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Not every day is a good day. And everyone in this world, regardless of how much money they make or what they do for a living, goes through bad days. And it is so normal because for so long in my life I felt like I had to hide things that I was going through because I didn't want to admit or be that person that had a mental health issue. You are not alone that it doesn't end in the horrible spot. You need to go through some darkness to get to the end of the tunnel and see that light. And we all have to go through things in life. We're all dealing with something at the same time. So yes, be nice to freaking everyone and it will make you feel better, I promise you. I want to be the big sister advice that anyone might need, might want. I am here and know that I do. Just want to let everyone know before you listen to this episode. It is about mental health and it is about depression and anxiety and things that I've experienced. I am no doctor. I am no therapist. I am not someone that can give you advice and tell you what to do. So some of these topics might be triggering. Some of these things that I dealt through, dealt with and how I dealt with them might not be the best way to deal with them for you. So please keep in mind, if any of this does get triggering, please turn it off and don't listen and you can tune into the next episode. But if you do need help and you do want someone that you know to talk to and bounce ideas off of for something that you guys are going through, mental health wise, please seek help. There is so much help out there and I am one for therapy. I am one for taking medication for something that you need that is causing havoc in your life or making you not be able to live life how you want. So please seek that and don't use me as medication or your therapy or a doctor. So I appreciate you guys for listening and I hope you enjoy this episode. Hello everybody and welcome back to Tall Blonde. Now today we are going to talk about mental health because not every day is a good day. And everyone in this world, regardless of how much money they make or what they do for a living, goes through bad days. And it is so normal and I want to normalize it because for so long in my life I felt like I had to hide or not tell and keep secret the things that I was going through because I didn't want to admit or be that person that had a mental health issue. And I have some stories that I'll share with you. You don't have to agree with how I, you know, went through these situations. And I want to always say this because some people disagree, some people would do things differently, and some people don't think medication is a good thing to do or have just a disbelief in certain things that I might believe in. And that's ok. But this is just you hearing my perspective and what I went through and how I dealt with it and how I came to other sides of things and just how I felt at the time. And I have some tips and tricks that I use to get through certain things in my life and to go through certain emotions that I deal with on a weekly or daily or monthly basis. And I will share those with you because I'm so grateful to be at the point that I am right now. And I honestly didn't think I'd get here for a really long time. So I'm happy. I'm really happy right now. But this is a very meaningful podcast for me to make. It took me, I mean, I haven't even been scared to take a podcast yet until this one. So I'll be honest with you. I don't know if my voice is going to crack, if I'm going to be a bit shaky or if I'm going to be a bit weird in this podcast. But I'm going to try to be as vulnerable as I can with you because that is all I want to do. I want to be the big sister advice that anyone might need, might want, might not want, but just wants a different perspective. I am there for you, okay? And if anyone isn't, if you have nobody in your life there for you, I am here and know that. So let's get into it. I'm going to first start off by saying I have been through a lot emotionally in my life. I didn't struggle with some other things growing up, but I struggled with my mental state. And maybe not to an extreme as other people, maybe two more than an extreme of other people, but I went through it and I don't believe that you aren't who you aren't what you were dealt with. You are what you make of those situations and how you come out from those situations. Do you take what people do to you, what people say to you, and do you make it into this negative and hurt people because of it, or do you take it and do you grow from it? And I think that is such a big learning experience that I took because a lot of the time when people, you know, mistreated me or disrespected me. I turned angry, I turned mean. I wanted to get them back. And I finally come to a place in my life in the past year or so that I'm just. I appreciate it. I appreciate everything I've been through. And I'm so grateful to be the person I am. And if there's one thing I'm not insecure about, it is knowing who I am. I have insecurities like everybody else. I wish I was skinnier, taller, this that, whatever it may be. But I am fully confident today on this coach to say I love who I am and I am so grateful to be who I am and where I am at right now. But it wasn't all that easy. So let's go back to high school. I went to high school, and I think it was, yeah, my first year. I was always friends with people a bit older than me. So that being like a year or two older than me, mostly in, like, high school. And some of my friends are still my age, but a lot of them were a year or two older than me. So with that being said, I would hang out with them on weekends, I'd