#4717 Pussyfooting: The Industry Of Laziness

Summary

TBTL #4717 “Pussyfooting: The Industry of Laziness”

Date: April 30, 2026
Hosts: Luke Burbank, Andrew Walsh

---

Episode Overview

This episode is peak TBTL: Luke and Andrew riffing on everything from Los Angeles architecture and the weird anti-psychiatry museum on Sunset Blvd, to harrowing tales of in-flight bathroom emergencies and a heated New York neighbor standoff that finds unexpected resolution. Throw in some meditations on religious movements, consumer protections, pet family dynamics, and their ever-rollicking “dazzling donor” appreciations and you get a hilarious, meandering morning in the TBTL-verse.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weirdo LA Sights & the “Industry of Death” Museum

[06:13–12:33]

• Luke describes jogging in the “real” Hollywood and his fascination with an “anti-psychiatry” museum:
  • The Citizens Commission on Human Rights’ “Psychiatry: An Industry of Death Museum”.
  • He’s struck by the stealthy Scientology connection (“They do not reference Scientology anywhere on the building... They’re hoping tourists just wander in”).
• The two riff on the oddity and, eventually, the well-documented abuses of Scientology:
  • Andrew: “No need to pussyfoot around it... there are absolute abuses that go on within that organization” [09:53].
  • They briefly discuss the Catholic church (“multiple things can be true”) and celebrate the “dope Pope” for pro-immigration stances despite the religion’s ugly historical baggage [10:57–11:59].
• Memorable quote from Luke:
  • “If your religion is new enough that it was founded by a guy named Ron, you’ve got some issues” [09:19].

---

2. In-flight Bathroom Jinx: Sky-Jinks

[17:02–29:53]

• Luke’s harrowing new “plane fear”
  • Upgraded to first class on a Portland–LA flight, he’s seated next to an older woman with a language barrier who, as they taxi, desperately needs to pee.
  • Flight attendants initially stonewall (“it’s an active runway”), but Luke advocates for her, giving updates as she fidgets through a lengthy wait.
  • The tension is palpable: “She’s clutching my hand… The second those two chimes go off, I’m stiff-arming anyone trying to go before her” [26:33].
  • The woman finally makes it, and returns, beaming, simply saying, “I so cold” [29:39].
  • Both hosts relate their own “near miss” bathroom stories (school bus, bladders stretched to the edge, ecstatic relief).
• Notable sidebar: Andrew’s Hot Pepper Bathroom Hypothesis
  • Do spicy foods ever make you cold during, er, expulsion? Andrew believes so; Luke isn’t so sure [32:35–35:06].

---

3. TBTL's Pet Family: Cat–Dog Dynamics

[56:20–60:34]

• Andrew gives an update on Bingo the cat and puppy Lucy:
  • Bingo’s getting less attention with the new puppy, but there are attempts to be deliberate about “one-on-one” time with him.
  • The two riff on the “blended family” vibe, and compare it to their own friendship: “They clearly love each other too much. They just don’t know what to do with the energy right now” — Andrew [60:34].

---

4. The Dazzling Donor Segment

[46:10–63:48]

• Mirella, President of the Kenmore Heritage Society:
  • Shares Kenmore’s saucy, prohibition–era nightlife history, “Restaurant Row” and lakeside raucousness [49:41–51:34].
  • Luke: “There’s an energy up there...that feels… kind of a saucy place at night” [50:53].
• Benjamin in Tacoma:
  • Thanks his wife for not questioning the “Cobros” (hosts) donations, and offers aviation services at Tacoma Narrows Airport (“I’m not out here trying to get rich. I’m just trying to make enough money to keep being a dazzling donor.” [62:15]).
  • Segues into a tangent about LA’s “Howard Fine Acting School” name.

---

5. Top Story: Albertsons' Bogus “BOGO” Lawsuit

[63:51–77:56]

• Albertsons Sued by Washington State for allegedly hiking prices pre–“Buy 1 Get 1 Free” promotions.
  • Example: Olives jump from $2.99 to $5.49 for the BOGO, then drop back after? [66:23].
  • Luke’s take: Mathematically, you still come out ahead sometimes (“You’re still getting $6 worth of pickles for $5” [68:31]), but… you have to buy two, which isn’t always equitable, especially for folks with limited means or space.
  • Andrew notes: “If you’re buying a personal watermelon, you don’t need two of them” [70:35].
  • The more they dig, the more both hosts sympathize with the consumer-protection logic, noting grocery cost pain (“Groceries… it was like $200… insane”) [77:05].
• Humorous tangents:
  • The evolution of “BOGO” vs. “BOGOFF” terminology ([64:15–65:16])
  • Andrew’s recent self-checkout tale where a friendly store worker “flashed the badge” to get a customer the deal anyway [74:00–77:05].

---

6. Voicemails: Neighbor Drama Goes Full New York (with an O. Henry Twist)

[82:00–87:16]

• Listener Zach in Queens recounts a heated neighbor feud:
  • Yells “watch your tires” at a driver who ran a light (a classic NYC veiled threat).
  • The two regularly bump into each other, but eventually, in a twist of fate, Zach nearly runs his own kid into the same guy’s car (“That wasn’t my fault this time.”)
  • The two make peace; Zach’s lesson: “You can come to peace with your neighbors, even if you call them a POS or said some of the dark things I’m not willing to admit on the air too.” [86:14]
  • Andrew and Luke admire the New York chutzpah of this head on (sometimes cathartic) confrontation style [84:47–85:18].
  • Luke: “There’s something…almost…therapeutic, about having weird beef with someone — and then actually apologizing. That’s a real bonding experience” [87:03].

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Luke, on Scientology:
  “If your religion is new enough that it was founded by a guy named Ron, you’ve got some issues.” [09:19]

• Andrew, after hearing “pussyfooting”:
  “There’s no need to pussyfoot around it. And I can say that because it’s about a cat’s paws. By the way, I’m not marking this show explicit because of the use of pussyfooting...but also, don’t say it again.” [09:53–10:17]

• On in-flight emergencies:
  “The second those two chimes go off, I’m stiff-arming anyone trying to go before her!” — Luke [26:33]
  “She’s clutching my hand… I’m like, go, go, go!” [27:44]

• On animal adoption windows:
  “I just love that there’s no glass between us… sometimes it’s like, I just love that we adopted you and you’re our guy and we’re here on the same side of the glass.” — Andrew [56:49]

• On Albertsons’ BOGO deals:
  “Bogo is kind of, a little bit… it’s not complete. You’re leaving off the ‘free.’ Yeah, I know I’m buying one and I’m getting one… but I still think it’s a little bit muddy.” — Luke [65:00–65:16]

• Zach’s O. Henry moment:
  “...who opens the door but my guy who ran the red light... and he had the light, he was totally in the right...and he goes, ‘That wasn’t my fault this time.’...and I’m like, ‘I know, man, I know.’...and he and I buried the hatchet at the end.” [85:18–86:14]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |----------------------------------------|--------------| | LA Anti-Psychiatry "Industry of Death" | 06:13–12:33 | | Sky-Jinx: The Plane Pee Emergency | 17:02–29:53 | | Pet Family & Bingo the Cat | 56:20–60:34 | | Dazzling Donor Segment | 46:10–63:48 | | Albertsons BOGO Lawsuit Deep-Dive | 63:51–77:56 | | Voicemails: NY Neighbor Drama | 82:00–87:16 |

---

Tone & Flow

The episode delivers classic TBTL:

• Easy rapport with digression-filled storytelling
• Banter between sincere empathy and absurdity
• Listener inclusivity (shoutouts, dazzling donor stories, listener voicemails)
• Language: Playfully irreverent, sometimes confessional, always “inside the clubhouse” warmth

---

TL;DR (But Enriching If You Stay!)

• Luke and Andrew dissect the weird, wonderful, and maddening quirks of daily life, whether it’s LA’s secret Scientology fronts, the universal trauma of airplane bathrooms, sneaky BOGO deals, or the drama and grace of messy human (and animal) relationships.
• Listeners are reminded: it’s OK to lose your cool and later make up—even in New York.
• And above all: wash your hands after using foaming airplane soap—to let everyone see you did.

---

End Catchphrase:
Luke: "No mountain too tall."
Andrew: "And good luck to all!" [93:42]

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Someone has mixed An Amazing Spider man in with the Peter Parker the Spectacular Spider man series. This will not stand.

[Andrew Walsh]

Pardon me, but I wish to tender a serious cash offer for this stack of water damaged little lulus.

[Luke Burbank]

A, that is not water. It is diet Mr. Pibb. And B, I. Ooh. Tell me, how do you feel about 45 year old virgins who still live with their parents?

[Andrew Walsh]

Comb the sweet tarts out of your beard and you're on.

[Luke Burbank]

Don't try to change me, baby.

[Andrew Walsh]

TBTM.

[Luke Burbank]

This stuff is so funny. By the way, did the comic come up with this?

[Andrew Walsh]

Because some of this stuff, like I feel like I could see somebody doing

[Luke Burbank]

in their act, right? A duck that's friends with a monkey who he can't swim. That's hilarious. That's like something I would do. I would be like, could you imagine yourself being like a duck but you don't want to get in the water?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's the way I feel every day when I.

[Luke Burbank]

When I hop on the 48 Freeway.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you taking my duplication investigation seriously

[Luke Burbank]

or are you disrespecting my duplication investigation?

[Andrew Walsh]

Isn't there a slanket somewhere you should be feeling with your farts? How does it feel like? I'm serious. How does it feel like? I've only seen one person ever have it as much as you currently do. Your vocals are amazing.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's just the combination of

[Andrew Walsh]

our voices is what works. They literally become one.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm talking about duping, duping, duplication.

[Andrew Walsh]

Show me how to duplicate a machine.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to learn all about the process. Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone to a Thursday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

I got the time if you got the diapers.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. You're still doing a podcard. Coming to you from Hollywood, California.

[Andrew Walsh]

California.

[Luke Burbank]

Got sunshine at the intersection of Sunset and Wilcox, where the eternal question remains. What's the deal with Hitboy?

[Zach]

Can you.

[Luke Burbank]

Can you verify? Can you give me some four one, one. I don't know if we can answer that question today, but there's many others that we can. As we've arrived at episode 4717 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. One question that can be answered is, did I unlock a new fear while flying yesterday, flying down here to Los Angeles from Portland? The answer is, yes, I did. It involves urination, but not my urination. Believe it or not, I'd be on

[Zach]

the bathroom pee peeing and he'd be

[Andrew Walsh]

standing right there, pee pee. It was hilarious. And we were both pee peeing at the same time.

[Zach]

It's fun.

[Luke Burbank]

We got some sky jinx talks coming up, of course. Also, no go on Bogo. The Albertsons grocery chain has been sued by the state of Washington for allegedly, I guess you could say, what price fixing their buy one, get one deals. I've read the article and I've got thoughts. No way, Jose. We'll talk about that. Plus we'll do the blursdays here on this Thursday, my birthday tonight. And we'll talk to this fine fella. Longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ship. I happen to know a guy who's at his limit. He. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. You mentioned that you're on the corner of Sunset and Wilcox, so I quickly typed that into Google Maps to see if I recognized it. Now, I have not lived in Los Angeles, if you can believe it, for over 10 years now. Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

No way, Jose.

[Andrew Walsh]

No way, Jose.

[Luke Burbank]

No way, Jose.

[Zach]

Really?

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

Why does that make me feel old? We're not even telling the story of my life.

