← Tara Brach
Tara Brach
Spiritual Audacity: The Lion's Roar of the Heart
01:23:33
When we remember our deep belonging to this world, a fierce and tender courage begins to move through us. In this talk, we’ll explore “spiritual audacity” as a sacred, embodied boldness—the lion’s roar of the awakened heart. Through personal...
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Foreign. Welcome, friends, to the Tara Brak Podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Each week I share teachings and guided meditations to help us awaken our hearts and bring healing to our world. You can learn more or support this offering by visiting tarabrock.com where you can also join our email list. Now let's explore together the many ways we can live from the love and presence that's our deepest essence. Namaste. Namaste. It's really a treat to be in this heart space together. I'd like to start with a story that occurred a number of years ago. I was presenting at a large psychology conference, and the first keynote speech that I was there for was a white male speaker, very well known, high status in the field. He was talking, I think, about emotional regulation. And in his talk, he said something like this. He said, young black men are more prone to violence and criminal behavior. Then he went on to other things. Well, it was open. Then he opened to questions. And the first person to come to the mic was a young black man. And he stood there and he was quiet for a bit. It was a pause. And in that pause, I could just feel the sense of his presence and dignity. And he spoke some and he said, when you said that, it was like you erased my humanity. And then he said, I just want to ask you right now to imagine what it's like to live in a black body in this country, what it's like to have been shaped by generations of violence, by slavery, Jim Crow, police brutality, everyday racism. This is the air we breathe. And if you don't sense that violence, the violence of white America, you can't see who we really are or what healing requires. Okay, so there was a total stunned silence and then a sprinkling of applause and then more applause, and many of us with tears. What he did is what I would now call spiritual audacity. It's a courage, a daring, a confidence that arises in the face of injustice or fear. And that comes when we're caring deeply and embodying an awake heart. It's very clean. So today I'm going to reflect on this word or these words, spiritual audacity. And I want to start by thanking my dear friend, my colleague, meditation teacher Sharon Shelton, who some months ago drew my attention to the term, and it's been growing on me. It's an unusual term, right? Spiritual audacity. But I'm finding it has so much relevance for our personal life and so deeply needed, this capacity in responding to our current times, to the perils that we're facing. It's what we need to wake up from this trance that has us in business as usual, like we're waiting out a storm into the courage to engage and speak our truth, to act on behalf of what we love. So Rabbi Abraham Heschel, he himself, a lot of spiritual audacity, was a spiritual mystic, a scholar, this courageous voice of conscience. And he coined the term in a letter to John F. Kennedy. It was during the civil rights movement. He was reflecting in this letter on the centuries of oppression of black people. And he said, this historic moment calls us to respond with moral grandeur and spiritual audacity, the courage rooted in conviction of the intrinsic worth of all beings. So after marching with Martin Luther King in Selma, Heschel he said this, this is a famous quote. He said, I felt like my legs were praying. In our world, in the face of threats, injustice, spiritual audacity does express as love in action some of the words that kind of help to get a feeling for it. Daring, creative, fierce compassion. A dedication to freedom to a dedication to the well being of all. Martin Luther King, when he said, when we feel it collectively, it's soul force. And in our personal lives, spiritual audacity is the energy that out of our love for life and for waking up, lets us dare to live fully. And I want to go slow here and take a moment because I suspect you've sensed this energy at different times. It arises when something feels important enough that we take a risk. So it might be that we so deeply want to heal old wounds that we willingly lean into fear that we've been avoiding for a long time. Or it might be that we have a real longing for connection and we take the chance of being more vulnerable and real. Or that we take risks and bring creativity to our work. It's that feeling of going for it and it's not grasping. It's after we've played small or tried to keep safe or comfortable, what we're going for, we're going for helping, for spiritual awakening, for the adventure of living with our whole heart, our whole being. So it's valuable to sense, okay, so what gives rise to this? What allows us to go for it, to really have that courage and that daring and that confidence. So what are the roots? And so I was reflecting on this and some of you are probably too young to remember the old answering machines, you know, the ones with the tape recordings that you'd call somebody and you'd hear a recording of their voice and so on. Well, I remember One friend in our kind of extended spiritual community. And you'd call her and you'd hear her voice, and what she'd say is, hello, I'm so and so. And what I want to know is, who are you and what do you really want? And it was kind of like that, and it always cracked me up. And these are the questions, right? The deep questions, and they're the roots of spiritual audacity. It's trusting and knowing who we really are beyond the coverings, as I sometimes call it, of our ego, self. And you all, you wouldn't be here if you didn't have intuitions and glimmers into this mystery of who we really are. We touch into it when we're with someone who's dying, or sometimes in nature, or when we're open wide by love, sometimes we're meditating. And in the quietness, all the thoughts that keep a sense of self alive, kind of quiet. And there's a vastness and a quietness and a tenderness and a mystery. So who are you? I mean, there are all sorts of names. Spirit, loving, awareness, the divine, the mystery. I've been lately, the words, love, light. But what the sense is, is that there's this purity or basic goodness that lives through us. I'll share a little essay that I got recently and it's called the Difference Between Cats and Dogs. This is the dog first, who's speaking? Human life form. You keep me warm and give me food. You cater to my every mood. You give me hugs, you give me love. All of this you do for free. There's nothing you wouldn't do for me, whatever the odds. Therefore, I conclude you must be God. This is the cat. Human life form. You keep me warm and give me food. You cater to my every mood. You give me hugs. You give me love. All of this you do for free. There's nothing you wouldn't do for