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- [00:00]
A
And I did some things I probably shouldn't. One being calling my ex every day. And that did teach me a lot of things. And it helped me teach you a lot of things. Let me make mistakes for you so that you don't have to. You do not want to be the person that they're talking about in the group chat. You're going to walk away and you're going to be the best thing that he never had. Everyone's like, how do you give so much advice when you're single? I'm not settling for these a holes, okay? I am single by choice and I'm happy for it. But with that being said, I did enjoy the ride. And welcome back to my podcast, Tall Blonde. Hey, guys. And welcome back to my podcast, Tall Blonde. I don't know why I said welcome back, because this is a totally different podcast. But for some of you, you do remember I had an old podcast way back when, and I'll explain that later, but this is a whole new series. This is a whole new bits and pieces of my life, okay? I know a lot of you know me for giving advice, kind of breaking it down for you. The how to's, the what to do when he doesn't answer the ph. Anything. I'm here for you, okay? But this is a longer version. This is more of me. This is the embarrassing stories. This is everything you want to know and you probably don't even want to know, and I'm here to give it to you, okay? I'm the big sister advice here. Anything we can range from, absolutely anything that you're wondering, I will answer it, okay? I promise you. Down to the nitty gritty. But for those of you who don't know me, my name is Sarah Lawrence and I am from London, Ontario, but I am now living in Toronto, Ontario. I did do my undergrad in Toronto at Ryerson University, but now it's called Toronto Metropolitan University, I think. And then I moved to New York for the past two years, which was a lot, and we will dig very deep into that. But I am now settled in to my Toronto apartment. New York was a great learning experience, but it just wasn't for me. So let's get into it, okay? I started Instagram and TikTok way back when, when everyone was kind of just posting it over. I went into TikTok when it was like, I want to say Covid. That was when everyone was kind of getting into it and I was the normal person to post a little bit more often than not on Instagram. But I wouldn't like try to be an influencer, you know, So I didn't think it was gonna get me anywhere. I went to my master's at Parsons because as a fashion student that was my end goal. And I think that's a lot of people end goal in fashion is to make it to New York and do all that or Paris and go to Parsons. But I did it. I achieved that goal and that was great. But it was absolutely not what I thought it was going to be. And that is okay. So I thought that it was going to be just like undergrad. And for me, undergrad was the best four years of my life. I lived with four girls and they were all my best friends. Well, there was four of us, me being the fourth. So I lived with three girls and they were all my best friends. We had an amazing house and it was stunning. It was like four floors. We had a full kitchen, a full dining room. I thought that that was the norm until later, but I was, I loved it. I loved every single thing of it. I learned so much. Everyone was my age or maybe a year or two older, and I just became best friends and found my people. You know that feeling when it's. You're around like minded people and you just feel safe, you feel secure, you feel like you should be there? That's exactly how I felt. And then fourth year ends, I graduate, I apply to Parsons and I'm like, okay, listen, I don't know how many times it's going to take me to get in, but I'm going to apply every year until I get in. Because I need to do this. This is my end goal. I want to just make it in New York. Got there and started school, didn't know anyone, no family there, no friends there. Moved into apartment alone. And I've never been alone. Like I've always lived with my family and then girls and then I was alone. So it got lonely. It got very, very, very lonely. And I did some things I probably shouldn't. One being calling my ex every day and listen, I know we should have cut that off a long time ago, but that did teach me a lot of things. And it helped me teach you a lot of things. Okay? And I have a lot. Let me make the stakes, let me make the mistakes for you so that you don't have to. I think that is my motto at this point, or was. But going to New York, finally made it there. Everyone in my program was. I mean, there were a few people my age, but a lot of them were like 10 years older than me. They were on a totally different path at the time. They had families, had children, didn't even live in the city. They would just commute. And they did this as to help their career. And then they were gonna move back home and, you know, use this as a platform to enhance whatever they were doing. And for me, this was just a stepping stone to my career. I didn't even know what the end goal was. I just knew that it was to get to New York. And I got there and I'm like, okay, what now? Needless to say, it was difficult. It wasn't the same as undergrad. The course was fine. I mean, it was a lot easier, my master's program in New York at Parsons than Ryerson was. But that might just be because I had to learn the fundamentals in Ryerson. And then I applied them in my master's. So that could have been it, but a lot easier. It was just a one year program, so it was like a full year. So I think it was like August 20th something to August, whatever, 2022 to 2023. And I was 22 at the time, so I was young. And it's, I mean, I was still an adult, but it's like really hard to make friends as an adult, which I didn't realize. I didn't get it. I didn't understand. I thought, I mean, I was so lucky to have it so easy and make friends right away in undergrad that I thought that's how it was going to be in my master's, but it just wasn't. I, yes, was with like minded people and I met so many great professors and people that I still have in