Loading summary
Transcript355 lines
- [00:05]
A
Hi, you've reached Hell Blonde. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. I'm recording a podcast and we're probably talking about you, so you should listen. Today we've got a special guest. You might have seen her pop up on your for you page with beauty, lifestyle, contents and her don't give a fuck energy, which I love about her. Give it up for Haley Jackman. It's Haley M. Jackman, right? On your socials.
- [00:27]
B
Yeah, but it's just Haley Jackman and.
- [00:29]
A
M is obviously your middle name.
- [00:30]
B
Yeah, my middle names. Mercedes.
- [00:33]
A
Mercedes. Oh, I love that. And that's your brand's name. So that's how it all tied together.
- [00:36]
B
Yeah, okay.
- [00:37]
A
I love it. So kind of going into this podcast, I feel like we're very similar in a sense of what we post online. It's a lot about breakups, traumas, friendships, friendship breakups, things that we've gone through and we're just sharing it for people to know. And of course, people only get those 30 seconds a minute content that we provide. But I feel like this is going to be so good for you because now you can explain the background of.
- [01:08]
B
It everything without getting blasted all the time. And everything that you post, I feel like, resonates really deeply.
- [01:17]
A
Really? Like what, though? Like, when you say that, what do you think? Like, what posts?
- [01:22]
B
Like, when things happen to you. I know that, like, you'll go to TikTok too. Like, I can like tell that, like when things happen, like the next morning you're opening your phone and you're like, okay. And I do the exact same thing and then I post and sometimes I'm like, ooh. And then always comes to the cost, I feel like. But I think it's worth it.
- [01:41]
A
And we've dedicated. Like, you've done it for what, two years now?
- [01:44]
B
Yeah, like just almost two years.
- [01:47]
A
And we've essentially, for those two years or three years or whatever how long it's been for me, we've dedicated our lives to it. So it's almost like everything about us is online, which comes with pros and comes with cons.
- [02:00]
B
A hundred percent. I feel like things like, happen all the time where I'm like. Or especially. Cause like, I'm still in high school where like anything that happens, it's like, oh, are you gonna go post a TikTok about it? And I'm like.
- [02:13]
A
Or people think like, shit, if I'm doing something with her, if I say something, it's gonna get posted.
- [02:19]
B
I can't even go on a Drive with a guy without them expecting I'm gonna post. I'm like, no, no, no. Like, that's not. I'm like, as long as you're not like, fucking up, then they're not getting posted.
- [02:28]
A
I don't. We don't lie. We just say what happens in our life. So if you're not a fucking asshole, I won't call you a f. Cking asshole.
- [02:35]
B
Then you're not getting blasted. Yeah.
- [02:36]
A
And you're probably never gonna be brought up.
- [02:38]
B
Never ever getting brought up.
- [02:40]
A
So are you single right now?
- [02:42]
B
Completely.
- [02:43]
A
Like the most single you've ever been in your life.
- [02:45]
B
Yeah. Like, I talked like this one guy a lot, but I also, like, don't know if it like, it's like really chill.
- [02:53]
A
Okay.
- [02:54]
B
So I don't think.
- [02:55]
A
Because recently, I feel like this was recently. I think it popped up on my for you page. You posted a TikTok that said, I've battled 10 months of hate over a breakup people know nothing about.
- [03:07]
B
Yeah.
- [03:08]
A
And was that your past relationship?
- [03:10]
B
Yes, I. That is my ex boyfriend.
- [03:12]
A
Can you give us a little story time to how that ends? Cause I know it was a little traumatizing from a few tiktoks that I saw and the OHL hockey boy culture. I don't know how we feel about that. Talk to me.
- [03:28]
B
I get blasted every single time I post anything about my ex boyfriend. So every single comment is like, get over it, you're embarrassing yourself. Which I posted a TikTok about this the other day. How weird it is that girls comment that in general, I can never imagine seeing someone post something and being like, dude, shut up about your ex boyfriend. No one gives a fuck. If I see a girl about her ex boyfriend. I'm turning my volume up. I'm like, okay, tell me everything. And that's just not the case. And I feel like a lot of the time it is girls from where he lives now, I'm assuming. Because people. People where I live don't really talk about it.
- [04:06]
A
Why do you feel you're hated? Because obviously they comment on your posts or what is it that's also scary. What helped you and pushed you into wanting to go to Western where your ex boyfriend plays? Or did he play?
- [04:20]
B
Yeah, he still plays there.
- [04:21]
A
He still plays there.
- [04:22]
B
Which I feel like I've gotten a lot of questions about this. And I had to block out the fact that he went there because once I never wanted to go to school and then once I did, I was like, I wanted to go to Western. Like from what I Had seen even. Especially because I had been so involved in it. From what I was dealing with on the other end of it was I was like being on other end of him being there. He was hanging out with all these Western girls, going to their dorms, hanging out with them, going to Delilah's, doing April. I'm so excited to see Delilah's in real life because I've just heard so much about it. I feel like I've been there and I just like had to put aside that he lived there. And then when it came to actually school, there wasn't any other schools that I applied for. A lot of them were more business y. And I wanted to do media and communications. And that was like the only other university between that and Ottawa that had a media and communication.
- [05:21]
A
So going like going to live at Western. Are you scared about any backlash from any girls noticing you? Because you do post a lot online. People will recognize you. Are you scared about any of that or what's your kind of thought process? You're just trying to not worry about it, putting it a different place in your head and worrying about yourself or what? Take me through where your head's kind of at for that.
- [05:43]
B
Well, I feel like here where I live especially. Cause I live in this smaller town in general, which is smaller than London, so I already experienced the whole saying hi, watching my tiktoks, like people coming up to me knowing up know what's happening.
- [05:57]
A
Yeah.
- [05:57]
B
So that part of it doesn't change anything. Am I worried? Slightly. But in the sense of like, if you went and got with him. We aren't friends.
- [06:09]
A
Yeah.
- [06:09]
B
And we will not be friends, period. And I feel like. I don't know if that's rude to say because, like, sorry, but like, he was like my whole life for like my all of high school. I don't really remember, like, high school before without him in it. So, like, he went and did his own thing for whatnot. Like, that's his own business.
- [06:26]
A
But after you.
