← Talking Toddlers
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You set the tone, just state it clearly and kindly, and they'll follow suit. But the key is to be consistent. Because when kids test us, test those boundaries, those guardrails, they're supposed to test them, right? They push against. They want to know on a subconscious level that you, that we, the parents, the grown up in charge. Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that, but here our goal is to develop clarity, because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction today, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. What if the hardest decision you make today is the one that your child thanks you for 10 years from now? That's the power of boundaries, especially when it comes to screen time. In these early years, in part one, we zoomed out to look at the big picture. How today's culture of kids were glued to their tablets, parents were glued to the phones, and our families are drifting apart. I believe that is reshaping childhood at the core. So we looked at some of the research that is beginning to shine the light on the long term effects. I referenced Jonathan Haidt's book the Anxious Generation because I believe that that's beginning to sound the alarm. Yes, screens feel like a lifeline, especially in the chaos of raising little ones. But we have to pause and ask ourselves, at what cost? So today we get more practical. What do healthy screen time boundaries actually look like? How do we say no when everyone else seems to be saying yes? And what's realistic when you're home all day with your toddler? Let's look at boundaries. Let's talk about courage. Let's talk about what's truly possible in your home, even when it feels like you're the only one stepping up and pushing. Because here's the honest truth, it is hard. Screens are everywhere. And on some days, especially when you're exhausted and tapped out, they feel like a lifeline. I get it. But as a practicing early interventionist, a speech language pathologist with over 35 years, and as a mother, I'm going to say something that might feel very uncomfortable. Handing your toddler a screen by default isn't a neutral choice. And holding a higher standard doesn't make you weird or out of touch. I believe it makes you wise. I believe it makes you strong and courageous. There is a principle that I strive to live by. It states hard now, easier later. Easy now makes it much harder later. Right? It's an ancient wisdom. I'm not sure really where that statement came from, but we see that principle in personal growth and business, fitness, finance, and of course in parenting. If we are willing to do hard things now, that will make life easier in the future. But the tricky part is we have to choose intentionally. Think about it. Saving money gets us financially stronger in the future. Skipping snacks makes us physically healthier in the future. Going to bed at 9pm instead of midnight makes us a happier, more functional, more capable individual. During daylight hours, lifting weights so you can carry your kid up the hill, or carry the groceries, or reach up on the top shelf and climb up and down a ladder. They all make sense. Pay up front, put in the work. Choose hard now and your life will be richer and deeper and more meaningful and healthier later on. Yes, we can let screens fill the gaps when your baby's teeth are coming in, or when the laundry seems to be overflowing, or you just desperately need 10 minutes to breathe. But those 10 minutes often grow into something else. Shorter attention spans, big meltdowns when the screens do turn off, sleep disruptions, speech and language delays, sensory processing, dysregulation. This is not a fear based parenting talk here. I want you to be informed. I want you to make informed decisions. I've been thinking about this topic for a very, very long time and truth is, long before screen time became a buzzword or a battle in parenting. And I assure you I want to acknowledge something right up front. This is a very sensitive, prickly subject because screens aren't just part of your kids lives, they're woven into each and every one of our lives. No matter what age you are. I'm talking about how do we navigate this with babies and toddlers and preschoolers and even elementary school. But today we're going to zone in on those first three, maybe four years. Today's parent, you, mama. You are the first generation to grow up with computers, video games, the Internet, iPads and smartphones. I had none of that. I got my first computer in 1990 post graduate school. I didn't get my first home like email and understanding what a website was until 1995 1996. So I know it's incredibly hard for you to even imagine what your mama's generation was. Where the TV actually sat in the corner turned off for 23 hours of the day. Right. We just turned it on for that one show. And I know that you can't even imagine that we had to go to the library to look up things. We didn't have a voice command. And I know it's hard for you to imagine that we had to wait for the next magazine or the newspaper to show up in order to learn what the heck was going on in the world. We didn't have 24.7news