong? Right? I was very naive. Like, I'm just gonna go ahead and say, like, I didn't even know what stillbirth was at the time. Like, didn't know. And so we say, go. Like, they film our gender reveal. We do it. It's so magical. It's honestly the highest I've ever felt in life. My husband's always said he wanted to be a girl. Dad. He grew up. He only has A brother. I grew up with all girls. I'm so girly. I wanted a girl. And you just get it. And you're like, wow, this feels so good. It's the best feeling. It's like everything happens, everything you ever dreamed of is happening all at once. And you get your dream girl and you're just riding this high and then. And your life is under a microscope at this point. You literally invite camera crews into your life, and they're in the house, they're.
- [40:27]
A
At these personal events.
- [40:30]
B
The most intimate event in our life. Like, we're finding out our first pregnancy with our family. And so it was magical. And I was so excited to have the world in on it. Like, I just was like, yeah, I want everyone to know about our baby and all of this. And then. And then Christmas comes and I, like, was feeling a little off, but you don't know anything. I didn't in my first prayer. I was so, like, head in the sand. You just assume everything works out. And, like, even when you're going into your appointments, like, no one talks about these things, so. And I didn't really know anyone or had an experience. Like, I was one of the first of my friend group to get pregnant. My sister had had her first. She had, like, an amazing experience. You know, I was just like, this is how it goes. It's lucky. It's like mean girls. You just. If you have sex, you're gonna get pregnant.
- [41:26]
A
Yeah.
- [41:27]
B
And everything's just gonna go.
- [41:28]
A
And then you're gonna have the baby and you're gonna bring it home. And like, that just.
- [41:31]
B
Yeah. I mean, mean girls, where he's like, don't have sex. You will get pregnant. Like, that kind of a thing. It's just like, that's how we educate women here.
- [41:38]
A
It's like very cut and dry. And then when you get pregnant now. What?
- [41:42]
B
Yes.
- [41:43]
A
Oh, you have to wait a few weeks to see your doctor. And it's like, well, what do I do in that time frame? I just Google and then I have to try. Don't trust everything on the Internet. But, like, also, there's nothing for you, so just figure it out.
- [41:53]
B
That's the best way. Like, it's just this weird. And like, when it's your first, you just really don't know. So I. I reached the halfway point, and I remember I just woke up one morning, like, just like any other thing. But I, like, wasn't feeling her movements, but that was just, I thought, normal because it was still so, like, earlier halfway, you don't really feel until, like, 17, 18. I'd only been feeling for a week. So I was like, whatever. You kind of gaslight yourself. You're like. And you definitely want to. Don't go on Google.
- [42:22]
A
No.
- [42:22]
B
So you don't. But then I knew something was wrong. I went to the bathroom. I had, like, a little bit of blood. Very little, like, spotting. And even if you Google that, they're like, that's very normal. Like, can be in the second trimester. Yeah.
- [42:34]
A
You can Google any symptom during pregnancy, and it's like, yeah, could be normal.
- [42:38]
B
Could be normal. Could be the worst. Right? So I just knew something was wrong. Like, it's whatever. I do fully believe in mother intuition. Like, it kicks in.
- [42:49]
A
I like, I think instantly.
- [42:51]
B
Instantly, like. Or, like, not, you know, like. But, like, very much so with that.
- [42:55]
A
With pregnancy, I think you become, like, the second I find out I'm pregnant, I became, like, protective in a way.
- [43:03]
B
Oh, my gosh. Yes.
- [43:04]
A
That, like, I wanted a certain gender, but, like, if anybody else said they wanted me to have a certain gender, I'd be like, well, don't, because that's my baby. Don't talk about it. Like, you just become a little protective. And like, oh, yeah. You also. I do feel like you have an intuition when it comes to your body.
- [43:18]
B
100%. That's. And that's. So I just knew. Yeah, I just knew. And I remember this being. It was our biggest rival, Viralry, and, like, the owners had, like, a funny historical thing. Like, the Colts vs. Patriots is a very historical game. So we're coming up on this game. My husband had been out for two games for Covid, so he was like, quarantine. We weren't even allowed to be together. Haven't seen him in 14 days. And so I just remember he was at work, and I had the strangest feeling, and he's at practice, and, like, they're gone for, like, 14 hours a day. Like, you get a text here and there, you know, So I just remember being like, just in case, I texted our dt, like, our player personnel guy, and I was like, dt, something weird. I'm going to the hospital. I'm sure it's nothing. You. You know, but I need you to, like, if I need have my husband on deck.
- [44:16]
A
Yeah.
- [44:17]
B
I don't know why I did that too. Right. Like, normally you wouldn't, but I just, like, had this. So I drive to the hospital. I get in there.
- [44:25]
A
Did you go alone?
- [44:26]
B
Alone? Cause he's at practice, and it's still, like, post Covid times. Like, the world still kind of feels.
- [44:31]
A
And so they probably wouldn't even let anybody outside of your husband in with you anyways.
- [44:35]
B
Yeah, at that point, we were still having discussions. Like, he might not. Your partner might not be in the room with you when you give birth. And I'm like, that's not happening. But that was a very real situation for people. And so I. I drive into the hospital, and, you know, it's just, like, it's cold, it's sterile. And I get in there and I have this adorable nurse. And it's right before Christmas. I had had, like, lunch, a Christmas lunch with my girlfriends at the cake bake. The girly, you know, love the cake bake. So I'm, like, all decked out in this, like, holiday fit, and I go in, and she's like, oh, my God, I love your outfit so much. She was, like, talking to me like, girls, girl, comforting. She's like a young nurse. And then she just goes silent. And she was like, I'm new here. She was like, I need to go get the doctor. Like, I don't. I. I don't think I'm doing this right. And I was like, I just knew.
- [45:23]
A
Oh, my God.
- [45:24]
B
And then the doctor comes in, and she's just silent. And I, like, will never forget. She just, like, looked at me, like, really sad, and she was like, I'm so sorry. There's no heartbeat. And then she was like, do you have any family you can call? You know? And you're like, wait. You're like, shut up. Get back there. Like, no, no, no, my baby's there. Like, stop. And you're, like, trying to process that. She's like, no. Like, she's gone. And she's like, okay, so you can just hop down and walk over to labor and delivery. Like, you have. Like, you're too far along. You have to deliver your child. And she was like, or you can go home and shower and, like, get some things and come back if you want. I literally remember wanting to, like, tackle her and be like. And it's not like, you know, it is. It's not like she didn't have empathy, but it was just like, she's saying these things, like, so matter of fact. And I'm like, what are you saying? Deliver my baby? Are you high? Like, that's not happening. And, like, so. And then I'm like. She's like, I'm gonna give you some time. She's like, do you have anyone you can call? So I'm just sitting in this, like, sterile Error room. And so I had to call the Colt. I couldn't even get a hold of Ryan. I had to call the Colts personnel, and I had to be like, hey, we lost the baby. Can you go get Ry? Can you tell him to come? And so we did. And so that was, like, Thursday or. No, that was Friday. The game's on Sunday. Right. So then we are processing the worst thing of our entire lives.
- [46:58]
A
Absolutely.
- [46:59]
B
But it's football, so football business as usual. So they produce the Saturday report. It's like, Ryan Kelly's out, right? And so Ryan is a key piece to their O line. He had just been out two weeks. And so the messages start rolling in, and we start getting all of these messages from fans, like, f your husband. You know, he's so soft. Why did we even. Like, all of these. Like, all this hate mail starts coming in, right? And they're, like, saying all these things. So I'm sitting there on a hospital bed, trying to figure out how I'm gonna deliver my. My baby who's not with us anymore, and you're getting all of these. These awful messages. And so at that point, you know, like, you. The decision even isn't yours anymore. So at that point, I'm so worried about protecting my husband so we can just, like, process this in peace. Like, I wasn't ready to tell the world, first off, what you feel as a woman. Like, I was so embarrassed. I was mortified, and I was like, what did I do wrong? You know, what did I do to deserve this?
- [48:05]
A
Everything starts, you start blaming yourself.
- [48:07]
B
Horrible. Yeah. And I'm just like, I'm taking myself through this. I'm like. It's just. You feel all of these awful emotions, and you're trying to, like, work through this, but you. You have the world saying, like, you know, we need your husband, and blah, blah, blah. And so then you're like, oh, gosh, like, do you go play a game? You know, which is such an insane thing. Like, anyone from the outside is like, that's insane.
- [48:32]
A
It sounds insane, but the amount of.
- [48:34]
B
Pressure, that's all I could feel was pressure. And I was like. And then it's. It's our livelihood. And now, you know, like, I really didn't care at all about football. And in that. But so we. Then, in that moment, I'm trying to deliver our baby. And so I put up a post, and it was like, this poem that basically alluded to us losing her, but I wasn't ready to say anything else so that people would understand that we were Going through so that they would just back off and let us be, like, go through this. Right. And so that is one thing that I can, like, never, ever thank, like, the Colts for. Never once did they ask Ryan, like, when he was like, they were so amazing and so considerate and empathetic, and they were literally on. Jim Ursay called my husband. He was the owner of the Colts, and he just called Ryan, and he was like, you do what you need for your family. And he said, if you have anyone, I'll fly them in for you. Like, you tell me what you need, and I got it. And you just tell me when you're ready. Yeah. And that does not happen. And if you. There's a lot of actual loss in the NFL. And I feel so broken hearted for people who weren't given the same, like, treatment, but I'll just. They were. They were. They handled it so beautifully and gave us the space and time we needed. And so that, though awakened, like, once everyone understood what we were going through, I can't even tell you how the community rallied behind us and were so, so amazing and carried us through the literal worst and darkest time of our entire life. And, you know, truly, at that point, he was thinking, like, how can I ever step foot on a football field?
- [50:15]
A
Yeah.
- [50:16]
B
Like, you don't know what any of this means. We've lost a baby. We have no answers, and it's all we ever wanted in life. And then it's just taken football.