connection that are friends or that I would, you know, connect for business reasons. And I love that. But it just wasn't the best friends like I met in undergrad. And it didn't give me that safety that I had before. So I finished the program, I went straight to work and I worked. And it was, I mean, a great learning experience. I worked in PR for a fashion showroom in SoHo, Manhattan. And it was a lot of work. I mean, I think I could start my own PR firm by myself at this point, but we're not gonna do that. But throughout the way, because I was so lonely and because I didn't make friends right away, and because I found making friends, making true friends as an adult so hard, I kept FaceTiming or calling people from back home. So I would have on FaceTime, my best friend, probably all hours of the day we wouldn't even talk to each other, we'd be doing totally different things and we would just be on FaceTime, honestly wasting time. But it felt comfortable. It was my sense of home. And if I wasn't calling her, I was calling my ex. And maybe I should have picked a different friend. But I chose him because he was a safety, he was a reminder of home. And I kind of lived through him at the time. And as much as I know now, and I've grown to understand that it did more damage than it did good at the time. It was a quick release, it was a quick solution to my problem. So did that. But we were on and off. I mean, infidelity happened and we broke up again. I mean, it happened before I left, but it happened as well as when I left and we ended. So I got into the New York dating scene and the only word I can probably describe the New York dating scene is trauma or horror. Because in Toronto it's not great. I mean there's still those assholes, there's still those idiots that think they can get anybody and do whatever they want and not suffer any consequences. But in New York it's just elevated. Everyone makes a lot of frickin money and they have great houses and apartments and beautiful clothes and designer this, designer that. And I think it kind of gets to their head a little bit. They have a lot and they don't almost. I mean a lot of them don't want to settle down, they want to just have fun with the money that they're making, the job that they're into making it in New York and so many girls flock to them that it was difficult to have someone settle down. And I wasn't used to that. I mean, in Toronto, everyone that I had a thing with wanted to date me and I'm a lover girl. So I was looking to date in New York and that didn't help. That didn't happen for me. Everyone's like, how do you give so much advice when you're single? Listen, I'm single by choice. I'm not settling for these a holes, okay? I am single by choice and I'm happy for it. But with that being said, I did enjoy the ride. Like I want to say this is very blunt and this is very honest. I probably had situationship wise more than three, less than eight, five or six, maybe seven. We're drawing the line at seven because I think seven is even pushing it a little bit. But I mean those were great. That was a very big learning Experience. I think my friends from back home literally used me as, like, story time. Like, I. It was hilarious. Like, I was the joke. Because dating in New York is insane. And we'll get into that in another episode, because that is a whole hour of a talk, and I will get way too wound up. This is just the beginning. Okay, I don't want to scare you off too soon, but back to New York and back to how I even got here and how I got to social media and why the hell I'm even doing a podcast right now. So because I was so lonely and because I was so uncomfortable in living alone in New York, I started to just take TikTok's for fun. It. I like to dress up, I like to do my makeup, and I like to be in front of a camera. And I mean, this is kind of cringy to say, but I love to hear myself talk. I could talk to a wall for four hours if it wasn't a crazy thing to do. So I would just take these TikToks and I would talk about my dating experience. I would talk about the difference between Canada and America, and I would talk about, you know, the issues that I was having, anxiety, things that were going on in my life, and people, I think, just understood or found it amusing or could make fun of me or found it funny or could relate, anything, and people were reaching out. So I was like, okay, let me just keep doing it. It's fun. I can find people and find friends through this. So I would keep doing it. And one day I woke up and I had. I think it was. Let me even pull it up, because it was one of, like, my best videos. It was how to know. It was things guys do when they don't like you. And I found those out the hard way. But I made that, and I got, like, 40 million views on it. And then I think it was like New York Times and Daily Post posted about it. I mean, a lot of our. Like, a lot of publications and press posted about it. Some were very negative, but press is press exposure is great. Anything talking about you is good. Is good. You know, you're getting your name out there. Some people were chirping me. Some people were laughing at it. Some people called me a dating expert, which I am not. But I learn more every day. And I will tell you what I wish I did and not to do exactly what I did. But that's why I kind of got into TikTok. And then I didn't want to post things on Instagram because My dad's friends have me on there, my mom's friends have me on there, my brother's friends have me on there. People that I actually know, maybe professors in my past, and I was like, ain't no way I'm going to tell them how to know a guy doesn't like you, like, really me saying that they're going to unfollow me. So I just didn't. And I left it to TikTok. And then I was like, I have to. I have like zero followers on Instagram and a lot of followers on TikTok. So I just started posting them recently, within the last, I want to say, like six months to a year. And, I mean, I'm growing, but I'm nothing in comparison to TikTok. And TikTok's my favorite. I feel like I'm talking to, like, people