← Talking Toddlers
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Your child has to fail at academics before they'll test. Meanwhile, your child is struggling and feels broken. Not because he is. I don't ever want to say that. But it's because the world is asking him to use skills that were never fully supported and developed. They're just not online yet. And because of neuroplasticity and the way that we now understand how the brain can structure itself and strengthen things, given the right opportunities and practice, we don't have to.
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Hello, and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where.
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I share more than just tips and.
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Tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that, but here, our goal is to develop clarity, because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction.
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To.
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To never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind. He's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started.
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If you're looking at your child and thinking, should I be worried about his speech? I want you to hear this from me. You're not imagining it. You're not overreacting. And honestly, you're asking the right question. Because I hear this all the time. He has a few words, but not very many. She understands everything. She just won't talk. He used to say words, but now he doesn't. Or this one. Everyone keeps telling me he'll outgrow it, but there's something in my heart, in my gut, that says no, there's got to be more. Here's the truth. I can tell the difference between a true late talker and a child with deeper communication problems. That part is clear. However, what no one can predict or determine. Not me, not a pediatrician, not any test, a psychologist, or even a school. We cannot determine which of the late talkers will catch up on their own and which ones won't. And that's why the whole wait and see approach is a risky plan. And now, I assure you, you don't have to panic. You don't have to rush out tomorrow and get an evaluation. But you do need to take action in your daily routine, in your daily life, because whatever you're doing right now is simply not enough for your child to move forward. Otherwise, this uncomfortableness would not be so high and prevalent. I have worked both inside the system and outside for nearly 40 years. I'm not pushing any kind of speech, language therapy program. I'm offering a lifestyle shift grounded in developmental science, parent presence, and the power of prevention, because that's what actually changes your toddler's trajectory. That moves the needle. So today I'm going to show you the real signs that matter, the difference between just a late talker and some early red flags that parents rarely understand and most professionals overlook. So stay with me. By the end of this episode, you'll know exactly what to watch for and what you can do starting today. Plus, stay with me all the way to the end. I have something special that will help you encourage as you move forward into the new year. Before we dive in, let me welcome you to Talking Toddlers. I'm Erin. As I said, I've been in this industry for 40 years, and I've worked in private practice, early intervention classrooms inside real homes and playgrounds, helping families make sense of their child' development. But typically I was called when worry was already up front and center, when something already felt off and parents and educators both needed answers. But now my mission is simple, to help parents understand all of this before the concern begins to rise. If you're here, it's because you care deeply about your child and want to honor that. Today isn't about fears or labels or rushing into therapy. It's about understanding what's actually happening underneath the surface so then you can take clear, confident steps in the right direction. So let's break this down together. What does a true late talker look like? What signs tell us there's something else going on? And how do you support your child right now in your life without falling into that trap of wait and see or feeling like they're failure and you're helpless? Because here's the truth. The term late talker gets thrown around a lot casually by parents, yes, but also by professionals. Pediatricians seem to really use it loosely. Early intervention teams use it inconsistently. Educators use it as a placeholder because they don't know what else to do and their caseloads are too full. Therapists and psychologists often collapse everything into one big bucket and label it late talker. No wonder you as the parents are confused, because the people inside the systems who are supposed to help you and guide you, they're confused, too. So let's clear this up, because like I said, I've been doing this a long time. A true late talker is a child who looks like this, engages socially, understands language well for his or her age, uses gestures, plays with purpose, imitates, has stable motor skills and progress across the board, has no sensory red flags and shows developmentally typical learning patterns. There are no big dis or incongruent parts of his or her growth pattern.
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What a late talker is not, is not someone who's shy or he's not just being a boy. It's not just part of their personality. A late talker isn't a busy toddler, energy just, you know, flailing around. It's not a preference for movement or it's not even, oh, she'll talk when she's ready.