at our fingertips. That world moved slower and so did childhood. And while we can't go back, and I'm certainly not suggesting that we should, please hear me on this. We can pause and we can ask, how do we use technology without letting it use us? And honestly, I'm encouraged by what I'm seeing. Young adults in your 20s are starting to swap out smartphones for some flip phones. I've read number of articles on that. And now, you know, some are doing it to reduce distractions. Some perhaps are doing it to reduce the anxiety level. Right? I get that. Hooray, hooray for that. And maybe some are just doing to heal or feel the retro vibe. I get that. Whatever the reason is, I'm cheering you on because you are choosing intention over impulse. And so that's what today's conversation is about. I believe we can have the best of both worlds, but that only happens when we parent with courage, some clarity in this very noisy world and a commitment. What are you committing to for the sake of your children and your family? And so, because doing hard things now, like setting screen boundaries in early childhood, makes life so much easier later, I want to focus in on that. Because it's not just you. I'm not individualizing anybody. It's for your child, your family, your community, and all of our future together. So let's take a little look at what research is suggesting to us and we can go down that rabbit hole and really zone in on some deep research, quote, unquote, on another episode. Because there is a lot of nuance, right? There's a lot of variables that we have to look at. And I'll be the first to admit the research on screen time is kind of spotty. And there's a couple of reasons, right? You can find a number of quote unquote, decent articles on both side of the argument. And when I say decent, I mean decent, right? That the methodology is okay, but kind of sketchy here and there. A lot of them are reflective or looking back and asking moms to recall what they did on particular days or particular weeks. And that's hard science to measure. Plus, in my opinion, and I think you can agree to this, that there are many, many variables to try to control. And I think the research overall for early child development and human growth and development is not necessarily a big money maker. So they're not really clamoring at the gates to try to get research done. But I just wanted to share and I will have the link down below. I use a platform called the Informed slp Speech language pathologist. Right. And it's a trusted resource within my field. They actually I think there's a couple hundred researchers in there that review over 4,200 peer reviewed articles every year. And it's across all modalities or all areas of study in a speech language pathologist career. Right. It could go from the medical head trauma, swallowing, dysphagia, all of that kind of arena to early child development, the health and well being, cognitive language and all of that. But 4,200 peer reviewed articles every year that they summarize for us recently, I think it's within this last year I pulled this article up and it was their summary and they titled it it's time to talk about screen time. That they wanted to cut through the noise and give us practitioners some clarity. So then we could take this information and share with you, the parents and other allied health professionals, that is doctors, that is educators. So let's just kind of start with the bare minimum guidelines that us clinicians look at. So from the aap, which is the American Academy of Pediatrics and asha, asha, which stands for American Speech Language Hearing Association. So that's my national organization. So what their guidelines are, these are just basic, is looking at under 18 months that there should be no screen time at all. And yes, they give a caveat that live video calls. Right. FaceTime with grandma or Aunt Susie or whomever is an exception. And the reason why they say that is because it's live, it's in real time. Right. There's a give and take even though it's a flat screen. So that's for children 18 months and younger, no screen time whatsoever. And then they stipulate in these guidelines looking at 18 to 24 months of age that those. And this is their language. Right. Those wishing to introduce media suggesting that you really haven't shared screens with this child, with your child before 18 months of age. Right. So those wishing to introduce you should choose high quality content. And again I have an asterisk there because that's A variable that's incredibly tricky to measure. Who the heck defines what high quality content is? And I know that you and I would have a different opinion, but what they're saying is that you should choose high quality content and engage alongside with your child. There's another variable, right? There is plenty of research suggesting that screen time and even having the TV on in the background reduces the quality and quantity of speech language development in those early years, all the way up until five years of age. So, you know, how do we define that as reducing speech language development? That means lower vocabulary, right? Instead of having 2,000 words on their third birthday, they'll