hang out with them at lunch, I would do whatever with them, go on weekends and party with them, do all of that. But some of the older people didn't like that very much. So in my high school first year and second year experience and third year, I wasn't liked by many of the older girls. And now people say, oh, it's just jealousy. But I'm not perfect either. So I could have maybe triggered something in the way I walked or did this or did that, but I truly don't think I deserved what I went through. So going back, we are in, let's say, grade nine or grade 10. I was verbally told a lot of negative things about myself. I am, you know, not this, not that. I'm not worthy. I can't go to certain things. Things. I went to a party one time and someone shoved me into a corner and yelled at me, and I bawled my eyes out and ran home. And there was another instance. And this is just. I'm not bringing this up to make you feel bad for me or call people out by any means. I never use names. And I'm not saying this to make people feel bad for me or bring up past things and use it to get cloud or to get followers or to get viewers. I'm generally bringing these things to the table because I want other people to feel aware that you are not alone. And that it doesn't end in the horrible spot. You need to go through some darkness to get to the end of the tunnel and see that light. And I thought that the tunnel was the end. And I want to make you guys aware that it's not. And I want to tell you stuff and tell you how I went through it so that you can learn from me or just understand and maybe relate and maybe have a friend that you can listen to. So I do want to make that clear. And I'm glad I just randomly thought about that on the spot. Thank you, Sarah. But I do want to make that clear. But carrying on. I'm a horrible storyteller, but carrying on. In high school, I was verbally told negative things, too. I know I was walking the halls and I'd get yelled at. I remember liking a boy, and they would make fun of me for it. They would make fun of him for it. So obviously that was really embarrassing. They kind of started, like, a group of people that didn't like me, and they would always comment on my picture or make these fake things or comment. I think there was, like, a gorilla at one point. This is will just never come out of my brain because it's traumatizing. It's like a gorilla or a monkey in a picture. And they're like, this is us against Sarah. This is us coming at Sarah or something. And it terrified me. I thought that I was the worst person in the world. And it got to me so much so that I didn't want to go back to school. I was at that point, I didn't know it, but I was depressed and I went to therapy. I'm very happy that people in my life pushed me to do that. I didn't like therapy at the time. I don't think it was the perfect person for me. And therapy, you do have to find your perfect person. So it is a safe space and you can open up and be truly who you are. But in that certain time, that wasn't it for me. And I thought that, okay, like, they're all the same. I didn't know any better. So I was talking to someone. It was kind of helping, but not really. I would stay in my room. I wouldn't talk to anyone. I wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't go to school. I ended up getting kicked out of school. Not kicked out of school, but, like, exempt and, like, left because it was unsafe for me to be there. People were saying things that were very scary, and the principal said that it just Wasn't safe for me to be there. So I moved to a different school and some people were there for me. A lot of people were there for me. Actually, my family, God bless them, I have the best mother and father and sister and brother in the entire world. I don't think I could have made it out of that dark space if it wasn't for them. And I'm so happy for having that support system, as well as some of my best friends that I'm still best friends with today. I love and appreciate them so much. I don't even think they understand how much I love them for that. But holy crap, like, I would run in front of a moving vehicle for.
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Any one of them because they saved my life, really. And I didn't want to take any medication for that depression. So I just kind of went through it. And it took me years and years to get happy again or be happy again or know who I am and get to a good place. But I finally ended up getting there through therapy, through leaving those certain situations, leaving that school, leaving those people, unfollowing them. I mean, at the end of the day, a lot of the school found out about what was happening and parents found out what was happening. People were held accountable. But at the age of like what, 15, you're someone embarrassed, like when a parent or principal has to talk about someone being mean to you. At the time, I didn't know it was like verbal abuse and things. I thought it was just verbal and some turn physical, but I didn't know it was that. I just thought it was, you know.
