Tara Brach Podcast

Episode: Awakening Compassion in a Fearful World: The Practice of Tonglen
Host: Tara Brach
Date: November 20, 2025

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Tara Brach delves into the urgent need for compassion amid growing fear, division, and emotional numbing in today’s world. Drawing from both psychological insight and Buddhist wisdom, she explores why and how our hearts close, and offers Tonglen—an ancient Tibetan meditation practice—as a concrete tool for awakening compassion, both for ourselves and others. Through stories, contemplations, and a guided meditation, Tara guides listeners to reconnect with their capacity for empathy, belonging, and transformative action.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Decline of Empathy and the “Trance” of Disconnection

• Texting & Tech’s Emotional Gap

  • Tara opens with a humorous story about misunderstanding "LOL" to highlight how digital communication can lead to emotional disconnect (00:50-06:25).
  • She observes:

    “The amount of texting we do instead of personal contact means less empathy, less compassion. It’s really in decline.” (06:25)

• Social Media & Societal Disconnection

  • Studies show that increased social media use correlates with declining empathy and compassion in society (06:25-08:40).
  • Compassion is needed now more than ever, both for global survival and personal healing.

2. The Science and Psychology of Compassion

• Relational Circuits and "Othering"

  • Compassion arises when we see another’s subjective vulnerability; our brains are wired for this, but stress and fear deactivate those circuits (08:40-14:45).
  • “In the language of trance…we’re in, to some degree, that trance of narrowed focus. We're self-centered. We're not inhabiting our wholeness or awakened, integrated heart-mind.” (11:45)
  • When caught in self-concern, others become “like non-player characters in a video game,” useful or obstructive, but not real (13:30).

• Noticing Disconnection in Daily Life

  • Tara offers personal examples and invites listeners to reflect on times others have become “unreal” due to stress or agenda (14:45-24:30).

3. Reflective Exercise: Making Others Real

• Contemplative Pause (24:30-32:55)

  • Tara introduces a guided reflection:
    a. Bring to mind someone you’re insecure around—did you notice their inner experience?
    b. Recall someone you had an agenda with—how real were they to you?
    c. Think of a loved one you interacted with while stressed—did you sense their vulnerability or just see them as an obstacle/resource?

  • She summarizes:

    “Just notice how even a little inquiry starts to restore their dimensionality as real…when you remember the humanness behind the eyes.” (32:50)

4. Waking from the Trance of "Unreal Othering"

• Stories on Compassion and Connection

  • Cat Story: A community softens by tending to a stray cat, illustrating how seeing vulnerability and offering care awakens shared humanity (34:10-37:00).

  • Naomi Nye Quote:

    “Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness, you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho lies dead by the side of the road... you must see how this could be you.” (37:25)

  • Unitarian Church Christmas Story:
    Tara shares a powerful family story (39:25-45:47) about bias and breaking through it—a baby’s openness bringing painful awareness of how adults diminish others due to difference.

    • Notable line by Tara:

      “How many people do I just diminish or in some way not see due to bias…in all the ways that I make others unreal, others that are different, others that I just forget my belonging to?” (45:20)

• The Mind and Heart

  “The mind creates the abyss and the heart crosses it.” — Nisargadatta Maharaj (46:00)

5. Compassion as a Trainable Capacity—Tonglen Practice

• Essence of Tonglen

  • “Tonglen” means “sending and taking”—breathing in suffering, breathing out relief (49:00-53:30).

  • Two Core Moves:

    • a. Let yourself be touched by another’s suffering
    • b. Offer care (energetically, through prayer, or action)

  • Tonglen intentionally reverses normal habits: rather than avoiding pain, we open to it, and rather than withholding, we give spaciousness and care.

  • “It’s an intentional use of our imagination to get close in to others that we might habitually just consider unreal and not pay attention to, to see their realness.” (46:50)

• Guidance and Tips

  • Start where it feels manageable—don’t choose traumas that overwhelm you.