have 200 words. They'll have poor attention, poor listening skills, poor comprehension, reduced social skills, and less engagement. There's that distractibility element. So that's with kids 18 months to 2 years of age and then ages 2 to 5 years. There should be no more than one hour per day. It should be high quality content only. Again, who the heck defines that? And here's another one. And co viewed with an adult parenthesis when possible. So those are their guidelines. They also stipulate no screens during meals. I've said that a thousand times on these podcast episodes and in my private practice for the last, whatever, 20 years, right? No TV when I told hundreds and hundreds of families over the years, no TV in bedrooms. Right? But no screens during meals and no screens one hour before bedtime. So that's what the AAP and ASHA American Speech and Hearing association guidelines on. Those are really basic, the most basic outline. So let me break this down just a little bit. Remember I said that the research is kind of spotty because one, there's a lot of nuances, Two, there's a lot of it depends. And that's, I think, what the informed SLP article stipulated. And I liked that because it does. Everything is dependent on the context, right? Like I said, let's define high quality. That seems pretty arbitrary. And talk about a slippery slope. And then we look back and say, okay, what about all of this being shared or co viewed, right? Let's pull back the truth, right? I hear all the time, moms will say to me, I just needed a few minutes to cook dinner, or I needed, you know, 10, 15 minutes to take a shower, or I needed to make this phone call. So I just put them in front of the tv. And believe me, I get it. You're doing a million things every single day and often with minimal to no help. But let's be honest, if the guidelines are saying co viewing and you're arguing for the use of screen times as a reprieve or a respite, that's not co viewing, you know, so there's a disconnect. And I get it, I understand why you're doing it, but we can't say, well, you know, the American Academy of Pediatrics says screens at 2 years old is okay. Yeah, you have to read all of it. So my point here is let's look at what they're saying and what they're not saying, what is realistic and common sense and practical and, and what is honest. Because using screens to buy a break is understandable, but it's not educational and it certainly isn't co viewed or co shared. Because what that really means, means that we're in it together. We're using it as a tool to sing along, to dance along, to repeat along, to share in real time with another human being. We're just using it as a facilitator, not an educator. So when you need it to buy a break, so to speak, I get that, like I said. But we have to recognize that that's a shortcut. And we do know that shortcuts come at some kind of trade off. Because what I'm trying to do is be really honest here, that just 10 minutes turns into 20 minutes and 30 minutes and even more. You and I know that because that's what happens to us, us grownups who have a fully developed frontal lobe where we can turn it off. No, I mean, maybe for the month of June I should come out and track all of my screen time that is wasted. I have to really, really be harsh on myself to turn things off and put blocks, right? Because I can get sucked into quote unquote educational YouTube all the time. But it becomes this slippery slope. And so here's what I think. Those guidelines, quote, unquote again, they're just very loosey goosey. Guidelines don't say clearly enough. And this is just my humble personal professional opinion. Screens interrupt foundational brain development, period. Especially in those first three years, we do know how the brain develops. Remember, they're born under construction. Because what happens in those first three years, a screen hijacks their attention. It's too much stimuli, auditory and visual, they are not keeping up. It's a drug. The screen time also replaces human connection. They need to learn through us in this three dimensional world. We also know screens suppress language. I've said that it disrupts sleep, it disrupts your sleep and my sleep too. And at the end of the day, let's be honest, Those tantrums are worsened because of screen especially over time because we have fed that habit and that dopamine hit and they need more of it. Let's just simply use our common sense. I can then back it up by decades of work because I've seen it on both sides. I've seen the fallout screens can do in your day to day life. And I've seen what's possible when parents hold the line, even when it's hard. So just for a moment before I outline my boundary recommendations, right. My responsibility here on this platform is the same it's always been. Whether I was in private practice or I was part of a team consulting, I feel it's my duty, my responsibility to give you my best clinical impressions, recommendations based on the research and my clinical experience working with real children in real families and my personal experience being a mom. It is only an end of one. I get that. But just also as a concerned citizen, as I've witnessed changes in the family