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They'Re just being mean. They're mean girls. Okay? And I think I'm rambling on, so I'm going to cut this story to an end soon. Don't worry. But parents got involved in things happen, so people were held accountable. Which at the end of the day, it was very scary at the time. But now I'm grateful because no one should be able to treat anybody else like that. And that's not fair. And I hope they don't treat anybody else after me like that too. And I hope they learn their lesson and I hope they're doing well and I hope they're thriving and they don't have to go through that themselves. I finally got over it. I mean, moving away and going to university and finding new friends, being in a new group, people that appreciated me. Life happened and people were there for me and I had my support system and I eventually became happy again. And I lived a great couple years of my Life. And remember, I'm only talking about the mental health issues that I've had. So my life is very good. I love it. But these are just some things that I dealt with. Fast forward to my anxiety, and I didn't know that I had anxiety, but now I'm aware that, you know, some of the things that I went through as a kid, I did, it was anxiety and I was anxious, but I think it was during COVID I'm a very extroverted person and I'm someone that loves to be with people, be surrounded by people. I don't like being alone. It makes me very anxious to be alone and thinking, oh, I should be doing something. Oh, what are people doing? What are people talking about? Where are people? Like, what are they doing? Like, why am I not there? I love being around people. People give me energy. So during COVID and not having many people around and not having many plan freaked me the out. I got so anxious. I felt that feeling where it's heavy chest and your heart starts racing. You feel like you can't take a deep breath. Your breath's at the top of your chest and you can't go all the way down. I would get hot and sweaty and feel like I was about to faint. I would. My hands would start shaking and I couldn't stop it. But I didn't know why. I was so confused and I didn't even know what it was. I finally told my mom about it and she, bless her heart, is the most amazing mom in the entire world. She would try to help me, walk me through it. I would call her every single time I was having in quotations, an episode and or an anxiety attack. Didn't know at the time. I would call her, she would walk me through it. She would calm me down. Then I started going to therapy and I learned a few tactics and it goes up and down. I'm on medication for it as well because when I explained it to my therapist, she did tell me it was anxiety and it's something that was affect my life. So because it was affecting my life, I said, you know what? I'm an adult now. I'm 20 years old. I want to start medication for this because it is affecting my life and I want to be better and I want to be happy and I don't want to have to deal with this all the time or burden anyone around me. So I did that. I went on medication and I went to therapy once a week. She taught me some things to go through. We talked about where my Anxiety stemmed from how people looked at me and different things like that. And I learned a few techniques that I want to, to share with you. And you could totally fast forward this part. But I have a few things that I've learned over the past years that really work for me when I get anxious or have an anxiety attack. The first being putting my right hand on my heart. Kind of like a hug. Apparently when you like, were a baby and your mom would hold you, it kind of reminds you of that feeling. I always do it when I feel my heart racing or I feel heavy chested or I feel like someone's stepping on my chest or the whole, you can't take a full deep breath. Put my right hand on my heart and I just breathe, breathe in 1 out 1, in 2 out 2, in 3 out 3 until I can't anymore or until I'm feeling a little bit calmer. And those are deep breaths, those are full breaths, as much as you can go during that anxiety time, anxious time. And another one when I'm having an attack is lying on the floor and being one with the world and knowing that I'm here, I'm okay, putting my palms on the ground, laying all the way flat, everything, just closing my eyes or looking at the ceiling and doing that same breath work. Sometimes I have to, you know, talk in public or I'm in life coaching right now and I'm, you know, presenting things or talking amongst a group of people. I get a bit anxious and I mean, I love doing it, but I get anxious about it before it, before I start to do it. Just like I was anxious in this podcast until I sat down and started talking. Now I can ramble on for my entire life. But before that I do a. I forget what it's called, but it's like a. I think I wrote it down. It's like a two minute meditation to pull yourself, pull yourself out of your anxious thoughts and be present. So what that does is basically you can look these up on YouTube, which is what I do. And it tells you to feel, you know, your, where you're sitting or you're standing, the bottoms of your feet, the bottoms of your butt, your back. Relax anything that feels tense, close your eyes and take those deep breaths and feel and focus on those breaths. And it just makes you relax, it makes you be present. And I've started to take those of just doing that in my head by myself before anything big or even in an Uber, before a night out or things like that. If I'm feeling a little Bit anxious because it does help and it does make you feel more present. It blocks, doesn't block out, but it brings you back to where you are, where your feet are, and it takes away that other things that might be stressing you out because you are here now in the present, in that two minutes, and it just gives you that fresh start. And you know that you kind of want to be present, so you do kind of push away the other things you don't want to deal with right now, not don't want to deal with, but if you want to be present in that moment, that is. I think my top three things also just drinking a lot of water, lying down for a bit, putting a cold towel on my head if it's really bad. But I think those are my top three things that I would recommend to anyone else. I know there are so