- [50:24]
A
It's a job. At the end of the day, it is a job, and it's a vehicle for all these other things you want to do in your life. But then who you're going home to every single day, that's your wife, that's your family. That's, like, your child. That's. That's, like, what really matters. Like, yeah, I love football. Like, I. I want to play football for my. For my whole life and all of this. But then it's like, that's your fucking family.
- [50:46]
B
Yeah.
- [50:47]
A
And I do. I do remember, like, all this happening, and I. I feel like this is, like, where I was like, wow, this is, like, this is family. Like, this is what everyone talks about when it comes to the NFL. This is, like, the good side that people. I don't really get to see is, like, out of heartbreak comes community and, like, people rallying behind you and, like, even, like, owners, coaches, like, going out of their way, and I'm like, okay. Like, that's when I feel like I got. I saw, like, wow. Like, this is. This Is, like, bigger than football. Bigger than football.
- [51:20]
B
Yeah.
- [51:22]
A
And so, like, in those weeks after, like, how. How did you. Like, how did Ryan make the decision? Like, okay, I'm gonna go back to football.
- [51:31]
B
Like, well. And I think also backing up to, like, what we learned. So I said, like, I just want to be so vocal about this. Like, the feelings of shame. If I could have taken my loss, like, at that point, I wish I could have erased my pregnancy. Erased, like, I wanted to. I didn't. Like, how. How do you face a world without your child in it anymore? Like. Like. And so. And you go. We were in the middle of decorating her nursery. We had just gotten her crib in. And, like, we just, like, the whole world was in front of us, and then it was taken from us. And so I just remember, like, the shame that I felt and embarrassment and just, like, what I had done wrong. And I couldn't face the world, and the world was so. So, like, I always say, like, I didn't mean to open up the world to our loss, but it's the only way I survived. And I've realized how many people are experiencing what we have and how many people came to our side, and it's like, community is. That was our survival. And so it's okay if you don't want to share it. Like, both are valid. But opening up and talking about these things, it's so necessary and needed. Like, this community is needed. So many people are experiencing this. I just had all of these beautiful, amazing people from every walk of life coming out. Our story had reached them. They did air the episode. So they air it because they're in the middle of filming. We had just done our gender reveal. Everyone was so excited for us. And then they film our loss. Like, they. Not like, they weren't with us in the hospital, but they're there when they break it to the team. Why Ryan had to leave practice so early and all the things. And just also, like, you have these grown men who are the toughest individuals in the world, like, come to you crying, and, like, it just shows you how beautiful. And, like, you said, the connection, the community, like, the NFL is so much more than football. It is. I really think it's the relationships that matter the most in this experience. And, like, who these guys are. It's family.
- [53:27]
A
It's crazy that now, in hindsight, this. That's one of the things I miss most about the NFL is like, yeah, there were a lot of hardships. And, like, some days I would cry because I just, like, felt Lonely. But then you have people who also feel lonely. Then you can go through that loneliness together.
- [53:43]
B
Yeah.
- [53:43]
A
And there's so much community and, like, family behind football. And I think people don't realize that.
- [53:48]
B
No, I still, like, think about. I remember your message. Like, I remember us, like, just meeting. And it's so weird. Things like, stick to you in your time, but, like, even just the way that everyone, like, rallied and, like, just like, it was survival. And so I like getting back to that, too. No matter what, the world moves on. And it's so cruel. Right. But it's like it never leaves you, but the rest of the world has to carry on. And so you have to figure out how to fit back in the world that's moving on. And so that was very hard. And also, like, it took such a toll on our marriage. So, like, one of the things people don't talk about is how differently you grieve. So I. I'm. I'm so outward emotion. I'm bawling, I can't get out of bed. You know, I'm angry. I feel rage. And Ryan, just by nature, like, he's an alignment. It's, like, ingrained in their DNA. They are protectors. Like, that is what they do. And so he felt like his needs didn't matter and he had to be there and be strong for mine. And I'll never forget, it was like, after the Christmas party or something. We had, like, the end of the year party.
- [54:58]
A
Yeah.
- [54:59]
B
We come home and I'm just like, why aren't you crying? Like, do you not, like, did you not miss her? Do you not love her like, I do? And I remember, like, I broke him at that point, like, saying that I didn't mean it, but I was just like, why aren't you reacting, having the same reaction as me? And it's because if there's one thing, any advice I could give to anyone in the world, in any situation that they're going through, you need to honor each other's grief. And it's so different. Men and women's are so different, or just like, peoples are different. And so you need to honor and respect how other people choose to grieve. And it's not linear. Like, so it could affect you months down the road. And all of it is valid.
- [55:42]
A
And it can also hit you like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. I'm sure, like, anything after which they say grief, it. It never goes away. It just becomes easier to live with that grief. So in those, like, I'm sure women Will appreciate you opening up about how hard that is in a marriage and how differently people grieve. Did you guys, like, go to therapy after?
- [56:06]
B
Yes.
- [56:07]
A
Because no human is equipped to deal with loss like that ever.
- [56:11]
B
And you shouldn't. And we make the mistake of thinking that the village mentality, like, we talk about, it takes a village to raise children to. It takes a village period in life for all the things, and it. So I'm so grateful. We knew we needed help at that point when we had come home. And I, like, unleashed on him. I was like, you're not great. Like, you're not sad. You don't care as much as I do. We were like, we need help. This is not healthy. We need help, and we have a beautiful marriage. Like, we were so in love. But, like, that doesn't matter in these times. It does, but it doesn't.
- [56:48]
A
Life is hard, and that life can.
- [56:50]
B
Affect marriage, and none of us are immune to this.
- [56:53]
A
No.
- [56:53]
B
Like, that's the one thing I've learned, too. Like, you will go through really hard stuff at any point in your life. So, you know, unfortunately, our first year of marriage, we lost our child. And, like, that's so unfair. But it's the cards that we are dealt with. And we go to therapy. So we went to this healing center that specifically had a grief and loss program. And it was amazing. And mind you, we were seeing a grief counselor, like, a joint grief counselor in Indianapolis. But this. We specifically went to this. We went to Miraval in Austin. If anyone needs a grief and loss program, Miraval in Austin has a wonderful one. We saw someone out there. We went for a week, and it transformed us. We were given so many tools and things to get through this that we still use today. And it's like, even if we hadn't gone through loss, those tools that we were given are just, like, so effective. And there's so much power in saying, like, I need help. Like, we go to the doctor if we're sick, we go to the dentist for our teeth. Like, why wouldn't we go to a professional for, like, our heads and our hearts? Like, especially when it's hard. So it's like, we're big advocates for, like, admitting that you're not okay and letting the professionals in to help you do that. Because you cannot steward this alone. And you shouldn't have to.
- [58:06]
A
No, you shouldn't have to. I wish that mental health was taken as seriously as physical health, because mental health can impact your physical health, and it just stays with you for so long after the loss. How did you guys decide? Like, I'm ready to start my family.
- [58:24]
B
So we. I was so terrified. Like, you go through all these feelings. So when we lost her, I was like, I may never have kids again. We don't know why we lost her. Is this gonna happen? So you're going through all this stuff, which is scary.
- [58:37]
A
Like, oh, scared to get pregnant again.
- [58:39]
B
And then, if I can just be candid, our health system is unique here. Like, I am a full believer in healthcare and medicine and doctors, but you really have to advocate for yourself. Like, our system's broken.
- [58:56]
A
I mean, the mortality rate for maternity.
- [58:59]
B
We have the worst in all developed nations. So stillbirth is one of the leading cause of death in, like, it's. We have the highest numbers of any developed nation. Like, our maternal health stillbirth, preventable stillbirths. It's actually, like, sickening, which is why that's. Our life's mission, is to help fight it. But so for our personal journey, I think I was so terrified. I wanted children so bad. And when you want them and it's ripped from you, you want it even more.
- [59:31]
A
Yeah.
- [59:31]
B
So then it almost becomes, like, an obsession and a disease. And I went to an unhealthy place of, like, we have to have a baby now. Like, I wanted it right away, but they were like, you can't. So my delivery with Mary Kate was pretty brutal. I delivered her, and then I had to have a DNC for my placenta afterwards because it was stuck and it was. So I had all these medical procedures, and I wasn't able to start conceiving. So then you go through all of that cleanup and healing, and then, I.
- [60:00]
A
Mean, you're going through the same process just for. You have a baby who's alive. Oh, so you're going through all those things.
- [60:10]
B
So your milk comes in.
- [60:11]
A
Oh, my God.
- [60:12]
B
You're recovering from pushing a baby out, but there's no baby. And then you're planning a funeral when you should, you know, be bringing your baby home into their sweet little nursery that you just started. And it's. It's. It's so cruel.
- [60:27]
A
So it's an emotional and physical healing that needs to be done, and I'm sure both. Which take way longer than if you had a baby that was born, especially.
- [60:37]
B
Like, the mental side of it. So just, like, you're going through all of this, and. But I was just like, we need a baby not to replace. My mindset was never. We're replacing my daughter when that was never happening ever. But I was just like, I need this, I want it so badly. And then, you know, we start trying and it's not happening. And you're like, ah, alright, three months, whatever. And then you're like six months. Okay. Like this is really starting.
- [61:02]
A
Well, especially being the fact that you guys didn't try.
- [61:06]
B
Oh my God. I joked that he sneezed on me and I was pregnant the first time. Like, we go back to our, you know, like, I didn't even know what ovulation was. I mean, I did, but like, I wasn't tracking, right? Like I was ignorantly in bliss of, you know, it just happened the way that they all make us think that it happens. And then it wasn't happening. And it was happening for all of our friends. It was happening for everyone around us. Now I also was pregnant. My two sisters, we were pregnant together with Mary Kate. I lost mine. They went on to have my beautiful niece and nephew, which was, it was just horrific, right? Like, it's a constant reminder of what we should have. And now it's actually like a beautiful. Like I get to think about my baby every time I see them and I'm with them. But during that time, honestly, I was just like, I don't think I can, I don't want to like, go on anymore. Like, we can't have a baby. We're doing everything right. Right. Like I'm seeing doctors, specialists, everything. That's why I say you gotta advocate for yourself. Like, you know, the doctor's like, you're great, you're distressed. Like, go home, don't think about it. And I'm like, I'm gonna punch you in the throat.