dynamics, the educational system, our individual as young mothers and growing families over the past 40 years, I putting this all together right, I feel like it's my responsibility just to lay it out on the table. And that's what I've always done, full autonomy. I'm not, I'm not, you know, speaking on the behalf of anyone except what have I learned and how can I share that with you? And just a side note on what research is and isn't. So when we look at research outcomes and I want to share, and I know that this is pretty well known with people who read research all the time, that it, it lags behind everyday life significantly. So some measures even suggest that it takes close to 18 years before the knowledge that is being revealed in the quote unquote labs right. In those papers begin to trickle down and impact us common folks, right? Whether it's me as a clinician, you as a parent or teachers or even the doctors, before we take that research outcome and how do we kind of filter it down and apply it into everyday life? That could take a up to 18 years to change the work, right? Change the implementation of what we've learned. And yes, I do believe that the Internet does give us the ability to close that gap a little bit more. That you and I can do some deep dives and we can look at the papers before they're really even well known. But that takes a lot of legwork, a lot of heavy lifting. And that's why I'm here, that's why I'm trying to pull and Synthesize what's happening in the research labs or even what is starting to be shared and trying to close that gap for you. Right? That's one of my, I feel one of my job here on this platform. And yes, I do understand every family and every situation is different. So once again, I want to help you become a more informed parent. Right? A more informed decision maker for your children and for your family. And so, you know, I'm trying to get the information to you a little bit more. And at the end of the day, you know, my responsibility is just to lay it on the table. And then you, mom, grandparents, granddad, dad, you guys, you get to decide what's best for all of you. And don't get me wrong, you can always change your mind later on. Right? So I'm sharing this information and you can say, yeah, that sounds like good, a good deal, I'm going to try that, or nah, not right now, that's too much or I can't handle a change or whatever. Right? That's your personal right. But I just feel like it's my obligation, my personal moral obligation to at least share what I'm thinking, what I'm seeing, what I've learned, what the data is sharing or at least suggesting. Right? And so when we talk about the American Academy of Pediatrics and Asha and what that as a child development organization is saying, these are just rough guidelines, just like the milestones are just guidelines. They're giving us points to focus on and then we navigate real, real life. And like I just said, you can always change your mind. Right. This information is here to contemplate, to study and then reflect on. Right? So let me just give you what my boundary based recommendations are. Right. You know, how do we, how do we build boundaries in the home life? And yes, I'm just going to say it up front here, it's much stricter than what the AAP and Asha is suggesting. Right. And I'm doing that on purpose because I'm setting a really high bar. And then I want you individuals to decide how that can or can't fit into your lifestyle. What are your goals? What do you imagine five years from now, ten years from now? And I also feel like you don't need sugar coated advice. You need the truth, you need a plan of action, you need some facts and then you need a lot of trial and error. So here are my recommendations. First and foremost, no screens under age 3, period. Yes, FaceTime with grandma is totally acceptable because like I said, that's live, that's an interaction that's a connection with another human that they love. Right. But I say no screens up through age three and then after age three, see if you can just do family movie time once or twice per week. Yes, this is kind of the classic old fashioned family, but it worked. So you can make it special Friday nights or Sunday night. You can, you know, watch with your child and then talk about it, then read a book. The same book, right? Goldilocks and the Three Bears or all of the Cinderella movies. Whatever you decide is your groove with your family. But the other piece is that there should not be solo screen use. Right? And there shouldn't be any background tv. No, not just while you cook dinner or you shouldn't have the news on either. That's just. Adults shouldn't do that either. Because when you just put them in front of the screen while you fix dinner, you're losing an opportunity. Every minute counts. In those early years, it's just 36 months. And there are better ways to fill in those time gaps. And if they're not interested in helping you prep dinner, maybe you can entice them to set the table or draw a picture next to you or read a story out loud or tell funny jokes. There's a hundred different ways that you can connect during that meal prep. And here's the truth. I lived this way. My husband and I were