How To Be Stronger Than You Have Ever Been - Revisited

Summary

Podcast Summary: Suze Orman's Women & Money (And Everyone Smart Enough To Listen)

Episode: "How To Be Stronger Than You Have Ever Been – Revisited"

Date: November 30, 2025
Host: Suze Orman (with KT)
Producer: Robert

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Overview

In this revisited Thanksgiving episode, Suze Orman and co-host KT revisit an emotionally charged listener letter to explore deep questions about financial responsibility within families—particularly when a child’s parents are chronically irresponsible with money. The central theme is learning how to set and hold boundaries from a place of self-respect and emotional strength, rather than guilt or obligation. Suze challenges the notion that children owe financial caretaking to parents who have failed to act responsibly and reexamines her famous mantra, “People first, then money, then things,” clarifying that “people” means yourself first. The episode offers empowering, practical advice for listeners struggling to set boundaries with family during a season when such issues often resurface.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Listener Letter: Cecilia’s Dilemma ([02:56]–[05:45])

• Background: Cecilia, raised by financially irresponsible parents who even took her childhood savings, now faces ongoing requests for help as her parents age with little retirement preparation.
• Her Conflict: Feels guilt if she withholds help, exploited if she provides it, and wonders if she’s truly obligated to financially support parents who never modeled responsibility.
• Listener’s Core Question: Is there a reverse financial obligation from children to parents in such situations?

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Personal Reflections: Suze and KT Share Experiences ([05:46]–[08:28])

• KT’s Gratitude: KT reflects on her supportive, self-sacrificing family: “It made me feel so lucky, privileged, loved, cared for... My parents so did without in order to take care of six children. But they were responsible, totally responsible.” ([06:02])
• Contrast with Cecilia’s Upbringing: Suze and KT highlight the difference between helping out of love and gratitude versus being pressured by unmet parental responsibilities.

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Childhood Money Memories Shape the Future ([08:28]–[11:04])

• Suze’s Insight: Cites her book “The Nine Steps to Financial Freedom”—explaining how early childhood money experiences (like having one’s piggy bank raided) often have a profound, lifelong impact.
  • “Your first childhood money memory determines what happens to you in life.” ([09:26])
• Reframing Painful Origins: Sometimes, adversity can drive later success: “...even though that's a hurtful action and memory that you have, I would almost guarantee you that it is that one action, plus many after that, that has made you the successful woman you are today.” ([10:19])

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Are Children Financially Responsible for Irresponsible Parents? ([11:05]–[13:06])

• Suze and KT’s Position:
  • Definitively no—children are not obligated to support parents who have been chronically and willfully irresponsible with money.
  • Suze draws parallels to destructive situations (addiction, gambling): “Would you give them the money then?...I would give them intervention. But I would not give them money.” ([11:27]–[12:03])
• Key Quote: “There is no mandate that a child is responsible for a parent who is absolutely disrespectful of money...” ([15:11])

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Reinterpreting “People First, Then Money, Then Things” ([13:06]–[16:10])

• Empowerment Message: Suze clarifies her mantra was always intended to put the listener first. “When I say people first, I do not mean other people... The people I’m talking about in that phrase is you.” ([13:45])
• Self-Respect and Money: Giving money away to parents who waste it is “giving a part of yourself away,” resulting in emotional harm ([14:19]).
• Self-Evaluation: Listeners must ask: “Are you being strong for you, or weak out of guilt and fear?”

