Episode Summary: Why Asking “What’s This?” Often Backfires With Late Talkers (Ep 138)

Podcast: Talking Toddlers
Host: Erin Hyer
Date: January 13, 2026

Main Theme & Purpose

Erin Hyer, a seasoned speech-language pathologist, explores why commonly used prompts like "What's this?" can inadvertently shut down communication in late-talking toddlers. The episode reframes how parents and caregivers can gently support early language development by focusing on true participation and connection, rather than putting toddlers "on the spot" to perform with words.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why “What’s This?” Can Backfire (00:01–05:20)

• Expectation vs. Readiness: Many parents feel pressure when toddlers don't respond to prompts. Hyer reassures, “That silence doesn't mean your child won't talk. It means they can't yet. At least not comfortably, not reliably, and not on command.” (03:29)
• Skills Under Construction: Asking for words assumes readiness in skills like attention, imitation, and playful sound-making. For many, these are still developing.

2. Shifting from Testing to Inviting (05:21–08:00)

• Erin illustrates the importance of shifting from asking/testing to inviting/wondering. Instead of drilling, adults can participate in ways that feel safe and engaging for toddlers.
• “Toddlers who eventually find their words aren't usually surrounded by adults who are drilling or testing... they're usually surrounded by adults who participate in ways that make communication feel safe.” (07:08)

3. "Tending the Garden": Supporting Natural Growth (08:01–09:15)

• Erin likens development to gardening: “You don't pull on a plant and hope that will help it grow. You tend the soil.” (08:23)
• Speech development happens “quietly beneath the surface, long before you see it.” The parent's role is to create those nurturing conditions.

Five Essential Areas of Adult Participation

1. Protected One-to-One Time (09:16–13:58)

• Quality over Quantity: A few minutes of undivided, agenda-free play is more valuable than constant interaction.
• Follow the child’s lead, provide presence, and resist the urge to multitask.
• Therapy is helpful but “what happens at home in your everyday relationship matters so much. You matter…the way you participate together matters.” (12:52)
• Self-reflection Prompt: “Ask yourself, what does your one-to-one time look like right now?” (13:08)

2. How You Enter Your Child’s World (13:59–18:00)

• Avoid “testing” modes; instead, wonder out loud, copy your child's actions, and react naturally.
• Focus on being a partner, not a teacher.
• “It’s less of a teacher and more as a partner…. You’re showing them that being together is fun, it’s enjoyable. Right? You guys are partners, communicative partners in it together.” (16:36)
• Participation means bringing joyful energy, curiosity, and playfulness.

3. Matching Language to Development (18:01–24:35)

• Simplicity and Repetition: Early talkers need playful, rhythmic language and sound effects, not constant narration or labeling.
• “Before children use words, they play with sound…they really do enjoy animal noises, those sound effects, nursery rhymes, because there’s a rhythm to it—it’s simple and repetitive.” (19:24)
• Use action words and fun phrases rather than solely naming objects. E.g.: “Giddy up, giddy up!” is more engaging than “horse.”
• If language is too complex or unengaging, “we often lose them. And that’s where they’re quiet and they’ll walk away.” (21:30)

4. Embedding Language in Daily Life (24:36–27:40)

• Speech grows everywhere: Beyond playtime, include children in chores and everyday activities: “Speech also grows from doing life together every day, right? Eating together, bringing your toddler into those simple chores side by side…” (24:54)
• Use natural language during shared routines: “Loading the dishwasher, putting groceries away, all the rich language that's involved…making a bed is exciting and learning to a 2- and 3-year-old!” (26:07)
• Movement and connection during these times reinforce learning and make communication meaningful.

5. Supporting the Nervous System (27:41–32:48)

• Regulation is Foundational: “Participation only works when your child's nervous system is supported…when a toddler's nervous system is under stress... their brain shifts more into survival mode. And in that state…not learning, not imitating, not listening, and certainly not communicating.” (27:52)
• Sleep, routines, and food aren’t ‘preferences’ but “developmental foundations.”
• Reminds parents: “A tired, dysregulated body simply doesn’t have the bandwidth for speech...” (29:49)
• Encourages parents to gently tweak daily rhythms for better regulation and connection.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On parental pressure and perspective:
  “Our job isn't to demand growth and performance. It's to create the conditions that allow it.” (08:37)

• On the futility of pushing for performance:
  “When we shift from testing to inviting or from asking to wondering, imitating them or enticing them and then joining in the activity, speech has a reason to show up.” (05:48)

• On playful engagement:
  “Your toddler has a simple need: make life fun and I'll participate. I'll join you if it's fun.” (22:13)

• Analogy to baking bread:
  “You still can’t rush the rise…If you poke it too much, or you try to speed it up, you actually ruin the very thing you’re waiting for. And so speech or verbal talking is a lot like that.” (31:20)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:01–05:20 — Why "What's this?" often fails; signs of readiness in toddlers
• 05:21–09:15 — Shifting the adult approach and the gardening analogy
• 09:16–13:58 — Protected one-to-one time: setting the stage for connection
• 13:59–18:00 — How to enter your child’s world: partnership vs. performance
• 18:01–24:35 — Adapting language to match where your child is
• 24:36–27:40 — Speech development in everyday routines
• 27:41–32:48 — The importance of regulation and practical suggestions for parents
• 31:20–32:48 — Sourdough bread analogy and final encouragements

Tone & Approach

The episode exudes calm, reassurance, and a deeply empathic perspective. Erin speaks directly to listeners’ anxieties and reassures them that gentle, attentive support—rooted in realistic developmental expectations—matters far more than any pressure to perform or keep up with milestones. She delivers practical tips with warmth, wisdom, and humility.

Final Encouragement

Erin encourages parents to invest in presence, routine, and intentional participation—reminding them they do not need to be perfect or push for results. Small, attuned changes in daily life can quietly lay the groundwork for healthy communication, even (and especially) if their child is not yet speaking.

• “When we talk about participation, we’re really talking about these five simple things…and these are areas that you have full influence over.” (32:10)

For further resources and individual support, links to Erin's guide and discovery calls are available in the show notes.