Talking Toddlers with Erin Hyer

Episode 128: What Gets in the Way of Helping Toddlers Talk: Simple Shifts, Big Change

Date: November 4, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Erin Hyer—experienced speech-language pathologist and host of Talking Toddlers—explores the subtle yet powerful shifts parents can make to foster their toddler's language and cognitive development. The focus is on practical, neuroscience-backed strategies that empower parents to nurture brain growth through everyday routines. Erin introduces her core concept of the "Three Ps": Being Present, Purposeful, and Playful, and discusses common barriers that can prevent these habits from taking root. The episode is rich with real-life examples and offers parents insight and encouragement for daily connection.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Three Ps: Present, Purposeful, Playful

1. Being Present

• Neuroscience Backing:
  • The toddler’s brain is continuously building neural pathways; presence helps strengthen these connections (03:40).
  • Serve-and-return interactions—like responding to a child’s babble or gestures—activate the brain’s language centers, especially in the left hemisphere (Broca’s and Wernicke’s areas) (05:20).
• Real-Life Example:
  • Including a toddler in folding laundry by naming and narrating actions. Presence doesn’t mean intense focus at every moment, but tuning in during shared activities (06:00).
• Quote:
  • “To be present doesn't mean that you're staring at your child every second. It means that you've tuned in, you notice things, you respond intermittently.” —Erin Hyer [04:06]

2. Being Purposeful

• Meaning vs. Entertainment:
  • Toddlers need meaningful routines over mere entertainment. Being purposeful involves showing the "why" in everyday activities, such as washing hands after they’re sticky from syrup (08:30).
• 80/20 Rule:
  • Erin underscores the importance of predictable repetition (80%) to build stability and mastery, with just enough novelty (20%) to spark curiosity and flexibility (03:20).
• Quote:
  • “Toddlers don't need entertainment. They really need meaning. They need to know why washing your hands is important as we do it together.” —Erin Hyer [07:30]
• Neuro Tip:
  • Movement and sensory involvement during routines like hand washing help build cognitive networks and prefrontal cortex development (11:00).

3. Being Playful

• Play as a Learning Vehicle:
  • Play isn’t constant silliness but the invitation of joy, curiosity, or humor. Asking silly "verbal absurdities" helps toddlers pay attention and builds engagement (14:30).
• Practical Example:
  • Turning toy cleanup into a playful game (“Oh no, where does he find his home?” for a lost block), which makes repetition fun and language-rich (17:30).
• Neuro Tip:
  • Play activates dopamine and serotonin centers in the brain, building attention, motivation, memory, and flexible thinking (18:20).
• Quote:
  • “Play brings novelty to the repetition... If I'm playful with it, I can mix it up a little bit and they'll be more willing to engage.” —Erin Hyer [18:40]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Brain Growth:
  “Repetition builds the brain, novelty grows the brain, and the right kind of engagement does both.” —Erin Hyer [22:10]

• Wisdom from a Mentor:
  “The brain changes in response to what it does, not just what it knows.”
  — Dr. Michael Merzenich (quoted by Erin Hyer) [22:50]

• On Parenting Fears:
  “Even when we know that being present and being purposeful and being playful is what builds our toddler’s brain, we still all get pulled away… not because we’re bad parents, but because the world we’re raising these kids in is loud and noisy and fast.” —Erin Hyer [24:00]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 | Introduction: Why play is critical for brain development
• 03:20 | The neuroscience of learning: 80/20 rule; repetition vs. novelty
• 04:06 | Presence defined and its impact on brain wiring
• 07:30 | Purposeful routines and real-world meaning over entertainment
• 11:00 | Neuro tip: sensory input and movement in routines
• 14:30 | What it means to be playful: practical and clinical perspectives
• 18:20 | Neuro tip: Play’s impact on brain chemistry and executive function
• 22:10 | Dr. Merzenich’s neuroplasticity research and its influence
• 24:00 | The realities and challenges of modern parenting

Barriers That Get in the Way

Erin discusses five common obstacles that make it harder to consistently apply the Three Ps:

1. Screens & Digital Distractions (26:30)

   • Presence is lost when attention is split with devices. Toddlers feel this disconnection.
   • “The brain really can't multitask… When our attention is split, language input really suffers.” —Erin Hyer [29:00]

2. Overscheduling & The Productivity Myth (31:15)

   • Constant busyness erodes daily connection. Learning happens in everyday moments, not just during special activities.
   • “It's not about adding more time. It's about embedding connection into what you have to do already.” —Erin Hyer [33:40]

3. Discomfort with Play (36:30)

   • Many adults feel awkward or unsure about play, especially if they didn’t grow up playful or are fixated on “getting things done.”
   • Erin shares her own journey from clinical seriousness to learning the power of sitting on the floor, following a child’s lead.
   • “Play starts with presence, not perfection or even having a plan. It begins when we can sit beside a child with our own curiosity.” —Erin Hyer [40:08]

4. Cultural Confusion & Expert Overload (43:00)

   • Overwhelming and conflicting parenting advice can lead to paralysis.
   • “We don't need to know everything. We just need to show up, to watch, to respond, to repeat, to expand.” —Erin Hyer [44:30]

5. Underestimating Small Moments (46:10)

   • Society often downplays the value of small, repeated interactions (“the small stuff”), pushing parents to chase “more.”
   • “No program, no classroom, no preschool ever can replace [these daily moments], I guarantee.” —Erin Hyer [49:12]

Encouragement & Next Steps

• Course Correction is Normal:
  Parenting is about constant course correction, not perfection (51:00).
• Never Too Late to Reconnect:
  Toddlers are always ready to re-engage when parents show up with attention and presence (52:10).
• Looking Ahead:
  Next episode will cover practical play strategies to further boost your toddler’s communication skills.

Final Pep Talk

“Because the little years are the big years. And you, mom, you make the biggest difference.” —Erin Hyer [53:20]

For further resources and Erin’s free daily brain-building guide, see Talking Toddlers show notes.