many more and I would love to hear them in the comments because, girl, I need more. I need more. I always need more. I hope that my anxiety stops one day, but at this rate, it looks like she's staying with me for a bit. But those are my three tips. And I also know that I wasn't in a great place before in my life. And I know that a lot of people, whether it is going through something, maybe a breakup, a death, I don't even know what else on the spot right now, but you get the jisk. If you're going through something right now and you're in a bad place, there are some things that can help you pull yourself out of it. They might not work for everyone, but these are the things that have helped me the first being. And this sounds ridiculous, but trust me, it actually works. Okay? I made a list on my phone so that I could have it everywhere I go. And I do what makes me happy. That's what it's called. So I look it up and I write down anything that makes me happy. I started this list when I moved back from New York to Toronto because I wasn't in the best place when I was in New York. So when I moved back here, I made the hard decision and moved back. And I was like, listen, I'm gonna make a happy list. So I wrote down and on my list, I know I have for a fact, my coffee shop, I found somewhere that I want to go every single day for that coffee because it makes me so happy. And I'll even dress up sometimes to get that coffee. But that is one thing on my list. My family is on that list, spending time with them, calling them on the phone, hearing about how well they're doing, talking to them, being there for them, doing something for them that makes me happy. Going to my class, going to my life, coaching and learning and using my brain over and over again. I love that. I, I love, think that you should be learning your entire life. And I honestly, I'm sorry, mom and dad, but who knows, maybe I'll take another course after this, but hopefully not. But with that being said, I love learning, so learning makes me happy. So going to that class makes me happy. I wrote that down. So every single time I'm in a bad place, I'll look at that list and it will spark something or it will just take my mind off of it a little bit because I'll try to think of those things that do make me happy and put myself into that. Another thing is I think look good, feel good. So whenever I'm working out or I'm working on myself mentally, physically, and I look good, I do feel a lot better. So going to the gym is therapy in itself. But also doing that and working towards goals and achieving those goals or just seeing it in the mirror is so satisfying. And that makes me feel better about myself and will bring me out of a tough spot if I'm going through it. Third is fresh air. I if you are mad, angry, whatever, sad, anxious, go outside, go outside and feel the sun on your body, feel the air. Just get a bit of fresh air. Even if you're just on your porch or whatever it may be, get some fresh air. I promise you it will make you feel even a little bit better. Another thing is find a safe space. And for me, that was my therapist and my mom and my family, but I'm with my therapist are definitely my safe spaces because I have them on speed dial and my best friend and those are my safe spaces. That's what I found works for me. I can be totally vulnerable and speak about how I feel, what I'm going through in my full, transparent honesty, which has taught me to be able to be so vulnerable and honest outside of them too. But they are my safe space. Find that safe space where you can be so open and honest and talk through what you're feeling. Because if you hold it all in, it piles up and it's going to explode. So you need to find someone that you can talk to. Another thing that I'm still working on today, okay, I'm not there yet. I'm not perfect. But not every situation you have to have an immediate solution. Okay? Not everything needs a reaction I like to sit on things that happen. If they make me sad or angry or whatever, I like to sit on them for 24 hours. And I also like to remind myself that not everything is going to have a quick fix, a quick solution. Sometimes you have to go through a process, process and you have to feel the feelings to understand what your next move should be. Because you ultimately will know what the best decision is for yourself. You will always know you. It'll come to you at some point if you take your time and focus on it and think about it and work through it. But it won't be immediate in some cases. Some cases it will by all means, but some cases it won't. So you need to allow yourself and, you know, mix in that with your safe space and taking fresh air and allowing yourself to feel and talk about it. You will get there at some point. You have to trust yourself. I also think when you're dealing with a hard situation or a difficult thing that you're kind of comparing or what to do in a certain situation. I like to take my personal self out of it and say, okay, if this were my sister or my brother or my friend that was asking me what they would do in this situation, what would I say? Write it down, type it out, talk out loud, record yourself, whatever that may be and hear it back, read it back, and it will give you probably a different perspective. Maybe not, but probably. And then again, how to make the hard decisions. So leaving New York was a really hard decision for me and it was embarrassing. I didn't know who would judge me. I didn't know who would think I failed and didn't make it because that was my goal. But you do have to make those hard decisions because sometimes it makes you a lot happier. And in that case, moving back to Toronto, for me, that hard decision made me