me, whatever the odds. Therefore, I conclude I must be God. I love it. The roots of spiritual audacity. We have to merge our canines and felines together because it's the knowing that our shared essence is awareness, is spirit, is God, is basic goodness. And out of that, that question, what do you want? What we want, when we know what we really are, what matters is living from truth, living from love. Who are you and what do you want? So in Tibetan Buddhism, when we're awake to the experience that these inquiries bring, when we're awake to the truth of our own vastness and depth and goodness, when we know that what matters is Love is compassion. It gives us enormous power and confidence. It's called the lion's roar, which is part of the title of this reflection, because it's just like in a jungle, the lion's roar. And it silences everything. And the lion's roar silences delusion. This is the understanding that it carries truth into the world with confidence, with power, with authority. So back to our basic theme of why is this crucial right now? These are expressions of the awakened heart, mind. Why now? And the reason is because we are sinking into a trance of collective fear. We are all affected by it. It's kind of hubris to think that we're not belonging to our world and immune. There's such huge insecurity in the atmosphere. I mean, the economy, loss of democracy in the United States, a military invasion into our cities, violence, oppression. These are shadow times. And we have forgotten who we are, and we have forgotten what matters. And this is collectively. So when fear takes over, that's the meaning of trance. We are, you know, hijacked and living from our survival brain. And individually, the signs are we feel more anxious and isolated. We might feel angry or depressed. And if we look at the global polls of mental health, that's what it is. That's what people are feeling, the signs of the trance of fear. And collectively, as a society, these are the times that lead to the kind of dividedness everybody's talking about and the cruelty and authoritarian takeovers. It's happening. So the choice is, do we succumb to trance or do we deepen our attention and reconnect to the who we are and the what matters and respond with courage to our world, with caring, with that empowerment that comes when we remember our belonging. Probably the first step in choosing to deepen attention and wake up is just looking at the signs of trance in ourselves. I can certainly see it in myself. You know, I can see the different ways and sense freeze, flight and fight if I look at myself. But just to say them more slowly, just so you can kind of take a moment to scan your own life. And as you're relating to the larger, society freezes when we are kind of on hold. We're waiting. It's like, okay, I'm gonna wait till the storm passes. You know, just kind of staying put. The flight is when we're anxiously trying to ward off the dangers. You know, staying busy, low profile, playing small, trying to protect ourselves, our families, our own little area, but obeying in advance. That's such an amazing, powerful phrase. In other words, like how it is is a done deal, you know, or perhaps we're in fight, which is bad othering, feeling morally superior, blaming our own form of aggression. And as I said, I can see different streams of all of those in my own body, mind, and what's happening. But when we're in trance, and this is the meaning of trance, we're cut off from our own wholeness and from others. And when there's a collective trance, it is the grounds historically and now for fascism, authoritarianism, for huge scales of violence. Some years back, a friend went to Rwanda, to the Genocide Memorial Center. There she saw a quote and emailed it to me. It was a quote on a plaque in the memorial. And the quote was, if you knew me and you really knew yourself, you would not have killed me. If you knew me and you really knew yourself, you would not have killed me. And isn't it true that genocide, cruelty, oppression, it wouldn't happen if we really knew who we were and what mattered? It's only possible when we forget, when we forget our belonging. There's an anonymous quote I like, which is fear is great, and greater yet is the truth of our connectedness, of our oneness, of love, light. So the deal is through our individual lives and collectively, we forget and remember, forget and remember. You know, we forget, we go into trance, we go into darkness, we act out, we suffer. And it's our nature to remember and to awaken, to turn back towards the light as millions are right as we are together here honoring Diwali, you know, the festival of lights. Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, some Buddhists. So let's look now how we do that, you know, how we shift from trance where we're imprisoned some in that, in that sense of disconnection to awareness where we can actually respond with an empowered sense of being to our world. And I'm going to look both in our personal life and in our collective life. I want to start with our personal life. Like, what does it mean to have the lion's roar in our personal life? And the main expression of trance that I encounter in personal life is the sense of I'm separate, unworthy and falling short, self doubt. It was the biggest challenge that the Buddha faced, you know, in the Buddha's awakening. And I think for us too, that this deep sense of something's wrong, I'm unlovable. And it cuts us off from the truth of who we are, from our power, from our courage. The flag is chronic judging I'm not doing it right. Some of you might remember this essay if you can start the day without caffeine or pills. If you're cheerful and you ignore aches and pains, if you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, if you can understand when loved ones are too busy busy to give you time, if you can overlook when people take things out on you, when through no fault of yours, something goes wrong, if you can take criticism and blame without resentment, if you can face the world without lies or deceit, if you can conquer tension without medical help, if you can relax without liquor, if you can sleep without the aid of drugs, then you are probably a dog. The title of this is Spiritual Fitness. Because we do it even on the spiritual path. We have all these ideas of how we should be. Isn't it true? And if we feel we don't measure up, if we're caught in the trance of unworthiness and fear, there's no access to the lion's roar, to that power, to that inner freedom, to that energy, to that caring. So in our personal lives, if we want to transform, we have to go against the currents of our inner patterning. It's a kind of healthy resistance towards the ways we put ourselves down, towards self doubt, towards the beliefs that we're failing, that we're unlovable, that we're not enough, the beliefs that kind of limit our possibilities of being close with each other, of belonging. I've shared my own story a lot. I mean, I'm imagining most everyone that's here, that's