- [06:27]
B
Yes, after. After we broke up. To clarify, he did not cheat on me. Okay. Everyone thinks he cheated on me. He did not cheat on me.
- [06:34]
A
Well, I feel like people assume because that's the. That's the biggest thing that is common for OHL hockey boys is to cheat on their girlfriends.
- [06:43]
B
Yeah. And he did not cheat on me. He broke up with me before he cheated on me. Okay. And that was like, also a big thing because he was like, why are you telling people I'm cheating? Like, I'm not. They're assuming everyone's Just assuming that. Which. That was also hard. Hard. It was hard. Really, really hard for me to go through a breakup publicly.
- [07:00]
A
Oh, I bet. And it's also hard to have people throwing names at you of other girls that may have been with him. And then you seeing that or you hearing about it because people just commented on my post. Yeah.
- [07:15]
B
That's how I found out about the girls that I was getting.
- [07:17]
A
We. And I. Like, in a crazy way, I agree with you. Like, I don't want. If I'm dating someone or just broke up with them and they are with other people and it still is hurting me from that breakup. Cause feelings don't just go away with a snap of a finger when you break up. No, it.
- [07:32]
B
Exactly.
- [07:33]
A
I don't wanna be friends with people that. I won't hate you. I won't punch you in the face, but I don't wanna be. I don't want you to be in my circle.
- [07:40]
B
It wasn't even that I didn't like them. It was more just like, guys. I was going through it, like, to the absolute max. And I struggled so hard. Like, when I go on. That's how I found out. The first time. And before me, he had never touched another girl.
- [07:58]
A
What?
- [08:00]
B
So that was like. When I found out about the first girl after, I went manic, and she was way older than him, and I also went manic.
- [08:09]
A
So for context, when did you start dating? How old were you?
- [08:15]
B
Okay. It was like, on and off.
- [08:16]
A
How did you meet?
- [08:17]
B
We started talking November of 2021.
- [08:23]
A
Okay.
- [08:23]
B
And we weren't allowed to date.
- [08:26]
A
You weren't allowed to date?
- [08:27]
B
Yeah.
- [08:27]
A
Who made that clear?
- [08:30]
B
His parents didn't let us date until it was pretty much like, you're not dating. And then I moved to a school.
- [08:36]
A
Because of hockey or just because that was their culture?
- [08:41]
B
No, I think it was more like. I just. I think it was more them just, like, in his ear, being like, you shouldn't have a girlfriend. I don't think it was like, you can't. But it wasn't supported.
- [08:51]
A
So were you, like, hidden from his family?
- [08:54]
B
Yeah, we'd hang out at the movies. We'd hang out when he was with his friends. He'd go to his friend's house. They'd come to my house. We'd just do everything to just.
- [09:01]
A
That's kind of hot. No, like, that's kind of sexy. It's like you're hiding.
- [09:05]
B
Snuck into his house for, like, four years.
- [09:08]
A
Honestly. Power move. Did you do it through, like, did you crouch and, like, Go through the window or did he just let you in the back door?
- [09:14]
B
Just like, when no one was home, I'd go over.
- [09:16]
A
I did that too with my first boyfriend. I. He let me in the back door and we'd go down and we'd get to it in the basement. And it was still a point where, like, you had to get taxis at my. Like, I was grade nine summer.
- [09:30]
B
I would. His dad would go to work in the morning and I'd uber over at 5:30.
- [09:34]
A
That's 5 fucking 30. You were committed?
- [09:38]
B
Yeah.
- [09:38]
A
And they had no cameras or anything?
- [09:40]
B
No, they eventually got a camera, but I.
- [09:42]
A
Because they suspected it.
- [09:43]
B
I don't know if it. No. I don't remember what holiday it was, but it was like Easter or something. And like, his, like, mom gifted his dad like a ring camera.
- [09:52]
A
Oh, fuck off.
- [09:53]
B
But it was like on the other side.
- [09:55]
A
Give me a break. You're ruining all my fun.
- [09:57]
B
It was like the door was like. See, the door was here. Then like, the garage came up and then the door was on the side. So I would just walk up the neighbors and then go in the side door and Easy, easy.
- [10:07]
A
Like, she. Honestly, that was dumb of her. She should have thought better about it.
- [10:11]
B
Yeah. He was like. And I think they thought they were a lot closer with him than they were. But, like, they weren't. There was no sort of anything to do with, like, oh, like, talk to us. Like, be comfortable here. It was okay, we're not gonna support it. Okay, so now he's hiding it from you. And that's the way I always looked at it was like, I never felt like until we dated. That's a completely different story. But before that, if they would have just been open about it, then they would have known. Yeah.
- [10:37]
A
And we would have hung out.
- [10:39]
B
They would have known a lot more. We would have hung out under their circumstance. They didn't want me to be around, so he was obviously not going to tell them.
- [10:47]
A
And I think nine times out of 10, a lot of the stories go. If your parents say, don't drink. Your parents say, don't, like, have sex. If your parents say all these things and put that on you at a young age, you want to rebel. You want to do it. So. So it might have even made it worse for them and made you guys do everything faster because they put that.
- [11:07]
B
And we hung out like once a month when it was like no one was home. So it was like, what did you expect?
- [11:12]
A
Exactly. And then at what point of these relationships did you start doing social media? Were you even there?
- [11:20]
B
I was starting social media the first time we dated, but we had a no posting him on TikTok rule.
- [11:25]
A
And why? Because of his mom or because of him?
- [11:27]
B
I don't remember. I just remember I wasn't allowed to post him on TikTok. I also remember, like, because I get, like, video, you know, like, there's that update thing on TikTok now where, like, it gives you, like, they're like, oh, like two years ago. And it's in the circle thing. Yeah, so I'll get that. And it was like, when there's like. I got one the other day. It was like three years ago, and it was like one of the cutest TikTok trends going around, but my boyfriend doesn't let me post them on TikTok.