a lot happier and took me out of a bad place. We all have insecurities and we all have to go through things in life. We're all dealing with something at the same time. So, yes, be nice to freaking everyone and it will make you feel better. I promise you. Being nice to other people for the majority of us, I want to say 99.9, it'll make us feel better. So keep doing that and practice that because all of us aren't fully happy. I don't even believe in anyone being 100% happy all the time. I think nobody can be 100% happy. There is something happening around you or you're feeling for somebody else that you have those other Emotions too. But everyone's going through something in life and we have to be there and be nice so that we don't add fuel to the fire. And then the last thing I want to talk about is self love. It took a long time for me to get to a point where I loved myself. And like I said early in the podcast, I love myself. I'm so happy I am where I am today. Yes, I still have difficult days. Yes, I still have difficult times. Yes, I still go through shitty freaking things in life and I'm mad and I'm sad and I'll cry and I'll be yell at someone. But I love myself and self love is a journey and it's not a sprint. It is a marathon. Okay, I was gonna say a marathon motherfucker, but I didn't know if that fit and it didn't, so I don't know why I just said that out loud, but it's fine. So ways I practice self love and some of my friends that I've asked practice self love is journaling. I mean, journaling is not for me. I'm not gonna lie. But a lot of people gave me that answer so I thought I'd write it down because it might be yours, but it's just not for me. I can't sit there and write something down. And no, I just feel like I'm wasting my time. People are like, the five minute journal. I'm like, I so respect you for doing that for. But I feel like I am wasting so much time. I need a coffee. I need to chug it. I need to go to work out. I need to get there. I need to do this, I need to do that. I need to warm up. I have too many things to do. But of course you can make time for things that you really want to do. And if that's a priority in your life, I'm sure you'll make time for it. But it's not for me. So the next one. My therapist has tried like literally a hundred times in the past year to tell me to journal and I'm like, girl, I really respect you for trying, but we're probably. You might want to save your breath because I'm not going there. Working out is another way. I practice self love. I love it. It makes me feel good, it makes me look good. It makes me so happy. It's the one relief. Push yourself. Do your thing. Find people and buddies to go work out or do a fun class. It's like party berries. It's like a Freaking party in there. Go. It's fun. It's self loving. You spending money on yourself to do better, to achieve bigger goals and be healthy. What's wrong with that? Staying in and watching your favorite show or staying in and ordering in and you know, pampering yourself. Maybe that's a face mask, maybe that's a bath. Also hate baths, but a lot of people like those. Love a face mask. Face mask. Maybe even wine and dine yourself. Have wine, order in, order the wine on Ubereats. Do that. Don't pay, don't pick up a single thing. Go on your sweatpants and sweater and just have a night in. Say no to plants. That is self love. If you're not comfortable or you don't want to, you can say no. If it's someone's birthday, yeah, I would probably not say no. I would pick yourself up and go there. But I'm just a regular Friday night out. If someone's bugging you, unless it's me, then you can say no and prioritize yourself. I'm kidding. But at the same time, you need to put yourself first because you cannot help add to somebody else or make somebody else happier about themselves if you're not happy with who you are at the end of the day. And, and I've learned that finally. I mean I'm still working to get more and more every day and I think life coaching is such a good thing in my life right now. But I'm proud of myself. And I know a lot of people in my life that seen me go through all this are proud of me too. Some people may be jealous, but a lot of people happy and that's fine. And I'm proud of myself and I can say that and that's all I need. So if you are going through something, a hard time or a mental health issue or a scare or something traumatizing happening in your life, maybe that be a death or a breakup or anything, an injury. I am here for you and I want you to know that all your feelings are valid. And I want you to know that everything that you're going through, if you put it into growth and make good with it and be there for other people that maybe have gone through that too. After you've learned and been through it, you will be so proud of yourself too. Making good out of a horrible situation is so hard at the time, but it is so rewarding. Let me freaking tell you. I'm not perfect. Nobody's perfect. But try as hard as you can to make good out of a bad situation. So I love you guys. Let me know what you want to hear next. This is, I mean, only two episodes have launched right now as me saying this, but I've been getting pretty good feedback on both. I love you. I just want you to subscribe and rate them because that helps me a lot to keep doing this and also comment. Talk to me. Tell me, message me. Tell me what you want to hear because I genuinely am so okay with being so vulnerable and talking to you about things. I will share anything with you. Who do you want me to have on? Talk to me. I love you. Over and out. Because I have to get ready for a night out tonight. But I love you. I hope you love me too. I will see you next week on Talbalant.