[Andrew Walsh]

Isn't that bananas? But I was there in 2014 and 2015. But anyway, so unfortunately, you know how my brain works. It doesn't work. And so I remember fewer and fewer things from my life, especially during that time. That now seems like a very brief time in Los Angeles. Two years, whatever it was. All that is to say. So I Google street view this. I don't know which of these buildings you're staying, and it doesn't really matter, but I am looking. The very first thing I saw is almost my platonic ideal of a building. What is this? Hollywood offices? Do you know what I'm talking about? 6,000, 464, I believe this is Sunset Avenue. It is like.

[Luke Burbank]

Let me get. Now I want to say 64. I'm typing this into my phone so that I don't knock our Internet connection off. 64 Sunset. Okay. Right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. That's the.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to be honest with you. Yeah, I'm being a little coy. I was. Well, not coy. I was being a little. Was being a little general. I'm actually a couple of buildings off of Sunset on Wilcox. I'm not technically at the corner, but I believe you're looking at an optometry building. The Hollywood offices.

[Andrew Walsh]

The Hollywood offices, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

They've got optometry. They've got a Japanese restaurant called Kinori. They've got, I think another. Oh, a place called Continental Kebab. Actually, that might be where I get some dinner tonight.

[Andrew Walsh]

But those. That's a cool looking. Those fonts. It says Hollywood offices.

[Luke Burbank]

It looks, I mean, it looks, I mean, serious 1970s.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Future is what we want it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. And of course, because it's Hollywood, this. Buildings like this show up in films all the time. Right. Especially during a golden age for Hollywood films, at least for my generation. And so just seeing this makes me both be in that building and wanting to watch a movie where Bruce Willis is in this building or something. That's not. That's not a Die Hard thing. But just like some, you know, Hollywood star, I could see them. I got some time if you got the diapers. Smoking a cigarette below this Hollywood office's signature.

[Luke Burbank]

I actually really like this neighborhood. Even though this stretch of Sunset is kind of, you know. Let's just say you've got some folks that are really dealing with some stuff along here. And when I kind of do my morning jog on Sunset, there's a significant need to step around, you know, just maybe some human waste and things like that. You got some folks that are. That are out kind of sleeping and stuff, you know. And then some of the buildings are really cool like the one you're talking about. Some of them are a little bit more, you know, they've seen better days. But there's this one. I'm trying to do this on the fly too. I'm trying to basically walk my way down Sunset so I can get back to this one place that I'm totally fascinated by. It is this like anti psychiatry organization. It's called the Commission on Human Rights International. Right. That sounds like the kind of thing you and I would support, right? The Commission on Human Rights. They have this giant permanent sign in front of the building. It's on the building that says, hold on, I'm trying to. Again and I'm trying to read this. It says psychiatry and Industry of Death Museum dedicated to the fact that psychiatry is an industry of death. Of like that's. I wonder if that's. That's got to be Scientology, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's what I was.

[Luke Burbank]

When you commission on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. When you said anti psychiatry, I was like, well, that sounds like Scientology. And I'm just totally.

[Luke Burbank]

But you know what's funny about this? They're not. If you look at this building, they do not reference Scientology anywhere on the building. You know what I mean? This is not like The Scientology museum of museum of psychiatry is the industry of death. It. They're. They're hoping that if you're just some tourist in LA and you're walking down the street, you're like, oh, I'd like to go to this museum about how psychiatry is an industry of death. You won't put it together with Scientology until you've become maybe slightly inculcated or agreeable to their ideas. And at some point, I'm guessing that they offer you a free e. What? Engram reading or something. A free stress test. I'm. I'm 100% sure that this is probably a gateway into the Scientology movement.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, I am looking some in this. See here. This is from w.usf.org is that a public radio station? It looks like it's an NPR affiliate.

[Luke Burbank]

University of South Florida, probably.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, nice. That's interesting that this is coming from Florida.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe a big Scientology movement in Clearwater. That's their second biggest headquarters.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, well, this is an article from that public radio station in Florida under health News Florida. Let's see here. And it does seem to be a local story. In Florida, the museum psychiatry industry of death occupies most of the first floor of the new headquarters for the Citizens Commission on Human Rights, dedicated in July. The nonprofit group is affiliated with the Mormon church. No, Church of Scientology, which has long been at odds with the field of Scientology, which I didn't know. I don't even know if I fully knew that. But when you say, oh, psychiatry industry of death, I'm like, you crazy for this one, Beck?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's the thing that I'm almost. I'm sort of embarrassed that I didn't put that together because I've been. I've been down here kind of a lot lately, and I've always been standing at the same hotel, and I've been jogging on Sunset, and I've been looking at that sign, and I've been trying to figure out what it was. And yet I also understand that that's one of Scientology's big targets. So I'm kind of a little chagrined that I didn't just put that very obvious sort of thing together. And again, I. You know, I think we try to not be yum yuckers, and I think we try to be respectful about people's religious decisions. I'm just. I'm. I'm comfortable quoting. I believe it was Sarah Silverman when I said, if your religion is new enough, that it was founded by a guy named Ron, you've got some issues. Yeah, I'm willing to. I'm willing to say that if you're a practicing Scientologist, I think we've got some. I'm seeing some red flags for you, for. For your life. And I'm hoping that. I'm hoping that you're able to work your way out of that. And I don't know why, by the way, I. I can't sit here and say that Scientology is more or less valid than Christianity or Islam or anything else there. Those other religions are just older. But I do. I do think Scientology's got some pretty wacky stuff going on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And that's why I. I don't even want to necessarily continue this. Not because I'm afraid to, but I just don't think it's my bailiwick. But, yeah, when you wait till they

[Luke Burbank]

set up podcasting the industry of death,

[Andrew Walsh]

then museum, I must. Next door to the. No, I mean, yes, you're right. I mean, it's been very well documented. No matter how much they've tried to keep it secret, the absolute abuses that go on within that organization, like, there's no need to pussyfoot around it. And I can say that because it's about a cat's paws. By the way, I'm not marking this show explicit because of the use of pussyfooting.

[Luke Burbank]

But also, don't say it again.

[Andrew Walsh]

If I say it a third time a bit also, please don't pussyfoot shows up. Oh, shoot. But anyway, pussyfooting, the industry of laziness. Wait, hold on. You need to talk for a while because I need to write that down. Wait, I'll just put a marker in the show anyway. Yes. But then I also think about all the abuses, or at least the things that we see religion all around promoting and supporting in society, which is some really rough stuff. But I would also like to just take this moment to once again acknowledge the dope Pope. And it's so refreshing when we do see the Pope, the head of a worldwide religion state, a very old school, usually conservative religion, stepping up to say, hey, listen, what you're doing to immigrants in the United States is wrong. And bishops saying that. And so let me just maybe shift it and say I'm still heartened by some of the developments I'm seeing from that sector, which makes me feel good.

[Luke Burbank]

And as we know on this show, multiple things can be true. Like the Catholic Church can be an organization that's done horrible abuses over the years in all the departments that people are aware of, and even going back to what, you know, The Crusades, like. And also, the pope can be right when he says we should embrace people and we should, you know, accept immigrants, etc. So I mean, saying that we agree with the dope pope on that is not eliding everything else bad that's happened related to the Catholic Church. And by the way, the same thing would go for Scientology. For me, if David Miskovich came out strongly pro immigration, I would say good on him. Like, you know, but also, yeah, I'm down with that. And also, I don't know if psychiatry is the industry of death.

[Andrew Walsh]

And also, where is your wife?

[Luke Burbank]

And also, which psychiatrist hurt Ron Hubbard? Yeah, like, how did that get started? As, did he, like, did. Did he go on a date with a young psychiatrist and she nagged him? That feels like real origin story to me. Like, how did that become. How did that become. Was it just that in the early days of Ron Hubbard trying to like write this religion, he kept. People kept getting interested and they would go talk to their therapists and therapists would be like, I don't know if that checks out. Yeah, aliens. And he was like, you know what's really holding me back? These damn psychiatrists or the fact that

[Andrew Walsh]

they think they're doing mental health stuff with the thetans and the, you know, all of that stuff too. So maybe it. I mean, could be a bottom line thing. I do believe there are some.

[Luke Burbank]

They feel like it's competition. I mean, we're the mental health experts. And if you, you know, if you need. Well, you know, I was gonna say. And if you need confirmation on that, just look at Tom Cruise. Mentally, very stable. But then I remembered a conversation I had with a buddy of mine who actually is a Hollywood producer and director who worked with. I think I told you about this on the show, but like, they. He worked on some movies with Tom Cruise and he said the guy was the nicest dude of all time on the set. Like, knew the names of the crew. And again, back to. Like many things can be true. Tom Cruise's energy is a little strange to me. I don't know really. What? Like his embrace of Scientology is a bit strange to me, but also a guy that I know has been with him a lot and has watched him be really nice to people. So there you go. It's hard to. Much like DTF St. Louis, Andrew Nobody is just one thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Tom Cruise has also taken up umpiring kids baseball games in the San Fernando Valley.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I gotta say, he's not quite as hot as he used to be since he's donned that umpire's uniform.

[Luke Burbank]

But also it's oddly erotic. I can't put my finger on it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, that was that shot, by the way, where. I don't mind. This isn't like a spoiler for the plot of the show. And you and I just. If we can just geek out for a second. One of my favorite shots is the reveal where Floyd sees his wife's legs, but from the perspective, he just sort of sees her legs kind of. She's just sitting on the edge of the bed, and it's kind of an attractive look. And he's like, hey, hello. Hello, nurse. And then she stands up and goes fully into fr. You see that? She's wearing the ridiculous. The absolutely ridiculous umpire uniform from the top up. And he's just like, wa. That is such a great shot.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. The little kind of progression scenes of her just running around the field.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah. When they go to the calls, they go to that, like, fake Super 8 video kind of thing. Can I ask you a question? This is related to a listener who posted on our. Actually on our web blog, underneath a show earlier this week when we were talking about how much we love DTF St. Louis, they said something along the lines of, I really enjoyed that, too, but I really was distracted by something that didn't seem realistic to me. And there are definitely things that are unrealistic in that show, for sure, but it's sort of like, true to its own universe. But they said, I'm looking at here. As much as I enjoyed it, there's one small thing that nagged at me. Do you believe there's a local news channel anywhere in the country, much less the Midwest, that would air a story about a hookup app called DTF on the evening news? I thought you guys would be sticklers about that. I don't remember. Is that a plot point that I'm totally forgetting or is that in the first episode or something? Does his news station actually. I don't remember seeing one news report in that show.

[Luke Burbank]

I have a very, very kind of faint memory of that being maybe how Jason Bateman's character hears about it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, maybe it's like a kind of. Is it maybe a quick montage or something while they're establishing things in episode one or something?

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe. Again, I don't. I thought they were going to say that they would be surprised that a station would have someone who's doing as.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Interpreting.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's actually also. I think that's more of a. That, to me, is more Of a stretch from a plot standpoint. Just because it's not something that you

[Andrew Walsh]

see very typically, because you would have. I mean, we have subtitles on tv. Like, to me, like, that's so that's like a joke, right? Like, that's kind of an obvious joke. Which is also why maybe I don't get too sticklery about the details of reality in the show, because it's clearly the whole premise is that this weatherman on television has an ASL interpreter. Like, you would never have that in the modern age or even to my recollection, for weather reports, ever.