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And the piece that I want to really take home today is this matters because when you look at speech and language and communication and understanding and human connection, these are not interchangeable terms. But unfortunately, our culture blends them all together. The professionals blend them together for sure. And once again, you, the parents, are left trying to decode this mixed message and all these blurry lines. So today, my goal is to unblurry them for you. This is where my decades of real world practice comes in, and I want to share it with you before the concerns skyrocket and before you start feeling like, what the heck have I gotten myself into? Because mom, dad, and grandparents, those are my primary audience. You can determine early and sometimes shockingly early, whether your child is or is not on a healthy developmental trajectory. And you can determine if they're just a true late talker and need different kind of support, if they're showing early signs of a language disorder or a language delay, or if they're showing signs of early communication disorders. And so let me lay this out for you. When I say a language delay or a language disorder, I'm talking about what we used to call specific language impairment, sli. And that means that a child struggles to understand language and also has difficulty expressing themselves or both. So they can have understanding or receptive problems and expressive and verbal problems in isolation, or they can have a little bit of both or a lot of bit of both. That's what we used to call sli, Specific Language impairment. These children really do want to communicate, and they're trying to communicate, but the system in which words are built underneath are developing more slowly. So everything else is in developmental progress. But there's speech and language. So you can kind of think of it as the soil underneath is not getting the nutrients for. For talking. That's when I say that they have a speech and language processing difficulty or disorder. When I say communication, I'm referring to something that's a little bit more global, where multiple areas of development are involved. You might see differences in social Engagement, gesture, play, attention, even sensory processing. These children need a different kind of support because the foundations underneath language and, and the other processing systems are not wiring the way that we expect. And typically because of those, those leak or weak connections, higher order language is, takes a backseat because they're, they're struggling just in their day to day life. These distinctions between a speech and language problem and a communication difficulty matter because a child who's simply late to use words is very different from a child who's struggling to build the systems underneath.
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Before we move on, I want to remind you if conversations like this stir something in you, if you find yourself wanting just a little bit more clarity or context. And every Thursday I share a private follow up episode inside Talking Toddlers. That's my email subscriber audio feed. That's where I take one idea from this week's episode and go just a bit deeper. More personal, more reflective, more behind the scenes of my 35 years on the floor with little ones. It's a quieter space where I support families who want to be proactive, not just reactive. And in 2026 that inside community will start receiving a few special opportunities that I've been working on. So if you want to stay close, inside is where you want to be. Make sure you're on that list. The link is down below.
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So let's look at it in more simple terms. A language delay means the words are slow and words make up sentences. So when words are slow, sentences are slow. And then language can't grow the way it could or should, right? Both expressive and or receptive. But a communication disorder means the systems beneath those words. Social engagement, imitation, gestures, play, attention and sensory are developing differently. So it's really important that we have that distinction as we're looking at your child. So in those cases, in the latter group, it's not just the words that need the support, it's the whole foundation. And so that's why it's really important to really sit back sometimes and just watch your child in his or her day life, right? Gather information so you want to take a close look at what are their play patterns? What are their imitation? Do they have joint attention? Do they share things with you? What are their gestures like, their communication skills, can they follow simple directions? Social engagement, are they interested even if they can't tolerate sharing or turn taking, that's age appropriate. But are they eager to try to learn that? What's their vocal play like? And looking at their motor and sensory integration, are they tolerating different environments and getting better in those.
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And here's my truth, after 35 plus years, I can tell the difference with very high accuracy between late but typical and late with underlying issues. And that's the distinction. And I want you to feel empowered by this, not scared, but to understand these two camps. My role here is to help guide you through understanding your child wherever they are on this journey and meet them exactly where they are.
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Now, here's the part that most people don't want to hear out loud.
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Even with a true late talker, a bright, engaged, connected toddler who's just not using language yet no one can predict, like I said, who will catch up on their own and who won't. And here are some of the facts. The old statistic that I probably said for 25 of those years is that, oh, about 70% will catch up on their own, meaning that 30% won't. And so now we look at one, that 70% is closer to 60%. So closer to 60% of the kids will catch up on their own, meaning 40% will not. And second, catch up on their own is kind of a glossary phrase, meaning that they'll catch up socially or they'll have enough ability to hold their own as they enter kindergarten independently. And all that measure is that they don't need outside support yet. But what decades of years and study have told us is that the foundation is still pretty vulnerable.
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And this is where I keep coming back and I really stand firmly in this belief and knowledge. Many of those so called kids who caught up, they struggle later on with the higher order language, reading, writing, spelling, attention processing. So they look like they've pulled it together and caught up by five or six years of age. But why is it that now when they're in first grade, second grade, third grade, they're struggling? It's because weak early speech and language often then results in weak literacy.
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And literacy is what academics are, right? If you can't read and write, then academics is going to be challenging. And that's what the pattern is. The hard truth about all of this, and I've seen this over and over and over again, score schools don't really understand how these two parts are related.
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And they just simply, they don't mislabel it, but they just use different terms. I always looked at it as a semantic game because they tend to then shift the focus. Where I looked at children's verbal communication because that lays the foundation to all learning.
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But.
