Tales from the Stinky Dragon – [Tavern Tales] Mealwalkers and the Crystal Shards

Episode 00: Shuffle Off this Portal Coil
Release: December 3, 2025
Dungeon Master: Micah Risinger
Players: Barbara Dunkelman, Chris Damaris, Ben Ernst, Blaine Gibson

Episode Overview

This “Tavern Tales” session introduces the new campaign arc, Mealwalkers and the Crystal Shards, as the Stinky Dragon crew embarks on a comedic, old-school RPG adventure using the classless system Knave instead of standard D&D. The episode is a character creation and session zero, filled with banter, dice rolls, collaborative worldbuilding, and establishing party dynamics—all with the trademark zany, lighthearted tone. The group builds their adventurers, forms the party "The Creepy Gerd Crew," and steps through a mysterious portal, setting up the campaign's premise.

Character Creation Chaos (01:27–41:30)

DM Sets the Table (01:27–03:00)

• Micah Risinger (DM) welcomes players to a shorter, “smellier” story at the Stinky Dragon, running an adventure in Knave, an old-school RPG system.
• Immediately gets meta with an “arrow” question: What quality should every adventurer have?
  • Memorable Moment:
    Micah: "For this episode, I whip up my... [shield and I catch it]. Nice. Very, very good. You gain two cool points." (02:12)

What Every Adventurer Needs (03:00–07:16)

• Barbara (Fox): Ingenuity — "Just trying to figure out solutions to problems in a creative way... makes it a little bit more fun as well." (03:04)

• Chris (Odell): Ability to ignore bodily needs — "Very few times do we stop down... in real life, we do it all the time. In the game, we very rarely stop to go take potty breaks." (04:22)

• Ben (Dennis): Improvisation — "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face... improvisation is funny, so you need that on a little adventure." (05:28)

• Blaine (Mew): "A spine" — "Not like the skeletal spine, but, like, strength in character... clarity of vision." (06:08)

Rolling Up Knave Characters (07:16–41:30)

Ability Scores (07:16–10:12)

• Players assign (or randomly roll) ability points among Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma.
• Notable Quote:
  Micah: "I love the randomness of making a character sometimes." (09:33)

Careers - Dual Wielding Jobs (10:12–12:16)

• Players roll for two careers from a d100 list, combining medieval professions for quirky backstories.
  • Chris: Pit Fighter/Baker
  • Ben: Watchman/Hermit
  • Barbara: Hunter/Sculptor
  • Blaine: Cutpurse/Investigator
• Joke about modern economic realities:
  Ben: "You need two jobs to get by." (11:32)

Starting Gear & Inventory Tetris (13:00–40:00)

• Players roll for coins, choose weapons/armor, juggle inventory slots (max 10 + Constitution).
• Advice and banter about strategizing vs. rolling randomly.
  • Barbara: "I don't think I need my sculptor calipers, personally." (19:43)
• Lively debate on item slots, free gear, and whether torches count as one or two slots. Jokes about Chris’s item hoarding from past campaigns.

Names, Personalities, and Party Formation (41:00–41:30)

• Everyone rolls on random tables: names, personalities, quirks.
  • Barbara: Fox Claude Fell ("Chummy")
  • Blaine: Mew Dreghope ("Nerd with wavy hair")
  • Ben: Dennis Weatherland ("Tall admiral type, 'the money is most important thing'")
  • Chris: Odell Longunder ("13-year-old pit fighter apron-wearing baker")
• The team christens themselves “The Creepy Gerd Crew,” after a random table result and much gastrointestinal wordplay.
  • Party Sigil: Coiled, slimy rope (intestines) spelling out "CGC" (37:40)

Rule Rundown and Game System Differences (38:00–41:30)

• Knave relies heavily on inventory management (losing item slots equals wounds).
• “Side-based” initiative—charisma-based group rolls decide if party or enemies act first.
• Each Intelligence point grants a spellbook and random spell.
  • Spells rolled: "Command," "Babble," and "Sniff" (detects scents up to 120 ft).

The Tale Begins: Gauntlandia and the Portal (43:07–82:13)

Setting the Scene (43:07–44:30)

• The party, “Creepy Gerd Crew,” is introduced as renowned heroes in the realm of Gauntlandia.
• Setting is colored by player suggestions:
  • Realm blanketed in "weird snow"
  • Legendary "War of the Small Bears"
  • Evil tomatoes and an animated sorcerer, Malastar.