- [11:49]
A
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [11:51]
B
And this was also in, like, the weird. Like, it's like this weird, awkward stage where you don't have a lot of followers. Like, I was like. I'd say I had, like 10k followers, so I still wasn't. Like, I didn't have a lot, but I also didn't have, like, a little. But it wasn't enough that he was like, oh, this is cool. I also wasn't doing brand deals yet or anything. So it was kind of just like the cringy, awkward stage of, like, just starting. When I was just starting and I had followers originally. Keep that in mind. I didn't just started zero and now I was at 10K. Like, I had, like, I guess, like, thirst trap TikTok of me just, like, singing and dancing. So, like, when I started making TikTok, I had 10k.
- [12:29]
A
Okay. So for the people that have watched you through that relationship, they've only seen that you were dating an ohl guy. They only saw that you had, like, off and on. And that he now goes to Western. They didn't know, well, he doesn't go.
- [12:46]
B
To Western or that he plays there or lives there. Yeah.
- [12:50]
A
And what is it that they don't know? Like, what's the missing pieces to the puzzle?
- [12:55]
B
No one knows why we broke up. And I feel like I've made myself look like a fool on the Internet, which everyone knows that. He's told me that a million times. Like, you're making yourself look like an idiot. You know what I mean? Just, like, posting. Like, I'd post stuff like when he went and would get with other girls right after we broke up, which he claimed that wasn't why. And either way, whether it was or wasn't, I was still so upset and so hurt. Like, I vividly remember the first time I found out that he got with somebody else. Someone commented on my TikTok on a fake account and was like, blank. Blank is better in bed. And I was like, I did not put two and two together. I didn't even think about it. And then, like, everyone started screenshotting it and sending it to me and screenshotting that he followed this girl.
- [13:40]
A
What in the.
- [13:41]
B
So when I started. When I started texting him, it was on Thanksgiving and my whole family was over, and he was like, I don't need to tell you. And then I think he realized real quick that I knew. And I, like, uno, reverse, kind of. And I, like, went all night. So I was like, no. Like, I don't care at all.
- [13:59]
A
Like, just tell me.
- [14:00]
B
Yeah. Like.
- [14:00]
A
And I like, I'll open a second.
- [14:04]
B
So chill. The whole night, like, I was like, just tell me everything. I'd just rather know. Like, I'm really not mad at you. I just, like, need to know. And he was bawling his eyes out, telling me everything that happened. And then if you're that sad, don't do it. Yeah. And then the next day, I posted a TikTok, as you should.
- [14:24]
A
That's your life. And also, everyone knew reverse is the easiest way to get a man to tell the truth.
- [14:29]
B
Easiest. I don't care. It's like, tell. Like, I will get back together with.
- [14:34]
A
You if you tell me if you cheated on me. And they tell you, and you're like, fuck you.
- [14:39]
B
What the fuck is wrong?
- [14:40]
A
So why would you do that? Yeah, but it works for some crazy.
- [14:43]
B
Delusional way, because when you're screaming, they don't want. They don't want to listen. They're like, oh, never mind. So I just, like, was, like, calm as a cucumber.
- [14:51]
A
Smart girl.
- [14:52]
B
But then we started. Like, there was so many times throughout the year where I would find out he was getting with girls, and then I'd get mad. Or girls would get mad at me, like, beefing me about my TikTok, saying, like, just get over him. And I'm like, this man's texting me every day that he still loves me and wishes he could be with me. Like, what do you mean they don't get over it? You don't know shit.
- [15:12]
A
No, you're just a fuck that he had. I'm the girl that he's texting every five minutes, leading me on again or still interested in you, but he won't.
- [15:20]
B
Making me look stupid, which is Fine. He's still texting me.
- [15:23]
A
So do you wish that you shared with social media or told your side more of the story of that kind of stuff, or are you happy with the way that you went about it?
- [15:35]
B
I partially wish I didn't say anything.
- [15:38]
A
In what way? Like, didn't even share the relationship in general?
- [15:41]
B
No, I just wish I said we just broke up and then that was it. Because I kind of proved his parents that were so worried that I was gonna post on social media, but they made it worse, so that was why I posted it. If he had broken up with me by his choice, no one else's, I don't think I would have ever said anything on social media.
- [16:01]
A
And are we saying whose choice it was for the breakup?
- [16:04]
B
It was not his.
- [16:05]
A
Are we leaving at that?
- [16:07]
B
It was his parents, and they literally forced him to break up with me.
- [16:11]
A
Which is fucking insane.
- [16:14]
B
And I have, like, receipts, videos of, like, him reading me text messages. Text messages of them texting them. It wasn't like, me being delusional of him just saying, like, using it as an excuse. Yeah, like, it wasn't him using it as an excuse. It was like us bawling on the phone for months every single night because he didn't understand why they didn't like me over a situation, that there was nothing I could have done about it.
- [16:37]
A
Which also, like, contributes to your emotions. Like, that's another reason why you felt the need to share more and more or said the things that you did online because you were going through so much as to. That's someone that you still probably wanted to be with for a certain amount of time or I don't even know how long. But for someone to break that up at such a young age and make a decision for you and then have to hear that he's with other girls but he still loves you and, like, that is messy. And that plays with your fucking head. I couldn't even imagine what was going on in your head.
- [17:10]
B
And then I was, like, trying to, like, produce content as we do without, like, blasting these girls or blasting him. So I was, like, trying to, like, make it ready with me and, like, talking. I'm like, one thing I've always, like, stood by is like, I'm not going to make my social media platform where it looks like my life is butter, like butterflies and roses, when it's not. So when it really wasn't, I was like. It almost was to the point where, like, it was better to post because.
- [17:34]
A
I was, like, relatable.
- [17:36]
B
I didn't know what else to post because, like, my brain wasn't processing, like, other content of what to make. Like, I was like, I. I am literally miserable. I've been crying in my bed puking over the situation for the last two weeks. Yes. I've always hung out, like, okay, he was doing it. I guess I can admit I was doing it. The best way to get over somebody is to get under someone, which I was just. Even hanging out with guys, going on drives, hanging out in groups, getting that attention. Also literally just hanging out with my friends. I will say, though, my friends saved my life in this situation because the person that I was with all the time, his mom was making sure we weren't texting, texting him. Like, you better not be texting. His dad was following up every hour, making sure that we weren't together. And like, at the beginning, when you tell them they can't, they're still going to. And when he came home at Christmas, what do you think happened?
- [18:32]
A
You guys saw each other?