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Healthy Parent-Child Financial Dynamics ([16:10]–[17:40])

• A Loving Standard: Loving parents don’t want to burden their children; they actively try to prevent dependency.
• Quote: “Cecilia, that's how loving parents think. They don't look at their kids as a money ticket. They don't make their kids feel bad.” ([16:46])

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What Should Cecilia (and Listeners) Do? ([17:40]–[25:02])

• The Core Advice: Set clear, loving boundaries—and do it for yourself as an act of self-respect.
  • Suze: “You have to be strong enough to let them hit rock bottom...change normally comes, financially speaking, when the people have hit rock bottom.” ([18:30])
• How to Communicate with Parents:
  • Face-to-face conversation is recommended.
  • Clearly state the boundary: “From this day on, I am not giving you any more money. If you need food, I'll go get food for you and give you food. But make it clear to them that the bank of Cecilia is closed.” ([17:58])
  • Offer practical alternatives (yard sales, downsizing, part-time work) but not cash handouts ([21:22]–[21:46]).
• Role Play Example: KT and Suze act out how such a conversation might go, emphasizing parents may deny or react negatively—prepare for that ([20:03]–[22:34]).
• Crucial Mindset Shift: Giving money out of guilt is self-disrespect. Choose strength: “You have given to them out of weakness, not strength...You now have to say no out of love for yourself versus yes, out of fear that they're not going to like you.” ([24:17])
• Reframing the Experience: Rather than see the situation as depressing, Suze urges listeners to see it as “liberating”—the act of standing “in the truth of your own self-respect.” ([25:07]–[25:09])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Your first childhood money memory determines what happens to you in life.”
  — Suze Orman ([09:26])
• “Parents need and must be responsible for their children...There is no mandate that a child is responsible for a parent who is absolutely disrespectful of money.”
  — Suze Orman ([15:11])
• “When I say people first, I do not mean other people... The people I’m talking about in that phrase is you.”
  — Suze Orman ([13:45])
• “You now have to say no out of love for yourself versus yes, out of fear that they're not going to like you.”
  — Suze Orman ([24:17])
• “I've always been thankful for having a family that gives love, not takes it...That's what I'm always thankful for every day.”
  — KT ([20:44])
• “This is not just one person having this problem...there are probably hundreds of thousands, maybe millions, which is why I chose it for today.”
  — Suze Orman ([25:09])

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Important Timestamps

• [02:56] Cecilia’s letter is read in full, setting up the episode’s central dilemma.
• [05:46–08:28] Suze and KT reflect on their families’ differing financial backgrounds and the emotional consequences.
• [09:26] Suze discusses the impact of early childhood money memories.
• [11:27–15:11] Discussion of why children are not obligated to support irresponsible parents, including addiction and other dynamics.
• [17:40–25:02] Practical advice for drawing financial boundaries, emotional mindset needed, and a role-played parent-child discussion.
• [25:09–End] Suze reframes the episode’s message from “depressing” to “liberating”—embracing self-respect and truth.

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Tone & Takeaway

This episode maintains Suze’s signature style: compassionate, direct, and empowering. Listeners are urged to value themselves, clarify obligations versus guilt, and set healthy boundaries—especially during emotionally charged holiday seasons. The ultimate message: You are strongest when you stand in your own truth and self-respect.

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For further guidance and connection, listeners are invited to join Suze's free podcast community via the Women & Money app.

Transcript

[A]

Susie, is it really true?

[B]

Is what really true?

[A]

The alliance certificates.

[B]

Oh, you mean the rate that they're offering?

[A]

It's unbelievable.

[B]

Yes, it's true. And all of you need to take advantage of it. Currently, if you go to myalliant.com you can get a one year certificate for 4.10%. That's a lot higher than a one year treasury, especially if you live in a low state tax bracket. For $75,000 or more, it is 4.15 APR. So if you leave all the money in there, that's what you get. So if you have money at a bank, at a brokerage firm, anywhere that you want a great rate, I have to tell you, go to myalliant.com now before it disappears.

[A]

I'm going, Susie.

[B]

I bet you are. KT.

[C]

November 30, 2025 welcome to the Women in Money podcast as well as everyone smart enough to listen. Hi everybody. I'm Robert, the producer and we hope you are enjoying the long Thanksgiving weekend and if you were able to, seeing friends and family and most importantly, getting some rest. In fact, we're doing the exact same thing here at the Women and Money podcast, seeing friends and family and today, getting some rest. Now, just because we don't have a brand new episode for you doesn't mean that you don't get to hear. Susan. KT on this last day of November 2025, we're going to play for you part of an episode that we released last Thanksgiving because the core message inside is really important and it's something that we feel should be the top of your feed, especially as we head into the next batch of year end holidays. And now here's Susie.