that actually relate and want to hear me speak. So it's. It's fun, it's funny. I'm never gonna stop. I wanna do it more. And I get DMs a lot of the time of people telling me their stories and asking for help or asking for guidance or asking for, you know, a bit of coaching into what I would do in that situation. So that's why I'm here. And, you know, it's not gonna be perfect. You might not agree with everything I say, but let's talk about it. Let's talk about the things that. I mean, I would always go to YouTube to, like, search things of how to do this, how to kiss for the first time, how to talk to a boy, how to flirt. And, I mean, they didn't really do it justice. So I like to think of myself as the person that's actually gonna talk about it because it is cringey, it is awkward, it is difficult to talk to your friends or your parents and people about those things. And I'm an open book. So ask me anything. And if you don't want to be named, I will consider you anonymous and we can talk about it, because I guarantee not just you have that question, but thousands and thousands and thousands of other people will have those questions, too. So that's me. If you have any other questions about me, please do ask, because I will get straight to those. But I wanted to make this a little fun. And the person that brought a lot of fun to my life since moving here to Toronto is my roommate. And I asked a few days ago for people to tell me some traumatic things or questions that they have about, you know, the dating scene. And I got a lot of replies. So we're actually gonna go through a few of them and talk about our perspective on it. What we think about the topic just open up to you about what we think because we've both been in long term relationships, we've both been through a lot of shit in our life, we've both overcome a lot of things. And even talking to her, she is a very strong individual through tough times. So I take her word and I think you should too. So for further ado, let's welcome Amy.
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B
Hi everyone, I'm Amy. I'm the roommate.
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A
She is the roommate.
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B
I moved to Toronto about six years ago. So I grew up in a small town similar to where you grew up. And I moved here for school and then started a business when I was 21, which has kind of kept me in the city and I've lived here ever since. And just a lot of new beginnings going on right now. We just moved into a brand new apartment.
- [15:17]
A
I mean, you've been here for how long now?
- [15:19]
B
I've been here for five years.
- [15:22]
A
Yeah.
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B
Yeah. So it's been a while. Toronto is home.
- [15:25]
A
Yeah, Toronto is home. And like, I didn't know what the feeling was of like, home because I kept chasing after New York.
- [15:33]
B
Yeah.
- [15:33]
A
But being back here and living with you and having in a gorgeous place in an area that we're so familiar with, I feel that sense of, like, comfortability and I feel that sense of home. And I'm like, holy crap, I never thought I'd get to this. But it's just the right place. You just know you have to make those uncomfortable decisions, uncomfortable choices, and you have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations to even get to where you want to go. Life isn't easy. Good things don't come easy. You got to put in the work. And especially, I'm sure you can attest to this with your business Asta, and with even your other job too. Like, you had to make those difficult decisions. I don't think that was easy.
- [16:11]
B
Definitely. I think it helps so much who you surround yourself with and the circle that you build, especially when you go through big changes, like a move, moving back to a city. It's all about who you have around you to support you through that change. So I think that helps a lot.
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A
And I mean, you can outgrow friendships too. Like, yes, it's great to meet new people and yes, it's great to have your friends growing up or from childhood, but you can always meet new people and you can always outgrow people. I had a great, you know, group from high school, and I'm friends with some of them, but some of them I outgrew, and that's okay. But at the same time, we are. We knew each other a bit. Like when I was here in Toronto two years ago, we would hang out in the same crowds, go out and things together, but we weren't like besties or anything by any means. So now, I mean, just living together for the past two weeks, we're basically dating each other.
- [17:06]
B
We are.
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A
We're both single ladies, so if you ever want to speed dating, give us the men. But yeah. So how did we meet? Explain the story of that. And to preface this, we get a lot of weird looks when we give this story. But it's a happy story. Okay? We like it.
- [17:22]
B
It is a happy story. And we have a funny, like, family tie, which I love. But we actually met. I think it was during COVID when everybody was doing the house party thing. All the bars, restaurants were closed in Toronto, so you could really only go to a house party. So I met you at your brother's house party, actually. So we had a lot of fun. We had a crap.
- [17:45]
A
Was that the night that we did the karaoke?
- [17:48]
B
Yeah.
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A
Yeah.
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B
We were doing, like, rap battles.
- [17:50]
A
Yep. We were not sober.
- [17:53]
B
Definitely not.
- [17:56]
A
And then take two years later, we moved in. How. How do we connect again? Who was the two people that connected us again?
- [18:07]
B
A couple weeks after we first met? So hit it off. We had a great friend group, great group of people that we were kind of hanging out with during those times. I had a birthday party, and I think you had moved to New York at this point or like the exact.
- [18:23]
A
Same kind of time.