[Luke Burbank]

It seems to be. Yeah, it seems to be the one medium where it's very solvable for people who are hearing impaired. As far as, you know, what the person is saying, that can be moved into closed captions or whatever very easily. But as far as the news report goes, I agree with that listener that if that is a plot point, which again, somehow you and I have both completely memory hold, that is a bit of a stretch. I can't see the local news doing a story about basically a website where you can meet people for no strings attached sexual hookups. It just. Even in this day and age, even on the local Fox affiliate, I don't necessarily see that being a news story. So. So I guess I'll agree with that listener. And I'll. I will. I'll concede that that listener probably has a better memory of things than me because everyone has a better memory than I do on things at this point. However, one thing that even I can remember, Andrew, is that I believe it was on yesterday's program that we were talking about being the age that we are and trying to, you know, time our bathroom trips and breaks because I had had this crazy drive trying to get home. I was stuck in all this traffic, and you were wondering if my bladder was okay. And then we started talking about airplanes and being, you know, having to be real strategic these days about when you get up and go to the bathroom. And it is as if the prophecy was foretold When I was flying down here from Portland. It was, but it wasn't involving me. It was involving my seatmate. And it was a really stressful situation, so I was fortunate enough to get upgraded, which was very strange. I don't understand. What, what, what? Voodoo. Do we say voodoo anymore, or is that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think so, but I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it because you're not cool enough?

[Andrew Walsh]

It's because I'm not cool that, like, I haven't really looked into it. I just. Yeah, it does seem. It seems.

[Luke Burbank]

It seems on the line. I don't know. I don't know what sort of magic, black magic, magic. What kind of shenanigans are what. There you go. I don't know what kind of dark arts Alaska Airlines is using these days, but when I. When I got this ticket, you know, a while ago to fly down here, I obviously. So what happens is I'm always in coach at the beginning, and then if I'm lucky and if there are some leftover seats at the front of the airplane, they'll maybe let me go up there. And as of yesterday, before my flight, it was like first class was totally sold out. There were absolutely no seats. And I said, okay, well, that just. That's life as well. That's fine. And then I get to the airport and I walk and I realize, oh, I've been upgrading. Like, four other people have been upgraded. Like, there was. Not only were there seats, there was like four seats up there that weren't being used. Even though when you looked at the seat map before, it said it was sold out. So God knows what's going on. But of course, I was very happy about that. But because I didn't have any say in this, they just put me wherever they put me. So I happened to be in the very front row of first class. I was on the aisle, though. Right. You know, if I can. If I have a say in the matter, I like to be the window person. But. But I was just fine, I'll take wherever they're going to put me up there at the front of the plane. So sitting there. And the person who's sitting next to me, at first I thought she was maybe a little brusque because I was boarding the plane after her and she was really taking her sweet time of like. But I couldn't get to my seat as long as she was. She was kind of standing over the seat that was assigned to me, and she was doing some things with her stuff and kind of seemed totally unaware of my presence. But the problem is I'm standing in the aisle and I'm blocking everyone else from moving. So I've got a little bit of a ticking clock. And then she finally gets kind of settled in and seated, and then I sit down and she, like, doesn't say anything to me at all. Kind of non acknowledgment. And I thought, oh, well, I mean, I'm not looking to make a new friend, but a little smile doesn't hurt. What I realized later was this was a language barrier type of thing, I think. So we're sitting there, they come around, and they're. They're. Hey, does anybody want any water? So, like, I take a water, and the person next to me, she takes the water. She's a woman maybe In, I'll say, 60s or something. And we're both sitting there, we're kind of scrolling on our phone, doing whatever, and finally get the whole plane seated, and we push back and we start sort of taxiing. And this woman kind of pokes me, and she kind of says, like, are they. Are they standing up still? And what she means is, are the flight attendants still ambulating, still moving around, or are they seated? Because she can't actually see them, and they can't see her. She's kind of blocked by that wall. But I have eyes on them, and I go, oh, they're. I think they're still standing up, but the plane is moving, it's rolling. And anybody who's been on a plane knows that once that thing is moving around, they are very, very anti. Yeah, somebody peeing. And she kind of says to me, again, through somewhat of a language barrier, she's just like, I have to pee so bad. And I was like, oh, okay. So I get the attention of the flight attendant. I was like, she needs to use the restroom. And they kind of poke their head around, and the flight attendant is like, I'm sorry, we're just. Active Runway. We're moving. You can't. You can't use the bathroom. Now, here's what I think a little bit undermines this. The flight attendant is standing while they do this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, but they're trained, like.

[Luke Burbank]

Trained to not fall over, I guess.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, I do sort of get that. You know what I mean? Like, they are their flight crew. Like, they have to stand up if there's an emergency. You know what I mean? Like, I do get that.

[Luke Burbank]

So. So he says, I'm sorry, but, you know, you've got to. We've got to wait. We're taxing. So then he goes. Now he sits down or whatever, gets strapped in, and. And my neighbor is really. She's getting kind of agitated, but.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I ask a question? You said there's a bit of a language barrier, so, you know, I'm not sure exactly how. And by the way, you. You speak a little bit of Spanish. I'm always a little impressed. You communicate a little bit. Not. Not much. And I know you don't want to lean into that descriptor because it Sets expectations too high. But, like, you can do it better

[Luke Burbank]

than I only use it in LA Center.

[Andrew Walsh]

But my question for you is, do you know for sure that it's P. Like, that's a very specific thing. Did she say to you, I need to. I need to use the restroom really bad, or did she say I need to matriculate? I doubt she said matriculate, but, you know, mean, like, is this an assumption that you're making that it's number one?

[Luke Burbank]

I believe she said at some point, too much water. Oh, okay. So that was what made me. But. But again, you know, that's just. Maybe I was assuming.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, that was such an indicator though. I think that.

[Luke Burbank]

Because had it been because. And also, by the way, if I was having a situation like this, I would also say I had to go pee.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, that's a good point too.

[Luke Burbank]

It also would have been a conversation.

[Andrew Walsh]

Too many peppers.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, right. A thing. I literally, the other night I decided to make impulse nachos at about 8:40 at night. Now, as you know, I go to bed at about 9 o' clock at night. So I decided I was like, still kind of hungry, and I made just like a small amount of nachos. Like, I don't know, 15 tortilla chips with some cheese. But I wanted to zhuzh them up and I threw all these pepperoncinis on there. Not. Not a. Not a good idea. I woke up. I woke up in a kind of a hurting way. Actually. What happened was on the treadmill, I realized I had made, in the words of our favorite actor, a huge mistake. And by the way, you can choose any number of actors on Arrested Development to be your favorite actor based on that. That framework I just set up. I was thinking Jason Bateman. But anyway, all that is to say we're now on the thing, but now the plane stops again. Because that's just what happens, you know, there's some stopping. And so I think we're now in line to take off, which means we're not actually moving. She feels the plane stop. She unbuckles her seatbelt and she jumps up to go use the restroom. And the flight attendant stops her and says, no, no, no, you can't. This is active Runway. And she goes, how long? How long is it going to be? And he says, he says, oh, well, we still have to take off. And then you have to wait for both chimes. It's going to be a long time.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I was like, I don't know if that. I don't know if that that's good or bad for this woman to know, it's going to be a long time. I almost feel like it's bet, like maybe don't give her that information.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's interesting. Maybe letting her know is important because you remember the 30 rock bit. This isn't about having to go to the bathroom necessarily, but it was when in the news there's all the stories about like it's like all the horror stories that led to the passengers Bill of rights or whatever. And there is a subplot or just a plot on 30 Rock where Liz is on a plane that is actually being piloted by her then boyfriend Matt Damon Damon.

[Luke Burbank]

And they want to fly through the air like the owls of Ga'.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hool. That's right. But they're stuck on the Runway forever. But they just keep saying, okay, just 15 minutes. And then there's. It's revealed that that is what they're trained to do. Just say 15 minutes to keep all of the hordes at bay. And I don't know, like in a certain way, if you're dealing with a bathroom situation, maybe I feel like I want them to be honest with me.

[Luke Burbank]

See, I think if it's maybe if it's number two, maybe, maybe because the consequences are so dire if that goes sideways. If it's. I guess what I'm thinking is if it's number one for me, I can make it through another 10 minutes if you know, in 10 minute chunks. Like, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Something my friend sky once famously said to me as we were about to split an entire bottle of vodka. Okay, this is many.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sorry, Wes. Let's see. How do you eat an entire. What rhyme? What rhymes with elephants?

[Luke Burbank]

How do you eat? Yeah, hey, Wes, get at us when you guys have come up with a. A less animal unfriendly phrase for that. But no, the elephants are eating the people and I'm here for it. An elephant stomped out a big game hunter last week. And like I just posted very mildly on Blue sky something like, finally some good news. It's the most traction I've gotten on Blue sky maybe ever in my life.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was seeing a lot of that. Never has the meme of the guy from Shark. I think it's from Shark Tank or something saying, oh, that's too bad. Anyway.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh yeah, I've seen that meme responded to my post with that. That was my introduction to that meme. But so anyway, so anyway, so I'm sitting and now I'm Invested in. In this person's, you know, in what's going on with her. A. Because I am the communication. I'm the eyes on the flight attendants and the restroom. And I'm already making a plan for this, which is one thing is when we get in the sky, the second those two chimes go off, if someone else gets up, I'm stiff arming them

[Andrew Walsh]

nice with my left arm. I love this.

[Luke Burbank]

I am blocking. No one is getting in this bathroom before my seatmate, before my partner. Because that, you know, and also I'm just trying to be. I'm. I'm also. Because I'm the way that I am. I'm like, does it need to be two chimes or would one. Because they do one chime, which I don't really know what that indicates. I'm sure pilot will can tell us, but it's like, because the guy literally said, you got to wait for two chimes. And I was. And he goes, and it's going to be a long time. I was like, oh, man. So now I. I do not have to pee. But I am so stressed now, Andrew, because I'm watching the body language of my seatmate. She's kind of fidgeting, she's looking at me. I'm looking over at them. They seem to. The one flight attendant who she's also strapped in, she's just eating a kind bar, just like without a care in the world. Don't you understand? We may have a situation on our hands here? And so anyway, finally the plane takes off and we're like, we're still taking off. We're in the air, but we're not near the chimes or whatever. And I feel something on my hand. And I realize she's clutching my hand because my hand's in that kind of middle thing. She's holding my hand, like squeezing down on it. And one chime goes off and I look at the flight attendant who's eating a kind bar. I just give her a look like, like, lady, this is about to get serious. And she looks at me and she understands what I'm trying to convey with my eyes. And she goes. She gives me a thumbs up. And I'm like. I grab the hand of my seatman, I'm squeezing. I'm like, go, go, go. And she like throws love this throws the seatbelt off. And be. And by the way, the plane is at like a 70 degree pitch or something. It is like this lady is like the. The mountain climber on the Price is Right game. She's just yodeling up to the bathroom. Like I' Anyone loose on the plane, Even the flight attendants, by the way, the flight attendants are still strapped in. They're not even like they're not even trying to get up at this point. This is. The plane is very much still taking off. But. But I was like good on this flight attendant.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

For bending the rules because she was able to see the severity of the situation. And. And so my seatmate, she goes in the bathroom. She's. She's there, you know, for a bit. Which actually it did cross my mind. And also, you know, as a per. As a. As a guy, I guess, you know, as a person with the anatomy that I have, I don't need to sit down when I go in the airplane bathroom.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, there's a lot that goes into that. You know, obvious. I don't need to explain that she's

[Andrew Walsh]

wearing a body suit or whatever, a pantsuit or whatever. Yeah, that's.

[Luke Burbank]

She had Spanx on from head to toe underneath her outer gear. So yeah, it was like she was in there for longer than it would take me to mixture 8. But. But who knows what that really meant. But then she came back and again, I think this was like a language thing or something. She was. Had a huge smile on her face. She was like clearly very relieved. And she just said as she walked over, she goes, I so cold. And I didn't know.