listening has heard me talk about my early 20s when I faced the suffering of this. How it just kept me insecure in every relationship. And it kept me feeling like something was wrong with me, with my body, with my personality, with every part of me. And it also kept me always needing to prove myself, like I was never at home. So I was really fortunate that I had access to different spiritual practices, the therapists. I had the privilege that I could begin to really get and pay attention to the pain and suffering that this created. So something in me realized that if I didn't dedicate to undoing this trance, I would never be happy. I would actually never feel the love that I longed to feel. So I actually very consciously committed. I committed to going against the currents or patterning in my mind and in my emotions. I committed to not believing the thoughts, to meeting the pain that was under the beliefs with compassion, because I called it resistance. But the real way through trance is through compassion, through the presence, with what's there. I committed to remembering my goodness. You know, I had journal after journal after journal. Where I would be working out this stuff and meditations and, you know, I talk about love light as kind of the who we really are. I remember just the language of I will not betray the love and light that lives through me. You know. Now I want to say if you asked me, because this was in my early 20s, this is 50 years ago. What's the difference? What's changed? The old patterns absolutely still arise. You know, I still see myself trying to prove myself. You know, I still see comparing mind. I still see ways that I judge myself. But the difference is there's very little lag time between that arising and that more awake part of me going, oh, that again. And then this compassion and this deep dedication to not losing life moments, not sacrificing the preciousness of living and loving and staying stuck in that who are you remembering that? What do I want? So of course, I've worked with countless people, you know, in this process and amazing and profound transformations when people commit. And it takes a certain kind of spiritual audacity to undo the trance. We have to have a bit of it where we commit. I'm not going to believe those thoughts. I'm going to meet this with compassion. The truth is, the more we trust who we really are and know that love matters, the more courage we have, the more courage we have. There's so many stories of how I've seen the lion's roar wake up in people. With one I remember after years of silence and, you know, a real estrangement with her sister, one woman decided to send a message and she paused before doing it and totally acknowledged and honored the fear that was there. And then she just reflected on the light and the goodness in her heart and her sisters and wrote from love. She pressed then. She didn't know what would happen, but something in her had already opened just in the action, just in that courageous action. And it did lead to reconciliation and a relationship she cherished in her later years. Another story I'll share with you, real different kind of story is a man who was telling me about how his heart was racing before pitching this very bold idea to the team that he was part of that ran a very large nonprofit. And he said, he took one breath and inwardly he started saying to himself, I belong. I don't need to prove anything. And then he just spoke simply, clearly and with care, with some passion. The room got quiet. And it wasn't because he was loud. It was because he was real. He was connected to who he was and what mattered. There was power there that Invited their engagement. Maybe one more story for you. This person who had hidden the truth of being gay for decades and just described to me the day that they were with a friend from childhood and they felt the familiar fear of staying safe, you know, stay safe, stay safe. But then said it out loud. And how their friend smiled and touched their hand and said, took you long enough, you know, which I. And something I've heard in other similar stories. And they laughed. And this person described the kind of freedom that opened up that they hadn't felt for so long. Knowing who we are, what matters. That's what they said. They said that, you know, I had to in some way remember nothing's wrong with me. And. And that what most matters is connection, the lion's roar. It's when we're connected to that, that there is some power and healing to what we say and do. So I want to pause here and have a brief reflection that you're a part of in terms of tending inwardly. And so wherever you are, if you can let this be another brief pause. Take a moment. This is just very short, but take a moment to let your attention turn inward. Feel your breath, let your breath invite you into the moment. Just to get a taste of this. You might bring your attention to something that makes you doubt yourself. Something, some behavior, some way of thinking or feeling that you brings you into that trance of unworthiness. It might have to do with the way you relate with a certain person or your way you relate at work, some addictive behavior. The first step of waking up out of trance, moving towards the light is simply to notice. Okay, this is the trance. Just to notice it. We're a little bigger. So name it. Just self doubt or judgment, self aversion, shame, embarrassment. Just name and take a moment to honestly look at how this has made your life smaller, how riding this pattern has created pain, how it's affected relationships with others and your spontaneity and your creativity at work. How it's disempowered you, cut you off. And as you do, you might feel what sometimes comes up as a kind of a soul sadness of really wishing something better for your life than being in that trance. If it helps, put your hand in your heart, please do and just sense that wise heart space right now. That is witnessing, that wants to wake up. We all want to wake up from this prison of trance. Just feel your intention, your prayer, your commitment. If you feel it, please may I trust who I really am, that goodness, may I remember what I love, what matters, and feel your Caring that you're. It's kind of like your spiritual heart is holding this human vulnerability, the self doubt with such compassion. And even if you've done a thousand practices where you've tried to bring care to the hurting part senses as totally fresh the possibility of letting it in, letting care in. So in a sense you're the holder and the held and that you can sense as the holder that who you are is that compassionate awareness that's more true than any story. And you might even ask yourself, who would I be if I trusted this goodness? Who would I be? Who would I be if I really knew nothing is wrong with me? Check that out. Who would you be? Who would you be if you really trusted that awareness that Love Light is your home? And you might imagine for a moment what a growing sense of confidence and trust, what spiritual