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Most toddlers don't instinctively know how to build a world out of blocks or turn a box into a car or a spaceship. That's where you come in. That's where we come in as the adults leading them as parents and caregivers. We have to model it. And I'm not talking about perfect Pinterest setups, and there are thousands of those examples online. I'm talking about hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that. But here our goal is to develop clarity, because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction. To never give up, to tap into everyday activities. So your child stays. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. What if the secret to raising a curious, confident child wasn't more stimulation or even educational toys or apps, but less. Less noise, less flashing lights, less batteries, and you give them more room to think, imagine, and play freely. Today we're uncovering the science backed and quiet magic of open ended play and why it might be the most important curriculum your toddler ever engages in. If you've been following along with our Screen Time miniseries, you know that screens can easily steal time away from the kinds of play that truly build brains and and that's what it's all about. Open ended play that helps reestablish that it invites your toddler to do instead of passively watch. You already know the cultural pressures to keep little ones entertained is at an all time high. And the powers that be, they're trying their best to make you think that that's the new normal. Especially as these weeks unfold into summer. I want you to know the truth. I want you to embrace each day and recognize that your child doesn't need constant entertainment. They need space, simplicity, opportunities to create, explore, imagine on their own. That's what open ended play provides. So whether your toddler is always asking for something or something to do or is pulling you in it, or God forbid that they're reaching for your phone, or maybe they feel bored with their toys or they're just unsure of how do I really play on my own? Today's episode will help you understand why open ended play matters and how you can make it happen every day at your home. And we'll also take a Look at what kind of toys or props actually encourage it. And we'll talk about simple things like toy rotation, play setups, realistic attention spans. And that's important when you're Talking about a 2 year old and a 3 year old and why I keep going back that less is actually more, especially in these early years. You have to keep focusing on less during the summer, less on birthdays, less during the holidays. And if something I say today hits home, if there's a challenge that's really calling your attention, we'll talk about a way that you and I can tackle it together through my tiny challenge. Meanwhile, let's practice a little imagination on our own. I want you to, because today's topic is about imagination. I want you just to take this moment and imagine your toddler older at 6, 7, 8, even 10 years of he's content, independent, they're reliable. When you ask, go upstairs and get your English book, they can do it and come right back down. They're curious, helpful and loving. They're comfortable in their own skin that your son or daughter feels secure in the relationships that they're building and is capable of navigating their different environments in this world. Notice that I didn't say that they're intelligent or advanced or even smart. Because real success, real progress, real contentment has nothing to do with achievement. It's about feeling whole, feeling connected with people and different environments. So let's go back now to where you're living in your toddler years. And what does success look like here? It's different, right? Your success is, oh my gosh, let's sleep through the night. Let's learn how to crawl and walk and talk. We're learning or waiting or helping them learn how to wait to share. That's successful, right? To manage those big feelings and to begin to understand table manners, routines and how to cooperate or help others and feel good about being part of this family. That's successful at the toddler years, right? It all begins in now, when they're 1 and 2 and 3. And the best way, the surest way to build all of those skills and natural entities of who they are, their character, is through play. And it's funny. We often will read or hear people talk about the new science of play, right? It's not new, it's been around for decades. But we can keep going back and studying psychology, neuroscience, biology, child development. It turns out that play strengthens the brain, the body and the heart. It builds social competence, emotional regulation, problem solving skills, and of course, physical coordination through Doing right and participating. But here's the key. Not all play is created equal. And there are different types of play and there's a hierarchy of playing and I've talked in previous episodes about this. But I want you to look at how play is so unlike the use of screens, where screens tend to bypass all of these wonderful cognitive and heart filling like critical thinking and social learning and engagement and trying and trying again screens, they bypass all of that. But open ended play, on the other hand, gives your toddler a chance to practice