[Zach]

I couldn't.

[Luke Burbank]

I couldn't figure out if that was what she meant to say or if that was like her body because she had to drained the urine out. She. I don't know what that. I don't know what that meant but what I know is that she did not have an accident in the seat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ed.

[Luke Burbank]

She was very. She was beaming. She was so relieved to be done with that. And we were buds.

[Andrew Walsh]

She will remember that the rest of her life. We remember those types of pees. I remember one I took in Boston when I was stuck on a very, very full bus during a snowstorm and then finally just got off the bus and peed under a window of somebody's house while they were having a house party inside. I could hear the. I could hear the party inside, but I was like, I just don't care. And there were bushes outside. Like I remember those moments where it's just. Where the sliding doors. Ness of it all is just horrifying to think about.

[Luke Burbank]

I remember mine also involved a bus. Probably the worst version of this I've ever been through was when I was in high School. And it was. We were going to a basketball game. A lot of basketball related stories or at least days that I had a basketball related stories of late on the show. But it was one of those things where it was like, you know, the coach said, everybody use the bathroom before we get going. We're not stopping. And I guess I didn't or something. And this, this was like a two hour bus ride or something. And I realized, you know, very shortly into the drive that like I really had to go to the bat, like really had to pee. And I mean, I guess, I guess I could have gone to the front of the bus and just begged or something, but somehow that just seemed out of the question for me. And I just remember like having to like, like go to some mental place. I'm in the way back of the bus, which also was kind of dumb. I should have been at the front. So whenever it was we got there, I had the least. But just being in the back of the bus and just like, like dealing with the reality that I was going to be feeling this way for the next two hours and it was only going to be getting worse. And I feel like it's. My memory of it was when I finally got off the bus and sprinted to whatever the bathroom was. I almost couldn't pee at that point. It's like my body had like so locked in on not letting this urine out of my body. And this is getting very biological. But anyway, well, I have. I remember how terrible that was and then how relieving it was when I finally was able to go to the bathroom.

[Andrew Walsh]

Since we are here with the conversation, there's something I want to talk to you about because I can't remember if I asked you about this off air one time and you said you do not experience this or if I had this conversation with somebody else. And you know me, I'm not somebody who loves leaning into poop talk. But there is a phenomenon that I have only noticed myself and I know I asked one other person. There's not a lot of people I can ask these kinds of questions to, although I can ask them apparently in, in front of the ears of thousands of listeners. But we admit this is going to Number Two Town. Just where property values, by the way, are skyrocketing. You would think that Number Two Town.

[Luke Burbank]

The problem is none of the boomers are willing to sell their house in Number Two Town.

[Andrew Walsh]

It is true. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And so they're just sitting there, just keeping it all locked up.

[Andrew Walsh]

So we mentioned the type of bathroom experience that some people have after eating something very hot. Right. And what that does to your digestive system. We're all familiar, and there's been plenty of jokes about or whatever and how, you know, it kind of. It can be a Bernie experience as you're. As you're letting go of those peppers as well or whatever. But when you're having that experience, you're going to the bathroom. It's. It was something very, very spicy, and it's feeling spicy in the moment. Do you get cold? Does your skin get cold? Do you get goosebumps? Because I sometimes do in extreme cases like that. My body is expelling something that is so hot and spicy. This is my only explanation for it. I haven't looked it up that my body gets cold. I'm thinking about this, of course, because of your seatmate coming back and saying, so cold. And I'm picturing me, like, having some sort of a pepper situation and then coming back so cold. Hang with me, Walsh. Hang with me. You're gonna survive so cold. But anyway, does that ever go to sleep?

[Luke Burbank]

Does that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, you're smacking me back and forth. You're lighting a cigarette in my mouth. But anyway, does that. Do you have that experience when you're expelling something that was way too spicy for. Does your body get really cold?

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like I've had that happen, but not from the. As the hot stuff is leaving me, because, believe it or not, for all of the jokes that we make, particularly on certain text threads with some of our friends, and you're not on those text threads. And by the way, you're glad you're not on those. You're. That's fine. That's not a place for you.

[Andrew Walsh]

We need men on those text threads. Am I going to be on this?

[Luke Burbank]

And tuna. But. But, like, it's not so much. I don't actually have a huge. Well, first of all, I think I'm. I'm also Mr. Medium now. Like, in my dotage, I'm not eating as much spicy stuff because of maybe my concerns about the repercussions. But, like, when it's coming out of me, I don't tend to feel a ton of that kind of like the. The heat that you're talking about. I have had the experience of eating something very hot and then feeling an odd sort of sense of being cold, which I feel like I've seen on TikTok a lot as well, because for a while, everything that I was seeing on TikTok, and this would have been like Pandemic era was people just eating. Well, there was that thing, the one chip challenge that was going around that was like a tortilla chip that was just soaked in some kind of like insane Scoville units of spice.

[Andrew Walsh]

Was that also the one where there was one hidden one in a bag of Doritos or something? Didn't I. I feel like our friend Roden did that. Like, you could buy these special bags of Doritos where one chip was super, super hot, supposedly. I might have to say, oh, that's

[Luke Burbank]

kind of a fun idea. Kind of like hell pizza. So many years ago. And I remember people eating stuff that was so hot that then they would get weirdly cold. It's gotta be some kind of like a odd survival. I don't know, or something about the way our body responds to capsaicin or whatever. But that could have, you know, you never know. That could have been what was going on with my. With my seat mate. But you're right. I think she'll remember. I think she'll always remember that flight and. And that kind angel named Luke who was very also self. I mean, here's the thing. Primarily, I did not want this person to be in discomfort. I also did not want her to have an accident because I did not want her to feel embarrassed. I also did not want the person next to me to urinate in the seat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Like selfishly. Like selfishly. I didn't want this to become a whole biological sin scene.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

For all of us. You know what I mean? Like, mostly I was worried about her, but. But on some level I was worried about just kind of like this flight becoming kind of like a situation like that I'm not trying to be a part of.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, luckily for both of you, it's a relative. Luckily for the alternate version of both of you in the alternate timeline, it is a relatively short flight. Right. It's even shorter, obviously.

[Luke Burbank]

Two hours or something. Yeah, it's not bad. It wasn't. We weren't going to be, you know, we weren't flying to Florida or something where we were going to be. I. I mean, I don't even. Yeah. I don't even know what the protocol is for that. Do they keep. I doubt it. Do the flight crew keep a pair of sweats, A loose pair of sweats around in case someone needs to change their pants?

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. Like. Well, I was wondering what, like, because I understand that, like, there are certain times you can bend the rules, and I do understand why rolling on the Runway is like, we can't bend the rules on that. You can't go in the bathroom. But, like, at a certain point, you have to look at it as an emergency. Like, you don't want to. Now, if you give at all on that, I guess you run the risk of somebody saying it's an emergency, and it's like, well, you know, how can I prove what's going on inside your gutty works? But, I mean, if this woman. I mean, I have a feeling. I can see the mania in this woman's eyes. You know what I mean? That, like, these eyes tell no lies when it comes to what's going on inside me right now. But it must be tough to be like, I literally can't let you in there. But it's also just bad news for everybody involved.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

If, you know, if you can't help somebody take care of this situation. So, yeah, anyway, here's the crazy part.

[Luke Burbank]

And this next part of the story is not nearly as interesting, but I'll just throw it in there. I also had my own, I guess you could call it, situation with urinating on this plane, which was eventually, you know, I don't know, hour and a half into the flight or something. I get up to go use the restroom myself, and I get a up, go up there, shut the door. I start into the process of peeing. And literally at that moment, there is a chime of the bell that indicates we're hitting turbulence. And I just feel the whole bathroom rocking. And then I hear the announcement. It literally, there's a light inside the bathroom that just shows you, like, a person standing up. And then a Ghostbuster sign through it. Like, nobody is allowed to be standing up right now. And they do the announcement. They're like, everyone return to your seats and fasten your seatbelt. And I'm like, you guys, I'm midstream.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, what are you gonna do? Like, yeah, what am I gonna do?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm in there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Being in the lavatory is three tenths of the law. Wait, what is it? But you know what I mean? They can't. They can't remove you at that point.

[Luke Burbank]

No, because I went. When I went in, there was no sign of turbulence. I didn't say, hey, coming up in five minutes, there's gonna be turbulence. So let's all just kind of get ready for that. Like, I'm. And I'm not just, like, standing in there, you know, contemplating this event. It's. The event's happening, and it is like, it's wild in there. Like, this was really Pretty strong turbulence. And again, I'm not usually standing up, actively urinating when the turbulence is happening. I felt like Chris Farley and whatever that movie is where he gets. He's in the. He's in the airplane bathroom. And I don't even know if it's turbulence or he's trying to change his jacket or something, but he's just, like, destroying the bathroom.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think I've. Is that Tommy boy or the black?

[Luke Burbank]

Seems like something in Tommy. Maybe one of them. They all kind of blend together in my mind, but, like. And then this is the thought that's going through my head. I can't pee on these pants because they're the only pants I have for this trip. They're these, like, khaki pants I got from Uniqlo. And so it's like I'm rocking and rolling. I'm trying to brace myself against the interior of the bathroom. I'm trying to continue. Continue directing the, you know, what's going on in there towards the place it's supposed to go. I'm trying to also not. Not do a paint job in there of. Of the whole thing. And it's really like. I'm like. I don't know what to do because it's like, I gotta. I guess I just have to finish this now because, you know, I ended up kind of cutting. Cutting the thing off, you know, kind of midway through, which was fine. I mean, I wasn't. I wasn't. Wait, you didn't cut my seat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you. You ended. Okay. Okay. Got. I got worried for. Okay, gotcha.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I ended the. I. I didn't want to take any chances, Andrew. I just went.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're just kind of like. That's very biblical. That is a very biblical response. It offended me.

[Luke Burbank]

Wouldn't be the first time it offended me, Andrew. Wouldn't be the first. First. But so then. Yeah, so then I, like. I like. I basically go, like, I gotta end this. End this situation that's going on in here. So I do. I don't think I got any on my pants then. I'm trying to. I will. Again, I'm sorry I'm being so kind of, I don't know, descriptive here. But I was just like, I also can't leave this. There was some, you know, some pee that got on sort of the sides of the areas there. So I had to, like. Yeah, I had to clean it because I don't want someone else to have to clean that up. So I. I'm. I'm like, the whole thing is, like, rocking and rolling. I'm trying to reach for the, like, hand, like, you know, the paper towels that are in this little slot, and I'm, like, pulling at them, and I'm, like, missing grabbing them because the whole, like, room is shaking. I get some, then I'm, like, putting them. I'm trying to dab clean things. Then I'm washing my hands. It's like the water's going sideways. It was crazy.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do love that foaming. There's not a lot I love about an airplane bathroom, but I do like this. That foaming soap, it tends to have a pretty good smell.

[Luke Burbank]

It does.

[Andrew Walsh]

It does.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'm guessing there's some reason for it being that foaming soap and not the. I don't know what you'd call it. The sort of more typical hand soap in a bathroom that you, you know, that you smash out of a thing. I don't know if it goes further, like, if they're.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wonder if it goes faster because. So I. I don't know about you, Luke, but I have several hand pumps of hand soap around the house. Like one in the kitchen and then one in each bathroom.