- [62:11]
A
Yeah, like, grab them. Like, this is.
- [62:13]
B
Sure, buddy. I won't think about it. Yeah. Like, yeah, I won't think about.
- [62:16]
A
Yeah, let me just go home and.
- [62:17]
B
We just relax and it'll happen. Like, stop saying that to people. Stop saying, just, it'll happen when you least expect it.
- [62:24]
A
Or like go on vacation and have a few drinks.
- [62:26]
B
Please stop saying that to women. Like, just please stop. So men check your sperm. Women like, do be an advocate for yourself. Exhaust all options. So I will say I do think I was so broken hearted and devastated and also it turned out like we would later find out, you know, through like extensive testing, like why we lost her and all the things. But had we just stopped and accepted, like it was a fluke, we'd never know and I would have lost all of my subsequent pregnancies. So, like, please never stop advocating for yourself. Don't, like, don't give up. And so we. From the time that we tried.
- [63:05]
A
Do you wish that was, like, accessible to everybody?
- [63:07]
B
I do. And it shouldn't be. The rat race and the maze that it is. And everything is so expensive.
- [63:13]
A
The country was a little bit more passionate about helping women start their families and a little bit less worrying about the people who. Who don't wanna have families. Maybe the world will be in a better place.
- [63:21]
B
Totally.
- [63:22]
A
That's.
- [63:23]
B
It is like a. It is like a. It is, though. It's like, there's so many people screaming, they want help, but we're, like, not giving them, like, the access. And it's. I'm devastated, honestly. Like, I will say that I know how lucky we are for that, because when I tell you how much we spent, like, how much, like, it was. It was. I'm so grateful because we would go on to do ivf. And one thing I wanna talk about too, is when we're going. Ryan and I are very faithful. Like, we are Catholics and our belief in this. So it's happening for everyone else. Right? It's not happening for us. We're reaching the year Mark and Ally. Like, I'm. Whatever is beyond depression. Like, I'm literally like, if I can't be a mom, I don't want to be on Earth anymore.
- [64:08]
A
Yeah.
- [64:09]
B
And that's where I'm at. I, like, can't get out of bed. I can't do our. Like, our marriage, you know, like, we both feel like we're failing each other and it's just so hard. And this was the shittiest year of football. Like, this is the Colts. We won't even get into this, right? But it's like, work's gone shitty. Like, they're just one of the worst teams in the NFL. So you gotta go to work. It's so hard to go to work. Then you gotta come home and you've got all this heaviness and just was hard. And I was like, you're so.
- [64:39]
A
I just want a baby.
- [64:40]
B
I just want a fuck you baby.
- [64:42]
A
I just want family. I just want, like, this is.
- [64:44]
B
Is it going to happen? Are we ever getting out of this black. This darkness? Like, will I ever, ever, like, be happy or, like, have a baby? And at this point, you're like, it's probably not happening. And my life is over at 30 years old. And so anyway, we. At this point, everyone's giving their opinion. Like, just adopt. Do ivf, do this. Everyone's got their opinion. And it's like, Jesus Christ, you're like.
- [65:14]
A
I'm sharing this to help other women going through this, not to get your opinion.
- [65:17]
B
Yeah. I didn't ask what you're like, so just imagine. Right. And also, gosh, I was so prideful. I was like, if the baby is not coming out of me. And, like, I just. I say this because I'm in a much different place, but I was like, I'm not doing ivf. Like, that's playing God, and I'm taking. Let me just tell you, that's not what you're doing. And, like, it is such a beautiful, amazing gift. You know, there's a lot with ivf. It is a big decision financially, all these things. The fact that parents, people all across the country want to have a child so bad, and they just need a little bit of help, but they can't because of this insane financial hurdle and, like, all of the things. Right. Like, first of all, be fucking nice to your friends. Going to I through ivf. Oh, my God, it is so hard. Most of the time. No one really wants to do ivf, by the way.
- [66:08]
A
Like, it's not like the. Like, no one's so excited to go and do ivf. No. There's shots, there's appointments, there's blood draws. There's. I mean, your body goes through crazy things just to get your eggs retrieved. Like, yes.
- [66:21]
B
Oh, my.
- [66:22]
A
Half the battle, and then you get an egg, and then, oh, wait, it didn't take. And an emotional physical.
- [66:28]
B
You literally just nailed it. Like, especially for someone. Like, it's. You nailed it. Like, it's. It's hard. It's like everyone's like, oh, you know, you're. It's not. There's no. There's nothing easy. There's nothing in it. You just, like. So I just feel like that's like, a story, too. Like, a lot of people like to involve faith in this. And, like, I always like to take people back. There's, like, a story about God sends a rowboat. There's a guy drowning, and he's like, God's gonna come save me. And God sends all of these things, but because God himself didn't. But it's like, this is a rowboat. There are amazing doctors who want to help you with your family. They're all giving these gifts. Like, no one's playing God here. We just want our families, so back off.
- [67:10]
A
Yeah. And IVF was a vehicle to do that.
- [67:12]
B
Yes. It's an amazing and hard vehicle, and it doesn't come lightly to anyone. And so you're going through this, and it Is brutal. And you've got a husband who works. You're just kind of. By like, we, you know, we had to do it during season. I started on Christmas Eve.
- [67:30]
A
Oh, my.
- [67:31]
B
Yeah. And so I think it's the.
- [67:34]
A
The thing about being married to a professional athlete is lonely.
- [67:38]
B
Yeah, it is.
- [67:39]
A
Like, you're in a city without your family or without his family, and you. You're just like. It feels very lonely. Your husband's at work all day, and like, yeah, there's cool perks, but it's very lonely.
- [67:49]
B
And just because you agree to it doesn't mean make it any easier. Right. Like, we know what we're getting into for the most part. Like, when.
- [67:56]
A
For the most part. And then you're like, oh, wait, this is. But it doesn't mean spending Christmas alone.
- [68:00]
B
Oh, yeah. Oh, that was the.
- [68:02]
A
Well, okay, so you did.
- [68:03]
B
You.
- [68:04]
A
You started doing IVF a year later, like the previous.
- [68:07]
B
Like, yeah. So we start on Christmas Eve. And so, yeah, it was 14. It was. We lost her in December 17th. I started, like, the process. Like, I didn't even get pregnant until much later. You got to, like, take all the meds, prep your body, do all this stuff.
- [68:24]
A
So, like, starting, I'm sure, is like, there's a while to go before you have a pregnancy.
- [68:32]
B
This also would have been funny to say. Like, I was someone who used to joke I didn't take Tylenol, not for the reasons that are buzzing right now. Like, I was just like, I never took medicine.
- [68:40]
A
And you're like, I'm crunchy. I don't need to. It's fine.
- [68:42]
B
No, I'm just lazy. You know, I'm just like, I'll lay here in bed with my hungover and die before I get McDonald's.
- [68:48]
A
Coke will do the drink.
- [68:48]
B
Yeah. Like, I was like one of those girlies, but it was just like, I was someone who never took medicine. And then they're, like, laying this calendar in front of you with all of these things. So actually, I chickened out on IVF twice. I went in, they were like, here's what you got to do. And also I went in, they were like, we're going to do everything but ivf. And then they go in, they're like, you got to do ivf. And I'm like, I'm out. So the first time I set the place on fire, I was like, f you. F you. I'm out. Like, you told me, you know what.
- [69:20]
A
If the doctors are you to.
- [69:21]
B
That they gotta be, right? Like, they gotta be. And then you you, like, give yourself some time. And then I'm like, I want a baby so badly. Like, fine. I'm gonna. Like, I'm. So we go back in, but then they send me, like, the shot schedule, and I'm like, later.
- [69:36]
A
I literally called, well, the shots, the pills, the hormones.
- [69:39]
B
Oh. I was like, I'm out. Hard pass. I'm out. And then we. And then we get there, and we go through ivf. And honestly, we had a beautiful experience. This amazing care team, and we were lucky. So we got our boys out of it. I didn't know that we were boys. We did this fresh cycle. We didn't know. And so this is part of, like, loss. And just you kind of talked about. When people are talking about your gender and, like, gender disappointment, like, that's a real thing. And it's so funny because they're the loves of my absolute life. But I'm sitting in the anatomy scan. We didn't want to find out that we were having what we were having.
- [70:20]
A
They're identical.
- [70:21]
B
They're fraternal. Okay. Because one is literally Ryan and one is literally me. But they didn't. The tech ruins it. My anatomy scan. And she's like, you're like. She lets me. Basically tells me I'm having boys. I can't even tell you the heart attack that I have. I go put the gender in an envelope now. And I was like, we get home, and part of this just is because we lost a daughter. Like, it's. It's. We thought. I thought I was such a girl, mom. So, like, it never occurred to me that I could have two boys at once. No, no. Like, especially. Cause they weren't identical. Right?
- [70:56]
A
So I was like, did that make you almost grieve the loss of your daughter a little bit more?
- [71:00]
B
1,000 times. Like, so there's a video. It's on my Instagram. It's our gender reveal. And we crack. The second cake thing. We had, like, a cake made. We cracked them open. It was blue icing. We cut the. I like, the phone goes down because I just start bawling. Bawling. Because that's what it felt like. Like my daughter. Or like the loss of her all over again. Because I just thought we were gonna have.
- [71:29]
A
I think that two feelings can exist. Right? Like, you're so excited to have two babies. Two healthy babies. You're excited.
- [71:36]
B
Yeah.
- [71:36]
A
But you can also still be sad that, like, wait, I was supposed to have a daughter here, and now I'm not going to have a daughter. And I'm Going to have boys.
- [71:44]
B
Yeah.
