Episode Overview

Podcast: Talking Toddlers
Host: Erin Hyer
Episode: You’re Not Behind (Yet) — This Matters More Than Words (Ep 139)
Date: January 20, 2026

This episode emphasizes that while parents often worry about their babies or toddlers falling behind, what truly matters in early development happens before words are spoken. Erin Hyer, a seasoned speech-language pathologist, guides listeners through understanding the foundational systems supporting language, why traditional milestones can be misleading, and how everyday routines—not extra stimulation—nurture healthy communication and growth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining “Falling Behind”

• Modern parents are bombarded with pressure and uncertainty, worrying whether their children are on track.
• Erin reassures listeners:

  “You’re not behind, at least not yet. And I want you to really hear that, because worry has a way of tightening everything… even how you show up with your child.” — Erin Hyer [00:52]

2. The Hidden System Behind Words

• Speech and understanding aren't measured just by word count.
• Before words appear, a complex system is forming:
  • Listening
  • Organizing sound
  • Staying regulated
• “Talking and understanding don’t develop the way most parents think they do… long before words show up, your child’s brain is building something words grow out of.” — Erin Hyer [01:30]

3. Most Problems Start with Missing Information, Not Bad Parenting

• Developmental delays often stem from lack of knowledge—not poor parenting.
• Many challenges could be addressed earlier through awareness and daily habits, not just professional therapy.

• “Those challenges weren’t about bad parenting. They were about missing information.” — Erin Hyer [04:45]

4. How Babies’ Brains Develop Auditory Systems

• Development begins before birth:
  • Auditory system forms in utero (hearing heartbeat by 18 weeks, external/muffled sounds by 24 weeks)
  • Babies learn to distinguish voices, focus on human speech and face recognition.

• “By 28, 29 weeks, they begin to recognize voices… especially through consistent sound exposure of the mother’s voice. And that makes sense, right? You’re connected.” — Erin Hyer [08:00]

5. Listening is Harder Than it Seems

• Babies and toddlers expend immense energy just decoding sound.
• If all energy is spent listening, there’s little left for producing speech.

• “Some children were working so hard just to listen, that the truth was they didn’t have much left to actually respond with… Their bandwidth was spent.” — Erin Hyer [14:50]

• Silence isn’t resistance, stubbornness, or refusal—often it’s an overloaded system.

6. The Role of Environment: Quiet, Rhythm & Repetition

• External stimulation (background noise, screens, hasty questions) drains kids’ processing power.
• Past generations benefited from quieter routines, slow transitions, predictable rhythms.

• “Modern life has removed many of those pauses, and without them… the brain stays in more of a reactive mode… it never gets time to sit in it and process it and store it.” — Erin Hyer [22:20]

7. The Real Meaning of Play

• “Play” isn’t the opposite of learning—it’s how babies and toddlers learn.
• Simple, everyday routines (like taking a bath or sorting laundry) are core learning experiences.
• Movement, rhythm, and joy support attention, memory, and regulation.

8. Big Feelings: A System Capacity Issue

• Emotional “overloads” in children often reflect underlying system strain, not personality or behavioral flaws.

• “What looks like emotional overload or those big feelings is really a system that hasn’t had enough space or time to build strength and flexibility and solidness.” — Erin Hyer [27:40]

9. What Parents Can Do: Prevention and Foundations

• Don’t focus on drilling for more words; focus on creating the right developmental conditions.
• Prevention is less about doing more, and more about doing what matters most—finding rhythms, routines, and real connection.

• “You don’t need to do more. You need to do what matters first and honestly. That’s why I believe so strongly in prevention. Not because children are fragile or unable, but because development takes time and it takes responsive engagement to build.” — Erin Hyer [32:00]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On parental worry:

  “Worry has a way of tightening everything. Your body, your thinking, even how you show up with your child.” [00:59]

• On everyday life as the foundation of growth:

  “There’s nothing magical about a therapy room… and there’s nothing that a therapist does that can’t be supported or replicated every day in real life.” [03:55]

• On silence and missed expectations:

  “Silence doesn’t mean that they won’t or that they’re being resistant. It often means that I can’t do it yet. I don’t have enough bandwidth. I’m still lining up the connectors.” [16:55]

• On modern distractions:

  “This is why background noise matters, why screens can complicate things, and why rushing questions can really shut kids down, and why rhythm and routine and predictability help support it all.” [18:25]

Timestamps for Core Segments

• Introduction & the problem with “You’re behind” thinking – [00:52]
• Understanding what happens before words – [01:30]
• Erin’s background and reason for starting the podcast – [03:15]
• How the auditory system develops in infants – [07:30]
• The internal experience of listening for toddlers – [14:10]
• Why “less stimulation” often means more progress – [20:50]
• The relational power of play and rhythm – [24:45]
• Rethinking “big feelings” and regulation – [27:20]
• Final guidance: prevention, not panic – [32:00]

Practical Takeaways for Parents

• Observe your daily routines: Are you giving your child time and space to process?
• Prioritize quiet, slow transitions, and predictable patterns.
• Engage in simple, shared activities—mealtimes, play, chores—with genuine attention.
• Don’t be swayed by milestones or word lists—focus on the relational, sensory, and rhythmic aspects of daily life.
• If you’re unsure, prevention and upstream support are more helpful than waiting until something goes wrong.

For more support: Erin offers “Discovery Calls”—focused conversations to analyze your routines, not formal assessments—to help you shape a healthy developmental environment.

“The goal, honestly, is about prevention, about staying upstream and supporting strong foundations while the brain is still incredibly malleable, incredibly adaptable.” — Erin Hyer [34:20]

In summary:
You’re not behind—not yet. The groundwork for your toddler’s thriving doesn’t begin with vocabulary drills or flashcards, but with the calm, enriched, and connected environment you nurture every day. Respond to your child’s needs now—because what matters most is what happens before the words appear.