  • If resistance, judgment, or aversion arise, do Tonglen for the part of yourself experiencing those feelings.

  • If breath as a vehicle feels difficult, just use intention.

  • Proximity is key—even if only through imagination (Bryan Stevenson’s “get proximate” principle).

  • “Let the heart be a transformer of sorrow.” (Bryan Stevenson, 58:45)

6. Practicing Tonglen: Guided Meditation

(01:06:50-01:16:30 – Timestamp Approximate, Actual segment may slightly vary)

• Tara begins with settling the body, breathing in openness and out spaciousness.
• Listeners are guided to bring someone (or themselves) to mind who is suffering, imagine their reality, and begin the process:
  • Breathing in: Receiving and allowing the pain into the heart
  • Breathing out: Offering spaciousness, care, loving presence
• If resistance is encountered, practice Tonglen for oneself before returning to the other.
• The practice finishes by widening out care to all beings experiencing similar suffering.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Numbness and Distractedness:

  “It becomes easier to be complicit or passive, to turn a blind eye to the horrors in our own country or elsewhere. We can get habituated.” (12:50)

• On the Essence of Compassion:

  “Compassion arises when we directly sense the vulnerability, our hurt in others, in ourself. It arises when others are real to us, when we perceive them as subjective, living beings like us.” (08:55)

• On Bias and Belonging:

  “How many people do I just diminish or in some way not see due to bias in all the ways that I make others unreal, others that are different, others that I just forget my belonging to?” (45:20)

• On the Practice of Tonglen:

  “We use the breath with tonglen…and on the in-breath, instead of resisting what hurts…we actually let ourselves gently receive it…on the out-breath…we surrender the tight into the field of space and love we’re offering them.” (51:30)

• On Collective Transformation:

  “The more we intentionally practice, the more all beings become real. We’re living in wider circles…the cat, the plant, the tree, the human. We can never be alone. Our hearts get connected through compassion.” (01:05:20)

• Naomi Shihab Nye’s Story (Airport Cookies):

  “Once the confusion stopped, no one was afraid. They took the cookies. We held hands, and I thought, this can still happen anywhere. Not everything is lost.” (01:04:20)

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |--------------------------------------------|--------------------------| | Story: Misunderstanding “LOL” | 00:50 – 06:25 | | Decline of Compassion in Society | 06:25 – 08:40 | | Science of Compassion, "Othering" | 08:40 – 14:45 | | Personal Examples, Noticing “Unreal” Other | 14:45 – 24:30 | | Reflective Exercise: Making Others Real | 24:30 – 32:55 | | Stories on Compassion & Connection | 34:10 – 45:47 | | The Mind Creates the Abyss | 46:00 | | Introducing Tonglen | 49:00 – 53:30 | | Tips for Practicing Tonglen | 53:30 – 01:05:00 | | Naomi Nye’s Airport Story | 01:04:20 – 01:06:00 | | Guided Tonglen Meditation | 01:06:50 – 01:16:30 | | Closing Prayer and Blessing | 01:17:00 – End |

Tone and Style

Tara’s delivery is gentle, inviting, and warm—often pausing for reflection and humor, but grounded in honesty about suffering and the obstacles to compassion. She uses evocative storytelling, poetic language, and frequent references to both Buddhist and Western figures.

Summary Takeaway

Tara Brach’s episode is an urgent call to wake from the trance of disconnection, nourished by stories and tangible practices. By seeing others’ vulnerability and exchanging self for others through Tonglen, we not only heal our own hearts, but also ripple compassion through our world’s widening circles. The message: compassion is a trainable skill, and the practice of making others real is both a spiritual and practical path to personal and collective healing.

“May our awakening hearts ripple out to touch all beings everywhere, that there might be a growing justice, peace, love and freedom in our world. May all beings everywhere awaken and be free.”
— Tara Brach (Closing Blessing, 01:17:00)