Episode Overview

Podcast: Talking Toddlers
Host: Erin Hyer
Episode: Stop Repeating Yourself: 4 Keys to Get Your Toddler to Listen the First Time (Ep 124)
Date: October 7, 2025

This episode empowers parents—especially moms—to move beyond frustration and repetition when guiding toddlers. Erin Hyer, a licensed speech-language pathologist, dives into four practical, science-backed keys that help toddlers listen the first time. Drawing on decades of experience, she grounds these strategies in brain science, connection, and mindful presence, aiming to make daily routines smoother and strengthen the parent-child bond.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understand Why Toddlers Ignore Repeated Requests

• Developmental Stages: Toddlers aren’t being intentionally “bad” when they don’t listen. Their brains, especially language-processing centers, are still developing.
• Quote:

  "Your toddler isn't trying to drive you crazy. And they're not being bad on purpose. They're showing you exactly where they are developmentally."
  —Erin Hyer [01:15]

• Insight: Yelling or repeating yourself doesn’t work because young children’s brains cannot process long instructions or distant voices when they are immersed in something.

2. Key 1: Get Face-to-Face and at Eye Level

Timestamp: [06:00]–[09:30]

• Practical Action: Crouch down to your toddler’s physical and emotional space before giving directions.
• Brain Science: Under age three, language understanding is still forming in the left hemisphere; emotional and survival cues are registered more strongly.
• Memorable Analogy:

  "If someone was across the room and started to yell instructions to you while you're in deep concent, are you tuned in? Probably not. Toddlers are no different."
  —Erin Hyer [06:40]

• Why It Works: Physical closeness communicates attention and importance, triggering focus better than shouting.

3. Key 2: Use a Gentle But Firm Touch

Timestamp: [09:31]–[14:30]

• Action Step: Rest a steady, firm (not light or startling) hand on the shoulder, knee, or back. This grounds the child and signals a transition.
• Sensory Insight: Touch is one of the earliest senses to develop and is deeply tied to emotion and co-regulation.
• Quote:

  "A light touch can almost be like a bug that's brushing against their skin—it's irritating... What works best is a but firm touch that matches your grounded presence."
  —Erin Hyer [12:00]

• Why It Works: Touch signals “I’m here” and gently breaks the child’s focus from play without overstimulating or jarring them.

4. Key 3: Use Fewer, Clearer Words

Timestamp: [14:31]–[22:00]

• Issue: Too much talking overwhelms a toddler’s processing abilities and teaches them to tune out repeated requests.
• Science: Toddlers are concrete thinkers; repeated, lengthy directions dilute your message.
• Quote:

  "The more we talk, the less they listen. Especially at this age, at 1, 2, 3, 4, and even 5 and 6 toddlers and little, you know, preschoolers are truly concrete thinkers. Too many words overwhelm their processing system."
  —Erin Hyer [15:20]

• Practical Example: Instead of calling across a crowded library, walk over, make eye contact, gently touch, smile, and say a single directive: “Shoes. Time to go.”
• Key Tip:

  "The best directions are short, clear, and connected with you in that steady presence."
  —Erin Hyer [19:00]

5. Key 4: Check and Model Your Own Presence

Timestamp: [22:01]–[29:30]

• Action: Your mood and energy set the tone for your toddler—think “thermostat,” not “thermometer.”
• Mirror Neurons: Children unconsciously mirror a parent’s emotional state; your calmness helps them regulate.
• Story: Erin shares an example of a mom struggling with transitions (leaving church, playgrounds). Focusing first on the parent’s own emotional state and practicing transitions at home led to fewer meltdowns in public.
• Quote:

  "Your toddler is wired to feel your energy much more than those words... So I want you to think of yourself more as a thermostat and not the thermometer. You set the tone."
  —Erin Hyer [23:30]

• Encouragement:

  "Your toddler doesn't need you to be perfect in all of this, but they do need you to have that sense of control and calmness and steadfastness."
  —Erin Hyer [28:30]

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On Consistency and Faith:

  "The goal is if you're starting from a strong foundation, then managing those one offs will be much smoother and easier and short lived."
  —Erin Hyer [31:30]

• On Collective Experience:

  "None of you are meant to figure this out alone. We want to pass this on from generation to generation as we learn to navigate this complicated modern lifestyle."
  —Erin Hyer [33:15]

• On Imperfection and Role Modeling:

  "Think of that duck again. Smooth and steady on the surface, right? That's what your child will see even if your heart is racing and you're still not 100% confident."
  —Erin Hyer [27:30]

Practical Summary of the Four Keys

1. Get on your child's physical level: Crouch down, make eye contact before speaking.
2. Use touch: Gentle but firm contact on a shoulder, knee, or back to get attention.
3. Speak less and more clearly: One concrete, positive directive at a time—no long explanations or repeating yourself.
4. Model the mood: Stay as calm and present as possible; your child’s emotional state will mirror yours.

Noted Timestamps

• 01:15 — Real parent feelings, why kids don't listen, and the developmental perspective
• 06:40 — Analogy about adults missing shouted instructions
• 12:00 — The impact of touch and the “bug” analogy
• 15:20 — Why too many words don’t work
• 19:00 — Recipe for clear directives
• 23:30 — Role modeling calm ("thermostat" quote)
• 27:30 — “Duck on water” analogy
• 31:30 — Foundation for managing “one-off” meltdowns
• 33:15 — Collective learning and passing wisdom on

Final Reflection

This episode is a warm, comforting conversation for parents facing classic toddler challenges. Erin Hyer frames listening not as a discipline issue but as a developmental learning process. Her four-part approach—getting down to their level, using gentle touch, speaking with clarity, and modeling calm—offers a reassuring roadmap for more peaceful daily routines and more connected relationships.

For moms “in the thick of it,” Erin’s message is:

"You don't have to panic every time you have to try to get out the door. When you use these four simple but key strategies, then you're teaching your little one how to listen... and ultimately, you're teaching them to follow your directives, your lead, your expectations, to have faith in you."
—Erin Hyer [00:00, 29:45]

Further Resources:
Erin invites listeners to explore more content and support via podcast show notes and her website.

This summary is designed for listeners seeking actionable strategies, developmental science, and encouragement, whether or not they’ve heard the episode.