TBPN Diet (Jan 9, 2026): The Jamie Dimon Apple Card, Greenland Bids, WB-Paramount, and Vanity Fair Exposé

Episode Overview

On this episode of TBPN Diet, hosts John Coogan and Jordi Hays dive into some of the week’s most controversial and surprising tech and business news. With their signature mix of insider commentary and real-time reactions, they unpack the Apple Card’s major banking shift, the U.S. government’s Greenland ambitions, the escalating Warner Bros-Paramount deal drama, Google Gemini’s AI surge, and even Vanity Fair’s new exposé on TBPN itself. Insightful, fast-paced, and peppered with witty banter, this condensed episode is perfect for anyone wanting the pulse of Silicon Valley’s hottest topics.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Apple Card: From Goldman Sachs to JP Morgan (00:02–11:56)

• Newsflash: Apple transitions its credit card backend from Goldman Sachs to JP Morgan. No immediate changes for users, but the deal reflects deeper financial and strategic issues.
• Financial Losses: Goldman’s consumer bank, including Marcus and Apple Card, has lost billions (“$1B lost on Apple Card, $3B on consumer banking" – Jason, 00:38).
• Trade-Offs and Brand Philosophy:
  • Steve Jobs twice considered a credit card—late 1990s with Capital One, and in 2004 with the "Apple Card" name.
  • Apple’s brand values: “Amazing customer service and no rejection.” (Jason, 02:21)
  • Unlike typical luxury, Apple seeks inclusivity with premium: “Jobs wanted Apple to be a no rejection company.” (Jason, 03:26)
• Underwriting Philosophy:
  • Lower credit score threshold (~600), more accessible (Jason, 04:31).
  • 2004 Apple Card concept: Points only redeemable at iTunes.
    • “Instead of airline miles or cashback… you would get points and you could only spend the points at the iTunes store to get free songs.” (Jason, 05:02)
    • “People want to spend points on a lot of things… I’m happy to get free flights.” (Hayes, 06:21)
• Customer Service Obsession:
  • No late/app/international fees; wanted all bills to drop on the first of the month (Jason, 07:41–09:11).
  • Unique operational headaches: Staffing customer service for a surge in calls at the month’s start.
• Goldman’s Failure and JP Morgan’s Fit:
  • Goldman was never set up as a consumer operator (“GS effed up… [they] were smarter but never focused on the fundamentals of running the business.” – Hayes, 10:07)
  • JP Morgan expected to bring steadier management to the card.

2. U.S. Considers Paying Greenland to Join the Country (11:56–15:42)

• Breaking News: Reported U.S. plan to offer every Greenlander $10,000–$100,000 lump sums to secede from Denmark and join America (Hayes, 12:14).
  • “At $100,000 a person…basically a seed round. $5.7B.” (Hayes, 12:35)
• International Reactions:
  • Greenland’s PM: “Enough is enough. No more fantasies about annexation.” (Jason, 13:55)
  • EU/NATO solidarity: Only Greenland/Denmark decide the future (Hayes, 14:29).
• Economic Realities:
  • Average Greenland income: $40–45K. $100K is a huge deal (Hayes, 15:15).
  • Tax regime contrasts: Puerto Rico’s 3% tax versus a tongue-in-cheek proposal for Greenland’s 97% (“If you’re in favor of ultra-high taxes, you could go to Greenland.” – Jason, 17:11).
  • “Losing 97% of your wealth and still flexing… that’s actually really rich.” (Jason, 17:40)

3. The Wealth Diaspora, Taxes, and Carry (17:17–19:23)

• Jensen Huang’s Take:
  • Nvidia’s CEO shrugs at California’s proposed billionaire tax: “Whatever taxes they would like to apply, so be it. I’m perfectly fine with it.” (Hayes, 18:17)
  • Commentary: Is it good public policy if billionaires don’t mind?
• VC Wisdom: Carry:
  • “Carry” in venture capital is like in video games—one great founder can make your career (Hayes, 19:23).
  • “If you take out two or three of these founders... much like being on Rust with an absolute killer.” (Hayes, 19:24)

4. Gaming, Account Hijinks & Overwatch Anecdote (19:40–21:32)

• Epic Story: John’s Overwatch account was hacked and boosted to top ranks; confusion ensued when he returned and couldn’t play at that level (“My account had been stolen and rocketed to the top of the rankings.” – Jason, 20:43).