A Heroic Finale... or Prologue? (45:09–55:43)

• In what feels like the end of a campaign, the crew defeats the evil Malastar (floating, skull-hatted, tomato-minion-summoning villain).
• Players, using their souped-up "level 99" stats, describe dramatic, over-the-top attacks:
  • Fox (Barbara) crits, stabs/blinds Malastar. (46:00–47:19)
  • Mew (Blaine) throws caltrops, causing slapstick pain. (48:47–50:14)
  • Dennis (Ben) blasts animated tomatoes with a trumpet. (51:13–52:28)
  • Odell (Chris) shoves acid tomato juice into Malastar’s wounds:
    Odell: "I just take [a slice of tomato] and shove it deep into Malastar’s wounds." (54:04)
• Malastar curses the heroes ("the game is far from over") and vanishes in a wisp of shadow.

Feast, Flashbacks & The Hook (60:01–68:41)

• Heroes return home to a celebratory feast—turkey legs, tomato pies (“Are you sure there’s no blood in this?”), and orange juice to fight scurvy.
• Squire, their hobo courtier with a “big warty nose,” rides in wounded on a giant hamster, delivering the plot hooks:
  • The party’s mentor, the Wizard, is missing—abducted in a realm of “Mealwalkers” wielding magic crystal shards.
  • Squire, cursed and dying (“it’s too late for him!”), tasks the party with: rescuing the Wizard, collecting crystal shards, finding Squire’s cure, and exacting vengeance.
  • Barbara: "Just shove [a tampon] up your nose. That should stop the bleeding." (68:33)

Mounts, Maps, Preparations (69:44–71:25)

• Each player chooses an appropriately silly fantasy mount:
  • Odell: Whiskers the hamster (the runt, who loves to help cook)
  • Mew: Pantera the panther
  • Fox: Waddles the giant boar
  • Dennis: Little Archibald the fat, tiny-leggèd pony (“biggest, smallest, shortest steed”)

Into the Portal: The Mealwalker Mystery (72:00–82:35)

The Portal in the Rainbow-Web Cavern (72:00–81:07)

• The crew follow a blood-and-flour-marked path into a dark, spiderweb-strewn cave.
  • Fox slices rainbow spiderwebs with her trident.
  • Mew uses “Sniff” spell, detecting “no enemies, smell of metal, and two vertical lines up ahead” (trap? portal?).
  • Odell tosses flour to reveal two sets of footprints (Squire and Wizard).
  • Dennis: “You find a spider, you burn it all down and start over. That’s how I lost my ship.” (73:41)
  • Everyone jokes Squire is probably already dead.
• Following the footprints, Dennis steps through glowing lines and vanishes—others follow.

Cliffhanger (81:07–82:35)

• All four are “enveloped in red flashing lights, cacophony of sounds,” and slam into something hard—ending the episode with a classic portal-jump cliffhanger:
  • DM: “And we’ll have to find out in the next episode.” (82:36)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Barbara (Fox): "Improvisation is funny, so you need that on a little adventure." (05:28)
• Ben: "Everybody has a plan till they get punched in the face." (05:28)
• Chris: "Very few times do we stop down to go take potty breaks." (04:22)
• Group Banter: The “Creepy Gerd Crew” sigil is “coiled, slimy rope” aka intestines.
• Odell: “Only by winning the hearts of the crowd may I win my freedom and be reunited with my family once again.” (65:16)
• Squire’s Last Words: "Find the wizard, cure me if you can, collect crystal shards, slay the Mealwalkers, and avenge me... now I’ll rest here." (67:41–68:33)
• Dennis: "You find a spider, you burn it all down and start over. That's how I lost my ship." (73:41)
• Blaine: (on Squire’s nose) "I know they usually say your foot size matches your nose size." (79:28)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:27–07:16 – Introduction, player qualities, party banter
• 07:16–41:30 – Character/Career/Item/Spell Creation
• 37:40–41:30 – Party naming, sigil creation
• 43:07–44:30 – Gauntlandia & campaign set-up
• 45:09–55:43 – “Final battle” with Malastar (power fantasy prologue)
• 60:01–68:41 – Return to base, quest hook, Squire’s plea
• 69:44–71:25 – Mount selection, setting out
• 72:00–81:07 – The cave, “sniff” spell, discovering portal
• 81:07–82:35 – Portal jump, cliffhanger

Episode Tone & Style

• Language/Tone: Whimsical, collaborative, quick-witted, full of in-jokes and self-aware jabs at RPG tropes (inventory management, strange items, random names).
• Energy: High and welcoming, with the hosts making the game accessible to listeners new to both D&D and Knave.
• Comedic Highlights: Party joking about twins, foot/nose size, the infinite rolling of the same dice, Squire's “big schnoz,” and the party's gross-out sigil.

For New Listeners

This episode is a warm, hilarious window into the world of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It’s a perfect entry point: you’ll meet the party, see the creative process behind character-building, and enter a story that promises both absurd comedy and surprising adventure. Episode 00 sets the mood, lays the groundwork, and leaves listeners ready to dive through the portal with the Creepy Gerd Crew!

Don't miss Episode 01 for the continuation of the adventure as the Crew meets the mysterious Mealwalkers!