definitely on the same page from the very beginning. Now, mind you, neither one of us are big TV people. We still don't have cable television. I haven't seen commercial television since I was in college. And that was because my roommate had it. But, but the truth is, back when our daughter was 2, 3, 4, 5 years old, our friends, we were in the middle of la, right? Hollywood, Disneyland, all of this, we were challenged and ridiculed. Believe me, that we, one, we couldn't do it and two, that she was actually going to be socially, quote, unquote, retarded. That's how they said it back then, right? That was back in 2003 and 4 and 5, that she was going to be socially inept. And my response was always, well, we can just read the same books. Of all the Disney characters, we can read the books on, you know, Gentle Ben or whatever. She's not going to miss out. And again, with all transparency, we had a full time nanny. I worked, I had a huge practice. And our nanny was a wonderful woman who was with us for those first seven years. And she understood exactly what we expected. We sat down and explained it to her. And yet at the same time, I had friends. When my daughter went to preschool, she was like three and a half. We had friends that had one nanny problem after another. The nannies were sitting there watching shows in the middle day and the little girl was sitting there watching them with her. And I'm like, I would never allow that. I mean, our nanny was incredibly fabulous and English was her second language and she felt like her English improved because she talked with Moira, she read books, she brought Moira into, into all of the daily activities of cleaning the house and going on walks and digging in the dirt and all kinds of things. And yeah, some days were really hard. I'd get back from work and our nanny was wiped, I get that. But it worked. We knew what we wanted for our child and we created the home environment. It wasn't perfect, but I knew and by the grace of God. And I've shared this with you before. I was almost 40 when I had her and I was in practice for, you know, close to 15 years. So I had this information. And yes, it's just an n of 1. It's just one little baby family, I get that. But trust me, she didn't develop any social delays or technological illiteracy. She was incredibly confident and joyful. She had remarkable focus skills. Her imagination still today is just beyond belief. She's a creative writer, an excellent communicator, and yeah, a lot of that is how God made her. I get that. But it's that nature, nurture, we create the home environment and we let these things express themselves beautifully or disjointedly. And I've shared this with you before, she was a little precocious reader. She actually read before she was three and I did not teach her, even though she doesn't believe me. But she just broke the code because we read a lot to her, she loved books and then she would act out the stories and on another episode we can talk about how the brain kind of develops reading skills, right? That's a man made skill. It's not natural, it's not like talking, right? We have to show them the code. It's auditorily based. But when we don't hijack the brain development with screens, the sky's the limit. And I do remember, I think she was in third grade coming home and she asked me about who the heck spongebob was because all the kids were talking about it, right? They're making references and she's like, you gotta show me. And so I did. I showed her a clip on YouTube or maybe a little trailer of Spongebob. And she laughed and she's like, that's ridiculous. That's a funny looking character. There's like no rhyme or reason to it. What is the deal? And she realized she wasn't missing out on anything. And I was happy to introduce it to her because it goes back to that. We were tuned in in our little family. We spent a lot of time together. And what I really wanted to foster was her freedom, right? That innocence, that imagination. I also wanted her to have good speech and language skills. I was a little biased, I get that. But just keep imagining you, your imagination skills. What do you see for your child in the future, your family. Right. And maybe you are a big TV person right now. That can change. All you have to do is turn it off. Right? A little Internet detox kind of thing. So right now I just want to interrupt this flow and take a minute to talk about if you've recognized that screen time has become a daily battle or that I am bringing it to awareness, you then. So at this point, I just want to ask your permission for a little interruption. And I want to take this minute to see if you're recognizing that if screen time has become a battle for you or maybe it's something else. You're battling over eating or bedtime routines or meltdowns, or you're just worried about your toddler who isn't talking enough. Something is really tugging at your heart. I want to invite you into something special that I've created just for you, my listeners. And it's called a tiny challenge. In one short, focused week, five days, we tackle one specific struggle that you're facing with your baby or toddler together. Right? So you and I will get together one on