audacity the lines of her might look like in your personal life. Just kind of sense into that, that daring behind love in action. And we're going to come back to that in a few moments. But for right now, just feel yourself here now with that deep prayer. Or it might feel like a commitment which has such power to it. May I remember and trust this basic goodness. May I remember what I love it. So we're exploring a bit, undoing the trance, waking up into that fullness that has a quality of being courageous and caring and in relating to our own personal life. And I'd like to extend it to the world also, but with both. The root principles here are that in the midst of fear, insecurity, dangerous times and trance in the midst of it, the invitation is looking towards the unshakable basic goodness. The God, the spirit, the mystery within our own being and others that we belong, no exceptions. And that remembering love matters. There's a story that keeps me inspired. It was told by Congressman John Lewis in 1961. He and a colleague were at a bus station when a group of young white men attacked them. And they were beaten with baseball bats and badly injured and bloodied. But he and his friend didn't fight back. You know, they didn't press charges. They treated their wounds, they got some rest and they kept going on with their civil rights work. So five decades later, in 2009, a white man about Lewis's age walks into Capitol Hill, into his office. He's accompanied by his middle aged son and he says, Congressman Lewis, my name is Elwyn Wilson. I'm one of the men who beat you at that bus station in 1961. And I want to atone for What I did, I've come to ask, will you forgive me? And John Lewis said simply, I forgave him. And we embraced. And he and his son and I, we all wept. And then we talked. And as he finished telling the story, he spoke again, this time kind of softly, to himself. And he said, people can change. People can change. So I share this because we can see the very roots of spiritual audacity in John Lewis's life. His trust in basic goodness, his deep faith in our shared humanity, the dignity and worth of all beings. And it gave him the courage to keep walking forward, even during times that were so evidencing our human cruelty and injustice and hatred. Going against the current. He was an embodiment of the lion's roar. And I have to say, I love stories of people going against the currents, the currents of trance and remembering the light turning towards the light. I often think of Harriet Tubman. Her story's so amazing. I mean, you know, I think of all those who risked their lives to go for freedom. And her story, you know, here she is, this small woman with epilepsy. And she had no formal education. She had a bounty on her head. And she walked straight into danger again and again, guided by this unshakable trust in her belonging to God. You know, her courage wasn't recklessness. It was wholly daring. You know, it was rooted in this constant prayer and intimate relationship with the divine. We need to trust it. Another inspiration I'll share with you. They're called the Mothers of the Plaza de Mayo. And this is during Argentina's Dirty war. It was 1976-83, and there is a military dictatorship that was abducting and disappearing. It turns out an estimated 30,000 people, many young activists and students. So in 1977, a small group of mothers, most of them were middle aged and previously hadn't been at all political. They began gathering every Thursday in Buenos Aires, in the central plaza. And they would just silently walk with the photos of their missing children. And they wore these white scarves embroidered with their children's names. So this is at a time when public protest meant imprisonment or death. And their quiet, maternal presence, it was radical. I mean, their grief became their power and the regime. First they mocked them, they threatened them. They even disappeared some of them. But they kept coming. And eventually even the members of the military junta admitted, they said, when the mothers show up, we know we are finished. Gives me chills, you know, that these women stood as kind of an embodiment of love and conscience. It's that kind of moral authority we're talking about moral, heart, centered, unwavering. It could delegitimize a regime more deeply than violence ever could. They knew who they were, their belonging, and that love mattered. Okay, friends, so here we are today, facing authoritarian regimes around the planet. Unfathomable destruction. I don't know about you, but I'm just feeling the destruction of what maybe some of us took for granted. It's very hard. And then the bare cruelty and violence. So our times are calling for spiritual audacity to go against the currents, to break out of trance, this deep courage and. And love for the world. Read you a poem from Rebecca Baggott. She says, I want to tell you that the world is still beautiful. I tell you that despite children shot down in schoolrooms, despite the slow poison seeping from the old and hidden sins into our air and soil and water, despite the thinning film that encloses our aching world, despite my own terror and despair, I want you to look again and again to recognize the tender grasses curled like a baby's fine hairs around your fingers as a recurring miracle, to see that the river rocks shine like God, that the crisp voices of orange and gold October leaves are laughing at death. I want you to look beneath the grass to note the fragile hieroglyphs of ant, snail, beetle. I want you to understand you are no more and no less necessary than the throated hummingbird, the humpback whale, the profligate mimosa. I want to say, like Neruda, that I am waiting for a great and common tenderness. I am waiting for a great and common tenderness, that I still believe we are capable of attention, that anyone who notices the world must want to save it. Spiritual audacity comes out of facing the truth, opening to our grief, to our love and to the belonging that we have with each other and all beings. And I'm seeing expressions of this in the expressions that come in courage and daring all around me right now. And I'll just speak to the D.C. area where I live that friends in D.C. are opening places of worship homes to undocumented immigrants. They care. There are beings like me is the feeling 78 year old that I know plans to volunteer as a poll worker this November. Friend told me that in her synagogue they had broken silence about the devastation in Gaza and rallying now to raise funds and humanitarian aid for their fellow beings. People have sent me poems. People are creating art that remembers and resists people in government and justice systems refusing to bend in resignation. And then many of us how Many through. Through the. Through the country, but also around the world, coming to protest like no kings. I was with many on the mall and just kind of kept imagining all of our legs and hearts were praying. My favorite sign was this, held by a little boy on his father's shoulders. And