[B]

Now today we're going to do something that we did before, but we're going to do it again. It's going to be a conversation. Oh yeah, recently I got an email because I read the emails along with kt.

[A]

It's about family and, and it's about the awkward and the difficult and the sadder side of what families may experience or go through, especially the child with.

[B]

The parent when it comes to money.

[A]

Oh, absolutely. That's why we're here.

[B]

So sit down with us, relax. And I want you to participate in this conversation as well. I want you to ask yourselves the question, how would you answer it? How do you feel about it? And maybe it can give you some insight to also open up a conversation with your entire family and see how they feel about it on the reverse side as well.

[A]

All right, kt, so this is from Cecilia, a daughter. She wrote, Dear Susie and kt, your guidance is a blessing and I'm so thankful you are a channel for good in the world. You often address parental questions around how to wisely act for future generations. But what about family situations in which the parents are financially irresponsible? Is there a financial obligation of the child towards the parent? Or is it primarily the parent towards the child? My parents have been in debt and financially irresponsible my entire life, even needing to borrow money from me in my youth. Now listen to this everyone, and think about this. I still remember at age 6, my little yet precious savings taken. I've had to in many ways raise myself and teach myself how to be responsible with money. Thirty years later, I'm now an adult and they still just want to take. So Cecilia is obviously referencing her parents. She said, I've tried to guide them, even recommending your podcast, Susie, but they cannot improve and apply any knowledge for change. So Cecilia has a problem, right, Susie? She said, our relationship has grown ever distant as they judge all my actions with a monetary mindset. Their competitive nature is incessantly sizing me up and seeing how they could benefit even if I wasn't in a position to truly able to give. They see all of my actions as having so much more than them because they are in such a place of lack. So that's a very awkward place for Cecilia to be in. So, Susie, how can I balance giving while not playing the role of the parent as your mantra starts with people first, if I don't give, I can feel guilty, and if I do give, then I feel taken advantage of and like I'm perpetuating an endless cycle. I understand there's a financial obligation parents have towards their children, having brought them into this world, but is there any reverse obligation? Or can I feel free of their expectations towards me? I especially find myself concerned as they inch closer to retirement ages and don't have much of any sufficient nest for all those years to come. Susie, thank you for your care and help. Please tell me what to do, Cecilia.

[B]

So kt, you just read that letter?

[A]

Mm.

[B]

We're not answering her questions yet. I'm curious as to how it made you personally feel. What did it bring up for you?

[A]

Wow, Susie, it made me feel so lucky, privileged, loved, cared for. It made me feel as opposite to what Cecilia has experienced throughout her life. My parents, my family, my siblings, so supportive. My parents so did without in order to take care of six children. But they were responsible, Totally responsible. But I Didn't know how much they actually gave up till I became an adult. I did not really understand that. Why? Because I think kids are young and selfish.

[B]

Right. And the reason that I asked you that, kt, is that even more than me, truthfully. Obviously, I spent a lot of money on my mother and everything, but it was a very different thing with me and my mother. You loved that you could help your.

[A]

Mother and my dad.

[B]

You wanted to help your mother and father. Now, was it your responsibility to do so, or was it your desire to do so because of how they took care of you and how responsible they were financially?

[A]

Growing up, we never any of us felt that we were responsible because they never put us in that position ever.

[B]

So then it was a joy for.

[A]

You to give them? Oh, my God. It was something that not only we looked forward to, but I worked really hard because I wanted to give them something special or thank them in a way that I knew they could never have for themselves.