one and you get support from me directly. Yep. In will make a simple plan that feels doable and makes a real difference in five days. Because whether it's screens, like I said, or sleep or food, or you're just feeling like you're guessing your way through motherhood, you don't have to figure it out alone. I just want to give you this opportunity to take a look. The link is down below in the description box. Tiny challenge for mom. And so keep that in your forebrain. And let's get back to today's topic on boundaries. Because they start now. Whether you have a baby or a toddler, even a preschooler, you can always change your mind. Right? And it starts with you. So I just want to highlight, and I know you all know this, that a lot of these new Parenting things. It becomes a slippery slope really, really fast. And I know that we will often look at screens as an instant relief, but that's on purpose, right? That's their hook. It doesn't take much for that frontal lobe to get engaged with something that's quick and visual and loud and exciting and the music and the characters and the colors and the speed and all of that becomes incredibly toxic if you're not intentional. You slide without realizing. So that quick break that you're looking to, you know, have a cup of coffee or call your friend or answer an email quickly turns into 30, 40 minutes, then an hour. And then your child who can't function without a screen is having meltdowns. Whether you're trying to do a few errands or get them into the tub or get them to the table to eat. Now you have a snowball effect. And that one so called educational video. And I put education in big, big fat air quotes. It becomes background noise during meals and errands and bedtimes. That's another slippery slope. And please, mom, please recognize this is not about guilt. It's about those guardrails I talk a lot about. I want you to put them up so you don't slide off the track and build this memory, this strength, this courage to really stay consciously aware. And I know it's wickedly hard. And the big question is, what do you say when everybody else is saying yes, right? And yeah, there are going to be special times like on a holiday or a birthday party, all of that, but it should not be your norm. And also when you do these family events or when you go to a party, that's really where your personal boundaries meet with your strength and courage and backbone, actually. So here are a few lines that I just wanted to share that you could possibly use. You could say when you go to a family event and all the kids you know are watching one show after another, you could simply say, we're choosing to wait on screens, especially if you have a 16 or 18 or 24 month old, right? And you can just say, we're choosing to wait. We're focused on building his language skills, his attention skills, his relationship skills. Or you could say, there's plenty of time for technology right now. We're building his physical mobility, teaching him, let's go outside in the backyard, teaching him how to safely get up and down a chair or a rock or this short little ladder for the slide, right? You could also say something like, it's not always easy, but our home is more peaceful and creative without those screens. And everybody is much more, more engaged with one another and there's less fighting, there's less meltdowns. And what I always go back to, and I say this more often today than I ever have, you are the parent. You set the tone. Just state it clearly and kindly and they'll follow suit. But the key is to be consistent. Because when kids test us, test those boundaries, those guardrails, they're supposed to test them, right? They push against, they want to know on a subconscious level that you, that we, the parents, the grown up in charge, that we're strong enough to support them and we're not squishy, we're not going to give. And they, they might smile and say, ha, ha, ha, I got it, you know, I got her. But that's in their heart of hearts as a human. They're looking for security, they're looking for consistency. They're looking for someone that's got their back. So I don't, I just want to be a kid. I don't want to have to grow up too fast. And that's another reason why I structured my daughter's childhood like that, because I wanted to extend that innocence as long as possible. So another big factor or a question that I get a lot is, but if I'm home all day with my toddler, what the heck am I going to do? And so again, I acknowledge your fatigue level. I know you're just looking for a couple of minutes, but if you load it up front, remember, doing the hard stuff up front will make it easier on the back end. And so yes, those first 24 months are tricky. But a 2 year old can sit and play by him or herself if given the opportunities to learn that skill. So you always want to be looking at what's the rhythm of my day, right? You don't want rigid scheduling, but you want a rhythm, you want to flow, you want to know, and they can count on that, right, that there's an outdoor time, there's some free time, replay time, there's reading time, there's making snacks together and sitting down and sharing the snacks or this meal together. There's movement, there's