those skills, to hone them, right? And he can look at his big box of a variety of blocks and say, hmm, what can I build with this stuff? Or look at scarves and blankets and belts and old clothing. Can I be today, right? That's creativity. They begin to negotiate with you and with their siblings, their cousins, their neighbors, whomever, and try to pull you in to their imaginary world. But it's open ended, right, that they're practicing. Say they're practicing the sequence of making dinner, right? Or putting a baby to bed, right? They're building a campfire or building a tent, right? They're, they're taking whatever props, tools, toys, right? And creating these things and then pulling people in to be a part of their imaginary world, right? The, the key about open ended play is that it's self directed and they feel like, huh, I did that. I'm in charge, I can make stuff, I can do stuff. And the people in my world, they follow me, right? But I want to pull in a little caveat here because I think it's important that we understand open ended play doesn't just happen. Like a lot of things I talk about here, chewing, sleeping, walking, communicating, right? They don't just happen, happen. Your child doesn't just wake up one day and say, huh, let me build a fort, right? Yes, I do believe that God gave all of his children, us adults too, the potential to create, right? The potential to run with their imagination, to problem solve, to build. But those skills don't fully develop on their own. Most toddlers don't instinctively know how to, how to, you know, build a world out of blocks or turn a box into a car or a spaceship. That's where you come in. That's where we come in as the adults leading them as parents and caregivers, we have to model it. And I'm not talking about, you know, perfect Pinterest setups and you know, there are thousands of those examples online. I'm talking about you being able to simplify and set the stage Engaging with them early on and then gradually stepping back and letting their imagination take the lead. That's what true natural, organic play and learning looks like, right? That's what we call child led play or even child led therapy. It means that you look from a distance, what are they interested in? You give them different options, you explore different setups, and then you watch what, what lights them up? What. Where do their interests lie? What, what holds their curiosity? Is it dressing up? Is it digging in the dirt? Is it, you know, making forts? Is it pretending to cook or take care of the animals or drive trucks? It's a process, right? You give them a variety of opportunities and that's where the toy rotation comes into play. And then you watch and they learn what really makes their heart sing. Right. But it starts with us, so always keep that in mind. So now let's take a look at the kind of play that open ended is and how it's different than other types of play. Right. The point about open ended play is that your child is in charge and not the toy. Just like screens, right? The screens are 1000% leading the charge. And simple things like puzzles quite often can be very unidirectional. And so the child isn't necessarily in charge. But we can take those puzzle pieces out, whether they're animals or people, and use them in different contexts. But, but naturally, open ended play has no rules. There's no, it's not like goldfish or even tag, right? There are no instructions or the right way to play. Truly encourages what they can imagine, what they can kind of trial and error and create. Think of it as their own self expression. Open ended play allows your child to manipulate materials however they want, right? If they want to put a bucket on their head, so be it. Heck, I remember being a very young child and my brothers, I had five of them, right? But they would put mops on their head, those long stringy mops for long hair. Because we were raised by, you know, an ex marine. So all my brothers had these buzz cuts and it was in the 60s and 70s and long hair was becoming more and more popular. They wanted to be a beetle and you know, sing and all of that. And so they put mops on their head. I'm hoping and praying that they were clean. But even so, that's what they like to play with, right? But that was their imagination. It builds their ability to, to communicate. And remember I said a lot of gestures and actions precede verbal communication. And then they problem solve. Like, how do I get these two boxes to fit together or how do I secure this blanket over the, the couch so then I can go underneath and have a 10, right? But it also really, really helps their independence and they have a lot of fun because it's open ended because there are no rules or a right way or a wrong way. Then it allows them to take more risks and then reduces the chance of them feeling like they made a mistake. Right. And, and that's really where you want to reinforce that there are no mistakes when it comes to open ended play. And that's amazing when you're two and three and you're trying to find your voice in this world, right? You're trying to express some autonomy. This type of play allows them to feel that and there are no boundaries. And the whole idea is that you play for play's sake, right? You know, even go fish, there's oh, how many pears did you get? Or how many, you know, animals or how many food or whatever. There's