- [18:23]
B
Yeah. Shortly after we met, and I ended up inviting your brother, who is in a similar friend group to me. We all kind of got along. So he came to my birthday party. My sister was there, and they hit it off, so they started dating. So my older sister now dates Sarah's older brother. They're in love. They have a great, like.
- [18:46]
A
We look at them and we're like, I need to find myself that. Like, I need that right there. And I'm not settling until I get that. So they've pretty much said and unachievable standard, which. Thank you, guys. And I hope you watch. Anyone's gonna watch this ever, it's gonna be my mom and dad, my brother and sister, because I'm gonna make them and your sister. But I mean, it's not just like, we were friends before, and I mean, Our families are very similar. We just get it. And we're very similar individuals too. So it's kind of nice having this big old family.
- [19:21]
B
It is. It's very comforting knowing that we have.
- [19:24]
A
That family tie and our brother and sister live literally two minute walk. Yeah. Not even next door neighbors, which is great at a lot of the times and probably great for you all the time. But having a brother lives so close, I'm like, God forbid, I'm like walking home with a boy or on a date and my brother sees me. I don't want that. He's a productive brother. I don't need that all the time. He's probably gonna be protective over you too. So probably we're gonna both have to watch it.
- [19:49]
B
Yeah.
- [19:50]
A
So the few questions that we're gonna talk about, I mean, I have like seven.
- [19:54]
B
Yeah.
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A
So we can kind of go through a few. But I'm gonna say this one because you said something to me. We were talking about. We were watching a movie about like cheating the other day.
- [20:10]
B
Yep. And it was. What was the movie called?
- [20:13]
A
I don't know. But it was old and it was so good.
- [20:15]
B
The Other Woman.
- [20:15]
A
The Other Woman, yeah.
- [20:16]
B
Great movie.
- [20:17]
A
You need to watch it, especially if you've been cheated on because I related so much. Yeah, but you said something. I think it was like today or yesterday and it was about this kind of questions. Maybe it'll come back to you.
- [20:31]
B
Okay. Hopefully it does.
- [20:32]
A
Tips to help your friend get over a cheating ex. Okay, so your friend just got cheated on and they broke up. What are tips that you would give her?
- [20:47]
B
I always think, and this doesn't just apply to cheating. I think it applies to every kind of breakup that you go through. I always think the best thing you can do for yourself is put all of that energy back into yourself. And often in a relationship, you put so much of your energy into that other person that you're dating. And I think kind of channeling it back into yourself. What makes you happy. Getting closer with your girlfriends. Filling your time with, you know, family, friends. Things that actually bring you happiness. I think that is the best thing you can do in any breakup. Cheating situations are obviously a lot harder and a lot more traumatizing. So I think it's just about keeping yourself busy, knowing who you are and kind of reconnecting with that and what's important to you.
- [21:35]
A
Yep. Couldn't have said it better. I was gonna say a lot of what you just said in a sense of fill your time with people that you know you love and you feel good and happy around, like, surround yourself with that good community because it does make you feel, you know, loved a way that somebody else probably made you feel loved because you're losing a bit of that from the breakup. And every breakup is a bit of grieving because you're ending a relationship. Obviously not a life, thank God, but you're ending that relationship. You're ending something. You're saying by to it. It's a bit of grieving. But at the same time, you have to find your happiness. What makes you happy other than that person? Go every day thinking, I mean, I write in my notes just now being back and being so happy in Toronto, I'm like, where is my happiness? My happiness used to be making it in New York and having all these followers. That used to be what brought me happiness, and now it brings me happiness is so much different. It's going to a coffee shop that I love or, you know, taking pictures with my friends, or dressing up and taking content, or having a great meal with a friend or family, or just quality time with people that I love. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, your happiness could totally change. So even if you break up and you go back to do your hobbies that you had before, it could totally change. So have fun with rediscovering who you are. Have fun with rediscovering, you know, what makes you happy and what brings you happiness. But I think I remember what you said now, even just saying that. Okay, you said something about. Because we were talking about past relationships and how some people move on really quickly, and some people don't move on really quickly. They kind of compare to their exes. And it's like, oh, will I ever find that love again? And you had a really good way of saying it. So do you want to.
- [23:23]
B
I kind of remember it now. And we were talking about. So you asked me if I thought I would ever find that love again in another person or if I worry about never finding that, that again. And I said so much of what made him so special and what made our relationship special was the love that I contributed to that relationship and that I gave him. Because our relationship isn't just one person. It's both of you. So I think you can't be scared that you're never going to find that again because you will be able to give that love to someone else. And it doesn't have to happen right away. It can happen down the line whenever you feel like you're ready for that. But you'll still be able to give that to someone and love someone in that same way, because that's who you are and who you are in a relationship. So you have to kind of remove them from that picture and that specific person and think that you have so much to bring to the table as a partner in a relationship, and you can totally do that again.