[Luke Burbank]

I got Mrs. Meyers going on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And so a lot of them, I. I of trying to reduce plastic a little bit. I just kind of. Just sort of was somewhat foisted upon me. I'm not like some sort of a crusader on it, but it is kind of nice to get, like, refills of things and just fill it up. All that is to say the one in the kitchen is just like, regular hand soap. That would be like. You describe it as like the soft soap we grew up with or something like that, you know. But the other canisters, I do use a refilling foaming hand soap. Like, you get a special foaming hand soap dispenser that then goes, you know, hand in hand, as it were, with the foaming soap that you actually buy. And it's just like a. It just looks like a liquid. You mix it with water, but then when it goes. When you pump it, it comes out as foam. And it's a nice. It's a nice thing. I like foaming soap, and I do think. Think about putting regular soft soap on your hands. My God, what am I. What am I talking about? I'm just like some. Just like, sometimes I just realize I'm doing a podcast. What is this topic? But, like, I do think that, like, if you have just like, regular kind of whatever that like, just regular soft soap stuff is when you're lathering that on your hands, it's going to take a little bit longer for you to get it off. And I wonder if this foaming soap is just like, oh, it goes. It comes off your hands easier so you can get out of the lavatory quicker.

[Luke Burbank]

I think. I think there's something to that theory. So I wash my hands. You know what I do, by the way, when I'm. This is so. This is so performative. When I am done washing my hands and I'm coming out of the lavatory on the airplane, particularly if it's at the front of the plane where people can kind of see you, I do this move where I take the paper towel. Sometimes they don't have the paper towels, they just have the tissues, which I really hate, because those things are not. That's not what they're designed for. They're not good at absorbing, you know, the water you wash your hands with. Anyway, I take the paper towel, I dry my hands. I use the paper towel to open that little, like, weird sliding button thing that like, lets you out of the lavatory. I use the paper towel to open the door. I step out, I hold the door open with my foot, and then I performatively throw the paper towel away back into the. I want everyone to see me with the paper towel in my hand so they know that I washed my hands.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then you walk back to your seat like a surgeon with your two hands held up. I can.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly. There's like a weird orange dye all over my hands because it's like super duper disinfected. But, like, I even did that with the plane in free fall. And then in all truthfulness, though, by the time. The irony is, by the time I stepped out, it had actually stabilized. And I walked by the two flight attendants who are fully strapped in their jump seats, and I go, well, that was active. And they laughed so hard.

[Andrew Walsh]

But you said you didn't quite finish the job. Did you have to?

[Luke Burbank]

I didn't, but it was okay. I wasn't in a terrible way with it. So I caught up when I was at LAX with things that I needed to do, but it was like, I also felt like a kind of a cool customer by just like casually saying to the flight attendants, that was active. And then they laughed and like, like, yeah, I'm a real, real fly jockey.

[Andrew Walsh]

Somebody laughing at your jokes, A stranger laughing at your jokes is just fantastic, by the way, the best. Can I give you an AI overview? And it looks like the sources on this. Well, I don't know if this helps my case at all. It looks like it might be Reddit and something else, but it says AI. Overview. Airplanes use foaming hand soap primarily to save resources and improve efficiency. See, foaming soap allows for significantly reduced water consumption. That's kind of what I was saying. Like, it goes off his ear, uses less product per hand wash and reduces packaging waste, leading to lower weight and cost savings for airlines. It is also easier, Luke. It is also easier to rinse off and prevent soap from dripping or splashing. Now, the only problem with AI is it might be getting this information from what I just said into this microphone.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a Mobius strip of misinformation. Should. But I mean, well, that. That then raises the question, why are. Why is there ever anything that is not foam?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, because it doesn't get the job right.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. As long as it's getting the job done. That just seems like a vastly superior product. Anyway, like anywhere you're at any public restroom, I would like the first of. I would like more people to wash their hands. Let's just start with that. But I would like that hand washing to go quickly because sometimes there's a bit of a line or whatever. Like, I would like us to, you know, know, tread more lightly on the environment to the. To the degree that it helps with that. Like, yeah, it feels like that should be the default setting. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get set, get set now. Ready? Ready, go, everybody.

[Luke Burbank]

Razzle dazzle. All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These folks are supporting TBTL with a voluntary donation of dough. This is 100% listener supported podcasting. And we want to thank Mirella Alejandrino of Kenmore, Washington. Marella says. Hi, Luke and Andrew, thanks again for another year of tbt. Last year I promoted my business as a real estate agent. But this year I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed listening to the THON in friendship at the Adams County Historical Society, as I am president of the Kenmore Heritage Society.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nice.

[Zach]

What a week.

[Luke Burbank]

What a week that was, huh?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my goodness. In fact, I will say I was during the show. I just sent a quick email to our friend Harriet from his friendship, because Harriet wanted to let us know last Friday that she was. It was opening night for a production that she was going to be in. She is an actor, as you know, and I'm looking for in like the community Theater. And I'm looking for the note. I might have just blasted it away, but she had said that this was gonna be the first time she was going to die on stage. I got a note from her on Friday. It said, tonight's the first time I die on stage.

[Luke Burbank]

I love it. I love it in an acting sense. I don't like it in a real life sense.

[Andrew Walsh]

Harriet says, I have been stabbed, shot and strangled before. Oh, yeah. Hung on a door too. Have a good weekend with your darling Lucy. I got that on Friday. So I just wrote back to Harriet to find out, like, how it went over the weekend and hopefully we'll hear back. But Harriet has remained a constant and I believe, completest listener of the show. Not going back through the archives, I would hope, but listening to the show every day, I think. So thanks to Harriet and all of our friends there.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. I mean, there was so much sort of magical. There were so many magical elements of that weekend friendship that just happened so organically. But I would, you know, getting to be on Wisconsin 106 and hang out with our friend Bob and get to talk to the folks at the Historical Society, all of it. I would say meeting Harriet might have been near the top of the list. Meeting Harriet and walking Harriet home from

[Andrew Walsh]

the bar, literally closing the bar down with her and then having Harriet and

[Luke Burbank]

then walking home, walking her back to her pad.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was like, that was quote unquote, right around the corner, which might have been three quarters of a mile.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it would explain also why Harriet is so spry. Yeah. Because I think to Harriet it's like, oh, yeah, this is a little right around the corner. It's like, this is like two miles, lady. What's going on here?

[Andrew Walsh]

It was a really nice night.

[Luke Burbank]

So Morella says, I'm the president of the Kenmore Heritage Society. I also get a kick out of hearing one of Luke's stories that includes a visit to Kenmore's Savage Moose Pub. So here is a little Kenmore history to go along with it. Kenmore has a long standing reputation when it comes to food, drink and a good time. Back in the 1920s to the 1940s, Bothell Way was proudly known as Restaurant Row. Hungry Seattleites motored north for legendary chicken dinners, dollar hotcakes and roadhouses where the dance floors stayed busy and the drinks flowed freely. Especially during Prohibition when bottle clubs and lakeside deliveries added a little extra sparkle to the evening. Folks can visit our website, it's kenmoreheritagesociety.com to learn more this is great. Love the show. This makes so much sense, Andrew. Because when I was a kid growing up, we went to church up there in a neighborhood called Briar. But in order to get to Briar, we would drive on Lake City Way, which would then turn into Bothell Way, I believe. Believe. And we would. We would end up taking a left right at pretty close to where the Savage Moose is now. But along the lake, along Lake Washington, there's always all these, like, kind of old restaurants that kind of hung out over the lake a little bit and stuff. And I could see, first of all, it's not Seattle anymore. So you're across. You know, you've gone across the city lines. You're north of 145th. Basically, I could see there being kind of a different set of rules and regulations or a certain lax vibe about, you know, like maybe dance clubs and hooting and hollering and maybe having some. Having some drinks even during prohibition. There's just an energy up there that feels. And again, it's right on the lake.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now.

[Luke Burbank]

You can actually, as we did, you can get to Lake Washington, believe it or not, from the Pacific Ocean, you know, which is totally crazy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Luke Burbank]

You. I mean, I don't know if you could back in those days, but you can now because you basically, you could come into Puget Sound, you could come through Shilsho, you come through the locks, you go down the ship canal, and you end up in. You end up in South Lake Union. And if you keep going, if you keep going around, you can go under the floating bridge. You can basically go up to Lake Washington from the Pacific Ocean. So I don't know if that's how far the rum runners were coming from or if they just. If there was just a mosquito fleet buzzing around Lake Washington with illicit hooch on board. But I love the idea of Kenmore being kind of like a. Kind of a saucy place at night. And I love the idea that Morella is helping out over there and running the Heritage Society.

[Andrew Walsh]

So very cool. And I love the idea of restaurant row. Say no more.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, count me in. So, Morella, thank you so much for supporting the show. And everybody go check out Kenmore. Heritagesociety.com Maestro, on your mark.

[Andrew Walsh]

On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready, Ready, go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody rattle D. It's Benjamin Neal, our pal in Tacoma, Washington. Benjamin says, hey, that guy. Exclamation point.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's right. Pronouncer.

[Luke Burbank]

That's how you pronounce it. Hey, that guy it's our pal Benjamin, who's been supporting the show and helping us out and communicating with us and being a mensch for years and years and years. Nice to see Benjamin's name on the list once again. He says, okay, so I left this until late so I don't get to obsess over it. That's probably better that way. Sometimes, you know, know it's like the less time you give yourself to fret about something. Not that that's what we want the dynamic to ever be anyway, with people donating to the show. But Benjamin says thank you to my wife for not questioning why I give the Cobros all that money. Thanks to the Cobros for being absolute delights. And a special thank you to John for naming his dog after me. It's an honor, really. Man, I was thinking of John and those adorable dogs of his because there is a. There's a dog. What do you call it? Doggy daycare. Doggy kind of, you know, boarding place that's on Sunset. And they have a huge. They're on the corner. This is, I don't know, up six blocks from here or something. Up by the. Kind of like where the Sam Ash music is and stuff. I don't know if that means anything to you, but there's a big guitar, like, guitar store on Sunset. And you get to this particular corner, and it's just this big corner glass window. And then just this area inside, like, right past the window of big astroturf thing that's just all dogs of all shapes and sizes that are hanging out for the day or maybe longer at this dog, you know, boarding daycare place. And it is the highlight of the jog for me. I am so. I get so freaking so psyched when I know I'm like, two blocks away from this window. And today there was a dog in that window that looked exactly like Benny or Thor or what Manon will look like. Just like a beautiful, snoozing golden retriever. That's what those dogs are, right? Golden retriever.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Just sleep. I almost took a picture of it to send it to John, and I was like, that's insane behavior. I'm going to take a picture of an unrelated dog that just happens to be the same kind of dog that. That John has. Like, who does that? Like, I. I stopped. I also noticed that they have had to put up. Since I've been taking this jogging route, they have put up new little signs. They're nice enough, but they say, please don't tap on the window.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, sure. Yeah. I'm sure a lot of people, a lot of kids probably do that, huh?