- [18:33]
B
Yeah. At three in the morning and left his phone at home.
- [18:37]
A
Like, what did they expect? And why did they feel the need to rip you guys apart? You're young, in love. Let the kids be kids.
- [18:46]
B
And I'm not saying it was even, like, the best. It was definitely toxic. Like, we definitely fought and stuff. But like, like any relationship, it wasn't like we were abusing each other. There was a reason to, like, be like, you cannot be with them. It was just like, they didn't like me anymore. And I guess. Which I don't know why, because I was so unbelievably nice. And she switched up in a span of a week when I went on the podcast.
- [19:13]
A
Interesting. But she switched up before she even saw the podcast herself.
- [19:19]
B
Yes. Just that. What? I was going on one, and then I mentioned him because I admitted to mentioning him.
- [19:24]
A
I think it is a blessing in disguise that it didn't work out with or I don't know if is. Are we still talking to him or. We're not.
- [19:31]
B
No. No, I have not texted him. He did end up being a thing with this girl for, like, a while, I'm pretty sure.
- [19:38]
A
And that from where the line like.
- [19:41]
B
Right after we hung out, I found out that they were talking and I told her with screenshots and everything. And I will say, like, I have done some crazy, crazy shit where, like. But it was more to just prove to everyone that he still.
- [19:54]
A
Yeah. How do you not know that he's still in love with me?
- [19:58]
B
Yeah. And that was like, the Hard thing for me was, like, he also would tell everyone he was crazy and then come, like, sleep in my bed. So, like, I would be like, okay, like, these, like, bitches are dumb. And that's where I, like, would, like, go do crazy things myself.
- [20:11]
A
Like, in what way?
- [20:13]
B
Like, one.
- [20:14]
A
Oh, we all have our crazy guys.
- [20:17]
B
I promise you. I was fucked up at one point. But he had a tournament near me, and I just drove outside of the hotel and paused my location there for, like, until he went home. So everyone in London saw us, our locations together at the hotel, and he started spamming me, asking me where this was. Where did this.
- [20:39]
A
Snapchat.
- [20:40]
B
Yeah, like, our location said it was together, and everyone could see that we were together. So I turned my location on for everyone too. Like, and I don't have it on for everyone. Like, I have it on for, like, four people. And I just turned it on for everybody and just, like, left it on the whole time he was there. So everyone was like, he starts spamming me. Also broke no contact to text me and be like, who are you with? He thought I was with one of his teammates. So he was like, who are you.
- [21:05]
A
Getting with right now?
- [21:06]
B
Like, what are you doing spamming me? Who are you talking to? Whose room are you in? Whose room are you in right now?
- [21:12]
A
You understood the assignment. Thank you. I am here to piss off you and the girls that are pissing me off.
- [21:18]
B
And I've done that, and it worked.
- [21:20]
A
Mission accomplished. Why do you think these girls or people are, like, looking at Snapchat to see where you are so up in that past relationship? Why do you think people care so much?
- [21:31]
B
I think because I was posting a lot of content that was very, like, he's still texting me. And he was saying the opposite of, like, no, I'm not. We're not texting. We're not talking. Which I would also tell him, like, I won't tell anyone. Which I guess that's kind of my fault. But at the same time, like, if he would have just owned up to it, like, it's your ex girlfriend. You know how people get with their exes. Like, reduce and recycle. Like, it's not that deep. If you would have just owned up to it and been like, yeah, I saw her at Christmas. Like, who hasn't seen their ex at Christmas?
- [22:02]
A
Well, he didn't want other girls to know because he wanted to still have his cake and eat it too.
- [22:07]
B
Yeah. And he was talking to this one girl. Like, I was mentioning where I. I had told her, which Is why we've never spoken again. Which I told her. I made a group chat and I told her that he was at my house, like, two weeks ago, and he lied. And I. Proof, ring, camera, proof, anything. Proof you needed. And she was like, you're a fucking crazy bitch. I love a crazy bitch. I never talked to him again. I've never texted him since.
- [22:38]
A
I think it's honestly, like, very empowering for us to be crazy bitches. Well, we. It's almost like we're smarter than some people.
- [22:46]
B
Fully agree. I have never met a man that goes back to their nonchalant ex girlfriend.
- [22:53]
A
Do you want to be bored then?
- [22:54]
B
Ever yet ever. I've never.
- [22:56]
A
You want fun and be exhilarated every day of your life? Come to the crazy side.
- [23:01]
B
I have never met anybody that, like, even any of my guy friends that have been like. Like, some of my guy friends have, like, chill, cool ex girlfriends. Like, just nonchalant, don't care. They're never chasing after them. They're chasing after the ones that are throwing eggs at their house or something.
- [23:15]
A
Right. Have you ever thrown eggs in a man's house?
- [23:17]
B
No.
- [23:17]
A
Me either.
- [23:18]
B
I've never.
- [23:18]
A
How do you.
- [23:19]
B
I've never done anything like that.
- [23:21]
A
I've never vandalized.
- [23:22]
B
I've never vandalized. I've sat outside of a house being like, get the fuck out of here right now.
- [23:28]
A
But you didn't egg it.
- [23:29]
B
But I didn't do anything.
- [23:30]
A
You didn't vandalize.
- [23:32]
B
No.
- [23:32]
A
So would you say you like the, like, drama, toxic kind of relationships? That's what you're drawn to, or.
- [23:40]
B
Yes, but it got old. Not anymore.
- [23:42]
A
Okay. And why do you think you were drawn to.
- [23:45]
B
Was just. He was like, all I ever knew, so if it was with him, it was fine. Like, if we'd fight, we'd argue, even just, like, one of those situations where, like, you don't want to start over with somebody new kind of. Where that was, like, kind of what I was stuck in. But after everything went down there, I realized really quickly that I'm not into.
- [24:03]
A
Getting treated, like, less than the bare minimum.
- [24:07]
B
Yeah. No. Like, I want you to, like, drive to me whenever. Like, do everything under the moon. Like, be all over me. Like, holding your hand in public should be a issue.
- [24:15]
A
Oh, God.
- [24:16]
B
Public affection. That's a massive thing for me. And if you can't do that, I am just, like. It's very.