it said, don't be mean. Don't be mean. So moral grandeur and spiritual audacity. We can grow these qualities. Our world needs us to. Our world needs us to remember who we are together, our belonging, and that love is what matters. So in that spirit, we'll do a meditation practice. Meditation that I love. Again. The invitation is to take some moments, to find a way of sitting where you're comfortable and awake. Let yourself settle a bit. The title of this practice is Awakening Spiritual Audacity. As you come into stillness, let the breath move gently and simply observe it. Feel it, the inflow, the outflow. Feel the life of your body so you can sense your whole body breathing, even in a cellular. And let your senses be awake, including the sounds around you, the changing, moving sensations through the body, the felt sense in the heart. And then bring to your awareness someone for you who embodies spiritual audacity, who inspires you in that way. It doesn't have to be someone famous. It could be. It could be John Lewis or Harriet Tubman or Dick Nuttall or one of the many spiritual leaders that have inspired us. It can also be someone in your life who's brave and caring, who even in the face of fear, dares to live and love and serve. Bring someone to mind, person who has acted from love, even when it's dangerous. And now imagine that you're looking into each other's eyes. So bring them close in. They're welcoming you. You're welcoming them. So there's an openness, undefendedness, looking into each other's eyes, them beholding you with care. And as you look into their eyes, let yourself see the light that's there. This is the kind of the light and energy behind the lion's roar, the love, the fearless heart, and even behind that, the presence that has guided them, how they rest, in a presence that's steady and bold and full of care. Now imagine that that same spirit, that confidence, the fearlessness, begins to move into that connection with truth, with awareness, with love, light and the sense of what most matters. Let it fill you. So you just let the spirit fill you, fill your heart, your spine, your hands, your being. You don't have to make it happen, just receive it. Let it move through you. So you can feel that that courageous loving energy is filling you. It's grounding you, it's energizing you. And it's affirming that basic goodness that's always an already here, but sometimes forgotten. You're caring about life. Sense that great and common tenderness that has you care about life. Now gently bring to mind a challenge in your life. Something that asks for your courage, your truth, your presence that asks for you to go against the old patterning. Some challenge might be in a relationship to do with work, a lifestyle, habit, health. Some challenge, it's calling for your courage. And imagine meeting it with the spirit that's alive in you, carried by this energy. Sense what's possible when you're trusting your belonging. When that basic goodness is experienced as who you are. You're trusting your heart. Sense what's possible and staying connected to this energy. Sense yourself responding to some suffering in the world world that calls your attention, bringing the lion's roar, this courage and truthfulness and love and tenderness. You might use the inquiry, what is love asking? And just sense how you might respond with that fearless whole heart. I want to say, like Neruda, that I'm waiting for a great and common tenderness, that I still believe we are capable of attention, that anyone who notices the world must want to save it. Sense us all holding hands, awakening from that collective trance. Feel the soul force that's possible when we all dedicate ourselves to living from love. Okay, as you're ready, feel free to. If your eyes are closed, open your eyes, move around a bit. And thank you for your willingness to explore this together. So I'd like to now shift and this is a time we're going to be opening to questions. Let me get you on gallery view here so I can see everyone. Yeah, so this is time if you'd like to put the hand raise function up. If you have a question, and I will call on some names and I might hop around the screen a little bit, so don't be disturbed by that. Once I do, you will be asked to unmute. Okay, so, Karen, we will start with you.
- [54:06]
B
Great. First of all, you are wonderful. The gifts, what you bring to the world is just so beautiful. And so thank you for the resonance and the energy and the positive awakening that you give to the whole world. Really? This is a quick question. It's a personal question. So there's a man in my life who is so traumatized and I care deeply about him. And I told him a year ago, listen, I'm here for you, whatever you need. And so every six months, he. He comes to me and tells me something so deep. But then he won't have a conversation. It's a text. He'll send me a poem or he'll just tell me. And so for about a year and a half, I just give a little response or something. That's it. We don't speak. And so this time, it was really hard because he's really hurting. And I said to him, I just. I can't do this because I need to at least have a conversation, because I want to hold space for you in real time. And I just. It's hard for me to hear this and not be able to talk to you. He's in another country. And he just responded, okay, fine, goodbye. You're never going to hear from me again.
- [55:23]
A
I thought, oh.
- [55:25]
B
But I also want to honor my own, because now I get distracted. I'm thinking about his pain, and that's my own limitation. And I recognize I'm not at that. I was at that level, but now I started caring too much. And, like, I love that I care. So my question is, how do you. I can't fix this, man. And that's not my job. But I want to hold space. Whoops. And also honor myself. I've got a little cell phone here I want to honor. Sorry, that's my cell phone on my computer. But I want to honor myself and hold space for him. So it's a long question, but I don't know how to do that.
- [56:02]
A
Yeah, well, first of all, you're being very clear in what you're naming. I mean, you're naming that you started out okay, but then emotionally, it became too much to hold when you couldn't have a way to connect more fully. And so one piece is just to be able to know that. We sometimes talk about strong back and soft front, you know, with compassion, that a strong back means you know your limits and you take care of yourself. And a soft front means that you don't blame the other person. You hold them in kindness, and you offer as much care as you can in the way that you're still able to. So what I'm hearing from you is that for you to have that strong back, soft front, you needed to draw a boundary and say, you know, unless there's more contact, I don't have the. Emotionally, it's too difficult for me to be with you. Now here's the question is, do you want to explore what would give you more capacity to be with him unconditionally? Is that something you'd like, or do you feel okay with how it is?