- [71:44]
A
And. And also, did you. Did you know the genders of your other embryos?
- [71:49]
B
No.
- [71:49]
A
Okay.
- [71:49]
B
Yep. So we were very adamant on that, like the fresh transfer, blah, blah, blah. Which, by the way, like, that's also another process in itself. Like, you don't get to determine. You don't just get to say, I want a fresh transfer. Like, everything has to align your body. Everything has to be willing to accept that. And so we fortunately were able to go through with the fresh transfer. Didn't know what we were having. Find out we were having the boys. And thank God, because it just took me a minute from losing our daughter to thinking we were gonna get that again, to we may never have that, and just kind of opening. The boys are the best thing that's ever happened to me. There's no doubt about that. But two things can't exist. And. And I'm sure it's a real feeling.
- [72:32]
A
Once your babies are born. It's like, how do I end up. Disappointment go. I'm sure goes out the window. So that's when I. Whenever I see these people being disappointed in the gender, I'm like, you're allowed to be upset.
- [72:43]
B
Yes.
- [72:44]
A
You're allowed to be upset. Now if your child comes to Earth, you can't.
- [72:47]
B
You can't be like, stay there.
- [72:49]
A
This I still want. Yeah.
- [72:50]
B
Yes. But it is like, so we did it. We have the boys. Well, so pregnant with the boys, we find out it's boys. And I'm like, okay, I can do this. I'm gonna be a boy mom. And I'm like, getting myself hyped up. So also, we lost mary Kate at 20 weeks.
- [73:08]
A
Ooh.
- [73:08]
B
Yep. So I couldn't even breathe. So we get through 20 weeks with the boys, and I'm like, this is it. Like, it's, you know, like, I finally allow myself to enjoy it.
- [73:20]
A
Okay, so you. So until 20 weeks, you were like.
- [73:23]
B
Couldn'T breathe, Would not even, like, acknowledge the pregnancy. Really? Like, I was so terrified if I even spoke of it, something awful was gonna happen. So cut through 26 weeks, and we're at. We're vacationing. The season's done. It's like our big vacation in the summer. And at this point. So in between losing Mary Kate, I found this company came to me. They're called Count the Kicks, and it is a stillbirth prevention company. So what they do is they help. They've created an evidence based app that tracks your fetal movements during your third trimester and on, because that is the only indicator that something is wrong in your pregnancy. So like, we talk about things. If you are listening to this, by the way, there is no such thing as running out of room in your pregnancy. Like, if your movements are off from or decreased, decreased, you will have a pattern. If they are off, you go to the hospital. You advocate for yourself.
- [74:20]
A
You actually, you are the only reason I know what count the kicks is.
- [74:23]
B
Yes, you download count the kicks.
- [74:25]
A
You are the only reason I knew what that was.
- [74:27]
B
And also, it's like, I don't say that to scare people. It's kind of a cute way to bond with your baby. Before they're here, you get to know them, their movements. It's really sweet. And it is the number one indicator that something may be off. And you go in if it is. And they can't tell you, they can't turn you away. You're like, here it is. Here are all my movements. You can clearly see they're off, blah, blah, blah.
- [74:47]
A
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There is so much noise in the pregnancy space, so I want to take a second to talk about needed because I love needed. They're providing more than just amazing products. They're advocating for better maternal and infant health outcomes and doing groundbreaking women's health research through their clinical research arm, NEEDED Labs. So Needed is all about women and I love that they not only offer a prenatal pack, but they also offer so many other additional things that are going to help not only mom when she's pregnant, but the growing baby and overall health of mom as well. So I want to take a second to talk about the Needed starter plan now. What's in it is a comprehensive prenatal multivitamin made with bioavailable nutrient forms paired with sustainably sourced Omega 3. These two essential products, both the Prenatal Multi and the Omega 3, are designed to meet the mother and baby's optimal micronutrient needs and you might be thinking, why is that needed? 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That's code SSC to turn 5 bucks into 200 in bonus bets. If your bet wins in partnership with DraftKings, the crown is yours. Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York. Call 877-8-HOPENY or text hop e n y 467-369 In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino in Resort, Kansas. Fees may apply in Illinois, 21 plus age and eligibility var jurisdiction void. In Ontario, bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. See sportsbook.draftkings.com promos I actually just came across an article in the past week, which is crazy, that now you're here, that, like, doctors recommend not buying the, like, what you can hear your baby's heartbeat with. Yeah, because that could be a false.
- [80:39]
B
Like, heartbeat is not an indicator.
- [80:41]
A
Like, decreased movements is more of a telling sign than like, oh, they have a healthy heartbeat. I'm okay. I'm not gonna go in.
- [80:47]
B
Yep.
- [80:47]
A
And then something happens.
- [80:48]
B
It's crazy. This is even part of the cdc. Like, the CDC is like, do not use the Doppler. That's what they're called.
- [80:54]
A
Right?
- [80:54]
B
The Doppler.
- [80:55]
A
I'm like, I'm sure it's fun, but, like, don't do it to, like, check on your baby's health.
- [80:59]
B
Yes. So they. It is the only clear indicator that, like, your baby is in distress. So, and this is if your movement increase or if the movements decrease. It's both. It goes either way. So if your baby just starts rapid fire kicking, and that's never been. You go in. If you're. If you're not feeling Your baby, you go in and a lot of women are like, I don't want to annoy the doctors or like the nurses, I mean they are there to add. They are there for you. I don't care if they are mean to you. You go in, nothing. What's a new nurse? Yeah, well, you, by the way, you can fire your doctors, your nurses, you can tell them. No, you can tell them like you have a voice, use it. And so that is like what we, that is what I'm most passionate about is like educating women on their pregnancies because we're not told enough, we're not educated enough. Google can be a black hole. But so it's like movements matter and so like follow them, use them, download, count the kicks and pay attention to your baby's movements.
- [81:57]
A
I'm sure you're saving babies lives like that you don't even know because just somebody coming across your page and seeing, oh like I've been like, yeah, I guess the kicks actually have been weird. It's crazy. I see this.
- [82:08]
B
We have so many baby save stories. Like it's incredible. So one in four stillbirths are preventable. Oh my gosh, it's sickening. So 25% of the stillbirths in the United States are preventable. So we've got a lot of work to do. And honestly, like Indiana is one of the worst in the country and that's why, that's how we kind of started our work. And so now we're spreading it throughout. So it's an honor to do it. And I just don't want anyone to walk home empty handed from the hospital like we needed. Yeah. So cut to. In my pregnancy, how did it, how.
- [82:40]
A
Did it feel walking home? Well, go to the end of your pregnancy. Well, this is, I want to hear.
- [82:44]
B
So we've done all this work with count the kicks. So I'm 26 weeks and with twins it heightens everything. So I'm like damn near full term.
- [82:51]
A
Yeah.
- [82:51]
B
At 26 weeks pregnant with two boys who also, they're my.
- [82:55]
A
Well also your husband's not small.
- [82:56]
B
They're like already off the charts in my stomach. Like every scan I went to, they're like, you got some big boys in there, you know? And I'm like, I know, but so I'm at 26, we're on vacation and I don't feel baby A's movements like at all. And that's weird. And so then I'm doing all the things which by the way, don't drink orange. Like they're like, drink orange juice to get them. That's creating involuntary movements, right? So, like, don't drink orange juice. Just go into the hospital if you're feeling them. So I'm not feeling my son. And so I'm like. And I. Very distinctly. So, like, I'm drinking orange juice. I'm laying on my side. If I always laid on the side that he was closer to or if I pushed in, he would always, like, retaliate in his little kicks. And so he's not doing it. So we knew immediately.
- [83:41]
A
Did you panic?
- [83:42]
B
Absolutely. I'm. I'm like. I literally scream like. Like horror movie. I'm like, get me the hospital, Ryan. Like, let's go. And I'm trying to stay calm. Right? But, like, you've already been in this situation before. So you go to a hospital. We're in this, like, Florida town. The hospital's not the best. We go in, they just hook me up to a fetal monitor, like, and they're. And like, an hour later, the twins movements return, and they're like, okay, you're good, girl.
- [84:09]
A
Shut the fuck up.
- [84:10]
B
I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. But it was the biggest blessing. But hear me out. If anyone else is in this situation, like, especially this far along, if they just would have done a cervical exam, Allie, they would have known I was in labor. Wow. But they didn't. They just hooked me up, and they were like, you're good. And even after everything that I've been through, I'm like, like, okay, I'm good. And I, like, knew better. But also, I was like, I don't want to give birth in this 1980s hospital. Like, like, just get home. And then, you know, you went home and. Yeah. And I'm like, calling my doctor. I'm like, right. Let's, like, I'm. I'm like, this is what's happening. She's like, okay. Like, she's like, coming to me.
- [84:40]
A
His twins is high risk, technically.
- [84:42]
B
Super. And since I had a stillbirth and given my, like, and IVF and like.
- [84:46]
A
All these things, I feel like, contribute well.
- [84:47]
B
And so this is so crazy. Since I had Mary Kate so early, the. There's like a. An insane statistic. I'm gonna get this wrong, but I want to say 70. 70 chance you go into labor early again.
- [84:58]
A
Wow.
- [84:59]
B
So I'm at. And with twins, it's like, exponentially, like, you're going in. Right? So. And at this point, I know, like, they're right at viability, maybe, like, outside of life. Like, yes, we're at the 26.
- [85:13]
A
Your twin viability is a little bit.
- [85:15]
B
Different than a single because they're like, exactly. And so we. But I'm like, please, God, no. So anyway, we have my close girlfriend's wedding in Nashville, Tennessee. So, like, I'm at the hospital on Friday. We fly to Nashville. We're in Nashville. I'm like, getting ready for the wedding and I start having full blown contractions. Wow. And I knew. And so I just look at Ryan and I'm like, you go get the truck. We gotta go. And this is so crazy too, because one of my girlfriends from Indiana who had moved to Tennessee was like, hey, here's a hospital just in case you need. Like, if anything happens, you go here. I like, joke with her. I'm like, you set it in emotion.