- [24:21]
A
No, you are a child if you can't do that.
- [24:23]
B
I know.
- [24:24]
A
Especially if you're dating in a committed relationship fully Agree. But I think that it is so necessary for people to go to university single.
- [24:34]
B
I agree.
- [24:34]
A
Because you have. And people can say whatever they want, but going through it, you get more opportunities when you're single. You get to have different friend groups of guys and nobody can say anything. You don't have to explain yourself. You can go and stay up till 5am with, in a different dorm room with other people and have so much fun and not have to explain it to anyone.
- [24:56]
B
Did you go to university single?
- [24:58]
A
Yeah, I went in and then I found out he was fucking my best friend. So then I remember this. Yeah. So basically after that whole thing then.
- [25:09]
B
Yes, I've said since we broke up, I was like trying to stay single, which I feel like right now I am single. Like, I wouldn't be against going to university. Not single. Like if, like I end up having a boyfriend, which I give them the benefit of the doubt and like, whatever. Like, I'm a very like, loyal person which, like, if I end up dating anyone, like, I would be like, okay, like, that's perfectly fine. I wouldn't like, change it for me. But I do agree, like, I've tried. That's like something where I keep like telling myself, like, I feel like it's better that way. But also if I went to university and I ended up being single, I think it's like kind of the same thing.
- [25:48]
A
Every girl has an athlete phase. I can guarantee it. Or they want to, even if they haven't achieved it. But everyone has that and it's honestly, I recommend you do it now to keep riding that wave, then do it later on because they do fuck you over. It makes you a better person, it makes you stronger. And then you'll be like, okay, done that, been there, wherever. And then you'll find the lawyer or the entrepreneur.
- [26:17]
B
What's your type?
- [26:20]
A
I mean, I just, I go for the fuck boys.
- [26:24]
B
Okay.
- [26:24]
A
Unfortunately, like, do as I say, don't do as I do.
- [26:28]
B
Okay.
- [26:28]
A
I love like a scruffy man. I love the loudest in the room. And a guy that's just like, doesn't give a fuck about anyone, doesn't like, ick you out. No.
- [26:38]
B
Okay.
- [26:39]
A
And I. But it's never.
- [26:41]
B
They always feel like the jealous, like, type. Like, do you get like, jealous? Because, like, that's something I'm working on.
- [26:46]
A
I get jealous for sure. I also just like, I have set rules. Like I've, I've rule of. Okay, if we're not, if we're going out without each other, you need to call Me when you get home, if it's like my boyfriend or like my like, committed person, we have to call each other when we get home if we're not out with each other so that we know that you're not with somebody else or somewhere else. That I don't have to like, have that going on in my head because I have experienced that before.
- [27:11]
B
Okay.
- [27:12]
A
And then I have a rule of if I don't know the bitch, then you can't be there without me there.
- [27:19]
B
What are your thoughts on girls getting with, like, mans that you've been with but, like, following you? Cause this is. I struggle.
- [27:29]
A
People that have gotten with the guys that I've gotten with, but they follow me.
- [27:33]
B
Or like ex boyfriends getting with your exes, but follow you knowing you dated this guy or people knowing that you were with this guy. And now you go look to stalk, as every girl does.
- [27:43]
A
It's a thank you. Like, I hope they love my content. And second of all, you are the reasons my analytics are so good. And that's why they pay me the big bucks.
- [27:52]
B
Yeah.
- [27:53]
A
So it's honestly, it's a fan at the end of the day. And on top of that, they're helping you get paid. That's all you gotta think about.
- [28:00]
B
Fully agree. That was like what I was like at first. Why?
- [28:02]
A
Did they ever piss you off?
- [28:04]
B
Yeah, that was like a big mental battle for me. Was like, there's no way. Well, especially. Cause everything that was happening was so public that I was like, you're following me. You just viewed the breakup post and now you just added him on. Snap.
- [28:20]
A
You probably sent that breakup post to your friend knowing that you're still wanting to get with him. But now you're hearing like, no, it's crazy concept. But if people haven't been in your shoes, a lot of the times they don't understand, you know, any of your perspective 100%.
- [28:35]
B
I always say that if you don't have an ex boyfriend, I don't want to hear an opinion. No, literally, I don't want to hear it. Anything, any boy advice, anything. Like, you have to be. Something has to happen for you to be crazy. Or something happens where you feel like you're being crazy and someone who has never been in is gonna judge. Someone who's been in that situation will not be judging.
- [28:56]
A
And your parents aren't together?
- [29:00]
B
No, I live with my mom and my stepdad.
- [29:02]
A
Okay.
- [29:03]
B
And then my dad. I like, see sometimes. Okay. Really though?
- [29:08]
A
And are you close with your stepdad?
- [29:10]
B
My stepdad's My best friend and coming.
- [29:12]
A
From, I mean now it's almost like nine times out of 10 that people come from a divorced parents.
- [29:18]
B
Yeah.
- [29:18]
A
Has that shifted your dating or who you've gone for at all? Or are you like.
- [29:23]
B
No, no, I'm like the party house. Like, okay, where the hangout. Everyone could sleep in my house. Boys, girls, doesn't matter. Yes. Like my parents are super chatted.
- [29:32]
A
That's a rare occurrence.
- [29:33]
B
I. I know my stepdad, but it wouldn't be like that if my mom and my dad were still together. My stepdad is super cool, super chill. He's awesome. Trust me, I'm super responsible with everything, so I don't hide anything. And if I hid stuff, which my sister's a little more on the sneaky side, I feel she doesn't do anything but just more closed introverted and. Cause I'm an extrovert. They know I slip up like the morning makes mistakes. The morning after my ex boyfriend left, I first thing my parents walked down and I was like, you guys are going to be pissed. And I told them and they were.
- [30:09]
A
Like, but you told them. That's the thing is yes, they can be mad, but they're not telling you how to make decisions in your own life.
- [30:17]
B
Yeah, they're listening. They were just like, okay.
- [30:21]
A
That's like. If I ever had a kid, I'd be strict, of course, but I'd be like, just tell me what you want to do and we can work through it together.
- [30:29]
B
I fully agree.
- [30:30]
A
Because people have to. Kids have to make mistakes and fuck, I've done it. But like they learn from it and.