- [57:17]
B
Wow, Great question. So a year ago, I was there, even six months ago, and I don't know. That's something to think about. It's a great question. You know, I'm an empath, and so I'm. I'm. I'm always playing with. What do I need? I absorb. And I can do that for lots of people. I do for my life. I do that with lots of people. But I'm like, oh, but this is. This is hurting me a little bit. And I guess that hurt. I need to look at myself. Like, why is that hurting me? That's his why? Because I just want to listen. Yeah, it feels.
- [57:53]
A
He's.
- [57:54]
B
He's so guarded. It feels too much. I don't know the answer.
- [57:57]
A
So it's a lot of the best questions we don't know right away. So that would be the sense, like, you know, in your own heart, what. What matters about this? And is there a way to take care of yourself that would deepen your capacity to be with him in a more unconditional way? Not conditioned on him doing it, on your rhythm or something. What would have to shift? And the last piece, I'll say is especially for empaths who have very little defenses, highly sensitive, and you're able to take in and really feel, but there isn't a sense of, here I am, there you are. In other words, it can really be overwhelming. There's a real difference between being empathic and compassionate.
- [58:48]
B
I've spent a year working on this and dealing with my own stuff. I get it.
- [58:53]
A
Yeah. So that would be the place to keep paying attention, which is that. And for those of you that aren't familiar, being empathetic can be really beautiful, but it can also trigger off your limbic system a really unpleasant way. What compassion means is that there's the quality of presence that's big enough so you're not taking it personally, so it's not hurting you. And the meditation I find that's most useful for empaths is the Tonglen meditation. It's a Tibetan meditation. You can check it out on my website. But it really has to do with letting yourself be touched, but then handing it over to something larger, a larger sense of being. Because the only reason we get overwhelmed is because we're taking it personally. In some ways, you belong to something larger. Let the feelings be held by something larger. Okay. Thank you.
- [59:48]
B
That's beautiful.
- [59:49]
A
Thank you, dear. Thank you, dear. Karen. Yeah. Okay. Okay. David.
- [59:59]
C
There's one piece that I want to get a little more clarity on. You talked about it seemed to be a distortion in our attitude. You referred to bad othering and blaming. Yeah, and I have trouble. I mean, there are people who are objectively and powerfully dangerous, destructive and cruel. And it seems that referring to them as bad, blaming them for the destructiveness and cruelty, is realistic and accurate.
- [60:32]
A
Not so.
- [60:34]
C
I want to hear your thoughts about that.
- [60:36]
A
Yeah. Thank you. That's something that a lot of us wonder about. And what I would say is helpful is to distinguish between what's wise, discrimination, saying, hey, that person, wounded person, and causing much, much harm in the world. You know, recognizing that person's causing harm, and. And then a deeper kind of a judgment which is aversive, which says in some basic way, they're bad, they're evil. It's really helpful to have discriminating wisdom and know who causes harm, because sometimes you have to not vote for them or put them in jail or do whatever you need to do, but you're not adding to the world aversion and aggression. And bad othering comes with aversion and aggression. There's a sense that the other is different than me in some fundamental way, and it's often used. It's a part of dehumanizing that's actually used to violate others. So even though we might feel morally superior and like they really are a bad Other, we're just duplicating the same energies that are circling around. So to step out of that, to really be part of a transformational healing, see how the other is causing harm, but don't add on the aversion, the hatred, getting stuck in the anger. Does that help?
- [62:06]
C
Yeah, that helps. Thank you.
- [62:08]
A
Thanks for the question. It's really a good one. Yeah, yeah. Margaret, when you were saying the word trance, some words that came to me were denial and dysfunction. And I think that's coming a bit from being in recovery rooms for a number of years.
- [62:31]
D
And so I just wanted to get your. Your thoughts on those words. I know it's all just verbiage, but what.
- [62:37]
A
What connection do you see there or not? Well, actually, I think it's really powerful to sense trance and what forms it takes in different people. It always has the element of being cut off, that in some way we're disconnected, there's some dissociation. So one of the main ways that we go into trance is denial is absolutely looking away from the reality that's here. We might repress the reality. We might depress the reality, but we're in some way trying not to feel it, and that creates dysfunction. The bottom line is any way that we turn away from reality creates dysfunction, but we have different ways of doing it. Like, one way that we were just talking about is by putting down other people, like, putting all our energy into how you're wrong versus letting ourselves feel the grief that we're feeling. And one of the big things I'm seeing, Margaret right now is that we're moving around in a lot of blame and a lot of putting down other people in this society, but we're not letting ourselves really mourn the pain of what's happening. And until we mourn it, we don't get down to that place of caring where we can really respond with true courage and true healing. So I love your question. Those denial and dysfunction are big ones. Thank you. Is that helpful?
- [64:10]
D
Yes.
- [64:10]
A
Okay. Good, good, good. Okay. Yeah. Alex.