[B]

And then because they were so responsible with money, as they got older and they got sick and your father had a stroke, all these things that happened, right? One of the happiest things in your life was being able to get your mommy a home, make sure she had a private aid, do all these things for her. And that was like. Because I remember the day she died, you were so thrilled that we did such a good job that she still had $60,000 left so that all the kids, not you, but could get $15,000 each immediately, because she had a will and a trust and everything.

[A]

Do you remember that feeling? Yes.

[B]

All right, Cecilia, did you just hear that? Obviously, it is a parent's responsibility, bar none, to take care of their children, nourish their children, educate their children so that they can grow up and learn how to thrive in this world of ours. It is their responsibility to do so. It seems like they did a pretty good job with you. And why is that? Because you saw by their behavior how you did not want to do that. I just want you to all put a pin in that for a second. You said something in this email that I found so fascinating, and I don't know if you remember this, kt, I have a thing with the Nine Steps to Financial Freedom, which was the best book I've ever written, bar none.

[A]

Still a great book.

[B]

And the whole book's premise to begin with is your first childhood money. Memory determines what happens to you in life. I went around and I started to ask a question. Not to 10 people, not to 50 people. Thousands of people could they ever remember Mommy or Daddy taking money from your piggy bank and not paying you back? Well, everybody, even if they're incredibly wealthy today, whatever. That one action of taking money from a piggy bank and not replacing it scarred them. But it did kt. Right. But it was that one memory that also spurred all those people to go and save money on their own and be responsible for it on their own. So even though that's a hurtful action and memory that you have, I would almost guarantee you that it is that one action, plus many after that, that has made you the successful woman you are today. So sometimes when we look in our past, you have to not dwell in the sadness of your past. You have to dwell in the happiness of who you are right now and how you feel about yourself right now. So that was for you, Cecilia.

[A]

Kt.

[B]

With that said, I just have to go back again to answer Cecilia's number one question. Is it the responsibility of a child to take care of their parents if the parents have been totally irresponsible with money and doing things with it, that's like throwing it out. Is it?

[A]

No.

[B]

There you go. I agree with that. Would it be any different if your parents were drug addicts? Because I've gone through this many times with people. They're drug addicts, they're alcoholics, they're gamblers, and they have no money, and they always want the money from the kids so they can go back to the gambling. They have nothing. Nothing. Would you give them the money then?

[A]

I would give them intervention.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I would not give them money. I'd give them intervention. Yes, but that's a responsibility.

[B]

But, Cecilia, would you feel guilty not giving them money if that money was leading to the destruction of who they are? Drugs, alcohol, gambling? I want you to seriously think about that. I think it would be a lot easier, kt, for Cecilia to go, mom, I'm not giving you the money for you to go drink yourself to death. She could rationalize that, right? It's very hard to rationalize not giving when they're just irresponsible, which means they spend money, they don't invest it, they don't take care of themselves. Do you agree with that?

[A]

Yeah, I do agree with it. That's why I'm saying, I think that Cecilia's difficulty here, Susie, is that it looks like she's the only source, she's.

[B]

The only money pit. I have a feeling she's the only child.

[A]

Yeah, I think she's the only money pit, which is why she's really in turmoil about how do I do this?

[B]

All right, so obviously you see where this is going. Cecilia, number one, we're gonna hopefully talk you off the wall of guilt. We're gonna talk you off the wa feeling that it's your responsibility. And we're going to talk to you on the wall of putting people first, then money, then things. Because the first thing I have to straighten out is this. When I say people first, I do not mean other people. I do not mean go out and take care of the world. I mean, you have got to take care of yourself. Maybe I need to change that to you first, then money, then things. But, Cecilia, the people I'm talking about in that phrase is you. So you have to put yourself before money. You have to put yourself into a situation where you feel good about every action that you take. That's number one. Number two, again, I go back to this. How many years have I been saying that you and your money are one? If you give your money away to somebody who wastes it, what you are doing is you are giving a part of yourself away to your parents, not money. That's true. That's the vehicle. But you, your money, are one. Money is a physical manifestation of who you are. So the reason that you feel so bad about this, in my opinion, is that you are disrespecting yourself. You are giving a part of yourself away, which actually hurts more than giving money. If that made sense. Did that make sense to you, kt?