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And so, you know, between birth and five, you would then label them or identify them as speech Delay. But by second or third grade, like I said, your child isn't doing well, right? They can't read on grade level, they can't write on grade level. Those two things go hand in hand. They feel lost, they're beginning to hate school. And the label now becomes a learning disorder or dyslexia or processing deficit problem, or worse yet, adhd. So parents, you're kind of told, oh, well, it just showed up. We didn't know. No one could have predicted this. But this is how the system really works.
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Your child.
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Has to fail at academics before they'll test.
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Meanwhile, your child is struggling and feels broken, right? Not because he is, I don't ever want to say that, but it's because the world is asking him to use skills that were never fully supported and developed, right? They're just not online yet. And because of neuroplasticity and the way that we now understand how the brain can structure itself and strengthen things, given the right opportunities and practice, we don't have to pigeonhole them, we don't have to put them in a box. But unfortunately, by second or third grade, he or she starts to believe I'm slow, I'm not smart enough, I was just born this way. None of that is true, I assure you what is true.
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This was never a brand new academic problem. It's not a learning problem per se. It affects academics, it affects learning. Because what do we need in order to hone those skills?
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Strong speech and language skills from toddlerhood, where you're sitting right now looking at your child, acquiring words and following directions and understanding subtle nuances and the social games. That's where it all starts. How the brain is wiring itself to use language to learn within any environment. At home, on the playground, at school.
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And there are always underlying causes or underlying reasons for these behaviors. I believe there are no coincidences.
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So what, you can control.
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The environment, right? Your lifestyle choices, your daily habits, your intentionality and your presence, those things are all in your control. And most importantly is your relationship. How do you build this relationship with your little one? Because relationships are where it all happens, right? That's. Language grows with a connection with other humans. Confidence grows with that connection, right? Regulation of our body and how we move in this world grows in that connection. And those experiences.
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And learning becomes possible inside the safety of your relationship and relationships at home.
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So let's get a little practical now. There are areas that actually matter. What I'm going to do is outline areas that truly matter that you can really zone in on. I Don't want you to feel like you look at your neighbor who is acquiring new three syllable words or little Suzy up the street that you have watched grow, just acquired 45 new words. I don't want you to compare that. What I want you to do is look at these six areas that I'm just going to outline and use this information as a check sheet, as a framework, as.
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A recipe. Right? Okay. So number one, let's look at these six areas that do really matter. Where is your toddler in understanding? How well does he follow directions, respond to his name, Understand routines, points to pictures when you ask, comprehend simple concepts. Number two, gestures. I talk a lot about gestures here because they are meaningful. We need 16 gestures at least by 16 months. We need a variety. We need them to do it on purpose. It's a huge predictor of speech and language success. Number three, imitation. We need him or her to imitate actions and sounds, words, your facial expressions. Play sequences, they learn at least in the very beginning, but throughout their life, our life, we learn a lot by imitating others.
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Number four, play. Let's look at this just a little bit more deeply, but functional play and I, and we toss these terms around. So I want to clarify this for you. Functional play means that your child uses a toy or an object for its intended real life purpose. Such as rolling a ball or pushing a car toy. Right. Or feeding a baby doll. That's functional play. They use the object or toy on purpose. Pretend play is when they use their imagination to act out different scenarios. And they can be very, very simple. But it's not full blown imaginary play where they put on, you know, acts, but they do take on roles and they use objects for different purposes. They're becoming a little bit more creative and imaginary. Right. What if kinds of things and it can involved mimicking real life events like let's pretend that we're going to run to the store or host a tea party or, or even play act something that they've seen in a book. Right. So we, we also want them in their play at this stage at 2 and 3, using objects meaningfully that they don't just, you know, spin the wheels on a truck or collect sticks. We also want that they're beginning to understand how sequences work and how there's a beginning, middle and an end to perhaps setting the table and having lunch and then cleaning up, to brushing your tissue, brushing your teeth. Right. Or taking a bath. There are steps involved and they have to go in a specific order. We also recognize that they really want to share moments with you. And that it's. And so sometimes parents are surprised when they're like, oh, he's so quiet. He just plays over there all by himself. Some of that is great, but we also want them to connect with us. Okay, so number five that you can look at in this list is that social engagement, social connection, eye contact, reciprocity, shared enjoyment, and then joint. When I point and look at the. The big balloon or the big airplane or the big tower, whatever, they're in it with me. And then number six is really a lot of vocal play. And I have taught parents over and over again. You want noisy babies, you want talkative toddlers. We want to hear a lot of babbling, a lot of different consonants. We want word attempts that are going to be very misarticulated and misunderstood, but we want them to attempt, and we always want to encourage that. And then we want a lot of sound experimentation. We want a lot of differences going on. Those are the six key areas that I want you to look at your child with. Now let's walk through some of the red flags. And I just want you to be aware of these. We're not going to zone in, but I want you to be aware so you can start to see how these two groups of kids rest. Right. So some of the red flags are weak imitation, lack of gestures.