always kind of this hidden agenda or purpose. But the incredible opportunity here for open ended play is just exploration and building their understanding of how things can work. Like, oh, maybe this blanket is too heavy, it keeps falling off, you know, the couch. But this sheet here, that's lighter weight, that can drape nicer. So they're building an understanding without even like thinking about it on purpose. So the sky's the limit, right? But you can think of how your toddler might build a zoo with blocks or as I said, using scarfs for a hood or a cape or a wrap or a shawl or to wrap the baby in. Use cardboard boxes. Again, that's, that's kind of the classic. They can build a wide variety of things and then there's scraps of paper or old folders or even smaller things that they can glue and stick together like buttons or fabric. And yeah, safety first. You have to keep in mind that if you have a young 2 year old, Buttons might not be the safest things to try to glue or string together, right? Use your smartness. If your toddler is still putting a lot of things in their mouth, stay vigilant. Keep in mind all of this, whether they're putting materials together and creating a collage, or they're dressing up or they're building forts, that it's not just play. There goes that four letter word that I think a lot of us adults get confused in our mind, right? We've compartmentalized play versus work. The truth is that they're develop, developing motor skills, they're developing their language Their narration, right? Quite often they will tell you a story along with it. And then there's that symbolic thinking, that gestures and setting the stage will represent something. The other big piece that's happening behind the scenes is that you're wiring their brain pathways, their neuro pathways, right? That when they're building stuff or are creating stuff, they're using their right hand and their left hand at midline, right. We're also crossing. And so the right hemisphere and the left hemisphere are talking to one another. You're using your upper motor neurons and your lower motor neurons. If they're climbing to build a fort or climbing to hide and get away from whatever the bad guy, whatever their imagination is, is going for. But, but you're wiring their brains, their neural pathways. They're thinking, thinking and thinking. They're planning, planning and planning. They're using the fine motor and the gross motor skills, they're using visual and motor skills. And all of these kinds of things are really built on these layers. And I say this a lot here, but the modern world, our modern lifestyle has really interrupted or disrupted that natural, organic layers of opportunity to play and learn and build. Compare that to what happens when the screen is on or the TV is even on in the background. It shuts down that exploration. It flattens that creativity. And you and I both really understand that it can delay developmental milestones, right? That screens can really interfere with those developmental milestones that we're all privy to. The science is pretty consistent that real play builds real brains. And the play like I've always shared here, is this open ended. It could be that they're cleaning the house right alongside you, right? They have their bucket or they have their, their laundry bin that they're sorting. And that's open ended play too. Even though you're doing a task, you're, oh, let's clean the windows here or let's, let's rake the leaves. But you can expand upon that. And when I say things like real play builds real brains, that is not hyperbole, right? It's not even an exaggeration. It's simply that we have to do stuff to wire those neurons and build those networks. And the fun part is you can do it now. You can do it when they're 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5. No matter where you are on this journey, you can always begin and do it intentionally, right? So now let's kind of step back. That's kind of some of the science and the philosophy behind it. Let's get a little practical how do you set up your home to support these kinds of open ended play? And sometimes, you know, we want things store bought and organized, but I want you at least for These birth to 5 years of age or even 7 years of age to keep it simple. No batteries, no big flashing lights, no toys that really you only do one thing with. And like I said, puzzles are great, but you can, you can expand those. Like I've had little animal figurines and little puzzle pieces and they all live in the zoo together, right? But recognize that you can rotate things so then you get a better idea of where their interests lie, right. Think of a bin full of a wide variety of boxes you can have or blocks, I'm sorry, you can have wooden dup pillows, some of my favorite, and they're all different sizes, magnetic, even the foam to create all kinds of things. And then dress up vehicles, figurines, all of the kind of classic kitchen gear, right. House cleaning. But keep it manageable. And you know, different things will be, I think relatable during the holidays versus the summer months. But try your best not to overload. And you know, I have to share that I have gone into so many homes over the years and walked into their big beautiful playroom that mom and dad have bragged about and it's like just mayhem. But you need some organization because that