rest. And even when your toddler starts to move away from that afternoon nap, which you and I cringe when that happens, and sometimes it happens prematurely, right? But you can always make it at rest time. They don't have to sleep, just play quietly in your bed. But you want to build that flow of your day, a rhythm. And you can build a very simple schedule and show them, oh, on Mondays we go to the library or Wednesdays we go to the park or let's check the weather and see what we can do. Do we have to stay inside? Can we go outside? All of those rhythms or that scheduled flow, then your child begins to predict these and then we always can fall back on including them in real life. Your day to day events, right? Chores around the house, baking and cleaning, laundry, errands. If you have work to do, say, you know, you work a little bit from home or part time. I'm not sure every situation is a little bit different. But give them paper and pen. You do your work, I'm going to do my work. And if you're on a computer, turn it away from them. And you can pretend. You could get a pretend laptop that they can punch around and you know, say, oh no, it's just pretend, they're into pretending. And then there's always that basket that you can pull from that helps feed their boredom. And I have a whole episode coming pretty soon on what is boredom or why is it something that we have to embrace and demonstrate how they can figure it out, right? You could have a bin full of safe toys that they have full range over different textured things, puzzles, books that they can explore all on their own. If you're bored, go check it out, right? I don't know, what can you do? I'll give you three choices. If you don't like them, then go find one on your own, but that's it. And the other element, and I've talked a lot on one to one, but also here on these episodes, how to rotate toys too, right? And different activities depending on the season. That's, that's a big element to it. But it doesn't mean that you have to have new toys. It just means that for a month you have these toys or two or three weeks, depending on the age, and then you just swap some out from here and there and say, oh, let's see what you can do with these toys, right? And yes, he or she's going to have their favorites, but less is more. Especially if you're exercising that muscle of how to navigate boredom and let them figure it out. And it's okay to be bored, just like it's okay to be hungry and wait 20 minutes for dinner and it's okay to be bored and figure it out and you know, go literally dig in the dirt or go play dress up or go talk to yourself with your imaginary friends. All of that is rich, rich childhood. And then Another favorite that I always have instead of screens is music. You can have music to soothe and calm, and you can have music to energize. Now, back in the day, my daughter had her own little CD desk player, right? And she always could play her own music. And we did not give her a lot of obnoxious children's music, right? Because I couldn't stand that in the background. But, you know, we. We gave her a lot of, like, old time R B kind of music, Motown kind of stuff that was populated for. For young children. I can kind of sort through and see if I can give you some names. But. But music is. Is really fun. And even again, if you're. They're not interested in helping you in the kitchen, then put on some music and say, okay, have a dance party. Show me how you can dance, why I'm cutting up the meat, or whatever you have to do. Now, I know that these aren't perfect solutions, but keep in mind, they're doable. This is what we've done prior to 2005, right? And the whole idea is that they help all of you build healthy habits for the long run. And I know I keep repeating this, but it's really, really important, mom, that you understand this is not about guilt. It's about just bringing it to a level of awareness. Like I said, you're the first generation to have to navigate this, to raise children with all of this noise. And so I'm stressing that parenting nowadays has to be much more intentional than ever before, because screens are not easy. You know, packaged convenience food is not easy. Indoor artificial lighting and navigating around that isn't easy. Saying no, putting up boundaries is not easy. But recognize that you're not just raising a toddler and getting to the next birthday. You're shaping a human being for life. You're taking those 100 billion neurons that they're born with that aren't connected to anything and making connections and building neurological pathways, right? A roadmap. That's how they learn how to focus, how to communicate, how to engage, how to relate, how to build relationships with you and through you. Not a screen. So in a nutshell, you can make hard choices, period. We all can. You are strong enough to say, not in my house, and recognize that you are not alone. I encourage you. Go out and ask your three closest friends. I bet at least two of them will be on your side, at least open and willing to try to compress some of these boundaries and say, let's give it a try. It's Worth a shot, right? Your child's brain is shaped by everyday experiences. That's