- [24:20]
A
And even that point of view, like, it makes you look at your relationship so differently. Like, you start to think, oh, my gosh, the thing that I keep reminding myself of is actually something that I brought to the table is actually something that I love doing even before them. That, yes, I did with them. And the only reason why I'm loving it is like. Or thinking of them in that situation is because they started to do it with them last. But, you know, implementing, like, cooking or having this or going for dinner dates. You can have dinner dates with your friends.
- [24:54]
B
Yeah.
- [24:54]
A
I mean, I am not one to do, like, solo dates and solo whatever. I should push myself, but I'm just not that girl. But, like, we go out for drinks all the time and it's. It's so fun. And yes, it's not the romantic whatever, but it's still a different form of happiness and different form of love and all of that. So it really is just an adjustment. Adjustment of how you see your future, too. Like, you don't want to be treated like that again. So what do you want? And stop thinking about the past relationship and the happy parts of that. Start thinking about what a new future would look like. Retrain your brain to think of something different.
- [25:30]
B
Yeah. I think especially if someone does you wrong in a cheating sense or if you've gone through a bad breakup, it's best to just reprogram your mind to. Instead of. When you feel those emotions of missing a relationship or wanting that love, you automatically go back to that relationship and you think of that person.
- [25:49]
A
You're lonely.
- [25:50]
B
Yeah. But you can picture it with someone new and picture that same love that you had. But instead it's a different person filling in that role.
- [25:58]
A
And that might have not or wouldn't treat you the way that made you maybe break up with that past relationship.
- [26:04]
B
Yeah, exactly.
- [26:07]
A
So we had somebody else write in a little story, and I want to hear your take on it. It's very short, so it'll be short and sweet, but let's hear. It's confusing. I'm going out with my boss, which I don't think is legal.
- [26:22]
B
Like, going out, like, dating their boss.
- [26:25]
A
We have to. We have to, we have to. Kind of unravel that. Yeah. And see if. And see if what even we think. Cuz she didn't explain it. I'm going out with my boss and he doesn't want anything serious, but he doesn't let me date. And I'm assuming that's date other people. So I'm assuming I'm going out with my boss. So like going on dates, doing things, probably hanging out, maybe hooking up, yapping away at dinner. And he doesn't want anything serious. He doesn't want to date her. Maybe because it's not allowed.
- [26:52]
B
Yeah.
- [26:52]
A
And maybe. Or maybe it's not. He doesn't want it with her. I don't know. Yeah. And then it says but he doesn't let me date anybody else. That's very territorial.
- [27:06]
B
Yeah, that sounds very controlling and unfair.
- [27:10]
A
It's like so the whole saying of have your cake and eat it too.
- [27:13]
B
Yeah.
- [27:14]
A
And that's just so unfair. We need to understand that we deserve. As much as he gets to make decisions for himself, you get to make decisions for yourself.
- [27:23]
B
Yeah.
- [27:23]
A
So you could, you could definitely say and yes, it's kind of scary. But listen, if you're not going to give me what I want, then I'm gonna go find what I want. And in the meantime, if we're having fun and that's what you want to do, by all means do it. But put yourself out there to go on dates because he can't control you. He is not your father. He is not your guardian. You are the only person that can do anything you want. No one controls you. No one has you on the little. What are you always called? You know, those things that, like, you move. The hand moves. Yeah.
- [27:53]
B
Like a puppet.
- [27:54]
A
Puppet. Yeah. Yeah. Is it a puppet?
- [27:56]
B
I think so.
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A
We'll call it a puppet because we will be on this all day.
- [27:59]
B
Yeah. But yeah, what I want to know is, is the boss also not dating other people? Because does it go both ways? If she can't see people, is he also not able to see other people?
- [28:09]
A
See a bit of trauma? I just assumed that he is.
- [28:12]
B
Yeah.
- [28:13]
A
Or he's allowed.
- [28:13]
B
But then that's not. That's not a good situation at all.
- [28:16]
A
Not fair.
- [28:17]
B
No.
- [28:18]
A
At all.
- [28:18]
B
No. Don't ever let any man tell you what you can and can't do. That's the first rule. So if he wants to pursue you, regardless of the awkward situation of you working for him or him being your boss, I feel like you have to have that like trust and communication with each other where it's like, we're in this together. Like, you don't get to tell me what to do.
- [28:42]
A
And also, confidence is hot. Understand. Like, understanding your feelings and your emotions and what you're okay with is so attractive. Saying it to someone and saying, listen, this is what I want. And if you can't provide that, I can't do this because it's a waste of your time. And at the end of the day, if you're not gonna end up together, it's a waste of his too. Yeah, it's the hard truth, but it's. It's true. And there's so many different ways of saying it. Like you said in a sense of, I love this and I'm having so much fun, but the only thing that I'm not. I don't agree with and I don't want is to be with other people. And if that's not okay with you, we need to talk about it. Let's hear where your head's at. What's the reasoning? Tell me your side of the story.