[Luke Burbank]

Believe me, the thought had occurred to me as well. It's just. And what's so great is it's like dogs of all shapes and size. It's like a Disney movie in there, you know, I mean, you got the little yappy ones that are kind of running circles around the bigger ones, trying to, like, show off and be cool. You've got just like. It's just a whole variety of different dogs. I would watch that. Like, I would. If that was a TV show, I feel like I would watch it.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I want to tell you about something that I may have told you about before on the show. I don't think so, though. But when I lived in the Roosevelt neighborhood here in Seattle, Washington, there was a cat adoption place that's right there on Roosevelt. And so if Genevieve and I took the relatively short walk of, I don't know, mile or whatever it was to get to the university district, maybe a mile and a half, which you would do a lot lot. You know, maybe we're going to get something to eat or even just pick up some takeout or something. During the pandemic, we would pass this window and you could look at the cats even after hours at night. You could watch them sleeping in there. There is one big room with a window facing the street with all of the adult cats. And there is one big room separate, with a window facing the street with all the kittens. And any time of day and night, if you were happened to pass somebody else who's walking by, everybody just. Just stops, like, instinctively to, like, look at the cats, right? And at the time, I believe we had. I think we still had Theo, Murray, Theodore and Professor Bananas at home. But, you know, it's like, it doesn't matter how many cats you have at home. You're looking at the cats, you're like, I want to bring all these cats home with me, right? And my heart would just overflow with love for these cats. And you just want the glass not to be there, right? So that you can pet them and love them. And I love the adult cats maybe even more, I don't know. But it's not just the kittens for me. And so. So one day I took a brick and I just smacked. No, just joking, basically. No, this is a weird, sentimental story that doesn't really make a lot of sense, probably, but often. And I just had this thought, like, literally, I think last night when I was petting Bingo. One of the things I cling to sometimes. I'm petting my cat Bingo now. And you know him, he's such a loving cat and such a social cat and everything. I just think I'm so glad that there's not glass between us. I'm actually getting choked up thinking about it. And I didn't even get him from that place, you know what I mean? But sometimes it's like, oh, I just love that there's no glass that we have. We adopted you and you're our guy and we're. We're here on the same side of the glass.

[Luke Burbank]

That's adorable. Now, is Bingo getting, like, enough attention these days?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, he's not. I mean, he's getting attention and I'm making a point of coming down here

[Luke Burbank]

to take care of him by way, by which I mean give him to Becca. She could take another cat down there. I was going to say, if you

[Andrew Walsh]

want to come stay with us in the basement for a week, you could do that. But he's not leaving the home. No, I mean, we're doing. We're definitely doing our best. And we have not forgotten about Bingo and we love him to death. And Genevieve even said, like, you know, what ends up sort of happening in the evenings as things are. Things are calming down a little bit now. But, you know, I think it's going to kind of come and go in various phases of Lucy the puppy's like, kind of growth. I was saying what a good girl she is to some friends who stopped by who both actually work or worked in the animal care industry at some point. And one of them is a vet tech and is a good friend of ours. And they came over to meet Lucy the other night and I was saying, like, yeah, she doesn't even destroy anything. She's like, okay, but like, you're in a sweet spot right now. Like, I keep on hearing from everybody who's just kind of like, you're not out of the woods, like, there's still the destroying phase is coming up. And she's growing. She's now 18.2 pounds compared to the nine pound puppy that we brought home.

[Luke Burbank]

Two thirds.

[Andrew Walsh]

She's 18 pounds and two thirds innings. But anyway, so I know that we still have, like, a lot ahead of us in this road, but right now things aren't quite as crazy as they were the past. The past couple of weeks or whatever. And we're on a bit of a. More of a regular schedule. But what happens is in the evening now, if I want to come down and practice a little darts. You know, it's not as excessive as it used to be, but Genevieve stays upstairs, watches TV with Lucy, which is, you know, that's kind of where Genevieve would often chill in the evening anyway. But because of that, Genevieve isn't getting as much bingo time. And, like, you know, when I'm down here, I definitely try to play feather game with him a lot. He's got a feather on a stick that he loves, and, like, you'll go crazy for that. But it's like, you know, Genevieve and I were. When it was just the three of us, me, her, and Bingo. Like, every conversation was about Bingo. Oh, look. Bingo is sitting in a slightly different place. Huh? That's interesting, huh? Bingo? Do you want to go on my shoulders? You want to go for a ride around? He got all the attention in the world, and now he's still getting attention, but he and Lucy still like to play. But it's getting a little bit. She's getting too big for it, and she's not calming down enough. She's still a little bit rough with him. And he asks. I mean, I guess you'd watch my language. But, like, he goes up to her. He goes up to her and starts it like he wants to play. He wants a friend. And he will just go up to her and, like, bap, bap, bap her in the face or whatever, too. But then she's like, oh, okay, we're playing, and her tail's wagging. But he'll immediately get on his back and they'll start kind of roughhousing, which is fine. Again, her tail is wagging. It's not territorial or anything like that, but she's just so much bigger and sometimes can't control herself so much. And so it's making us a little bit nervous, so. So we have to separate them a little bit more, which means sometimes sending him to the basement by himself, even though he's done nothing wrong, or Genevieve cleared off this little safe space for him. So if we're all in this little TV room together, and Genevieve and I may be playing cards, and Lucy's on the couch or on the floor with us in there, Bingo will come in and then sit in the back of this little cubby hole that is like a shelf where we sort of store sewing stuff for Genevieve, and he likes to be in there with us, you know what I mean? But he needs also to have protection so that he's not, like, ambushed by the dog. Still a family, and he's still showing all the signs of wanting to be

[Luke Burbank]

near us just kind of a broken family.

[Andrew Walsh]

We're just more of a broken family. We just really have to. And Genevieve even said, she said tonight I want to go downstairs and spend some one on one time with Bingo so you can watch Lucy at night. You have to be kind of deliberate about these things. But I think eventually when she gets some of the. When the puppy grows out of her a little bit, I know these guys are going to be snugglers. I just think.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, absolutely.

[Andrew Walsh]

They clearly love each other too much. They just don't know what to do with the energy right now.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Like you and me. I think that's how our relationship has been described too.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. Which is why I started peeing in the corner a little bit.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Marking your territory. Benjamin. Thanking John for naming Benny after him and says now to some business I co own avionics shop at the KTIW airport. I believe that's the Tacoma Narrows Airport.

[Andrew Walsh]

This has.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah. I'm googling this now because I know this has come up in Benjamin's messages before and I think there might have even been.

[Luke Burbank]

If I'm remembering right, I feel like it may be Benjamin or his brother had some kind of an operation at the Port Townsend airport for a while. That unless there's somebody else who's really into avionics. I remember years ago hearing about. Because I was obsessed with the Port Townsend Airport. They had a little restaurant called the Spruce Goose that was like really? It was just great. You just sit there and bottles of coffee. Yep, yep. Uncut fingernails and bottles of pee.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is the danger of naming your restaurant the Spruce Goose. Like what is the first thing you think of?

[Luke Burbank]

They were going to name it the, the drapes. They have bugs in them, but they went with Spruce Goose. Anyway, Benjamin has an avionics shop at the Ktiw airport which again I think

[Andrew Walsh]

is the coma narrows. You're right.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, okay. And. And Benjamin says if you're playing people and you need something, swing by. I'm not out here trying to get rich. I'm just out here trying to make enough money to continue being a dazzling donor. Way to have priorities, Benjamin.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. In fact, now I'm on board with this more than ever.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, so I. And I'm guessing that like if there's an avionics shop, if you go to the Tacoma Narrows, you go to Ktiw Airport. If you're a plane person and you're getting some avionics there, there you're Going to be getting them from Benjamin and the co owner of the shop. Is it called, Is the shop called Avionics Shop? Because you're doing some googling on this. Are you getting eyes on this? I want to.

[Andrew Walsh]

I hadn't googled that.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to give the best plug possible for this. I want people to know where they should be going. I don't want them going to the wrong avionics shop at the Tacoma Narrows International Airport.

[Andrew Walsh]

Avionics shop. Ktiw. Yeah. So it looks like it will be the place in the airport. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

So everybody get all of your avionics needs there. I, I'm telling you, Andrew, at some point in my life I am going to probably become a plane guy. Like I'm.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think you're a pretty plain guy.

[Luke Burbank]

There's a, there's a place along the my jog on Sunset called Howard Fine Acting School. And I know that that's just his last name, but it's like what was Howard? Okay, acting school taken.

[Andrew Walsh]

I want to go to the Howard Great Acting School.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. How was your acting school? That's fine. It was all right. Anyway, everybody get all your avionics from Benjamin and his co partner at the place so that we can continue getting that sweet, sweet, dazzling donor dough from Benjamin. And thank you so much Benjamin for supporting the show. We couldn't do this without you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

This is a story that's been getting a surprising amount of attention. I thought at least it seems to be popping up in like on my TikTok feed and it's sort of a national story. You sent it to me as well, Andrew, which is Albertsons sued over deceptive Buy one, get one. I think we've had a whole week of shows about if we think Bogo, but if that's the right way to describe what's happening. Because it's bogoff.

[Andrew Walsh]

So mad.

[Luke Burbank]

It should be bogoff.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you grow up calling it Bogo? I can't figure out.

[Luke Burbank]

That's like a. That came around five years ago.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that's how I feel about 10 years ago is when I first started hearing it. Still living in la, I thought maybe it was like a regional thing or something. But okay, so it is something that advertisers are using. I feel so strongly about this. You feel like it should be.

[Luke Burbank]

You were like buy one get one free.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I thought I was saying. I thought you were saying buy one get. Yeah, that's what Bogo is.

[Luke Burbank]

Bogo is buy one get One, but you're getting two.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. I thought there was another one that said buy one, get two. I thought you maybe. But anyway, yeah, I think it should be.

[Luke Burbank]

That would be fine too.

[Andrew Walsh]

Buy one, get one free. That's what we said growing up. Buy one, get one free dot right?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, Bogo is kind of little bit. It's not, it's not complete. Yeah, it's. You're leaving off the free. Yeah, I know. I'm buying one and I'm getting one. Yeah, you're, you're assuming get is doing a lot of lifting in that, in that sentence because the get indicates it's free. You've bought one and you're getting one. But I still think it's a little bit muddy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think it's muddy too. I guess the argument would be like, like getting is not the same as buying. I guess that's what the argument would be like. Buying is one action and getting is another. You bought one, but then we handed you another one. You got one. But I don't like that. It's not, it's not clean. It's not clean.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, Washington state has sued Albertsons for these buy one, get one free promotions of grocery items. They're saying that they made $20 million of ill gotten gains in the process because what they were allegedly doing was, was they would basically hike the price of whatever the product they were about to bogo. And that I guess is illegal if it is true. Albertsons, of course, denies all of this. They say that this is like the Attorney general got some bad data. They don't understand what the Albertsons pricing model is. So this is some of the evidence from the Washington State Attorney General. A complaint that involved a jar of olives that was sold at a suburban Alberta. That's what's so funny about these things is it's like multimillion dollar lawsuits being handled at the highest levels of Washington state. And it comes down to like a jar of olives.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

That was being sold at a suburban Albertsons two days before the BOGO promotion was announced. The store raised the price of the jar of olives from 299 to 549 before pricing it back down to 299 when the promotion ended. That seems to be a critical part of the case is not even just the raising of the price, but then the bringing of the price back down. They seem that the Washington Attorney general citing that and all these different things. There's another one. Let me see. I'm scrolling through this story.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here's One you're looking for the watermelon. Here's a watermelon one. I'm looking at watermelons from. They raised them. These are mini watermelons. I know these by the way. They're called personal watermelons in the stores I go to. Have you ever noticed that? And Genevieve and I always start singing Depeche Mode. Right? Like you cannot. But it says many watermelons were raised with from 399 to 599 just prior to the promotion, then return.

[Luke Burbank]

Can I have some of that watermelon? No, that's personal. Your own Personal Melon.

[Andrew Walsh]

3.99 up to 5.99 just prior to the Bogo bogoff promotion, then return the price down to 3.99 after. But in this case I'm going to get rid of the 99s because that's confusing things. You're basically raising it from $4 to $6. But that's still, you're still getting a bit of a deal.