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Limited different consonant sounds and vowels. But we want to hear different consonants.
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They lose words. That's a big one nowadays, which is used to be incredibly rare. Poor comprehension.
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A flat affect, meaning that they're engaged, they'll follow you, they'll do stuff, but they're not really in it. You don't feel the warmth when they're with you. And there's limited to no pretend play. And then you can also identify when there's avoidance instead of curiosity. Right. That they do the repetitive play with their two or three items, but they don't. They're not interested in building upon that. And then the final area of this red flag list is really sensory issues. And I want to take a moment just to clarify or highlight this particular area, because I think now in 2020-2025, we're hearing a lot about sensory problems. And to be honest and respectful, because we're talking about your sweet children and all the children of the world. Right? But I want to be sensitive to this. This is new.
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Sensory processing problems are new in everyday nomenclature. When I was a child, it wasn't common. When I started my practice in the late 80s and into the 90s, 1990s the numbers began to climb, and we all noticed it. That was when I worked side by side with sensory integration therapists, right? Occupational therapists who became specialized. And then by early 2000s, it was undeniable. It was a huge category of kids. The school systems pushed back and really kept saying, there's no such thing as sensory processing problems.
- [30:06]
For decades, if a child was unusually sensitive to lights or sounds or crowds or textures, that was a signal that was telling us something. It meant that something in their developmental process wasn't integrating. Hence the name sensory processing integration. That was a whole specialty. So it wasn't integrating the way we expect. And that's what we do. We study normal, typical, healthy development.
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But somewhere along the lines, in these 30 plus years, we started treating these signs as if they're just part of normal childhood. That, you know, oh, he's sensitive. Ah, that's who he is or she is.
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And honestly, I don't think we should be accepting that so casually.
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Because I think it raises an important question.
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Is something about our modern environment overwhelming these little nervous systems and you know that your child is under construction? Or is your child simply becoming. Or are all children simply becoming more fragile?
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Here's what we do understand.
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Yes, in many ways, today's children are more fragile. We know this. And it's not because, mom, you are doing anything wrong, per se, but because the load mothers carry has changed. We have decades of research now showing that a mother's stress, her emotional support, her nutrient reserves, her toxin exposures, even her sleep, all of that shape the nervous system that's growing inside of her during pregnancy. So babies are entering the world with less margin in their sensory systems and their regulatory systems.
- [32:23]
That often shows up later as these kids with sensory sensitivities or big emotions or feeding challenges or speech and language problems.
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This isn't a reason for you to panic. It's a signal. I'm highlighting it for you so you better understand and know how to meet your child where he or she are sitting today. It's a cue to slow down, to get curious, to ask more questions, and to make some intentional shifts at home. All of them that are in your control, not because something is wrong with your child, but because their nervous system is asking for support.
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And the earlier we respond, the easier it is to get them back on track. That's why early intervention has so much possibility. Well, we don't have to go into the therapy world. I want to give you the tools and the knowledge and the know how to meet them where they are. When they're 1 and 2 and 3 and avoid all of that.
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So I know this list is long and you're probably driving or doing dishes or going for a walk, hopefully outside folding laundry, whatever is on your list. So I made a simple one page checklist just for you, nothing fancy, just so you can look at what are some of the signs that I can watch for that I can just keep in the back of my mind. And. And you can get that down below in the description. So now I must explain why the whole wait and see doesn't work at all. And it could have 20, 25 years ago, when we were just trying to figure out.
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The late talker from the kids who had more significant communication problems. But development, as you probably know by now, doesn't improve by waiting. It improves through life experiences. Talking doesn't just show up one day, even though people say it does. It never does. It grows from daily experiences that are building underneath. Right? That human connection, play, movement, indoor outdoor interaction, modeling, watching you, as well as sleep and nutrition and healthy routines. So if nothing changes in your child's day, nothing will change in their development. So if you're seeing some gaps.
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Let me say that again. If nothing changes in your child's day, nothing will change in their development.