- [29:25]
B
Yeah, you know, communicate. Yeah. And I think it's hard to always lay it all out there, especially in the beginning. You don't want to communicate your feelings or your reasonings behind certain ways that you act. But you have to, especially to know if the relationship is going anywhere, if it's worth your time, or if it's just gonna fizzle out because the games are not fun in a relationship.
- [29:49]
A
The games are fun in the first, like, month because you're, like, toying with each other, whatever. But then, yeah, it's a mystery. It's. It's. You don't know what you're gonna get. But then after a month of consistently talking every day. Give it up. Yeah, give it up.
- [30:05]
B
What are we doing here?
- [30:05]
A
What are we doing? Yeah, yeah. Like, make fun of me a few times, whatever. But the whole games of making me confused as to what you want and if you even like me not. Cut that out. Cut that shit out.
- [30:17]
B
Yeah, I agree.
- [30:18]
A
So I think you need to talk to your. Can I say, significant other, your boo thang, and you need to have a conversation with him, as hard as that may be. And if it is too hard and you know that the answer, what his answer is, and it's not something that you want, think you need to make that hard decision.
- [30:36]
B
Yeah. Well said. I agree.
- [30:40]
A
Oh, yeah, this one was funny. He reposted another girl's instastory with a menu saying, happy Anniversary. So you're watching the guy that you're talking to story and it's him out for dinner with another girl and the menu that says Happy Anniversary. So he's out on a date with someone he's having an anniversary with.
- [31:04]
B
Mm.
- [31:05]
A
I mean, is. Anniversary. Yeah. There's no other way you can put anniversary.
- [31:09]
B
No.
- [31:10]
A
No. I don't think we even need to read too deep into it. I don't even know why I was questioning it. That's. That it's black and white.
- [31:16]
B
Yeah. There's. There's no other.
- [31:18]
A
But how do you. What do you even say? You saw the story and then what.
- [31:21]
B
Personally, he would be blocked?
- [31:24]
A
Yeah. Because I don't even think he needs an explanation. I think if you're stupid enough to do that, let him figure it out. Let him sweat a bit. Let him rummage through, you know, he thinking as to what happened. Make him sweat. He made you sweat. He made you hurt.
- [31:36]
B
Yeah. And if that's. If you're on an anniversary dinner with a man that I'm seeing, you can have him.
- [31:43]
A
No. He's literally all yours. Because if he does it to you, if a man shows you who they are and what they're capable of, believe it. And believe the fact that they will keep doing it to you. And the only reason why they. The only reason why they will go to somebody else is because you know them too well. Well, you know their flaws. You know what they're capable of. It's too hard for them to get around you now, so they're gonna go find easier.
- [32:09]
B
Yeah. In a scenario like that, the best thing to do is just remove yourself from the situation. You've seen what you needed to see. There's not really much you can say to talk out of that. And especially it's on Instagram. It's public. People know you guys are seeing each other, and there's not much else to be said any.
- [32:30]
A
He's probably gonna hear from other people, too, like his friends being like, bro. Like what?
- [32:34]
B
Yeah, like you don't want to be.
- [32:35]
A
And also you want to be in the group chat. A screenshot in the group chat.
- [32:39]
B
There's gonna be a group chat.
- [32:40]
A
Yeah. You do not want to be the person that they're talking about in the group chat.
- [32:43]
B
No.
- [32:44]
A
You're gonna walk away, and you're gonna be the best thing that he never had.
- [32:48]
B
Love that. Yeah. That's a great way to put it.
- [32:52]
A
Oh, my God, I hate this one. This one gives me so much anxiety. Girlfriend and best friend were flirting in DMs while I was fighting cancer. Now, ex girlfriend and ex Best friend.
- [33:04]
B
Oh, my gosh.
- [33:05]
A
So at the horrible time in this man's life, his girlfriend and his best friend were flirting, hiding it because they were trying to do it in DMs. At this most. At the time that he needed you most. That I'm. I'm so happy that it is an ex girlfriend or next boyfriend. They do not deserve to be in your life, period.
- [33:30]
B
Definitely not. That's horrible from both ends. It's horrible of the girlfriend, horrible of the best friend. I don't know what's worse.
- [33:37]
A
And they both. It's like, you know when someone cheats on you and it's a random. And they didn't even know that you guys were dating. It's not their fault. So stop taking it out on Becky. It's Jimmy's fault because Jimmy knew what he was doing and he owed you respect and he betrayed you.
- [33:51]
B
Both of them.