neuroplasticity. Like I just said, 100 billion neurons are waiting to be integrated and used to build thought processes. These neurons are our human basic building blocks. And in order for them to wire together and connect, they have to interact with this three dimensional world. And a flat screen just doesn't do it. Yeah, they might, you know, be able to recite something or tell you some colors. That's rote, that's regurgitation, that's memorization. That is not communication. But every moment that you converse, whether you're tickling them after you give them a bath, or you're giving them hugs and kisses after you're buckling them in the car seat, all of that connection, that encouragement to just sit with their boredom, right? Or be creative and go find something to play or entertain yourself with. And again, at this stage, they don't know the difference between work and play. Right. Making something in the kitchen is play based. To them, it's all the same. It's just exploring being in the moment. And even the messy moments are building and wiring their brain. It's strengthening and tapping into their human resilience. And I'm doing a deeper dive on resilience in a future episode because I just think that's another layer to childhood that we're missing because of this convenient lifestyle that we're living indoors. You know, it goes back to Jonathan Haidt's book on anxious generation. He calls it a play deficit. But I think resilience, dealing with the big and the small emotional feelings that influencers or therapists of some sort are talking about. But I think resilience is pivotal in raising healthy, capable, competent, secure children. We are not aiming for perfection. There is no perfection ever in this world except Jesus himself. And I say that with all sincerity. We are striving to learn and create and expand and build. We're aiming all of us to be present in the moment, to be grateful in the moment, to build some purpose and then relax, right? To be playful and meaningful and intentional and then relax. I know I said this at the end of last episode, that this topic, right, Boundaries. Make hard choices now so you can have an easier routine to your day later, right? That these episodes really are a tough love talk. But since you're here now, you keep coming back. God bless you. I'm really, really grateful. But that means that you care, that you're looking for at least honesty. You're looking for a conversation to say huh? Maybe I need to do it differently or maybe I need to rethink this, or, Erin, just show me a few stepping stones that I can put into action that maybe can turn the needle in a different direction. So maybe you're thinking, I want to make a change, but I don't know how or if I could stick with it all by myself. Right? So I'm putting out the offer of a tiny challenge because I think that's your next best step. This is a way, you know, I learned about it just a couple of months ago. I thought, I've done large challenges before. I've done group coaching, all of that. Those are helpful tools, too. But I thought, how can I really gain momentum for this family, for this child quickly? And they could see what's possible. Right? You could begin to feel in your heart and in your everyday life and in your relationship with your children, with your beautiful children. You and I can work together one on one, identify one of your biggest stressors. It could be around screens, like I just said, eating, sleeping, meltdowns, houses, talking, poor listening, whatever. One challenge we craft a simple, doable plan that you can start to implement right away. It's highly individualized for you and your family, and it's the best thing I can offer at this point because it's what I've done for decades. I'm bringing this straight to you. The description is. Or the link is down in the description. You can learn more about it. It's called Tiny Challenge. I am so excited to be able to offer this to you. Next episode in Part three, we're going to explore alternatives to screens. Right? How can you create that home environment? I know I gave you some brief ideas, but I've. Over the last, I don't know, decade, I've collected ideas from a wide variety of sources. And, yeah, a lot of it is on you. I get that. But you get to create the home environment that can be smooth and easy and cooperative and connected and calm, even messy from time to time. But the screens really throw a monkey wrench into all of that. So for now, just pause. Consider. You can choose to make hard choices now and have an easier life later, or make the easy choices now and have a much harder life later. Saying no to screens might feel incredibly hard right now, but I assure you that it will make everything else easier. Transitions, sleep, language, attention. So much better. You're not being extreme. I'm not being extreme. I know I'll be accused of that. All right, whatever. I think you're being wise and I think you're standing up, going against the grain because everything else is so convenient. I swear your child will thank you. I thank you for listening through all of this. Thanks for sharing your precious time with me and I look forward to next time. God bless. Take care, talking toddlers.