- [85:56]
A
It's like manifestation.
- [85:57]
B
But we know that I was actually in labor before. But. So there's a corresponding hospital that's in Nashville, that's in Indiana that I was like, we're gonna go to. Like, just so they can get us home to Indiana. Like, at this point, I'm like, I'm not in labor, but something's not right. Right. And they need to get my ass home. So. And the only reason we agreed to go to Indiana or to the wedding in Nashville, because I was like, it's four hours from Indiana. Like, we'll be fine. If anything happens, we'll get in and go hours, right? Nothing. It's an hour flight. It's four hour drive. I get to the hospital by the time. We're talking 15 minutes. By the time I'm hotel to emergency labor and delivery. Emergency. I'm bent over. I can't even stand the contractions are so bad. So they wheel me back there, they do an exam, and they were like, honey, like, you're. You're 2cm dilated. And I'm like, no, no, I'm not like, what?
- [86:53]
A
Like, fucking stitch me up.
- [86:54]
B
Like, what? Yeah. So I'm like, you give me whatever it takes. Like, that's literally what I said. I was like, close her up. Yeah, stitch her up right now. And so they did everything under the sun. And they were like, I do remember that first night. They were like, if you don't progress any further, we'll get you to Indiana. We'll airlift you to Indiana. Sure enough, like, no progress all day. Like, one in the morning comes around, I progress like 3 centimeters. And so. And it's painful. Like, it's. And this is now twice very real labor. It's Been taken. Like, so then the head of fetal medicine comes in, and she's just like, honey, I'm sorry. Like, it's not if, it's when. And we're talking hours, maybe days. Like, your boys are coming. If they survive, you will be in the NICU for six months minimum. Jesus.
- [87:43]
A
Are you not? Like, why? Like, why me? Yeah.
- [87:48]
B
Oh, my God. And talking about someone of faith, I'm like, yeah, what? Like, who was I? Like, what did I do to deserve this? Like, you know, you're just like, all these heavy things.
- [87:58]
A
I'm like, your story is insane.
- [88:00]
B
I'm like, God hates us. I know he doesn't. That's not a real thing.
- [88:04]
A
But you have feelings in the moment, or.
- [88:07]
B
I'm like, I was a murderer in a past life. Like, I did something horrible. Like, this doesn't happen to people. Surely. Surely I'm not laying in a hospital bed praying for my children to live again. Like, I'm like, what? What the fuck?
- [88:23]
A
Right?
- [88:24]
B
Right? And so then on top of this, all right, so again, like, football doesn't matter in these times. But it matters because we're three weeks from my husband going to a camp where he has to go away for a month and a half and drop off the face of the earth, and I'm not allowed to see him, even if we were in Indiana, you know? And, like, our kids aren't supposed to be due for three months. I'm 27. I've just entered the first. The third trimester. So there you go. Your babies are coming in a different state, in a different state where we don't know anyone. And so I. Again, everything is ripped from underneath you. And you're just like. At that point, I'm like, just please let them survive. Cause, God, if you take another child from me, you have to take my life with it. That's it. I cannot go through this again. And at that point, too, I'm like, we're done. Like, after this. If our babies make it. I'm so done. Like, I'm not meant to have children. Anyone reading, like, listening to this, thinking, like, yeah, maybe you should stop have babies. That thought occurred to me, like, you know, I was just like, maybe we're not meant to do this. So we have the boys, and my boys come out. They're £2 each. It was horrific. I also won the lucky lottery of I gave one vaginally and then had to have an emergency C section for them.
- [89:44]
A
I hear of that for twins.
- [89:45]
B
I'm like. And then I hemorrhaged out and went under, and I didn't even see my babies. I woke up not even knowing, like, are they okay?
- [89:53]
A
Where are they?
- [89:54]
B
Yeah, if they're alive. I literally came to. I'm in, like, the recovery room, and it's been like 24, 36 hours since I gave birth to my babies. I don't even know their status. And I wake up and Ryan's not in the room. He had. He was there with our babies. And the nurse just wakes up and she's like, do you want to see your babies? Like, they are. Like, they're doing so great, blah, blah, blah. And so at that point, I just remember feeling, like, so cold. Like, no, I don't want to see my babies. They're two pounds. I'm so scared. None of this is how it's supposed to be. Like, I wasn't promised any of this, you know? And so we go down to the hospital and granted, we go into the hospital and someone's like, are you Ryan Kelly? And I'm like, not today, Satan. Not today. Like, can you please just let us, like, have this?
- [90:54]
A
I'm like, if you see somebody at a hospital, probably don't ask if they also.
- [90:58]
B
We're in enemy territory. It's like, we were at the cold still. It's Nashville. Like, that's there. Like, so, you know, like, that was a thing where I was like, can you literally not like. And so there they are, like, our two pound, perfect little miracle boys hooked up on life support. I'll tell you one thing you should never have to see is like, your perfect little baby is hooked up to every wire cord under the sun. But they're like, full blown. They're just beautiful, perfect babies. But then you go on this journey, and so I got to have my husband for two weeks. And then this decision that we're not even talking about this point, right, because, like, how can he leave our children that we don't even know if they're gonna. Right, make it or not still at this point. Right? Like, and then.
- [91:47]
A
And yeah, because I'm sure while they're in the NICU and being on life support, like, there is not really a green light until, like, months.
- [91:55]
B
There is not a green light until you're out.
- [91:57]
A
Until you're out.
- [91:58]
B
And so. And also, like, well, I guess if.
- [92:01]
A
There was a green light, you would be not there.
- [92:03]
B
Yeah, well, but still, what you're saying, is there any guarantee? And, like, unfortunately, no, there's none. And like, every day things can take a turn, and it was so like, we're one of the lucky ones. Like, we were there while people lost their babies. Yeah. And then what that does to you, like, you know, it's just, like, you don't take. And just like you're sitting by a hospital bed for six. You're completely helpless. All I can do is nurse them at this point, like, provide my breast milk, and that's about it. I felt so powerless. I felt so helpless. So inevitably, two weeks pass and his work comes, and the organization is aware of what's happening. No one, by the way, knows what we're going through except for immediate friends and family. And then you do have to let the cold snow. And they're just like. And we have a new coach this year. It just was such a mess. And he is one of the most veteran. Like, he leads the line. And so they need him, you know, and there is no policy. There's. There's nothing on this. And you would like to think that your children being on life support would be a good enough excuse, but they're just. But it's not, unfortunately. And that's the hardest part of this. And so I understand that people are gonna have opinions about this, and I don't care, and I'm not asking for them. But my husband and I made the best decision for us, and I don't regret it in the slightest. But we decided for him to go back to work because there was nothing he could do.
- [93:34]
A
But what a blessing to not be able to understand the decision you guys had to make.
- [93:38]
B
Thank you for saying that. Like, thank you for saying that, because.
- [93:41]
A
You can say this and that. Like, if I was in your shoes, like, I would never let my husband. You don't actually know. And almost I feel like him going is like, hey, like, we need some sort of normalcy.
- [93:52]
B
Yes. Yes.
- [93:54]
A
And also, like, what, you guys are both gonna stare at your babies just hooked on wires?
- [93:59]
B
Correct. Like, we are just sitting in La Z, boys outside of their giraffes, just, you know, and so we made the decision. It was like. And I don't regret it. And he went. And unfortunately, they're at camp, so, like, there's no off days. And so it was like, I didn't know when I was gonna see my husband next, and he didn't know if our. Our children were gonna be alive. His boys alive. Yeah. So it was a really difficult decision, but they made it. They're such freaking rock stars, so they make it. And so I'm at the hospital.
- [94:33]
A
Wait, so this entire time you're Living in a different state.
- [94:35]
B
Living in a different state.
- [94:36]
A
You're, like, renting a house.
- [94:37]
B
We're in an Airbnb in. Did you have a school system? No, we didn't know a soul. So actually, let's talk about how beautiful the NFL family is. So we had a couple families like Claire Kittle. We didn't even know them before, but that's, like, their home. So, like, we had a friend of a friend. They, like, literally took us under their wing, like, for those three weeks, George was like, come to our house, Ryan. Like, you're gonna train with me. You're gonna do all these things. They opened up all their resources to us.
- [95:04]
A
Like, that's where I'm like, the NFL is a family.
- [95:07]
B
It's so. So it doesn't care.
- [95:09]
A
It doesn't matter, like, what team you're on or if you even know the person. If you're just like, a friend of a friend of a friend, it's like, you. And you have resources.
- [95:18]
B
You're like, that's what it was like.
- [95:19]
A
No one.
- [95:20]
B
We didn't know these people. We had friends of friends, and there were so many people. We're actually playing now with a couple who were so amazing. The schools, and now it's full circle. We're in Minnesota together. We didn't know them at all, but they helped us. That was who we had to rely on. People we don't know, other just players. And it was the best gift in the entire world. But. So my life became going to a hospital. I mean, I didn't leave. I was there for 16. I would go home to our Airbnb and sleep at night and that I would get up and go sit by a hospital bed. And if you've ever been in, like, icu, like an acu, like, there's just beeps every three seconds. There's, like, the life support alarm going off. Like, to say that my nervous system, well, she packed her bags. I don't know if she's ever coming back. But my nervous system said, we're out, girl. Well, now it's funny because I'm like.
- [96:12]
A
Oh, how are you doing? Doing with three kids under two? And then you're like, oh, no, I'm great.
- [96:19]
B
Yeah. Honestly, this is like, now that I've survived this, like, And I just, like, it was myself. Didn't matter. So, like. And let's just talk about that. I've got a C section and a vaginal delivery that I'm, like, trying to recover from in a 1990 lazy boy hospital.
- [96:38]
A
Oh, My God.
- [96:39]
B
You know, like, and so I. But Ali, like, my only connection to the world were, like, the nurses. Like, that was my human connection for the day. That was all I had.
- [96:48]
A
Did the nurses become, like, friends?