- [33:51]
A
It's Jimmy and it's Becca that are freaking betraying you. They owed you both. They both owed you respect.
- [33:57]
B
Yeah, that. That's hard.
- [33:59]
A
And during a hard time.
- [34:01]
B
Yeah.
- [34:02]
A
Like, way to kick me when I'm down.
- [34:04]
B
Yeah. I think people truly show their colors. And especially from a support perspective in your life, when you're going through the hardest time, how the people around you act will tell you everything you need to know.
- [34:17]
A
So telling.
- [34:17]
B
And it can be a boyfriend, it can be a best friend. It can be anyone in your life. How they show up for you.
- [34:23]
A
Even a family member.
- [34:24]
B
Yeah. Anybody. And if you can't even put your own needs or, like, desires or the desire to flirt with someone in DMS aside, then you don't deserve to be in that person's life at all.
- [34:37]
A
I'm so sorry, but there are billions and billions of people in this world.
- [34:43]
B
Yeah.
- [34:44]
A
And there are so many ways to find people from all across the world. And you couldn't find somebody el else other than your best friend's girlfriend to flirt with, or you couldn't find someone other than your boyfriend's best friend to flirt with? You dirty, dirty dogs sit in a timeout for a while.
- [35:01]
B
That's not okay.
- [35:02]
A
That's bad behavior. And hopefully it was a mistake and not who you are, period.
- [35:08]
B
Yeah.
- [35:10]
A
How do I know if she likes me or not? We have been on a lot of dates, and I don't know exactly.
- [35:17]
B
That's a good question. I feel like everybody feels that way. When you're talking to someone new, you always go through those doubts of wondering if they like you, question it, what their intentions are, but it Takes you back to that classic saying, if they wanted to, they would. And if someone likes you, I truly think they will pursue you and their actions will show it. They'll want to see you again. They'll be texting you, putting the effort in. Especially if you've been on multiple dates and they've seen who you are.
- [35:46]
A
And I mean, it is saying something. The fact that they even. We've been on dates, so I don't know if this is coming from which side, but it is telling that they went on date. Like, they went out of their way. They're not just flirting with you online and not ever meeting up.
- [36:03]
B
Yeah.
- [36:03]
A
Like a lot of people do do that, sadly.
- [36:05]
B
Yeah.
- [36:05]
A
But they went on the dates. They took time out of their day to do that with you. So that is one sign that they are interested. Interested in what? The attention, a relationship, the fun night, the free food. It's. What are they interested in? And maybe, I mean, the. A simple thing to do would just be pull away a bit and see if they, you know, make a little bit more effort.
- [36:30]
B
Yeah.
- [36:30]
A
Or like we said before, communication. I mean, it's terrifying. But just saying, like, I mean, within the first month, I wouldn't have that conversation. Because a lot of the times people get a little scared and you might scare them out of it.
- [36:45]
B
Yeah.
- [36:45]
A
But at the end of the day, if they. If it's meant to be, it will be. And if you have that conversation on day one, what are you looking for? Or just say, hey, I'm looking for a relationship. Is that in your future plans? I don't know if it's going to work out between us, but that's what my goal is. And I don't want to waste my time with just a fling anymore.
- [37:00]
B
Yeah.
- [37:00]
A
So just tell me straight up.
- [37:02]
B
Definitely. I think the communication can be so scary. So scary. And if it's been a couple dates. But that same thing that we said earlier, like, you have to kind of put yourself out there to know if you're wasting your time or not. And even having that conversation, it doesn't have to be super heavy. It can be like a light text, but just to see where things are going and if it's worth your time. And if you don't want the same thing, then that's fine and you guys can go separate ways and find other people.
- [37:29]
A
And I just thought of something. I've used this one in the past. If someone, like, compliments you or says they miss you or something, or says something cute to you, you can be like, oh, so you like me, question mark and see how they respond to that question.
- [37:42]
B
That's what I mean. Light little ways.
- [37:43]
A
Light, little funky, fun.
- [37:46]
B
Yeah.
- [37:47]
A
And then if they, like, double text, you'd be like, oh, the double tax. You thinking about me?
- [37:50]
B
Yeah.
- [37:50]
A
Or you miss me, you know, and, like, give them a nudge and they might even say they might be awkward with it and be like, maybe a little bit. But that is still very telling. And then it opens up a bigger, broader conversation.
- [38:02]
B
Yeah.
- [38:02]
A
Where more feeling is involved.
- [38:04]
B
Yeah. It doesn't always have to be, like, a heavy, scary conversation. You can say it in a flirty way. That's still fun. And then if they shut it down, you can kind of brush it off and change the subject. But then at least you know how they react to that.
