Podcast Summary: "What Every Toddler Needs: The Secret to Calmer Days" (Ep 110) - Talking Toddlers with Erin Hyer
Introduction
In Episode 110 of Talking Toddlers, Erin Hyer, a licensed speech-language pathologist with nearly 35 years of experience, delves into the foundational role of daily routines in fostering calmer days and promoting healthy development in toddlers. The episode emphasizes the importance of creating predictable rhythms in a child’s life to enhance their emotional regulation, language acquisition, and overall sense of security.
Understanding the Importance of Routines
Erin begins by highlighting the overwhelming nature of modern parenting and the critical need for clarity and consistent guidance. She asserts that routines are not merely about managing time but are essential for building a secure and predictable environment where toddlers can thrive.
"When we slow down and live more intentionally, we allow ourselves to notice those voices in the back of our head. I think they're God's whispers...to understand how to take the next step, what's really healthy and loving and supportive for each of us within this family."
— [05:30]
The Deeper Meaning Behind Routines
Erin emphasizes that routines for toddlers go beyond simple schedules like nap times or meals. They involve making thoughtful and purposeful choices that align with the unique rhythm of each family and child.
"It's about creating that rhythm, about creating a calm, connected environment where you have predictable roles and that you have time and space to be together."
— [11:45]
Why Toddlers Crave Routine
The episode explores the biological and psychological need toddlers have for structure. Predictability offers toddlers a sense of security and stability, which is crucial for their ability to engage and learn effectively.
"Routines are anchors for the growing brain... they support their emotional regulation, their sensory integration, which alongside is building that trust and creating the kind of environment where they thrive."
— [22:10]
Benefits of Establishing Routines
Erin outlines six key benefits of establishing daily routines for toddlers:
- Creates Safety and Predictability: Reduces stress by eliminating the uncertainty of "what’s next," allowing toddlers to feel secure.
- Builds Confidence: Helps toddlers anticipate transitions, fostering a sense of control and active participation in daily activities.
- Supports Better Sleep: Consistent sleep schedules help toddlers regulate their sleep patterns, leading to better rest and happier mornings.
- Eases Transitions: Familiar sequences of events make it easier for toddlers to transition between activities without meltdowns.
- Prepares Them for Change: Structured routines teach toddlers to adapt to unexpected changes by providing stable anchor points.
- Lightens Mental Load: Consistent routines reduce the need for constant decision-making, benefiting both toddlers and parents by creating a calmer household.
"When your toddler knows what's next, they don't have to be on edge or guess, which significantly reduces their level of frustration."
— [34:50]
Scientific Basis of Routines
Erin delves into the neurobiological aspects of why routines are so effective. She explains that predictable routines help regulate the nervous system, moving toddlers from a state of fight-or-flight to a state of rest and digest, which is essential for learning and emotional stability.
"A calm brain is able to learn, but a dysregulated brain or nervous system can't. Routines help make that possible."
— [48:15]
She references Jean Ayres and the concept of sensory integration, emphasizing that when toddlers are emotionally and neurologically regulated, they are more receptive to learning and interaction.
"When a toddler is uneasy on the inside, whether they're tired or hungry, overstimulated, stressed, unsure, it becomes nearly impossible for them to learn anything."
— [55:20]
Practical Tips for Establishing Routines
Erin provides actionable steps for parents to implement effective routines:
- Start with the Basics: Focus on major parts of the day such as wake-up time, meal times, nap times, and bedtime.
- Involve Toddlers in the Process: Engage toddlers in preparing meals or cleaning up to foster a sense of ownership and participation.
- Use Consistent Cues: Utilize consistent verbal cues to signal transitions between activities, helping toddlers understand the sequence of events.
- Be Flexible Yet Consistent: While maintaining consistency, allow for flexibility to accommodate unexpected changes without disrupting the overall routine.
- Incorporate Physical Activity: Include physical play, especially during times when toddlers may have excess energy, to help them settle down for meals and bedtime.
- Utilize Natural Light: Align routines with natural light patterns to support toddlers' circadian rhythms, aiding better sleep and wakefulness.
"If you start small, choose one of these anchors—look at your mealtime planning, your morning and evening routine—and build from there."
— [1:02:30]
Example of a Simple Weekday Routine
Erin paints a picture of a typical weekday to illustrate how routines can be structured:
- 7:00 AM: Wake up and engage in quiet play.
- 7:30 AM: Breakfast together, involving toddlers in meal preparation.
- 8:00 AM: Clean up and get dressed.
- 8:30 AM - 11:30 AM: Playtime or errands such as visiting the library or playing outside.
- 11:30 AM: Lunch preparation and meal.
- 3:00 PM: Snack time, emphasizing nutrient-dense foods and language-rich interactions.
- 5:00 PM: Physical activities to expend residual energy before dinner.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner and cleanup, involving toddlers in setting the table or washing dishes.
- 6:45 PM: Bath time and start winding down with dimmed lights.
- 7:00 PM: Bedtime routine with stories or prayers, transitioning to a dark and cool room for sleep.
Addressing Challenges and Flexibility
Erin acknowledges that routines can be more challenging during different seasons, such as summer, or on weekends. She advises maintaining the "bookends" of the day—consistent wake-up and bedtime—while allowing flexibility within the day's activities.
"Be willing to tweak and be flexible. The more they experience these routines and begin to understand, the more flexibility they have if something's different."
— [1:10:45]
Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Erin wraps up by reiterating that predictable rhythms make toddlers feel grounded, secure, and cooperative, ultimately leading to a more peaceful and fluid daily life. She encourages parents to start small, implement consistent routines, and enjoy the positive ripple effects on both their children and family dynamics.
"Toddler isn't always giving you a hard time on purpose. They're trying to build a trusting relationship. Routines help make that possible."
— [1:14:30]
Additional Resources and Announcements
Towards the end of the episode, Erin announces the launch of her YouTube channel, "Higher Learning," where listeners can access video formats of her episodes. She also promotes her "tiny challenge," a focused, one-week program aimed at addressing specific parenting challenges with personalized support.
"If today has helped you and you're beginning to need to rethink this, please share with another friend, another mom who is trying to figure this out in this noisy, chaotic, beautiful world that we live in."
— [1:20:10]
Key Takeaways
- Routines are Essential: They provide security, predictability, and a foundation for learning and emotional regulation.
- Flexibility is Important: While consistency is key, routines should adapt to the family's unique needs and changing circumstances.
- Active Participation: Involving toddlers in daily activities fosters a sense of control and ownership, enhancing cooperation.
- Neurobiological Benefits: Routines help regulate the nervous system, making toddlers more receptive to learning and interaction.
- Start Small: Begin by establishing key anchors in the day and gradually build a comprehensive routine.
By implementing thoughtful and consistent routines, parents can create a nurturing environment that supports their toddler's development and ensures calmer, more harmonious days.