allows them to think, right? It gives them, it clears the clutter in their own mind so they can explore and say, what can I do with these things? Or how can these things go together? And then I also want you to think that what you're doing is building independence. And this solo play increases with age and that's common sense. But here are some timeframes and your child might fall into this. It might be a little bit more, a little bit less. A 6 month old who is ready for the high chair, right? And ready to be introduced to a wide variety of flavors and textures, right? That is oral motor play, right? They're exploring these different tastes. They're not necessarily eating just yet, but they should be able to sit there by themselves and do things, whether it's in the high chair or on the floor because they're sitting up in that tripod position for about five minutes, right? So think of your six month old can sit independently and you want to give them that time. If they have a couple of toys in front of them that they're going to explore for about 5 minutes independently and then that 12 month old should be able to play independently again, you're still supervising them it's not good to leave a 12 month old completely on their own, but they can play independently on the other side of the room for about 15 minutes. And then your 18 month old is about 15 to 20 minutes. So is it's starting to stretch and every child's a little bit different, right? Don't, you know, get stuck on rigid boundaries here? But the goal, one of the very doable, realistic goals is for your average 2 year old to be able to play independently for about 30 minutes. So just think, in 24 months, they have experienced enough of this world with you in your environment, with your routines and your reinforcements and your engagement with them that now they can take the ball and run with it and play with their figurines or their swords or their capes or their baby dolls or their teddy bears, whatever. But for 30 minutes, that's very reachable, let them explore. And if they're playing from across the room and they look up at you because again, they still want to be close to us, but they're capable of thinking for themselves, practicing that autonomy. And then you just smile, give them that thumbs up, clap, or say, wow, that looks great, keep going. And then once in a while you can join in with them, right? But you want to always be giving them that opportunity. So if like after breakfast or you have this window of time, you have a couple of things you want to do, you can say, hey, what do you want to play with today? You can be looking at your different bins, you want to build a fort, do you want to dig in the dirt? You can give them some suggestions, some ideas. Do you want to dress up or play with the farm animals? You kind of spark their curiosity. Because remember that us humans, our brains are pretty much designed to conserve energy. Yes, we have a lot of energy sometimes and we can act like we're like, oh, wow, I'm really motivated. But our natural state is more to conserve, to survive in this world. And so your toddler has to practice overriding that inertia and to get up and do something. Because that's where they lean back and say, oh, I'm bored. And you have to help them lean into it. You and I can procrastinate. We can. I am probably one of the world's best procrastinator and almost on a daily basis, I have to resist that. But your kids will follow your lead and say, hey, mama's going to do XYZ over here. You can do this or this. What do you think? Build something or make some cake or whatever. The activity is, but the more they get to practice that, the more natural it becomes for them. And so keep in mind you're gonna have to remind them for these next several years because they, they don't know really how to navigate this, this, this interim step, like, oh, I'm bored, I don't know what to do. Or they don't really have a calendar, although they should. Right, but, and, and that's another topic. We can certainly talk about that. How do you introduce them to these options that they have? Maybe on a calendar board, but at this stage, right, when we're really talking about very young toddlers, 1, 2 and 3, focus on help. Feel like joy and contentment in creating this open ended play activity and remind them that it's not about doing it right. It's about doing whatever is singing to your heart and then sharing it together. Because that's a lot of nice reinforcement. It's very natural. Now, before we keep going, let me say this. If this topic is tugging at you, if you're thinking, wow, this is what I want, but we're not quite there yet. You're not alone. Maybe your toddler can't play without you, maybe your toy shelves are bursting, you have plenty to choose from, but no one's really engaging with them. Or maybe the real challenge is something else. Bedtime battles, picky eating, meltdowns, chaotic mornings, the sky's the limit, right? We're all dealing with something that's really, really tugging at our heart. Well, that's exactly what we can tackle together through my tiny challenge. It's a private one to one coaching week where we zone in on one specific struggle. We map out a clear plan, and in just five short sessions, you can walk away with a new perspective, a doable plan. You can really move that needle forward. Remember, it takes effort to