- [96:50]
B
They're still our family today. Like, our two NICU nurses, like, are going in our will. Oh, I'm not even. Like, everyone thinks I'm like, I'm not kidding.
- [96:58]
A
No, no, no, no. They kept you alive too. Like, they kept you sane.
- [97:02]
B
Oh. And it was like, you don't think about this. Like, it didn't hit me until there was like a. It's called, like, no man's Land. Like, there was like this NICU was so packed. They have, like a spillover room and it's like in the back. And so since our boys were doing so well, at one point, they, like, put them in no Man's land. I remember I actually had, like a mental breakdown. Like, I had a full on MENTV in the nicu. I started bawling and I was like, you can't put me out here. Like, there's no life out here.
- [97:31]
A
So you're like, I need human interaction. I need to have my husband.
- [97:34]
B
And it's the nurses. But it's like, give me. Give me back my people. Yeah. You know, and it's like you don't realize, like, when you say that, you're like, wow, that's like. It's not sad because those women are amazing. But that was my life for. So then anyway, our boys are a miracle case. So they were born at 27 weeks on the dot, £2 each. And they said that we would be there for a minimum of six months. We freaking packed our bags in three months. We got out, we came home, and you would look at my boys and you have no idea. And I do not say that smugly. That's just like a God thing. Like, that was. And I also feel like that's my. My daughter. Like, there was divine intervention. Like, our. You don't go through this. You don't walk away unscathed necessarily. Like, when you give birth that early, like, you know, if it's. It's just such a wild thing to tell you that I have, like, two hilarious, wild, tiny, giant men that I'm raising that you would, like, never know.
- [98:31]
A
Like, toddler men.
- [98:31]
B
Anytime I go, yeah. To, like, we do their appointments. And they're like, these guys were born at 27 weeks. And I'm like, I know, I know. And that's the thing, too. So things get really scary and, like, it's not like we're out of the woodworks, but they're like, this could happen. This could happen. This. You know, like, one of my sons had a very, like, scary. Like, we. He had a. I. Like, I'm not gonna open it up to, like, his, like, but he had a very scary situation and he just outgrew it, you know? But then they're telling you that you're. At one point, they're telling you, like, your child may not have a normal life. Like, he could be. Needs support and he could be a medical child for the rest of your life. And so, okay, you're like, I think I'm through the worst of it. Like, like, you're like, please let him live.
- [99:21]
A
It's like you're then in your breath and then waiting and like, the good thing happens and you're like, oh, wait, but this thing could also happen. Yeah. And it's like.
- [99:27]
B
And, yeah. And then they're just like your whole life again. You don't just get through it and get to have your babies. Like, they, you know, they could be all of these very scary circumstances that could. That would change your whole life. And so you're dealing with all these. And so we. I get home beginning of October. Ali. We also had moved houses. We had bought a house right when I went into labor. You're like, okay, so I didn't even say goodbye to my old house. And we just had someone move us. We literally were just like, our families were amazing. Like, they did what they could and helped, like, move. Someone moved our house for us. I don't even know if all of our stuff made it.
- [100:11]
A
I don't even know where this item is. Still don't have to stay. But, like, whatever.
- [100:15]
B
I really don't. And none of that matters anymore. Right? Like, I remember thinking, I don't even care. Like, you could rob us just like my kids live. And so it was crazy.
- [100:26]
A
Like, moving during football season, moving during football season with a baby, moving during football season with two babies, moving during football season with two fresh out of the NICU babies into a new, like, new house.
- [100:40]
B
I'm like, which room is theirs? I mean, we did a walkthrough through this house and that was it. And then we bought it and then we moved into it. Like, someone moved us. And I came home with my brand new babies from a hospital. I didn't even know where their rooms were. Like, I mean, you do, but you don't. Like, I've never walked through, like, like, wait, where's it?
- [100:56]
A
What Light Switch is upstairs.
- [100:57]
B
Correct. And so like I just.
- [101:01]
A
You happy to be home?
- [101:02]
B
I think about our village and just like how many people came. Like, we just had this AM amazing. People like rally and like get us in and help us move. And so we're home in this new house. Ryan's in season. He's, he's not home. Like I, I think that's like what people don't. Like, we're not being dramatic when we say that we single parent during the season. Like they're gone from sun up to sundown.
- [101:23]
A
Yeah. I mean when the kids wake up, he's gone and kids are going to.
- [101:27]
B
Sleep, he's out the door by 6am Our kids go down at 7:30. Like on good days, he comes home at like 6:30 good days. And that's like once a week or like and the off day. But then if they're hurt, they're on treatment. So there are no off days. So you're going through this. Right? And so I am, I'm like adjusting to two babies, not one. Like twins is chaos, like chaos. And, and they're, you know, still kind of medical babies at this point. You've got all these. How crazy is this? When you go to the nicu, you come home, you have all of these required appointments or they'll like call child services on you. Like they follow up.
- [102:04]
A
I didn't even think about that.
- [102:05]
B
Oh yeah. So they're like. But I'm like, yeah, like I'm, I'm trying to get, getting. How hard is it to get out of the door with one baby when you're a first time mom, let alone two, and then get downtown like you're in the burbs and then you got to get downtown by yourself to this hospital. Like I just remember, like, I, I don't know if I'll ever like come out of this like fog. And then so the boys cut, they came home, we came home right at like three, three and a half months of their life, which adjusted. They're like zero months old.
- [102:38]
A
Yeah.
- [102:39]
B
Like that's how twins work. Google it. Adjusted age for NICU babies.
- [102:43]
A
I don't know why we don't just only go off the adjusted age.
- [102:45]
B
Right. You do for like their first like one and a half to two years.
- [102:48]
A
Okay.
- [102:49]
B
So like if I'd be out, like, people are like, oh my God, how old are they? I'm like, they're six months. They're really nine. But I just like they're six. I don't want to get into it. And just like, everyone's also, like, now, this is my, like, favorite line. It never escapes me, no matter where I go. But we'll get to that in a minute. But, you know, it's like, you have your hands full. And I'm like, thanks. Can you hold the door for me? Like, I get it.
- [103:12]
A
Oh, you have no fucking idea. Yeah, move over. Yeah.
- [103:14]
B
Like, thanks so much. I didn't realize.
- [103:17]
A
Like, thank God. Thank God I have my hands full, too.
- [103:20]
B
Yeah. Oh, my God. That was absolutely. So one person actually told me this. I'm like, fresh at home. We're back, and I'm in Target. And a woman told me. She was like, I would kill myself if I had twins. She was like, I don't know how you do it. I would kill myself. And I was like, how? I can't even believe you just said that to me. But also, like, you have no idea what I just did went through to be here. Like, I would have almost, like, I killed myself to get them here. So people just say, I love that.
- [103:47]
A
Like, your hands are full. And it's like, well, thank God they're not empty.
- [103:50]
B
Yes. And like, you want to say, like, I know you mean well, right. But it's just like, no, I actually.
- [103:54]
A
Want to say, like, something so, like, crazy that they're like, oh, I should have never talked to them.
- [103:59]
B
Correct. Like, I can never think of it on the spot. I know we are the same, and I wish I could clap back, but actually, someone, the sweetest guy just said something to me. He stopped and he was like, your kids are so beautiful. Enjoy it. It goes by quick. And it was not like a sad. But he was like, enjoy it. And he was like, they're so. And I was like, thank you for saying that. And not like, you have your hands full, like, it's a bad thing. Like, I like, people are always like, I actually, too, just had someone with my three. I have this hilarious. If you've seen the Trio. The Zoe's Trio stroller.
- [104:28]
A
Yeah.
- [104:28]
B
Like, it's like, it's a rig. I roll around with, like, a rig for my three children. But I had a woman be like, if I were ever that silly, like, I should keep that stroller in mind. Like, I guess she meant like a silly to have three kids as young as I did. Whatever. But it's just like, the things that people feel so confident or just, like, entitled to say when they have no idea what people's journeys are. But we digress. And back to the twins are two months old or are three months Adjusted. No, they're three months old. So, like, they're zero months old.
- [104:59]
A
Yeah.
- [105:00]
B
So we're, like, trying to settle into life. It was. I think I learned at it when the twins were five months. So two months later, I'm home from the NICU with twins for two months, not even. And I. My husband and I, and we're just starting to get. We're still fully in season. I'm still trying to get, like, my bearing under, and we're, like, bathing the twins, and we still don't feel like we've come up for air. And my husband and I had had a conversation, like, I had at this moment in my life. I was like, I'm done. I'm done.
- [105:33]
A
Yeah.
- [105:34]
B
We have these two beautiful, healthy baby boys. I cannot go through anything like this ever again. I love you. We have our sons. I'm done. And this, like, we've always talked about four, five, like, you know, like. And it was a very real conversation. And at this point, I'm like, I'm gonna need decades of therapy to just, like, unravel, you know, the past two.
- [105:58]
A
Years of your life.
- [105:58]
B
Yeah. And so I was like, I'm done. I feel so grateful for what I have. Despite everything we've been. I feel so grateful. And we're watching my son's. Like, we just had this conversation, and everyone used to say this to me, like, beside. From when you least expect it. But people, like, you know what they say, you know, it'll probably happen. You'll get pregnant right after. That does spoiler. It did end up happening for us. Stop saying that to people that way. Stop saying, like, it's gonna happen, you know, or, like, people get pregnant all the time after it did happen. But that's not what people need to hear when they're, like, going through their journey. So we're.
- [106:38]
A
I get. I get it. But, like, don't.
- [106:40]
B
Yeah, Just, like, not with. You know. And like, I said, too, like, I was like, I'm done. Please stop saying it. It's painful. So I'm bathing my boys. It's been a particularly hard day. And at this point, too, like, we didn't have help for a while. We had a really bad experience with the nanny. We finally find this, like, godsend of a nanny, and I'm, like, starting to feel like I can survive this. So we're bathing our sons, and I'm. I have to run out because I'm about to vomit all over his head while bathing him. And I'm like, that's weird. And Then I was like, wait a second. Like. And I'm. I'm nursing still exclusively, so I haven't had my period. And I also.