[A]

Yeah, I think it does make a whole lot of sense to me, but I want the listeners to really understand what you're trying to do to help her.

[B]

All right, so now I will get to that. Hopefully we have answered the question. Parents need and must be responsible for their children, in my opinion, in KT's opinion, some of you may disagree. There is no mandate that a child is responsible for a parent who is absolutely disrespectful of money, only loves me for money, any of those things. Now, when a parent gets old, they've been respectful, they've loved you, they've honored their money, they've done everything they can. That's another story. You know, it's funny, kt, what I'm thinking of as I say this. How many parents, even if they're grandparents now, they're old and they still have their children alive, right? Say, I don't want to be a burden on my family?

[A]

Oh, many. They all do.

[B]

Think about it, everybody. Do any of you want to be a burden on your children? And I can tell you if you love your children? The answer to that is no. A lot of times I talk to people and I go, why don't you just take a little vacation? Why can't you just get a little bit newer car so it doesn't break down on you in the middle of the night or whatever it is? And I say, no, I'm saving every penny for my kids. I want my kids to have everything. Cecilia, that's how loving parents think. They don't look at their kids as a money ticket. They don't make their kids feel bad. So if you choose to give money away, you cannot feel like you are being taken advantage of them. And I'm quoting your email right now, you have to feel like you are disrespecting yourself. Did you hear what I just said, Cecilia? This isn't about. They have so much power that they could take advantage of you, so you give them money. Only you have the power to make a decision what you do with money, what you do with your life. So, number one, you have got to get this concept of they're taking advantage of you if you give them money out of your mind. What else would I tell you to do? The first thing I would tell you to do, believe it or not, is I would go see them. I would sit down with them and I would look them right in the eye and maybe you tell them to listen to this podcast or that you want to play this podcast for them. Sit with them and let them listen to this podcast. They don't want to find. No problem. You go over and you sit with them and you say, mom and Dad, I love you very much. However, I am letting you know, from this day on, I am not giving you any more money. If you need food, I'll go get food for you and give you food. But make it clear to them that the bank of Sicilia is closed. No matter what they say, no matter how bad off they get, you have to be strong enough to let them hit rock bottom. Because I have found over my 40 years of doing this, change doesn't come easy. And change normally comes, financially speaking, when the people have hit rock bottom. They have no more credit lines, they have nobody to go to to ask for money. Every avenue of that financial river has been dammed up and they are bone dry. So that's what you have to do, and you have to be strong enough to do that.

[A]

So, Susie, I agree with all of that, but I would have a slightly different approach. I would talk to my parents and I would let them know clearly that I don't feel good. I've been feeling very sad and very depressed. And they say, why, honey? Because I feel that you only want me around for my money. So therefore, I need to feel that you love me for who I am. From this day forward, I'm going to stop financing you or giving you money or bailing you out.

[B]

All right, let's role play. You're Cecilia. I'm Mom.

[A]

All right?

[B]

You came to me and you just said that. And I say that is not true. We love you for who you are. We've never loved you for your money. We've. Da, da, da, da, da. Because you have to understand, kt, parents like this are in total denial. Anyway, you come from a place because you are so sweet, so sweet. And you actually don't know anything other than love. So just remember, KT comes from a family. She has never experienced anything but love in her life. How fabulous is that right now?

[A]

I know. Very fabulous.

[B]

So go on.

[A]

That's what I'm always thankful for every day. So what I would do, Mom. All right. You're my mom, right? I'm Cecilia.

[B]

Honey, I've never felt that way about you. Why do you say that? You're wrong?

[A]

If you mean that, mom, then starting today, I don't want you to ask for money. I'm not going to give you or Daddy any more money. But I did come up with a couple ideas for you to help you when you get in those jams or to make ends meet. I think that you can do a couple of things to make money or to find money other than calling me for it. One is what?