- [30:35]
B
Not like judging their mistakes. Like just like talking about it being like, okay, like I wanna know rather than not know. Like if you judge your kid for every single thing that they do, then you're not gonna know anything.
- [30:48]
A
And your mom's fucking awesome. So what else? Yeah, my mom's super cool and like she is. Is such a badass that she could totally start her own social media and tag.
- [30:57]
B
I tell her all the time, like.
- [30:59]
A
She might have to come on the pod.
- [31:00]
B
I know.
- [31:01]
A
And friendship drama. This is the last of the drama. But we have to touch on this because I had a tough high school experience too with girl drama and things like that. I was triggered when I saw your post on. I think it was like a Snapchat group chat.
- [31:17]
B
Yes.
- [31:17]
A
And it was like people talking badly about you and you weren't even in it.
- [31:23]
B
Yeah. So that was in grade nine and I had a friend group and we basically stopped Being. I stopped being friends. I don't remember. I fucked up. I remember that.
- [31:35]
A
What do you mean?
- [31:36]
B
And I kissed a guy that one of my friends at the time where we weren't friends when it happened, but I kissed a guy that she used to like. They were never dating. They didn't date. But fully my fault, fully in the wrong. I learned really quickly. Saying that I learned really quickly. This is one of the most humbling experiences of my life. So this group chat absolutely handed it to me. And I just don't understand. I moved schools.
- [31:59]
A
That's like bullying.
- [32:00]
B
Yeah, it was completely bullying. And I moved schools because of it. And I went to a private school and it progressively got better over time. That was the only thing that fixed it. It didn't stop for all means. It didn't matter. They didn't care.
- [32:13]
A
So they just all teamed up because.
- [32:16]
B
Of the one situation.
- [32:18]
A
Interesting.
- [32:19]
B
And after that, I pretty much went to the school and it slowly just, like got better. But one thing I really struggle with now is the people at my school are not any better. And everyone's just so unbelievably jealous of everything.
- [32:33]
A
But that's the thing. Jealous people say stupid things, do stupid things, and if they weren't any way, shape or form, like a tad bit jealous of what you're doing, what you're like, the life that you're living, how you look, anything of that nature, then they wouldn't spend the time and energy on making group chats, consistently posting in it. You said that they would add guys that you talk to just so that the guys would see these negative things about you.
- [33:01]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [33:01]
A
Like, they would not take the time and energy if it wasn't grinding their gears, that you are prettier than them, more talented than them doing something else. Like, that is jealousy, and that is jealous people doing stupid things. And it's crazy that this is still happening and it's not just like the movies of mean girls and things like that. Because I dealt with it. You've dealt with it. Like, it's crazy that people are still allowed to get away with like that.
- [33:28]
B
Yeah. And now I find as I've, like, gotten older, it's not even as much like the girls. Exactly. Like, if I start talking to a guy, instantly I'm like, warning them. I'm like, by the way, you are going to get texts from a million people.
- [33:41]
A
Oh, that's crazy.
- [33:42]
B
You're gonna get. And I will tell them straight up, oh, it's fine, I don't care. And then when it Happens suddenly. Now they care. And I'm like, I just told you it was gonna happen. Like, why'd you just waste, like, three weeks talking to me? You knew that you were about to get heat. Like, that's what came with it.
- [33:58]
A
Can you explain, like, an example of that? So, like, what they would say or what they would text him? How would they even find. Well, maybe you post sometimes.
- [34:05]
B
I like post stuff, but I'm also still, like, a teenage girl where I'll, like, post something on vsco for all. I mean, like, just a very nonchalant. Like, that's why the only app I have that's still, like, not my social media. Like, it's a little more personal on there where I just post, like, oh, like, little things I'm doing. And they'll like, text me and be like, it's just like, no way you're talking to Haley Jackman. No way you're talking to Haley Jackman. Like, that type of thing all the time. No way. There's no way that she's crazy. I think a lot of the guys say I'm crazy because of the situation that happen.
- [34:37]
A
I mean, I'm not.
- [34:39]
B
I'm not crazy. If you don't make me crazy.
- [34:41]
A
Yeah, there you go.
- [34:42]
B
I will not be crazy. I will not put your name through the ringer. If you. If we talk and it goes to shit and you just don't like me anymore and you say that you're not getting blasted.
- [34:51]
A
No.
- [34:52]
B
If you go out of your way and for example, I don't know if you saw my TikTok about the prom thing of me getting ghosted right before prom.
- [35:00]
A
Okay, yes, I did. So essentially, you were supposed to go to prom with this guy. He did a whole prom proposal.
- [35:06]
B
I did it.
- [35:07]
A
Oh, you did it.
- [35:08]
B
But he knew, like, we had been talking about it. We had been dating every single day. He was at a different school. We were hanging out every single day. Hanging out every night.
- [35:16]
A
So is that why you promised he.
- [35:18]
B
Was younger than me and went to a different school? Okay, so I had to ask him because it was my promise. And I asked him. We had talked about it. He had filled out the form already, and I had given the form back to the school before I even asked him.
- [35:31]
A
Yeah.
- [35:31]
B
So he knew he was going. And then I asked. He said yes. We were talking a bunch about it, and then he slowly just started ghosting me. And then once I realized that it was, like, really ghosted, I posted this TikTok, the TikTok I posted. And his ex Girlfriend commented on it and said like, my baddie came back home. And I replied and I was like, you ate? I wasn't gonna say anything. Like, as an ex girlfriend to an ex girlfriend. Devoured. I was like, that's the best comment I've ever seen. That was so good. I was like, that was aura. That's the idiot though, the guy. Yeah, he was such a dick for that. But on her behalf, I was like, you got your man back. You did what? I guess he was just getting with me to get her back. Obviously, so were you.
- [36:16]
A
I don't even think so. I think that he was getting with you to get with you. But then maybe they had a falling out and she's now jumping back to.
- [36:22]
B
And they were at classes together. They were like seeing each other at school every day.
- [36:26]
A
Fuck.
- [36:27]
B
And she was like throwing all of his clothes at him in the hallway and stuff.
- [36:30]
A
So then you're just fucking in the middle of it as a middleman trying to have a happily thing with somebody else.