[Luke Burbank]

Right, is my point. And I don't want to side with big grocery. I don't want to praise the machine. I don't, you know, I don't want, I don't want corporate America getting over on us, you know, hard working people who are always are paying, you know, too much for everything these days. But the, to me, the simple math is sort of, the simple math to me sort of exonerates Albertsons. Let's just say it's a jar of pickles. Let's say that the normal price is three dollars. You increase the jar of pickles to five dollars per jar and then it's buy one, get one free. You have now gotten six dollars worth of pickles. If you would have bought two jars at the three dollar per jar price, you would have paid six dollars. In this case, even though they raised the price, you still got $6 worth of pickles for $5.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now is you had to buy more of them though. You had to.

[Luke Burbank]

And you also didn't get one, one free. So maybe that's part of it is that if you're saying buy one, get one free, but you've inflated the price, you've, you're lying through Bogo there. And maybe that's kind of part of the issue because, but, but again, in every example and, and again the original article that I had with this, which I don't have in front of me, had all these examples of again, personal watermelons and other things. And again, they're all just so it's Just so funny how kind of like this jar of peanut butter was, you know, this. And then they raise it up to this and then back down to that or whatever. Whatever. But what I was saying was like, well, you're still getting more of the. You're paying less per jar of the thing under the promotion. But I guess maybe you're not technically getting one for free. You're just getting both of them for slightly cheaper, which is a different sort of transaction.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I'll be honest with you, I haven't actually read all the way through this article. I told you that I sent this to you. I was scrolling through my phone while on a walk with Lucy, so I didn't have time to read the whole thing. But I'm kind of. I'm reading into it more now. Now, here's the thing with it, and this does speak to me. You're only getting that deal if you buy both. It forces you to buy two things that otherwise you might have only wanted one of in order to get the deal. I am somebody, Luke, as you know, who does not like to stock up on things. Space in my cupboards is more valuable to me than having a surplus of things. And so therefore, I would be getting majorly screwed on this because I'm probably not taking the free thing of olives. I'm certainly not taking the second watermelon if you're buying a mini watermelon. You know, it's funny, I thought you and I were talking about this, but no, this was actually on after these messages yesterday with Genevieve, our podcast about commercials. Of course, there was some law firm. The theme yesterday was commercials that use treadmills to sell things other than treadmills. And it was actually a law firm using an analogy of kind of a Bogo situation, saying that buy one, get one is not always a good deal. I don't remember how they tied it to their lawyer in services, but basically they show this sort of doofy guy who is at a store in the mall, and he sees, oh, it's buy one, get one, free treadmills. So he comes home with two treadmills, and his wife is very displeased with him, but he sets it up in some sort of makeshift exercise room and he's going to make it work. And it's actually kind of funny. He's actually pretty good on both treadmills. They actually make a good. I feel like they need to make him more of a buffoon on the treadmills and make him fall a lot. But anyway, that's beside the point. But the point of this commercial was, was you don't need two treadmills. Well, if you're buying a personal watermelon, you don't need two of them. You just buy a regular sized watermelon. Presumably. So it is a little sketchy in that way.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I guess the more that we dig into it, the more that, I guess they sort of have a point again about the, in the fact that you, the fact that you're not allowed to buy just one now, whereas you are, you know, you're averse to stocking up. I am verse to it and am highly verse. Like, as you know, my whole. When I, when you sent me this article, I was like, I, I, I clicked on the link, I was like, don't let this article be telling me that when I buy 37,000 cans of soda, I'm getting ripped off because I assumed that was the bogo they were talking about because remember how we've been trying to figure out how it is that all of a sudden I just did it again the other day. I can buy like 318 packs of soda and then I, I get 318 packs free. I bet you I actually, you know what this would be. I should do a little recon on this. I bet you anything Safeway is doing the same move. And that was kind of what I was speculating now why they're not on the radar of the Attorney General of Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know, maybe this is Albertsons and Safeway.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But what I'm saying is, I bet you that's also what's happening with the

[Andrew Walsh]

soda that I. Oh, you don't know why that's not mentioned in this piece. The soda itself.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. Yeah, I mean, I feel like that should be leading the Leading, if that's part of it, that should be leading the story because I swear to God, that's a new in the last two years thing where all of a sudden just used to be you went in and you, if you were gonna buy some soda, that's what you bought. And then all of a sudden it became not even just buy one get one, but for a while it was like, buy two, get three free. I mean, it's, yeah, it's just an absolute wild west out there in the soda aisle. And it's totally worked on me. I think it's actually driven some behaviors for me too, because whereas I don't buy, you know, soda water or club soda anymore because I make it with my local little, my little machine. I have, I Buy a lot of soda now because I do like a, you know, I do like a Coke Zero or a Fresca or a whatever. And I really think that, like, it worked on me, like because of the fact that it seemed like I was just getting a tremendous amount of soda for my buck. I think I started and it seemed like it'd be foolish to not. And it also is the kind of thing that, I mean, does it ever expire? It's like, you know, I live alone, you would think, like, it seems like six, six of those 18 packs would be like, that's I'm gonna be using. Doesn't take me a year to get through. It's surprising how fast I can get through them. And I think it seemed like a deal I started buying them. I got more in the habit of having one, you know, having like a, A soda, you know, with my lunch or something or whatever. And so it's this kind of like it's changed my behaviors. And I'd be interesting to find out if I'm actually ever getting a better deal on this or if it's just been that they tricked me by inflating the price, telling me it was buy one, get one free. And. And they completely and totally, they had their way with me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that also phrasing, you know, that goes back to the watermelon example too. At least these cans of soda, if you have the room for it, you can throw it in your pantry or whatever and they're not going to go bad. But like, if you're doing this with produce, you know that things are going to waste. Oh, I just needed a mini watermelon. But now the mini watermelon is produced prices jacked way up. Unless I buy two of them and I don't need two of them and the other one is going to go to waste anyway. Like, that's. The more I talk about it, the more I kind of get upset about this. But it does remind me of something that I saw at my QFC there on Holman Road a few weeks ago. And I'm just sort of just remembering this. I love self checkout. I only do self checkout. And there was somebody to my right and I don't know what the signifiers were, other than maybe this conversation that she was having with the employee there. There's a guy who, you know, monitors the, the all the self checkouts or whatever, checks your ID when needed and et cetera, and helps people with their problems, which are inevitable with those bad scales that they use. But anyway, the woman who was checking, or, you know, like checking out, I guess, next to me at one of these self checkouts called him over. And maybe it was from this conversation or if there are other signifiers that you got the impression that you, you know, she wasn't destitute, but she was, you know, she was watching the bottom dollar, certainly. And there was. I couldn't quite hear the beginning of it, but clearly she was surprised at the price of something that she was buying. And this fellow who's a very jovial fella was saying, oh, oh, no, I see what's going on. You gotta buy. You buy two and you get one free, and you're only buying one and you're not getting it. And I hear him sort of. I'm just. I'm kind of minding my own business, but I can't help but to overhear this. And he kind of explains it to her a couple of times. And I remember thinking, thinking, just do it, dude. I know you have that badge. You can flash and just make this happen. And he did. He said, don't worry about it. I got you here. And he flashed his, you know, whatever employee badge he needed to, to get into the system and punch some things in and gave her the price point anyway, because I heard her saying, like, I. He's like, you can go back and get another one of these. It might have been a soda thing, although I. I'm not even 100% sure. It might have been something more, even, maybe more fundamental to, you know, like her nutrition or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, first of all, you don't know how my body responds to soda.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

You have no idea how my body responds to soda.

[Andrew Walsh]

But anyway, I was just, like, really psyched about this guy because, you know, that a lot of people wouldn't do that. A lot of people maybe even would want to do it, but feel like, well, I don't want to get in trouble and how much leeway do I have here? And I don't know how much leeway they do have, but I was so heartened that this guy who's like, he's kind of a big goofball, he's one of those guys who talks a little bit too much, says the same jokes to you, you know, as he's punching in, your ID always says, I don't know how many days young or whatever he says, I don't even know. But, you know, he's always has a quip and you hear it a thousand times, and he's doing it with everybody. I'm glad to know that that also is good humanity behind that, not just banter and that he let this woman get the deal without having to go back and buy a second one to get the other one free. You know what I'm saying? I was really heartened.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, absolutely. And I think you're right. I think the ultimate argument to why the state of Washington is coming down on them and I've been convinced now is, yeah, the idea that, like, you have to buy two of this to get this slightly cheaper price. Because again, no joke, in this day and age, I mean, groceries, I have so much more awareness of how, of how much groceries are costing. And that was not. I forget what I was getting the other day. It was, I think, before my brother and his wife and kid came over and I was just picking up some, you know, some stuff to have for dinner and whatever. It was like $200. I was like, this is just. Yeah, this is insane. So the idea that, like, you know, people who are struggling would be sort of either not getting a good price on it or forced to buy more than they can afford is a. Is a pretty crummy deal. So, you know, I'm just glad also when any state, like, is actually, like, looking out for consumers.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I just feel like at a federal level, we've completely lost the thread on that. So. So good job, State of Washington. Washington.

[Zach]

Here I go once again with the email. Every week. I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not from a female. I know what you're thinking. It's a blurs day. What in the heck are we doing playing the normal email music? And the answer is we're gonna do the blue days. Tomorrow. We're doing a special Friday blurs days because we're doing some, some, some. Some special early recording of things. This, that, and the other. And we want to make sure that every blurs day that's submitted gets in this week. So it'll be a very look forward to it. Set your calendar. It is going to be a Friday blurs tomorrow, but for today we'll do some emails and V mails.

[Andrew Walsh]

Every blurs day counts, and that's important. That's what we learned in Dade county. All right. In 2000. Okay, so here we have a voicemail that I want to play for a second.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought that was a Terri Schiavo joke.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, what that would be. That's. That would be the only thing weirder than what I actually. Well, I saw somebody.

[Luke Burbank]

I saw somebody like on TikTok the other day who didn't even look old enough. And they were just walking. They go every once in a while. I just remember Terri Schiavo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wow, I haven't heard that.

[Luke Burbank]

That was a whole time. That was a whole situation back in the day.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't want to get into this, but that was a right to die situation, right?

[Luke Burbank]

It was. It was somebody who was. Yeah, she had. She was in a, you know, I guess what they would call a permanent vegetative state.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So she was non communicative. Yes. Okay. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. And the question was whether or not to allow her. Her life to end. And. And it became. Yeah. A real flash point for, you know, two different sort of worldviews, I guess.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I think I was making a. Some sort of a election.

[Luke Burbank]

You're making a hanging chat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Every vote counts thing. One man, one blurs. I don't know. All right, listen, I have a good story for you here. It's a little bit of a stem winder. This is from Z Zach in Queens. I don't even think I have to set this up. It's just based on a topic of. Well, I do think this came in around the time I was talking about a little flare up I had with my neighbor across the street who like keeps on pulling updates on that, by the way. Yeah, it just happened again this past weekend. Not I didn't get involved in any way, but we have some new neighbors down the street. This adorable family of little kids. They had a garage sale this weekend that lasted a few days. Days. I think that they might be into buying and then reselling things as well. This is a family that has a bunch of little kids, or at least these kids had friends over and they were running like a lemonade stand or a snack stand. It's just like such cool like old school kind of Seattle kind of vibes, you know, These are not like especially rich appearing people or whatever. Just kind of like holding this garage sale. And there was something about the whole scene that was just really awesome. And they put in the middle of the. Of the roundabout right outside my house a little sign that said garage sale. And I got a note from my neighbor who I adore, who said, what's going on with the crank across the street? He's left that garage sale sign inside the roundabout all weekend. I was like, I didn't even notice it. And then by the time I went out there later on Sunday, it had been removed and stomped on and thrown in the corner of somebody's yard because my neighbor across the street is a goddamn maniac who insists that you're not allowed to put signs in the middle of the roundabout with which you most certainly are allowed to do.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what you need to do? One of those signs needs to just have like, I don't know, ghost pepper sauce sprayed all over it or something like maybe stick em, maybe spray the whole thing with some kind of crazy stickum. So when he comes out to rip it up, it just gets stuck to his.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. A real briar patch kind of situation. Anyway, so, yeah, so I have this neighbor across the street who. It's really, really infuriating. As far as I'm concerned, he's a vandal. And anyway, so I think just the general, I guess theme of tbtl maybe my part of TBTL is like getting into encounters with people who you feel like are not following the rules.