- [64:17]
C
Oh, my gosh. Just, first of all, I want to say quickly that it's a real honor to speak with you. Your podcasts and videos got me through one of the most challenging times in my life, so. Wow. Okay. So I'm a psychotherapist, and I work with kind of marginalized communities, mostly queer folks. It can be really difficult to kind of bear the weight of what's going on in the world right now while kind of holding space for others to do the same. One particular area that I find challenging, that I'd love your guidance on, is with our economic reality. A lot of people feel trapped in areas of employment where they don't find a sense of meaning and purpose, appreciation, connection, particularly in the corporate world.
- [65:16]
A
Particularly in the.
- [65:17]
C
In the corporate world.
- [65:19]
A
Yeah. Okay.
- [65:24]
C
And they kind of. They feel like they're in sort of like a golden handcuff situation where they want to leave work, they want to find purpose, they want to take big risks, but they also live under, again, the reality of a capitalist system and our current sort of reality where it's kind of scary to even think about doing so. And sometimes I find it difficult to kind of hold space for that or offer guidance or support. And I'm curious what your thoughts are.
- [65:47]
A
Well, tell me what you've found so far. What have you tried and what have you noticed?
- [65:55]
C
A lot of kind of validation, a lot of. Kind of sort of exploring what it means for them to find purpose in their life. What's kind of brought them purpose before, kind of, I guess, weighing the pros and cons of leaving their employment versus staying, things like that. But I feel like we often kind of arrive at the same place of like, I. It's an impossible decision, and I want help making that choice.
- [66:29]
A
Yeah. So. So that's the stuck place, is that there they could imagine other worlds of where they'd feel purpose and meaning, but there feels like the economic realities keep them stuck.
- [66:42]
C
Right.
- [66:43]
A
Yeah. What do you imagine in that kind of a situation, those folks most need. I mean, like, what would. If you were in that situation, are you in that situation in any way? Because I'm just curious whether how much it resonates for you.
- [67:04]
C
Maybe to the extent that I take on more than I'm comfortable with, I'd like to see. So it can feel overwhelming sometimes. But, yeah, I definitely enjoy the work that I do. I find purpose in it. So not. Not to. That I don't connect in that way.
- [67:23]
A
It seems to me like at that point where there's a stuckness, saying the external realities don't let me find purpose, then the path would be to say, even if you had to stay with the external reality, what are ways that could make your moments more alive, more present, more loving? That there's a deeper layer of examination to go on because there are many people that are totally stuck in jobs that are not just corporate gold, gold, you know, cuffs that are horrible. Working three jobs at a time and not having enough to pay for the hikes and insurance. You know, there are other people that are stuck and not liking those jobs, but what makes a life livable? And so I would drop it deeper to the inquiry of, even though this is the externals and this is the work, what would bring you alive? Some. Would there be more authentic connection with the people you're working with? You know, would there be more pauses where you'd actually connect with your body and get curious as to what's going on inside you? Would there be other ways that you would try to serve the world or volunteer that would feel meaningful that you would find a way to fit in? What is it? You know, because a lot of times we can't rig, you know, we don't have the privilege to adjust the externals. Does that resonate for you?
- [68:56]
C
That's. Yeah, it's very helpful. Thank you so much.
- [68:58]
A
Yeah. Well, nice to meet you, Alex. Blessings. Yeah. I'm loving your. Your questions. Thank you for them.
- [69:07]
C
Second.
- [69:10]
A
Larinda.
- [69:12]
D
Thank you. This is something that I've really been working a lot with lately. I'm. I'm feeling, really feeling how intense and polarized the world is right now. Like, so much is breaking apart and breaking down. And I've noticed this inner conflict in myself that there are people whose actions are deeply harmful, obviously, and yet somehow I sense that their disruption is exposing old hold systems that need to fail. Patriarchy, oppression, greed, all. All of it. It kind of requires a wrecking ball of a human to break those systems down. So I'm. I'm wondering how to practice holding both of those truths at once. Like, how can I keep my heart open to humanity beneath the harm while staying clear and grounded in compassion and justice like that, trusting that the painful chaos might be part of a larger awakening.
- [70:23]
A
So let me ask you this. Let's say that this is how reality is, that things have to get shadowy to then crack something open, to evolve to a deeper place. Let's say, you know, we don't know, but let's say that's what's going on, right?
- [70:41]
D
Yes.
- [70:42]
A
How does that change today, what you would do or say, how you would be?
- [70:54]
D
Yeah, I guess I. I'm feeling a little locked in speaking my truth because so many people just have an idea that. That what people are doing is wrong and they can't see beyond that. And I'm starting to see, like, oh, we actually do need to be. I need to do this in my own life, be working on cultivating my compassion and love for myself and, you know, channeling divine light so that when these systems break down, we're. We're ready. This other thing is already.
- [71:30]
B
This other.
- [71:30]
D
This other garden is already growing to replace it. So, yeah, I guess I just feel now very isolated, like I can't have conversations with people about truth anymore because.
- [71:46]
A
Wait a second. Because what you're talking about, truth is one interpretation of. Of how reality is working. Maybe there's a deeper truth that you can speak, which is that loving ourselves and each other and our world are the seeds for any better future.
- [72:08]
D
Yes.
- [72:09]
A
I would stay simpler and more intimate. I wouldn't think your perception about, you know, how change works is going to be as useful. I mean, it can be useful to you, but it's not as useful a truth as the deeper one of who are we really and what really matters?
- [72:30]
B
Okay.
