Talking Toddlers Ep. 134

Your Toddler Doesn’t Need a Bigger Christmas – They Need a Calmer One
Host: Erin Hyer
Date: December 16, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Erin Hyer discusses why a “calmer” Christmas—not a “bigger” one—meets toddlers’ developmental needs best. Drawing on her expertise as a speech-language pathologist, Erin explains how holiday overload affects young children’s nervous systems and offers concrete, gentle strategies for parents to create soothing and supportive holiday experiences. The episode is packed with practical tips, developmental explanations, and affirming advice for moms navigating the pressures and noise of the season.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Holiday Overload on the Toddler Brain

• Erin opens by reminding listeners that toddlers’ right brains are in the driver’s seat—meaning they process the world through feelings, sounds, and sights, not through language or logic.

  "Remember, during these early years, that right hemisphere is really the driver... So they're going to take it all in by the feeling, by the noise, by the looks and the sounds." (00:00)

• Holiday environments—bright lights, loud noises, new people, disrupted routines, and high expectations—can overwhelm toddlers who can’t yet self-regulate.

  "If your toddler seems to be listening less during the holidays, melting down faster, clinging harder, or just feeling really off... what you're seeing right now isn't misbehavior. It's a nervous system waving a white flag." (01:11)

• Erin uses a compelling analogy:

  "Your toddler's nervous system is a bit like an old AM radio. When the routines are steady, the signal comes through clearly. But when the environment keeps shifting, the signal drops into static. And that static is what we often label as misbehavior." (01:36)

• Key message: The solution isn’t to correct a child, but to help steady that “signal” before things fall apart.

Personal Story: The Mall Incident

• Erin tells a vivid story of losing a friend’s toddler in a mall during Christmas, highlighting how the child’s meltdown came not from misbehavior or curiosity, but from pure overwhelm and fear (03:14).

  "I wanted to also see his face, like, what the heck are you doing? But what I saw actually stopped me cold. He looked terrified. The same overwhelmed nervous system I saw in that moment is also the same nervous system that looks more like meltdowns and clinging and shutting down and not listening in the average toddler..." (04:03)

• She emphasizes seeing things from a toddler’s point of view: the world is huge, noisy, and sometimes “toxic” at this level.

Three Simple Buffers for a Calmer Holiday

1. Arrive Early and Slowly Acclimate

• Arrive early at gatherings to give your child a quiet chance to adapt before the house fills up.
• Early arrival is not for your child to be “on display,” but to find their footing before things get busy.

"If you're going to somebody else's home, try to arrive a little bit earlier than everybody else. Not so your child can perform and not so they can be passed around, but so they can adapt quietly at their own pace." (08:25)

• Erin encourages parents to stand firm against well-meaning but dismissive family comments and prioritize the child's needs:

  "This is where I strongly encourage you to find courage, to be strong, loving and firm." (09:01)

2. Use Food as Regulation (Not Performance)

• Feed your child before you go or bring familiar snacks. Predictable, safe food helps toddlers feel secure and regulated.
• This is not the time for new foods, dinner table negotiations, or high manner expectations.

"Food isn't just nutrition, it is regulation. If you can, I always encourage, feed your child before you go, or... bring familiar foods with you." (12:35) "This is not... the time to insist on big manners either. And definitely not the time to just one more bite kind of thing." (13:13)

• Watch sweets carefully—sugar plus overload is a tough combination.

3. Protect the First 10–15 Minutes

• No immediate handoffs, greetings, or forced socializing. Let your child "arrive," observe, and stay close to you at first.

  "That means no immediate handoffs, right? Or no say hi, say hi. No pressure to perform or wave or hug or share." (15:08)

• These first minutes set the nervous system’s status for the event—safe and settled, or overwhelmed and disconnected.

  "Those first 10, 15 minutes really tell the nervous system two things. One of two things. I'm safe, I'm connected, or this is overwhelming, and I feel disconnected." (16:02)

• It’s okay (and often best) to be the first to leave as well as the first to arrive.

Mindset Shift: Parenting by Steadying, Not Pushing

• Erin reframes the idea of “lowering expectations”:

  "You're not lowering the expectations because you think your child is weak and can't handle it. You're adjusting the environment because you recognize and respect that your child is still growing." (19:22)

• She encourages parental “leadership” during toddlerhood—making intentional, respectful adjustments to help children thrive.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The goal during the holidays isn't to correct your child. It's to steady the signal before things fall apart.” (02:47)
• “Get down on your knees for a moment and look up. See what the room looks like through your child's eyes.” (07:50)
• “These aren't traditions to be performed. They're rituals that tell your child's nervous system: Hmm. This is familiar. I remember this. This is safe. This is home.” (22:25)
• “January isn't about fixing your child or fixing you. It's about building rhythm so you're not white knuckling your days or second guessing yourself.” (24:01)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – The toddler’s right brain perspective & nervous system in crowds
• 01:11 – How holiday overload shows up as “misbehavior”
• 03:14 – Story: The lost toddler at the mall
• 08:25 – Buffer 1: Arrive early for smoother acclimation
• 12:35 – Buffer 2: Food as regulation, not a test
• 15:08 – Buffer 3: Protect the first 10–15 minutes, no pressure to perform
• 19:22 – Mindset: Respecting development, not lowering expectations
• 22:25 – Building familiar, rhythmic rituals over big performances
• 24:01 – Looking ahead: Rhythm for the new year, parental clarity

Takeaways & Tone

Erin’s tone is gentle, wise, and supportive, emphasizing understanding development over striving for holiday perfection. She validates parental intuition, urging moms to trust themselves, move away from guilt and “white knuckling,” and focus on small, intentional choices that help their child feel safe and connected.

The big takeaway: What toddlers most need at Christmas isn’t more stimulation—it’s more calm, rhythm, and the steady security of loving, intentional parenting.

[Note: Discovery call and coaching offer details (24:45+) are excluded per instructions.]