- [107:24]
A
It took you a long time to try getting pregnant?
- [107:27]
B
Oh, we had to pay like a.
- [107:29]
A
Lot of money to get pregnant.
- [107:30]
B
We had to be so intentional that I was like, we'll have to be intentional for the rest of our life. Like, it can't happen, blah, blah, blah. And so. And you know, because when we were going through the ivf, he was like, you need to do ivf. Like, we've whatever. So I'm like, okay, we have to do this the rest of our life, I guess. So I'm like about to vomit on my newborn baby's head. I run out of the room and I don't know why. It's like something hit me. And I was like, because like I said, I hadn't had a period. I'm breastfeeding. I'm like, I need to take a pregnancy test. They're probably. There's literal cobwebs on them. I don't even know if they've expired. I don't know why. Right. Like, it's just one of those intuition things. Because I was like, my boobs are hurting. Anyway, I'm nursing and I take a pregnancy test and it turns positive before I can lay it back on the toilet seat. And I'm like, no. And I get what you're saying. Like, everyone's like, oh, you're so excited. And I'm like, no. Like, you adjust. I'm not even healed.
- [108:38]
A
Yeah.
- [108:38]
B
Like, I still have. Like, I probably actually, like, they might have been healed, but, like, scar is still super fresh. Like, I. So I'm like, there is no way. And also, like, then I'm like, my boys are only five months. Like, yeah, I can't do this. Like, this is not right. So sure enough, we are actually too. Like, my husband had just found out he's making the Pro Bowl. That's what it was. We were like going to the Pro bowl the next morning. I call my doctor that night, and I'm like, I think I'm pregnant. And she's like, you're not. Stop it. I'm like, no. I send the thing. She goes, be at my office at 6am I was like, I have a flight at 8. So I go in there and I'm pregnant. And she's like, emma. Because also, there's so many health risks with like all of that back to back pregnancies.
- [109:25]
A
You just had twins. You all also had A C section.
- [109:27]
B
Yep.
- [109:28]
A
And the, like, the fact, like, the next baby could be born premature.
- [109:32]
B
Yep.
- [109:34]
A
So can you put. Can you fast forward? Because I need to know, like, was you had a daughter.
- [109:41]
B
Yeah.
- [109:42]
A
And was. How was that birth experience.
- [109:47]
B
Divine? It was. It's going to make me. She just turned one, so I am, like, all in my feels because, like, if I didn't think, like, like, despite everything we've been through. So this was when I was saying, like, okay, so I've had these two pregnancies. One, I was a nervous wreck. Like, all I could think about was all the bad things that were gonna happen, like, you know, too much at this point. So I just, like, couldn't enjoy my pregnancy. But the one thing that I was like, if I get this, I want to do it my way for once. My births have been taken from me, my experiences have been taken from me. And mind you, I've had two. Well, I didn't with Mary Kate, but I had a natural pregnancy with the boys. There's a difference between wanting a natural pregnancy and then someone telling you you're having a natural pregnancy, by the way, so very, very traumatic for the boys. And then I got to have so for this one, just because I was like, I know I can do this. I don't know why I was like, I want to be back, like, at this point, too. I'm like, you know, I'm kind of like in the crunchy health journey. Like, I'm like, I. I just want to have is it.
- [110:53]
A
It's just like, you want the control. You're like, I want something to go my way for once, once.
- [110:58]
B
I just. I just want to experience what a lot of people like, the way that it's intended to like. And so I was hell bent on it. So I even tried to go to the midwifery. They took one look at my hospital report, and they were like, girl, get out.
- [111:14]
A
Absolutely.
- [111:14]
B
They were like, out immediately. So then I was like, okay, we have the most amazing doctor. She actually was like, let's do it. Let's do a vbac. Like, yes, there are complications. Yes, you are technically high risk. But, like, I hear you and I'll support you anyway. But all of this, I was like, okay, but whatever gets my baby here, like, safely, like, whatever. So I, Aliya, had the most beautiful vbac, unmedicated vbac. She came into this world so peacefully, so beautifully, like, on my terms. And also, though, this is, like, one thing I would talk about the NFL again, because we weren't Expecting it. Here's in season baby number four. Don't have an in season. It's so hard. Like, it is like, and you can make it work.
- [112:02]
A
But I was so naive to this. I remember when I was like, oh, yeah, I want to start like, like trying for a baby, but I'm only going to try during these certain months because I want to have a baby, not during football season. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. You think that you get to, like, try and have a specific birth month. Like, best of luck, sweetheart.
- [112:17]
B
Godspeed.
- [112:18]
A
Yeah, great luck.
- [112:19]
B
But, like, you know, if it does. If you. If you can, and it does work out for you, shoot. For the off season, your girl just had no say in it. So she. And I say that, like, obviously I know how babies are made, but we just went the IVF route, right? Like, we. We tried hard and it didn't happen. So I was like, it'll never happen again without, like, you know, all these things. And so anyway, cut to. She comes, but it's the week. It's game week. And they're on the road, of course. And first off, everyone's like, you're gonna go so early. Like, you went so early with your others. Like, she. You're not gonna make it full time. And her weeks go by, and she's huge, right? It's an O line, baby. Like, she's measuring off the charts. So. But it does. And I get to 40 weeks every week.
- [113:09]
A
We like, wow. Okay, another breath of air.
- [113:13]
B
No, I couldn't let myself relax until she was here. I just. Something so bad happened every time, so I just, like, couldn't allow myself at all. And that's not healthy either. But I just couldn't. I couldn't figure a way to unwind myself from all of the bad thoughts and, like, stuff. And so, I mean, I did, right? It was like day by day. And I was like, the one thing I have learned is it's so far out of our control. We don't do anything to lose our babies. Like, it's. It's out of our control. Like, every day is a gift, right? So every day with your baby, growing them is such a gift. Like, try to, like, be present, try to embrace it. But so we give birth or it's like away week. They're going to be, you know, and of course, it's like, not an easy flight to get to. And so we had scheduled induction because you. Everything revolves around their schedule. They're on the road first thing Saturday. I'm due Friday. So they were like, let's just induce this baby Tuesday. But I just knew if I like went the induction route, if we took it into our own hands, it wasn't going to go the way that I wanted. Meaning it would probably end in a C section.
- [114:21]
A
Yeah, I feel like the, like the percentage of. If you induce, percentage of C section goes up and up.
- [114:27]
B
It does, yeah. And especially my history and I'd already had a C section. So it's like, especially with our situation, I just knew, like, if I. I don't know why, like, it's the Holy spirit, intuition, whatever you want to call it. Like, I was like, I need to do this if I want any chance of it. I have to surrender. So, Allie, we made that decision. I really full heartedly. He comes home from Tuesday and we were supposed to go to the hospital and I start bawling and I'm like, I don't have any peace. I can't go into the hospital, please. And he was like, I'm so glad you're saying that. I don't either. And he was like, he was so supportive and he was like, emma, I will be at your birth, even if I'm on that field. Like, I will get there one way or another. Like, he was so amazing. He was like, don't do that. But my also said favorite doctor was going on sabbatical for three weeks starting Friday. So I was like, I need this baby to come. And at this point I've like, emotionally. This is the doctor who delivered Mary Kate. She couldn't deliver the boys because I was out of state, but she's been with me my whole journey. I was like, no, you have to deliver my baby. And so she was like, leaving. So anyway, nothing happens all week. So Thursday morning I go to sleep bawling my eyes out because I just know that I'm delivering without my doctor and potentially my husband. And I wake up Friday and my mucus plug goes and I'm like, it's go time. And sure enough. So also, this is just like Ryan dead ass gets up, it's like five in the morning and I tell him. I'm like, the baby's coming. I know it. She's. She's got. I didn't know it was a her at the time. Yeah, we did not find out for.
- [116:01]
A
You didn't find out?
- [116:02]
B
No, and I'm so glad we didn't because by the way, like, I just knew it was going to be a boy. And this was our only. Like, I felt like this was it. For us.
- [116:12]
A
Yeah.
- [116:12]
B
So I was like, we're never having a girl. I just have to accept it. It's a boy. I wouldn't let myself get excited about it. And so we didn't find out. So I don't know what it is, and I know that it's coming. And Ryan goes, babe, it's install day. Like, this is the most important day. You need to hold that baby in there until, like, Practice is at 1. Can you just hold the baby until, like, 3:00'? Clock?
- [116:36]
A
I'm like, yeah, yeah, bud.
- [116:37]
B
I'll let her. I'll let the baby know.
- [116:39]
A
Like, I hope this is a quick labor.
- [116:40]
B
So no so. And, like, he's like. He's like, not. He's so funny. But he was like, if you can, can you keep her, can you keep the baby in there till. Yeah. I'm like, sure thing. So I did labor, but, like, sure enough, one o', clock, I stand up and, like, the baby is coming out. Like, I don't even think I'm gonna make it to hospital at this point. I, like, labored as long at home, as long as I could. I go into the hospital, I'm nine and a half centimeters dilated.
- [117:04]
A
Oh, my gosh. But for somebody who's trying to go, like, unmedicated. Well, you. Did you go unmedicated or just, like, vaginal?
- [117:12]
B
Unmedicated baby.
- [117:14]
A
And for somebody who wanted to go unmedicated, I'm sure you were like, thank God I'm nine and a half. Like, I. I can do this.
- [117:21]
B
I'm just telling you, if I would have gone in there and they were like, you're three centimeters, I would be like, give me the juice.
- [117:25]
A
Give me the juice.