5. WB-Paramount Merger Bidding War (21:32–23:01)

• Deal Drama: Paramount’s multi-billion hostile bid for Warner Bros is rebuffed, ongoing escalation.
  • “I think Netflix is going to run away with it, but we’ll see. How high can they go? 200 billion?” (Jason, 21:43)

6. Google Gemini AI’s Rapid Rise (23:01–23:25)

• AI Arms Race: Gemini grows from 5.7% to 21.5% market share in a year.
  • “The Code Red is real… Google’s gotten much more traffic” (Jason, 23:17).

7. Tech Oddities, Luck, and the Power of Placebo (23:25–24:43)

• Flip Jobs Tweet: Flip filters out random half of job applicants “We do not want unlucky people working for Flip.” (Hayes, 23:48)
• ‘Five Hour Luck’ Product Idea: John’s idea for a product that “would make you lucky, it would increase your luck” like five hour energy (Jason, 24:05).
• Placebo Effect: “That product would crush in Vegas.” (Hayes, 24:25)

8. Julia Black’s Vanity Fair Feature on TBPN (27:14–29:07)

• Exposé: Behind-the-scenes quirks—no swearing, no Burning Man promotion, and unusual eating habits highlighted.
  • “[Julia Black]: There are no saints…they don't swear on air...they don’t promote alcohol or drug use.” (Hayes/Table read, 27:32)
  • “Show is never going to promote Burning Man.” (Hayes, 27:55)
  • Anecdote: Grandpa accidentally replaces sugar with salt in hot chocolate; Hays obsessed with salt (Jason/Hayes, 28:15–29:07)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Apple and Luxury:
  • “Jobs wanted Apple to be a no rejection company.” (Jason, 03:26)
• On Consumer Credit Innovations:
  • “Instead of airline miles or cashback… you would get points and you could only spend the points at the iTunes store to get free songs.” (Jason, 05:02)
  • “You buy the 99 cent song. But they are taking home another 30% on top of that. The economics would have been really, really good.” (Jason, 05:46)
• On Greenland’s Valuation:
  • “At $100,000 a person…basically a seed round. $5.7B.” (Hayes, 12:35)
  • “If you can go to Greenland, lose 97% of your wealth, and still be flexing… that’s actually really rich.” (Jason, 17:40)
• On Billionaire Taxes:
  • “We chose to live in Silicon Valley and whatever taxes they would like to apply, so be it.” (Hayes, paraphrasing Jensen Huang, 18:17)
• On Carry and Venture:
  • “You just need to find one good founder to carry your entire career.” (Hayes, 19:23)
• On Overwatch Debacle:
  • “I finally figured it out that my account had been stolen and then rocketed to the top of the rankings.” (Jason, 20:43)
• On TBPN Exposed:
  • “Show is never going to promote Burning Man.” (Hayes, 27:55)
  • “He makes hot chocolate… he meant to put in sugar but actually used salt.” (Jason/Hayes, 28:15–29:07)

Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:02 — Apple Card news breaks, background on Apple Card's brand
• 03:13 — Jobs’s credit card philosophy, inclusivity over exclusivity
• 05:02 — Jobs's 2004 Apple Card iTunes-only points idea
• 07:41 — Apple Card’s customer service ambitions, billing issues
• 10:30 — Goldman’s failed transition, JP Morgan up next
• 12:14 — U.S. bid to buy Greenland: $10–100k/Greenlander
• 13:55 — Greenland PM rebuffs U.S. offer on Facebook
• 15:15 — Income and taxation dynamics in Greenland, parody tax ideas
• 17:17 — Jensen Huang on billionaire taxes
• 19:23 — “Carry” in VC careers, video game analogies
• 20:43 — Jason’s Overwatch account hacker story
• 21:32 — Warner Bros–Paramount acquisition drama
• 23:01 — Google Gemini's gains, AI market share
• 23:48 — Flip’s “luck” hiring filter; “Five Hour Luck”
• 27:14 — Vanity Fair exposé on TBPN, personal quirks and show rules

Tone & Style Highlights

• Conversational, irreverent, and rapid-fire with deep tech and Silicon Valley insider perspective.
• Hosts riff on everything from global geopolitics to gamer anecdotes, with a side of industry analysis.
• Self-effacing humor (Jason’s Overwatch story), embracing both the absurdity and seriousness of headline news.
• Frequent inside jokes about tech culture, status symbols (planes, boats, Greenland tax “flexing”), and a clear pride in TBPN’s quirky culture.
• Occasional meta-moments discussing media coverage and their ethos (no Burning Man, no alcohol sponsorships).

For Listeners Who Missed the Show

This episode covers everything from Apple’s banking bets and government Greenland bribes to why Mike Dell and tech billionaires don’t sweat taxes—but always with the real talk, personality, and context the hosts are famous for. You’ll walk away with a sharper and more entertaining understanding of this week’s most important tech (and weirdest) news.