change. And I created this tiny challenge just for you who are eager to learn more, ready for change, but don't really want to feel overwhelmed. I can help you walk that walk and learn through experience. So if you're interested, look down below. There's the description in the show notes. Now let's talk about the tools or the different props. And keep in mind when we're looking at open ended play, you're looking for toys that are really 90% the child's doing and 10% the stuff. And so I've listed a few already here today. All the different blocks, dress up cooking, cleaning, those kitchen supplies, things that you can do outside in the garden, looking at art supply, construction materials, all of Those things, it doesn't have to be fancy, it doesn't have to be elaborate. Especially when you're talking about a 2, 3, even a 4 and a 5 year old. Use what you have, look around your house and say, huh, how can I repurpose this? How can my child learn through using old clothes or old tools or old kitchen stuff? The sky's the limit, like I keep saying here, right? Make a fort with a sheet over the couch. Let them create, let them feel what it's like. And sometimes, sometimes you leave it up there for a day or two and they can continue and expand on that play tomorrow, but help them get started and then back away. And it's really driving the thinking part, but it's also driving language because then they want to share with you, they want to explain, they want to really use what they've learned and share it with people that matter to them. And, and right here I just want to kind of take a moment to look at what does all of my clinical research tell me about this very specific open ended play experience. I'm always sharing with you that anything a therapist does in her therapy room, you, mom, dad, grandparents, you all can do just as well at home. But sometimes having that background knowledge will help motivate you to do it, right, Help you kind of stay in it a little bit longer because you understand the why. You understand that it's not just about entertaining for entertaining sake, but they're wiring their brain, they're building that curiosity. Their right hemisphere and the left hemisphere are working together. So I want to just explain this one concept. It's called scaffolding. And you'll see that in schools and educational programs and therapy programs. But it's really what works through child development or really any of us learning a new skill, right? Their scaffolding involves supporting your child as much as they need in the beginning to complete the task with the intention. And this is the key that you know that once they start doing it for themselves, you, you start to pull back, right? So think of scaffolding on the side of a construction building, right? It supports the men and the women as they build something or shore something up and then they remove it. Once the building can stand on its own, once it's safe. But scaffolding is key in helping all kids learn a new skill, right? We scaffold. When we're helping them learn how to ride a bike, we put training wheels on, right? Or we're running alongside of them, they're scaffolding in teaching them how to Brush their teeth, right? They kind of do it haphazardly. And then we go in there hand over hand and help them scaffolding in learning how to cut their food or tie their shoe or all of that. But it's just as important to use scaffolding in play as well. So, for example, you might hold down the base of his towers as he's building it higher and higher. You might help him tie the knot for his cape or glue two pieces together to make a hat. And so we have to do some scaffolding in the beginning of each one of these learning experiences. And I remember this happened probably for years, that I had these big fat rubber bands. And I would wrap the rubber bands around the train cars because I had all these old different sets. I had some metal cars and plastic and wooden train sets, and lots of my kids, mostly boys, but they would want to make the train as big as possible. And so we would just use these rubber bands to tie them together. Some of them were so old they didn't even snap together, but it was. I helped. And then over time, they started to do it on their own. But I want you to continually think about, yes, there are developmental milestones that we want to support them in and use scaffolding, but also their play skills, also their language skills, also their thinking and problem solving skills. And the scaffolding is to use as much support in the beginning and then slowly step back. And there's lots of studies on this, but there's this one particular one that I always revert back to. And it really found that when mothers scaffolded their child's interest in a variety of activities right at 2 years of age by actually redirecting them and bringing them back to sustain that attention. So say they start to put a couple of blocks together and then they get bored. No, honey, come back. Let's do some more. Look, there are two blocks now let's do three blocks. Let's put all these big blocks together. And you're redirecting them to expand on that play activity. Then the children had better cognitive and social skills at 3 and 4 years of age. So when you scaffold them and keep them engaged for longer periods, then that helps them long term. And what was crucial in this