- [117:26]
B
Give me the juice. I'm over it. Like, I just. It's such a mental thing. And so I go in. They're like, nine and a half. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm calling Ryan, like, on the car, and I'm like, you gotta go. And he's like. I'm like, he's in practice. I'm talking to not even my husband. I'm talking to gt. Yeah. He's like, I got him. I got him. So he has to miss practice. He comes in and, like, I delivered an hour later, and it was her. And he screamed. My husband screamed. It's a girl so loud that every floor in that hospital heard. It was like, the most divine, a beautiful, like, ever. You know what was crazy, too? Like, some people say that we're, like, insane for this, but our good friends Are interior designers. We let them decorate the nursery in secret. We let them see the gender. And they decorated the nursery in our house and then locked it. So like a month before the baby was due, they went in, we were out of town. They even like disabled our ring camera, like, security system.
- [118:25]
A
They're like, absolutely.
- [118:26]
B
So that we could not ruin it. They took it so seriously. And everyone was like, you peaked. You peaked. And I was like, I didn't. I swear to God we didn't. Because, like, so then we got to. It was her. Because my whole thing was like, if by chance it was a girl. I want every pink ribbon lace, like exhaust to no end. Just in case. Like, I want the girliest shit. Like, just like love shack fancy. Just like threw up in the room. Throw up in my room. Exactly. And so we get our girl and then we come home to this unbelievable nursery. Like, it was like. Like the coolest thing we've ever done.
- [119:03]
A
And what a serene. Like, we're bringing home our little girl. I'm gonna sit in the nursery with my brand new baby that I just delivered. Beautiful experience. My husband was there, I had my doctor. Like, this is like, okay.
- [119:19]
B
It was. It was divine. Like, it was, I know, like faithful or not. It was the closest to God I've ever felt in my entire life. Like, that that brought me back to life. And now that in itself, her birthday has provided so much healing for me. You know, it's almost like, could we do one more? Like, should, you know, like, it's like where we went from like, absolute closing up shop. Yeah. To like, I don't know. This was so beautiful that it's changed our perspective entirely. And so all this to say. Right? Like, I just, like, if anyone's listening this and you're going through hell right now, like, just hang on if you want to. And if you're still like dreaming of like that your family, like, let us. We hit the bingo cards hard for birth trauma and like, all the things. And like, we held on and look at where we get to sit. Like, look at what I get to say and like, tell you today. So it's just like, there is hope and sometimes it doesn't go the way that we think or we expect and we try and force and you just have to surrender to that. But it's like, I get to sit here.
- [120:20]
A
I like, hope so many women can listen to your story and find, like, healing even if they're not in a place where they feel like healing is even possible.
- [120:28]
B
Yeah. I also say too, like, There is healing and bravery and hope if you decide to stop, too. Right. Like, Ali, some of these people out there are literally like, do we go into crippling lifelong debt to fulfill this dream or not? You should never have to make that decision. But it is a very real reality. And it's just like, there is also beauty and bravery in saying, like, enough is enough, too. I fully believe in that, and I think that it's really hard, and there's a lot coming from that. We live in a day and age where there's so much coming. Right. When you open social media, when you're in your time of need and want, it always seems like you're blasted with what you can't have. And so it's hard to keep that perspective, too. I know it feels like it's happening for everyone else but you, but I don't know, there's just, like. There's beauty in it all. And so, yeah, so we either hang on or give up. And there's beauty in both of those.
- [121:25]
A
And now you have this beautiful family, and you guys are living in Minnesota.
- [121:29]
B
And everything is small basketball.
- [121:33]
A
So before we end, what's next? Like, what are you looking forward to, like, for you and your family?
- [121:40]
B
So it's kind of. I look at you and Isaac and I, like, we joked about it earlier, like, the afterlife of sports.
- [121:49]
A
It's like, honestly, like, the career's done now. What?
- [121:52]
B
Yeah, like, we. Ryan's. His NFL chapter, whether he plays one more year or three more. Like, there's an end in sight where it never felt like that before. And our sons are, like, becoming their people. Like, all of our kids are developing these personalities, and, like, I can't wait to just, like, die to give all of that to them. Like, what are they gonna be? Who are they gonna be? And how do we get to support that? And I'm so grateful that the boys. You know, Stella's so little. Like, hopefully they'll have a piece of what my husband's. They were part of my husband's dream. Yep, they were part of this big, beautiful dream, but now it's time for theirs. So now we get to turn and focus on theirs. And, hell, my career. Now I get to have her back. Like, we've supported and not, you know, like, we. I don't know. It's just like, there's so much ahead.
- [122:48]
A
It's. I. I don't know why I thought, like, okay, like, once my husband's career is done, it's like, okay, like, that's. That's Over.
- [122:55]
B
Yeah.
- [122:55]
A
No, it gets so much better.
- [122:57]
B
That's what everyone says.
- [122:58]
A
It gets so much better. And I'm like, oh, wait, I know my husband's going to be home. And honestly, my favorite day of the week is Sundays because, yes, we watch football, but we watch as a family. And, like, we're on the couch and we're doing. We're lazy and we're, like, making chili and the doors open and it's like, like, oh, and then we can go get pumpkins later. And it's like, yes. Our whole world revolved around football, and it's like, it kind of still does, but, yeah. In a different way. Yeah. One where it feels like we're a little bit more in control and it feels so good.
- [123:27]
B
Yeah. I'm like, I'm kind of looking forward to that. Honestly, football has been such a beautiful, amazing thing. I'm not, like, I'm not, like, desperate for it to be over by any means. And I still just, like, love watching my husband out there. Like, there's.
- [123:42]
A
Soak it in.
- [123:43]
B
I know. Like, I. There's so much to that. But to your point, too, like, it's. Our life has evolved to so much more than football now. So. Yeah, stay tuned. We'll see.
- [123:54]
A
Yeah. Okay, well, I have some rapid fire questions before we end. AFC or nfc?
- [124:00]
B
Like, what. What does Minnesota play for?
- [124:02]
A
No, like, which one do you prefer?
- [124:04]
B
Time out.
- [124:06]
A
Like, I don't even know, actually. It's so funny.
- [124:08]
B
Minnesota play for the nfc. I just did this literally two weeks.
- [124:12]
A
Ago, and she was like, I don't.
- [124:13]
B
Know what team my husband's on.
- [124:14]
A
Yeah, yeah, we'll just go to the second one.
- [124:18]
B
Okay. Yeah, whatever team. Whatever Ryan's in. The Vikings are in.
- [124:23]
A
Fudge. I didn't know that. I think they're in the nfc. I don't know that.
- [124:27]
B
I think, like, Colts, like, is so in. We did it for so long. It's so ingrained. So, like, I'm, like, unlearning afc. Yeah.
- [124:33]
A
Colts. See?
- [124:34]
B
See, I didn't know. Hell, no, you did know.
- [124:37]
A
Home games or away games?
- [124:39]
B
Both. I'm actually in my. Now that my kids are old enough, I'm, like, living for the away games. I'm doing more now.
- [124:46]
A
It's kind of nice.
- [124:48]
B
It's amazing.
- [124:50]
A
I like them. Thursday Night Football or Sunday afternoon?
- [124:54]
B
Ooh, I like Thursday night because you get the long weekend with them.
- [124:58]
A
Literally, like the third person.
- [125:00]
B
But the boys hate the short week. They hate Thursday Night Football.
- [125:04]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [125:04]
B
Because you have, like, three days to prepare.
- [125:05]
A
Sure.
- [125:06]
B
Their Body is, like, all of it. So.
- [125:07]
A
Yeah, I think it's fine. Sideline seats or. Sweet.
- [125:11]
B
Okay. There's. There is pros and cons to both. So as someone who had a suite with the Colts, especially with children, I, like, miss that.
- [125:18]
A
With children. Sweet.
- [125:19]
B
Yes.
- [125:20]
A
And the food.
- [125:21]
B
Except when you find out, by the way, we do pay for our sweets. And when you hear what they pay, there's no. There's no discount there. It's horrific. But so. But the game day, like, being with the fans and, like, there's something about, like, being in it.
- [125:36]
A
In the grit.
- [125:37]
B
Yeah.
- [125:38]
A
So there's benefits to both, you know.
- [125:39]
B
And how to lose a guy when she's like, I can smell the sweat.
- [125:42]
A
Yes.
- [125:42]
B
I don't want to, but, like, being in the action.
- [125:44]
A
No, trust me, I have to smell the sweat. And I'm like, yeah. Coaching your kids team or cheering from the sidelines?
- [125:50]
B
Oh, coaching hardcore hard. Only because, like, I don't like who I am when I'm on the sidelines. Like, mama bear. I'd rather just be the coach.
- [125:59]
A
I'm gonna coach either way, so I might as well have the hat.
- [126:01]
B
Yeah.
- [126:02]
A
Kelsey brothers or Manning brothers?
- [126:04]
B
Both. Well, so the. The Kelsey brothers are Ohio boys, so I feel like I got it, but Peyton's an indie guy. That stuff.
- [126:11]
A
I know. I'm like, I feel like I really threw you on.
- [126:13]
B
Yeah. Can I just say both? That's such a terrible answer.
- [126:16]
A
But both my game. So.
- [126:17]
B
Yeah.
- [126:18]
A
Celebrating a win with a team or celebrating alone with a family?
- [126:22]
B
Oh, like, there's benefits, there's time and place, but honestly, your girl still loves to turn up.
- [126:28]
A
Yeah.
- [126:28]
B
You know, honestly, I. I like a good after with, like, the team.
- [126:31]
A
Oh, yeah. I like a good drink.
- [126:33]
B
Yeah.
- [126:34]
A
And then where can people find you on social media?
- [126:36]
B
I'm an Instagram girly through and through. Tick tock is amazing, but, like, you know.
- [126:45]
A
Yeah.
- [126:46]
B
I'm the village elder Instagram.
- [126:48]
A
I love that.
- [126:49]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [126:49]
A
All right, well, thank you so much for coming on, sharing your story. I appreciate for you being so open and transparent.
- [126:56]
B
Thanks for having me.
- [126:57]
A
Thank you guys for listening. Be sure to tune in every Sunday wherever you get your podcasts.
- [127:02]
B
See you next Sunday.
- [127:03]
A
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.