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This is why I say don't wait. Not for the evaluation, not for a label. That can take weeks or months if you need to go down that route. But you do have choices. Today you can start giving your child experiences that support and build speech and language through everyday activities with you at home, with the people that love him the most and understand him the most and have the most patience. And if he or she ultimately needs outside services or therapy, right. You've already gotten the ball rolling because therapy can help. Yes, I was in that world for a long time, but it's not a magic bullet. In my most successful cases were always the ones that the mom and the dad and the parents and the family and the extended family jumped in with both feet and said, let's do this together.
- [36:34]
Because therapy will never replace what your child learns at home through you, ever. And that means, I think, something incredibly hopeful that you can really sink your teeth in. You don't have to wait for anything or anybody to begin moving the needle and helping him lean toward the track that is the most healthiest. There are simple, powerful things that you can do today, and I talk about a lot of them on this podcast, but it can make a real difference. And I have said this for 35 plus years.
- [37:18]
We'll go deeper in future episodes. But here's your simple starting point, right for today. You can also dive in other episodes. But today, here are three main categories. First, one is to be present to decrease the distraction in your day. To get on the floor with him, to share eye contact, to be with it with him, or to be in it with him. And follow your child's lead, whatever they're interested in. Don't force them to do puzzles if he really wants to color.
- [37:57]
Also, number two, be purposeful. And that means understand what your modeling means, that they're imitating you to make comments when you see them trying something. Not good job as much as, wow, that was tough. And you climbed up there all by yourself.
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And then narrate, turn on the water, dry your hands, open the drawer, and then pause. Do they follow the narration and slow down? So being purposeful doesn't mean that you pull out drill sheets or books or apps, God forbid. But you're in it with them and you're using simple concrete language to pull them in.
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And then the third is to be playful, right? Imitate their, their silly movements, take turns, pretend, get on the floor with them like I said, move, climb, explore, explore. Build sensory systems that then can build the motor planning. And that is what supports language and talking pathways, listening and understanding. We need the, the motor skills strong and in sync.
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This is the lifestyle. It's not the flashcards or the apps or the drills. It's really these three P's to be present and purposeful and playful.
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So before we wrap up, I want to recognize that this episode will be released just as we're coming upon the big holidays. And it's a very beautiful season, I absolutely love it. But it's also very, very busy. So if this conversation has stirred something in you, if you feel that nudge and you're thinking, hmm, I think I need to understand what's really going on. I need to know more. I want to tell you about something new that I'm offering starting this week. So after 35 plus years in the clinics and the classrooms and the homes, I see this really clearly. Not every child needs therapy, but I believe every parent could benefit from more clarity. So beginning in 2026, I'm excited to be opening one to one parent coaching programs. So I can help you build that clarity with ease and comfort. Then you can confidently lead your child reshape your daily routines and build what I refer to as a language rich home that truly supports healthy development.
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So each week I'm opening a small number of free discovery calls. So you might be wondering, what the heck is a discovery call? Well, it's a call between you and me that's focused and honest about where your child is looking at the foundations, where their words are, where their attention and their play, their gestures, their connection. And we talk about what you're seeing at home from there. After the discovery call, we'll decide together whether parent coaching is the next right step for you. There's no pressure, there's no commitment, there's no diagnosis. Don't get that wrong. It's just a conversation to find some clarity and direction. Before the call, you'll get a simple three question survey. So then I have some background information and we can use our 20 minute time for purpose and direction. I'll only be taking a few calls each week and my office is closed between Christmas and New Year's, so the December spots will be limited. I will reopen in early January, but those dates aren't confirmed yet. So if your heart is saying to you, hmm, I wanna start 2026 with a plan. Go ahead and schedule your discovery call now and then enjoy the holidays, knowing clarity is coming just around the corner. And I want to say something that may land close to home for many of you. Maybe your child is behind. Maybe you feel you're behind too. Or maybe everything is solid and you're in a good place. Either way, hear me, Mom. There is purpose in this moment. I believe there are no coincidences. You're listening for a reason. You and I, we've crossed paths, but for a reason. I believe God's timing is always perfect, even when it feels uncomfortable and even when we don't understand the why yet.
- [43:30]
Your child doesn't need you to know everything. He needs your presence, your heart, and your willingness to take the next step with intention. And I'm here to walk that with you. So let's steward these early years with wisdom and courage and purpose together. Let's honor God's design and watch your toddler blossom. I'm excited about 2026, so take care, God bless and I'll see you in the next talking toddlers.