study was, and I'll have the link of the study down below, if you're interested. But the type of scaffolding that you offer has to shift as your child's skill develops. And so in the beginning, you're going to do a lot for them. Right. There's going to be a lot of scaffolding on the side of that, that building, and then you can go in and out. But the same study also looked that or they found that three and a half year olds whose mother provided the most help went on to be less independent and less creative in their thinking and their socialization at 4 and 5 years of age. Of age. So it's, we can't just jump in and do it for them. We give them a model we support a little bit. We start to step back or I do a little. They do a little. You really have to modify your scaffolding so then they can really, like I always say, here, take the ball and run with it. So think another layer to this is that if your toddler is playing with dolls, this is just an example. You can do it with trains too. You can follow their lead while also encouraging them to become more elaborate or to become more extensive with it. And what that means is that. And, and I've seen this so many times with children that I've kind of given them an idea or expanded something that they were interested in. And then the next day or the next session they come in, they remember it and they've taken it to the next level. And so if, for example, your baby is playing with the dolly and they're just rocking it and you say, oh wow, I think she's sleepy, maybe you can sing her a lullaby. And so you're taking it to the next level, you're rocking her now sing her a lullaby or gave her a little pat on the back, put her to bed, you're expanding it. And so it's important that with very young toddlers, we co create or co construct this, this kind of narrative play, right? This is sequential, whether you're cooking or building or putting babies to bed or all of that. And so they really do. And study after study shows this, that they will then make lengthier and deeper engagement or creativity on their own. And so that's, that's that natural part of scaffolding as well. And, and I've seen it over and over again, as I said that they'll come in the next session and they'll begin to elaborate. They, they won't just do exactly what you did last week. So when you play like this, side by side and then step back, you're giving them space, giving them structure. You're not just building their imagination. I know I talk a lot about that, but you're literally building brain architecture. You're building that emotional safety and regulation. You're building language at all levels, Vocabulary language, sentence processing and structure, storytelling, you're building social skills. That infamous thing that is pretty common nowadays but 10, 15 years ago is executive function, right? But that's their ability to focus and then to be flexible. If something doesn't work, how can I do it differently? And then memory, right? They come back later that day or tomorrow or next week and they're like, oh, yeah, I've done this before. Let's see what else I can do, right? So you're building so many layers through this very simple, open ended, open ended, creative play, right? So, and I keep telling everybody this, that your toddler and preschooler and probably even kindergartner, they don't remember all the presents or toys on their birthday or any holiday or Christmas or any of that, but they remember how it feels, right? To when you sing or when you build or when you create or when you tell stories or when you dance or roll around in the leaves or snuggle under a blanket for it or, you know, use a flashlight under your, your, your blanket at night. All of that, those warm fuzzy feelings, they last. And that's what matters. And it's, it's not about being looking good. I just want to encourage you to say, to give you more ideas, to step away from the screens that I've been talking about for the last several weeks and really say, okay, how can I embrace and take on this summer where we can be a little bit more curious, we can be more connected and truly practice unplugged play, Right? Your child's brain, their imagination, their emotional regularity will all thank you. Later on, I want you to remember that if you're feeling stuck or if you're unsure and something is really kind of weighing you down, consider checking out the tiny challenge that I've really created for you, mom, who are in the middle of it and trying to navigate so many different developmental sections on this journey, right? And there's no perfect answer. But, but you and I can work for one week, five days in a row, short sessions, and solve one of your challenges. And then you can gain momentum, you can build confidence, they can build confidence, and you can continue on this journey. So I'm here, don't be shy, and I look forward to walking this journey with you. And the last thing is, if this episode sparks ideas or really helps you clarify, please share it with a friend. I'm looking to really expand my reach and I would want to empower families just like yours to stand up to take charge to embrace the messiness of these years and really watch your child just find him or herself through everyday activities. So thanks again for spending your time with me. I really appreciate it. God bless. And I'll see you next week on Talking Toddlers.