- [38:17]
A
And you, like, for anything, you can just laugh and giggle and be like, so how is your day? You know, like, you can change the conversation really quickly if you sense that someone's getting awkward. You can easily just be like, I'm kidding.
- [38:28]
B
Yeah.
- [38:29]
A
How was your day? You know? And then you can go back to yourself and reflect on that.
- [38:33]
B
Yeah.
- [38:34]
A
Reflect on that answer and why it was so weird. Maybe he was nervous.
- [38:38]
B
Maybe.
- [38:39]
A
Maybe he didn't want to answer that question. That was pretty good.
- [38:44]
B
Yeah.
- [38:45]
A
I wish I had this advice. Like, I know. I mean, we give each other advice every single day.
- [38:51]
B
Yeah.
- [38:52]
A
But, like, I. In grade, like, when did I first, like, voice? Literally ever. But I remember young age. Young age. But, like, when I was young and dating and liked people and, like, didn't know how to figure out my way, like, I freaking wish I had someone to be like, just ask the damn question.
- [39:12]
B
Me, too.
- [39:12]
A
And I would be like, you're allowed to do that. But. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are.
- [39:17]
B
You don't know until you know. You have to go through. You have to make all the mistakes to learn how to react in those situations. I think both of us have been there where we've made all the mistakes. Absolutely.
- [39:28]
A
And, like, I've been embarrassed in situations. I've cried after being shut down. I've been happy that I figured it out sooner. Like.
- [39:35]
B
Yeah.
- [39:36]
A
I mean, it's nice to have emotions.
- [39:38]
B
Yeah.
- [39:39]
A
And you just have to think of it in a positive way. The world is trying to tell you something.
- [39:43]
B
Yep.
- [39:44]
A
How do you get out of a relationship you feel stuck in? And this is what we're going to end on?
- [39:50]
B
This is a good one.
- [39:51]
A
This one's tough because I never, like, I've always just ended it, like, even When I have a thought, I'm like, if I am thinking about breaking up with them tomorrow, it's too far gone. Like, I have to.
- [40:06]
B
Yeah. Which is a great way to think, because a lot of people don't hold on, think that quickly, and act that quickly. They feel stuck. And as you get older, you're living with someone. Your families are interconnected. You have all the same friends, and it goes deeper than just leaving that person and starting over. It's like so much of your life gets intertwined, but I think at the end of the day, you have to put yourself first and picture a whole new start for yourself and what your life could look like without that person.
- [40:38]
A
You could never fill up someone else's cup if you can't fill up your own. And if you find yourself drowning, you can't save somebody else if you can't even save yourself. So it truly is like happiness is. Yes, it is. A lot of, you know what's around you, but it's also how you. What you tell yourself every day. If you want to be happy, go out there and be happy. Find. Find what makes you happy. And if that relationship isn't making you happy, Say, I know this is tough, and a breakup is tough, but it's even tougher going five years down the line and saying, now I'm miserable, and I wish more than anything I ended this five years ago. Or sooner.
- [41:18]
B
Yeah, exactly. The earlier you realize that, the better, and it can even come down to communication again. You could say that to your partner and say, listen, I don't think I'm happy right now. Like, things aren't going the way I want it to. See how that conversation goes.
- [41:33]
A
And maybe it switches things. Maybe they. The relationship changes, and they want to.
- [41:37]
B
Do what they can to make you feel.
- [41:38]
A
Yeah.
- [41:39]
B
And that could be a turning point.
- [41:40]
A
You work on it. You go to relationship therapy, if that's something you guys are open to. Like, there's so many things that could change, but being open and honest about it is a great start.
- [41:50]
B
Yeah, definitely. I agree with that.
- [41:53]
A
And a lot of the time, the other person senses it.
- [41:55]
B
Yeah.
- [41:56]
A
You know what I mean? It's not. A lot of people aren't oblivious. Some people are. Some people are, But a lot of people are. Okay. So they probably sense something's off, too.
- [42:06]
B
Yeah. So they probably both grow apart over time, I think.
- [42:09]
A
And you're both uncomfortable. And what's. What's the goodness in that?
- [42:13]
B
Yeah.
- [42:13]
A
No party is happy.
- [42:14]
B
No, that's so true.
- [42:18]
A
Well, let's cheers because we just finished our first episode.
- [42:21]
B
We did.
- [42:22]
A
And you'll see many more of this couch. Maybe a different couch, because we're hopefully getting a bigger one. But to the first episode of Tall, blonde, very fitting, with two blondes.
- [42:33]
B
Two blondes, yeah.
- [42:34]
A
So please come back. Ask anything you want to ask. I will answer and be so vulnerable to you. Anything you want, please. This is your spot to confess. Anything. I am here for you, and I would love to give you all the gossip, give you all the rundowns, give you all the how to's, and I love you guys, and I will see you very, very soon.