- [36:37]
B
And now I was like super chill towards her. Like, I was like, they dated for a really long time too.
- [36:42]
A
Did you know her?
- [36:43]
B
No idea who she was. I found out once I was a thing with him, but I knew they dated for a really long time. So I was just like, you know, I have been in that situation and I just will always stand by ex girlfriend over.
- [36:57]
A
So would you consider yourself as like a girl's girl?
- [37:01]
B
To a certain extent, yes. And I just don't think, like I'm very loyal to my friends, like extremely loyal to my friends. And in like an ex girlfriend sense. Yes. Like if you are an ex girlfriend and you tell me that he fucked you last weekend, I'm believing you.
- [37:18]
A
Yeah.
- [37:18]
B
No matter what. If he is literally saying he didn't, I will believe you. Or if you go to the lengths, you can just have your man back. Like, I'm not gonna make it a.
- [37:27]
A
Big deal because you've been through it that now you get it like 80%.
- [37:32]
B
I know, I get it. Like, I understand if I was saying it was because he was still texting me.
- [37:38]
A
Right.
- [37:38]
B
And that's 95% of the case I feel like for everyone is that if they're still like giving you attention, that's the only reason you're still going to be crazy over this situation. So I thought she comment was great. I thought everything about this, I mean.
- [37:52]
A
That is like, I don't know if she chatgpt that, but that was like very.
- [37:56]
B
Yeah, it was amazing. She commented, my body came Back home, I was like, oh, my God, all.
- [38:01]
A
Of this will make you a better person. And it's going to be fucked up to think now, but you will be so much stronger for it. Like, having to go through all that isn't easy. And some people cannot even deal with it. They can't.
- [38:12]
B
That's what I say.
- [38:13]
A
So the fact that you're standing here, sitting here speaking about it openly, like you're not even crying, like you could be. You could be dying inside, but you're being mature and taking a stance to speak your voice and let it be heard because other people could be going through a similar situation and they don't know how to deal with it.
- [38:32]
B
So.
- [38:32]
A
So you even saying that this is happening to you and people that look up to you or follow you probably find it like, oh, thank God she had to go through something like that. It makes them feel better because they're like, I'm not alone.
- [38:43]
B
That's how I always look at it when I post stuff on TikTok. I'm always just like, someone else must. Like, someone else is going through this. Someone is going through something like this where I'll post it because I know that there are people out there where people will tell me, your content's so helpful. I just feel like you understand and you get it and that to me is worth the hate that happens with it. And sometimes I'm just like, so many people talk hot. And he also said to me while he was bitching me out, he was like, we all have lives outside of TikTok. And I was like, okay, you couldn't be a TikToker or deal with any of this for more than a day.
- [39:26]
A
How do you feel? Because I know you're so open with it online and you post all these things about you only having. Is it half of arm or how do you like to say?
- [39:34]
B
I just say having one arm.
- [39:35]
A
Having one arm. So it's. It's something that people clearly use to put you down. Because I see people in your comments using that. What do you have to say about that? Like, it's very admirable to me seeing you taking that hate comment, making it into a fucking TikTok on yourself and then being, yeah, this is exactly what someone said. And I'm gonna make it into a fucking bit and use content out of it. Like that is admirable in itself. But also, does it ever still get to you? Like, where are you with all of that?
- [40:06]
B
So the one arm jokes or rude comments on the arm. Oh, my Least hateful ever. Through one ear, out the other, don't give a fuck forever.
- [40:16]
A
Or is that just now?
- [40:18]
B
And no, I've always been very like, is that all you got? Yeah, like there's nothing else. Like, come on, give me something better. And the one arm jokes are just like ass. Which randomly. There's been like a few people who randomly have commented like calling me fat all the time on my TikToks, which is like that to me. Got to me a lot more than like the one arm comments or people talking about my ex boyfriend. Very triggering subject for me. Like, I don't know, touches your heart. Yeah, like that is deep to me. Like that was deep. That hurt. Like you cut deep on one arm joke, don't give a fuck.
- [40:55]
A
And so you wouldn't say it's anything that you're self conscious about?
- [40:59]
B
No. Like when I take photos and stuff, I guess I always stand with my right side out and then my arm behind people. Like it's not always like, oh, but it's not like a hidden thing. I. It's not. People will comment sometimes be like, oh, hiding it again. But that's not like a thought process a lot of the time it's just like, oh, I'm standing like that. Or I'm standing like that. It's never like, oh, my arm is not in it.
- [41:22]
A
Even when I was writing my notes and like talking about subjects to touch on for someone that I don't know how to approach the subject and I feel like not a lot of people do too. Is it something that you're okay to talk about? Is it something that, you know there's something that you can give the viewers on if they do see someone with some type of. That's different than them? Like is it something that you're allowed to ask about or is it something that you should rear away from? Or like what? You know, like for me, I find.
- [41:52]
B
That it's something that like I'm totally open to talk about. Like I was born like that. I talk about it online. But I do get a lot, A lot of people that follow me have missing limbs or only have like one leg or one arm.
- [42:05]
A
Well, they probably.
- [42:06]
B
And they'll text me and be like, I'm so insecure and you make me like feel less insecure about it.
- [42:11]
A
That's what it's all about.
- [42:12]
B
And so to them, I guess maybe don't mention it. But when it comes to me, I'm pretty open about it online. I feel like if I wasn't, I wouldn't mention it. If they don't mention it, you don't mention it. That's the way I always look at it. But like, I make people uncomfortable all the time. And I'll just make one arm jokes. Someone will be like, can I give you a hand? Or like, you know what I mean? Like, I'll say stuff like that. But to some people, maybe not.
- [42:38]
A
Yeah. So it's like kind of a thing of gauge it. It's personal in anybody's life. But it's also. See how they're gauging the whole conversation. Like, if they're showcasing it, if they're obviously a content creator and that's part of their content, then that's okay.
- [42:54]
B
Where I'm like, for example, are you close enough that I could be like, oh, like that pimple on your head so big. Or like, you know what I mean? Like, are you close enough that if you said that they'd be like, oh my gosh, I know, it's been driving me crazy. Or are they gonna be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you know what I mean? That's the way I look at.