[B]

Like what, Cecilia? Look at this house. I have nothing here. Look at everything around me.

[A]

Mom, you have a lot of things. And you can sell things you don't use or need anymore.

[B]

Now, who would want to buy this junk?

[A]

Well, a lot of people. You have a yard sale and you give it a shot, you can probably make about $50, $100, who knows? But start with that moment. Second, you may want to downsize and live in a smaller, more affordable place. And then there's the jobs. There's always part time work and jobs and opportunities that you can do on the side to try to make those ends meet. The only thing, mom and dad, that I'm absolutely always going to be there for you is to make sure that you're eating healthy. And I can always assist you in providing a hot meal or maybe even come and cook for you once a month.

[B]

Kt, that was actually great. But Cecilia, did you see how that went? Don't go in there when you sit down expecting that your mother and father are going. A first time in your life understand anything that you are saying.

[A]

Yeah, they won't embrace you with love. They're going to probably get really mad.

[B]

But here is the so be ready. Here is why I want you to do it. You aren't doing this for them. You are doing this for yourself. You are doing this so that you can be clear that you have set boundaries. You've said what you wanted to say. That's that you do it for yourself. If they hear you, fine. If they don't hear you, fine. All that matters is you have a voice and you said it. Remember? I've said your voice is your power. And you need to switch from guilty to not guilty. You need to switch from feeling taken advantage of to knowing you're not being taken advantage of. You cannot give out a guilt. If you give out a guilt guilt, then you have totally disrespected yourself as well. So you are going to have to become far stronger than you have ever been. And why do I say that? You have given to them out of weakness, not strength. You have given to them out of the wrong reasons because it's easier to give than to say no. You now have to say no out of love for yourself versus yes, out of fear that they're not going to like you. They're not going to do this. Oh, please, look at your relationship already. That would be our advice to you. Our advice where you stand in the truth of your own self respect, your own love and your own thankfulness for giving yourself a life where you are financially pretty much independent. You are doing things exactly how you want in your own life. And be thankful as well that you have parents like that because that's what you have. So you might as well be thankful because look at the gifts they gave you and the gifts that they gave you are gifts of self independence. So that brings us to the end of this Susie and KT conversation. Did you enjoy that, kt?

[A]

I did, but it's a little depressing.

[B]

It's not depressing. It actually.

[A]

It's actually liberating, isn't it?

[B]

It's liberating, but it's standing in your truth. And I have to tell you, kt, this is not just one person having this problem. No, there's probably hundreds of thousands of people out there, maybe millions. Which is why I chose it for today. Because I know that more of you will relate to this than less of you, believe it or not. So therefore, people first. And remember when I say that I mean you. Then what, kt, then money, then things. And if you do that, stay healthy, stay safe. We promise you, you will be unstoppable. Hi everybody, Suzy O here and it's open enrollment time at all corporations. So I hope you are checking all of your benefits so that you know you are up to date with what you need. But I have to tell all of you there is one other benefit that I know all of you need and your corporations need to offer and it comes from a company that I helped co found over five years ago by the name of Secure Save. So whether you're an employee or an employer, I want you to go to securesave.com Suzy S U Z E and take a look at what I have for you there. I promise you you're gonna like it.

[C]

All right now, neither Suze Orman Media nor Suze Orman is acting as a Certified Financial Planner Advisor, a Certified Financial Analyst, an economist, cpa, accountant or lawyer. Neither Suze Orman Media nor Suze Orman make any recommendations as to any specific securities or investments. All content contained in this podcast is for informational and general purposes only and does not constitute financial accounting or legal advice. You should consult your own tax, legal and financial advisors regarding your particular situation. Neither Susie Orman Media nor Suze Orman accepts any responsibility for any losses which may arise from accessing or reliance on information in this podcast and to the fullest extent permitted by law, we exclude all liability for loss damages, direct or indirect, arising from the use of this information. The must have documents discussed in this podcast are legal documents created by a lawyer and distributed by Hay House. Thanks for listening.