- [72:32]
D
Okay. All right. I like to simplify.
- [72:35]
A
Yeah, let's simplify. Such a complex, crazy world. Yep.
- [72:39]
B
Okay.
- [72:40]
D
Blessings. Thank you so much.
- [72:41]
A
Thank you for your good heart, dear. I appreciate you. Thank you. Yeah. Okay, Chris.
- [72:51]
E
Well, thank you so much for.
- [72:54]
A
Sharing.
- [72:55]
E
What you shared.
- [72:58]
A
Has really moved me so.
- [73:00]
E
One of the things that I wanted to share was that.
- [73:05]
B
Most of my.
- [73:06]
E
Life I've been committed to Working for peace and justice. And this is a time when it's very hard to do that with an open heart. And your reminder, the love life within and that that's what everyone has. And even perpetrators of horrible violence have a right to dignity and love. And so I'm talking specifically about Gaza genocide and I've studied the without getting into politics, Israeli Palestinian struggle since 1980, when I was a college student and was shocked at what I learned. And so my question is, I also listen to people like Gabor Mate, who is Jewish, has been in the Holocaust. His parents were. It's very insightful about how he relates to it. But I guess I'm feeling a little bit paralyzed. I've been to a couple of demonstrations. I don't live in the city and I'm feeling a little bit stuck in what to do. Even though I've worked for careers in peace and justice, nevertheless, the enormity of the destruction, this unimaginable destructiveness and cruelty being perpetrated on the Palestinians and some of which were perpetrated on the Israelis. So that's where I'm at. I guess a similar question to the previous person, if any of that makes sense.
- [74:58]
A
Yeah, well, I'm hearing a lot of things. And first I want to thank you for how much caring over the decades, because I can feel it. And I think a lot of us are pausing and saying truly, how do we serve into what's happening right now, into the depth of the shadow? Like how do we serve into it? And part of it, I can't speak to the paralysis of what you actually do, but I can say that in terms of your inner experience, the more moments that you truly get how everybody's suffering and instead of thinking too much insides but everybody's suffering, the scale can be enormously imbalanced. Everybody's suffering, it doesn't deny it. Not to deny that that everybody's suffering and that everybody has basic goodness. You know, as Father Greg Boyle says, no exceptions. You know, to let that be your inner, your compass, so that whatever you do and you're not done doing is going to come from a mature compassion, because that's what our world needs. Our world needs people who are acting from that mature compassion that truly doesn't dehumanize anybody. And the given is, it's going to come up in us a feeling of aversion towards those that we see are being cruel. We're going to have aversion. So then mindfulness says, oh, okay, aversion and totally forgive it, allow it Be with it, spend time with it until you get back down to the place that you really live, which is caring. Caring is your home.
- [76:52]
E
Thank you so much. Very, very insightful.
- [76:55]
A
And.
- [76:57]
E
Heart opening.
- [76:59]
A
Your heart is in resonance. We're. It's an opening moment. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, dear. Oh, my. I. For those that I didn't get to really appreciate you wanting to engage, and for those that we did speak, thank you so much for really the depth and goodness of your inquiry. I want to have a few minutes that we get to close together, and I want to close a bit in the way that we open by taking a pause. It's so powerful to just say, okay, this moment right now, may I pause and sense what's true? So I want to invite you to, if it helps, close your eyes or lower your gaze and as if it's the first moment in your life that you've ever checked in, just say, what is true right now? What is the state of my heart right now? And mentally whisper whatever you're aware of. It might be that tenderness and openness and caring, or it might be numbness or it might be judgment or irritation or peace, whatever it is. And this is the. This is the most important part. Spiritual audacity means having the willingness to be with whatever it is, to let it belong. Like a wave in the ocean, let it belong. And as you pay attention to whatever's going on inside, you, sense what, what message or prayer your heart most needs in this moment. What's the reminder then? As you feel the care offered inward, just sense that space of care, the shared space of care. Letting that hold our world. Feel your prayer for our world. Feeling our shared prayer just as a way to close that all beings, all beings everywhere might realize the light and love that lives through them, that we might see it in each other, in all beings, human, non human, plant, this living earth. We may see the spirit that lives through all that all beings might live from love, that there be a growing justice, a growing compassion, a growing peace in our world, that all beings awaken and be free. So if you will, to open your eyes. Because I'd like to take our last few moments and in a way that I find to be most radical and powerful, which is to look at each other. Because the essence of what we've been exploring is the truth that we belong. We belong. We each belong. To see the goodness, to see the spirit that shines through each other's eyes. Take one person, you don't have to be self conscious because they won't know and just sense behind the form, the conscience, the caring, the capacity for courage, for living from love. Just feel that wish. May you trust who you are and then choose someone else. You might even go to a different. A different screen and yeah, just find someone else and just land on them. It's so powerful. It's such a deep training to see. Pass the form to that spirit, that goodness, see it in someone. May you trust your goodness. And someone else. May you trust that light, that love that lives through you. Maybe another scream. Roam around a little bit. Different bodies, different faces, the same spirit, the same light and love. May you trust it. Trust who you are. Just feel how that creates a heart space that is so much larger and so much more the truth than who we take ourselves to be. So that we can say namaste to each other. Goodbye to each other. This is for all that are in the field and for those that are right here on Zoom. We're going to unmute and have a chance just to say goodbye to each other. So blessings, friends, Namaste.