- [43:12]
A
Cause that's a whole different take. It's like, are you. Do you think or do you feel as though you can ask me a personal question when you don't even know me? Or point something out that you don't even like, is it coming from actually caring or is it coming from just a random cause?
- [43:27]
B
To my friends, I could easily be like, holy. That's like, bro, that pimple's huge and that sucks. For example, say I said that they'd be like, I know, it's so bad. It's driving me crazy. But that's the way I'd look at it.
- [43:42]
A
About the arm and were you born with it?
- [43:46]
B
Yes.
- [43:47]
A
Yes. Okay, so you've your whole life always.
- [43:50]
B
I always had one arm.
- [43:51]
A
I love that you gave that different perspective. Because not a lot of people, not even me, I'll be honest, thought about it that way.
- [43:57]
B
Yeah. And you know, that's the way I'd look at it. If I were to ask someone, which I guess I can ask anyone. Cause it's like the same. And be like, oh my gosh, like, look like it's the same type of thing. But like, if I was in someone else's situation, I would go off that. Do you feel comfortable? Do you think they would take it really personal? You could tell immediately what type of person someone is if they're super sensitive, if they have a backbone or not.
- [44:20]
A
And I love that you're so open about it with social media because there is so many people that don't share that or don't want to talk about it that I'm like, thank you for being you and yourself in not only relationships and things that are going wrong with, you know, a guy that his parents don't want you to date him. Or maybe it's high school drama. Like people need to hear that. And that's exactly why I started the podcast and talk my shit too. But we do get the backlash with negative comments on maybe our image or on who we go for.
- [44:53]
B
But it's a life that we chose 100%.
- [44:57]
A
Would you change anything that you've kind of done now with social media and what you've put out there?
- [45:02]
B
I have said for a while that I wanna start a podcast because I do post so much individually.
- [45:09]
A
Short form content.
- [45:10]
B
Short form. A 15 second video doesn't do justice.
- [45:13]
A
No.
- [45:14]
B
And it's really hard to elaborate and then look at the comments and be like, fuck. And now either have to make another video.
- [45:23]
A
Part two.
- [45:24]
B
Part two. And now let me go into details or not. So I think I do need some type of platform sometimes I do Instagram stories because I find I can like write out a little bit. Like think before where I have like.
- [45:38]
A
Doing bad text on the Instagram story.
- [45:40]
B
Yes. I have a bad habit of just very quick, grab my phone, talk my.
- [45:45]
A
Shit, push post and then don't look.
- [45:47]
B
Off my phone same. And then I'm like, wow, I posted that fake ID video. Not sure if anybody saw that. I saw it and woke up the next morning, had 1.6 million views and I was like, oh, fuck.
- [45:59]
A
Do you even read the comments or do you just I low key.
- [46:01]
B
I'm a comment reader.
- [46:02]
A
I'm not.
- [46:03]
B
It's a problem because it, it can.
- [46:05]
A
Sometimes sting because someone called me pregnant one time and I was like, should I take a test? But I mean, no.
- [46:13]
B
When people started calling me fat, like it's a mind fuck, I'm like going to the gym every fucking day now. Fuck you.
- [46:19]
A
No, they're like, you have daddy issues. I'm like, do I? Maybe I do. Like, it gets to me. So I tend to not look at it. What's one rule that you swear by now for going forward into relationships? Like one rule of dating or that you stand by.
- [46:39]
B
Red flags matter at the beginning and now I stand by that. There's like a few things that I really pay attention to, like public affection being okay with me posting what I do. I want family's approval before we are dating. Please. They know that I do this. They are okay with it. Family to me is a big thing. I want to be close with your family. I want to be close with your siblings. I love that. And it's not just like I don't care, like I want to like my mother in law, you know.
- [47:06]
A
So since you're close with your family, that's a part of your life. Like you want that moment in your life.
- [47:11]
B
Exactly. So just noticing and making sure that they value things that I value if I want this. Like you're okay to do that. Like saying yes is a big thing for me. If I want to do it, they want to do it. My mom could ask for anything in the world one time and the next week it is there.
- [47:31]
A
She deserves.
- [47:32]
B
My mom mentioned asana, that she wanted asana and I kid you not, a week later the sauna was getting installed.
- [47:40]
A
So where did she meet this man?
- [47:43]
B
They just like ran. I think they ran into each other a few times all around everywhere. Toronto, Barry, they were running into each other, Starbucks, every everywhere. And then they ended up at the same business thing. And I guess they started talking then or something.
- [47:57]
A
They're like, I've seen you too many times. I need to know who you are, what you do, everything.
- [48:01]
B
So that's one of the things. Just like noticing, standing on business more nothing. I've been dogged a few times since and nothing has hurt me the same as something so now I'm gotten better at. Well, they didn't have this anyways and it's just blown over my shoulder.
- [48:23]
A
Pushing it. Yeah, pushing it away.
- [48:24]
B
It's just easy. Okay.
- [48:26]
A
Easier to get over.
- [48:27]
B
Yes. So now I just try and make sure they're like this guy I've been texting and FaceTiming and stuff. He's super duper sweet and all. Literally the nicest guy I met. And we've been FaceTiming and stuff for probably three weeks now. Hanging out, still super sweet. I have not gotten a single red flag from anything. Even when we hang out, if they still have Snapchat, which, ew, I hate Snapchat. When do you get rid of it?
- [48:54]
A
I got rid of it. Well, I post for to monetize it because I don't Snapchat people.
- [49:00]
B
I. Yeah, I barely Snapchat anybody. The only person I Snapchat is like him. Just because he has Snapchat.
- [49:06]
A
Well, thanks for coming on the podcast. Thank you so much for having me Go follow. It's Haley M. Jackman on TikTok and on Insta. Yeah, drop a comment of what part of the podcast you might have resonated to. Have you had an ohl boy? And how has he fucked you up? Because he probably did. And kind of take from our delusional confidence because I think we've been through a few shitty situations and you are just growing from it. And even with the last thing that you said, I think you kind of said it in a way of all these things brought you to a place where you don't you're not dwelling on the past situations that you went through. Your main focus is growing and becoming better for you. 100 and I think that is exactly how our mentality should be. So thank you guys for watching. I love you and I will see you next time Thursday.