[Zach]

Hey friendos, it's Zach in Queens. I have a quick yelling at your neighbors story, but it has a good O. Henry turn at the end. So where I live in Jackson Heights, Queens, America's most beautiful neighborhood, we have a mile and a half stretch of 34th Avenue that is Open street, so it's open to pedestrians during the day. And along this stretch are a bunch of schools, including the school PS149. Shout out to the Krista McAuliffe School where both my daughters go to school. And Monday morning a week and a half ago, I was taking both girls to school. My wife was unable to go. We were having a stressful morning, we were running late. I mercifully get the girls to school on time and I'm walking back. But because it's only open to pedestrian traffic in the morning, sometimes you get drivers on the cross street who think it doesn't really count and the lights don't count. And this guy, I see him, I pass him because I have the light. I'm walking in the street pushing the stroller because I have a 3 year old who goes to 3k pushing this empty stroller. I see him watching me and then the second I get past, he runs the red light. And I'd already had a terrible morning, so I just lost it at this guy. I'm yelling totally incomprehensible and dark things at him and he yells back. And we're drawing and it's New York City, people draw each other in the sidewalk. But right as I get to the corner, I turn back and I just yell, watch your tires. Because he parked. Now I'm almost back in my house and this Guy comes storming up the block and he's like, did you yell watch your tires? At me? And he gives me the crap. He's like, you should watch it. Someone could stab or shoot you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, so just to be very clear, in case anybody isn't following this, the watch your tires is a implied threat. Somebody who doesn't like your behavior might end up slashing your tires.

[Luke Burbank]

I gotta give Zach credit. That's an extremely New York thing to yell, I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I'm.

[Luke Burbank]

Not that I've ever even heard it yelled before, but it feels. It doesn't feel like something you yell in Scottsdale. Feels really like something you yell at New York City.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is not a Concord, New Hampshire attitude. Yeah, exactly. So anyway, this guy understands the veiled threat and response.

[Zach]

Like, you should watch it. Someone could stab or shoot you. Now, I'm smart. I keep walking past my house with the stroller, not letting them know where I live because I have tires. I don't want to have slack, but I keep going. Then I run into this guy, like, all the time in my neighborhood. I'm running into him two mornings later, coming down my block. I pass him with my wife and both kids, and he looks at me and goes, yep, it's the guy. And keeps walking. And I'm like, it's over. Keep walking.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love. I love how New York they. This is too just like leaning into the confrontation to the point where it's gonna like, yeah, but this is just how we talk, you know? I'm almost envious of this ability to just be like. To. To hold all of the. The frustration on the outside instead of having to pretend like everybody totally said

[Luke Burbank]

it and like, it's not even. Like, this is likely creating no stress for this guy. He's just like, yeah, I'm the guy you hate. I'm the tire guy now. Like, whereas for you and I, it'd be like. It'd be like we'd spend every waking moment anticipating another interaction with Zach and then deconstructing it afterwards, and we'd stop leaving the house. It'd just be a whole thing. This guy's just out living his life, and when he sees Zach, he's just like. It's almost like, good morning. Except it's a. I'm the me again.

[Zach]

And he looks and he goes, yep, it's the guy. And keeps walking. And I'm like, it's over. Keep walking. Four days later, I'm coming home. I have my younger daughter, my three year old, who was school vacation Here in New York. And my three year old daughter Althea is on her scooter and she almost darts out into the street when we don't have the light. And I grab her by the collar and I yell and the car screeches to a halt and who opens the door but my guy who ran the red light and he had the light, he was totally in the right, throws open his door and he goes, that wasn't my fault this time. And I'm like, I know, man, I know. He's like, you know, a lot of what you said was really ugly. And I. I'm like, I know. I'm just worried about my kids. You're right. I was totally out of line. And he and I buried the hatchet at the end. So there is a happy ending. You can come to peace with your neighbors, even if you call them a pos or said some of the dark things I'm not willing to admit on the air too. Anyway, love the show because I yelled

[Andrew Walsh]

at the old man across the street as he was literally taking signs out. And then what were they? They were open house signs. Or he definitely did it to like the slow down kids live here. And I think he was ripping those out and I yelled at him. You're a real piece of shit, you know that? And that is again, not exactly how people talk in Seattle.

[Luke Burbank]

What I would say too, by the way, Zach, I so identify with that being triggered and just something coming out of you that is not what you were planning on saying to anyone that morning. And also just like a massive overreaction. But also it's like, it's like a fear response. It's like you said you were dealing with a lot of other stuff that morning. So I appreciate you being, you know, not proud of it, but man enough to admit it. But also I have a feeling that these, the. That Zach and that guy will be buddies now. Maybe not buddies like we gotta hang out and have barbecues, but that there's something very sort of. What's the word I'm looking for? Not therapeutic, but almost like exercising. A. About having like weird beef with someone and this very intense negativity, but then actually like owning it and kind of apologizing and then forgiveness and then like, that is a real bonding experience. Like, yeah, this guy could be your new best friend in the neighborhood.

[Andrew Walsh]

I kind of love this origin story of your new bestie.

[Luke Burbank]

So now, Andrew, the ball's in your court. The signs on the signs in your roundabout. Are you gonna go bond with the guy?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, because he hasn't given. You know what I mean? Like, no, he has now.

[Luke Burbank]

If he apologized to you though, though, now you'd probably, you'd probably forgive him, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Acknowledge, like, oh, yeah, yeah. But I mean, no, he's just out there destroying people's signs, continuing to do so. And again, he's like, he's an older guy. And so I think there's this kind of assumption like, oh, he's an old crank, let him be. It's like, no, well, if he was 25 years old and doing this property damage, everyone be like, what is with that absolute crazy person? And by the way, I don't know a lot of people who are jumping to his defense. But like there is sort of like, as I tell these stories, I've gotten people saying, well, you know, watch out for elder abuse. I'm like, I'm not elder abusing anybody. I'm watching a neighbor do some really shitty things and I'm calling him out on his actions. You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

You know what you need to do is get the. I don't know if it's an RCW that's like the revised code of Washington, but whatever the city of Seattle law is surrounding this or lack thereof. And you print that out, you make that into a sign and then you post that sign in the middle which basically says people are allowed to place, you know, people are allowed to modify within reason these roundabouts. Whether it's planting some flowers or maybe putting a sign up for a garage sale or an open house. Like you put whatever the legal definition of what should or should not be happening in that roundabout. Because if he is in the wrong on this, which you're saying he is,

[Andrew Walsh]

of course he is. I mean, there are literally signs that are given out by the city to put in roundabouts that say, I mean it says it on the website. You know, my friend down the street who actually kind of. I sort of accidentally started this whole thing by putting up like a sign that says slow down, kids live here or whatever that she got from the city. When you go to the website where you order those signs, it says places where you're allowed to put these roundabouts and in your tree lawn.

[Luke Burbank]

So you print that out, you make a sign out of that. You, you, you actually go out with a post hole digger. You. Is it all. The roundabout is all cement though, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

It's dirt in the middle.

[Luke Burbank]

I can plant you actually with concrete. You dig it out, you actually put a full on post into the ground. You pour concrete and you post the, the, the rule, the official rules on there and then let's see him pull that one out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, do you remember the. So she had done it with just the regular sign that sticks in the dirt and the last. Then it took her like a season or like a year to get the next one ready. To avoid this, instead of using the flint, she got an actual sign, like not with a little wire sign poles, but like an actual signpost sign affixed the Slow down, kids live here signed to that. Put it in concrete in one of those like Home Depot buckets and then put that there to say like, you know, he's not going to mess with this. And he did. And that's the first time I had the confrontation as I watched him, you know, laboriously dragging that thing out of the roundabout and then just throwing it in some neighbor's yard. Who. That neighbor has nothing to do with this whole thing, by the way. Anyway, I'm just, I'm saying that's where

[Luke Burbank]

this, I'm saying if you want to, if you want to take this to the next level. I'm talking fully, fully ground concrete in the ground.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, or, or we put a bunch of poisonous snakes around it is really what I'm sure.

[Luke Burbank]

Or you can go with the snake option. I mean, you could also like, listen, there's an argument to be made that those, you know, please slow down kids live here signs are, are a public safety measure. And to remove them is to remove a level of public safety. I mean you could really like reach out to, I don't know who you local, the police. Sounds like an intense place to go for this. But maybe, I don't know, just basically saying like, look, here's what's happening. We're trying to keep kids safe in the neighborhood because sometimes cars drive too fast and this person in violation of the rules of the city of Seattle is removing those signs because of some weird personal hang up and he needs to be told through official letter or somebody else needs to come and basically knock on his door from the city and say, hey, it is allowed and what you're doing is not allowed. Like, have you guys thought, I mean, is this, this is not worth escalating to that level.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know. Like, first of all, like, not. There are things going on in the neighborhood right now that like, if authorities were to be getting your priorities very higher priorities. I'm seeing some pretty, some pretty heartbreaking things actually not far from where I live. That's actually going to tell you about off Air. Just some real people going through stuff and, you know. Yeah, there's just. I just don't think that rises to that. But, I mean, it is one of those things. Like, there's no way he's on the right side of any. He's making up shit about driver safety or something. It has nothing to do with it. Like, the city, literally. I mean, how can you be not on the side if people were abusing it? And there were a million signs in there all the time. It was getting trash, and they're huge. But that's not it. There's nothing in there because anytime anybody puts one sign in there, he rips it.

[Luke Burbank]

It up, up.

[Andrew Walsh]

But, like, he literally took a knife and cut that other one up, and he cut up a sign that said, slow down. We want to protect our kids like that. You just can't be on the right side of history there. It reminds me of this onion headline that just popped across my transom during the show. I don't know if you saw this on Blue Sky. It just says, supreme Court overturns right v. Wrong. Which really feels appropriate today especially. Oh, my God. Yeah. So anyway, but I really. Let's not lose sight of Zach's story. That was an amazing, amazing, amazing story, Zach.

[Luke Burbank]

And. And by the way, way to own up to it and way to, you know, say, like. Yeah, I did say some pretty dark stuff. And again, I look forward to you and the tire guy having, at the least, a friendly, nodding relationship. Now, my prediction is that. That you guys are going to enter a. A blissful period of friendship that's been forged.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

In the fires of having had a really bad couple of weeks.

[Andrew Walsh]

So you're gonna be toasting each other at some event 20 years from now. I love it.

[Luke Burbank]

Yep. So forward to that. All right, we are at the end of today's episode, but guess what? We are going to be right back here tomorrow. I will literally be right back here, here tomorrow in this hotel room bringing you more imaginary radio. So let's all get together for that, why don't we? In the meantime, have a great Thursday, everybody. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. Power out.